Goin' On For Years

by Cori

March 1993

Alex

"He's really old," Nicky says once the door shuts.

I look over to Howie, trying to figure out what he's thinking. He likes everyone, usually, but since we lost Charlie and Sam, we've been auditioning. He's getting a little pickier about who we want in the group with us. We've seen a few people that really suck. But this last guy was pretty good…and not that old.

"Well?" Howie asks me, shifting in the chair uncomfortably. "What did you think?"

"He's not that old," I say.

"He's like…twenty!" Nicky protests, widening his eyes. "He'll come in and try to take over and tell us what to do."

"Not if we don't let him," I answer. "If he joins the group, he joins the group. He won't be allowed to come in and tell us what to do. Lou would be calling the shots."

Howie sighs, sliding a piece of paper over the tabletop. We're supposed to be taking notes and stuff, but I don't think anyone's done anything but doodle on them. "He had a good voice."

"Decent range," I add. "He'd balance the sound out a bit. We wouldn't sound like a bunch of kids."

"That might help with people taking us seriously," Howie suggests, looking over to Nicky hopefully. All he does is sigh and bend over his scrap paper to keep doodling. Maybe he's thinking? His tongue is sticking out and he's concentrating on whatever it is he's doing.

"I dunno," Nick says to the paper, tilting his head sideways before leaning down a little closer. We wait for a bit, Howie and I staring at each other, Nicky doodling. The air conditioning kicks in and all we hear is the fan blow some cool air over us. "I guess he sounded good," Nicky finally says a few minutes later. "Better'n anyone else we've heard so far."

He's got a point there. We've all been through the audition tracks. Hell, that's how we all met in the first place. With all those kids around, you'd think it'd be easier to find someone with a decent voice, but it's been two weeks and this guy…this Kevin Richardson…was the only one so far that even came close to the notes we were hoping to hear. Good range. That'll help.

I lean over and pull his folder closer, hoping I might find some kind of information that'll make the decision. "Dude! He works at Disney!"

"We know that," Nick says, not even looking up from his masterpiece.

"Lou told us," Howie says, looking over my shoulder. "Where were you?"

I shrug, looking over his resume and headshot. "Would you look at those eyebrows, man?" I snicker.

"They're a little outta hand," Howie agrees, smoothing a hand over his unruly hair, a little nervous I think about us making some kind of comment. "But we'd have people to make us look good when it mattered anyway."

"Caterpillars," Nicky mumbles. He's at least still paying attention, even if the tip of his tongue is drying out with him stickin' it out like that.

"Okay, bottom line," I start, moving up to sit on the table. I hate sitting in chairs. Chairs should be made with footprints in them that you could mold your feet to… Nicky and Howie look up at me, waiting for some kind of revelation, I guess. I don't have one. I usually say something like that and someone else finishes the sentence for me. But no one is finishing it this time. Shit. "What do you think?"

"Lou has the last word," Howie says.

"But we get to choose which one he has the last word on. That's why we're here."

"Think he'd get sick of hangin' out with a bunch of kids?" Nick asks, pushing the doodle away from him.

I reach out and grab the paper from him to look at the doodle. "Shit, Nicky, this is good!" It's some kind of cartoon character in front of a microphone with thick eyebrows. "Is that supposed to be this guy?" All he does is shrug and sigh heavily. "Well," I start, getting back to the matter at hand, "I liked him."

"Enough to want to try him out?" Howie asks.

"Um…" Enough to try him out? "Yeah. Sure. Why not? He's the best we've seen so far, I think, and I'm sick of auditioning."

"Me too," Howie says. "But not because I'm sick of auditioning. I think he might be good."

"Fine," Nick says easily. "But if he starts telling me what to do, I get to kick him out."

June 1993

AJ

"Dude, does he have like, a pulse, or something?" I ask Brian. He's the last guy to join, and just happens to be Kevin's cousin. It's been a month now, and we're all still kind of checking each other out. Brian's cool. He cracks us all up and is just real easy to get along with. It's like he's been around forever. But Kevin is just…old. Older? Something. He's nice an' all, but he's still hanging back, talks more with Lou, mom and Jane than us. But, you know, we're usually still doing homework when he shows up and he's already done all this crap. Lucky bastard.

"Kev?" Brian questions, looking across the room to where Kevin's slouched looking over a music sheet. "He's still feelin' y'all out, that's all."

"Is that what he's doing? What's he waiting for? Our heads to spin around? Someone to change our diapers?"

Brian makes some kind of noise, and another Jim Carrey face as if his head is spinning around. Such a geek! "I think he's waitin' around for y'all to talk to him," he says once he's done.

That's when I look around the room. Howie's looking over Nicky's shoulder trying to help him out with his Math. Brian and I have been over here talking about our latest scores on Tetris. Lou's been on the phone for the last hour. Kevin said hi when he came in and sat down over there…and no one's really said much to him since then, have they? Damn, that's gotta suck for the guy. A bunch of kids doing their homework and no one even bothering to talk to him? What's he supposed to talk to us about? "He hides it pretty good, but he's kinda shy sometimes," Brian finishes.

"Oh." He never even came across as shy to me before until now. He turned the page and glanced up, scanned the room quickly and looked right back down to the paper. That's what I used to do when I was nervous and waiting to be called for my audition. Use the time when you turn the page to scope the room and see who looks friendly. "He didn't strike me as the shy type."

"He hides it well." Brian shrugs, taking the Gameboy out of my hands. "His older brother, Tim, is real outgoing and at home, everyone always thought he was the same way, so he tried. But it takes him awhile to get comfortable with people. He gets polite or professional to cover it up."

"He's got an older brother?" That wasn't in his resume. It just said he was from Kentucky and that's why he had that little accent. Brian's accent is a lot thicker than Kevin's, but similar.

"Two," Brian answers, "he's the baby."

"What about you?" I ask curiously.

Brian looks up from the game. "Just one, Harold. He's older, too. You?"

"Just me," I say with a grin. "I was perfect so there was no point in even having another," I laugh. So perfect my dad split, right? "Just me, mom and my grandparents."

Brian widens his eyes. "Dang…" Dang…that totally cracks me up. I need to teach this guy how to use the more descriptive words in the English language.

"What?"

"Our family's so dang big, I can't even name everyone," he says with a chuckle. "We've got more aunts and uncles and cousins…"

"Hillbillies," I tease, knocking into his shoulder.

"Hey!"

"Kev-Boy and Brian-Bob!" I mimic his accent and giggle, cracking myself up.

"Hey!" Brian squeals more indignant, knocking back into me with a laugh.

"Yee-haw!" I cackle. "Go git da dawgs an' da shotgun, Kev-Boy! We's a-goin' huntin' rednecks! Yee-haw!" I'm totally cracking myself up, falling off the chair with Brian tackling me in laughter. At least he can take a joke, right? They're not that backwards or anything. But, hell, Kentucky? You gotta expect some shit being from Kentucky!

"Watch out, Alex," Kevin says looking up from the music sheet and his face totally straight, "we'all learneded how to hog-tie rednecks back in kindie-garten." I look over at him, taken completely off guard. Perfect delivery on that. I wasn't sure if he was kidding or not until he lifted a caterpillar and laughed. "Yup, Bri there was first in his class, wasn't ya, Cousin Brian?" Okay, now he's turning on the hick accent.

"Ah-yup!" Brian crows proudly, looking over to Kevin. "But I's tell ya! Ya grease up that little one over there," he points to Nicky, "and Cousin Kev there'll…." He can't even finish he's laughing so hard. "Loser!" He smacks me upside the head and we wrestle for a minute or so before we're just howling in laughter.

"Grease up the little one?" Nicky protests standing up, his voice squealing. "What the hell does that mean?"

"That means, Little One," Kevin says, getting up slowly, "that you'll be more slippery to catch." And with one move, he's got Nicky up over his shoulder, feet forward and kicking in laughter. "You even sound like a squealing pig," Kevin teases, dropping him onto the couch cushions.

"Like you know what a squealing pig sounds like?" Nick asks, sitting up and swinging at Kevin in giggles. All Kevin does is put his hand on Nicky's forehead and extend his arm. Nicky misses with each swing and it amuses Kevin to no end.

"He should! He grew up on a farm!" Brian calls out.

Kevin turns, pointing to Brian. "Don't start, Cuz," he threatens with a laugh, "I do have secrets on you, you know."

Howie joins in with his own mocking accent. "Family's gots-ta stick tuh-gether."

That just seems to send us all over the edge and we freeze, laughing too hard. It's not even all that funny, but whatever…. Kevin's not on the other side of the room anymore, he's over with the rest of us, sitting on the arm of the couch and hangin' with us with an easy laugh. This might just work out after all…

Cool.

September 1993

AJ

I lean over, blinking to Howie in shock. "That's his girlfriend?" I whisper. I'm staying over with Howie at the apartment he's sharing now with Brian and Kevin and Kevin just came in with a really stunning blonde.

"That's right, you didn't meet Kristin yet, did you?" Howie says. "Yeah, that's her."

"Dayum," I mumble, shaking my head in wonder and Howie glances over to me, and laughs. "How did that happen?"

"He's lucky?" Howie suggests before getting up and heading into the kitchen. "Hey, Kristin, you haven't met Alex yet, have you?"

I hear them talk for a minute and Kevin and Kristin come back into the living room. "Sorry, man, I thought you'd met her already. Kris, this is Alex. Alex, this is Kristin."

She smiles and it's just dazzling. I know I kept teasing him that he was dating a fairy princess, but, shit…. "I've heard so many wonderful things about you all," she's saying to me, extending her hand. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"You too," I mumble. I hate being around pretty girls. What the hell do you say to pretty girls anyway? Kevin's standing right behind her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders so easily, with a carefree smile like it's so simple. They're pretty darn stunning standing there like that though. She's so blonde and he's so dark…. It's kinda freaky. Like Walt Disney really did reach down and make this match in his Kingdom.

"We were thinking of renting a movie," Kevin says. "Y'all interested?"

"What kind of movie? I hate those sappy chick-flicks." Kristin looks over at me, and giggles. Is she laughing at me?

"So do I!" she assures me. "Well…sometimes."

Kevin pulls back and laughs, heading back into the kitchen. "You lie!" he teases.

She turns towards the kitchen and puts her hands on her hips. "Okay, when was the last time I made you watch a chick-flick with me?"

Kevin sticks his head out of the kitchen and blinks at her. "Sleepless in Seattle," he answers her. "Chick-flick."

"Oh, that is so not a chick-flick!" she argues.

"The Piano," he returns, going back into the kitchen.

"That's only because you made me watch Last Action Hero, though. That was payback."

His head appears again. "Remains of the Day, Benny and Joon…"

"Body Snatchers…"

"Made in America," he counters.

Who knew people had this much time to remember the movies they've seen? "I think he's gonna win out on this one," I interrupt the little lovers spat. "You pick some pretty crappy movies."

"Chick-flicks!" Kevin calls from the kitchen.

"Oh, come on…" she laughs, heading into the kitchen. I look over to Howie and he shrugs back at me. They sound like a couple, don't they? We hear them both laughing, and then she squeals his name and jogs out of the kitchen. "Behave!"

Am I the only one blushing? Should I even be thinking of what he just did in there? How long have they been dating anyway?

"Why, it's just the fellas," he asks laughing coming out of the kitchen with a beer. I wouldn't mind one of them, either. Wonder if he'd let me. "Where's Brian, anyway?"

"Picking up Nick," Howie answers, flipping through the channels.

"He's stayin' the night too?" Kevin asks, dropping down on the couch. Kristin sits next to him, leaning against him easily. They have to have been together awhile. They're really comfortable with each other. "We're going back to your place," he says to her.

"Oh, no!" she whines, pulling back from him. "I want to meet Nicky!"

"We can wait till he's here, but trust me, this place gets insane with all of 'em here at once," he warns.

She rests back against him and leans her chin up, accepting a quick kiss from him. "It sounds like it would be fun to see you all together. I keep hearing about them all the time."

"Don't believe him," Howie says with a wink. "We're not even half as bad as he makes it sound."

"I'm sure," she says to Howie. "He just wants to make sure I still think he's the best."

"Damn straight!" Kevin says, sipping the beer.

"Aw." She pulls back again and pouts at him before breaking into a smile and kissing him again. "You'll always be the bestest in my book, baby." Okay, they're starting to make me a little sick now. It's pretty interesting to see Kevin this chilled out. After Brian said he was shy, I didn't think he'd be this relaxed around a girl.

"You're makin' me want to yack," I say, taking the remote from Howie and turning on MTV as they all laugh.

"Yeah, that sounds like the Alex you described," she says and I look over to see her watching me. I think I blush again. "You're the one with the raspy kind of voice, right?" she asks, and I glance over to Kevin. He's talked about me?

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Yeah, you are," Kevin says with an easy smile to me.

"He's raved about your voice," Kristin tells me, and Kevin looks a little uncomfortable. "Haven't you?"

"Have I?" he asks. "It's pretty cool, yeah…. They all have pretty cool voices."

"That's what makes the sound so good," I add. "We're all pretty unique, I guess."

"And modest," she teases, nudging Kevin.

Kevin? Modest? What the hell? "Haven't you seen him in front of a mirror before?" I ask, cracking Howie up. Kevin tosses a pillow at me as Kristin breaks up again. "She knows I'm right, dude. And don't you go getting all goopy on me, either," I point to her. "I've seen him in front of a mirror."

"No worse than any of the rest of y'all!" Kevin says. "Howie's checking his hair more than I am!"

"Yeah, but I'm not flexing!" Howie teases, mimicking Kevin with his arms flexed and bowed.

Kristin is still giggling and he's looking at us like we've lost our minds. There is going to be payback for this. I'm sure of it. "He's got ya there, dawg. You do flex every time you see your reflection."

"Oh, bite me! I do not!"

"Yes you do!" Kristin laughs, nodding profusely and patting his shoulder. "That, or you check your profile." Dayum! She's right, too! She's got him down perfectly as she pretends to be him looking in a mirror, lifting his chin up and looking sideways. "I keep telling him that I'm prettier than he is, but I think he has to check to make sure."

"Now, that's not true!" Kevin says, leaning up closer to her. "I know you're beautiful!" Then he seals his compliment with a kiss.

Howie and I groan 'Oh, knock it off,' at the same time.

"Get a room," Howie adds.

"You heard 'em," Kevin says, nibbling on her neck. "That was the point of coming back here, but noooo….she wants to meet everyone now."

"Kevin!" she squeals, blushing and turning to smack him. Is that, like, something genetic? Do girls have to be smacking their boyfriends to hit that note? Which comes first, the smack or the pitch? And why is it that boyfriends find it so cute? Is that genetic too?

"What?" he asks with a shrug. "They're big kids. They know all about sex by now." He looks over to us. "At least, I sure as hell hope they do by now. I don't need to explain anything, do I?"

"You're impossible!" she says with a shake of her head. "How do you put up with him?"

"It's in the contract," Howie answers dryly.

"Or, it will be," I correct. "If we get one."

"When, Alex," Kevin says, suddenly serious. "When."

"Whatever."

He sits up, leaning over to smack the back of his hand against my shoulder. "When."

Is this for my benefit or his? There's nothing more I want than to believe him. He's looking right at me, those green eyes of his penetrating mine as if to make me believe him somehow. Like, if he looks hard enough, he'll get me under his spell or something? More than anything, I think, I think he believes 'when'. Truly believes it. "Fine, when," I say with a shrug. Happy now, dude?

October 1993

Kevin

"Oh, shit…" Even in my head, that sounds slurred. Wait, that wasn't in my head. That was said out loud. "Fuck…" Damn it, so was that! "Sorry," I mumble, lifting a finger to my lips to silence myself. I totally friggin' forgot about having people staying over. "Shit…Damn it!"

"Kevin, honey," Courtney giggles, putting her fingers over my lips, silencing me.

"Hey, Kev…" There's a really tired, sleepy voice coming from the darkened living room, and it's a squeaky Nicky voice. He's camped out on the floor in his sleeping bag again. Shit…early call in the morning! I knew that before I went out, too. "Damn it…"

"Let's pour you into bed, baby, huh?" Courtney whispers to me, sliding her hand down my arm to take my hand. "Go back to sleep," she tells Nicky, and he lies back down without another word. She should definitely not be here with the fellas all here. Jane will have my ass if he says anything. I'm supposed to be a good influence on Nicky. I'm supposed to be watching out for him, making sure he's in a good environment.

"Which room is yours, Kevin?" Courtney asks as she leads me towards the hallway.

"On the right," is the answer, and that's from Alex, who's stifling a giggle with Nicky. Totally fuckin' busted, man. They totally know I'm wasted. "Who's your friend there, Kev?"

"Go to sleep," I answer. "It's late."

"It's actually early," Alex remarks.

I sway for a minute, turning to look at him as menacingly as possible. "Don't be a wiseass. Go back to sleep."

"Busted," Nicky giggles to Alex. "Don't piss 'im off."

"I'm not pissin' him off," Alex says, lying back down on the couch. "He's too drunk to be pissed off."

"Listen, you little punk-ass," I start.

"He'll have to figure out which one 'a me to hit first, and I can move before he does that," Alex teases. "Good-night, Kevin," he sing-songs to me and Courtney leads me down the hall to my bedroom.

"You gonna be okay?" she asks as I fall onto my back on the mattress with my arms sprawled out. She straddles my waist and leans over with such a sweet smile. That's why I brought her home. She has an amazing mouth. As the beers went down, my brain started thinking of what she might be able to do with that mouth. Now, my body might not be able to respond since it took a few more beers to get up the courage to make my move on her.

I have to give it a try though, or I'll never forgive myself, so I lift my head up slightly to press my lips against hers. We've been kissing for the last hour in some corner in the bar. Her chin is already red from my stubble, but she's not backing off from more kissing. Matter of fact, now that we're here, she's getting a little more feisty about it; biting my bottom lip and sucking on it. She smells like a mixture of smoke from the bar and flowers, or something sweet. She drops down a bit more when I kiss along the bottom of her jaw to nibble on her ears, and I can feel her release a heavy breath when I do it. "You like that, huh?" I whisper, positioning myself to kiss her other ear.

"Your little friends aren't going to walk in here, are they?" she asks with each word coming between kisses.

"Hold on," I tell her, managing to make my way over to the door and lock it. "Now they won't."

She's sitting on the edge of the bed and with a sly smile, she pulls her snug tee shirt off and lets it drop to the floor. It's only fair I do the same, right? And we each take turns taking off a piece of clothing until there's nothing left to take off and she's straddling me again in the middle of the mattress. "Now see what happens when you suck on my ear," she tells me and when I do, my hips lift against hers and she slides along my erection with a low, guttural moan. My hands massage her breasts just inches away from my chest, and she sucks on my chin, gently biting me when I squeeze her nipples. "Fuck me, baby," she mumbles against my mouth, writhing her hips against mine.

Somehow, there's fumbling for protection and she's sober enough to manage to do it for me, her lips spreading along my shaft as it goes on. All I can do for a moment is lie on the mattress feeling my head separate from my body in a wave of pleasure. I can't think anymore. I just can't…not with the way her tongue is flicking around my dick and her hands spreading over my thighs as she makes her way up my body. It might be possible that she wants this more than me. I barely have to do a damn thing…which is a good thing because I've lost all coordination. She's sliding me between her legs, writhing on top of me and looking down to my face, biting her lower lip. When she finally lets me inside, it's deep and full and she arches her back, and lifts her head back when I lift my hips up to meet hers.

There's some serious moaning and grunting happening, there's rough thrusts and at one point, she's holding onto my shoulders and thrusting herself against me as I guide her hips. Thankfully she drops against my neck and screams, muffling her orgasm slightly, but not by much.

"Come on, baby," she urges, still thrusting against me, waiting for me to come. Damn alcohol…it usually doesn't take this long. "Come on, baby," she pants into my ear, pulling on my earlobe with her lips. "You feel so fucking good…keep it up, I might…come…ah…" She's moaning in my ear again, thrusting harder and I can't believe she's coming again, but she's biting her lips together and sitting up, pulling her hair off her face with her back arched again.

Somehow, I manage to make myself move and we're both on our knees. I enter her from behind this time and I can see the curve of her spine as she arches her back as I fill her. She flips her hair back, and I watch the strands slip over her shoulders as I ram myself into her again, so close to my own orgasm that I can't even control my body anymore. She's mumbling something, I think it's 'yes, yes, yes…' or some such noise. I only know it's helping me along and finally I buck against her, holding her hips against mine as I feel as if I'm falling over some kind of abyss into bright, white light.

We drop to the mattress, and I dispose of the condom, crawling back to wrap my arms around her and pull her against me with my heart still racing and sweat still sheeting our skin. She wraps her hands across my forearms and snuggles in closer with a quiet, contented sigh. "Shit, I can't wait to do that when you're sober, if that's what you're like drunk," she teases.

That's never gonna happen though. In a minute…at least, that's what it feels like…I roll over with my face in bright sunlight, and my alarm blaring in my ears. If I think hard enough about it, it might bring me to tears, but my hands flail out to make it stop instead. She's on her stomach and I lift myself up slightly, running my palm down her spine. "Hey," I whisper, my voice cracking and groggy. The room is still spinning, but this time it's from the hangover. "Courtney? Babe, you gotta get up."

She stirs, rolling over and stretching her arms up over her head. Her eyes open and she smiles up to me. "Morning."

"Morning," I answer, slipping my legs off the bed to the floor hoping to ease the spin. I rub my face with my hands and drop my shoulders. I really can't afford to have a hangover today. Outside of this door are four really loud, rambunctious teenagers that are going to rag on me…. I peer over my shoulder and attempt to smile. "Uh, this is gonna be awkward, but…my girlfriend is going to be stopping by and you, um, can't be here."

Her smile fades for a second, but then brightens again. She sits up and shakes her head at me, kissing my chin. "I knew it was too good to be true," she says. "When she does find out and you break up, give me a call." She takes my hand, kisses my palm and slips one of my fingers into her mouth to suck the tip quickly.

With another kiss, she's up, dresses and heads out of the room. As soon as the bedroom door opens, I hear the noise in the apartment; TV is on, the fellas are already laughing and picking on each other, dishes are clanking. This is gonna be so fucking painful. I avoid them as long as I can by getting into the shower. I probably drink half of what's coming out of the spout before I wash away as much evidence as possible. Courtney's written her name and phone number on my palm and I spend too much time trying to scrub it off. I get most of it, but it's still there faintly by the time I give up.

I swallow more water from the sink faucet in the process of brushing my teeth and swallowing some Tylenol, all the while praying that Kristin hasn't shown up before I can talk to the rest of them and swear them to secrecy. As I head down the hall, Alex is the first one to see me. He starts the teasing chorus of 'Kevin!' and the rest of them join in with their own snickering.

All I manage to do is smile, just a little, and lift a hand up to quiet them. "Shut up," I grumble at them playfully, heading into the kitchen. Orange juice is my savior and I drink half of it right from the container as they continue to snicker and tease me. "Look, it never happened, okay?" I finally say, turning to look at them seriously. "None of y'all saw anything."

"Question is, though, did we hear it?" Alex asks. "Cuz I'm pretty sure I heard something coming from your room last night."

"You didn't hear shit either," I grumble, glaring at him.

He shrugs, widening his eyes at me. "Just checking…I coulda swore I heard something though. Didn't you hear something, Nicky?"

"No one heard anything. Right, Nicky?"

Before he could answer, there's a knock at the door. We all look at it from the kitchen before Brian gets up and opens the door. "Hey, Kris."

"Good morning," she answers with a smile. She looks at me and pouts. "Oh, you look awful, darling!"

"I'm a little hung over," I tell her, slipping my arm around her shoulder and kissing the top of her head. "Got a little carried away at the club."

"I figured you would," she giggles, dropping her head against my shoulder making me feel the guilt burn right up to my throat. I'm such a shit. "How late is the show tonight?"

"Not very, I don't think."

"No, we just have to drive two hours there and back," Nicky complains.

"It'll give you time to get your homework done," I tell him, but he crinkles his nose in a scowl at me and Alex laughs. "What? You have work to do too, don't you?"

"I'd rather talk about what you were doing last night," Alex starts. He looks at Kristin and lifts an eyebrow. "He wasn't a very good role model for our little Nicky here, last night." He hooks his elbow around Nicky's neck and musses his hair as I turn green. He wouldn't! "He comes stumblin' in all drunk n'shit…" Alex looks at me and tisks-tisks with a shake of his head. "And you're the one that's supposed to be responsible and be the adult."

Alex may not live to make his millions, or be famous. He may not live to be twenty at this rate.



"Nicky, will you crack a window at least? Geez!" I holler over the radio to the backseat. Did I ever think this was funny? At any point in my life? To gas out everyone around me? I glare over to see him snickering behind his math book, glancing up at me in complete amusement. I sigh and look forward again, opening my window. Yeah, I suppose I did at some point think it was funny.

"You're gonna make him puke," Brian says, nudging him, ripping one of his own off to top him.

"I'm gonna slam your asses together and hang them out the window if you keep it up!"

"Now, that I'd like to see!" Alex pipes in.

"Nicky and Brian mooning Brighton High School! That'll get us noticed!" Howie laughs, shifting lanes, looking over at me. "Just in case you do decide to get sick."

"I'm not gonna get sick, dawg!" I nudge him and roll my eyes.

"He's just gonna bark at us all day until he's not feeling hung over anymore, that's all," Nicky says.

"Or until he figures out how to make it up to Kristin," Brian continues, and I turn to see him giving me one of his looks. Maybe it's a bit of both, but I'm not gonna admit that to them. I can't think straight anyway with this headache, and all I can do is think about how many girls are gonna end up screaming when we're done, 'cause they have been lately, and how much it's gonna pound against my skull. "I thought you were cool with Kris these days."

It's my turn to give him a look. "Bri, when you've actually had a real relationship; like, one that doesn't consist of passing notes in English class and talking on the phone for a few hours; come back and we'll discuss this, okay?"

There's a few hisses and howls from the back and Brian scowls at me. Okay, that was low, wasn't it? But really, he doesn't know what's going on. How can he know what's going on, when I don't even know what's going on? I don't know why I took Courtney home last night. I was drunk. She was pretty. It happened. It's not like I planned to go out and cheat on Kris. I asked Kris to come with me, but she was tired and didn't want to. Besides, is it really cheating if we haven't really had The Talk? I guess it can be implied, but when you come right down to it, we never discussed being exclusive. At least, not yet, not really…

"Kev? Left, or right on Grove?" Howie interrupts my dozing. I didn't notice that I'd fallen asleep, but I jolt up in the seat and look around, then down to the paper in my hand. "Left."

"Good nap?" he asks, and I look around noticing that the rest are sleeping too.

"Sorry. I hate when the co-pilot falls asleep."

He smiles over at me. "I don't mind. You feel any better?"

"Some."

"Was she as good as she sounded?" he asks, giving me a wink.

I shrug, checking the map quickly. "I'm only complaining about the hangover, aren't I?" I return my own wink to him with a grin. It's all such a game, isn't it? This macho crap. I was drunk. I probably sucked. She was drunk, she probably did think it was great. No one screams that much if they're not faking it. I shift in my seat and reach behind me to nudge Alex's knee. "Come on, fellas, time to wake up. We're almost there."

It's the usual mumbles, and groans, but soon there's the activity of getting our things together, and I make sure they clean up their crap behind them. Nothing worse than getting back into a car full of hamburger wrappers that have been basking in the sun all day, and the bottoms of soda cups soaked through, leaving puddles.

"Lemme see, Nicky," Alex teases, jumping out of the van. "Did ya git behind your ears?" He tugs at one of Nicky's ears and Nicky pulls away, slapping at him. "I think he's clean there, Kev."

"You're a fuck," I groan at him, pushing his shoulder. "And tuck in your shirt."



Nicky turns from watching the darkness out of the window and resettles in the passenger seat. Poor kid…he shouldn't be cooped up in a car all this time and I know he's restless and exhausted too. The performance went really well and we ended up talking to the kids for a few hours once we finished, which means, he's not gonna get home until late. I'm sure Jane'll let him sleep in a bit, but with how many brothers and sisters in that house? I'm sure they'll have him up before he wants to be.

"So, who was that last night, Kev?" he asks me, and he sounds almost afraid to ask.

I glance over to him and offer a smile. Last thing I want is for him to be scared of me. Not if we have to spend all this time together, and it's not like there's some other older brother he can go to to ask his questions. "Courtney," I tell him easily, "someone I met at the dance club."

"What about Kristin though? Aren't you seeing her?"

"Yeah, and if she knew about Courtney, it'd really hurt her. That's why I wanted y'all to keep quiet this morning, buddy."

"But why'd you bring her home then, if you like Kristin?"

I have no idea how to answer that to a thirteen-year-old kid, especially one that I really didn't know all that much about. I mean, how much does he know about sex? How much does he understand about urges, and desires, and what happens? By his question, I'm thinking, probably not much. And if I'm going to be honest, I can't really come up with a good enough answer, either. "I just did," I say with a sigh and a shrug. "And I was wrong."

He nods a bit and looks out the window again briefly. "Can I ask another question?"

"Sure." What the hell? We're bonding, right?

He looks back over to me and cocks his head to the side. "Why was there so much screamin'?"

"Uh…" I look over at him completely dumbfounded. "Well…how much do you know about, uh…."

"Sex?"

"Yeah." Breathe, Kev… I want to tell him to ask his parents, but that would bring on a lot more questions about what all he was learning with us.

"I know, like, what you're supposta do."

Okay, that's a plus, right? Okay…work with that. "Well, sometimes, when you do what you're supposed to do…it, um…well…" Think, Kev…what did Tim or Jerry tell you when you asked these kind of questions? 'Ask dad' is what they said. And I didn't ask that particular question. Okay, he knows what you're supposed to do…but does it know what 'do' is? How it actually feels? And how do I ask that question? If he hasn't done that yet, am I gonna be giving him ideas? Fuck. I exhale, pretending to pay attention to my driving for a minute.

"Kev?"

"It's a little complicated to explain, Nicky," I end up saying, glancing back at him. "And I don't know if I should really be the one that explains it. But I wasn't hurting her. Don't worry."



AJ

"He's a dawg, ain't he?" I chuckle once Kevin leaves the apartment with Nicky. Brian's been giving him his superior looks ever since that crack about not having had a real girlfriend before. Howe, as usual, just kept trying to change the subject and keep it all light, but now that Kevin's not around…I want some dirt. "I never would have picked him as the cheating type."

Brian gives us one of his Jim Carrey looks, his jaw dropping down. "Kev?" he gasps in shock. "Dude…he's a total stray."

I shake my head in disbelief. "No way! He always seemed so…committed to Kristin."

"Yeah, committed," Brian grunts. This obviously bugs him, doesn't it?

Howie's actually putting the dishes in the dishwasher, and that kinda shocks me. I don't think I've seen either of them be that domestic before, in spite of how much Kevin nags about it. Hell, if I was living with him and he bugged me about it as much as he does them, he'd wake up and find himself sharing the bed with them…mold and all. "His life," Howie says, glancing to Brian. Brian sits down on one of the stools in the kitchen and opens a pop, taking a large gulp and burps in response. "That's mature."

"His life…" Brian scoffs. "He's got to answer to someone other than himself." Huh? Both Howie and I blink at him. What the hell is he talking about? "Hello?" Brian points to the ceiling. "God? Ever hear of 'im?"

"God?" I basically sputter that out in a choking laugh. "He's a little young to be worried about the Pearly Gates and his entrance through them."

"We could all be dead tomorrow, in an hour…in a week, whenever. We don't have expiration dates on our butts, Alex. It's something you should always consider in your actions."

Okay…whoa! I sit on the stool next to him and just blink at him. "You for real?" I hesitate, afraid of the answer I might get. Please God, not a Bible thumper…. Oh, wait…that's kind of an ironic thing to say, isn't it?

He takes another sip of his soda and looks at me honestly. "Yeah, I'm for real."

"Oh."

He grins at me, one of those warm, too understanding kinds of grins he has. "Dude, if you came as close to death as I have, you'd have a whole different relationship with Him than you do now."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, I've been in and out of hospitals all my life and wasn't supposed to live past being four because of a bad heart." Howie and I just stare at him in shock. "Probably why I still act like I'm four, right?"

"You're kidding, right?" Howie asks in complete concern. "A bad heart?"

"Nah. I'm not kidding." He says it so casually, like it's no big deal. "There's still a hole in there." He pokes his chest and looks down. "Somewhere." Just like that…that's how he reacts to a fuckin' hole in his heart? "Fellas, chill. It's fine."

"How can that be possible? A hole in your heart, and you're fine?" Howie asks incredulously.

"It's been there all my life?" Brian answers with a shrug. "Look, I didn't tell you this to freak y'all out. I told you this because he asked me if I was serious about my beliefs. And yeah, I feel like I've been blessed in my life because I'm still alive. I wasn't supposed to be, but I am. I believe He had a big hand in that, and I'm not embarrassed to say so. So I make certain decisions based on those beliefs, and I think Kevin should consider the decisions he makes a little more carefully. I know he was raised better than that, that's all. His brother's a minister, for Goodness sake! It's not like religion is a foreign concept to him. He grew up in church with his family."

"Well," Howie considers, " I did too, but like I said, it's his life. You make your own decisions to the best of your abilities, right? Maybe Kevin thinks he's doing the right thing?"

Brian only looks at Howie. "How is what happened last night right when he was asking us to lie about it this morning?"

Okay, he's got me on that one. Good question, isn't it?

"So, if you're religious, you don't make mistakes?" Howie questions the question.

That's a good question too, actually. Ball's back in Brian's court.

"Now, I believe you're allowed to make mistakes, but the thing is, you're also allowed to change your mind when you make them and it doesn't have to be too late."

"Yeah, but, dude, he was wasted last night," I say, feeling kind of like I need to defend Kevin for some reason. I mean, there's right, and then there's just…bein' normal. A guy, right? "I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't capable of making the right decision in that state last night."

"Then, he's got to live with that decision and not take it out on the rest of us because he made it."

"Okay," Howie agrees. "That's fair." He goes back to loading the dishwasher. "He was pretty out of line in the van to say what he did."

"Yeah, but, didn't we see he wasn't really in the mood to be given a lecture?" I ask, not to anyone in particular. "No offense, dude, but you were lecturing."

"I was making a point," Brian contradicts. "I was reminding him that I'm not someone he can impress. I'm still family. I was reminding him that he knows better."

"All right." I shrug. This is gonna be a really interesting dynamic, isn't it? Sometimes, I'm reminded how cool it is to be an only child and not have any really close relatives.


Kevin

"So? How'd it go?" Kristin asks me later. I'm exhausted and don't want to do anything but sleep. It's late, the rest have gone in to bed. It's been a long day, with little sleep and I don't want to go over it with her right now. Especially the talk Nicky and I had. That's something that should stay private, I think.

"It went fine," I say, curling up closer to her on the couch, hoping she'll get the message that I just want to sleep.

"I hear you met my friend Courtney."

That wasn't casual. She was definitely accusing me of what I did. Now, the question is…do I admit to it? I take a deep breath and shift uncomfortably. "Yeah, I think I did."

"You think?" she asks in a knowing tone. "Even you're not that callous as to not remember the names of the women you slept with, Kevin." She sits up, folding her arms. "What the hell, Kevin?" I not only see, but hear the tears in her voice and feel immediately like a piece of crap. "I thought we had something here."

I sit up to face her. "We do."

"So, you show it by taking someone else home last night? Nice!"

"It's not what you're…"

"So you didn't sleep with her?"

Fuck. Now what? "But it didn't mean anything, Kris! It was just something that happened. I didn't mean for anything to happen. I wasn't planning on seeing her again." I put my hands on either side of her face and force myself to look into her eyes in spite of the guilt I'm feeling. "I don't want us to break up."

"Then what the hell are you doing, Kevin? Why the hell are you bringing other women home?"

"I don't…I don't know! I wasn't thinking!" She pulls back from me and drops her chin in disbelief. "Kris, I'm sorry! It really…it didn't mean anything!"

"Then why was she here?"

"Because she was there and you were home."

"Well that's just great!"

"I wasn't expecting her to run off and tell you!"

"And you were going to tell me? Somehow I sincerely doubt that, Kevin."

"No, I wasn't planning on you finding out and I wasn't planning on it happening again! I feel like shit as is!"

"Well, good! You should!"

"I do!" I don't know what else to tell her. I've said I was sorry, I feel bad about it, and I don't plan on it happening again. What more can I say? "I'm sorry, Kris. I never meant for it to happen…I love you." Her eyes widen, I think mine do too. Did I really just say that? Should I have said that? It's far from the romantic, candle light version most girls have for hearing 'I love you' for the first time, isn't it? "Kristin?"

She drops against me, wrapping her arms around my waist and whispers "I love you, too, Kevin."

I guess it's okay that I said it. It's what she needed to hear, I suppose. I fold my arms around her and kiss the top of her head. "I am sorry, Kris," I say quietly.

Her response is a lift of her head a long, deep kiss. When she pulls back, she brushes the hair out of my eyes and just looks at me. "You're going to be a lot of trouble, aren't you?"

"No," I tell her. "I'm just going to do the best I can, Kris."

"Do better, Kevin," she says before kissing me again, and I relax into it, pulling her closer to me. I don't know how, but I think I may have been forgiven when she responds further to the kiss. It's fiery, and growing stronger and sleep is pretty much not in my future. But at least this time I'm sober and I'm going to be able to show her that I'm sorry.

Chapter 2: 1994

Chapter 3: 1995

Chapter 4: 1996