Goin' On For Years

by Cori

January 1994

Kevin

It might be better if I felt more guilt after that first time because it might keep me from continuing doing it… But it doesn't happen. What keeps happening is me finding someone else whenever the urge hits. I admit it's not happening as often as it could, but it could happen less than it does. And I've been a little sloppy about it, too, when it comes to being discreet. But, dang it, sometimes I don't care who sees me leave. I'm not broadcasting it, it's just something that's happening. It's something physical. It's not making me want Kris any less. It something completely different than what I get with Kris. And it's been weeks since I've been able to be with her, and weeks until I'm going to be able to see her.

Am I protesting this too much? Making excuses for how I'm acting? Lying to myself? Kristin?

These questions come to me as I'm staring at myself in the bathroom mirror in some other hotel. The fellas and me are hitting every possible gig we possibly can - sometimes two or three a day, without any real breaks. When we get one, we're all going a bit nuts. I've seen Brian and Alex drinking more than I ever thought I would. Nicky's just whining and Howie? Well, he's just Howie. Whenever the tensions start building the poor guy goes back and forth between us trying to get us all to get along.

We're all getting on each other's nerves more than ever, but for the most part, I think we're handling it. We've got a good support system behind us, which makes all the difference. We're being pushed, but to make it in this business, you need to be pushed, and driven, right? There's no room for excuses, and when we get out on stage, there's this incredible feedback coming from the audience. With each show, we're getting more and more of it, and we're nailing more and more of the steps and songs. It's all falling together and we're getting ready to break out. I can feel it. Each time we get in our huddle before going on, and I look into their eyes, I just know we're going to make something of all this. We're paying our dues, and learning the ropes, and no matter how exhausted and annoyed we get, in that huddle we know what we're doing and what our goal is.

I splash my face with some water and head into the bedroom drying it with a towel. It's early enough, finally, that I can call Kristin. We were booked the whole day, had a dinner meeting about some changes in our schedule, and to make up for it, we got the night off. I'm too tired to even think of going out for a drink. The thought of taking a single dance step makes my body ache, but my brain is still buzzing, so I know I wouldn't be able to sleep. And let me tell you, watching cable in the hotel room has totally stopped being amusing by now.

I dial the number and cradle the phone between my shoulder and ear as I stretch out on the bed. When I hear her voice, I close my eyes. "Hey, Kris…"

"Hello?"

"Hey, Kris, it's Kevin."

"Kevin? Is that you?" she starts. Hi!" she says cheerfully. "How's it going?"

"We're busy…but it's going good. How're things at home?"

"You're missed," she tells me, and I can almost hear the smile in her voice.

"Yeah, you too," I tell her warmly. "What're you up to?"

"Auditions…in New York."

Okay, I wasn't expecting to hear that. "New York? When? What for?"

"The Rockettes, Kev! Can you believe it?" She's laughing so easily, and the only thing going through my head is 'she's going to be in New Friggin' York when I come home?' "It's not definite yet."

"New York? For how long?" That comes out a bit sharp, almost accusatory.

She pauses for a moment, saying nothing, but when she answers me, she's kind of short. "However long they want me. Next week, and what does it matter to you?"

"What…"

"But what? Haven't you figured it out yet?"

Figured it out? "Figured what out?"

"There's a world outside of Orlando, Kevin. I'm allowed to be a part of it too."

"I never said…"

"I didn't come to Florida to sit around and wait for you."

"Chill out, Kristin! I never said…"

"I got a 'how long' instead of 'that's great, though. I didn't quite hear the enthusiasm, you know?"

"Kristin, do you have any idea how tired I am right now? What all I've done today? I'm exhausted, Kris." I hear nothing in reply for a moment and just close my eyes. This was supposed to be a good thing, wasn't it? Calling her? Checking in? "Of course I'm excited for you, Kris. Come on."

"Well, it didn't sound like it," she huffs. I sigh in return and roll my eyes at the ceiling. Why does this have to be so hard? Every time I try to call lately, we don't seem to connect. "I'm sorry," she says more gently after a few moments of really awkward, expensive silence. "I'm just so excited by this, I wanted you to be excited for me too."

"I am. I'm just…I'm exhausted, Kris. I'm not reacting to anything normally. We did three shows today in two different cities, interviews with some magazine and a newspaper, and had a dinner meeting that added more to our schedule for the rest of the week. I was up at 4:30 this morning and it's just now a little past nine. If I had ten minutes alone today, it was a lot." Maybe I would be more excited if I got some sleep. It's pretty selfish of me to consider her sticking around Florida waiting for me to come back when I don't know what's going to happen. Let's face it, I don't know what I'm expecting from this…whatever it is between us.

"Sounds like they're keeping you really busy." Her voice is softening, at least.

"They are." I release a heavy breath, just now realizing how much we did do today. "We're all tired and we're all feeling it lately."

"Is it at least going good?"

"Yeah. It's an opportunity of a lifetime. We can't give up on it because we're tired."

"Do you want to?"

"Want to what?"

"Give up on it?"

I don't even have to think to answer that. No. "Hell, no!" We're getting a little annoyed with each other, but that's because we can't get away from each other for more than five minutes. Anyone would be annoyed with company twenty-four/seven. But once we hit that stage we just forget it all and remember why we're doing it all. And we're making a lot of progress. So, it's all good. We could just use a day off, or more than four hours sleep, that's all. I realize that I've been quiet for a bit, and it's starting to be weird. "Well, I just wanted to call and say hi."

"I'm glad you did," she says sincerely. I can that in her voice.

"I'll try to call again sometime next week, all right?"

"Sure." I don't really know what else to say and this is getting awkward. Not even close to what I was hoping this phone call to be. I feel more separated from her than before, wondering what we're doing, if this is worth it. "Kev? I love you."

"Yeah, you too," I answer, not even really paying attention to the words.

Just as I was about to hang up, I hear her. "Kevin?"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe we should…"

I fall back against the mattress, knowing what that tone means, and I'm not in any frame of mind to get into this game. "Should what?" I ask wearily.

"Maybe now's not the time that we…I don't know." She sighs. "I'm just wondering if you're as into this as I am, that's all." More pressure is the last thing I need right now, and I tell her that with annoyance. That's the wrong thing to say, and it's in the wrong tone. "I'm not trying to pressure you!" she protests.

"So, what're you getting at, then? Why're you saying I'm not into this?"

She's crying. I hear it faintly on the other end, and then I hear it in her voice. "I just don't feel like you want this. And we're not together. And I don't know how to get in touch with you. It's just…it's hard, Kevin."

"Fine," I say flatly. "If that's how you want it? Fine."

"Kevin! Don't!"

I don't wait to hear anymore and just hang up, staring at the phone after I do. I'm not quite sure what I just did, or why. I feel like one of those house cats that bolt through an open crack in the door and once they're out, they don't go anywhere and just look confused. But, at the same time…I did bolt through that door at the mere hint of it opening, didn't I? I didn't really protest, or try to get into it. Was there a reason I wasn't feeling guilty about the other women? Was I already on my way out the door, and I'm just reacting to the sound of it closing? If I was, why do I suddenly feel very alone?

AJ

Each of us have a look that we should pay attention to that means 'don't fuckin' bother me.' Brian doesn't smile, sits apart from everyone and, really, he scowls pretty fiercely. Nick's look is more a combination of a pout and squinty eyes, sizing everything up. And he's got a real quick fuse, so you don't want to push him or he just starts punching. Howie just gets really quiet, but his voice rises a pitch when he really means he's pissed off. Me? I kick things, curse…basically get really loud and blow off the steam.

All of that doesn't equal Kevin. He's laid back and all, but pretty serious when he's in a good mood. When he's in a bad mood? Dude! Put me on the other side of the room! His eyes narrow and it seems like his jaw gets even sharper or something, and he gets right in your face. He's definitely fought with older brothers because he really knows how to fight, mentally and physically. For some reason when he walks in the room this morning, he's in a bad mood, and I am not going to be the one to find out why. But it's gonna be a crappy morning. Everything we do is gonna get us bitched at. I can just see it all over his face, and the rest of us know this too. As soon as he came in, we all just shut up.

Brian and Howie go back to their discussion of something they saw on TV this morning as Nick and I pretend to listen even though we weren't paying any attention to it at all. And suddenly, we're all pretty intent on stretching and warming up. Kevin sits a bit a ways from us and goes about his warm up routine and soon, we're all in front of the mirror having dance moves barked at us in rhythm. Piece of cake, really. We're just adding on a small section to one of the routines, but damn it if Kevin can't get his mind in the game.

What the fuck happened last night? I keep looking at Brian and Howie. I mean, if any of us are going to know, it's going to be one of them, but they look just as baffled as the rest of us. Usually, after me, of course, Kevin's the next guy to pick up the routine. I get the moves down, he gets them smooth, a totally different style. Then it's a toss up between Brian and Howie. And, then…there's Nicky who's too busy growing to be graceful, to be honest. I swear he keeps tripping over his feet these days and he's grown at least a foot. Little bastard's gonna be taller than I am after all!

Now, I'm a pretty tolerant guy, but if Kevin fucks this up once more, I'm just leaving. That's all there is to it. He's not even getting the beginning straight, and we've done this a million times already! He kept bitching at Nicky a few weeks ago about getting his 'head in the game', and I'm just about ready to bitch the same thing to him when the tutor comes in. I didn't think I'd ever be happy to see my tutor, but right now? Yeah, I'll go read the same dull sentence about the Civil War again instead of doing this routine again for today - before it turns into some kind of war of our own!

"Hey, fellas," Kevin calls to us as we file out. He's staying behind. "Sorry."

"Off day, Kev," Howie says with a smile and a shrug. The rest of us kind of grumble and head to the showers. At least it's just rehearsals and not a performance, right? Schedule changes can be good sometimes.

Nick throws his sneakers across the locker room and screams. "What's his problem?"

"Shut up!" Brian scolds. Great, now we're all pissy.

Howie, as usual, sits down and starts changing. "He's having an off day. It happens."

"We don't have time for an off day," Nicky mimics Kevin, throwing his other sneaker across the locker room. "Get your head in the game!"

"Shut up!" Brian yells again, snapping his towel at him. "He can hear you."

"Good! Than maybe he'll get his head in the game!"

"Both of you, shut up," Howie says, shooting them a look. "Leave it alone. I'm sure he has his reasons."

"He'd better." Nick storms off to the showers and we watch him go.

"Puberty?" I suggest, trying to ease some of the tension in the room. "It's a bitch."

Brian cracks a slight smile and shakes his head. "I remember, thanks."

"We're all tired. We need to give each other a break now and then," Howie says.

"That'd be great if we'd all do that," Brian says, looking over to him. "But it doesn't seem like everyone gets fair treatment in that department."

Is this another family thing? I swear I'm starting to feel like I'm part of it now with the way we all keep acting. We're all getting sucked into each others drama! We're always there when it happens, though. Kinda hard not to get sucked into it. So, I sit down, waiting to see where this one is going to go.

Howie swings a leg over the bench to face Brian and wipes his towel over his face with a sigh. "We all get fair treatment, Bri," he starts in that calm, understanding tone he gets. Makes it really hard to get pissed at him. "But we also go into everything with expectations. We all have our strengths and we're learning them, and we know one of Kev's strengths is the routines. Today, he didn't live up to the expectations. Is that fair to him? We don't bitch at Nicky when he keeps tripping over his own damn feet. We just expect him to right now."

"Uh, dude? He gets bitched at for tripping over his own dang feet," Brian reminds him.

Howie tilts his head and blinks at him. "We get tired, Brian. I'm not saying it's all perfect, but listen… When was the last time Kevin really screwed up? He's usually has to make us to pay attention. Give him a break today. I'll talk to him about easing up on things, okay? I just think, right now, we need to back off. Give him some space, okay?"

"Yeah," Brian says, although I'm feeling as if he doesn't truly believe him. "We'll see how well he listens."

Screw that…I want to know what happened! What's got Mr. Calm-Cool-and-Collective in a state?

Kevin

For three hours every day, the others go to school. Normally, I try to keep myself busy and not waste the time by either going into the studio and practicing some dance steps, or playing piano, or going over the schedule and trying to get some of the more trivial things done. Today, I go into the studio because our morning rehearsal was a nightmare. I was totally off, completely out of step, and out of focus. I could see Brian and Alex's annoyance with me at the end, and all I could do was shake my head and apologize. Not very professional, and I should be beyond this. I harp on them about being professionals, and I'm not following through on my own advice.

I toy with just going back to my room and chilling out, but decide to go back and try to get through the routine at least once. I've got the music up loud, staring at my feet in the mirror and counting off. Just when I start, the music clicks off and I look up to see Howie by the stereo.

"Shouldn't you be studying?" I ask. He should. He's been taking some college classes, not wanting to stop yet on his education.

"Consider me cutting class for the first time," he says with a smile, clicking the stereo back on, but turning the volume down. "And you're already in the wrong position, by the way." He comes to stand next to me, tapping my leg to show me where it should be placed for this queue. He looks at me in the mirror and his smile dims a little. "What's wrong with you today, Kev?"

"Just having an off day, I guess." I shrug, looking back at him in the mirror. Somehow, it's easier than looking at him directly, although I can't figure out what the difference is.

He shakes his head with a knowing smile. "No, you've had off days before, and you just shake it off. Off days happen. There's something on your mind, dawg. What is it?"

"I think Kristin and I broke up last night," I say quickly, attempting to jump into the routine and missing the next queue.

He moves from standing next to me to standing in front of the mirror and leaning his hands on the bar. "Okay, stop," he orders lifting his hands. When I don't, he walks over and turns off the music. "Stretch," he says. "If you want to keep doing something, stretch, but quit trying to get the routine. It's not gonna happen today, and what do you mean by you think you broke up with Kristin?"

"I didn't," I correct him looking up from doing what he told me to do and stretching. "I think it might have been a mutual thing." I press my head back down towards my knee, not wanting to see his expression. Almost afraid of how he's looking at me. Is he going to blame me? Give me that knowing look as if I should have figured out this was where we were heading when I started bringing home other girls?

"Was it a good ending? Did you have a fight? What happened?"

I stand up and finally turn to look at him. There's no point in trying to keep up any kind of façade. He knows…hell, they all probably know…something's not right. "I have no friggin' idea, Howard," I admit. "I called. We talked. We snapped at each other. We chilled. Then it was over. Something about," I wave my hand in a circle and shrug, "me not being into it, or not having time… Not being around? I don't know. She's probably going to New York and doesn't want to be tied down for all I know."

"What's she doing in New York?"

"Rockettes."

"That's cool!" he says with the excitement I probably should have had last night.

I smile, nodding slowly and lean against the mirror. "It is, isn't it?"

"Why don't you sound excited for her?" All I can do is shake my head in response. "You're not excited for her?"

"Hell, yeah! Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be?"

"You don't look it. You don't sound it. Is that why you broke up last night?" he asks, and that makes me look at him. He's concerned, and I give him a look of total disbelief. "You okay with that decision, I mean?"

I shrug again, switching legs and attempting to stretch again. "We're busy," I say, trying to sound unaffected. "Now's not the time, I guess. I don't know. She doesn't think I want to be attached. She says it's too hard." I wave my hand aimlessly before I sit down and lean my arms on my knees.

He comes over and sits next to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Well…you think she's wrong?"

"How the hell do I know?" I sigh, staring at us in the mirror across the room. "I don't know anything anymore."

"We've been working pretty hard," he agrees. "Not much time for much else right now."

"Yeah."

"Kev? Can I be honest?" All I do is inhale deeply and nod, almost afraid of what he's going to say. "I like Kristin, but maybe she's right. I mean, with everything that's been happening, maybe right now you shouldn't be thinking about a girl at home and just thinking about what we're doing here right now…." Now I turn my head to look at him, and he turns his to look back at me. "You haven't really been all that committed to her lately, Kevin. We all see what you've been doing. Maybe you do need to have some time to figure out what you want?"

It's clear to everyone else, isn't it? It's clear to me too, but why do I feel so…lost?

"How'd it end? If you figure out you want to go back…is that an option?"

Is it?

February 1994

AJ

I'd give anything for a smoke… But I doubt it'd go over very well if I lit up right now. We're just sitting around staring at each other like we've each been kicked in the stomach, barely even hearing Lou tell us about not giving up and not getting the deal with Mercury just means there are better options down the road. I'm getting tired of being paraded around, singing at the drop of a dime, attempting to get someone to pay attention to us! We're out there already singing and working up the audience, why can't we get a label worked up? How the hell do these losers get these jobs if they're friggn' tone deaf? Why can't one of them get out from behind their damn desks and come see what we do? Of course it's not going to be the same with us cramped in some conference room, or office, or a damn hallway! And they all look at us like we're pathetic? They sit there and judge us? Hell, one of them didn't even bother to get off his friggin' phone call at one audition! And they say we need to be more professional?

"Hey," Lou chuckles easily, "you just trust in your Big Poppa, okay? He'll take care of his boys."

I'd like to believe him. Hell, he's taken care of us so far, hasn't he? But I think we're all getting a little disgruntled with doing all this work and still playing high school gyms. Even if the girls are cute. Some of them don't want to be bothered at first, but once we start movin' they get interested. Suddenly their bored stares switch over, and their boyfriend's hands are dropped to clap for us. It's all I can do when I see the smuggest chick turn to our favor and her boyfriend just glares at us. Makes me want to tell him 'Take that Mr. Popularity' for all those guys that teased the crap out of me when I was still in school. 'Who's the geek now, huh?'

Well, okay…I was a geek…. but still! I like to think that once we leave, there's a chorus geek out there suddenly taken a little more seriously. Yeah, I know, I'm kidding myself. But you never know, right? If I'm out there doing this…stranger things have happened, haven't they?

And actually, the high schools aren't so bad. Kevin's got a point…it helps us learn how to handle all sorts of audiences. Later on, we'll never be sidetracked by an unenthusiastic audience. And anyone who thinks that isn't work is fooling themselves. Not getting discouraged when our first song is met with only boos, not even heard…. Getting over that feeling of you're just wasting your time and no one is listening. It's the coolest feeling, though, when suddenly those boos go silent and there is applause. And from applause, suddenly there are whistles and screams. It may not seem like much when you write it all out, but that is some serious satisfaction.

The best one yet was that high school in New Jersey. It started out as such an unbelievable nightmare. We couldn't even start because the backing tracks weren't working, and the audience was just having the time of their lives making fun of us, heckling us…. We just stood there totally friggin' lost at first until Kevin came up behind each of us and gave us our note in our ear. I didn't think he was serious, but damn if he wasn't! He was already pissed, and apparently, you don't piss off Kevin. I cringed when he started lecturing the audience that we were there to sing, and we were going to sing… And then he just gave us one look….

Either because we were afraid of him, or wanted to prove ourselves, or what, I don't know. But he gave us one look, and we started our first song without the backing track and suddenly, the whole place was quiet. Stunned, I think, that we could be in harmony and pitch-perfect. They don't know that usually, Brian is pitch-perfect. And it wasn't some slow, grandparent-y barbershop quartet song they usually get stuck doing in chorus. It was something they probably knew and never considered singing it without backing music. They went nuts, and we had them for the rest of the show. The music teachers usually get up after the show and ask questions because the kids could care less. But this time, the kids were asking questions…do we have girlfriends? What kind of girls do we like? When did we start singing? They asked questions! We signed autographs, even! That hardly ever happens.

So, what's the point of all this? I guess it's that I shouldn't feel totally disgusted. If we can turn around an audience like we did in New Jersey, some record label should be a piece of cake, right? Eventually, we'll figure out how to grab their attention, or Lou will find someone who can do it for us. Right? Big Poppa will take care of us.

March 1994

Kevin

I'm up with a splitting headache. I went to bed hours ago, but it feels as if I've spent the last three hours having the same dream, no matter how many times I woke myself up from it. I just kept going right back into it. The last time, I woke up with the headache and the sound of rain pounding against the window.

I tried to be quiet, but I guess I wasn't as quiet as I thought I was because when I turn from the kitchen window, Brian's standing in the doorway, squinting at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I tell him with a shake of my head. "Go back to bed."

"Why're you up?"

"Couldn't sleep. It's okay, Bri." I attempt to offer a smile, but it's weak, at best.

"You were making a lot of noise," he says, leaning in the doorway and folding his arms. He can't be cold. I'm still drenched in sweat. "Sure you're okay?"

I shake my head, trying to brush it off. "Bad dream. Just thought I'd get up for a bit."

"'Bout what?"

I sigh and close my eyes, feeling my brain throb behind my eyes. "Dad…Kris…everyone, actually. It's nothing, Brian. Go back to sleep."

"You sure?"

"Go to bed." It's more of an order and he reluctantly shuffles back down the hall to the room he shares with Howie. I turn off the light and go sit in the living room for a minute or two, listening to the rain and trying to figure out why I was dreaming what I was.

I was back in Kentucky with my family, but Kristin was with me, and so were the fellas. And Kristin was with her new boyfriend…but somehow I was thinking she was supposed to be with me. It came time for bed, and I was in the bathroom and my mother was settling her and the boyfriend in my bed, and I was suddenly really pissed off. I laid down in the bed set up in the hallway and could see them in my bed and she was cute and flirting and giggling and I couldn't stand it.

Next thing I know, I'm in my room alone, there's some kind of family party going on and I'm taking everything I could get my hands on and tossing it into box, refusing to see, or speak to her. My ma's coming in the room and telling me I'm acting like a child, and what did I expect. But I keep tossing everything into the box. Kris comes in and tries to talk to me, but I won't even listen to her, and that pisses her off.

Somehow, I can't do anything right, and everyone is telling me I'm wrong. I'm over-reacting. I'm behaving like a child. What did I expect?

And, yeah, Kristin was pregnant, which makes no sense at all. That's what they were all celebrating, and I was so jealous I couldn't even look at them. But I kept breaking up sets of things when I put it into the box, and she was pissed that I was breaking up sets. No, pissed isn't the right word. She was…annoyed. And self-righteous. And giving me an attitude. There was a stack of clothes that I was attempting to fold and put with her things, but she came in and said they weren't hers. Ma's calling from the hallway that they were my father's, so I just started pushing them off the bed to get them out of the way.

None of this is making any sense, right? It makes me wonder that maybe I should call her. One thing I always had with Kris was that when I had this overwhelming sense of her, like I do now, she'd end up calling me. I know that's not going to happen, but I wonder if maybe I should call her. Maybe someone is trying to tell me something? But do I have the right to call her? I've avoided everything to do with her since Jersey.

But I did get a Valentine's Day card from her a few weeks ago. Nothing overly sappy or anything, but it did have her New York address and phone number stuck inside. But it's 2:30 in the morning…if I called now, I'd wake her up and scare her to death. No one ever calls at 2:30 in the morning with good news, right? So, I shouldn't.

But I just can't shake the sense of her, the frustrated anger at my own jealousy from the dream. I wanted to much for everyone to say 'you're right. You should be pissed' but no one was taking up my side. Well, Tim was, but that's because he understood the deeper meaning behind it all and was trying to be nice to me. He knew I wasn't really pissed. I'm hurt. I'm jealous.

I miss her.

I go back into my room and sit by the side of my bed, staring at the phone. Before I can talk myself out of it, there's ringing on the other end. Once it's ringing, I'm telling myself I should hang up. But I can't, because it's already ringing.

"Kris?" I ask the voice that answers.

"Kevin?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Kevin…? It's 3:00 in the morning, Kevin."

"I know. I'm sorry…I just…." I'm making an ass of myself. "Is everything okay?"

"It's for me," I hear her say quietly. "Yeah, everything is fine. Why?"

"I don't know. I just…had a stupid dream, I guess." Now I really feel stupid. "I couldn't shake it and had to make sure."

She's quiet for a moment and I don't know what else to say. "That's sweet," she says gently.

"I'm sorry I woke you up." I close my eyes tightly, feeling like a complete idiot. Why did I call? Why did I call?

"How're you? How's everything going with the group?"

Now she's just being nice. "I got your card." I'm not going to cry. This is just ridiculous. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"How's New York?"

She's quiet again. None of this conversation is making sense to her, I'm sure. It's not making any sense to me, and I've been awake for half an hour. "It's good," she finally answers. "Is everything okay with you?"

"I'm sorry, Kris." And she knows I'm not referring to waking her up. She sighs lightly on the other end and I have to force myself to keep talking. "I shouldn't have hung up on you, or…"

"I miss you, Kevin." She did just say that, right? She misses me? "I was hoping you'd call, or write, when I sent the card. I shouldn't have started in on where we were going. I was just scared about what we'd do if I went to New York…if you'd still want a relationship if I moved."

"Nothing is really…" I start. "It's all getting crazy, Kris. I don't want to make promises I can't keep to you. I can't tell you where we're going when I don't know what's going to happen."

"I know. I guess I was looking for an excuse to not go to New York…because I was scared. You gave me an excuse to stay where I was. But it wasn't fair. And I'm glad I came. It's going really well now that I'm here and doing it."

"Good," I say sincerely. "I knew you'd be great."

"Do you have any time off? Could you come up to New York?"

I could, probably. I could talk to Lou and get a weekend or something. We're just waiting around for Jive to give us a direction. "Yeah, probably. I'll have to check when."

"Let me know," she says, and I know she's smiling. I know I'm relieved.

"I'll, uh, let you get back to sleep, okay?"

"I'm glad you called."

"Me too." And I am.

June 1994

Kevin

I remember seeing, maybe reading, something about Sweden being some kind of haven. It's a completely different world, that's for sure. I just can't believe I'm in this place with Alex, Howie and a few other people we've been working with. Brian and Nicky are back at the hotel, but the rest of us are getting trashed on really strong beer and watching half naked women writhe and dance around our table.

Alex is definitely too young for all this, but I'm not in control here. I'm not his guardian, after all. Howie, on the other hand, looks a little confused by it all, taking it all in with wide brown eyes, but, there is a smile plastered on his face and I keep expecting him to bust into a laugh any minute. Me on the other hand? The beer is good. And I don't mind the view, especially when this brunette flips her hair and lowers down between my legs with a smile that doesn't need translation. I wish I could translate to my body, though, that this isn't gonna happen. It's just a tease, and she's good at it.

Maybe Tim knows this, because afterwards, he takes us to one of the dance clubs and leaves us to our own devices. We continue drinking, show some of our moves on the dance floor, watch the locals, and I end up finding a nice Swedish girl that speaks broken English. She's not the brunette from the strip club, but she's brunette and I'm allowed to touch her, and I know how to get back to the hotel from here.

I was doing fine until we went out. Kristin and I were hanging in there, although since seeing her in New York, I realized that maybe I do really love her. God knows I miss her, but for more than what I'm getting from the brunette. I just miss having her around, being able to talk to her, or go to a movie, or just stay in and watch TV. I miss being able to talk to her all night, and if I don't start concentrating on the brunette I'm gonna burst into tears.

So, I put my hands through her hair and pull her in to a kiss, falling back against the elevator wall, and she seems a bit surprised by my sudden enthusiasm. I pull back and slip my hand into hers with a slow smile. "Sorry. You looked like you needed to be kissed, that's all."

"It was good," she says, blushing a bit, but there's a smile.

Yeah, this is do-able, but I'm gonna have to take it slow with her. She needs some coaxing, I think. She knows she's not coming back with me for milk and cookies, but maybe now that it's happening, she's a little scared. Which is totally understandable. We're quiet as we head down the hallway to my room, and I switch on the light and let her enter first. She walks in, looking around slowly and turns to smile at me as I close the door behind us.

"You want something to drink?" I ask, motioning to the mini-fridge and she nods, tentatively sitting on the edge of the bed. I hand her a Coke and turn on MTV Europe for some background noise before sitting next to her.

"I like this," she says, motioning to the TV.

This, I can do. I stand back up and extend my hand, pulling her up to slow dance. She places the pop can down on the desk and places her hands on my waist with an easy smile as we sway our hips together to the slow rhythm. Then, I begin to lead, turning her back to me and wrapping my arm around her waist, pulling her against me. With my other hand, I trace the shape of her body and lean down to kiss her neck, and she tilts her head to my advances.

Within minutes, my hands are unbuttoning her blouse and touching the warmth of her skin and she seems fine with it. Then she turns, and pulls my tee shirt up over my head and kisses my bare chest, her tongue flashing out briefly against me. I just need to remind myself to stay slow and gentle with her, in spite of the raging hard on I have. I let my hands slide up along her legs after I guide her over to the bed and lay her down. She's out of her skirt soon, letting me slip it off her and she sits up to drop her blouse to the floor so that now, she's only in matching bra and panties. Her body is beautiful, and I take my time touching her, all of her.

At first she seems uncomfortable with me looking at her, but as I slide my fingertips over her skin, she closes her eyes and takes a slow, deep breath. My fingertips are replaced with my mouth in small sections and I make my way from her ankles up to her inner thighs with my tongue, skipping up to circle her navel and then to the curve of her breasts. She's slowly starting to touch me with her fingertips dancing on my back and shoulders gently, but then she pulls me up to kiss me deeply and pulls me against her.

I unclasp her bra and she falls back slightly to let me take it off and when I come back, I'm allowed to suck on her nipple and fondle her. Somehow she manages to remove her panties on her own and my hand slides down between her legs to find her already wet and swollen. I barely touch her and she moans in my ear, spreading her legs further.

My pants are totally constricting me I'm so hard and before I can do anything more, I need to get out of them. I kiss down to her stomach and pull away so I can finish getting undressed and find a condom while I'm up because I don't want to be interrupted again. When I turn back to the bed, she's got her hand between her legs and she's biting her bottom lip, watching me.

I reach out and remove her hand with a smile, going back down to lick her inner thigh and try to tease her a bit. She whines and shifts on the mattress, lifting her hips slightly and reaches out to slip her hand in my hair when I slide my tongue along her wetness. She immediately reacts with a quiet grunt and gasp, lifting her hips again against me with another moan when I flick my tongue along her clit. It doesn't take much to make her come and she does so with quiet gasps and moans, both hands tangled in my hair and pulling me further against her.

She finally releases me and I'm able to pull away and slip the condom on. When I come back, she reaches out to run her fingertips over my chest, pinching my nipple gently before guiding her hands down my torso to rest on my hips. I thrust myself slowly inside her, still feeling her muscles throbbing with her orgasm and she drops her head back against the pillow, closing her eyes with a sigh. The next time I enter her, she's watching me intently, biting her lower lip and lifts her hips up against mine. A hand spreads out on my chest and brushes against my skin quickly with the next thrust and I'm not going to be able to keep this slow and steady much longer.

She shifts beneath me slightly, lifting up from the mattress to kiss me deeply before dropping back and pulling me into her. I rock against her faster and she grabs onto my waist and shoulder, moving against me and then she pulls me deep inside by placing her hands on my ass and pushing in my next thrust. That's just about all I can take and my body takes over. I lift up onto my palms, grinding faster and deeper into her until I freeze in my own orgasm. She keeps moving for a second and then pushes me just a bit further inside and clamps her ankles together around my back, holding me inside.

I can barely breathe with the pleasure and we're soon kissing hard, pressed against each other and rolling around on the mattress until the pleasure subsides and we need to break for air. I don't even know what to say to her. She curls up next to me and places her head on my shoulder, sighing contentedly as her fingertips slip across my belly and chest until I fall asleep.


AJ

So, the question is…do I tell her that I've only ever been with myself and a centerfold, or do I try to act like I'm as experienced as my mind is? I mean, sex isn't rocket science, right? There's no hidden secrets anywhere. At least, none that I've seen, and trust me, I've been a keen observer of the female body for quite a few years. There doesn't seem to be many places for tricks to hide on the bodies I've seen...and the body before me.

Dayum!

I don't really have any idea what she's saying to me. My Swedish is non-existent and her English is more Swenglish. I have no clue, but we seem to be talking the International language of Sex at any rate. She's back in my room and we've done nothing more than grope and make out, until now, that is. Now, she's crawling across the bed and pulling me closer by my belt buckle. Once I'm there, she sits back on her heels and pulls her shirt off.

Double Dayum! They're REAL! Hot dawg!

I don't have to do much at this point. She's revved up and ready to go and wants me to go too. As she's busy figuring out my belt buckle, I pull my shirt over my head, but that distracts her for a moment. Long enough to drag her tongue up my belly and flick one of my nipples and giggle deep in her throat before getting my pants undone.

This is really going to happen. Man, I fuckin' love Sweden! I love Tim for bringing us out so this could happen! I saw Howie and Kevin eyeing her up at the club, but she's here with me.

I rule!

I'm not really thinking that I've never done this before. I just know my dick needs to get inside her…soon…and she knows this. She knows the word 'condom' and I rummage through my bag to find one. I've had them for a while in there. Just never had to use them before. Kevin, actually, was the one that said we should always have something on us, even if we think we're never going to need it. (That last bit he said looking directly at Brian.) I paid attention. He's always bringing someone home, so I figure he knows what he's talking about. I'll thank him tomorrow. First, I need to get this on in order to thank him.

But she takes it out of my hand and pushes me back on the bed, crawling over me to put it on for me. Then, fingers spread over my thighs up to my cock and she wraps her hand around it. She lowers over it and I feel her lips on the tip before her tongue flicks over it and she sinks it down to her throat, her tongue staying flat along my shaft as she does so. This is so much fucking better than anything I've ever thought about. Dear fucking God, this is amazing, and it's a lot more than what I was ever expecting. I come almost immediately, and she giggles. That's a little humiliating, and I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do at this point.

She does, though. The condom is tossed aside and she takes my hand, guiding it to her pussy and starts lifting her hips up against it. It's my turn to go down on her and I have no worries that I can screw this up. This is just one of those things you learn as you go, right? What was it that I read? There's no such thing as bad sex? That counts for oral, right? Even if I have no fucking clue what all I'm supposed to do down here, I know how to use my mouth for everything else, I can master this.

I don't think I'm doing all that bad either, because I can feel her pulling at my hair and her hips keep lifting up into my face. I can also hear her moaning and the more she moans, the more she pulls at my hair, or her fingers dig into my shoulders. No teeth…no teeth…but I can suck on this bit right here and tug a bit with my lips over them, right?

Oh, yeah…I rule! That worked! She's grinding against me, gasping and then drops limp under me. Her hands tug at my shoulders, dragging me up her torso, and I can finally get my mouth on her tits, doing pretty much the same thing to them that I did to her clit. She's stacked, man, there's a lot to play with, and once I'm set free to roam, my cock stiffens right back up.

There's another condom rolled on, and while she's tossing the wrapper into the trash on her hands and knees, I slide up behind her and slide myself in. She grabs onto the molding of the headboard and arches her back, pushing back against me, and with the next thrust, I fall right out. Fuck! I guide myself back in, this time trying not to pull back so far, but I do it again. Fuck! She reaches between her legs and guides me in herself this time, and I'm just about starting to think I'm never gonna get this right, but then I do. Yes! I rule! Once I figure out the rhythm, I reach around and fondle her tits for a bit, but then she releases the headboard again with one hand and starts fondling one of my balls.

Before long, I'm holding onto her hips and just goin' to town. She grunts and groans, but I don't think I'm hurting her. She keeps pushing back against me when I thrust. That's a good thing, right? If I was hurting her, she'd pull away, wouldn't she? I can't worry too much about it for long because there's little I can do to hold back and manage to come again.

There's little chat afterwards, mainly because we don't speak the same language. There's a few gentle kisses, some soft touches and giggles. She looks at the clock on the side of the bed, touches my cheek with such a soft smile and gets up to get dressed. I throw on a pair of sweats and at least walk her to the elevator, trying to tell her I'd call her a cab, but we don't seem to be connecting there. She kisses me again, nice and deep, and then she's gone. I never even figured out how to pronounce her name.


Kevin

Good morning. This is your six a.m. wake up call. Have a pleasant day.

I'm still naked and laying on top of the comforter, but I'm covered with the extra blanket from the closet, and the lights and TV are off. Next to the phone is a note with her name and, I'm guessing, a phone number. Once I switch on the light, I look around the room. I'm definitely alone, and a wave of relief washes over me. That made it pretty simple, didn't it? I didn't have any of that awkward good-bye, or asking her to leave, or having to explain anything.

I wait for a minute, waiting for the guilt, but I have to say…I'm not feeling it. I'm pretty sure Kris doesn't know anyone in Sweden. I'm pretty sure no one really saw her come inside with me. And if they did, she'll be long forgotten by the time we get back to Orlando. I'm under no obligation to call this other girl back. We're leaving town tomorrow.

And…the sex was great. When she wrapped her legs around me in that final second, I thought I was going to crumble. Now, all I need to do is get off this mattress, jump in the shower and get downstairs for our breakfast meeting. Anyone that ever said this was the easy life was never in the music business.

The phone rings again, this time it's Denniz to make sure I'm up, or checking up to make sure I'm here. I never did say goodnight to him last night. Either way, into the shower I go, making sure I have a frigid blast of cold water right before I get out to really get me alive and awake. I know the fellas tease me about how long I take to get ready, worse than a girl with all my primping. Thing is, it's not that I take a long time primping, I'm just slow more than anything else, careful, take my time. If I have to shave and dry my hair and figure out what to wear and all that, I may as well take my time with it, right?

I make it down to the conference room where we're having breakfast, and will spend most of our morning. There's a buffet table set up, and most of the fellas are already sitting down, throwing crusts and butter packs at each other. Kids and caffeine, man, it's a bad combo. That is one thing Nicky and Alex do not need in the morning…or ever really. Sugar, either, but again, I'm not the one that's in charge of that. I just need to make sure they behave and are polite and courteous when they're supposed to.

"It's the long lost conqueror!" Alex exclaims as I make my way over to the buffet table, throwing a roll at my head. "Where'd you go last night?"

I pick up the roll and place it on the buffet table and finish getting my coffee and food before sitting down across from him. They're all watching me in expectation, so I stir some sugar in my coffee, tap the spoon quietly and place it on my plate. I sip it slowly and inspect my eggs for a moment.

"Dude, where'd ya go?" Howie asks me, tossing a handful of sugar packets at me.

I lift an eyebrow at him, pick off a sugar packet from my eggs and take a bite. "I got tired and I came back."

"Bullshit!" Alex accuses playfully. All I do is turn my head towards him slowly with a stiff look. "Dude, my room is next to yours and that headboard ain't too secure, dawg."

"Then why'd you ask where I was?" I ask, sipping my coffee again, leaving my eggs. They're over cooked and rubbery. I don't trust the rolls after seeing them being tossed around. God knows where they've been. They can't screw up fruit, can they? I could just have some fruit.

"To dog ya," he answers wisely.

Nicky giggles, shifting in his seat and continuing to play his Gameboy. "I didn't hear any screamin' this time."

"All of you…mind your own business." I toss a few sugar packets across the table with a smirk. "Did we get our schedules yet?"

"Oh, he's not even going to deny it," Howie giggles.

Alex snickers and turns to face him, lowering a pair of sunglasses. "And you should talk? You didn't even come back until this morning."

"What're you? The baby sitter?" Howie asks with a laugh. "Keepin' tabs on everyone?"

"No one's asking him what he did," Brian says with a steady look to Alex.

Alex stretches out in the chair and folds his hands behind his head triumphantly. "Why don't you ask me then?"

"What did you do, Alex?" Nicky asks, lowering the Gameboy for once.

I don't think I want to hear this. Granted, he's about the same age I was when I lost my virginity, but I still don't think I want to hear this. My brain jumps into overdrive. Did he use protection? Was he careful? Does his mom have a clue? How's he handling it?

All Alex does is snicker playfully and stretch again. There are more sugar packets tossed at him, the usual knowing, proud snickers that only guys can give to another guy on such an occasion. Y'all have heard it before, kind of a cross between a grunt and laugh? Nicky looks around the table, a bit confused at first, but I can see him catch the clue and his eyes light up as he laughs. Alex then blows on his nails and rubs them on his tee shirt proudly.

"Don't be so smug about it," I tell him with a nudge.

"Why not? You're looking pretty damn smug about what you did," he says, nudging me back.

"I'm also older than you are," I tell him.

"You're also involved with someone," Alex points out, sitting up slightly.

I look over at him, doing my best to just stay calm. "We'll discuss it later, okay?"

"Uh oh," Nicky teases, "Alex is getting a lecture."

I point to Nick and lift an eyebrow. "You…go back to losing your game."

"I'm not losing!" he protests, and the rest of us laugh...and yeah, more sugar packets are tossed around the table. He's so easy to distract sometimes.


Alex and I are still in the hotel's gym lifting weights. Howie just headed into the shower and Brian's playing basketball with Nicky, so it's just Alex and I. I head over to the bench to spot him and he rolls his eyes when he lies down, taking hold of the bar. "Don't roll your eyes," I tell him with a smile.

"You've just been waiting all day to get me alone, haven't you?" he asks with a grin.

"Just humor me, would ya?" I ask as he starts his reps.

His face turns red with the weight, but he pumps smoothly. "Did you hound Brian when it happened to him?"

"If I was around, I would have…probably," I tell him. "He had his brother to nag him."

"So, what's the lecture then?" He places the bar back in it's holder and sits up, wiping his face with a towel.

"It's not necessarily a lecture, man. I just want to make sure you're okay with everything that happened, that's all." We switch places and I settle beneath the bar, looking up into his face. "You know, sometimes it can be…different than what you expect."

"I'm just fine, Kevin."

I start my reps, taking deep, steady breaths. "And you were careful? You used something?"

"I'm not stupid," he tells me. "Yeah, I used something."

"And you're all right with everything?" I ask again, putting the bar back and sitting up, looking at him.

He snaps his towel at me and laughs. "Kev, you want a blow by blow account?" He giggles and sits next to me, putting an arm around me. "I'm pretty sure everything went the way it was supposed to; more than happy with everything. Everything. Okay?"

"I'm just asking…just in case…." I start feeling pretty stupid now. Why wouldn't he be okay? The guy just had sex for the first time. If she was anything like the girl I was with last night? Yeah…he had a good time. He wants to brag. "Look, what I was getting at this morning at breakfast…we all know you want to shout it from the rooftops. We've all been there, but it's just not the right thing to do."

He nods and I think he understands what I'm trying to say. "Yeah, okay."

I stand up and wrap the towel around my neck. "We should all be setting an example for Nicky, too. He's gonna see a whole lot of things he shouldn't, and his family's already overprotective. It's gonna happen to him someday, and he shouldn't see the rest of us bragging about it. We can at least set an example with how we behave. Show him this is something respectful."

"Yeah, I guess you're right, but it might be too late." He's sort of wincing, but giggling. Nothing is going to get him out of a good mood today. I know this. "I kind of already told him the details about what happened before we went down to breakfast." He stands up and we head to the showers. "I don't think he was all that interested, really. He looked kind of grossed out by it."

I have to laugh. "Yeah, that'll change soon enough."

"Probably about the same time his voice does," he laughs with me.

October 1994

Kevin

"Well, we don't know how long it's going to take," Lou tells us as we sit around the table on his patio. We've been called over for a get together and an "impromptu" meeting about what's going on; what the next step is. It's a little complicated now because Nicky's voice has started to change and we need to take precautions to make sure we don't damage his voice by pushing him to use it. "However long it takes, it takes," he continues with one of his easy shrugs. Reaching his arm out to pat Nicky's back, he smiles to each of us.

Nicky looks ready to vomit, though. He's been quieter than usual, looking miserable as Jane beams to us and attempts to make up for his lack of enthusiasm. The process can be embarrassing for any kid, but with Nicky, I think he's feeling a lot of pressure for it to happen, get over-with, and get on with it. I know something's not right because he's barely saying a word, barely hamming it up like he usually does. He's barely even swimming in the pool.

We go ahead and eat, discuss some things we can do in the meantime…interviews, photo shoots, possible videos, that kind of thing. The machine doesn't have to stop or lose momentum, Lou says. He knows Nicky's doesn't believe him and he's doing his best to reassure him. Patting his back, squeezing his shoulder, teasing him, laughing broadly like only Lou laughs, but even that doesn't seem to cheer him up any. Nicky just finishes eating and goes back to the lounge chair to his walkman.

Poor kid. I feel bad for him, really. We knew it was gonna happen eventually, but I think he kind of hoped he'd wake up one day and it'd be over. That's pretty much what happened on The Brady Bunch, isn't it?

Nicky knows there's so much to do, the label trying to get our name out there, planning strategies, and just when we're ready to go…we have to hang back. Lou's telling us it's not all Nicky. The climate in the industry isn't really heading in our favor or some such thing. We're about as far from this whole 'grunge' thing as you can get and I think they're not quite sure how to market us and are looking outside of the US to see what they can do.

All of us are kind of wondering the same thing. It's like…we worked non-stop for so long getting out there and then we're signed, we're sent to Sweden to work on some material and then…nothing. We came back from Sweden and nothing's happened. I think Nicky's more confused about it than the rest of us are, and just when that all hits, his voice starts changing and he's taking the blame for the stall.

Brian's been great with him, I have to say, acting like nothing's different, like he's just in one of his moods when we were doing all those shows before. There's the usual teasing, trying to draw him into a b-ball game. He's been dunked more times that I can count when he's in the pool, and we got a few smiles out of him. When Alex dunked him one too many times though, he had a fit and stormed out of the pool. He's avoided interaction since, and I've been getting looks from Jane and Lou to do something.

Not sure what I'm supposed to do, though. I mean, I kind of understand what he's going through. I'm the baby in my family with two older brothers and they were merciless with me when my voice started breaking up and cracking. No one speaks about The Brady Bunch until the topic of voice change comes along and then, suddenly, everyone knows the words to 'When It's Time to Change' and you hear it over and over and over…. I think that's why he got so pissed at Alex. He was singing to him as he dunked Nicky.

I take a swim and play around with the fellas for a while before heading over to Nicky. I twist my towel up and whack him playfully to get his attention. He squints, scowls at me, but I snatch his walkman and head off, hoping he's going to follow me.

He jumps up onto my back in a form of tackle, grabbing at my hands for his headphones, but failing. At least he's laughing, knowing I'm just playing with him. He drops off from my back and jumps in front of me, but all I have to do is lift my arms up and he can't get to them. "Come on, Nicky…grab 'em! You can't grab that? Here," I lower them and lift my arms back up before he snatches them. How many times had my brothers played that game with me? "What? Here…psyche! Nah, really…here…psyche!"

"Come on, Kev!" he whines, and the giggle changes as his voice cracks into immediate annoyance.

"Dude," I say, shaking my head slowly, "it's gotta happen, man. Just chill out about it."

"Gimme my walkman, Kev. Come on." He stops playing and just holds his hand out.

I shake my head and start walking further away from the house and patio, waiting for him to follow along. "Nicky, I don't know, dawg…you're not really acting all that…Nicky-like. I think maybe the headphones are numbin' your brain or something."

"Knock it off, Kev," he groans from behind, following me. His shoulders drop heavily and he shuffles behind.

"What're you listenin' to anyway?" I turn the walkman on and lift the headphones to my ears. "Journey?"

"Kev!"

"What's going on in that rattlin' head of yours, Nicky. What're you thinking about?"

"Nothing. I just want my walkman back."

I shake my head and turn to face him. "Nick…your voice has to change. It's not some big deal. We expected it. Chill out about it already."

"I'm chill!" he protests. "I just wish everyone else would."

"Everyone who? What're you talking about?"

"Kev…" He tilts his head and blinks at me. "Everyone at home is makin' fun. I come here, and everyone here is makin' fun. Mom is actin' like if I open my mouth, I'm gonna screw up my voice. And what if it changes so much that I can't sing anymore?"

There it is. That's the problem, right there. He's scared, that's all.

"All right, buddy, here's the plan." Yeah, Kev…the plan. What's the plan? "First of all, let who ever it is teasing you, tease you. It's gonna happen. Toughen up." Okay. That's just your basic common sense. He's been babied all his life. Time to get over it. "Secondly, your ma's just being a ma. It's who she is and," I shift my shoulders slightly and look back over them towards the house before looking back to him, "here's a newsflash…sometimes, parents don't know everything, and they'll never admit that while you're living in their house." He cracks a smile. Might not be a newsflash to him, but maybe hearing it from someone else might help him believe it a little better or something. "And last…your voice is changing, but you've got a lot of people looking out for you; making sure you're not pushing it, or straining it. All that's gonna is that it's gonna get deeper. You're not going to suddenly not be able to carry a tune, although it feels like it right about now, doesn't it?" He nods…a bit reluctantly. "It's just the way things are, Nicky."

"But I tried singing the other day and my voice just…there was no note at all."

I nod in understanding. "Dude, it's temporary. Did anyone explain what's happening?"

He sulks a bit and his shoulders drop again. "Puberty. But this sucks, dawg."

I try holding back a snicker. Poor kid. "I meant, what's going on with your voice specifically."

It's his turn to shrug, but he drops his chin. "Kinda."

I put my arm around his shoulder and start walking slowly. "Your vocal chords are stretching. That's why your voice is cracking and you're range is changing. There's going to be blank spots until they finish stretching, but that doesn't mean it's permanent. If you push or force the notes, you can do damage, and that's why they're all saying don't do it. Let it relax into place on its own. Right now…if you want to sing, don't belt it out, keep it calm. We're not in any rush. You heard Lou…Jive's checking out so much right now, even if you could be Steve Perry, you wouldn't have any where to Perry. Okay?" All he does is shrug again. "It's gonna be fine, dawg. I can guarantee you that every single one of us has gone through the exact same shit. Whatever I haven't gone through, I'm pretty sure Brian, Alex or Howie has."

He pulls away from me and sighs, looking up. "Yeah, so I can hear about how y'all had it worse."

"Dude," I snicker, "there is no worse this time around. There just…is. And trust me, when you come out the other end, you won't be so disappointed."

"Yeah, girls, girls, girls…" He grins at me and rolls his eyes. "And why they go 'Oh! Oh! Oh…'"

This time, I laugh and hook my elbow around his neck, clamping my hand over his mouth to stop his fake moaning. The brat licks my hand, and I let go, but he starts up with the moaning again. At least he's laughing though, and he bolts away from me, his hand clasping onto his headphones and tearing them out of my hand.

"Psyche!" he cracks back at me, turning around and running backwards. Whatever I said, maybe it helped for the time being.

"Punk-ass!"

Chapter 1: 1993

Chapter 3: 1995

Chapter 4: 1996