Goin' On For Years

by Cori

January 1995

"Nothing?" I'm on the verge of screaming, clasping the phone in my hand. "How can nothing be happening, Lou? Did Jive move and not leave a forwarding address?" I don't want to calm down, and if he chuckles easily one more time I'm flying down to Florida and spending New Year's wringing his neck. "Six months, Lou… It's been six months. Nicky's voice is fine. We can work. We can do something…." I shake my head at his response. "Bullshit…it's not something to get nervous about." Oh…I said that out loud? "Sorry, Lou…" I close my eyes tightly and exhale, trying to stay calm and rational. "I am nervous. This isn't how it's supposed to be, is it?"

I don't feel any better as I hang up. It's always the same excuses…not the right market, trust Johnny Wright - he knows what he's doing, we don't want to just accept anything they offer, we believe they can give you more… If they keep refusing the offers, I'm scared Jive is going to tell us to take a hike. And where will that leave us? Back on the junior high route? I couldn't. I just couldn't do it.

But what the hell else am I gonna do? Go back to Disney? Go from being Aladdin to Donald Duck?

As I step outside onto the deck and take a deep breath, the reality stings more than the cold. Leave the fellas? Now? Could I actually walk away from them at this point? When I have tapes and tapes of what we can accomplish? When all I need to do is really just close my eyes and listen? We're good. We're not like anything else out there right now…shouldn't that be a good thing? Jive signed us because of the frenzy we created…how is it that can we make it happen on our own, and they can't figure out how to do it? Is this something I should worry about? Are they as good as the promises they're making?

And what's got me into this tangent? One word - ex-fiancé, or is that two words? One and a half? Here's two words: past history. And it's a painful one too. At the time, I thought for sure she was it. The person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't care that she was older than me. It didn't matter to us, why should it have mattered to anyone else? She made me laugh. She made me feel good. After everything with dad, she made me feel like there really was a future. And I needed to hold onto that… But as we started making plans for that future, a whole different person came out. She couldn't understand what I wanted to do. I couldn't understand what she wanted to do.

So, what am I doing even thinking about her and her future? What's the big deal? What am I feeling? Jealousy? Anger?

Why the hell do you care, Kev? Why the hell do I care?

So what if she's getting married next week? It's been more than a year. She's moved on. You've moved on, right? What's the difference? You're not together. You haven't even talked to her in months.

So what does it matter?

Outside of the fact that we were going to be married and she called it off. That she told me she wasn't ready to be married to anyone? That we went back to her place and I spent last night with her before she told me she was getting married?

Not that I was expecting to sweep her off her feet, or that we were going to get back together. At least that much was said at the get-go. It was just a…I don't know. Fling, I guess. She had cold feet and wanted to be sure?

Would I have done something different if I knew she was engaged? I would have walked away and felt pissed off without having sex. I wouldn't have answered so many questions about what's next with the group. What if I said our single dropped next week and we're gonna be the next number one? What difference did any of it make anyway when she's going off and marrying some teacher anyway? What would she have told her teacher? Or me?

The door opens and I feel a coat draped over my shoulders before my ma stands next to me. "You keep forgetting you're not in Florida? It's cold out here, Kevin. You need a coat."

"I was just getting some air."

"For half an hour?" she questions knowingly. "The call didn't go well to Lou? What'd he have to say?"

"Nothing to worry about," I groan, slipping my arms into the sleeves of the coat. She's right. It's cold. "It's all good."

She rests her head and wraps her arm around my mine. "You don't sound very convincing, dear."

I move to stand behind her, resting my chin on the top of her head and draping my arms over her shoulders. And it hits me that I don't remember when I got to be so much taller than she is. "It's been a long day, ma. I'm just thinking too much about what needs to happen when I get back, I guess."

"And what happened here while you were away?" she asks. "How's Beth?"

How do they do that? How do mother's know what you've been up to when you don't say a single thing and they weren't twenty miles near you while you were doing it? What the heck is that? "Gettin' married," I tell her.

"I have to say it, Kevin…it wasn't right for you." She puts her hands over mine and squeezes gently. "She's a nice girl, but it was all so sudden and so fast. I just don't think it would have been the best thing for you."

I chuckle and hug her more tightly. "Is that why you were so gung-ho about me going back to Florida? Removing temptation to go after her after she broke my heart, ma?" I'm teasing her, but part of the question is for real.

"Part of it, yes," she chuckles back. "But you weren't happy here, with or without her, and you needed to go back and finish your business in Florida anyway. That was part of the problem between you, wasn't it? She wanted to stay…you wanted to go, if I remember correctly."

"Well, yeah…."

"Well, yeah," she mocks with her light laugh, her hand tapping against mine. "You boys never want to admit I'm right sometimes."

"We admit it," I laugh, stepping away and opening the door for her to go back inside. "We just don't admit it to you."

May 1995

There's a rumor that our single is going to drop soon, and I'm gonna be the coolest kid on the block. I may not have a clue when, but it's going to happen, and I've spent the last two weeks, it seems, celebrating that. I'm not sure why I'm celebrating now, when we've had three singles ready to go since last July, but why not now?

Problem is, my mom isn't very pleased at the moment. I've kinda started slacking on things at home. She says it's all going to my head, and she almost smacked me when I asked what was going to my head since nothing's happened to go to my head. She's complaining about my schoolwork not being up to par, but it never has been. I'm bored in school. I'm tired of school. I want to get back with the group and do something. I'm restless. She should know that.

So, I decided that it was time to get things happening, even in my own head and I've gone out with some other friends of mine; friends from home, Larry, Ben, and Phil. All we've done really is sneak into some bars and go to a few parties. Today is the third day in a row I've woken up with dry mouth and a headache. And it's the fifth day in a row I've woken up late for school.

Shucky-darn!

I missed more days than was allowed anyway, had a tutor and we've all decided that a GED is the best way to go about all this with what my schedule had been like, so it's not like I'm really missing anything by not going to class. My tutor can catch me up with whatever I need to know.

"Alexander James!"

All right, so it might be a bit of a problem with my mother.

The door flies open and there she is, standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips and her lips tight. "Alex! What're you still doing in bed?"

I smile my most charming smile at her and fold my arms behind my head. "Uh…sleeping?"

She's not amused. "God damn it, Alex! I thought we had an understanding! I can't keep doing this! You have to start taking some responsibility for yourself if you plan on having an adult career!"

"Mom," I sit up and blink at her, "how many adults do you know go to 11th grade?"

"One," she says firmly, pulling the blankets off me, "you. Up. Now." All I do is make a whining noise and give her a pleading expression. "Alex…there's only few more weeks until summer break. Just humor me, would you? I have to go to work and I can't stand over you like this. Give me a break…please?"

I'd do anything for her when she sounds like that, and now I feel like a complete selfish asshole. Why doesn't it ever dawn on me sooner how much she's doing for me to have this career? She's working with the group, and still holding down a job. Granted, we've got some money from signing the contract, but she's still holding on to that in the reserves. Not that she's telling me that, but I know my mom and she's being cautious with it…just in case. And she won't say 'just in case' because she wants us to make it just as much as we do. I really do need to give her a break.

So, I schlep myself out of bed and throw some clothes on and let her drop me off at the school. I stand and wave at her, turn to go up the sidewalk and look back over my shoulder. The light has changed, she's around the corner and out of sight.

Bye-see-ya!

I keep walking straight, head over to the smoking area and find Larry and Phil outside. It's too nice a day to waste sitting in a classroom, so we head to Larry's car and get the flock outta there! What my mom doesn't know won't hurt.

I'm learning how to body surf. Technically, that's learning, right?


She's waiting for me when I come home. It's late again, but there's no school tomorrow. At least, I don't think there's school tomorrow. I can't ponder the question too long because she immediately starts screaming at me. "Where the hell were you?"

"I went out after school with the guys," I tell her, pointing to the closed door.

"Stop lying to me, Alex!" she screams, standing up and resting her fists on the table. "Your school called me at work! Where the hell were you?"

School called? Fuck, I didn't think about that. "I don't know what you're talking about…" Lie! Smile and lie… "I was there, mom."

"Stop it, Alex! Just stop it!" That's when I notice she's crying, and I don't know what to do. I hate when she cries, and I hate when I make her cry more. "Don't make me regret this."

"Regret what?"

"Not waiting until you were old enough to handle the responsibility," she tells me, looking directly at me. "If you can't be responsible enough to go to school, how are you supposed to be responsible enough to handle the schedule of a performing career, Alex? What happens when you don't want to get up and meet fans, or reporters, or get on the stage? Are you just going to stay in bed? Go off with some friends? Disappoint everyone instead of just me?"

I feel like shit. I should have just done what she asked me to. I should have just sucked up and sat in class.

"I know you're drinking. I know you're smoking… I'm scared to find out what more you might be doing. I'm petrified what you're going to get into when I'm not standing over you. Can't you see that? Can you understand that?"

I walk directly over to her and wrap my arms around her. "I'm sorry." She wraps her arms around me, and smacks my butt with a frustrated grunt. "I promise, I'll do better. I'll show you I can handle it. I'm gonna graduate. I'll even do it with my class, okay?" I pull back and smile at her. "You won't recognize me I'll be so responsible."

August 1995

The single flopped. We've peaked at sixty-nine on the charts - resulting in the cancellation of the tour we'd been working on and we're taking it pretty hard. When we started bitching we were met with 'it's okay…the European release is still scheduled…it's just a small set back…' and really, I don't think that's what we wanted to hear just then. I think it's pretty important that we all spend some together, so Nicky and Alex came home with us. We're really the only one's that are kind of feeling the same disappointment, next to Lou, and if we want to bitch about it, we should be able to bitch. Lou isn't ready to bitch…he's holding firm in his belief in us. The pep talks can follow, but I think we need to be upset without interruption. Maybe seeing how the others are handling it will give us ideas how we want to handle it collectively.

Out of any of us, I think Nicky's taking the news the hardest. He's done nothing but look at his feet or out of the window with a huge pout and his eyes full of tears. Whenever I go over to him and put my arm around his shoulder, he squirms away and drops his chin further, so I've kept my distance, but also kept my eye on him.

Right now, Brian's sitting next to Nicky, nudging his shoulder and they're both already giggling. Frick and Frack…that's what we've been calling them lately. It's like they're twins, with their own language and inside jokes. One look, and the other busts up into uncontrollable laughter. Brian's a lot more 'happy-go-lucky' than I am and if there's anyone that's easy with a smile, it's him - even if he doesn't necessarily feel like smiling himself. And that's one of the most amazing things about my cousin…his ability to make everyone around him feel like it's all going to be just fine under whatever circumstance they're facing. He's always been able to find the right words or gesture to encourage somehow.

Alex and Howie are also sitting together talking, and the scowl on Alex's face is a pretty good indication that he's not pleased. He's picking at the threads on his shorts, glancing around the room on occasion. Howie's not really saying all that much, but he's the quietest one out of all of us. I don't think he ever takes disappointment to heart, or lets it get to him, but he's somber and quieter than usual.

"Well, this sucks," Alex finally says to everyone, digging his heel into the carpet with a kick. No one really says anything, but then again, what can we say? It does suck. "Just like that? They pull the plug, just like that? How're we supposed to make people know about us and sell the single if we're not allowed out there to make people aware? What the hell were we waiting for all this time anyway?"

"Me."

I'm not sure I actually hear him at first until Brian turns and looks at Nicky with one of his weird looks. "Nicky, no!" Brian says, pushing at his shoulder. "That ain't true!"

"Yes it is," he says, looking up with wide, blue eyes to everyone. "An' I'm sorry fellas."

"Sorry for what, dawg?" Alex asks. "You didn't do anything."

"My voice…."

"Yeah, and that was like, six months ago, Nicky," Howie says, leaning over to pat his leg quickly. "We were ready to move six months ago, and there was nothing to move on. That had nothing to do with you."

"But if…"

"No, Nicky…there's no if," I say, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees. "We knew it was going to happen, and so did they. We did what we needed to do, and like Howie said, it was a good six months ago. Since then, we've been doing fuck-all." So, that sounded a little bitter, didn't it? It must have because I've got four pairs of eyes blinking at me. "What?"

"Dude," Alex chuckles, "don't hold back your feelings. Tell us how you really feel."

"Well, it's true, isn't it?" Brian says. "We haven't done a whole heck of a lot. Bein' told to wait, not the right time, not the right deal… What're they waiting for anyway?"

"For Nicky to grow hair on his chest," Alex giggles, kicking Nicky playfully. "Just joshin' ya, dawg."

All Nicky does is make a face at him and drop back into the couch. "This sucks."

"So, what do we do now?" Howie asks, looking at us. "We don't have to practice for a tour anymore. We're just gonna sit around and wait some more?"

"What other choice do we have?" Brian questions with a shrug. "It's not like we can make up our own tour."

"We wait," Alex sighs, dropping back himself. "And wait…and wait…"

"We ask more questions," I interject, looking at them. "We just have to keep asking questions and find out what's being done; what the next step is."

"We're just gonna get the same dang answer," Nicky mumbles, looking up at the ceiling. "Give it time, they're still talking," he mocks.

"Yeah, but at least they know we're actually interested in the next step and aren't just sitting on our asses," I tell him. "We can attempt to be proactive."

"Annoy the crap out of them?" Alex suggests, looking over at me.

"Yeah, kinda…" I agree. "But politely. And we can't get lazy," I add. "We need to make sure we do something to keep moving forward."

"Like what?" Nicky asks, sitting up a bit.

"Practice," I answer him. "We need to make sure we're ready when they call. Doin' our vocals, warm up's even, workin' out, workin' on the dance steps."

"Yeah," Howie nods, "he's right. We should stay sharp."

"Easy for you all," Alex says, motioning to us. "Y'all live together. Nicky and I aren't here."

"You don't need us to sing, dude," Howie says. "Sing in the shower if you have to."

"I'll come and pick you up if you want," Brian offers easily, and glances over to Nicky. "You too, if you want. I don't care."

"Let's make a plan," Alex says, sitting forward.

"A schedule," Howie adds, looking around.

This is what we needed. We needed each other. We needed our own boost, feel in some control over what we do. I join them back in the living room, sitting around the coffee table with them. It's up to us to make this work, right?


Later, I'm attempting to read Rolling Stone, but I've read the same sentence at least twenty times and it's still not making sense to me. As I start on my twenty-first time, there's a knock at the door and Howie's standing there looking in. "Hey," I tell him, pushing myself up a bit against the wall.

He comes in and sits at the foot of my bed, watching me. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I answer quickly, closing the magazine, "why?"

"You were pretty quiet in there before, Coach." He smiles at me, a bit knowingly. "The rest of us were getting it all off our chests, but you just…. Just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Y'all were saying whatever I wanted to say," I tell him with a shrug, hoping he can't hear the lie behind my voice. I'm not okay, but he doesn't need to know that. The rest of them seem to be doing better, and I kind of felt like at least one of us should be confident about where we were going, even if I'm not sure. I'll bring it all up with Lou later on and see what he has to say.

"Well, even still…" He lifts a shoulder, watching me. "You were quiet."

"What do you want me to say? It sucks? It does. I'm nervous? I am. What is there to do other than wait it all out?"

"All right," he hesitates, standing up slowly and looking at me, "I just wanted to make sure you're okay with everything."

"There's only so much we can do," I say, offering a slight smile, "so I'll have to wait it out like the rest of y'all. Thanks, though."

"Well, I'm around." He heads back out of the room and closes the door over behind him. I pick up the magazine again, but drop it back down with a sigh, looking outside. The sun is setting through the palm trees and my mind's wandering back home. Things like this always sent out on a hike; fresh air, nature sounds, alone with my thoughts…a talk with my dad. The palm trees aren't quite offering me the same kind of solace looking out at them, even if the sunset is beautiful. I'm missing the leafy-ness, the soil, the rocks…the smell of it all.

"Kevin!" Brian's at the door. "Dude, the phone! For you."

"Sorry…" I mumble, rolling over and picking up my line. I forgot that I turned the ringer off this morning after some sales call and woke me up. "Hello?"

"It didn't go well, did it?" Kristin asks gently. "You were going to call and tell me how it went."

"It didn't," I sigh, dropping back onto the mattress. "Everything's been put on hold and they're…how'd they put it? Looking at other avenues."

She moans gently and mumbles that she's sorry. "How's everyone taking it?"

"Hard. Real hard. Everyone's here tonight, and I was just hangin' out in here looking out the window. Can't concentrate for shit."

"Do you want to come over? Or me come over there?"

I'm not sure what I want. "I'm in a really shitty mood, Kris," I say. "I don't know. I think maybe the fellas and I should just chill tonight."

"Okay…" She's quiet and I'm not sure if I've disappointed her.

"I'm waiting for Lou to call me and I want to get a better idea of what we're supposed to be doing now, you know? We've been gearing up for this tour they planned and pulled out from us, and I don't want all that work to get wasted. There's got to be something we can do."

"Did they tell you anything?"

"They're going ahead and releasing the single in Europe and we'll play it by ear, but that's still like…six weeks away. I'm gonna go insane if I have to sit around for another six weeks."

"You sound so sad, baby," she coos sweetly.

"It's been a crappy day." Pretty obvious. "How 'bout you? How'd your day go?"

"Nothing major," she says. "The usual…the audition went okay, but I don't think I'll get it. There was one girl there…" My mind's wandering, and I know I should be paying more attention to what she's saying, but I can't. All my thoughts are flying right out of my head.

"I'm sorry, Kris," I interrupt her. "I'm just…I'm not hearing anything you're saying. I'm sorry."

"It's fine, baby. I know you're upset. I just wanted to check in on you and see if you needed some company."

"I got company," I chuckle. "I'm avoiding them too."

"Well, don't," she scolds gently. "Go talk to them. They're probably feeling the same as you are."

"Yeah, they are. It's not doing much to help, though. I'll feel better once I talk to Lou, I think…get some answers. I hope."

"Then, I'll go so the line is free."

"I'm sorry, Kris…"

"I understand, Kev. I'll stop by tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that's cool."

As I hang up, I consider that she's partly right. I should be out with the fellas and not really hiding out in my bedroom. I mean that's the whole point in bringing everyone over here, right? So we'd have some company in our misery. I can hear the Nintendo going, and Nicky and Brian's cackling at each other, I'm sure. Howie's telling one of them when to shoot, but I don't hear Alex. That's got me a bit concerned. You always hear Alex.

I make my way down the hall and he's not there. When I ask where he is, Brian points to the sliding glass doors, and I see him…smoking. Smoking? Since when does he smoke? And is he allowed to smoke? Does Denise, his ma, know he smokes? I furrow my forehead looking at the rest of the fellas and all I get are shrugs in return. They're just as surprised as I am, I guess.

I go outside and sit in one of the chairs out there, watching him without saying a word. "Don't start," he says immediately.

"I didn't say a thing," I answer with a lift of my shoulder. "I just figured you'd be lonely out here on your own."

"Yeah, well…" That's all he says, dropping down into the chair next to me, flicking his ashes. "It's not a major habit," he tells me a few minutes later after we listen to the night air for a while.

"All right," I reply. "We didn't know you smoked."

"I do."

"I can see that." I crack a smile. He's seventeen, but sometimes, I get the feeling that he's a lot older than that. In spite of all his wise cracks and goofing around, he gets his serious moments and when they strike, he just seems like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. "Brian sent you outside, didn't he?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah." I nod. Brian's never liked the smell of smoke. Then again, he's always had to be more concerned about his health than anyone else I've known. I can still hear my ma on the phone talking to his ma asking how he was, and finding out he was in the hospital. The whole family was nervous for a long time, and at all the family gatherings, they'd always make sure the cousins knew to go easy on him. And he used it to his advantage, the brat. He could just burst into tears and get anyone he wanted in trouble. Once we got older, though, we all got back at him. He's been locked in closets, shoved in clothes hampers while someone sat on top to keep him in there…nothing bad, but nothing all together nice, either. "He's sent me outside a few times, too."

Alex looks over at me and lifts an eyebrow in confusion. "You don't smoke."

"Not a lot, no," I admit. "And not cigarettes." Hell, we're going to be basically living together, we may as well know all our dirty little secrets, right?

This comment really lifts his eyebrow and he almost chokes on his inhale. "Dude!"

"Oh, come on!" I scoff. "I'm from the mountains in Kentucky, dawg. How can that even surprise you?"

"You're so…so…" He shakes his head at me. I really think I've blown him away. "I don't know, but it does surprise me."

"Heavy metal, Moonshine and weed, dude," I chuckle, slouching in the chair a bit and crossing my ankles. "It's about as cliché as you can get, huh?"

"Well, I've seen you drunk. That's not a surprise."

I laugh. "You've seen me stoned, too, dude. I was just drunk along with it."

"No fuckin' way!"

Yeah, I've blown him away. "Way!" I play with him, laughing. "And Lou's told me under no circumstances am I to ever appear drunk or stoned in public in any way, shape or form from that day forward. And I haven't. We're pure and wholesome and the kind of boys little girls want to take home to their mommies."

Alex busts up into giggles and slouches down too, flicking the cigarette butt into the grass. "Boy, won't those little girls get the surprise of their lives?"

"Does Denise know you smoke?"

"Yeah, but I'm not allowed to smoke in front of her until I'm eighteen," he smirks, and I'm sure he's rolling his eyes, but he's in the shadow. "My dad smokes, apparently. So, that's something I take after him."

No, dude…don't bring up fathers. I can't go there right now. I am trying really hard not to hear the little voice in my head that's screaming 'I want to talk to dad!' And I can't. Four years, and I still want to just pick up the phone and call him. Wonder what he'd say to all this, anyway. 'Hang in there, Kev… It won't happen over night.'

"Oh, sorry, man." I guess I zoned out because now he's looking over at me.

"Nah, it's nothing." Shrug it off, Kev. Just shrug it off.

"Guess you miss him, huh?"

"Who? My dad? Yeah." Keep it light. Keep it simple. Don't think too hard about it. "Can we not talk about that right now?"

"Oh, sure…sorry."

"It's cool…" I flash a quick smile. "You done polluting your lungs? Ready to head back inside?"

"See?" He stands up with a laugh. "Now y'all are gonna give me a hard time, aren't you?"

I place my hand on his back and laugh. "Hell, yeah! Every chance we get, dawg!"

October 1995

"Okay, from the top!"

If my muscles could shriek in pain, they'd be doing it right now. I work out. I should not be this unaware of my muscles…or should that be aware? Whatever. I'm in agony. Each time we lift our arms up, I can almost hear each of us whimper. I think Fatima does. She's our new choreographer. I think she enjoys her power. Each whimper makes her smile that much more. She says it means that we're really working, but deep down inside, I think she likes to make little boys whimper.

"If you get it this time, I'll let you go home."

"Promises, promises…" AJ calls out.

Yeah, Alex is going by AJ now. Not quite sure when all that happened, but it's been sticking. Along with 'Bone' and, no, I'm not going to get into how he got that one. We've all been getting nicknames. I'm 'Train' lately. Brian and Nick have become 'Frick' and 'Frack', and Howie's 'Sweet D', short for 'Sweet Howie D.' I guess things like this make it all official, doesn't it? Nicknames an' all, I mean. We're beyond co-workers at any rate. We're beyond friends…? But not sure what comes after friends.

"Kevin?"

"Aw, man! Come on!" Brian groans, his shoulders dropping forward.

"Sorry! I wasn't paying attention!"

"On two!" Fatima starts, smirking playfully at me. She's just too much fun, really. Works us hard, but understands we're not quite professional dancers and manages to make us look good with a lot of work and even more patience. I thought for sure this would be easier than it is because, hey, I have some formal training. But we're not doing the Tango, or Meringue, now are we? My instructors never called out 'pop! And pop! Bam! Bam! Bam!' with any lesson we ever learned. And I spent my time counting to four more times than I care to. And it's pretty amazing how many people can't count that high…

"Kevin! Dang it!" Shit…that's Nicky and I've screwed up again.

"Okay, never mind…" Fatima's shaking her head at me, but there's a hint of a smile. "We'll pick it up here tomorrow. I want all of you ready and willing tomorrow!"

AJ bays like a wolf and starts doing some kind of jig. "I'm ready!"

"Yes, AJ, you're my favorite today. Let's see if, tomorrow, Kevin can get a gold star, huh?" She snaps a towel at me as I walk by and give her an apologetic look. "You rest up, baby," she says to me, walking and wrapping an arm around my waist. "There's still a lot of work to be done if you boys are going to be ready."

"We have two weeks," I say in a joking protest. "That's plenty of time, ain't it?"

She give me one of her stern looks and stops in the middle of the hallway. "Don't you even start with me."

"Gotcha!" I laugh, pushing the door open to the locker room and showers.

Through the door, I hear her call after me, "that's not funny, Richardson!"

Inside, there isn't a lot of movement, and whatever movement there is, is very slow. It's only our first week, so all of us are a little caught off guard about the amount of work that's really involved in getting a show together. Sure, we've done a few shows before, but this is an all out, full-scale performance meant to create a buzz as part of The Smash Hits Roadshow in England. All this happened after our single went gold in Germany.

Yeah…gold!

It's the same single that sank here in the US if you can believe it. We're all pretty shocked by the whole thing - the diversity between the countries. We still haven't charted in the UK yet, but they keep saying it's only a matter of time. It's like we've been given an incentive, so I suppose we're going to go with it, and give it everything we've got to take it all the way.

I grab my towel and head to the shower. By the time I'm finished, the fellas have recovered and the radio is blasting U2's 'Hold Me, Kiss Me…' Kill Me? Thrill Me? Whatever that song is. AJ is wearing white socks and a pair of boxers, playing air guitar as he stands on the bench. Nicky sits behind him playing air drums in a football jersey and a pair of boxers, his hair wet and flopping over his forehead. Howie's dressed in his usual jeans and long sleeved tee shirt, fixing his hair in the mirror, nodding his head to the beat and singing along. I watch Brian jump up onto the bench, wrap an arm around AJ's neck and sing into his fist. He's in a tee shirt, boxers and socks. We're some trendsetters, aren't we? I'm just in time to join in at the last chorus, belting it out with a towel wrapped around my waist, singing into my shampoo bottle.

It's one of those moments when I can't help but feel like I'm going to remember this moment forever. I mean…this is us, no holes barred, no walls up, no pretension… It's just Alex, Brian, Howard, Nicky and me being Alex, Brian, Howard, Nicky and me. And what we've got goin' on is really pretty cool when I think about it.


AJ

"Recess is over, boys and girls!" I call across the courtyard, hooking my elbow around Nicky's neck and mussing up his hair with the 'girls', just to piss him off. Brian's finished up with the tutor and the half-court game we started has to end so we can do our vocals for a few hours.

Howie takes a final shot, jumping up in front of Kev and sinking the ball as we all watch. "Yesssss!" he hollers, fist in the air. Kev didn't even see that one coming. Ha! Dude, the guy is competitive! No one is safe on the court with that guy! Doesn't matter if you're a foot shorter and a good hundred pounds lighter than he is. If Kevin wants the ball, Kevin takes the damn ball! Who knew basketball could be a contact sport? A few times I've seen him charging my way and just gave it to him before impact. It's cool, though, because that totally confuses him and we all just end up laughing.

Kevin's got Brian on his shoulders, taunting Howie to try and make that shot again. "Head's up, Howard!" He dips down a bit, and I jump onto Howie's shoulders to even the chances out. I can't make a shot to save my life, but I'll give it a shot. Nicky's somehow become the ref, and he tosses the ball up.

I said recess was over, right?

I try for it, but Brian's quicker and off they go. Kev's dribbling the ball, hands it up to Brian. "Two points!" Brian calls, tossing the ball to me.

"Howard." I hand the ball down to him and we're off in a scuffle with them, but somehow manage to stay in control of the ball.

"Two points!" I bellow once I sink the ball, resting my elbows on the hoop. I could be a much better player if the hoop wasn't so far off the ground. Psyche!

"Lucky shot!" Kevin teases, taking possession of the ball. "Best of three," he says, turns and sinks the damn thing clear in without Brian's help. Loser. "And that's three. Let's go." He bends forward, letting Brian leap-frog over his head.

"Other than cheating…" Howie starts.

"Not cheating!" Kevin laughs, knowing full well it was. "It's not cheating when you make up the rules as you go."

We file in, still smacking and swatting at each other and gather around the piano. There's new music out for us, and Kevin sits at the bench looking it over. He's the best player out of us, so he usually plays piano. I don't mind the dancing, but I really, really love this. I've been singing as long as I can remember and no one could ever shut me up, but, man, when we all hit a harmony? It's a buzz, as stupid as that sounds. It's like I finally have the notes I've always heard in my head when I was singing. It's pretty frikkin' cool. You just have to trust me on this one, okay?

What we've been doing these past two weeks is exactly what I've been dying to do for weeks. School doesn't feel like school and I don't have to sit around wasting my time listening to stupid questions. I go at my own pace, do what I need to do and just get it over with, then go on to what I'm meant to be doing. A basketball game to fill in the time sometimes, or just hanging around the piano… It's just, I don't know, it's just right. And it's like all of us understand this is how it's supposed to be, what we're supposed to be doing. Pretty frikkin' cool, just take my word for it.

In the middle of the practice, Lou and my mom walk in with a cameraman and someone else. Lou just waves for us to keep doing what we're doing, so we turn back to each other, and we take it from the top, trying to ignore a camera man walking around the piano.

This must be another schedule change because we weren't told there was an interview scheduled for today. If we were, we wouldn't be in tee shirts and do-rags, or sweaty. We'd have had some kind of make-up, probably too. But, whatever. Lou said to just go ahead, so we do.

Between our warm up and trying to figure out who should sing what part of the song, we've only managed to go through half the song about three times. But, with one look to each other, we know we have to get through the whole thing, show our professionalism and our talent. And, we show off. That's my middle name, isn't it? Show Off?

But we have to do it as if it's how we always do it. We can't make it look like we're trying to hard, or that we planned anything. At least the not planning anything is easy seeing as we haven't had time to. So, Kevin starts, and I look down to the lyric sheet, close my eyes to feel what's being played and start singing.

It's not the best song, and the lyrics are pretty cheesy, but then, when we get to the harmonies, it doesn't matter what we're saying. The meaning isn't in the lyrics on this one, but in the way we blend our voices to make everyone around us feel it. I know we get it right because the hairs on my arm stand up.

Nick's got the lead now, and I glance up to the mirror in front of me, right behind Brian's head, to see the reaction. Lou is beaming, standing tall with his arms folded in pride, and mom is clutching her hands under her chin with a huge smile. But the interviewer is who I'm curious about. What's her reaction? She's blinking at us, a smile, almost surprise, on her face and nodding slowly to the slow beat of the song. We break into a section where each of us take a line, blending perfectly - totally unplanned - and she's impressed. Hell, we're impressed. I needed to watch everyone else to get my queue and as Kevin plays the last note we're the one's that are beaming.

"Oh, that was simply lovely!" the interviewer says excitedly, clapping. She looks back to Lou and mom with a smile and steps over to the piano, extending her hand to each of us. She mentions the name of some TV show; I think a kids morning program. "We were discussing have you on one of the episodes to perform for the audience after you finish your tour with Smash Hits."

November 1995

London is pretty frikkin' cool, y'all! I was expecting this stuffy, stiff upper-lip boring place with everything being gray and dismal. Instead, it's happenin' y'all! The nightlife is alive, the people are loud and friendly. Okay, so some of the fashions are a bit…freaky. But I'm havin' the time of my life. This is just friggin' cool!

Wherever the hell we are now, the music is thumpin', the lights are flashin', the dance floor is packed with bodies gyrating to the beat. It's almost as hip as New York City, to be honest. With New York, if a bad song came on, you can leave, and five minutes later be in another cool night spot. I don't think that's possible here, but we're all so dang drunk, we wouldn't notice if a bad song came on. You couldn't move off this dance floor anyway.

Right now, I don't want to. Here I was, mindin' my own business, bustin' a few moves with the boys and some of the others from the Roadshow… Then, there's some girl grinding up behind me, and her friend grinding up in front of me. I've got two pairs of hands feelin' me up behind and in front. This is just too much fun, y'all! I know the two girls, too, and crack up realizing they're Mel and Shaznay from All Saints. I've been watching their show for two weeks and having breaks and breakfast with them at the hotels. It's been a lot of fun…and now they're havin' fun with me.

We're at the party celebrating the end of the Smash Hits tour and the fellas and I are heading over to start some Germany gigs. We're just out to have fun right now. Forget the schedule and all the work we have ahead of us, and just have fun. We came on lumped in as some other boyband act with another group called Boyzone. They're actually pretty good, but we knew as soon as we saw them perform, we had to do something to stand out. Johnnie made a point of showing off our American flavor and it seems to have worked. Our style is a lot more hyped than Boyzone. We do more than sing and dance in time. We had fly outfits, costume changes, and made sure we sang acapella to show we could. We haven't set the charts on fire, but we won over every dang crowd, and our faces are showing up in the teen mags… It's just a matter of time, they tell me.

All of us are drunk, I think, including Nicky. I think it's the first time I've seen Nicky drunk and he's out here with AJ and Brian goofing around with flailing hands and thrusting hips in an attempt to dance….poorly. He's succeeding too. It's pretty bad, so I think the only thing I can do is go over and make him stop, right? I jump in front, blocking him with my body and spreading my arms out, calling over the music, 'Stop! Stop!' All we do is crack up laughing.

"Now, dawg! I was just perfectin' my moves, dawg!" he whines at me through a giggle. Man, he's drunk. His eyes are watery and blood shot and he's got perma-drunk-grin. He's gonna hurt in the morning. It's gonna get ugly.

"You're single-handedly ruining your reputation, dawg!" I answer him.

Shaznay has followed over to the group and is laughing, covering her mouth with her hand. "What's this 'dog' thing?" she asks in her own lovely accent. "Do you bark too?" On cue, AJ starts barking and baying, leaning up behind Shaz and dry humping her.

"Dude! Dude!" Brian pulls him off as she doubles over in laughter. Hmm…maybe AJ's gettin' lucky tonight? "Behave yourself!"

"Sorry," AJ giggles, giving her his best flirtatious eyelash flutter, "obedience classes never worked with me."

"Oh, I don't know," Shaz giggles, placing her finger under his chin and drawing him closer, "I might have a few tricks to make you behave." AJ bays again and Brian waves his hands at them with a shake of his head and a little playful smile. All I can do is be a good loser and pat AJ's shoulder proudly. She's friggin' hot and she could make me misbehave if she asked. I thought I might have a chance dancing over there before, but…doubt it now.

I head back over to the bar, finding Ronan from Boyzone belly up to the bar and piss drunk, as they say. We spend a while talking about the tour and how things were going. He tells me we're good, for Americans, but might not be much competition since they're so much more popular and charting in the UK. I think I said something like 'time will tell, buddy,' in my thickest Kentuckian accent and left him to continue getting drunk. I think the term is 'wanker', isn't it?

It's time to leave now. I'm drunk enough, and some one needs to get Nicky back to his room. Someone that still knows that way, that is. With Howie on one side, and me on the other, we lead him out and into a waiting cab giggling all the way. Howie's sure it's going to be a rough day for Nicky tomorrow, too. After pouring him into bed, we head to our rooms and that's when I realize how drunk I really am. The second I lay back on my bed, the room starts spinning. That's never a good sign…and I know from experience that if I sleep now, I'm gonna have an evil hang over in the morning.

I sit up, already knowing there is nothing on the television, but not sure what else there is to do. Howie's probably out cold, or soon will be. I think Brian's still at the club and I'm not even going to ponder what AJ's doing, because if I do, I'm gonna be jealous. I admit it. I'm gonna be jealous anyway.

And I'm not gonna think about it. I'm behaving myself. I'm doing great with Kristin. Up until tonight, I haven't even really considered cheating on her. Sure, I've been attracted to some girls, and I've hung out with some, but nothing happened with any of them. I've been good. But being this drunk, and this turned on…if I don't get laid soon, my skin is going to peel off my body as a whole and crawl to the next warm body it finds.

It's only because I'm so damn drunk. I'd just roll over, wank off and go to sleep if I wasn't so damn drunk. But I'm not. And there's nothing on TV. Nothing. At all. It's either shower, or sleep, and I've ruled out sleep already, so shower it is. I can at least get the smell of smoke out of my hair and off my skin.

As I turn off the water, my phone is ringing, so I sprint out with a towel around my waist and land on my back, picking up the receiver in one move. "Hello. Kevin."

"I hope so, that's who I called." Katelyn, one of the dancers in the show giggles on the other end and I look up to the ceiling in thankfulness. "Where were you? I was just about to hang up."

"In the shower," I answer. "Too much smoke and too much beer to fall asleep."

"How come you left the party?"

"We're all pretty drunk, including Nicky," I giggle. I am drunk…I'm giggling. "What're you doing? Party over already?"

"No, just wasn't as exciting once you left," she says.

"Yeah?" I think for a moment, looking down to my body. "What're you wearing, baby?" I ask, even before I could really consider the question. But really, why else would she be calling?

She's quiet a moment, but then she sighs with a light chuckle. "Actually, I'm in a pink camisole top and a pair of panties. What're you wearing?"

"Well, since I just got out of the shower…a towel," I giggle in return. Now what? I started this, she responded…I should keep it going and see where it goes, right? This doesn't count as cheating, does it? This is more along the lines of fantasy, right? No one's actually touching anyone other than themselves. "Wouldn't you be more comfortable if you weren't wearing a pink camisole?"

"I might," she says. "How would you suggest I do that? How would you do that?"

"Well…what does it look like? Can you describe how you look in it?"

"Oh, well…" I don't even have to hear her describe it. I've already created a tent with my towel. I know what she looks like. Long, dark brown hair hanging over her shoulders, her lips parted slightly, her deep brown eyes soft and seductive, as she lies on the bed in something tight and pink for all I care. "…and whoops, one of the spaghetti straps just slipped off my shoulder and my breast is hanging out," she feigns embarrassment.

"It's a beautiful sight," I say, imagining that next. "I think I need to kiss it."

"Oh, really? Just kiss?"


I don't know how long this has been going on. I've been talking about all the things I'd like to do to her, and she's told me how she's reacting with pants, and groans, and sighs. She's moaning again, short pants of breath coming in my ear, "I'm…come…ing." More moans, quicker pants and finally a long, drawn out, contented sigh. "Damn…are you this good in person?"

"Stop by and see."

"Stay in that towel," she says and I hear a click.

Shit…that's going over the boundaries, isn't it? It suddenly went from fantasy to reality, didn't it? And I was just saying I was behaving, didn't I? But if I don't get some kind of satisfaction soon, I'm going to be in serious pain.

I don't have much time to get too confused, Katelyn's one floor down. Before the door clicks closed, she's pulling me to her. I stumble a few steps back, falling against the wall and pulling her against me, our lips locked and our hands grabbing at each other. She takes hold of the towel and leads me to the bed, sitting me down before taking a step back.

"Now…" She pulls her sweatshirt off to reveal a pink camisole with some kind of white lace trim and thin straps over her shoulder. Then she steps out of her sweat pants, wearing nothing. "I think this is where we left off, wasn't it?"

I lean over, hooking a finger on a strap and slide it off her shoulder before doing the same to the other. "This is where we left off."

Dropping to her knees, she crawls back to me, sliding her hands up my inner thighs and pushing my towel aside. I feel hot breath on my skin seconds before I feel her lips part. She's taking my tip into her mouth, running her tongue along my the underside before accepting the rest of me deep down her throat. No teasing, to wasting time, no waiting… Which is a good thing because I wouldn't have lasted with any kind of teasing.

Her hands slide around to press just above my butt, accepting me even more and sending my senses reeling. I can't control anything anymore, letting my body take over. My hips thrust against the moist warmth of her mouth, watching her dark head bob between my legs. That alone is a turn on, the final push my senses needed and I close my eyes, my head falls back without being able to warn her I was coming.

I'm still catching my breath, laying flat on the mattress when she starts kissing her way up my belly to my neck, and ultimately my mouth with her body straddling mine. Her mouth parts, sticking her tongue deep within my mouth before pulling back and sucking on my bottom lip.

"I imagined what you'd look like naked for weeks," she pants into my ear, sucking on my earlobe as she thrusts her hips against me, "and I can't tell you how pleased I am that you're even better than I imagined." She pulls back, rubbing her hands over my shoulders and chest before running her hands up over her own body and pulling off the camisole.

I watch her hair slip over her shoulders, caressing her skin with it's length and reach up to gently touch the exposed curves before me. She shakes her head, her hair slipping down her back, her neck exposed to me, and when she drops her chin, she places her own finger in her mouth and closes her eyes, writhing against me again.

I know I should be thinking about Kristin. That I shouldn't even be here with her. That any of this should be allowed to happen, but, really, how many times does something like this happen? It's my very own soft porn movie being played out just for me, and I'm only human. We've been flirting and teasing each other for two weeks. I've gone to bed at night after a show and envisioned something like happening…how on earth am I expected to say no?

"Touch me," she whispers leaning back over to nibble my ear. "This is our last chance."

She doesn't have to ask me twice. I do touch her, pinching her nipples between my fingers before taking one into my mouth, making her moan deep in her throat. I place my hands on her hips and pull her forward until I'm settled between her legs, able to do all those things I spoke about on the phone. I can feel her arch back, resting a hand on my belly as she writhes above me, letting me suck and nibble on her swollen wetness, sticking my tongue in and out to stimulate her clit. There are gasps and moans as she rocks over me and I don't let her pull away once I hear her gasp loudly, her pussy contracting against my tongue with her orgasm. I suckle her clit again, and moments later, she really cries out, coming again.

When I slip out from beneath her, she immediately takes my new erection in hand and slides it deep inside of her. "I just need…" she's panting, "…oh, God, you feel so good…"

"We need…" I was going to say a condom, but damn, she feels good as I sink inside of her, and watching her move above me, touching her skin, her breasts… I can only thrust deeper and faster, holding onto her hips and pulling her down against me with my thrusts. The harder I pump, the more she seems to like it. Her fingers press into my shoulders, holding on, and she bites her bottom lip, closing her eyes. We don't even attempt to talk until I am paralyzed and bucking against her with my release.

Without speaking, we roll off the bed to pull the blankets down and climb under the sheets. As she lays next to me, our hands are still roaming over each other's flesh, small, quick kisses passing between us until she settles her head on my stomach and sighs contentedly.

"So? Was it as good in person as it was on the phone?" I tease, smoothing a strand of her hair off her shoulder.

"It was much better," she says, placing a kiss on my shoulder. "I'm impressed that you're not actually snoring yet."

I roll onto my side to face her, kissing her warmly. "Now why would I roll over and fall asleep when I can spend time with someone as beautiful as you?"

She kisses me in response and smiles. "How many women have you left in your wake?" she giggles.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Are you this amazing with all your women?"

I laugh now. "All my women? How many do you think there've been?"

"By what I just saw? You had to have learned that with experience."

"Well, there have been a few, but I won't say I left any of them in my wake," I laugh. "Besides, I could say the same for you. You were unbelievable."

"I've been fantasizing about you since I saw you," she admits with a shy giggle. "It was now or never, so I took my chance."

I pull her into my arms and kiss her again. "I'm glad you did."


At some point we fell asleep in each other's arms and when my wake-up call came, she was still sleeping next to me. I don't know what's going on, but I feel like I need to have her at my side until the very last second. In the shower, we please each other again with our hands and mouth and afterwards, I wash her hair, soap up her skin…touching every part of her. She lays naked on the bed as I go about packing up my things. She touches herself, keeping her eyes on me and I kneel on the edge of the bed watching her, coaxing her, guiding her hand with mine placed over hers as she makes herself come.

I don't have time for this, but I can't walk away with her naked and writhing on the bed either. I lower myself between her legs and taste her cum before I guide myself inside of her, this time with protection. She says it's not necessary. She's on the pill, and that's when I find out she's got a boyfriend. I'm somewhat comforted by that, knowing that we're both just a fling before going back to our real lives. It eases a lot of concern and I let myself go just one last time. She's pulling me deeper inside, moaning and grunting with my thrusts. That only helps me come quicker, knowing my filling her is pleasing her too. She's telling me to go faster, harder, grabbing at my ass and lifting her hips up to meet me forcefully.

I can't linger with her this time, though. I have to finish packing, get dressed, and meet the fellas in the lobby. She comes with me, dressed in her sweats, and each time I look over to her, only I know what she's wearing, or not wearing, beneath them. There are a few looks from the fellas when I arrive holding her hand, and right before we get in the van to take us to the airport, I kiss her, long and deep, good-bye.

Once we're on our way, AJ smacks my shoulder, looking back to the hotel through the back windows. "Dude! Katelyn?"

"What?" I ask casually, lifting a shoulder.

"Fuck me, man!" AJ exclaims, looking at me wide-eyed. "Katelyn?"

I'm trying to keep the smug grin off my face, but it's hard. It's obvious he's impressed. "What? Didn't you take Shaz home last night?"

"Hell, no!" he answers. "She was just a fuckin' dick-tease."

"Oh." Good thing I didn't try anything with her then, huh?

"How did…" He points back, shaking his head. "How…?" He plops himself on the seat next to me. "Is she as amazing as I've fantasized?"

"I don't want to know what you fantasized, dude," I laugh, "but she was as amazing as I fantasized."

"Aw, fuck me!" he whines.

"Not my type," I tease, patting him on his head. I look over my shoulder to the seat behind me, seeing Nicky with his forehead plastered against the glass, looking really green. "How ya feelin' there, Little Man?" He only groans in response, rocking his forehead against the glass. "Aw, first hang over dude?" He groans again. I glance over to Brian. "Has he puked his guts up yet?"

"Oh, yeah," he chuckles, patting Nicky's shoulder. "And we're not even close to being done yet, are we, Nicky?" Nicky groans again.

I look forward again and chuckle. "I'm not sitting next to him on the plane."


AJ

He spent the night with Katelyn? Damn straight he's going to sit next to Yacking Carter! Shaz and I groped around for a while, but she laid down the law there would be nothing more as soon as I tried. I think she kind of got off on making me hard and then saying no. I didn't need to be teased. Hell, I got enough of that on stage, all those girls screaming and bouncing up and down. There was a particularly pretty brunette I watched all night who watched my every move and screamed my name each time I did a pelvic thrust. She was asked to go to the party, but she was with a friend and her friend's mother said no.

Then Shaz was there being a cock-tease? Fuck that. Nothing I did could make her change her mind, and I tried, until finally, I smiled politely and just left with the excuse of an early flight. Instead, I went back to my room and watched a porno.

And all that time, Kevin was getting it on with Katelyn? He left with Howie and Nick…how did he hook up with her? I stare at the back of his head in wonder. He's the tender one, isn't he? I heard Ronan giving Brian and Nick the low-down on boy bands. There's the tender one, the cute one, the freaky one, one with the good hair…and…damn, what's the other one? The quiet one? So, Kevin was going to be the tender one? Nicky'd be the cute one, I'm the fuckin' freaky one…. Wait, no. Brian's the tender one, and Kevin's got the good hair? That could be Nicky though too. Howard's the quiet one.

How do they figure that crap out? Like there really is a formula? All it ends up doing is getting me confused trying to figure out which one's we're supposed to be. We're not like that. We weren't 'put together' for looks. We weren't even 'put together.' Trying to tell that to Ronan, though, was impossible. You'd think he thought he was the only boy band out there that wasn't some kind of publicity stunt. Yeah, like Boyzone's the "real thing" and Backstreet's fabricated. We blew them out of the water every time we took the stage. That's what was pissing him off.

I snicker to myself, watching Kevin yawn. Wait till Ronan finds out his little crush spent the night with one of the Backstreet Boys. For that alone I'm gonna have to admire Kevin. Somehow, he manages to get this trail of honies to his door without even trying, and I'll be damned if he won't tell us how!

Then again, I look across to Howie, so does Howie. But somehow, Howie's even more discreet about it than Kevin is. One minute, Howie's standing next to you at a party, and the next minute, he's across the room hooking up, and when you go to find him later on, he's gone. Shows up the next day not even mentioning where he went. When you bring it up, he just smiles and says it's the 'latin lover' in him. Fuck that noise!

Whatever… That's not the reason any of us are here, anyway. We've managed to plant a seed in the UK, and we're off to Germany where, it seems, they've really embraced us. No one is really sure why, but I'm not interested in 'why.' We're golden there. No, really, we actually went gold, and even in these last two weeks, there were a lot of German fans in the audience that came all that way to see us.

I can't even put it into words how that makes me feel. Someone actually traveled distance to see us. Us? I mean, how beyond is cool is that? Once we realized that, and started meeting some of the fans, it was like…we all kind of looked at each other and realized 'this is happening.' Not sure what we thought before, but really seeing the faces, and seeing the expressions on their faces when they talk about hearing us sing…. All the wait was worth it. We all touched people's lives. We didn't break any records doing it, or get headlines on MTV…yet…but we did touch people's lives and that's pretty darn cool when you think about it.


Kevin

I did say I wasn't going to sit next to Nicky on the plane, didn't I? So, why is it that I'm the one with my hand on his back as he's leaning over and puking into the barf bag? Because I'm the one sitting next to him on the plane, of course. Cause that's the kind of guy I am, right?

I think he might be on the verge of alcohol poisoning or something, maybe, cuz he's got one hell of a hangover. Still green, his hands are shaking, and he's breaking out into a sweat. Right before we grabbed the barf bag, he had his forehead against the window because it was cool against his skin. Poor little guy…this, right here, is one of those invaluable lessons you gotta learn, though, isn't it? How many of us haven't felt like this at least once in our lives, mumbling the words 'I'll never drink again' over and over and over before passing out again?

At least the stewardess is nice about it all. For all she knows, Nicky just doesn't like flying, or has the flu or something. Once he finishes, he sinks back down into the chair and moans, looking more pathetic and miserable than I've seen him look…ever.

"Not helping any, is it?" I ask, trying to be sympathetic and not laugh at him.

"What's not?" he grumbles in a pout.

"Gettin' sick."

"Nothing's helping," he says, his head dropping back against the chair as if it's too much effort to hold it upright.

"Drink more water," I advise. "Take more aspirin."

"It won't stay down," he whines, his eyes flooding with tears. "Nothin's stayin' down."

I pat his leg gently, smiling down to him. "It will eventually."

He doesn't say a word for a minute, blinking up at me, as if he's confused. "You're not gonna lecture me?"

"About what?"

"Drinking."

I lift a shoulder and look up to the monitor showing where we're flying over, trying to figure out how much longer we have. "No."

He sort of perks up there a minute. "Really?"

"After you yack into a few more barf bags, I'm not gonna have to lecture you about it now, am I?" I tease. "If I really wanted to lecture you, I'd have ordered breakfast to be delivered to your room earlier." His eyes widen and he suddenly turns another shade of green. "Cuz, you know, when you feel like this, the last thing you want to see is runny eggs, with the yolk all…" I wiggle my fingers and scrunch up my face, "…gooey and oozing like snot. And some strips of bacon with the fat stuck in all the ridges…" He's swallowing as if his mouth's gone dry and I casually reach in front of me for the barf bag in the seat pocket. "Oh, and toast! Can't forget about the toast to dip into the egg ooze…and you know, how there's that clear gooey snot stuff that clings…" I hand him the barf bag as he reaches out for it and pukes again.

Hey, I said I didn't want to sit next to him, but if I have to, I may as well have some fun with it. It's not like he's really sick or anything. And it's not like this sorta thing hasn't been done to anyone else.

The nice stewardess comes by once more with a stiff smile to take the bag and hands him some water and another bag. I take them from her with an apologetic 'thank you' and when I hand it over to Nicky he's glaring at me. "I fuckin' hate you," he grumbles.

"Watch your language," I say casually, looking back up to the monitor.

Chapter 1: 1993

Chapter 2: 1994

Chapter 4: 1996