April

Kevin and Keith were down in the volleyball court with their rakes, tossing sand at one another more than they were actually working at raking the leaves and twigs out. As she and Nicole headed down the main road that circled the volleyball court and pool, they could hear the boys laughing and insulting one another in the afternoon heat.

They'd already been swimming. Kevin's hair was wet and slicked back off his forehead, and the blue of his shorts was darker than normal, above sand-splattered legs. Keith had obviously been tackled due to the amount of sand clinging all along his backside.

"You're goin' down, Richardson," Keith said with a laugh, poising his rake before he sent a stream of sand directly at Kevin.

"Oh, you can do better than that, Guff!" Nicole called.

Jana laughed, making her way down the tire rack steps into the ravine. "Really, he's just a little thing!"

"Jana!" Kevin dropped his rake. "You're back!" He jogged over to her and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her off the step in an embrace. She could feel the grit of the sand and the smoothness of his skin on her arms as she returned the embrace with a laugh. He kissed her with salty lips, skin hot through her tee shirt.

"You're such a boy, Kevin!" she teased, wiping sand off his shoulder and part of his tank top. "Sweaty and dirty."

"And you're already dissin' me!" He didn't release her, dragging her instead toward the pool. Without warning, he leaped into the water, bringing her with him. She came up to the surface and screamed, flinging her hair back out of her face.

"Cold?" Keith asked, standing at the side of the pool and laughing. Kevin had already swum over to the side and was high-fiving Keith with a laugh. She found her footing and answered by splashing the both of them, distracting Keith as Nicole came up behind him and pushed him in.

Kevin dunked under and swam over to Jana, coming up right alongside with a smile. "This is how you welcome me home?" she asked indignantly, splashing him lightly again.

He stood up and leaned in to kiss her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her against him as he dipped back down into the water. "I told you to wear your bathing suit, didn't I?"

She laughed, shaking her head. "It would have been nice if I could have taken off my tee shirt and shorts!"

"I'll say!" He kissed her again with a playful smile. "'Specially if there ain't nothing on underneath." He lifted his eyebrows teasingly and cracked up into laughter as Jana playfully slapped his chest. Keith got out of the pool, chasing Nicole around the side. Minutes later, she was over his shoulder, screaming in protest as Keith jumped in.


Later, Jana sat on the side of the volleyball court as the boys finished raking. The sun was warm against her skin, and she dropped her head back slightly as the breeze dried her hair. Nicole laid out behind her on the grass in her bathing suit and Jana wasn't sure, but she thought Nicole was asleep. Kevin came over to sit next to her, resting the rake beside him. Keith picked up a rake and started up the steps. "I'll meet you back at the shed, Kevin," he said.

"Yeah, I'll be right up." Kevin took Jana's hand and pulled her over to give her a quick kiss. "So? How was it?"

She shrugged. "It's over. Once school is out, I'm switching my afternoon classes to morning."

"So…this means I might see you more?"

"Well, between here and your playing at the restaurant, yeah, I guess."

"You can come by every day and sit right here," he said with a smile. "It's fine by me."

"Have I missed anything in the whole four days I've been away?"

He lifted an eyebrow and scoffed. "In Irvine? Yeah, right. Forget that, tell me about New York!"

"I bought you a tee shirt… saw mostly the hotel and the school, besides going out to dinner." She shrugged. "I didn't do the tourist thing. No time."

"No time? Dang! You were busy! At least you're home. And a tee shirt as a bonus!" He kissed her quickly.

"I'm gonna need a barf bag," Nicole mumbled from behind, rolling onto her side to look at them. "Could y'all be any more sickening?"

"We could," Jana answered and turned to Kevin. "We could start talking baby talk." She did, rubbing her nose against Kevin's.

"Okay, I get your point," Nicole called. "Knock it off."

"Kevin!" Jana looked up to the road and saw Kevin's father at the top of the steps. "I need you a minute. Hi, Jana! Welcome home!"

She waved, blushing with the thought that he might have seen them acting goofy. "Thanks, Mr. Richardson!"

"Be right back."

Jana watched, noticing the muscles in Kevin's legs as he easily sprinted up to the main road and sighed. "How come he looks so damn good with a tan?"

"Because he's unnaturally dark," Nicole answered. "And it brings out his eyes."

Jana looked over her shoulder to see Nicole also following Kevin's progress away from them. "Excuse me?"

Nicole and laughed. "He's fuckin' hot, Jana! What do you want me to say?"

"He is, isn't he?" she giggled.

"Know what a great graduation present would be?" Jana looked back as Nicole rolled onto her stomach and kicked her heels up. "Your virginity."

"Oh, stop!"

"Jana, I'm tellin' ya! You're gonna have to give it up at some point. May as well do it with someone like Kevin! He at least looks like he has a clue about what to do, and he's not bad on the eyes either."

"Things are fine just the way they are, thank you."

"For who? You? I betcha Kevin wouldn't mind gettin' a little more from you."

"Would you shut up?" Jana exaggeratedly widened her eyes. "Voices carry down here, you know."

"Not that much," Nicole dropped to lie flat on her towel. "You're just a prude."

"Shut up! I am not!"

"So you've done the deed?" Nicole perked her head up.

Jana looked around for anyone who might be listening. "No! Now, shut up!"

"Prude," Nicole sighed and rested back down. "You know, Jana, any guy who's fine with not getting laid is getting laid somewhere else."

"I'm not listening to this," Jana sang. "Kevin and I are fine just the way things are."

"You are," Nicole mumbled. "He's not getting anything out of the deal."

"Guys!" Kevin called, waving them up from the road.

"End of conversation," Jana said with finality.

"Is that what you tell Kevin?" Nicole teased, following Jana up the stairs.

"Is what what you tell, Kevin?" Kevin asked, reaching his hand out to take Jana's.

Jana elbowed Nicole and shook her head. "Nothing."

"No…" Nicole started, "that's what he's...never mind..." she giggled in response to Jana's glare. Even Jana didn't understand Nicole sometimes, but Jana had been best friends with her since Junior High and knew she had a good heart. Sometimes, it was just clouded by all her "big talk," trying to be more worldly than she really was. She valued Nicole's opinions, knowing that Nicole did have a lot more experience in this sort of thing, but she also got annoyed that Nicole didn't seem to understand her situation. She just hoped that eventually, Nicole would get distracted by something, or someone, else and leave her alone.


She didn't say anything for the entire ride, and he couldn't figure out if he'd done something to piss her off or if she was pissed off at someone else. No clue what was going on, but he didn't know how to broach the topic, so they drove, listening to the radio, and he waited for her to make the first move. It wasn't until they were out of the car and walking towards the Bend, hearing laughter from the trees that she just stopped and burst into tears - and completely freaked him out.

He put his arms around her, and she clung onto his waist, buried her head into his chest and cried. He felt useless to stop it and didn't know what any of it was about. All he could do was smooth her hair and kiss the top of her head.

"Can we go somewhere else?" she managed to ask after what felt like forever.

He kept her close, walking with his arm around her shoulders. Once they were back in the car, the silence returned, between sniffles. He didn't know where else to take her, so he drove to the high school and they got out, walking together in silence toward the football field. Beneath the bleachers, they sat and she rested her back against him as he wrapped his arms around her again. "Want to tell me what's going on?" he asked gently, praying she wouldn't cry again.

"I didn't get in," she said, her voice so soft and full of pain. "Juilliard…." She shuffled through her purse and pulled out a folded envelope. "Rejected." She burst into tears again, throwing the envelope into the dirt and slamming her heel down onto it. "I'm gonna be stuck in fucking Irvine for the rest of my lousy, stupid life! Getting fat and ugly and working at…at…the high school or something!"

"Oh, darlin', I'm sorry."

"And Mama and Dad are all like…" She hiccupped and took a breath, turning to look at him, "...'There will be other chances.' And like it's no big deal! And I worked so hard on that routine, and I wasn't good enough! If I'm not good enough for Juilliard, I'm never going to get fucking anywhere! I've wasted all this time, and I just suck!"

"Hey," he interjected, smoothing a hand down her cheek, "you have not wasted anything! You said yourself you have a room full of medals and trophies…"

"Fat lot of good that did!" she scoffed.

He kissed her quickly, tasting salty tears on his lips. "They just don't know what they're missin', that's all. You can try out again, can't you?"

"Why would I? So I can be told I suck twice? I don't think so!" She threw her arms around his shoulders this time and just shook, making Kevin feel more helpless. "I just really, really wanted this," she said between sobs. "I feel like everything I've worked on is just for nothing! Nothing! All those hours after school and on weekends, and I suck!"

He knew there was another school she wanted to get into, but it took a minute before he could remember the name. "What about the American School of Ballet? You didn't try out for them yet, did you? You have a chance there, right?"

She shook her head and pulled back, wiping the tears from her cheek before he reached out and took over. "I'm not going to humiliate myself again!" she scoffed. "Are you crazy?"

He blinked at her in total shock. "So, that's it? You're just going to give up? That really is a waste of your time then, Jan. You don't want to do that."

"Yes, I do!" She started bawling again. He hadn't understood the magnitude of what all this meant to her, but he was slowly starting to figure it out. "And they're all saying how proud they are of me for just trying out…for getting this far, and isn't it great, and all that crap…but it's not! I just keep looking at them and can't believe they don't understand how much this hurts. It really just hurts, Kevin. I worked so hard, and I just wasn't good enough and they won't even let me say it. I can't even get the words out before my father tells me I'm not a quitter, and only losers cry when they don't win, and it's all about the challenge and doing your best. But it's not because I didn't win…it's because it just hurts."

He pulled her back against his chest and tried to soothe the pain somehow, thinking that maybe she just needed to get it all out before she could move ahead. He always hated when he was told how he was supposed to feel after fucking up an important kick or tackle. It must be the same kind of feeling, he decided.

"And Nicole's all like…you didn't really think you'd get into Juilliard, did you? Like it was just some kind of stupid joke or something. She just totally doesn't get it, either! And I can't figure out how she didn't know how much this meant to me! It's not a joke!"

"I know, darlin'." He did, too. She had been practicing so hard…since before they'd started dating, and she was always telling him about how she'd nailed a certain step or finished choreographing a sequence with her teacher. He'd never seen her dance, but he had seen her moves with the cheer squad and couldn't believe she wasn't any good. "But maybe…"

"Don't try to fix it, Kevin!" she interrupted, pulling away from him. "I just want to be upset about it!"

"Okay…" He surrendered, taking her hand and hoping it would help. He knew he wasn't any good with crying girls. He never knew what to do for them.


"You're late, for a change," Jana teased, leaning up and kissing Kevin quickly.

He laughed just as Jimmy handed him a beer. "I guess I am." He shrugged a bit and took a long drink as he looked at the people around the covered pool. He'd been hanging out with Mickey and Jimmy and lost track of time. Awhile later, holding hands, he and Jana made their way through the crowd inside. Jana stopped a few times to talk to some friends, never warning him, just stopping and holding his hand so that he was jerked to a stop.

"Would you lookit that," Mickey said, poking Kevin, "she's finally done it."

"Done what?"

"Became a ball and chain, man! It looks like you keep dropping the ball and stumbling over it. Doncha think it's time to cut yourself loose?"

"Shutup, Mickey."

Mickey rolled his eyes and glanced at Jimmy. "I'm just sayin'…"

"Sayin' what?" Kevin asked, taking a step closer. Mickey was huge; if this escalated, Kevin knew he'd be crushed, but he'd had enough of Mickey whining about him dating Jana and he'd been fine all night.

"Dude…" Mickey said, looking over at Jana, "she's dead weight. What the hell are you doing? It's your senior year, and you're not even gettin' any. What happened to getting drunk and getting laid and no hassles? Why the hell are you wasting your time?"

Kevin stared at him in complete shock. He knew Mickey didn't like Jana, but really…. "Know what, Mike? I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that and not even try to figure out what the hell your problem is tonight." He tugged Jana's hand enough to get her attention and motioned that he wanted to move on.

She turned and kissed him quickly, releasing his hand, and turned back to her conversation, laughing at something just said. "Now's your chance, man," Mickey said, watching her. "Take it."

Kevin turned and laid both hands onto Mickey's chest, managing to push him back slightly. "What the fuck is your problem?" he asked angrily as everyone in the room turned to watch.

Jimmy immediately stepped in between them, a hand on either of their chests to keep them a safe distance apart. "Okay…I think we've had about enough of that!" he attempted to joke, leaning a bit more on Kevin than Mickey.

"No!" Kevin said firmly, keeping his eyes on Mickey. "I want to know what the fuck his problem is!"

"Kevin?" Jana came up behind him. "Let's go outside," she suggested as people started stepping back. "Come on…"

"Yeah, good idea," Jimmy agreed, turning to face Kevin and stepping closer to talk more privately. "Get some fresh air, man."

"Kev?" Jana asked, slipping her hand into his.

"Fuck it," Kevin mumbled with another glare to Mickey before turning away.

"Whipped!" Mickey called after him.

Kevin attempted to stop and turn, but Jana just held tightly to Kevin's hand and pulled. "He's not worth it," she told him once they were outside, but he pulled his hand away furiously.

"What're you trying to do to me?" he snapped at her. She left him behind and kept walking across the crowded patio, then along the side of the pool to a darker corner with her arms folded across her stomach. He followed her into the shadows, not really knowing why, unable to believe she'd embarrassed him like that in front of everyone. "What the hell, Jana?"

She turned, facing him, and exhaled deeply. "Just like I said, he's not worth it, Dipshit. He'd kill you."

"You didn't hear what he was saying!"

"Who the fuck cares what Mickey says? It's Mickey! Hello! He can't figure his way off the football field without a marching band! Why the hell do you care?"

"I am so fucking sick of this!" he yelled, storming around the cabana into the darkness. He knew they were making a scene, and that they would be the talk of the school on Monday, but it didn't matter. "I'm sick of being the middle man between you two! I know you don't like him; I know he doesn't like you, but y'all have to just fucking deal already! I'm not choosing!"

"I'm not asking you to!" she bit back.

"Well, I've had enough of the comments!"

"Tell that to him! He's not even a blip on my radar!"

"See?" He lifted a hand. "That's what I'm talking about! Quit dissin' on him!"

Jimmy cleared his throat, making them turn towards him. "Uh, Mickey wants to leave."

"Gimme a minute," Kevin said gruffly.

"Mickey's been drinking all night," Jana said. "He's not driving, is he?"

"I have the keys," Jimmy said, jiggling them. "I'm sober."

She glanced at Kevin, shook her head at Jimmy, and headed back around the cabana, running into Mickey. He grumbled an insult at her; she grumbled back and went directly to find Nicole before bursting into tears.


A little more than an hour later, Kevin stepped up behind her, having been convinced by Jimmy to come back and work things out. "Hey," he said cautiously, giving her a strange look and a smile. "Having a good time?" She looked up over her shoulder at him, looked him up and down, and turned back to Nicole.

"What? Did Mickey kick you out?" Nicole asked snidely.

"Can I talk to you?" Kevin asked, putting his hand on Jana's waist and ignoring Nicole.

Jana stood, finally letting let Kevin lead her away from the remaining partygoers. They headed back toward the cabana again, but there was a definite indifference in Jana and it was unnerving. "So?" she asked, dropping to sit in the grass.

"What's all this?" Kevin asked, crouching down in front of her.

She shrugged again, tilting her head as she leaned back against the cabana. " Does it make a difference? Oh, wait, no, you want me to put out. Sorry. I forgot I was ruining your senior year and your grand plans with Mickey."

"Knock it off," he groused, sitting down. "That was Mickey, not me."

"That's right, I just made you choose because I wasn't playing nice."

"What the hell, Jana? I don't understand."

"Think about it. Doing what I think is right, and trying for the things I want isn't getting me anywhere." She dropped her head back against the wall. "Not only can't I dance, and my grades are falling because I'm doing too much, but I'm ruining my boyfriend's senior year now too." She sighed. "What the hell am I doing? You want to get laid? Let's go. May as well."

"Yeah, and that's exactly how I want it to happen, too," he told her sarcastically. She scooted forward, closer to him and leaned in to kiss him, continuing until he finally responded. He kissed her a long while but pulled back eventually and shook his head. "I'm not going to lie and say this ain't a turn on, but it's not going to happen like this, Jana. You'll regret it, I'll regret it, and it's just not worth all that."

He couldn't see, but he could hear sniffling and knew she'd reached the end of her patience. Reaching out, he placed his hand on the back of her head and pulled her to rest against his shoulder, just to hold her. "You've had a crappy week, haven't you, darlin'?" She nodded against him and sighed heavily. "That's what this is all about, isn't it?"

She sighed again. "I just feel like I'm totally losing control over everything."

"I don't know what Mickey's problem is, but it's his problem. And I don't have a problem with how my senior year is going. It's been better than I thought it would be thanks to you."

"You lie," she mumbled.

"Stop. I do not." He pulled away and looked down to her, brushing his thumb across her cheek before kissing her gently.

"Why don't you just lie and tell them we're sleeping together?" she questioned.

"Because it's no one's business. And my parents didn't raise me that way. Know what I think?" She shook her head slowly. "I think you need to stop doing everything for everyone else and do something for you. Even if it's just one day." He knocked his forehead against hers gently.

"Know what I wish?" she asked quietly.

"No, what?"

"I wish we could both graduate and just get the hell out of here together."

"Someday, Darlin', someday."

May

"Why can't I come watch?" Kevin asked with his arms around her waist.

"Because," she answered, turning her head to the side with a shrug, "you'd make me nervous."

Kevin laughed and wrapped his arms a little tighter. "Oh, come on! Why would I make you nervous?"

"You just would," she answered, breaking away from him and sitting on the couch. She picked up the remote and turned her attention to the TV, trying to ignore the shocked look on his face. It wasn't necessarily that she'd be nervous, but she knew that if he was there, he'd be bored to death waiting around when the program ran late. And when she was supposed to concentrate on her steps, she'd know those green eyes of his would be watching her every move and it would all be shot. There was just no way he could go to her competition. No.

He stayed standing and just looked at her, still with surprise on his face. "Jana? You're serious?"

"Yes," she said, flipping through some channels. "I don't want you there. It's too much pressure."

He went and sat next to her on the couch, turning his attention to the TV briefly, but turned and looked at her. "You're serious?"

"Kevin!" she admonished. "Yes, I'm serious. You'd distract me."

"I'll stay in the back," he offered. "You won't even see me."

"I'd know you were there," she answered, focusing again on changing the channels. "Just don't."

He shifted to face her and rested his arm across the back of the couch. "You can dance for complete strangers, judges even, but you can't let me see you? That's…"

"You'd be bored stiff, Kevin," she argued. "It always runs late, and it takes forever for the judges to post their marks, and I'd be busy running around practicing or helping the littler ones… It wouldn't be any fun. Just trust me, would you?"

"I could sneak in, you know."

She turned to look at him, panic rising in her chest. "Don't. Don't you dare…." She dropped her shoulders and sighed heavily, biting her lips together. "Promise me, Kevin. Promise me you won't crash it. I can't spend the whole day in panic that I could look up and see you there. You'd totally freak me out…you're freaking me out now. Promise me you won't come."

He laughed, but she could tell it wasn't from amusement. It was definitely more from shock, but he reached out and smoothed a hand down her arm. Just the way his fingertips felt on her skin made her shiver. Lately, every time he touched her, she felt shivers. Every day she felt closer to him, losing inhibitions, wanting to touch him, kiss him more intimately. Nicole would tell her she should just get it over with and sleep with him, but just the thought of that petrified her. Too close, especially when she didn't know what he'd be doing in a few months, and if he went away…? And she'd… No, she couldn't do that either, no matter how much her body wanted her to do otherwise.

"Don't freak out." He watched her with a smile and smoothed his hand down her arm again. "I promise…I won't come. Sucks, but I won't come." He shook his head and sat back slightly. "Dang, girl! I had no idea it was such a big deal."

"Well, it is," she said, trying to concentrate on the TV again, acting casual but feeling anything but. She couldn't figure out what it was about him that made her want to say 'fuck it' to everything when he was around and just be his shadow, never do anything without him. Somehow, she just knew he'd take care of her and nothing bad would ever happen if he were around. She had to force herself not to fall into that temptation, too.

Instead, she tried to get everything she could out of the time they spent together. She wanted no distractions, no one else around, nothing else to do but talk to him, kiss him, hug him. She felt as if he was the only one that really knew when to trust what she said, push her when she wanted nothing more to do than quit, and totally believed in the future she was planning. He made her feel as if she could do whatever she wanted. Now that she was thinking about it, it made no sense to her, either, why his presence would freak her out so much if he could do all that for her just by being in the same room.

"I can't explain it, Kevin," she said guiltily. "I'm sorry. I just…"

"It's okay," he assured her with a smile. "I don't want to distract you from something that important to you…even if I don't really know how I could," he added playfully with a wink. "But it's cool. You'll have to tell me about it though."

"Don't I always?"

"Will I ever see you dance? I mean, you have all these awards and trophies and stuff, and I've never really seen you dance outside of the school gym. How do I know you're not lyin' to me and those things really belong to Stacy?"

"Because my name's on them, not hers," she quipped with a laugh.

"What if I go to one of your rehearsals? I could drive you…" She shook her head. "Why not? There's no pressure there."

"I just… I don't know, Kev," she sighed. "It's just… I can't. Not now, anyway."

He shook his head, but smiled at her. "Some days I really just don't understand anything about you," he told her, leaning over to kiss her quickly. If they had gone to the Bend, or to the Domain, she was sure there would be more of that, but when they were at her house, he never really kissed her. Instead of letting him pull back though, this time, she leaned forward with his retreat and kept kissing him. It was one tactic she often used in order to not keep trying to explain herself. When she did pull away, he shook his head again. "Like I said, some days, I really just don't understand anything about you."

She giggled, moving closer towards him. "You say that as if it's a bad thing," she teased, leaning in for another kiss. He did kiss her, quickly, but pulled away. "What?" she asked.

He looked over her shoulder and back to her. "Uh, I really don't want one, or both, of your parents to skin me alive if they walk in on us doing anything but holdin' hands," he said with a slow nod.

"You're allowed to kiss me, Kevin. We've been going out for months now."

"Not in your living room." He slid a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled. "And I still don't think your dad likes me very much."

"You're dating me," she explained, settling back slightly. "He's never going to like anyone I date. Only after one thing, you know. He was a teenage boy once too, you know," she mimicked, furrowing her eyebrow and dropping her chin. "He knows what kind of thoughts teenage boys have." She nodded assuredly. "What kind of thoughts do teenage boys have, Kevin?" she teased.

"Depends on the teenager, I guess," he answered with a shrug. "Me? I have nothing but the honorable thoughts." She laughed and shook her head. He lifted an eyebrow at her in mockery. "You don't believe me? Some girlfriend!"

She leaned over, looking over her shoulder quickly first. "That's only because I know what kind of thoughts a teenage girl has, and sometimes? They're not all that honorable."

"Oh, really?" he asked curiously. "And why kind of not-so-honorable thoughts do teenage girls have? I thought they were always sweet and innocent and pure."

She laughed again and dropped back. "I'm friends with Nicole, Kevin. There's nothing sweet, innocent or pure about her, remember? I'm the one that balances her out."


Don't I know it, he wanted to say, but decided to keep that teenage boy thought to himself. "And maybe that's why I find you so dang cute," he said instead, taking hold of her hand and telling himself to be satisfied with doing that for the time being. There was no way he'd let himself get into some kind of hot and heavy make-out session here. Her dad didn't like him, and he didn't want to give him any actual reasons for doing so. Her mother liked him, though. Then again, most mothers usually did for some reason.

"You're the first," she said, turning the channel to MTV.

"No, I'm not," he protested. "What? You think guys are all over Nicole? She's not all that, you know." Jana scoffed and passed him a disbelieving glance. "Hey, now! Not all of us are out to have sex with just anybody, you know. There are a few decent guys out there."

She looked at him. "I know, but the general consensus is that most guys want what Nicole gives out and I'm considered…"

"What?" he interrupted curiously. "What are you considered? According to who?"

"Some people…" she started, and he watched her cheeks fill with color, "…some people might consider me a tease or something."

"Some people don't know what they're talkin' about." A tease? She wasn't a tease. She was unsure and nervous, but not a tease. She never promised anything and backed out. They just kept getting carried away, and maybe things went a bit too fast sometimes. Frustrating, yeah, but not a tease. "I happen to think you're pretty damn cool."

"That's because you can't figure me out," she teased and stuck her tongue out at him. "And I've overheard Mickey. He doesn't think I'm so cool. I'm supposed to be cramping your style, remember? I have a feeling if I was a little more Nicole-like, he wouldn't be saying that."

"He'd be saying you were Nicole-like," Kevin said firmly. "Jana, I don't know what to say about Mickey. He has no reason not to like you and truthfully, I really don't care if he does or not. He's one of those people who don't know what they're talking about, what can I say?"

She looked at him before giggling. "We have weird best friends?"

"He ain't my best friend," Kevin said quickly. "He's just…one of the guys."

"Okay." She shrugged. They watched some videos for a while before she asked, "Who is your best friend then?"

"Jimmy and Keith," he answered. "You didn't know that?"

She shook her head. "Hard to tell, I guess. You always just seem to be hangin' out with everyone."

"Well, it's not like we have heart-to-heart talks over what we're wearing every day."

"You're not? What do guys talk about then?" she laughed.

"We don't talk about anything," he answered with a nod. "That's what makes us guys. Why? What do you talk about with Nicole?"

"What we're wearing," she answered with a sly smile. "And what everyone else is wearing, and what happened on the way to class, and in class, and after school, and TV, and who's dating who, and who broke up with who, and who has the best butt, or dorky hair or anything else of importance."

"No, really," he asked curiously, "what do you talk about with Nicole?"

"You," she answered, "and whichever guy she thinks is cute this week."

"Me?"

"Duh!"

"What about me?"

"I'd rather not say," she turned her focus back to MTV as a Def Leppard video came on.

He poked her with their hands trying to get her attention. "Why not?" What the heck would they be talking about? What was she telling Nicole?

"It's private," she answered. "Girl talk."

"And that means…"

"You have a nice butt," she giggled, "and a dorky haircut."


'And a great voice, and I should be sleeping with you,' she finished in her head, continuing to smile at his confused expression. 'Or what I should be doing because I'm not sleeping with you.' If she let herself believe what Nicole kept saying, she wondered why Kevin was still seeing her. As Nicole said, he really wasn't getting much out of the deal and she was too chicken to do anything more.

"I don't have a dorky haircut!" he protested, flattening his palm on top of his head.

She giggled and leaned over to kiss him quickly. "I know, I just like to tease you about it because you'd freak if anyone thought that."

"I would not!"

"Kevin, please! You primp almost as much as I do!"

"I do not!"

"Kevin, you have a brush in the glove compartment of your car!"

"That's because we mess it up while we're in there," he answered, lowering his voice.

"It was in there before we were dating," she told him knowingly. "Michelle told me about it being there long before that."

"Michelle? When did…"

"I got some information about you before you started driving me home," she confessed.

"What kind of information?"

"Girl talk," she answered with a lift of her shoulder, watching his expression change back into baffled confusion. "Oh, Kevin," she sighed, "you just don't know how girls operate."

"I'm starting to think I don't want to know," he answered slowly.

She patted his knee with her free hand and offered a sweet smile. "You don't. That's why you're a guy."


June

"Who the heck are all these people?" Nicole asked getting out of the car.

Jana looked around the grounds, recognizing a few faces from Christmas. "His family, mostly."

She watched Nicole's eyes bug out. "Dang, Jana! You're going to spend the rest of your life having babies by the looks of this clan!" Jana tugged Nicole's hand and widened her eyes at her in an effort to shut her up. "What?" Nicole whined, letting herself get tugged along the gravel.

"Just shut up and pretend you can think of something other than my sex life," Jana murmured.

Nicole giggled, looking over her shoulder at one of Kevin's cousins. "He's cute," she commented. "Do we know him?"

"That's Brian, his cousin. He goes to Tate and don't you dare," she informed him.

"Dare what?"

"Stick to stalking the guys in our own county, okay?"

"You're no fun," Nicole laughed, catching Brian's eye and winking at him with a smile. "He's cute."

Jana stopped and forced Nicole to look at her. "No, Nicole. Think about it, he's related to Kevin. Look around, what was that you were just saying about me spending the rest of my life having babies?"

"Mmm," Nicole nodded, "you got a point there. But I can flirt, right?"

"No."

"Jana?"

Jana turned around and found herself embraced. "Hi, Mrs. Richardson. Congratulations…he made it, huh?" she laughed. "You remember my friend, Nicole?"

"I do," Anne nodded, smiling hello to Nicole. "Kevin's already disappeared down by the pool if you're looking for him."

"Thank you." Jana grabbed Nicole's wrist and headed away towards the makeshaft steps leading down to the pit by the pool and volleyball court. The volleyball game was already in progress, and as they came down the stairs, she watched Kevin and Keith both dive for the ball, landing in the sand with a yelp and missing the point. Kevin rolled over, his bare chest covered with sand and soon, Tim and Jerry dragged him across the grass to dump him in the pool.

Jana stopped dead, attempting to ignore Nicole's snickering, but there was no way she could move. She watched Kevin pull himself out of the pool, his hair slicked back, water dripping off his taut shoulder and arm muscles in a wet pair of jeans. He was tanned, and laughing and the sun made his skin shimmer. He was just beautiful, and he was her boyfriend.

"Dang," Nicole whispered behind her. "Now that's hot. If you're not gonna do him, can I?" She nudged Jana, pushing her further down the steps. "It's a total waste of hotness, Jana…really."

"Fuck off, and hands off," Jana chuckled, turning around in time to smile at Kevin as he jogged over to her. He kissed her quickly, still laughing before running off to tackle one of the guys and getting dunked into the pool again.

Before she knew what happened, Jana was squealing, lifted over someone's shoulder and dropped into the cold water. Underwater, Kevin came up next to her and kissed her, his hands slid around her waist as they floated up, greeted with splashing. "Aw, Geez!" Tim groaned. "His girl showed up, fellas. He'll be lip-locked for hours now!" With that, Kevin was dunked, and she was pulled under again.

Just a few hours ago, she'd watched Kevin cross the football field in his cap and gown, raising his diploma over his head triumphantly to cheers and applause. He'd looked good in his dark blue Sunday best suit, posing patiently for pictures with his family, his arms draped around his brothers' shoulders. There was no denying the love between them, and even now, there was no denying it. The teasing, the playfulness… This was just a close family all around, and it spread throughout everyone around them.

Later, once she dried off, she paused to tie her sneaker on her way into the kitchen and stopped completely. Anne and Kevin's Aunt, Jackie, were in the kitchen. Coming in from the back, Jana could hear the conversation clearly.

"Hard to believe, isn't it?" Anne asked. "Some days, I never thought we'd get to this day with him."

"He really doesn't have anything planned?" Jackie questioned.

"Not a thing," Anne sighed. "In spite of all our efforts to get him to commit to something. He just insists he wants to wait and not let us waste money on something he's not committed to. Part of me thinks he's staying for his girlfriend."

"She seems like a sweet girl."

"Oh, she is! Don't get me wrong, but they're both so young still. I'd hate to see them just…settle and not explore their lives a little more. Both of them are very talented. Who knows what they could find out there? I just want Kevin to realize that and give it a chance, but he keeps saying he wants to stick around here for awhile and just get a job until he knows what he wants to do."

"Jerald's okay with that?" Jackie asked, sounding surprised.

Anne laughed. "Oh, you know Kevin. He can charm the birds out of the trees when he wants to." She laughed again. "Hell, part of me thinks that's the only way he passed English sometimes. Kevin just kept to his point and made perfect sense about not wasting money, or going head first into something he didn't have his heart in, and he was sure if he was given some time to explore some of his options, he'd make a better decision in the long run. Jerald could hardly argue about that when Kevin pointed out that that's exactly what Jerald did." Jana heard Jackie snicker playfully. "Oh, I know, he's his father's son, isn't he? Jerald doesn't even know what he approves of until after he's agreed to something and the boys are out the door. Then he looks at me and is just absolutely perplexed by what just took place."

"Oh, Jerald would give up his world for those boys," Jackie commented.

"Oh, I know he would. He even went so far as to tell Kevin he should go down to Florida and stay with Jerry for a few months just to get him to look outside of the box."

"And Kevin said no?"

Jana didn't hear anything for a paused second. "Can you believe it? He said no, which is what makes me think he's staying for his girlfriend. What eighteen-year-old boy wouldn't want to go live in Florida for a summer?"

"Kevin," Jackie answered knowingly. "Anne, really, Kevin loves this place just as much as Jerald does. He couldn't be happier walking along those trails. Jerald's passed his love of nature on to him. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he just stays here with y'all and helps to take care of the Domain."

"I'd believe you if he didn't have that passion for his music," Anne countered. "He's driving all that way every night to play in that little band of his. That's the other reason Jerald thought Kevin'd like to go to Florida. He could get a job down at Disney, according to Jerry, get in one of the stage shows there, you know?"

"Well," Jackie sighed, "it's Kevin, isn't it? He'll land on his feet like all your boys do."

Anne laughed. "I guess we're just a little focused on him since he's the last one, and there's no one else around to focus on! It's different when it's your youngest, isn't it?"

"Knock, knock," Jana said, moving to stand in the doorway. "I've been sent up to get more soda and request the meat for the barbeque."

Anne and Jackie laughed. "They can make such a production out of things," Anne said, motioning to the platter as she toweled her hands off. "Are y'all having fun out there? I saw they dumped you in the pool."

"Oh, I'll make sure I get him back later." Jana smiled, feeling her cheeks burn. "I think if I ask Tim nicely enough, he'll drop him in the deep end on my behalf."

Somehow she continued a light conversation with them as her thoughts spun around. Was he staying for her? He never mentioned he was, although they'd had conversations about going to New York together. She couldn't keep her heart from fluttering with the thought that all their plans would work out after all. Kevin wouldn't join the service, and she'd get into a dance school, and they could get a little apartment together.

"Earth to Jana!" Nicole waved a hand in front of Jana's face and leaned in. "You in there?"

"Sorry…" Jana shook her head, but she couldn't hold back the smile on her face. "Daydreaming."

"Where's the bathroom?" Nicole looked around at the field next to the main cabin and over her shoulder, back towards the Dining Hall. "Or, should I say, which bathroom should I use?"

"There's a better chance of no line if you go to the dining hall." She walked to the Dining Hall with Nicole, but before they entered, Kevin peered around the corner and waved her over. "It's right inside there," she motioned to Nicole and headed over to Kevin. "What're you hiding from?"

"Cousins, an' brothers, an' aunts, an' uncles, an' grand parents, an'…you get the picture," he answered with a slight grin, taking her hand and leading her around to the back of the Dining Hall. "Just wanted a minute alone with you, that's all. Don't feel like I saw you the whole day." He leaned against the wall and pulled her closer to him with a long kiss. "An' if I do that with everyone around…well, they'd all start cooin' and say how cute we are."

"How much have you been drinking?" she giggled.

He nodded knowingly and kissed her quickly. "Enough, but even still… I know my family. And it's real sweet of you to be socializing with them like you are. They like you."

"They're very likable," she answered. "I like talking to them. I get to hear little Kevin stories that way, too. You were a handful growing up, weren't you?"

He shook his head. "Don't let them fool you. I was a complete angel. They must get me confused with Jerry and Tim, that's all."

"Angel, my ass," she teased.

He leaned up onto his toes to look over her shoulder. "Kinda like your ass, come to think of it," he said before kissing her again. "You gonna stick around tonight? The place will be swarming with campers after tomorrow; tonight's kind of the last blow out until September."

"I can stay until midnight."

"Is that all? If they're worried about you and me…well, if they're thinking that we'd… I mean, there's plenty of cabins, and my ma and dad would make dang sure we weren't in one of them together, if that's what they're worried about."

"Well, I'm sure that's part of it," she said, dropping her chin as she felt her face blush.

"I'll have Mama call your parents, if you want. There's plenty of room."

"I doubt that's gonna matter."

"We can give it a try, can't we? What's the harm in asking?"

"Why don't we say that I drank too much and can't drive you home?" Nicole asked, coming around the corner.

"I wouldn't be allowed to go out at all for the rest of the summer with you," Jana answered, turning to look at her and rest her head on Kevin's chest as she wrapped her arms around his waist. Even through his tee shirt she could feel the warmth of his skin in the afternoon heat.

Nicole shook her head and rolled her eyes. "The two of you all cuddled up," she sighed. "It's 104 degrees, and you're all over each other."

"We are not!" she protested, pulling away, but Kevin brought her back against him again with a satisfied smile.

"Whatever," Nicole turned away rolling her eyes again. "Either way, I'm just trying to give you an excuse to stay. What about I take you home, and you say you want to spend the night with me? We can come back. They'll let you stay the night with me, won't they?"

"They'll figure out I was coming back before I finish asking," Jana answered.

"Oh, you're just not trying hard enough," Nicole admonished. "Do you have to be 'Daddy's Good Girl' all the time? What's gonna happen if you get in trouble once? Besides, even if you two were havin' sex, you'd figure out a way to have it before midnight. You can't tell me he hasn't figured that out...or that you haven't done it yet."

"I don't discuss it with them actually," Jana snapped quickly, feeling herself blush again, and she pulled away from Kevin.

"We'll figure something out, Nicole," Kevin said with a casual nod. "Thanks."

"I'm just saying…"

"Thanks," Kevin said again, nodding still and adding a smile. "We'll be right along…if you could just give us a minute?" Jana couldn't look up at either of them, instead, she kept looking out over the mountain range spread out before her, biting her lips together and wishing she could disappear right about now. She felt Kevin's hands on her shoulders as he stepped up behind her and he kissed her neck gently. "Don't worry about it," he said softly, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Sometimes, I just wish she'd keep her mouth shut," Jana mumbled, feeling stupid as tears filled her eyes. "It's not that I don't want to stay, I just…I know my parents, that's all. They're not stupid."

"Forget I said anything," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to start anything."

"They'd figure out whatever I tell them," she continued. "And then I wouldn't be allowed to see you at all."

"Jana, really, it's okay. We have most of the night, and I'll just come and pick you up for breakfast," he told her. "No big deal."

She wiped the escaped tear from her cheek and turned around to face him, leaning on the railing with a sigh. "I'm scared of what I'd want to do if I stayed," she whispered, looking up into the tender green eyes looking back at her. "Allowed to be in the same cabin or not. I'm getting to that point where I'm scared to be alone with you because it's becoming an issue, isn't it, Kevin?"

He shook his head with a slow smile and kissed her. "Not to me."

"You're lying."

"You'll know when you're ready," he said, lifting his shoulder easily. "Until then?" He leaned over and kissed her warmly. "This is pretty nice."