Danni~
I’ve been checking up on everyone these last few days, appearing long
enough to let him know I’m here, but not letting him talk to me. It’s probably best that I back off and let
him get used to me not being here. But
when he can’t see me, he starts to ignore everyone else around him trying to
find me, without telling anyone what he’s doing. That just confuses everyone else and makes
them more concerned. I can see it on
their faces. They watch him, look at
each other, and try to engage him into conversation.
None of this is good, for either of us.
I don’t know what it is I’m supposed to be doing. I never thought I’d be a ghost, doomed to
haunt life. I know I’m not alive. I haven’t been tired or hungry for days. I haven’t had to go to the bathroom, I don’t
smell, my hair isn’t dirty or anything.
I know I’m not alive, so
that whole ‘go to the light’ theory is crap.
The theory of not knowing they’re dead is pretty much blown out,
too. So, what’s going on? What is this?
And poor Kevin…if I had a heart, it’d go out to him. He is simply despondent, and trying so hard
to keep going. He’s not eating, barely
sleeping. I don’t think I’ve seen an
honest smile cross his face with anyone.
Polite, sad, weak, fake… He’s
empty and alone, and I don’t know how to help.
All I can do is be with him, sit with him, and I don’t know if that’s
hindering or helping at this point.
Right now, he’s sleeping…tossing, turning, and mumbling. I reach out and brush my fingers along his
cheek, attempting to comfort those nightmares and haunting in his head. He groans lightly and settles for a little
bit, turning towards my touch. Does he
know it’s me? Is my touch warm in his
dreams?
Kevin~
The
movie sucks, but you’d never know it by looking at us. We’re giddy, slightly tipsy, and have a case
of the giggles. What makes me realize
that the movie really is as truly bad as we think it is is that no one shushes
us up. And I relish being in the
darkened theatre with her, my arm around her shoulders or holding her hand. People are talking, and I may still be seeing
the flash bulb lights in my eyes, more so than usual. But I’m pretty sure it has to do with the
cute flowery dress Danni’s wearing.
There’s that sexuality clinging to her, like her aura. She’s just charged with it, energizing the
air around her. No one misses it.
After
the movie, we go through the media swamp and answer all sorts of
questions. I’m asked about the album,
the upcoming tour, who I’m with, how the movie was… She doesn’t let go of my hand once and any
sound-bite they have, we’re going to be in it together.
There’s
dinner, some more drinking, going out to a club, sobering up, and now we’re
here, back in her little bungalow in the hills, sitting outside on the back
patio with wine, breathing in the cooler air before it turns dusk, tired, but I
get the feeling that neither of us want this night to end. She’s got her feet in my lap, and I’ve just
got my hands resting on her ankles, feeling the smooth skin beneath my palms
and fingertips.
“So…”
“So…” I look over to her, and she’s tilting her
head to the side, watching me with a slight smile. “Now what?
Know anywhere good for breakfast?”
“I
might,” she answered. “But I don’t have
the energy to move.” I put my glass down
on the wood planks of the deck, and begin massaging her feet, and her head
drops back, her arms slide off her belly and she moans.
Yeah,
I was looking for some kind of pleasing reaction, but even I’m too tired to
filter my brain from that sound, and my body’s been teased all night with me
behaving myself and isn’t listening to my stern ‘knock it off’ anymore. I can only shift a little in the lounge
chair, hoping to hide my reaction and wait this one out.
“You’re
lethal,” she says, lifting her head up to look at me, a slight smile returning
to her face. I can only return a fairly
smug smile in return and keep working my fingers along her skin, around her
feet and ankles, and up to her calves. I
don’t even know what the hell I’m doing, or how I’m doing it.
She
figures it out, though. Her hands lay on
mine and her legs drop down, one fluid movement, and then we lean together to
kiss, long, deep, and heated. Without a
word, without awkwardness, it just happens and I know what it means to be
alive.
It’s dark when I wake up, my body still feeling hers from the dream and
all I do is moan in the agony of the desire and lack of release. “Were
you dreaming of me, Baby?” she asks. I roll
over into the pillow and scream. She’s always fucking awake! Wide awake!
“I’m sorry…” she mumbles
apologetically.
“Yes!” I yell into the pillow
before rolling over. “Yes, I was
dreaming of you…our first night together.”
“Tell me
about it?” She’s whispering in my ear and I close my
eyes, missing the feel of her breath against my skin when she used to do
that.
“You were there,” I groan.
Tired…so fucking tired.
“I know…but I want
to hear what you felt,” she whispers. “Tell me what you were thinking.”
“Nothing,” I answer breathlessly.
“That’s not
true. You were feeling me. What did it feel like?”
“Soft,” I mumble, hearing my voice crack. Her skin was so soft, “warm.”
“Keep talking…”
“Danni…”
“Tell me,
Kev,” she
pursues. “I want to know what you were thinking. I remember that night so well and man, I was so
relieved when we finally got there. I
thought for sure that as soon as you touched me I’d come.”
“You were so ready, I remember.
As soon as I touched you.”
“What? What about that?”
“You were already so wet…when I slipped my fingers between your legs
and you moaned so quietly.”
“It felt so
good. I’d been thinking of you doing
that that entire night. And knew, as
soon as I kissed you, that I couldn’t let you leave without having sex.”
“So you’re telling me I was set up?” I ask, turning my head to
her. She’s lying next to me, leaning up
on her elbow and looking down. “I was
actually seduced?”
“No, I think
it was pretty mutual there,” she giggles. “I just wasn’t going to turn you down
once we started. I liked the way your
hands felt on my skin, and the way you tasted…sweet from the wine, salty after
going down on me.” I can feel my body
stiffen with the remembered desire and I close my eyes trying to take a deep
breath. “You have an amazing tongue, Kevin,” she whispers
seductively. “And very skilled hands.”
“You weren’t all that bad yourself, you know,” I say, trying to keep my
voice steady and my hands from touching myself.
“Go ahead,” she urges
quietly. “Show me what you liked me to do to you.”
“I’m not that flexible.”
She giggles. “Oh, is that what you liked? All those times when I snuck my hand onto
your lap were wasted?”
“Hell, no!” I protest. “But what
I liked best was feeling your tongue slip over me, and the heat of your breath
and mouth.”
“That’s what
I liked too. When you slid your tongue
inside and pulled on my clit with your lips.
It would drive me out of my skin.”
“I know…that’s why I did it,” I confess. “It was amazing. We were amazing. I loved touching you…I loved being able to
feel your desire and pleasure, how you’d be so sweet and wet when I tasted you,
so open when I entered you… The
best…God, I loved it when I could watch you come. You were so fucking sexy when you were out of
control like that. I loved the sound you
made…short little gasps and quiet moans right before you’d tilt your hips
up. And I knew you were close when you
put your hand on my shoulder and stopped rubbing the back of my head.”
“Then what?”
“I’d hope that I would be able
to slip inside of you…” I can’t do
it. I can’t keep talking to her like
this. I’m aching all over, trying to
breathe.
“I’d reach down and
slide my hands over your dick,” she starts. And yeah,
she did. “And you’d make this strange sound in your throat as you
closed your eyes. God, that was so
beautiful when you did that. You are so
beautiful when you’re raw like that, completely lost in sensation. And I’d slide my thumb over the
tip…remember?” Like I’d forget? Especially now? “Go
ahead…do it,” she encourages. “Imagine my hands touching you,
Baby. What they do to you…that’s
right…and I’d slide my thumb over and around…just like that, yeah... Don’t forget, one hand had to run over your
chest and belly. I loved to feel your muscles
so tight like that, listen to the way you breathed hard and heavy. And I’d guide you inside me…right?” I curl my hands around my erection and lift
my hips up, feeling the warmth of my palms tighten against myself. “Did
you like being inside of me?”
“It was…wonderful…so wet and warm and tight.”
“You filled
me so perfectly, Kevin. I loved how you
felt inside of me…watching you grind into me was so hot…I was so lucky to have
you that way…how you drove yourself deeper and deeper…faster and faster… Can you remember, Baby? Can you feel it like that now, Baby?” I can remember, and my hands rub along my
cock so fast that I come all over my belly and drop against the mattress
completely exhausted. “That’s what I loved the best,” she continues. “That
look on your face, just like now. So
relieved and content and full of pleasure and love.”
I reach over and grab some tissues, tossing them onto the floor once I
cleaned up. I don’t have the energy
right now to get up and be clean about it, my entire body is just shaking. “I miss making love with you, Danni,” I
mumble, feeling completely spent.
“I miss it
too, Baby,” she
says softly. She doesn’t say anything
for a while, and I can feel myself starting to drift back off into sleep,
forcing myself to stay awake and talk to her. “Don’t,
Sweetheart…sleep. You can sleep now.”
Danni~
“Who the hell is
that?” I completely interrupt him molesting some
slut on the way up to the bedroom. He’s
been out with Nick most of the night and I left them alone, waiting here for
him to come home. And he comes home
with…with… They’re giggling and she’s
squealing in giggles before he covers his mouth over hers in a sloppy tongue
kiss. And how does he react? He waves his hand at me, shooing me away! “What
the hell are you doing?” But he just ignores
me, shoos me again and continues bringing the trash into our
bedroom.
I can’t watch this. I’d never,
ever, seen him like this, and we’d…well, we weren’t always sweet and gentle, or
sober. But he’d always respected me and
I can’t see any respect here. I
just… He makes me sick and sad and disappointed
and I leave, waiting out the screams and fake giggles, fake moans and loud
grunts that fade to silence.
I come back into the room and find her snuggled up with him in the bed
and I just want to vomit. I don’t
understand why he’s doing this, or how he could. He’s so much better than this! He’s so much more respectable than this! He’s so much more mature than this! And her! The slut!
How dare she be curled up and comfortable in his arms! That’s my place! That’s where I’m supposed to be – not some pick up that doesn’t know about
him, or care! She’s on my side of the bed and I’ll be damned if she’s going to stay there!
I may not have much to fight with, but she’ll have frostbite before the
night is over and I plaster myself directly over her. In minutes, she’s shivering, curling up
closer to Kevin, but it doesn’t do any good because, damn it, when she moves,
I’m moving with her until she’s out of my bed and away from my husband! I can see her breath, and now she’s so cold,
she’s woken him up.
“Danni,” he mumbles.
“No, Tammy,” she corrects him and I giggle.
“Go ahead…tell HER
you see dead people, Kevin.” He sits up, she’s shivering and hugging herself and I cling
to her.
“Can you turn the air conditioning down?” she asks.
“It ain’t on, Honey,” I answer her
snidely. “Get used to it or get out of our bed!”
“I’ll be right back,” he says, pulling the blanket from the foot of the
bed and shoving it at her. See what I
mean? Could he be more rude?
“What the fuck are you doing?” he seethes at me in a low growl, going
across the hall into the spare bedroom.
“What is your problem?”
“What is my
PROBLEM? You bring some TRAMP into our
bed…after last night… and you’re asking me what MY problem is?”
“You know what? I’m a widow, Danni!
I’m supposed to be getting on with my life, remember? I’m tired of going to bed alone every night! I don’t want to jerk off for the rest of my
fucking life and, so what if I bring someone
home for the night? It’s not like I’m married and can have you anymore!”
I don’t know what to say but I feel completely broken, useless,
pointless, an inch tall and…this is what I have to look forward to, isn’t
it? For the rest of my existence, I
have to look forward to watching him bring other women into our bed, fall in
love maybe, have children…with me being some insignificant bystander. I don’t care what he tells me, but I am being
punished if this is what I have to do.
This isn’t even punishment, this is cruel and unjust evil.
“Oh my God, Danni…” he whispers, his entire demeanor breaking
apart. “I didn’t mean that. Please…don’t look like that. I didn’t mean that…”
“You’re right
though,”
I tell him. “You have to get on with living…and
that’s part of it, isn’t it?”
“She’s not…” He sighs and wipes
his mouth with his hand. “It’s not
like…”
“You hooked up,
Kevin. You went out and found a warm
body.” I don’t have tears to cry, but my voice
breaks anyway. “You’re lonely. I understand that now. I’m sorry.
I got…jealous and I really don’t have a right to be jealous like this,
do I? I’m…non-existent now and we really
don’t have… I’m sorry, Kevin. Go back.
I’ll keep out of your way.” I nod at him,
forcing myself to look brave, or at least attempting it, and apparently, I’m
failing miserably because he sits down on the spare bed and keeps looking at
me.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, Danni,” he says quietly. “I don’t want anyone…I just needed
something...something physical because every time I want to reach out for you,
I can’t touch you. I tried a substitute…and it… It’s not what I want either.”
“Go back before she
leaves and make her sign the non-disclosure agreement,” I tell him, trying to
keep my voice steady.
“I’m sorry, Danni,” he says, slowly standing up.
“Make her sign the
agreement.”
Kevin~
When I wake up, my ‘hook-up’ is still sleeping next to me, snoring and
smeared make-up. I didn’t think I could
feel more hollow than I did before last night, but this morning, I feel more
empty. Danni’s right, I’m better than
this. I know better than this. I’m not going to find any kind of satisfaction
in meaningless sex. I didn’t mind it
before…long before. But after I was with
Danni, once we were married, it was like I finally understood what sex was
supposed to be about. But I just
couldn’t face another night alone. I
just wanted a body next to me when I fell asleep, just so I could sleep, but it
was wrong. It was all wrong. It didn’t feel right. It didn’t sound right. It didn’t move right, or snuggle the way I
was used to. It made it worse, I could
barely sleep, and when I did, I couldn’t stop dreaming about Danni, making
this, waking up to Tammy, that much worse.
Why does everything I do remind me more sharply of what I don’t have
anymore? When does this stop? When do I stop dividing my life between ‘with
Danni’ and ‘after Danni?’ And when does
this ‘it gets easier’ crap start to happen, because so far, I don’t see it
happening.
Tammy rolls over, making a strange sound as she stretches next to
me. “Good morning,” she purrs, and I
remind myself that I need to be polite.
This isn’t her fault. She can’t
help that I’m not even remotely interested in her, especially since I’m the one
that may have given her that signal by fucking sleeping with her last night.
“Did you sleep well?” I ask politely, finally able to pull my arm back
from her and get out of bed.
She sits up, pulling the blanket up over her and attempting to smooth
her hair down. “Yeah.” She at least seems to be catching on that
this isn’t anything permanent. “How
about you?”
“Fine.” Awkward…I forgot how
awkward this can be, asking someone to leave after having been intimate. I pull on a tee shirt, thankful I put on a
pair of boxers before going back to bed after my fight with Danni.
God, I want to just erase last night completely.
“Would you mind if I took a quick shower?” she asks nervously, I think,
trying to feel out the situation.
“Ah…no, that’s fine.” I attempt
to offer her a smile and point out the bathroom, going downstairs to consider
alcohol or coffee. Part of me isn’t all
that sarcastic, though, but I choose to make coffee just so Tammy doesn’t have
some more stories to tell.
Non-disclosure agreement or no, she’s going to tell her friends. What a mess.
I’m sorry and a total stranger is taking a shower in our bathroom.
Eventually she comes down and I politely offer her something to
drink…and the non-disclosure agreement.
Another really awkward moment.
Usually Carlos, or one of the fellas on duty gets to do the dirty work,
but I forced Carlos to go home after he escorted us back here. There’s another lecture I’ll get later
today. She’s kind about it, reads it
over silently and neatly signs her name, placing the pen down on top of the
contract when she’s finished. “I should
be going,” she finally says. I walk her
to the door, kiss her cheek and finally take a breath once the door is closed
behind her.
“She’s gone,” I call out, hoping Danni can hear me and might appear,
but there’s nothing. “Danni? Please…I’m sorry.” Still no response. “It’s not gonna happen again.” I head further into the living room. Silence.
“Danni? Come on, you have to
believe me. I didn’t mean anything by
it.” Nothing. “Damn it, Danni! This isn’t fair! Where the Hell are you?” Still no reply and I pace the room,
waiting. She wouldn’t leave after last
night. We have to talk about this. I mean, sure, I definitely hurt her, but she
wouldn’t just disappear.
Not that I blame her. I saw that
look on her face last night. I
completely crushed her, and I think the part that scares me, is that I meant
to. I wanted to piss her off in
retaliation for… Like she had a choice! But I couldn’t stop myself and the words flew
out of my mouth before I could think.
And she needs to know I didn’t mean it.
I really didn’t. “Danni, come
on! Is this the new silent
treatment? Are you out there listening
to me? You know I didn’t mean it!”
“What’re you yelling about?” She appears in the
kitchen doorway, still looking dejected and rejected.
“She’s gone,” I say, stepping closer to her, but she bites her lips and
just nods. “Danni, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”
“You didn’t have to,” she interrupts. “You were
right. It doesn’t matter anymore. Officially, I have no hold on you anymore and
you have to have a life without me. You
don’t need my approval.”
“But…”
She shakes her head, attempting a weak smile. “No, buts, Kevin.
You don’t. I had no right getting
jealous, even if it was trashy and meaningless...”
She lifts her hands up, stopping herself from finishing the
sentence. “Even if it
wasn’t what I…whatever. I had no right
getting jealous and maybe this is one of those things that…well, maybe it’s
time I stopped being here so you CAN move on.
I’m not helping…”
“Stopped being here? No…no, you
can’t leave me again, Danni, you can’t!
I can’t do this again so soon. I
can’t lose you again so soon. You
can’t…”
“Kevin, calm down.” She’s panicking
now, her eyes bugging out as she looks at me.
I can’t move, totally frozen where I’m standing.
“You can’t, Danni. Not over something
stupid like this! I was stupid! It won’t happen again! Don’t…please, don’t leave me again.”
“Slow down, Baby,” she says gently, watching my eyes intently. “Take a breath…it’s going to be okay. I won’t go, all right? I won’t…just, calm down. It’s okay.”
“Not again,” I tell her, slowly shaking my head and feeling hot
tears. “I can’t…not again.” I rub my face with my hands, willing myself
to get it together and chill out, but just the thought of having to say
good-bye…really knowing I’m going to be on my own without her forever… I can’t handle that.
“Kev?” she questions cautiously. I let
my hands drop to my sides and look up at her.
“You had a really rough night, drank way too much more than what you’re
used to, and just had sex for the first time since all this happened. It’s okay to be a little freaked out. I’m sorry I said anything about going
away. You’re in no frame of mind right
now to be coherent.”
“You’re sounding like a therapist again,” I say tiredly.
“Occupational hazard,” she answers, trying to comfort me with a warm,
sympathetic smile. “But I know
I’m right. It’s all good things,
though. It’s another step. It’s all good, Baby.”
If it’s all so good, why do all these ‘good things’ make me feel like I
should never bother getting out of bed?
I knew I should have stayed home.
Carlos~
“She’s getting off?” Kevin screams at me in disbelief, eyes wide, his face
filling with color. “She kills someone? And she’s getting off?” I lift my hands, trying to put them on his
shoulders to steady him, but he pushes past me to pace the living room.
“She’s not getting off, Kev,” I try to explain.
“I fucking knew I should have gone!” he continues furiously.
“Yeah, because you’re so rational.”
Okay, I shouldn’t have said that.
Of course he’s not going to be rational.
Who in their right mind would be?
He storms over and I think he’s going to take a swing at me, but all I
really have to do is look at him and he backs off. I’d take the blow, for what it’s worth, but I
don’t mind avoiding it. “Look, I know
you want her to rot in jail, but Kevin, she’s not a cold blooded
killer. She’s fucking sick and she’s not
going to get off and roam free. She’s
being institutionalized.”
“She killed Danni!” he screams at me.
“I know,”
I tell him, but if he heard her, what she was saying…he just might believe it
too. “Kevin, she’s a total nutcase, but
she never meant to kill Danni. She only
meant to scare her.”
“Manslaughter? Can’t she go away
for involuntary manslaughter?”
“Not in her frame of mind, no,” I answer. “Look, I know this isn’t what you want to
hear, but it’s just the truth. She’s not
stable. She was at some concert and you
smiled at her in the crowd and she thought you were meant to be together. In her mind, all those love songs you sing
are about her. She went to the hotels,
she went to the venues, she got into parties so you would hook up with her, and
when you didn’t, she decided you were scared to make the first move. Then, when made herself available to you – it
was the night you saw Danni in that video. She thought it was Danni’s fault you
weren’t together. All she wanted to do
was to get Danni to leave you, that was her whole plan. Danni would leave and you’d be available for
her again. She went into hiding after
she was killed because she was afraid you’d blame her for it.”
“She was afraid I’d blame her?” he asks in shock.
“Who the fuck else is there to blame?”
“It was an accident. She grabbed
Danni’s arm, and when she released, Danni pulled away and lost her balance and
fell. She didn’t push her.”
“She broke the restraining order,” he argues. “If she didn’t violate the restraining order,
Danni would still be alive!”
“She’s sick,
Kevin. They can’t put her away because
she’s mentally unstable. Delusional
Disorder; she’s fixated on you and doesn’t understand reality. Danni’s own notes from her sessions helped
prove it! I don’t know how else to make
you understand that.”
“That’s not…” He sputters,
unable to finish his thoughts he’s so pissed off. “So she’s just…” Kevin turns and punches his fist directly through
the wall. I told you I didn’t want him
hitting me. “All of this! All this time! And she’s going… There’s nothing…”
“She’s not roaming the streets, Kevin.
She’s not off. She’s got a long
time in a psychiatric hospital coming to her.”
“That’s not…” He flexes his
hand, probably feeling the sting from punching the wall, but then he swipes it
over a table, clearing it in one swift scoop, kicking at the wall when he’s
finished and just screams furiously. I
know it doesn’t seem fair, and part of me wants her to rot in jail too, but I
saw her and she’s a nut job. Going on
and on about how he’d leave little messages to her in their songs, and in the
videos. Her biggest worry was that Kevin might be
mad at her, but once he realized that she didn’t actually mean to kill Danni,
he’d understand and take her back. I
mean, really, how fucked up is that?
I don’t blame Kevin’s rampage, though, which is why I’m not trying to
stop it. A few broken dishes or
figurines or something is nothing for the minute satisfaction it’s going to
bring him, and quite honestly, it’s a release he’s needed to get rid of for
weeks. All that anger held up inside of
him has to find its way out. I’m gonna
let it come out and be here just to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself in the process.
And the good thing about these kinds of fits is that they don’t last
long. It takes up a lot of energy really
fast and leaves you feeling completely drained.
So, once Kevin finishes throwing a few things and kicking a few more
walls he sits down right where he was standing and breaks down, releasing the
rest of it. This is the breakdown we’ve
been waiting for, the real release and understanding of what all had happened,
and the mourning that goes with it. It’s
too much to hold onto, and Ronnie’s verdict was just enough to send him into
it.
I walk over and squat next behind him, resting my hand on his
shoulder. “That’s just not right,” he
cries, shoulders shaking, his voice muffled in his hands. “She’s dead! She’s dead and she doesn’t
even…it’s not right! It’s not fair!”
Kevin~
Howie’s in the studio when I come in and looks up at first surprised,
but then a little scared. “How’d it go?”
he asks hesitantly.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I answer sharply and sit down at the
mixing console, and turning on the playback from where we left off a few months
ago. “Where’s everyone else? Did we get Brian to actually leave his
fortress?”
“Brian’s coming in next week,” he says.
“And you’re early, so no one else is here yet. Your appointment was…”
“Well, fuck the appointment,” I snap.
“I don’t need to see a fucking shrink for him to tell me I suffered a
big loss and I’m under stress.”
“That’s not the point, and you know it,” he argues, giving me the
‘you’re an idiot’ look. “It doesn’t have
to be forever, but Kevin…” I keep
playing with the sound and ignoring him.
“Kevin! Man,” he softens his tone as he looks at me,
“you need something…someone to talk to.
We’re concerned about you.”
“Well, don’t be! I’m fucking fine!” I push back from
the console and glare at him. “You know,
I can’t believe any of you! My wife was killed! I think I have a right to be a little out of
sorts, don’t you?”
“We’re not saying…”
“The hell you’re not!” I interject.
“I’m sorry if I may have changed a little!”
“Kevin! We don’t have a problem
with you changing. Shit, all of us have changed since this
happened! But…”
“The hell with it. Fuck it
all!” I don’t even bother to look back
and just storm out of the studio. It’s
not worth it anymore.
“So, they think you’re corrupting me,”
she laughs into the phone. “You kept me
out way too late, I’m afraid. If only
they knew the kinds of things I was showing you, Mr. Richardson!”
“Well, they should have a hint by the
picture they have of us on page 37 in
Danni squeals in my ear but then she
covers her mouth because the sound gets muffled. “Oh my God!”
“Another second and that picture
wouldn’t have been fit to print,” I tease her. “Which means, you know it’s out
there – us groping at each other,” I chuckle and AJ lifts an eyebrow at
me. This might be the first time I’m not
excusing myself and talking quietly in a corner when I have a girlfriend. I’m not giving them a tell-all, but I’m not
exactly keeping quiet about anything either.
Whatever they over hear is fine with me.
I’m having the time of my life right now, and I don’t care who’s
listening.
“It’s worth groping, Baby,” she murmurs
in my ear.
I clear my voice and move on. “So…what’s your schedule like today?”
“I’m actually on my way back into the
conference,” she tells me.
“So soon?”
“Duty calls, Baby,” she says. “I’ll call you when I get a break? You going to be around?”
“I should be. We’re in the studio today.”
“Love to your boys…and you.” She makes a playful smooching sound and the
phone clicks off.
AJ’s got that amused smirk on his face
and he’s holding back a giggle. “Dude,
you are so…”
“Yeah, I know,” I interrupt and slip my
phone back into my pocket. “And lovin’
every second of it.”
“Is that because you get to rub it into
everyone’s face?” he asks, resting his arms on the table in front of him. “All those nay-sayers that said it wouldn’t
ever happen?”
“To be honest, it’s because…it’s
right. And I don’t care who knows, or
what anyone says about it.” I look down
to the picture in the magazine and run a finger over Danni’s face, wishing with
everything in my body that I could touch it for real. Every time my phone rings, I can usually
guess when it’s going to be her. I can
almost hear it in the ring tone, even if I know that’s impossible. “It’s just what it’s supposed to be. Everything I ever wanted it to be.”
Everything I ever wanted it to be...
Why was it ripped out from under me?
Why do I have to try and pick up what’s left of this? Everything I ever wanted it to be and now
it’s all pointless. It’s all gone and
the person responsible for it is getting off…but I’m the one they want talking
to a shrink? I’m the one that’s having
issues? Maybe, if Karma’s really swift,
they’ll give me the same fucking shrink!
Or she’ll have her session next door to me…at least then, if I saw her,
I could fucking kill her myself and claim I was insane too.
Fuck it all… What’s the God damn
point anymore?