The Long and Winding Road

By Cori

She knew she was running late, and one thing she learned was it was poor form to make excuses for it. The sun glared down as she sat in traffic, seeming to cooking her, in spite of how high she had the air conditioning going. She checked the clock on the dashboard, again, and groaned loudly, yelling “move!” to the cars in front of her. ‘Should have left more time…should have left more time…’ she chastised, but turned up the radio louder instead of dwelling on it and breathed a sigh of relief as her lane started crawling again.

This could be the last major break she needed for her career, part of why Katie was so hard on herself for being late. She campaigned for weeks to get this opportunity, and now, showing up late, would make a horrible impression. After freelancing for the past three years, her name was starting to get recognition and a carte blanche for two weeks filming the Backstreet Boys on tour could really help, especially she was able to get the kinds of shots she wanted.

When she met with management and the boys, they all seemed to be in agreement that she’d have free range as long as they all got final approval over the shots, which seemed fair to her. She certainly didn’t want photos out there that they’d criticize – leaving her with a reputation that she didn’t work with the artists’ wishes. She knew she could stay true to herself, capture their identity without having to compromise anything. All she needed to do was capture them the same way she’d prefer to be on film.

She pulled into the parking lot, looking at the bland, white building and forced herself to take one deep breath before getting out and grabbing her things. After being greeted at the door by a very pleasant bodyguard, she was shown into an empty rehearsal studio and left alone.

A few minutes later, she could hear dim laughter and pointed the camera she was readying while waiting towards the door, clicking away when it pushed open to capture three men laughing, slapping one another on the shoulder, and one breaking away from the group. Then, they all stopped, and through the lens, Katie could see the immediate scowl. “You could have warned us you were here,” one said skeptically.

“I was told to blend by the management,” she answered, the lump in her throat growing. ‘You blew it…you blew it…’

“And you blend by being the only person in the room, taking pictures the second we walk through the door?” he asked, continuing to scowl.

“I’d say I was announcing myself the best way I know how,” she answered, keeping her voice firm. “I got your attention, didn’t I?”

“Nice,” the one with the tattoos, AJ, scoffed but a smile appeared. She thought he might have gotten her point. He tilted his head just slightly and she could see another hint of a grin. “I already forgot, what your name was?” he asked, this time extending his hand to her.

“Katie.”

“Katie,” he shook her hand, “that’s right.” The one with the scowl was Kevin. The other skeptic glaring at her was Brian. She knew that, of course. Not only with the quick meeting, but also by doing some preliminary background work on them to see what treatments they’ve had and try to find someway to make her photos different. “Forgive our testiness,” AJ continued. “We just started having some issues with privacy.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, more towards AJ as the other two were still kind of scowling at her, “I just assumed you were informed about my coming in today and what was approved.” She glanced at the other two, but turned back to AJ again. “I promise to be discreet and not intrusive. If you feel like I am, let me know, but truly, my attempt is to blend into the background and just capture the moment. I know there’s one day set aside to do some promo shots and I’ll work with whomever to make sure I don’t interfere too badly with your schedule.” She glanced over to Kevin and Brian again, this time attempting to address them. “I don’t want to be the enemy here. I just want to try to get you all in your natural habitat,” she tried joking. “As natural as you can be,” she amended when they didn’t smile.

She spent most of the day alone, observing mostly, observing the boys watching her but very little interaction with her. Occasionally, she snapped a few shots…making sure they could see her lifting the camera and aiming. ‘So much for unobtrusive and candid,’ she grumbled silently, tossing her bags in the back seat of her car with a heavy exhale. ‘They hate you,’ she continued silently chastising herself as she unlocked the car door. Well, most of them. AJ smiled, at least. She stuck the key in the ignition and glanced at herself in the rearview mirror, just looking into her own eyes when the passenger door opened.

“D’you have plans?” Kevin said, pulling his ball cap down and slouching into the seat, glancing out the window.

Immediately, the car smelled of cologne – something sweet – and she stared at him, lost. “What?” she asked.

“Do you have plans?” He asked again, turning to her. “We have this…media thing…we have to go to.”

“And you sound so excited to go,” she said carefully.

He relaxed a little into the seat and shrugged. “Doesn’t matter to me. Did you have plans?” She just blinked at him. Was he being nice? Was he forced to come out here by someone? Was this him asking her on a date? What was this?

“No, I don’t at the moment,” she said slowly.

“We’re meeting at the Beverly Hills hotel at 7:00,” he started getting out of the car and turned back to her. “I’ll even buy you a drink.”

When she glanced at him, she hoped she was hiding the shock on her expression, and the relief that he wasn’t asking her as a date. “Does anyone else know you have split personalities?” she asked. “I mean, are you aware you were prick to me all day or was that just your evil twin?”

She thought he flashed a smiled. “Yeah…about that…”

“Yeah, about that… If this is some kind of initiation, or joke, or something? I’m entirely not amused.”

“Wow, you’re feisty!” he said, almost as if it was a compliment, and she thought she heard a drawl.

“7:00, you said?” she questioned, completely unsure how she was supposed to take him now.

“I’ll buy you a drink to make up for me being an ass to you,” he said, getting out of the car and bending down to look at her. This time he was smiling. “And you’ll have exclusive access over the rest of the press. That should make it worth while, right?”

“Oh, now, see,” Katie said, stretching her arms up over her head, “now is when I should have the camera.”

Kevin chuckled, sliding his hand up her arm as it came back down and pulled her to him for a quick kiss. “You should have thought of that sooner,” he said groggily and lowering them both back down to the mattress.

“Yeah, because I’m psychic and knew the loser prick that scowled at me all day was going to end up in my bed a few hours after dinner,” she moaned, tilting her head up to kiss his jaw as he slid his hand down her belly.

“Can you maybe stop calling me that now?” he asked lightly searching out her mouth. “Kind of spoils the mood, you know?”

She moaned when he slid his fingers between her legs and slowly inhaled deeply with the pleasure. “Mmm, not for me,” she murmured, squirming closer towards him and pulling the sheets into her fists. “God, you’re good at that.”

“I’m better at other things.” He nuzzled into her neck, slowly kissing along her shoulder and repositioning himself over her.

“Only when your thing is covered, Cowboy,” she told him between kisses and motioned towards the nightstand. “Then, I’m more than willing to ride, ride, ride…”

The alarm clock blinked a bright green across the pillows and the street light cast a dim shadow. Katie was curled against him, her head on his shoulder as he traced her hand lying on his stomach, and he was growing sleepy. “Is that thing set?” he asked, finding his voice.

“Mmm, humm,” she answered tiredly. She lifted her head up and pulled away, all the roaring passion gone. Perhaps she was just as exhausted as he was. She turned her back to him, pulling a pillow against her and mumbled ‘good night.’ When he drew closer to her, attempting to put an arm around her waist, she lifted her arm up, and stiffened. “Go to sleep, Kevin,” she said, pulling just a little further away. She resettled against the pillow and exhaled, drifting off to sleep.

Some people need their space when they sleep, he considered, trying to settle into the mattress again. But the whole idea of being with her was not just for sex. He wanted the company. He wanted to hold on to someone. He didn’t want it to feel cheap, or convenient. He wasn’t sure if it was, but he didn’t want it to feel that way. She was witty, and bright, and energetic and pretty and he figured he’d see what would happen if he made a move.

Is this what happens, then? What happens when the alarm goes off? Is this going to be weird and awkward, now? She sighed lightly in her sleep, and sleep seemed to be calling to him. Sleep would be good. Sleep would end all the questions and whatever happened when the alarm went off…happened. They were consenting adults, after all. So be it.

“Oh, God, make it stop,” he groaned, squinting as sunlight streamed into his eyes and the alarm blared from the nightstand. He groaned at the sound, his hand flopped in the direction of the sound until it stopped.

“Oh, you’re priceless,” Katie said with an easy laugh, rolling away from the alarm clock to rest her head on Kevin’s shoulder. “I’m going to guess that you’re not a morning person. Am I right?”

“I’m not a ‘waking up’ person; morning, afternoon, evening…” he mumbled, rubbing a hand over his face with a heavy sigh. “Doesn’t matter when, I just don’t like to wake up.”

“Oh, poor baby,” she sympathized, leaning up on her elbow. “And you have funny hair in the morning, too.” She reached over and attempted to smooth the short, spiky strands that were plastered and poking out while he closed his eyes again. “No…no falling back to sleep. I have to get you to the office.”

“I don’t work in an office,” he mumbled, keeping his eyes closed.

“Figure of speech, Kevin. Up. Time to rise and shine.” He merely inhaled deeply, releasing the breath slowly, and she had to admit, she didn’t mind lying next to him and just watching him lie there with the sheet down around his waist. His chest was smooth, his body toned and muscular and she felt herself shiver when she thought about him lying on top of her, their hips grinding together. That memory would be emblazoned in her brain for eternity.

“You don’t seem to be moving all that much,” he said, remaining motionless.

“Yeah, well…”

“Mmm, hmmm.”

“I’ll start singing the song I learned in Brownies,” she threatened. “And trust me, you don’t want me to sing.”

One eye peeked open with a slight smile. “What song would that be? I’m an old camp pro, you know. Maybe I’ll join you.”

She sat up onto her knees and flipped her hair off her shoulder as she cleared her throat. With one look, she smiled and started clapping rhythmically. “Rise and shine, and give God the glory, glory…rise and shine and give God the glory, glory…rise and shine and give God the glory, glory, Children of the Lord…”

“The Lord said to Noah there’s gonna be a floody, floody…” Kevin continued before laughing. “Now I know how annoying I was when I did it to my campers.”

“It’s pretty obnoxious,” she agreed, dropping back down next to him. “Probably why I remembered it…to torture people.”

“It’s a success.” He pulled the pillow from under to over his head briefly.

She pulled it away and tossed it over her shoulder. “Meaning, you don’t want me to keep singing to you?”

“You could have the voice of Shania Twain, and I wouldn’t want you to keep singing, Darlin’.”

“But you’re awake now,” she grinned down at him, leaning over to kiss him quickly. “So my job is done. Come on, get up.”

She sat up and tapped his thigh, sliding a bit across the mattress until he put his hand on her wrist. “Why the rush?”

She glanced over her shoulder at him with a slow smile. “I’m just trying to be responsible with the Backstreet Boy.”

He sat up, running his hands over her shoulders and kissed between her shoulder blades. “Let the Backstreet Boy be responsible for the Backstreet Boy.” He lifted her hair up and kissed behind her ear. “In spite of our name? We don’t need babysitters.”

They could hear voices in the studio as they drew closer and she stifled a giggle. “You are so busted,” she whispered, pushing through the main door as he continued down towards the locker room. He smiled, waving her comment off and disappeared behind the doors.

She paused, listening to the deep rumbling of the voices on the other side of the door, keeping her gaze down the hallway towards the locker room, finally letting the shock of what happened sink in. She’d spent the night with him! This wasn’t something she did. Anyone that knew her would be more than a little surprised. She hadn’t so much as had a date in the last three years, much less jumped into bed with someone she barely knew. But he was something incredibly hard to say no to. She was too attracted to turn him down, and even felt a little flattered that he’d made the offer. It had been a long time since anyone propositioned her, much less someone that looked liked him. It didn’t hurt, either, that when they left the studio, he was funny and attentive. Had he tried it just a few hours earlier, she’d have slapped him.

Now she had to walk into the studio and try not to blush. She could try to be quiet, or cavalier about it, but she knew that as soon as someone looked twice at her, or as soon as Kevin looked at her, she’d be blushing and stammering. And she also knew that his friends in there would take one look at her and just know what happened. This was definitely not the first time something like this had happened. She had a feeling it happened quite a lot, actually, but somehow, she still didn’t seem to care. Again, she thought about the way he looked, lying over her, bare chest, a wide, contented smile on his face as he looked down at her, breathing heavily while her body undulated with pleasure.

She pushed the door open and smiled when the faces turned to look at her. “Good morning, boys,” she said cheerfully, squaring her shoulders. Yup, they knew, but she breezed past them to put her bags down in the corner, trying to get out of the way and prepare for the day, and ignore the curious looks she was getting. She could feel them, but refused to look up and acknowledge them. Let them find out in the locker room like all the other boys do.

“Why don’t you come back to the hotel with us and have dinner?” AJ asked, putting his arm around Katie’s shoulder at the end of the day. “We’re officially done for the day.”

She hesitated, avoiding looking at Kevin, not wanting him to think she was looking for something more. She could handle a one-night stand. If it was two nights, she wouldn’t say no, either, but she wanted to leave that entirely up to him and not look like she was pushing herself on him.

“Dinner?” Kevin asked, walking past her and winked. “Meet you out front in ten.”

“Uh, yeah…okay.” She hoped that sounded casual.

“You can get candids of Kevin eating with his mouth open,” AJ cackled, placing a hand on Kevin’s shoulder as they headed towards the locker room.

“And of AJ getting his ass kicked,” Kevin responded, placing his hand on the back of AJ’s head and pushing playfully.

“What the hell are you doing?” Kevin asked once they were safely in the locker room. “Why’re you putting her on the spot like that?”

“Dude, you’ve been giving her the puppy dog looks all day,” AJ answered.

“Secret smiles,” Howie added, pulling a clean shirt on.

“Little winks,” Brian said, brushing his wet hair in the mirror over the sinks.

Nick came around the corner with a towel wrapped around his scrawny teenage waist. “Kevin’s got a crush…Kevin’s got a crush…” he sang playfully.

Kevin pulled his tee shirt over his head and grabbed the towel from the inside of his locker. “Y’all need glasses,” he commented casually, rolling the towel and snapping it at Nick as he passed him.

“No, dude, you need a reality check,” AJ said, following behind him to the showers. “She’s cute! Why the hell not?” There was no reply. Kevin turned on the water, finished undressing and stepped under the stream. “Fine, don’t admit it. But she didn’t say no to dinner.”

“I’m not in love with her, AJ,” he said before letting the water wash over his face. “She’s very nice, we had a great time together, but…”

“But what?”

“We’re only here for a week before we move on.” He turned the water off, wrapped the towel around his waist and went back to the locker room. There’s no point in pursuing it. He’d be all over; she’d be working all over someplace else. He didn’t even know if he liked her that much to see if it could be something more. He wasn’t quite ready to write her off, though. Maybe a few more days could help him get to know her a little better. Maybe she wouldn’t be interested in anything serious either. Just casual…casual could be okay.

The problem was Kevin was tired of casual. He was tired of the emptiness it left him with when he moved on. It took at least a week to get used to sleeping alone again, unless they were in scheduling hell. Then sleep would come wherever he could grab it and he usually wasn’t in a bed to worry about being alone. And the idea of scheduling ‘something casual’ to happen around that kind of schedule felt wrong in so many ways. Not getting emotionally involved was one thing, scheduling not to get involved was something completely different; too calculated, too cold, too jaded.

“So, what made you put the streak in your hair?” Nick asked with a mouthful of roll.

Katie reached up and smoothed a section of her jet-black hair streaked with neon blue. “Why? Don’t you like it?” she asked with a flirty smile.

Nick widened his eyes, immediately stuttering. “No…no, I didn’t mean it that way!”

She laughed and touched his sleeve. “I’m just playin’ with ya, Nick. I do it just for that reason.” She winked at him while the others laughed easily. He looked at her, a little sheepishly and shook his head, caught in the joke.

Kevin wasn’t sure how he felt about her flirting, although there was an unsettled feeling in his stomach watching her with the other fellas. He was trying not to make what happened between them last night obvious, but he still felt as if he had laid claim on her. He certainly didn’t want her going off with one of the others’, and he wondered silently whether or not she would. But it seemed, just when he would wonder too seriously, she’d turn her bright blue eyes to him and offer a quick smile.

“Dude, you’re way too easy,” she teased Nick.

“He gets nervous around girls,” Brian offered, nudging Nick sitting on the other side of him. “He’s usually turned three shades of red by now, right Nicky?”

“Shut up,” Nick protested, sticking his tongue out full of food and nudging Brian back, but just as Brian had said, he started blushing.

Kevin sat back and rested his arm across Katie’s chair easily, quietly sighing in self-mockery. ‘Like either of those two would have the courage to hit on her.’ Katie was much too confident for them. If they got into some sort of sexual encounter, she’d tell them what to do and they’d be too flustered to follow through, most likely. Howie and AJ, on the other hand… He looked across the table, watching them laugh at Nick and Brian. Howie? Kevin didn’t think Howie was Katie’s type. Howie came across too humble, too sensitive and he wasn’t sure if Katie would respond to that approach. But AJ…AJ is definitely someone she could get along with, although he might be too wild for her. But he definitely had the confidence, and he wouldn’t shy away from a bit of flirting. He wouldn’t shy away from instruction, either, if his reputation was to be believed. And he had that sensitivity to follow up afterwards.

“You’re not paying attention to anything,” Katie whispered in his ear, placing her hand on his thigh under the tablecloth. “Are you too worn out?”

“Aw, look,” AJ cooed, “they’re whispering sweet nothings.”

“I’m trying to figure out some way to get this meal over with,” Kevin whispered back, ignoring the chuckles at the table, and eyeing up AJ across from him to silence him, “and get you back to my room.”

“Do you have etchings to show me?” she teased, whispering back.

“How about you having proofs to show me?” he answered.

“I have to take pictures first,” she finished whispering, sliding her hand up his thigh before lifting it away and pushing her chair back. “Okay, keep eating…carry on, be merry…pretend I’m not here.” She dug into the bag under her seat and pulled out a camera.

“Aw, now, people don’t really want to see Nick eating with his mouth open!” Howie protested, and just as she turned the camera over to Nick, he stuck his tongue out again with a lump of chewed food in the middle of it.

“Dude!” Brian knocked into him and Nick finished chewing, laughing proudly.

“Boys will be boys,” she said, moving around the table and snapping quick shots. Eventually, they carried on, their conversation turning to the routines they were learning, and timing of the steps, and which steps were the hardest to get. Even Kevin stopped watching Katie move around the table, joined in, and eventually stopped hearing the click of the camera.

She was unobtrusive when she worked, moving around them at a distance, pausing at times and clicking again. She had changed the roll of film twice before they were finished and she was smiling contentedly when they pushed their chairs back and started heading in their own directions, except for Kevin remaining at the table and watching her pack her camera back up. “So, how were we?”

She smiled and lifted her shoulders. “Were you performing for me?”

“Probably, at first.”

“But then?”

“Then…I don’t know. I guess we didn’t notice.”

“Then you were great.”

“Why is it so important to get us when we’re not looking?” he asked, pushing his chair back and taking her bag from her.

“I can carry…” He held onto the strap on his shoulder and gave her a reassuring nod. “I guess because in the posed shots you’re being something you’re not and if you’re not looking, or aware of the picture being taken, your guard is down and I can just get you being who you really are.”

“Is there that much of a difference?”

They headed down the hallway, out of the conference room dinner had been served in. Two big, burly men stood by the elevator talking at the far end of the hallway. Different types of music came drifting down from the open doors, the vibrations absorbed in the thick carpeting in the hallway. Hotels always felt so stifled and stuffy, but just walking down this hallway it was hard to believe it wasn’t some kind of dorm. It was comfortable, somehow.

“There’s a difference,” Katie answered, peering into the rooms as they passed by. She stopped Kevin and took the camera back out. “I’ll be quick, I promise.” She went back, staying in the hallway, but lifted the camera up, clicking a few more shots before moving to another doorway and doing the same. “Just being in this hallway is different, don’t you think?” she asked as Kevin watched her. “Normal people keep their doors closed. Hotels are supposed to be hushed and quiet, but…”

“These guys are never hushed and quiet,” Kevin said.

“It’s not a hotel to you all, is it?” she asked, aiming the camera at Kevin and taking a few more shots. “This is kind of like a home to you, right?” He just lifted a shoulder. “That’s the difference between posing and candids. One of them, you’re in a hotel, in another…you’re home. I’m trying to get you at home.” Kevin opened the door to his room and stepped aside for her to pass. As he put the bag down on one of the chairs, she chuckled lightly. “You have no idea what I mean, do you?”

“No…no I do.”

She went over and kissed him warmly, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Good, because I’m done for the day, I think. Unless you want some different kinds of candids,” she suggested provocatively.

“No,” he chuckled softly, kissing her again. “Absolutely not.”

“Pity,” she said, pulling back slightly and lifting the bottom of his tee shirt slightly and peering down to his abs. “Because something like that just begs to be photographed.”

“Some other time,” he answered her, “some where a little more…legitimate.”

“Ah, legitimate isn’t fun,” she pouted at him, running the tips of her fingers against his skin lightly.

“No cameras, or I’m putting you out,” he laughed, kissing the tip of her nose quickly.

She let his tee shirt drop and licked her lips, studying the rest of him. “This time,” she agreed, hooking a finger into one of his belt loops and pulling him back towards the couch.

She sat down on the floor in the studio, putting the camera down, watching without the lens. Drawn to watch, to listen. Each of them had headphones on, some of them covering both ears, some just using one, but all of them were intent, not on singing, but also listening – to each other, to the notes they were singing, the way their voices blended and harmonized. They knew who to look at for certain sections, they closed their eyes reaching notes, smiled when they liked what they heard. Knees and heads bobbed to the beat, hands tapped their thighs. Whatever they were doing was as if it was instinctual between them. It was belief, and trust, and she was certain they were just as ecstatic about hearing the music as she was.

She was caught off guard by being so close, by hearing it so simple and pure, just their voices, as she sat on the floor, realizing just how flawless they actually were together, and how amazing it was that these five people managed to find themselves in one room to make this sound. It might have been the first time she understood what musicians mean when they thank God and say what a blessing it is to be able to make music together. The odds of finding that sound, and bringing it to the masses is truly something that was touched by something greater than all of them together. It might have been the first time she believed there was a God and it had nothing to do with how they looked, or what they said. It was truly falling in love: with the voices, harmonies, how they drifted deep inside and discovered a part of her she didn’t know she possessed.

That sound would make them famous. Once people finally got to hear them, they’d fall in love with it, too.

It was silent, and she opened her eyes just in time to see AJ nudge Kevin and motion to her. The rest of them were already looking at her with knowing smiles and she was certain she was blushing, feeling silly for having to wipe a tear off her cheek.

“I take it you liked it?” Brian asked her with a goofy smile.

“It’s not nice to make the girls cry,” she said, trying to put a tease into her voice.

“Only if it’s intentional,” Kevin said, his voice soft and deep.

“Besides, they cry anyway,” Nick added.

“All we have to do is show up, sometimes,” Howie continued, sounding confused.

“We’re still trying to figure it out,” AJ added with a shrug.

“Well,” she started, pushing herself up from the floor, “I don’t know about all of them, but they’re just listening. That was…beautiful. A true gift.”

“Thank you,” Brian said modestly with a generous smile. She lifted her camera and snapped a quick shot, winking at him when she lowered the camera. “Is that gonna be in focus?”

“I’m a professional, too, you know,” she said, still trying not to keep blushing. ‘And I need to act like one. Get a grip, Katie!’

Kevin walked her to the car late in the evening and walked slowly, enjoying the warmth of the air after being in the air conditioning all day. He tugged her hand a little to slow her down and slipped his arm around her shoulder when she slowed her pace. “That was a great compliment, before, you know?”

“When?” she asked, repositioning the camera bag on her shoulder.

“Before, in the studio,” he said. “I was watching and it was a great compliment.”

“Watching what?” she asked.

“You,” he answered, stepping in front of her and putting his other arm around her shoulder, drawing her close. “The way you lost yourself when we were singing. A huge compliment. Thank you.”

“It was beautiful,” she said softly, resting her head against his chest and closing her eyes. “I guess I never really paid attention before…to music. It was just…something on the radio, you know? I never saw it, or felt it, like that before.”

She heard the rumble of his easy chuckle and his arms tightened around her. “It doesn’t happen that way all the time.”

“But it happens,” she replied excitedly. “You make that happen. I mean, all of you, make that happen for a living. That’s just…” She lifted her head and looked at him wordlessly. “I don’t even know what that is. It’s a gift, I guess.”

He lowered his head to kiss her warmly and pulled her close again, unable to keep the smile from his face. “Thank you. We forget the enthusiasm sometimes, why we do it. It’s been a long time since it hasn’t been on queue, I guess.”

“Just close your eyes and listen to yourselves when that happens then. I can still hear it, even now.”

Backstage was vibrant with noise and activity. Back-up dancers scrambled down the hall to get to the stage, crew hung around waiting for the show to be over so they could break down the set, hair dryers buzzed from various rooms, music blasted from all directions, along with warm-up notes and scales from the various singers. It was a hectic frenzy until she came to the group’s room. The door was closed, but she pushed it open and the noise level dropped. It was far from tranquil, but there weren’t as many people to make the noise and fuss that there was out in the hallway.

“Nick! Turn the shit down already!” Kevin bellowed and the room suddenly fell silent as Limp Bizkit was turned off.

“Anybody got any hair spray?” Brian called out.

She peered through the drapes surrounding the room and saw all five of the boys there. Kevin was sitting on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees and resting his head against his clasped hands as his hair fell over his face. Howie and AJ were playing some kind of video game. Brian was in front of a mirror, playing with some waves and Nick pouted behind him, holding a guitar.

Nick was the first one to see her and his eyes lit up. For a moment, she was taken aback just looking at him in person again. The last time she saw him, he was still a gawky teenager. Before he could say anything, she put a finger to her lips and tip toed behind Kevin, leaning over the couch to whisper in his ear. “Are you listening?”

His head snapped up and he turned quickly, his eyes slanted in annoyance at first until he saw who was talking to him. He blinked at her a moment and suddenly jumped up from the couch, reaching over to embrace her tightly. “How the heck did you get in here?” he asked excitedly.

“I have clout,” she laughed, crushed in his hold. “I also have the tee shirt.”

“The tee shirt?” he asked, pulling back from her.

She pulled the bottom of her shirt to straighten it out. ‘I fucked a Backstreet Boy’ was written in small white letters on a plain black tee shirt, amended by cutting the neck wider and the sleeves shorter. “I think I’m one of the few people that can wear this without lying,” she teased, leaning over to kiss him quickly.

“Now that’s just tacky,” AJ teased, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. She noticed the tattoos first before turning to greet him and the others, laughing. “Very poor taste.”

“Wearing it, or because I fucked a Backstreet Boy?” she teased in return, reaching out to slide her hand over Kevin’s arm gently. “I happen to wear it proudly to all the concerts I go to. I like to keep them guessing which one.”

“Who’s in the lead?” AJ asked.

“You are.”

“What’re you doing here?” Nick asked, sitting on the back of the couch.

“Heard you were in town and I had the night off. Thought I’d stop by to see if you could make me cry again.”

“Two minutes, gentlemen!” a voice called from the doorway.

“Hey, go to the hotel afterwards. Tell them you’re there to visit your cousin Eddie,” Nick told her. “It’s a madhouse here after the show and we have to make a quick getaway, but we’ll be there.”

“Will I get close?”

“Tell the doorman,” he said, kissing her cheek quickly before heading towards the door. “Cousin Eddie.”

The rest of them kissed her quickly and wandered out behind him, except for Kevin, who stayed standing where he was, a smile on his face. “So, you gonna come?”

“You want me to?” she asked, suddenly feeling shy.

He looked at her for another moment and nodded. “I want you to.”

“Then I’ll be there.” She smiled in return. “Who do I ask to see when I get inside?”

“Same story at the elevators. They’ll bring you up to our floor. I’m in 4111.”

“Go make me cry, Kev.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek gently, closing her eyes remembering the last time…could it already be four years ago?

It felt like the longest hallway ever made. Some people were roaming around, a few of them checking her out up and down before disappearing into another room. It was definitely more of a party happening than what she remembered them having a few years ago. Shaking her head, she smiled to herself. Most of them weren’t legal back then, she considered, so it couldn’t have been. But so much had changed in these last few years. So much, and yet, when she saw Kevin earlier, nothing had changed. Still beautiful, still intense, still the same gentle smile, still the same flip in her stomach when he looked at her – and everything changed.

His door was open a crack, and it wasn’t as bright as it was in the hallway. It was also a lot quieter to where it felt like when she knocked her hand was a sledgehammer. It wasn’t. He probably didn’t even hear it with the noises in the hallway, but rationality had no hold on her. “Hello?” she called.

“Hello?” he called, and his head poked out from the bathroom. “Oh, hey! Come on in! I’ll be out in a sec.”

She slipped through the door, feeling her heart pound. The air around her smelled sweet, she guessed, the soap from his shower. Her palms were starting to sweat and she suddenly felt perspiration under her arms, although she felt a little chilly. What had she heard? Imagine them naked if you were nervous…she’d seen him naked, and this still was not going to be easy. Especially if he kept walking around in a pair of fleece bottoms, rubbing his hair dry with a white hotel towel. It just seemed to create more of a contrast with his longer black hair…

“You realize you’re sex on a stick with your hair like that, right?” she found herself saying. He dropped the towel around his shoulder and cackled. Quickly, she covered her mouth with her hand and laughed. “Oh my God, I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

“It wouldn’t be you if you didn’t, but that’s okay. I’ll take the compliment,” he laughed. “And, matter of fact, yes, I do, which is the only reason why I have it because otherwise, it’s just a total pain in the ass.”

“Keep it a little longer,” she told him with a wink and a nod, completely stunned that she sounded as casual as she did. Part of her expected her voice to be shaking when she tried talking, but instead, the sarcastic playfulness was shining through.

“That’s the plan,” he answered, sitting on the small settee and putting his feet up on the coffee table. “I’m supposed to match the album or some such thing. Oh, hey, do you want anything? We’re fully stocked.” He motioned to the mini-fridge.

“Sure,” she said. As she moved over to it, he stood up and they met directly in front, suddenly feeling shy and awkward. “I’ll…um…just a beer is fine.” She stepped back and sat on the edge of one of the chairs pulled around the coffee table.

He handed her a can of beer after opening it and grabbed one for himself, along with a bottle of water. Most of the water he finished in a long gulp before setting in on the table and sipping the beer. “So…what have you been up to?”

“Not conquering the world,” she answered. “You’ve come a long way, baby.”

“That we have.” He nodded with an exaggerated motion, putting his feet back up on the table. She rested back a little more comfortably on the chair and put a foot up on the edge of the table.

“So, did we do it?” he asked curiously. “Did we make you cry?”

“That’s my secret.”

He moved again, and she realized he was probably still a little restless from the show, remembering how hard it was for them sometimes to come down from the adrenaline rush. And what she witnessed tonight wasn’t even half as frenzied as the other shows she’d seen years before. “So, things are going well with you? I saw your name on the press list. Rolling Stone, huh?”

“Freelance,” she corrected. “But that’s part of why I’m here. Just wanted to check in and see you all before I just showed up. I wasn’t sure if you paid that close attention to who was in the pressroom these days, or doing your photo shoots.”

“More important now than before. We’ve got our image to worry about.” She noticed he rolled his eyes with his comment, flashing another grin at her. “I skim the names on occasion, just in case.”

“Just in case some old lover was to come back?” she asked playfully, stretching her toe out to nudge his feet, silently amazed at the conversation they were having. How was this possible? The last time they saw each other, she screamed at him, he screamed at her, all about the Disney Princess coming to visit and him telling her she’d have to be ‘scarce’ while she was there. It wasn’t in her to do it that way, so instead, she left the tour in the middle of Germany and flew back home, but not without telling him to fuck himself. Now, she was sitting in some swanky hotel room on top of the world having a beer as if none of it ever happened. And he had the nerve to look better now than he did then…and she had been impressed then.

“Yeah, I guess,” he answered. “You look good, Katie. No more blue streak, huh?”

She reached up and touched her hair, shoulder length now, and chuckled. “Yeah…it was getting a little old. You missed it when it was orange.”

He cringed. “Oh, no…orange is not your color.”

“That’s what I was told,” she laughed. “So, it’s just…mine now.”

“Well, you look great, really great. It’s good to see you,” he said sincerely, studying her face for a moment. Something was different, and it wasn’t just the absence of the blue streak. It was something more, deeper than the nerves she was trying to push aside. “Everything else is okay?”

“Great,” she answered, a little more perky than she wanted to sound…a little too fake.

“Did you,” he pointed towards the door, “uh, get to see the fellas yet?”

“Some people were in the hallway, but I don’t think it was any of them. I can’t get over Nick! My God, he was just some tall, skinny pipsqueak with big ears last time I saw him! Look at him now! He’s almost…hot!”

“Almost?” he laughed, teasingly.

“Okay, he is, but still! It’s an amazing transformation. I never would have thought he’d fill out like he did. He looks like Mr. All American Football Star.”

“He’s All American something, that’s for sure. Let me go put a shirt on and we’ll make the rounds.”

“Oh, do you have to put a shirt on? The scenery is fine with me,” she teased. “I think the scenery is better than I remember, tell you the truth.”

His kiss was stronger than she remembered, and the muscles in arms felt harder around her as he pulled her closer. She pretended it was the alcohol, but she knew it wasn’t. From the second she saw him sitting on the couch at the venue, she craved him again, and there was no point in pretending otherwise. Feeling him slide inside of her, hearing his heavy breaths and groans with his thrusts…it was exactly what her mind had been trying to picture all night; looking up, seeing him poised over her and the shape of his body framed between her legs as he thrust inside of her deeper and deeper. It was wrong. There was no way to pretend otherwise, but it felt too good when he kissed her to protest, and her body seemed to remember his rhythm in an instant.

Kevin remembered that she pulled away after sex, but tonight, she curled up next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. But the one thing that didn’t change was her silence, and it was a little un-nerving to him. Up until about an hour ago, they’d been flirting, and laughing, and reminiscing – and now she was silent, curled up against him, naked and falling asleep. He slid an arm around her and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes. This was nice, though, having someone next to him. The emptiness and loneliness of being on to