Life For Rent
Page 5

She thought she had the whole thing planned out. She could go tell Kevin she was his nemesis. When Ray came home, she could tell him she went to the studio and caught him red-handed in his lie. There’s all the excuse she needed to break off the engagement. Her family wouldn’t mind. Her family didn’t like Ray and thought he was using her for her money anyway. She knew that’s what he was doing too, deep down, but somehow she’d managed to convince herself not to think about that. She managed to convince herself that he’d come around, hoped Ray would realize, one day, that hey, he really did love her and want her around.

But then she spent time with someone that did want her; not for money, or connections, or even because she had big breasts. Kevin said himself; he tried not to, but admitted she grew to be important to him. The voice in the back of her head was keenly aware and noticed he didn’t say he loved her, and she almost felt a relief about that, and she thought it odd that she felt guilty because of Kristin – not Ray.

Walking down the sidewalk, listening to her heels click on the cement and mingling with the rush of traffic, and voices around her, her mind was focused and spinning all at once. She’d ripped the band-aid off in one clean motion, and every part of her seemed to spill out from the exposed gaping wound. Relief, anger, sadness, joy, calm, panic – none of it came to her in any sense. It was entirely in fleeting fragments she could barely recognize before it became some other conflicting emotion. She did the right thing. She was cleaning up the mess she made, exposed her secret. And as she paused for the traffic light and looked up to the red hand lit in the crossing signal box, she knew with certainty that she ruined the one true happy thing she had in her life.

If that was true, the little green man would flick on in the traffic box. If it was false, the little red hand would stay lit until that taxi passed through the box in the middle of the intersection. But what kind of sign was it that the taxi that passed had an ad for Chicago, The Musical in the box on its roof? And when she looked, the little green man was indicating that she could walk. She missed the sign. She was always missing the signs, too distracted by the details around her.

When she went to take a step, she felt a hand on her elbow and jolted in shock to find Kevin standing next to her, fire behind his eyes and his jaw set sternly. “I really hate it when people walk away from an uncomfortable conversation,” he said, keeping his eyes forward, crossing the street with her.

She was speechless. What was he doing there? Why was he coming after her? “Where are you going?” she asked, looking up at him.

“Where we can talk,” he replied and she watched his jaw clench and release as they continued down the sidewalk. “Because I think it’s pretty damn unfair to lay that on me and walk out as if I deserve nothing better than that.”

“Deserve?”

“Yeah.” He glanced at her and headed forward without speaking until they were safely in his hotel room a few blocks from the studio. “Now, tell me what the hell is going on.” He sat down on the foot of the bed and folded his arms over his chest.

“Nothing.” She sounded like a grounded teenager, even to her, folding her arms like him. He only continued to look at her, lifting an eyebrow. “What? What do you want me to say?”

“What hell was that was all about back there. Why you felt the need to drop a bombshell like that on me and walk out as if I’ve hurt you somehow because I didn’t know, or didn’t react how you wanted me to… You knew it would have an impact, and you were able to prepare for it and expected me to embrace it immediately without question? Is that really fair, Anna? Really?”

“I don’t know if it’s fair. I just know that this is how it is, and this is who I am, and you have your beliefs…”

“That’s what I’m talkin’ about, Anna. Why are you pissed at me?”

“I’m not.”

“You don’t sound it. What’s going on, Anna? Why are you so pissed off then?”

“I’m not pissed off!”

“The hell you’re not!” Kevin raised his voice in return, almost chuckling at the absurdity. “Did you have a fight with Ray or something?”

“No!” she snapped, catching the sound of anger in her voice. “I don’t know!”

“PMS?”

She glared and wagged her finger at him. “You don’t value your life all that much do you? You never figured out that a woman can be pissed off without having it be hormones! I’m pissed off because I want to be.” She turned away and just looked up to the ceiling helplessly. “Because I’m tired of Ray treating me like some kind of burden! I’m tired of working for something that people hate me for – either it’s the company, or the money, or the family. I just…” She turned away and inhaled heavily. “I don’t even know anymore. I’m just tired of what all this has become!”

“All this what?”

She felt exhausted. Turning to look at him, she felt as if her entire body just wanted to drop with its weight. She lifted empty hands and shook her head. “I don’t even know anymore. I just want things to be different and I don’t have the slightest idea how to go about making it happen.”

He got up from the bed and walked over to her, wiping a tear from her cheek before enveloping her into his arms. “Shhh,” he murmured gently, “breathe. It’ll be fine.” She dropped her head against his chest and closed her eyes. “Your head gets to spinning so fast you can’t keep a single thought in there long enough to figure out what to do next when you get that worked up.” His voice was low and soft, directly in her ear. “Just take a deep breath and give yourself a minute.”

“Sounds like you’ve handled a few panic attacks in your time,” she mumbled, holding tight.

“I’ve seen my share of breakdowns.” He placed his hand on the back of her head and just continued to hold her. “Come on.” She was led to the bed and they laid down without saying a word. She remained in his arms, feeling as if she could take a deep breath for the first time all evening. It was so easy to hide with him, disappear in his arms, and just feel as if things were okay.

“Better?” he asked, smoothing her hair down her back slowly. She just nodded against his chest and inhaled. “Can we try again?” She nodded. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“Too much,” she sighed. “Not enough? I’m not sure. I’m just thinking too much about things that I don’t have any control over yet and wishing that it wasn’t now…but later so...”

He chuckled and put a finger over her mouth. “Okay, whoa…see? You’re doing it again. One thought at a time, baby, one at a time.”

She lifted her head and looked down into his deep concerned green eyes with a smile. “Which one comes first? Because if I keep looking at you like this I get distracted.”

“Distracted is good.” He smoothed the hair away from her face with both hands and brought her in for a kiss.

“And when you kiss me like that? Total distraction.”

“You need to be distracted from the sounds of things.” He kissed her again tenderly.

She pulled back and smiled curiously. “Aren’t you supposed to be working magic in the studio with someone’s mediocre music?”

“It’ll keep.” Her shirt slipped up over her head and tossed to the floor. “I’d rather be working some magic right about….here.”

He woke with a start, blinking at the light still burning from the bedside lamp. Anna laid beside him on her belly, her back, sleek and exposed had no hint of summer sun left. Her hair didn’t hold any highlights anymore. There was no sound of ocean waves from the window, or ocean breeze. No scent of sea, salt or suntan lotion, but he may as well be there. Lying with her next to him, satisfied and satiated brought it all back to him; driving in the car, watching her drive. He didn’t know it then, but he’d been hypnotized by the sun glistening in the water and reflecting over their bodies. In the dead of winter, he could hear seagulls in a New York hotel room.

“Anna,” he whispered, placing his hand gently on her back, kissing her shoulder. “I have to get back to the studio.” She grumbled and turned her head on the mattress. “Are you going to stay, or go back to your hotel?”

She curled her knees up and turned to face him with a sleepy smile crossing her lips. “Wow, wouldn’t that freak him out if I wasn’t there when he stumbles back in the morning expecting me to be concerned and worried, eh?”

He pulled his tee shirt from floor over his head and glanced over his shoulder at her. She was definitely not herself. She was always concerned about getting back when she was supposed to, worried that she’d give him a reason to guess what she was doing. Personally, he thought it would do Ray some good to worry, but she never let him worry, or wonder. Now, she was curling into the mattress and grinning slyly at him. “You sure that’s what you want to do? I mean, I don’t care if you hang, but I have to go get some work done.”

“I’m gonna hang.” She stretched across the mattress, sliding her hands under the pillow and virtually purred. “What time is it anyway?”

“About 11,” he answered, tugging on his jeans. “You really going to hang? You’ll be here when I get back?”

“Not sure, but I’m not rushing back to an empty hotel room and a cold bed. At least we managed to warm the sheets before I’m left alone in an empty hotel room.” She pulled up onto her elbows and tilted her chin up, accepting a quick kiss. “Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing.”

“ What the hell? Where the hell have you been, Anna? I’ve been calling your cell phone all night!” Ray strode across the hotel room and put his hands on her shoulders, shaking her. “You had me scared to death! Where the fuck were you?”

She pulled away and pushed against his chest with a hand. “I had you scared to death?” she snickered doubtfully. “Since when? How was the studio, Ray? Get a lot done? What time did you get there?”

“We’re not talking about me right now. Where the hell were you all night?”

She inhaled slowly and pulled the strap of her purse up onto her shoulder, watching Ray’s face. His lips were drawn tight, his eyes held fury, but she had a hard time believing it was because of worry. It was fear – not about her general well-being or safety – but that she’d move on and actually leave him. “I got tired of waiting for you and thought I’d go visit you at the studio,” she said. “Now, where were you? Because you weren’t there.”

The blood drained from his face and she could see him trying to figure it all out in his head. “You must have come by when I was out getting something to eat. Didn’t Kevin or anyone tell you?”

“How long were you eating?” she asked, tilting her head. He blinked, remaining quiet, and licked his lips nervously. She lifted her eyebrows expectantly. “Ray? How long were you gone? Didn’t anyone tell you that I had stopped by?”

“Sure…yeah. I said I tried calling you. You didn’t pick up your phone.”

“Ray, how long were you out eating?”

He waved a hand in her direction and turned his back on her. “That’s not important…”

“The hell it isn’t!” she interrupted, taking a step towards him, surprising him with her outburst. “Is it really going to take you this long to come up with some story I might believe? You’re getting sloppy, Ray. You weren’t at the studio. You never even went to the studio. You weren’t even going to go to the studio. I know it. You know it. Hell, everyone at the studio knows it. Most of New York probably knows it. So, come on…give me the pathetic story that I’m going to believe so you can still live off my paycheck and figure out ways for you to spend my inheritance.”

He turned around to face her, speechless. His eyes blinked rapidly and he opened his mouth slightly, but there were no words coming out as she stared expectantly at him, readjusting her purse strap. It seemed like hours instead of seconds before he replied, “Where are you getting this stuff from, Anna? Is that what you think of me? Really?”

She crossed her arms and lifted a shoulder slightly. “What if it is?” she challenged. Part of her wanted to laugh at his surprise. She had been a doormat for so long, he never expected this from her. He never expected to have to answer for his actions and she wasn’t backing down. “How long were you eating, Ray? Why won’t you answer me? I’ll make it easier, what time did you go?”

“I don’t know! I wasn’t watching the fuckin’ clock, Anna! What the hell is up with you? You’ve been gone all night. I’ve been frantic trying to find you and you’re going to give me a hard time?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “I am. Because if I don’t start getting some answers, I’m calling my father to go to my house and pack your things to leave them out on the sidewalk.” She reached into her bag and pulled out her cell phone. “And would you look at that? There’s not one missed call.” She turned her phone for him to see the screen. “What’s my cell phone number, Ray?”

“You’re on speed dial. I don’t have the number memorized.”

“Where’s your phone?” She walked over to the table and looked around the papers. She pressed her speed dial button and listened, not hearing a ring anywhere in the room and moments later his voicemail message. “Let me guess, you tried calling so much that your battery ran out, right?”

“What has gotten into you, Anna? Come on, Baby…it’s been a long night, huh?” He reached his hand out to her but she remained firm and just blinked at him.

“You have five minutes before I call my father.”

“Alright!” He sank into a chair, looking dejected and apologetic. “I’m sorry, baby. You’re right. I didn’t go to the studio. I met Vinnie down in the Village and we hung out and before I knew it, it was late—“

“Want to try again? Vinnie’s in Cincinnati with his new job. I talked to Megan.” She crossed the room to stand directly in front of him. “You are beyond busted, Ray. And I am beyond tired of this whole game. I don’t need to call my father. I called him earlier this morning. I’m kicking you out.”

“Whoa, baby! What do you mean? Look, I’m sorry—I know I’ve not always been there for you but—“

“When was the last time you touched me?” she interrupted. “When was the last time you wanted to have sex with me? The last time you came to me?”

“We just….” He hesitated and she smirked at him. “Well, we’ve both been so busy with work.”

“Not that busy, Ray. Let me help you out, okay? We haven’t had sex in three months.”

Ray dropped his jaw in mock surprise and shook his head. “No…it can’t be!”

“It can be and it has been. But that hasn’t kept either one of us from having sex, though, has it?” She cocked her head to the side. “Count your blessings, Ray, that I’m letting you off the hook because right now, I could easily trap you for the rest of your life.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That means that I’m two months pregnant with someone else’s baby and if I wanted to, I could claim it was yours and you probably wouldn’t have thought any differently because in your mind, no one was ever going to look twice at me. I’m not pretty enough, or thin enough, or smart enough, right?” When Ray opened his mouth to protest she simply lifted her hand. “Don’t even try to deny it. I was there the whole time. I listened to it and the scariest part was that I think I believed you until this past year. This past year, there have been people who paid attention to me, thought I was smart and attractive. And if it wasn’t for him, I may have gone on and given you the rest of my life. Isn’t that sad?” She wrinkled her forehead at him, not even feeling the anger that tinged her voice. “It’s just sad. But I’m not going to do that. My baby isn’t going to have that kind of father.”

“You’re—“ Ray sat forward, confused and shocked.

“Are you surprised that I’m pregnant, or that someone else found me interesting enough to spend time with me?” she asked. She waved her hand at him moments later. “Know what? I don’t even care. I just want you out.” She went to him and leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I really do wish you the best of luck, Ray. You have talent. I hope you use that as well as you’ve used me.”

“You can’t just—go off and say that and—what the hell, Anna?”

“I can, and I did. Think about it, Ray, do you really want to pretend to be a daddy to someone else’s baby?”

“I don’t believe you.” He said frankly. “I think you’re playin’ me, trying to freak me out because I lied to you. Look, I’m sorry.”

“No, Ray, I’ve really been screwing around on you. Like I said, it if wasn’t for him, I may have stuck it out, but even if he isn’t the love of my life he managed to show me that I can do better. I can do better.” She went over to the closet and pulled out her suitcase, pulling the handle up. “Feel free to hang out, the room’s been paid for the rest of the week. Your stuff will be put into storage and I’ll have the key sent here so you have it and know where it all is.” She pulled out her phone and dropped it on the bed. “And don’t bother trying to contact me. Its been turned off.”

“Anna!” She waited by the door and looked at him expectantly, feeling as though the suitcase was the only thing holding her down. This is freedom, her head screamed. You’re free. You’re done. She tried hard to suppress the smile she felt growing as Ray stared in disbelief at her. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Game over, Ray. You have to work for a living now. Sorry.”

“I waited all this time for you? I put up with all your family crap for all these freakin’ years and you’re going to dump me?”

“Why’d you put up with my family crap in the first place, Ray? What were you waiting for? You think I don’t know? Well, it came and went – and you were dumb enough to go out and celebrate without me. That’s where you were last night, wasn’t it? Celebrating my inheritance. My 28th birthday. And you had the nerve to leave me sitting alone in a hotel room—thinking that I wasn’t going to notice, or mind? My birthday present to me is dumping you. And it may just be the best birthday present I’ve ever given myself. I’m trying to keep it polite, okay? I’m trying not to be angry or bitter or throw some kind of fit.”

“Angry? I get stuck with you for seven years and just when its time for a payoff, you decide to dump me? Do you know how many other chicks I could have had?” He yelled, pointing a finger at her.

“What do you mean could have had? You had! You had plenty and then some! And you actually believe that I didn’t know about them? That I thought you were working late? Out with friends? Out eating? You’re a bigger ass than I am if you believe you were discreet about it. So, okay, yeah, here’s your payback for treating me like shit for the last seven years. You wasted your time – but managed to avoid working, paying rent, buying food, clothes, making car payments while your time was wasted with me. Sorry you don’t get to spend my inheritance on some cheap slut and partying, but I think you got enough of a free ride.”

“You c—“

She let the door close behind her before anything more was said. Getting in the elevator, she leaned back against the wall and watched the smile spread across her face as the doors closed.

She checked her bank account from Kevin’s hotel room and it was all there in her new account. Her inheritance had been transferred. She called her father told him she was quitting. She told him she was dumping Ray, and the house needed to be cleaned out. No, she didn’t want anything from the house. She wasn’t coming home for a while, and that she’d be in touch. Afterwards, she bought a plane ticket, erased all the numbers she had stored, cancelled her cell phone account, and simply walked away.

Ray pushed through the door and immediately put his hands on Kevin’s chest and shoved him back. “Thanks for having my fucking back, man!”

Kevin shoved Ray in return and took a step forward. “Watch yourself,” he warned.

“You said you’d watch my back!”

“When? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Last night! Anna came by? You were supposed to tell her I stepped out! She said no one said anything! No one called me to say she came by! She’s pissed beyond pissed! She’s kicked me out, man! She fucking dumped me! Can you believe that shit? All this time I’ve been waiting around for her to get her fucking inheritance and when she gets it she dumps me for cheating on her! And get this! She’s been screwing around on me for who the fuck knows how long!”

Kevin felt the air catch in his lungs. Ray was furious, ranting and walking around the small sound booth with his arms flailing telling his story. Anna kicked him out? Anna dumped him? Is that why she was so full of bravado last night? She’d been planning on confronting him? She couldn’t have told him who she was cheating on him with if Ray was still talking to him.

“And she tells me she’s fucking pregnant with the fuck’s baby! Can you imagine if she tried to pass it off as mine? Shit, maybe it’s better she left. But damn it! Dude, we have to get this album out now. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t have any kind of real income. What the hell—“

Pregnant? She’s having a baby?

“—sorry I pushed you, man. I was just so pissed off.”

“Is she going to be okay, Ray? I mean, this doesn’t sound like Anna—the way you’ve talked about her, you know?”

“Well, apparently, I didn’t know Anna all that well if she’s been off screwing some other guy. Who knows, maybe more than one! At least I know I don’t have to feel so guilty about what I’ve done to her if she’s been doing it right back. Who the hell would have thought it, eh?”

“Thought what? That she’d have an affair?”

“Yeah! Exactly! Fat fucking cow that she was! The only thing she ever had going for her was that her daddy was rich. It’s not like she was anything to look at. But I stuck it out with her. I put up with all my friends raggin’ on me for screwin’ that—and this is how she thanks me?”

“Dude, it wasn’t my place to say anything, but it was bound to happen with the way you talked to her. And I didn’t think she was all that fat, man.”

“You didn’t have to sleep with her. You got yourself a babe. Someone like you probably never had to bag an ugly chick in your life.”

“You don’t have to either. I doubt she was holding a gun to your head. You were just lazy and greedy thinking she’d never get tired of being treated like that.”

“Who the hell are you to tell me what we had? You weren’t there. You weren’t part of it. You knew Anna for like, a week! You don’t know what the hell I was doing! And where do you get off talking to me like that?”

“Yeah, you’re right—“ Kevin stepped back and put his hands up feeling his stomach churning. None of this was making sense. He couldn’t actually be standing there having this argument with Ray. But he’d be damned if he was going to say the word ‘sorry’ to him. He wasn’t sorry. Ray was an ass. He had treated Anna like crap. And now she was pregnant? Was she really, or was she just saying that so Ray would run far away? He had to call her. He had to get out of this room and call her. “Look, why don’t you take the day off – regroup – and we’ll get back to this tomorrow.”

He pulled out his cell phone as soon as the door closed and he dialed Anna’s number. There was no answer, not even a voice mail came on. The message simply said ‘the Verizon customer you’re trying to reach is not available…’ She had a message yesterday. He knew she wasn’t home yet – she just left this morning. He took a chance and just left a message on the cell phone and sat back staring at the phone sitting on the soundboard.

She wasn’t going to call. She was gone and he wasn’t going to know the truth.

###

Anna smiled, handing the bag over to her customer. “Enjoy it,” she said, putting the receipt into the register. The bell tingled and when she looked up, Kevin stood in the shop, frozen and staring back at her. Her first thought was to run, followed by wanting to run to him, followed by shaky nervousness and guilt. “What are you doing here?” she asked, coming around from the counter and smiling.

“I’m…vacation,” he said, breaking into a smile and opening his arms out to hug her. “You work here?”

“I’m the owner,” she chuckled. “I finally found that beach I always wanted.” He looked good. He was tanned, and muscular and his hair was short again, slight stubble growing as if he hadn’t shaved in a few days. “How are you?”

“You disappeared,” he said, suddenly serious. “Ray said you…that you were pregnant.”

She forced a laugh and shook her head. “I just wanted to scare him off. I knew if I dumped him he’d try to hang around for the money, but if there was a baby, he’d run the other way. I was right.”

“Yeah, you were.” He smiled awkwardly, biting his lips together. “Why didn’t you call me? At least tell me?”

“Clean break, Kev. From everyone and everything. I needed to leave and get the hell out of there. I haven’t even been back.”

“I tried to find you, you know,” he said, glancing over his shoulder. “Just to see if…you know, you were okay.”

“Kris is with you, isn’t she?” She smiled, touching his arm gently. “It’s alright, Kev. Everything is fine. Better than fine. I have this place now. I work when I want to work, and go for long walks on the beach, and watch the sunsets. 30% of my profits go to local charities, 20% goes to environmental charities. It’s a good life down here. I’m finally happy, Kevin. And I owe a lot of it to you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you helped me see that I deserved better.”

“Oh…”

She leaned over and kissed his cheek gently. “Thank you.” She headed back towards the counter. “So what about you? How are you doing?”

“We’re great,” he said. “We’re having a baby. She’s due in about three months, so we came down for a quick break – to get away from things before,” he chuckled, “all hell breaks loose. Our hotel recommended that we visit the island before we head back, so we saved it for the last day.”

“That’s great news, Kevin. Congratulations. You must be so excited.”

“We are.” He smiled and tilted his head. “You look amazing. This life agrees with you. You always seemed more alive in the sun and on the beach than you did in the city, you know?”

“I am more alive.”

“Kevin?” Kristin walked in the door, pregnant and glowing and she broke into a smile seeing Anna. “Wow…Anna, right?” She kissed Anna’s cheek and stood next to Kevin, taking his hand. “What are you doing here?”

“I own the place,” Anna said, opening her arms. “Congratulations to you! Kevin was just telling me the news.”

She managed to carry on small talk and smile, feeling awkward. Guilt didn’t bother her until she saw Kristin, pregnant and happy and holding Kevin’s hand. They were a natural couple. She never considered herself as Kevin’s girlfriend, or assumed they’d ever be a couple, but she never thought of Kevin going home to be with Kristin. His wife, yeah, but she didn’t allow herself to put Kristin’s face in there. And she didn’t allow herself to think of Kevin going home to his wife either. She knew that having an affair meant she needed to be selfish and not consider where they go when they leave. Now she was forced to face where he went, and what he did.

“Well, look,” she said, handing them beach towels, “take these – a gift from me – and you kids go have fun! It was great to see you both.”

As the door closed, Anna turned just in time for the side door to open. A woman came through the door holding the hand of a toddler. She wore a yellow sundress and child sunglasses, her dark hair pulled into a ponytail on the top of her head, and she burst into giggles seeing Anna, and ran over to her.

The End…