Oreos
for Breakfast - Chapter 3
By
The Paperbag Princess and The Pumpkin
Coach
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Date: July 3, 2001, 2:07 PM
From: Nick
To: Rachel
Subject: Voicemail fullYour voicemail is full. You are a popular woman.
All those broken hearts you've left across the country? 'Oh, Rachel, I neeeeeeeddddd you…'
But you probably don't give out your real number to cheap meaningless sex, do you?
Anyway, I called because the Go-Gos are on my TV, they're pop girls who play guitars, doesn't that shoot your theory all to hell?
Nick
Date: July 3, 2001, 3:11 PM
From: Nick
To: Rachel
Subject: Whatcha doing?You can't still be meeting with EMI, can you?
How'd it go? Did you get to fight with A&R? Did graphics like my drawings? (Bet Jeremy doesn't let you use them, huh?)
I put Bayley on the list for tonight, think she'll come? She said she'd come last night, but she was a little drunk.
Nick.bored.
Date: July 3, 2001, 9:45 PM
From: Rachel
To: Nick
Subject: Re: Voicemail full>Your voicemail is full. You are a popular woman.
My number is our business number, too. Been a long day on no sleep.
NONE. As in I haven't slept in about 48 hours. All your fault.
>All those broken hearts you've left across the country? 'Oh, Rachel, I neeeeeeeddddd you…'
that is actually the exact msg that Jeff left me. He's the lead singer of Tsar, our opening act.
OUR OPENING ACT!
I never get to say that.
::bounce::
>But you probably don't give out your real number to cheap meaningless sex, do you?
I don't, actually. That's rock star rule #1, isn't it?
>Anyway, I called because the Go-Gos are on my TV, they're pop girls who play guitars, doesn't that shoot your theory all to hell?
No, because the Go-Go's are a girl *group*. The balance of power is ok because there are no guys present. This even works if there's only one guy (see: Hole, Elastica). But if there are more guys than girls, then the guys have to play guitar. If a girl plays guitar, there needs to be indie cred involved, which generally means fewer showers, depressing songs and no airplay.
Rache
Date: July 3, 2001, 9:55 PM
From: Rachel
To: Nick
Subject: Re: Whatcha doing?>You can't still be meeting with EMI, can you?
Let's see… yes. Bayley and James and I sat in the park until about 5, then went to her favorite diner and had about 12 gallons of coffee. James and I left Philly a little after six, hit the city right before 9, showered and were only 10 minutes late to our meeting with EMI. We conference called with our tour manager.
TOUR MANAGER!!!!
Her name is Lola.
IT'S A HER!!!!
We talked to her until about 1, had lunch on EMI, then had to meet with A&R to discuss what the new single is going to be. It's 'Come On,' which we won after a fight. They want a new song and 'Get Another Boyfriend' for b-sides. Do you think that's tacky? I sorta like it, Jeremy is all whine whine WHINE artistic integrity whine whine WHINE.
We got out of EMI at 5. James and I came home and ordered a pizza and I called my mom. He's asleep, I'm too wired to sleep. Could be the ocean's worth of coke and coffee I've consumed today.
Oh, hey, we found one of your old tour riders online today. http://www.smokingun.com they have a bunch up there, we were doing, uh, research. Yours must be old, there are only two tour buses for the Boys and no junk food in the dressing room! Is that true? What the hell is up with that? Like Lou fucking Perlman never had a Cheeto.
>I put Bayley on the list for tonight, think she'll come? She said she'd come last night, but she was a little drunk.
Did she? She said she would at 6am, she was supposed to see who you were flirting with for me.
Rache
Date: July 4, 2001, 2:25 am
From: Nick
To: Rachel
Subject: Re: Re: Voicemail fullI just attempted to enter the chat room on our site. Remind me not to do that again. It was a virtual mob scene, with no Frank to protect me. I did get a bunch of phone numbers, though. If you keep rejecting me, I might be forced to call one of them.
>NONE. As in I haven't slept in about 48 hours. All your fault.
How is that my fault? *You* are the one that took *me* out drinking, remember?
>>All those broken hearts you've left across the country? 'Oh, Rachel, I neeeeeeeddddd you…'
>that is actually the exact msg that Jeff left me. He's the lead singer of Tsar, our opening act.
Why would he leave that msg?
>OUR OPENING ACT!
>I never get to say that.
>::bounce::did I ever tell you how cute you are?
>>But you probably don't give out your real number to cheap meaningless sex, do you?
>I don't, actually. That's rock star rule #1, isn't it?I think its like the first 5 or 6.
> If a girl plays guitar, there needs to be indie cred involved, which generally means fewer showers, depressing songs and no airplay.
You have some depressing songs. And (unfortunately) no airplay. Is it the showers that prevent you from having indie cred?
Nick
Date: July 4, 2001, 2:35 am
From: Nick
To: Rachel
Subject: Re: Re: Whatcha doing?>Let's see… yes. Bayley and James and I sat in the park until about 5,
what were you doing in the park until 5? I have a perfectly fine hotel room just across the street.
>TOUR MANAGER!!!!
>Her name is Lola.
>IT'S A HER!!!!I think I mentioned before that you are very cute. Welcome to being a proper rock star, Rache. Why is a her cool, though?
>We talked to her until about 1, had lunch on EMI, then had to meet to discuss what the new single is going to be. It's 'Come On,' which we won after a fight. They want a new song and 'Get Another Boyfriend' for b-sides. Do you think that's tacky? I sorta
I don't think it's tacky. Jive let your friends do 'Larger than Life,' I'll make sure they let you do it. They will, it's money for them either way. ::grumble:: Forget that last comment, I love the record company. ;-)
>like it, Jeremy is all whine whine WHINE artistic integrity whine whine WHINE.
When do I get to meet the rest of your band?
Do I want to meet Jeremy? He hates boybands, doesn't he?
>We got out of EMI at 5. James and I came home and ordered a pizza and I called my mom. He's asleep, I'm too wired to sleep. Could be the ocean's worth of coke and coffee I've consumed today.
I'm on tour time. Slept until one, in my very comfortable hotel room. Which I did invite you to join me in last night. We had dinner after the show and I drank too much iced tea. So I do stupid things like try to chat with fans. Why are they all online at 2am, anyway?
>Oh, hey, we found one of your old tour riders online today. http://www.smokingun.com they have a bunch up there, we were doing, uh, research.
What kind of research? Did you ask for lots of ridiculous stuff in your rider? What was it, no brown in the hotel rooms and your very own harem?
>Yours must be old, there are only two tour buses for the Boys and no junk food in the dressing room! Is that true? What the hell is up with that? Like Lou fucking Perlman never had a Cheeto.
I just checked, that one is pretty old. We still don't have much junk food in the dressing room. We get plenty of junk from other sources. I think my mom wrote half of that one, she always wanted to make sure that we got all our vitamins. Lou didn't like Cheetos. At least I never saw him eat one.
>>I put Bayley on the list for tonight, think she'll come? She said she'd come last night, but she was a little drunk.
>Did she? She said she would at 6am,She did, but I didn't get to talk to her. She got to the venue too late to come backstage, and then I couldn't tell her the secret password to get let into the hotel. She and her cute friend were in the pit, tho, looked like they were having fun.
>she was supposed to see who you were flirting with.
Checking up on me?
Nick
Date: July 4, 2001, 3:37 am
From: Nick
To: Rachel
Subject: you can find anything on the internetSince you're not awake for me to bug, I decided to see what's online about you.
I stumbled across the fact that Dan Abnormal is actually Damon Albarn. His name sounded familiar, so I had to figure out who the hell Damon Albarn is. He's the lead singer for Blur. Em Evesham is married to one of the guys in Blur, Alex James. (Which I only know because she calls AJ her second favorite Alex James. That is, when she isn't flirting with Kevin.) So, is that how you got Em to do your cover photo and those pictures of all the other band on your site? (Why, btw, isn't your picture on the site?) So, is this Damon guy the reason you've had bad experiences with band boys?
I am much cuter than him.
Nick.The cute one.
Date: July 4, 2001, 10:05 PM
From: Rachel
To: Nick
Subject: Happy FourthWhat did you do today? Bay tells me lots of cool things happening in Philly, Declaration of Independence, blah blah blah. My mom came down and we saw the fireworks and talked about my new exciting rock star life. She just left and we're leaving at 1am for Providence, in a vain attempt to miss holiday traffic.
>I just attempted to enter the chat room on our site. Remind me not to do that again. It was a virtual mob scene, with no Frank to protect me. I did get a bunch of phone numbers, though. If you keep rejecting me, I might be forced to call one of them.
Call away, sweetie! I want that tour bus!
>>NONE. As in I haven't slept in about 48 hours. All your fault.
>How is that my fault? *You* are the one that took *me* out drinking, remember?James says it's your fault because if you had been answering your phone, we wouldn't have had to come and find you.
Actually, I blame James now, because I think he just wanted to collect on the bet to kiss you.
>>>All those broken hearts you've left across the country? 'Oh, Rachel, I neeeeeeeddddd you…'
>>that is actually the exact msg that Jeff left me. He's the lead singer of Tsar, our opening act.
>Why would he leave that msg?Because Jeff lurves me. And I lurve him.
Its gonna be a fun tour.
>>OUR OPENING ACT!
>>I never get to say that.
>>::bounce::
>did I ever tell you how cute you are?I thought *you* were the cute one!
>>>But you probably don't give out your real number to cheap meaningless sex, do you?
>>I don't, actually. That's rock star rule #1, isn't it?
>I think its like the first 5 or 6.See, we couldn't have cheap meaningless sex, we already have the phone numbers.
>You have some depressing songs. And (unfortunately), no airplay. Is it the showers that prevent you from having indie cred?
We are in a weird space, indie cred wise. We play the music business game a little too well to be truly indie, but not well enough to be truly pop. And I play guitar, so that fucks us all up. They tell us they're going to push us as pop now, and I caved and told them I wouldn't play my guitar in the video, but only because none of us are playing an instrument in the video and Em's directing it and I trust her.
Rache
Date: July 4, 2001, 10:12 PM
From: Rachel
To: Nick
Subject: Re: Re: Whatcha doing?>>Let's see… yes. Bayley and James and I sat in the park until about 5,
>what were you doing in the park until 5? I have a perfectly fine hotel room just across the street.Yeah yeah yeah.
> Why is a her cool, though?
Because I have been touring for the last million years with smelly boys!!! I am tired of boys! I haven't even met Lola yet and we totally hit it off on the phone. We can do each other's nails and giggle about boys!
Ok, I do that with James already. Still not the same.
>I don't think it's tacky. Jive let your friends do 'Larger than Life,' I'll make sure they let you do it.
That's not the problem, it's the whole fricking artistic integrity, we shouldn't be using someone else's celebrity to get airplay, blah blah BLAH.
So how much money do you get if we cover it? Is it a down payment on the tour bus? Can we work out a trade? ;-)
>>like it, Jeremy is all whine whine WHINE artistic integrity whine whine WHINE.
>When do I get to meet the rest of your band?Umm…
::checking backstreet.net- totally cool site, btw, have you seen it?::
why the HELL are you guys in Boston for a fricking WEEK?
This Saturday is the last night of this tour for us. In Boston. You've got a show, tho. We open for Rufus at 8, then have another gig across town at eleven something. If you're still on tour time, you could come.
>Do I want to meet Jeremy? He hates boybands, doesn't he?
Kevin says you're a 'male vocal group,' better watch it!
And… dunno if you need to meet Jeremy or not. He's a long story.
>So I do stupid things like try to chat with fans. Why are they all online at 2am, anyway?
Well, sweetie, its not 2am everywhere. And you were online at 2am!
>What kind of research? Did you ask for lots of ridiculous stuff in your rider? What was it, no brown in the hotel rooms and your very own harem?
Not really ridiculous. We're only playing small venues, after all. We want real wine glasses, Cheetos and fresh veggies. That's me, James and Darien. What did Jeremy want… oh, condoms. ::rolling eyes::
I'll wait until we're headlining stadiums to insist on the brown stuff, and in the meantime, I'll just collect the harem on my own.
>I just checked, that one is pretty old. We still don't have much junk food in the dressing room. We get plenty of junk from other sources. I think my mom wrote half of that one, she always wanted to make sure that we got all our vitamins. Lou didn't like Cheetos. At least I never saw him eat one.
Aw, your mom wrote your tour rider! That is too fucking cute.
No wonder I hate Lou. Can't trust a man who doesn't like Cheetos.
>She did, but I didn't get to talk to her. She got to the venue too late to come backstage, and then I couldn't tell her the secret password to get let into the hotel. She and her cute friend were in the pit, tho, looked like they were having fun.
She told me the show was great, and said thanks for the tickets- if she'd known you were giving her the full royal treatment, she would have showed up earlier.
>>she was supposed to see who you were flirting with.
>Checking up on me?Hey, its sorta fun having a Backstreet Boy crushed out on me! I need to know who my competition is.
Rache
Date: July 4, 2001, 11:55 PM
From: Nick
To: Rachel
Subject: Re: Happy FourthYou were just writing me email, why are you not answering your phone????
I did notice that you didn't respond to one particular email. It was about Damon Albarn, did you get it?
>What did you do today? Bay tells me lots of cool things happening in Philly, Declaration of Independence, blah blah blah. My mom came down and we saw the
Missed it. We played softball. They keep arranging softball games for us. I hate softball. I suck at it. I can't catch, and I throw like a girl. And we're all annoyed with each other, so it gets really stupid and competitive. You should have called me, I had my phone with me.
Altho half the time I was in the outfield, I was on the phone with Tiffani. That's the girlfriend. The now ex. You're right, I am a lousy boyfriend, and she told me so. Over and over and over again.
As you would say about Jeremy, blah blah BLAH whine whine WHINE.
>fireworks and talked about my new exciting rock star life. She just left and we're leaving at 1am for Providence, in a vain attempt to miss holiday traffic.
Did you leave early? Answer your cell phone, I'm bored! Or I might be forced to find more online gossip about you.
>Call away, sweetie! I want that tour bus!
But I thought you liked having a Backstreet Boy crushed out on you?
>Actually, I blame James now, because I think he just wanted to collect on the bet to kiss you.
Much better! Blame James! He enjoyed that kiss entirely too much. Then again, I think I noticed you enjoying kissing me, too… I must be good.
>Because Jeff lurves me. And I lurve him.
>Its gonna be a fun tour.Should I be looking him up online, and seeing if he's another band boy you had problems with?
>I thought you were the cute one!
That's what all our press says.
>See, we couldn't have cheap meaningless sex, we already have the phone numbers.
Then we have to have expensive meaningful sex?
>We are in a weird space, indie cred wise. We play the music business game a little too well to be truly indie, but not well enough to be truly pop. And I play guitar, so that fucks us all up. They tell us they're going to push us as pop now, and I caved and told them I wouldn't play my guitar in the video, but only because none of us are playing an instrument in the video and Em's directing it and I trust her.
Em's directing? Em fucking Evesham? We've asked her a million times to direct our videos, and she always says no. She's only done, like, three. EMI must love you!
Nick, still the Cute One. At least cuter than that Damon guy with the bad teeth. Did you get that email?
Date: July 5, 2001, 12:12 PM
From: Nick
To: Rachel
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whatcha doing?>Because I have been touring for the last million years with smelly boys!!! I am tired of boys! I haven't even met Lola yet and we totally hit it off on the phone. We can do each others nails and giggle about boys!
I never would have pegged you for a girly girl, Rache.
>Ok, I do that with James already. Still not the same.
Did you compare kissing me? For the record, I enjoyed it more with you.
>That's not the problem, it's the whole fricking artistic integrity, we shouldn't be using someone else's celebrity to get airplay, blah blah BLAH.
I'm hearing Jeremy there. And to answer your question, the cost of covering our song so does not make a down payment on my lovely, luxurious tour bus. But I'm more than happy to work out a trade….
>::checking backstreet.net- totally cool site, btw, have you seen it?::
some of our fans have too much time on their hands. We pay people to update our official site and they're not as up to date as bsb.net
>why the HELL are you guys in Boston for a fricking WEEK?
No idea. This is a good week, tho, three days in Philly, a week in Boston. Only problem is tomorrow. Hershey, PA. They're opening the park for us after the show, though, that is so cool. Sometimes it's a nice bubble. But we get to ride the roller coasters and then drive allllll the way to Boston.
>This Saturday is the last night of this tour for us. In Boston. You've got a show, tho. We open for Rufus at 8, then have another gig across town at midnight. If you're still on tour time, you could come.
I'm on tour time, I'm coming. Where is it? AJ might want to come, he's all into you guys now.
>Kevin says you're a 'male vocal group,' better watch it!
Kevin annoys the hell outa me.
>And… dunno if you need to meet Jeremy or not. He's a long story.
He got kicked out for a while, what happened there?
You need more fans like ours, you only have three websites and none of them have enough gossip. Or pictures! Where are your embarrassing baby Rachel photos?
>>So I do stupid things like try to chat with fans. Why are they all online at 2am, anyway?
>Well, sweetie, its not 2am everywhere. And you were online at 2am!I sometimes get freaked out that every minute of the day, someone somewhere is talking about me.
>Not really ridiculous. We're only playing small venues, after all. We want real wine glasses, Cheetos and fresh veggies. That's me, James and Darien. What did Jeremy want… oh, condoms. ::rolling eyes::
Isn't Darien the one with the regional girlfriends?
>I'll wait until we're headlining stadiums to insist on the brown stuff, and in the meantime, I'll just collect the harem on my own.
I volunteer to be the first!
>Aw, your mom wrote your tour rider! That is too fucking cute.
Shut up! She was looking out for the other guys, too.
>No wonder I hate Lou. Can't trust a man who doesn't like Cheetos.
I like Cheetos!
>>She told me the show was great, and said thanks for the tickets- if she'd known you were giving her the full royal treatment, she would have showed up earlier.
Of course I'm giving her the royal treatment! She has to report back to you and tell you how sweet and nice and wonderful I am!
>Hey, its sorta fun having a Backstreet Boy crushed out on me! I need to know who my competition is.
There was this cute blond girl in the bar last night…
Nick, still the Cute One
Date: July 5, 2001, 2:15 am
From: Nick
To: Rachel
Subject: Incredibly boredI may have hit the end of all information about you online. I know how many albums you have, the lyrics to every song, and that you used to date Damon Albarn. Sometime around when you wrote "Long Island". But no one can tell me how long you dated him. You opened for Blur, but "Long Island" came out the next year, so I'm not sure what happened there.
There are no reports of you with Jeff from Tsar, but then there's not much about Tsar. They really like us, don't they?
I find it really unfair that you can find my baby pictures and incredibly embarrassing early recordings on line and I can find no good dirt on you.
I suppose I will go to bed now.
Nick
Date: July 5, 2001, 11:55 am
From: Rachel
To: Nick
Subject: Hershey?Buy me chocolate!
Date: July 5, 2001, 2:55 PM
From: Nick
To: Rachel
Subject: Re: Hershey?What kind?
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