Oreos For Breakfast: Nick Fanfic

Oreos for Breakfast
Chapter 8

By The Paperbag Princess and The Pumpkin Coach

I managed to pout for most of dinner, but at nine, I knew they'd be taking the stage, and I couldn't get here fast enough. Shit, we'd had that fight around six, was she still mad? Had I waited too long? Because my name wasn't on the guest list, and the show was sold out. I could hear her singing, we were late. This was about the fourth song in, and it was nearly over. We'd wasted a song fighting with the annoying guy who said I wasn't on the list!

Howie leaned over my shoulder. "Try Howard Dorough."

The guy behind the counter glanced at the list again and looked up with a smirk. "Sorry."

I could tell that he knew who we were, and he was just loving it that he didn't have to let the Backstreet Boys into the show. I wanted to leap across the counter and strangle him.

"Sweet Howie D.," Howie said, and the guy glared, handing us three tickets without another word. Frank took them and I could tell he was trying not to laugh. "Are you on there with a nickname, then?" Howie asked me as the guy stamped his hand.

"No, I- well, I usually just get in with her, ya know?"

The guy at the door asked for ID, and I fumbled for my wallet. "Ah, now you're slummin' it, hey, Nicky?"

I looked at my ticket. Were we even VIP? We must be, she put Howie on the list. The guy stamped my hand and handed me a VIP pass. I had a couple now, they were the most obnoxious VIP passes ever, bright pink. They had the band name and 'ALL ACCESS' in huge black letters, but at the bottom, in tiny print it said 'yeah, you wish you were this cool'.

Rachel told me this was the first tour where they got their own passes, and didn't mooch off the headliners. I told her it showed.

Please let me tell her that again. Please let her have forgiven me for saying all those horrible things about her and Jeremy. I didn't care about their history, I just wanted her to love me again.

I looked up to the balcony for the millionth time that evening - and he was there.

My heart caught in my throat and I looked down at my guitar, concentrating intently on the notes to "Minneapolis," which I could play in my sleep. What was he doing here? He was supposed to be out with Howie, because I was mad at him. He'd been stupid and petty and immature, and I was mad at him.

Then why was I so happy that he was up there in the balcony, bouncing around and singing along with my song?

I looked up again, I couldn't help it. The Tsar boys were standing at the edge of the balcony, but Jeff grabbed Nick and pushed him up the railing. My song was over, the next one was Jeremy, and so I went over to James' side to see Nick better.

"Sorry," he mouthed, giving me a pleading, puppy dog look of apology.

Oh, sweet Jesus, he was too cute to be mad at.

She grinned at me and I nearly fell over the balcony railing to get to her. That made her giggle, and she went back to her mic to sing the backup line. Howie punched my shoulder. "See?" He yelled in my ear over the noise of the show. "Apologize. It works."

"Yes, I will always listen to you from now on." Not. He rolled his eyes at me.

"Howie!" Jeff shrieked. "We get two Boys tonight?"

Howie smiled at him and I let him introduce themselves and chat while I looked back at the band. Fuck that, I was only looking at Rachel. Was there anyone else on stage? She was so amazing, I loved to watch her perform. She was back with James now, sharing his mic to sing back up, grinning like she was having the time of her life. Was that because I was here? Probably not, she always looked like that on stage.

It was probably only about five songs, but it felt like forever until the show was over and I could touch her again. We went backstage with Tsar as the final notes were still hanging over the crowd, and she was still in the wings with the band, debating doing an encore.

I loved that they never planned to do an encore. It was just part of our act. Jeremy saw me standing there and shook his head. "I suppose we can't do 'Get Another Boyfriend' now," he said to her, and she followed his gaze to me.

"Yes we can!" She called back to him as she ran over to me. We stood there for a second, just looking at one another. "Sorry," she said quietly.

"No, Rache, I was being stupid…" I started, but she kissed me before I could say anything else.

"So was I," she whispered as we moved apart. "We'll talk about him tonight, okay? When we get to the hotel." She smiled up at me. "He's not really evil, though. We had a talk, he's going to try and be better. I mean, can you blame him for being jealous that you get the wanton sex goddess?"

I grinned at her, kissing her again. "No, I'd want to kill me, too."

"Rachel!" Darien called, and she gave me a quick kiss before running away.

Howie and Frank and I stood in the wings and watched as they took the stage. Rachel started to introduce 'Get Another Boyfriend' when Jeremy tapped her on the shoulder. They huddled for a moment and she turned back to the crowd, a sly grin crossing her lips, "You want to hear something new?" They erupted into cheers and she shook her head, giggling. She went back to Darien and Jeremy moved to talk to James. After a minute they all were smiling at one another and she went back to her microphone.

"Okay, this might really suck, but it'll get better by the end." She glanced over at James and he rolled his eyes dramatically, "I hope."

They launched into something I'd never heard before and I just stared at them in awe. Howie tapped me on the shoulder, "Dude, is this the song they wrote this afternoon?"

I shrugged and turned my attention back to Rachel, trying to make out the words, but the sound was muffled as it floated back to us and I couldn't quite catch them. This had to be the new song, though, they kept looking at one another and by the end of the song Rachel could barely sing she was giggling so hard.

"Okay, that sucked, Rache." Jeremy deadpanned into the microphone and even I had to laugh.

"We'll practice it before we try it on an unsuspecting public again," chimed in James. "How about we do something they know?" They launched into 'Get Another Boyfriend' and Howie and I bobbed our heads in time to the music.

We'd done our time at the after party, laughing at the promoter's stupid jokes and signing autographs for the few fans that Lola let back. The elevator stopped at our floor and suddenly I was afraid of being alone with Nick. I had the urge to grab Howie or Frank and pull them into the room with us. In a few more minutes we'd be alone and I didn't want to think about Jeremy and have 'the talk.' I wanted to be giggly and flirty with the cute one and go down to the bar and make fun of the groupie girls trying to hit on James.

But Frank was happy enough to leave us at the door to our room, telling Nick their flight was at 11 a.m. tomorrow. Howie kissed me on the cheek before he punched Nick in the shoulder, "Be nice to her, Nicky. You only get to screw up once with wanton sex goddesses like Rachel, dude!"

Nick rolled his eyes and then pulled him into a bear hug and tousled his hair roughly. Howie pulled back, pouting up at Nick and trying to fix his hair and we all had to laugh. Nick had done that just to piss off Howie, hadn't he? Punk ass.

Nick pulled me inside and locked the door behind us as I kicked off my shoes and surveyed the room. You'd think we'd been living here for a week, Nick's stuff was tossed all over the room. "Does your mommy still pick up your room for you, Nick?"

He stared at me and then smiled, coming over to me and pulling me into his arms. I laid my head against his chest and tried to steady my breathing, "Are you implying that I'm a slob, Rache?"

I nodded against his chest, "Your clothes are everywhere, Nick. Who's gonna pick these up tomorrow?"

He looked down at me, a blank expression on his face and I just had to laugh. "You never think about these things, do you?"

"And you do?"

"I'm the one who is picking up my things, Nick! You are such a sheltered pop star!"

"Hey! I'm not sheltered…" he started to argue and then gave up, picking up one of his shirts off the floor and tossing it over his shoulder. "Do you want me to clean up the hotel room now, Rache?" He asked, almost sincerely.

I shook my head and pulled the shirt off his shoulder, throwing it behind me. It landed near the couch and we both laughed. I reached up and put my hand on the back of his neck to pull him down to me. He sighed as my tongue parted his lips and I kissed him deeply. Damn, I loved the way he kissed me. Even if I started it, he always won control, his thumbs lightly caressing my cheeks as his strong hands cradled my face and his tongue explored me. His kisses left me breathless and wanting him even more.

He finally eased his hold on me and I pulled away with a whimper. "I love you, Rache," he whispered in the space between us, making me open my eyes to meet his gaze.

I smiled up at him and nodded, "Me too, Nick. Let's not fight again, okay?"

He grinned at me, "Gladly. Are you hungry, baby?"

After just a few days on tour with us, he knew me too well. I was always starving after a show. I went over to the desk and glanced down at the room service menu. I knew he'd have a burger and fries, my boy was so predictable. "Get me a club sandwich and iced tea and I'll hop in the shower?"

He pouted over at me and I rolled my eyes, "You wanted to talk, not have sex."

"I never said that!" He protested.

"Well, you want to have the talk and I can't talk about Jeremy and fuck you at the same time, now, can I?" I smirked at him.

"No, I'd prefer you not think about him when we're having sex, Rache." I pulled my T-shirt up over my head and he groaned, "Oh, now you're just torturing me, aren't you?"

"Maybe…" I called as I ran into the bathroom. Quick shower, eat some dinner, talk about Jeremy a little and then I'd let him fuck all those bad thoughts out of my head. This would be fine.

I sighed as I let the hot water run over my body and stood in the shower for the longest time, trying to figure out what I should tell him about Jeremy. He didn't need to know everything, did he? No. But he was right, we had to have the talk. It wasn't fair that I could find out everything about his life on the Internet and he knew practically nothing about mine. I owed him at least some details about Jeremy, didn't I? I'd had a few shots before we left the venue and maybe I was still drunk enough for the talk.

I heard music playing quietly as I finally got out of the shower and dried off, slipping into one of the hotel robes and pulling my wet hair back off my face before joining him in front of the television. He had our dinner laid out on the coffee table and had picked up all the clothes that were strewn around the room just 20 minutes before and as I got closer I realized that he was sound asleep. He had one arm under his head, sprawled out on the couch. I sat down next to him on the couch, but he didn't stir, and I allowed myself to just stare at him. He hated it when I watched him sleep and told him he looked like a little boy, but he did, his sweet face peaceful and relaxed.

I reached for my sandwich and glanced at the TV.

And screamed.

It was Willa, and I was too tired and tipsy from the show to hide my reaction. He jumped up, completely startled. "What? What happened?"

"Its Willa! Get her off! Its gross! I can't stand the faux sexuality for one second longer!" He was scrambling for the remote, which had fallen onto the floor, while I continued screaming at the TV. "Get some fucking clothes on! Doesn't she know that someday her boobs will fall and her complete and utter lack of talent will then show through? Little fucking bitch, I've been doing this for six goddamn years and I've never been on MfuckingTV, she screws one Backstreet Boy and look at her! 'I wanna be bad,' yeah, you already are, you fucking psycho-whore!"

She was still on the TV and I looked around to find him collapsed in laughter. "Give me that!" I demanded, reaching for the remote, and he held it away from me.

"Oh, no, go on." He tried to say between giggles.

Embarrassed, I fell back on the cushions. "I can't, now I know you're listening."

He sat up, still snickering. "I'm the only other person here and you were screaming. I imagine most of the floor heard your tirade, dear."

Whimpering, I covered my face with my hands. "Sorry. She kinda inspires a visceral reaction in me."

He joined me on the couch, moving my hands away from my face and tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "Now you know how I feel about Jeremy."

I scowled at him. "At least Jeremy didn't make me all weird and jealous for later boyfriends."

"No, he just tries to fuck you behind their backs." He retorted and then sighed, sitting back on the couch and looking down at his hands, "I'm sorry, Rache…"

I stopped him, "I suppose we can't just skip this talk and have make up sex instead, can we?" He looked at me and a sly smile crossed his face and I shook my head, "No… there shouldn't be makeup sex until we talk about stupid manipulative Jeremy."

He moved toward me on the couch, pulling me into his arms, "That's evil manipulative bastard, I do believe. And…" He took a deep breath before leaning down to kiss my forehead, "I need to know about him, Rache. I'm sorry, but I do."

"Food first?" I asked hopefully and he reached over and picked up a French fry from his plate, offering it to me.

"Food first and then we talk. And then we can have sex until dawn." He kissed me, and suddenly the sex idea seemed like the only logical conclusion.

We ate our sandwiches as he flipped through channels on the television and I was thankful for a few minutes to think. I didn't know how to have this conversation, was it going to make everything better or worse?

She was concentrating way too hard on her sandwich and I turned my attention back to the television. Maybe I didn't need to know about Jeremy. Maybe she doesn't want to tell me because she doesn't believe me when I say I love her. Or maybe she doesn't mean it when she says it back? She could have any number of guys who would adore her like I did but didn't come with all the baggage - the fans and rumors and long periods of time apart.

I looked over at her and caught her staring at me. She put her plate back down on the coffee table and turned to sit crossed legged on the couch facing me. She took a deep breath, "So, what do you want to know. Ask me anything."

"Anything?" I tried to tease her and she pulled the remote out of my hand and turned off the television.

"Within reason? About Jeremy?"

"Oh that. Can we just call him evil manipulative bastard?"

"Too long. Evil J?"

"Did you ever call him 'bunny'?" Where did that come from?

"No." She answered quickly and then thought for a second, " No, I never called him bunny, bunny," she smiled sweetly at me and took my hand in hers, playing with my fingers as she talked. "Jeremy isn't the kind of guy that you can call bunny or sweetie or any of those things. He's Jeremy or J."

"Evil J," I corrected and she laughed, leaning her head against the side of the couch. A stray curl fell on her face and I reached over with my free hand and tucked it behind her ear instinctively. Damn, she was beautiful. Why wouldn't any man who met her want her to be his? James was gay, I understood that. But Jeremy and Damon must both be insane.

"Okay, Evil J. But Nick," her tone was more serious and she looked down at my hand in hers, lightly caressing my palm with her thumb, "he's not inherently evil. I know to you it might look that way, but I've been guilty of just as much backstabbing as he has."

I looked up and Nick looked shocked. God this was going to take all night. I didn't even know how to dissect my relationship with Jeremy. It had all started out simply enough… so I told him that.

"You know our song 'Minneapolis'?" He shot me a 'duh' look. I loved that he had every song we'd recorded memorized. I was sure that if I asked him to sing me the third verse, he'd be able to do it without hesitation. Damon had never cared that much about my music. No, that was another conversation entirely. We didn't have to have both of them tonight, did we?

"Well, that's my relationship with Jeremy. The beginning. He was in college and visiting a friend in New York. He came to the Jabberjaw, this dive bar that we used to hang out in and I… I thought he was the cutest boy I ever saw."

Nick pouted down at me and I leaned up and kissed him quickly, "Don't worry, you now hold that title, bunny." He smiled, settling back against the cushions of the couch.

"A friend introduced us and we started talking about music. We liked all the same groups. He'll never admit it, but he was a closet Duranie even before he met me! We just hit it off and I'd never had a boy look at me like that before, you know?" He so didn't know. Nick Carter had no idea what it felt like to go into a bar and be afraid to talk to a member of the opposite sex because they might reject him. I was sure this was an alien concept to him.

He reached over and pulled the elastic out of my hair, letting it fall around my face and smiled at me, "Rachel, you are so gorgeous and any man who can't see that is clearly insane."

My heart melted. Sometimes he said the most romantic things. Why did I yell at him earlier today? How could I ever be mean to him? "Well, I wasn't always the woman sitting before you. I was shy and insecure and took James everywhere like a security blanket."

"And people thought you and James were a couple?"

I nodded, "It tended to keep the guys away, I guess. But not Jeremy. Not only did we have all these things to talk about, but he got on with James and Darien, too. We'd just started playing together and here comes this amazing guitarist. He was all confident and had his act together. J's dad is a musician and he knew all about the business side of things. Well, we thought so at any rate."

So that's why they all let Jeremy be the leader. She took another bite of her sandwich and I could tell she was collecting her thoughts again. "But he was living in Minneapolis, right? So he transferred to Columbia?"

She shook her head, "No, he dropped out. He had a year to go and hated college, so he just up and moved to New York to be in the band. I thought it was the most impulsive and sexy thing I'd ever seen someone do. I was such a sheltered Long Island girl!"

Rolling her eyes, she stretched a leg out in front of her, wincing as her knee cracked. I sat up and caught her foot, pulling it onto my lap and massaging her instep lightly. She sighed and closed her eyes, leaning back on the cushions. "Damn, that feels good. Don't stop."

"Your wish is my command," I whispered, running my hand up her calf to her knee. She moaned softly and then opened her eyes.

"Do you want me to finish or fall asleep?"

"Finish." I stopped rubbing her knee and pulled her other foot onto my lap, repeating my massage and making her sigh. "Jeremy moves to Long Island and you move in together."

"I didn't say that." She caught my eye, "But we did. Eventually. Much to my parents horror! They were convinced that I was going to drop out and marry Jeremy or worse, want to be in this stupid band for the rest of my life."

"Your parents didn't like the band?" I exclaimed and she laughed.

"Oh, James and I will bore you with parental disapproval stories some time. At least mine didn't come with the whole stigma of having a gay daughter!"

"But your mom is so supportive!" I couldn't imagine her family not supporting her with the band. They sold their CDs at the vineyard and her mom had all these press clippings taped up on the refrigerator in the kitchen. It was adorable. Then again, my mom drove me to auditions when I was ten, maybe my life was a little different than hers.

"Now she is. But then. I was supposed to graduate with my business and marketing degree and come back to run the vineyard with my brothers. That was the plan my entire life. And here I was fucking that all up. Dad was the one who knew I had to follow my dream…" her voice trailed off and she got that hurt look in her eyes that I saw whenever she talked about him.

Damn. I didn't want to make her sad. I didn't know how to act when she was sad about him. I could tease her about anything else and make her laugh, but not her dad. Even I could tell that there was still too much pain there.

She shook her head and licked her lips before continuing, "Dad finally convinced Mom that they had to give me some time. I got a year after college to devote to the band. Jeremy and I went to every record company exec we could find. We made friends with session musicians and soundboard techs so we could record demos in a real studio… finally a friend of a friend of a friend brought an EMI exec to one of our gigs and suddenly we had a deal. It all happened pretty fast. We got to record an album and then we were put on a bunch of supporting tours. We thought we'd made it."

"Did you get your own groupies?"

She laughed dryly, "Yeah. We got groupies. J got lots of groupies." She raised an eyebrow at me and I understood immediately.

"I was always the young, inexperienced one and suddenly there were these girls that were throwing themselves at him because he was in a band." There was a time when Rachel was inexperienced? I had trouble believing that. "I mean, girls had always thrown themselves at him… but I'd never known."

"He told you?" My voice cracked and she smiled at me.

"Well, when you're humping some groupie against the venue wall and your girlfriend is loading the equipment… she kind of notices."

He was completely shocked. It was too adorable. How long did I get before this 'perfect Rachel' that he'd created in his mind came crumbling down around us?

"Close your mouth, dear." I tried not to laugh at him. Somehow he was still so easy to shock, how could that be? "He loved to flaunt his affairs in my face and then come crawling back, telling me about how none of them satisfied him like me. No one understood him like I did. No one knew the real Jeremy. Oh, god, it was such manipulative bullshit… but…"

"You wanted to believe it." He said quietly and I pulled my foot out of his lap, sitting up closer to him. It was him and Willa, I just knew it. I ran my hand through his hair and he leaned into me.

"Yeah, bunny. I never told anyone I'd loved them before. I'd had sex… but never had love, you know? And that changes everything. I mean, we said we loved each other and that must mean something, right? So I believed it. And we lived together and he was in the band and a million other things that were so complicated. If we weren't together, I was convinced the band would fall apart. He did everything I was afraid to do. He talked to the record company and he got the gigs for us. And we wrote all the songs together."

"You're good at that. Even now."

I smiled at him, "Yeah, we're really good at that, Nick. And I can't lose that. It's like he knows how to complete my sentences sometimes. We share a brain when we write songs and it's so cool. Add the sex to that and… it's such a fuckin' rush, you know?"

He smiled sheepishly, taking my hand in his, "I think I understand a bit, yeah."

"Willa?"

"Mandy, yeah. I wrote my first songs about her and she brought all this normalcy to my crazy life, Rache."

"Like me?" It was out there before I could stop it and as soon as I said it, I wanted to take it back. I didn't want to be like her, not in the slightest. She'd hurt him and fucked him over. I wouldn't do that.

"Kind of… but not really. She'd follow me everywhere and do whatever I wanted her to. She just made me feel like I wasn't a freak all the time. Well, even though I was a freak, someone besides my mom could love me."

"Oh, you are so not a freak, bunny! I know from freaks… look at James and me."

He smiled at me, "Rache, I never went to high school. Hell, I barely went to junior high. There are all these things that everyone else does. No matter where you live or what you look like or language you speak… there are things that everyone does. I never did those things. I had tutors and met girls because they had my pictures on their walls. I learned to drive after I bought my first car because I was always touring and never home long enough to take a driving test."

I didn't know what to say. He was a freak. I tried not to laugh but I was too tired and couldn't hold it in. "You are a freak, bunny." I giggled and he tried to pout at me but couldn't keep it up.

He pulled me into his arms, "We're a pair of freaks!" He yelled before kissing me quickly. I settled against him and we both laughed for a moment.

"So…" I started. "You said you never loved her earlier today."

"It wasn't this, Rache," he said quietly, stroking my hair as I laid my head against his chest. "It wasn't anything like this."

"There's different kinds of love, Nick." I don't know why I wanted him to love her. Maybe I just wanted to make sure that it wasn't something he took lightly.

"I know."

I could feel my throat tighten as I held her. I knew I'd never find the words to explain how much she meant to me, how completely different this was than what I'd had with Mandy. I didn't want to use the same words with them, 'love' meant something entirely different now.

"I guess I did love her. I mean, it wasn't just the sex that made me stay with her for three years. It wasn't that good."

She sat up, smiling at me. "It wasn't?"

"It was… we were both inexperienced, ya know?" This was so embarrassing… but she took my hands, nodding.

"I know. I'm sure you weren't inexperienced at the end of three years. Somebody must have taught you well," she grinned at me, making me laugh.

"Lots of groupies?" I joked, and she giggled.

"We already had that talk. And you said some of them were while you were with Mandy."

"Yeah," I admitted. "Rache, I won't do that with you, really, I promise-"

She shook her head, placing a hand over my mouth to make me stop talking. "Don't make promises, Nick. It's too early for that. Tell me who you kissed the other night."

I wanted to make those promises. I meant them. At least right this minute, I meant them.

"She was… I don't know. She was blond, and Tony liked her friend, and she liked that I was a Backstreet Boy."

Rachel's eyes were sad as she moved away from me, settling back against the couch. I followed her, stroking her face, making her look at me. "I'm sorry. I was stupid."

"Would you have slept with her if Anna hadn't stopped you?"

"No." I think. I was pretty sure of that, I wasn't that drunk. "We were just making out at the club. I just…I really missed you. I know it was only three days that we were apart, but I missed you, and she was a distraction from that. I'm sorry."

"We're going to be apart a lot, Nick. We both have lives, big ones, where we travel all the time."

I kissed her. "I know. But not right now. Right now, I can be with you. I'll be better when we're apart. You just make me so crazy, Rache. I love you so much, I hate to be away from you."

She smiled, running her fingers through my hair. "I know. The boys kept teasing me, we were on the phone all the time."

"Did Jeremy tease you, or was he mean? I don't like the way he treats you sometimes." I didn't. She just laughed it off, or ignored him, but I hated the way he said mean little things to her all the time.

"He was both. Let me handle him, OK? I know he's mean, it used to hurt me a lot, but I don't let it get to me anymore. The more you pay attention to it, the worse he'll be."

"Then why did you kiss him?" I whined. I couldn't help it.

My whine made her smile a bit. "I was drunk and stupid and I missed you. It was funny, the whole time, I was comparing you to him, like I wasn't really part of the kiss and I was just watching it. That's when I told him about you," she admitted sheepishly and I laughed.

"Man, no wonder he hates me! You set me up!"

"I didn't mean to... I wanted him to stop, and I needed to tell him about you, and somehow it seemed like a good idea at the time. So we were both stupid."

I nodded, and she kissed me.

"I love you," she said quietly. "Have we discussed enough?"

"Was he mean when you were together?" I asked. Maybe he wasn't mean then, maybe that was later.

"Yeah," she said, quietly. "He was. His family is really fucked up, and he dragged me into a lot of really fucked up stuff, and…" she sighed. "I'm tired."

Did I have to tell him every story in one night? He looked so worried, and I reached up, smoothing the lines out of his forehead. "He wasn't violent, Nick. But he didn't exactly make me feel like a princess, either. Not like you," I said, and he smiled. "That's what our new song is about, sorta. Might be why he was a little touchy when you showed up."

He grinned now. "I couldn't catch the words, can I get a private performance?"

"You just want to hear how it's about you."

"Yeah…" he said. "Duh!"

"Alright. You have to let me up, though, I need to find the words."

He looked disappointed. "You can't bop around in my lap?"

"Oh, you want a lap dance, too?" I laughed, untangling myself from him. "Sorry, I am a serious artiste." I got up and rummaged through my bag for the napkin with the lyrics. Glancing over them, I nodded my head to the remembered beat.

"It's not entirely about you. So don't get mad that it's sorta mean."

"Promise."

I turned around to face him, about to begin singing… and couldn't. Stage fright, audience of one. He was just too adorable, the best fan ever, waiting for me to sing.

I whirled around, opening the mini-bar and pulling out two tiny bottles of tequila. He laughed when I tossed him one, but unscrewed the cap and toasted me with it before downing it in one swallow.

Fuck this. All his songs were overproduced ballads, this was way better than anything he'd ever done.

Bopping her head to the beat, she took a deep breath…

I'm a punk rock prom queen
brown paper magazine
hotter than you've ever seen
and everywhere and in between

Then I stopped listening as she started dancing, singing at the top of her voice and jumping on the sofa, leaping over to the coffee table.

How did I get so lucky to have this rock goddess in my life? She played air guitar on the middle eight, telling me this was the big drum solo.

Those three small words
were way too late
you can't see that I'm the one

She stood on the table in front of me, crashing the final drumbeat onto my head. Her hair in her eyes, out of breath, she grinned down at me. "Like it?"

I stood up, and she rested her hands on my shoulders. "You're fucking amazing, Rachel. I think I finally understand the groupies, I want to follow you to the ends of the earth and see every show."

She squealed, covering her mouth when it escaped her. "I fucking adore you." Leaning down, she kissed me, and I pulled her off the table into my arms, not able to be close enough to her. She wrapped herself around me and I had to pull away to catch my breath.

He moved away from me slightly and I ran my tongue down his neck, stopping to suck lightly on his Adam's apple. I knew that made him crazy and I was rewarded when a loud moan escaped his lips.

"Rache," he nearly panted as I nibbled on his collarbone knowing I was making him want me. My robe had fallen open slightly and the cool air made my nipples harden against his chest.

"What, bunny?"

"Can we have that makeup sex now?"

I smiled up at him, "Had enough of the Evil J?"

He nodded and lifted me higher in his arms, carrying me into the bedroom and letting me fall onto the bed. He fell on top of me, his hands quickly darting under the terrycloth robe, pushing it out of his way. Leaning down his tongue traced a circle around my nipple before he sucked it into his mouth while his hand reached up and caressed my face softly. I arched my back, needing to be closer to him and he responded by pushing his hips into mine.

He kissed his way back up to my mouth and I felt my whole body relax as his tongue met mine. I tried to push thoughts of Jeremy out of my head as he broke our kiss, "Rache, I want to erase all those things that he ever did to you. Let me love you, please."

His voice was so earnest that I would have believed anything he was telling me at that moment. I reached over his shoulders and pulled at his T-shirt. He helped me slide it over his head and pushed him onto his back and fell beside him, my hands tracing the line of his chest before running up to his shoulders. I scraped my fingernails down his back as he turned into me and took my mouth back in his.

I could lay here and kiss her for hours, loving the way she touched me, comforted by the subtle heat that emanated from her body. But she was the impatient one tonight. She untied her robe, shrugging out of it before she grasped my hand and led me down her body.

"Your skin is so soft, baby," I murmured into her ear as I ran my hand down the outside of her leg, pulling it over my hip so she was open to my touch. I reached between us, "And so wet, too," I sighed as my fingers slid inside her.

She gasped, pushing her hips into me, "Damn, Nick. You are so good at that. Don't stop," she sighed into my neck as her hands slid underneath the fabric of my pants and cupped my ass.

Was I better than Jeremy? Was she comparing me to him in her mind? Remembering all the things that he did to her body and the way he made her feel? My mind was racing as she moved against me, urging me on and whispering in my ear. I quickened my pace and pressed my thumb firmly on her clit, making her cry out and shudder against me. "God, Nick.." she screamed, "I want you inside me now."

She pulled away from me and leaned over to the nightstand and found a condom as I pulled off the rest of my clothes, meeting her back in the middle of the bed. She grinned up at me, stroking my face before kissing me, "I love you."

Before I knew it he was on top of me, holding my hands above my head and staring down at me as he finally entered me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, wanting to feel all of him inside me and had to look away, his gaze was so intense, like he could see inside my soul as he began thrusting up against me.

I couldn't even form words so that must have been me moaning loudly as he pulled back, letting his cock slide almost completely out of me before slamming back against me.

"Rache, baby… I'm… damn, you're so tight. You feel so good," his breath was coming quicker and he leaned down to me licking my lips slowly even as his movements quickened. He still had my arms pinned above my head and I struggled against him for a moment before freeing myself so I could run my fingers through his hair and pull him down to me. I felt myself contracting against him as my orgasm started and he murmured my name over and over as he moved inside me.

"Come on, baby. Don't fight it," I hissed into the space between us and he raised himself up, pounding into me harder, knowing that would make me come with him again. I tightened the grip my legs had around his waist and could feel his balls hitting me as his body connected with mine in a frenetic pace. Finally he stopped fighting and screamed my name as his orgasm overtook him and he collapsed on top of me.

Still buried inside me, his arms encircled my waist and he rolled us onto our sides as we tried to catch our breath. I felt that familiar tightness in my chest as I opened my eyes and watched him as he smiled contentedly, trying to pull me closer to him, if that was possible. "I want to be inside you forever, Rache," he sighed before opening his eyes and catching me watching him.

"Baby, are you crying?" He stroked my face, wiping away the tears that fell down my face.

Was I? When did that happen?

The emotions were overwhelming and I bit on my lip to keep from sobbing. It was all suddenly too much. Jeremy and Nick and having to think about it all. He moved away slightly, pulling off the condom and dropping it into the wastebasket beside the bed and then pulling me back into his arms, wrapping his body around me like a blanket.

"I love it when you do that," my voice cracked and I felt more tears escape.

"What, Rache?"

"Cover me with your body like a blanket." I snuggled up closer to him and tried to smile, "I feel so safe with you, Nick."

I made her feel safe? Me? I was the little boy here. How could I make anyone feel safe or secure? I barely felt those things myself. In the last month everything had been spinning so far out of my control, she was the only thing that kept me focused. The only thing that made me feel stable.

"I love you, Rache." I knew it wasn't enough, but it was all I could say. "I'm sorry I made you think about it all."

Was that it?

She bit her bottom lip again and ran her hands up my back, making all my nerves leap to attention, "No. You were right, I should have told you. It was unfair to expect you to be here… with him… and not let you know all the baggage."

She was right. Half the time I felt like whatever was happening or being said had nothing to do with the moment we were in, but something that took place before. References to their relationship or to the time he wasn't in the band. "I had just started figuring you and James' shorthand, Rache, and now I've got to figure out Jeremy, too. Half the time you are fighting, I feel like it's not about me at all."

She looked up at me, "It's not, bunny. Not really. Old habits die hard?" She tried to joke and I let her.

"As long as those old habits don't include sharing his bed when you're writing songs." I retorted, leaning down to kiss her forehead gently.

She shook her head, "No. James might kill me if I ever did that again!"

"Good. At least I have James on my side!"

"And Darien! And Lola, she loves you, you know. And Tsar. They think you rock so hard."

"Duh!" I exclaimed and she giggled, "What? You don't agree?"

"Oh, I know how much you rock, bunny." Her body shook against me as she laughed and I felt my dick respond to her movements. "See?"

"I love you like this, Rache," I ran my hand down her face and wiped away the last of her tears, "Giggling in my arms. Of all the ways I love you, I love you laughing the most."

To be continued…

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