Oreos
for Breakfast - Chapter 9
By
The Paperbag Princess and The Pumpkin
Coach
Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3 | Page 4
The room phone rang and I picked it up, knowing it was the band or Lola, "Yeah?"
Darien's voice answered me and I sighed, glad it wasn't Jeremy. "Whatcha doin'?"
"Packing. When do we leave?"
"We've got like an hour and a half. Wanna get some breakfast? There's a diner a couple of blocks over."
"Just you and me, darling?" I flirted, making him laugh.
"I already asked the others, sorry."
"I was last?" I whined.
He snickered. "They were in my room, don't get insulted, Diva Princess. Besides, I wasn't sure if you'd be surgically attached to your cell phone or not."
"Oh, shut up," I muttered. I was just considering calling Nick. I had to stop doing that. I'd see him in a couple of days.
Then maybe later in the summer we'd open for Backstreet? Did Nick really mention that last night?
Yeah, I needed to have breakfast with my band.
"When's breakfast?"
"Three minutes. I'll knock."
"I'll be ready, just need to find my shoes."
He knocked two minutes later and I joined my boys, heading for the elevator. "No Lola?" I asked, and Jeremy shook his head.
"She's calling someone about something. Isn't it nice not to have to do that?" he smiled at me, and I nodded.
"Having a tour manager is the best thing ever!" I declared as James pulled me onto the elevator. "I don't even know what she could be calling about, and I don't care!"
James handed me some money. "Even better, she just hands out money whenever we want it. Not like some people I could mention…" he teased, and I elbowed him, putting my per diem in my wallet.
"Hey, we were on a tight budget. I was just looking out for the group. Fuck, we didn't even have per diems then." It was only 40 bucks a day. I wondered what Nick got.
The elevator doors opened and Darien put on his sunglasses. James nudged him, laughing, "What? Are you a rock star now, D? Are sunglasses your thing?"
"Need to cultivate the lifestyle, dude!" Darien retorted, stuffing his hands in his pockets as we walked to the door. The nice doorman tipped his head to me and I smiled at him.
"He's cute…" I sighed, waving back at him as we made our way toward the diner.
Jeremy pulled me back around, "I thought you were taken, Diva Princess?"
"I can look!" I whined and glanced back. But the cute doorman was talking to a couple of girls. One flipped her hair over her shoulder and giggled. I mimicked her and James rolled his eyes.
"Oh, that looks familiar, Rache! Hey… speaking of familiar, weren't those girls at the show last night?"
"James, all girls look the same to you!" Jeremy laughed, but we all glanced back to look.
"Damn," Darien muttered under his breath, "I remember her. She has huge…"
I hit him in the chest and he stopped, "Eyes! She has really big eyes. Really, when she's not wearing those sunglasses. I saw her last night!"
"Good cover, D!" I laughed. "Seriously, I think James is right. Do we have groupies following us now?" I crowed as Darien held the door open for us all at the diner.
"Us? Those are girls, m'dear… I think they're stalking me." Jeremy winked at me before sliding in the booth and patting the seat next to him. I slid in next to him and stole his menu.
"What time is it? Can I still get breakfast?" I wondered aloud as we all studied the menu.
"What the hell was that last night?" Kevin snapped, and I sighed. Couldn't I even get a cup of coffee before I got yelled at? There was coffee over there, across the room, I could see it…
AJ. Was that AJ standing at the coffee table, talking to Brian? We weren't going to see AJ until this afternoon, I was definitely not ready to face AJ. What if he was … different? What if he was here to say he couldn't be part of the band any longer?
"Nick!" Kevin barked, and I turned to look at him again. No wonder he was in a crabby mood. He was the one that started this, after all. If he hadn't told AJ he was a worthless sack of shit, we might still be on tour right now.
"What, Kevin?"
"What the fuck was that last night? You just left us sitting there without a word. It had to have been Rachel."
"Booty call!" AJ cackled, coming over to us. "Did you get the booty call, Nicky?"
I met his eyes and relaxed. It was OK. It was just AJ, being AJ like he always was. "Maybe," I admitted, and he laughed, pulling me into a hug.
"Good to see you, little man," he said, stepping back to look up me. "I hear things have changed in my absence. Fine looking T-shirt there."
I glanced down, it was a Sudden Silence tour shirt. There were three designs, I had them all. And the sweatshirt. The only one I didn't have was the girly tank top. "I'll get you one. Or you could come to one of her shows, she'd love to see you…" I drifted off. They were playing clubs, that was probably a bad idea.
How was I ever going to get used to the idea that AJ didn't drink? He always drank, always. When he was underage, we always joked about how he raided the mini-bars in our hotel rooms.
He shrugged, unconcerned. "We'll see. Maybe I'll get one when they open for us, did I hear that right?"
I knew I had a stupid grin on my face, and I didn't care. "It's not definite yet." I knew better than to count on anything. A millions things could happen, her record company could say no, ours could, their single might tank and then it would be useless. But I wanted it to happen so bad.
"That would be fucking cool, though. Wouldn't it, Kev?"
Kevin just rolled his eyes, dropping into a chair at the conference table. "It worked so fucking well the last time one of Nick's girlfriends opened for us, after all."
I glared at him. This was completely different than Mandy. Sudden Silence had actual talent, for one. AJ shook his head. "Not the same thing at all, my man."
"Give me one reason why, Alex. It's going to look like we're giving favors to one of Nick's girlfriends again, and the fans will hate her, and we'll look like idiots."
"Only Sudden Silence already has a record contract," Brian offered. "And they're talented."
"Hell, does anyone outside this room even know they're dating?" AJ wondered, and they all looked at me. I shrugged.
"We're not hiding it." I'd done that for a while with Mandy, and it was just stupid. Bad for the image, whatever. Wasn't it bad for the image to lie? "There were a few girls at the last hotel." And more the day after that. Yeah, everyone knew. "I imagine by the time we're back on tour, it will be a known fact."
"Not if you aren't seen with her," Kevin attempted, and this time Howie spoke first. Hell, I didn't even know he was in the room.
"Quit it, Kevin. Stop picking on him. The boy's in love, let him be."
I loved Howie. I really did. I picked on him all the time, but count on him to stick up for me.
"Oooh, is it love, then?" AJ squealed, grinning at me, and I nodded.
"Yeah… I think so." I hope so. We said so. That counted, right?
"Guys?" I asked, looking around the table as we all fussed with coffee, and they looked up at me.
"Yeah?" James answered for them.
"I was talking to Nick last night…"
Darien interrupted me. "How is the blond god? Does he miss you terribly?" he teased, leaning into me, and I pushed him away.
"He's fine and yes, he's pining, thank you very much." And he's really good at phone sex… but we could discuss that at another time. "But he told me that Backstreet's putting off their tour again, until the end of August…" I took a deep breath. "And they need a new opening act."
"No." Jeremy answered, not even looking up from stirring sugar into his coffee.
"Hold on, J," Darien told him, looking at me again. "Seriously?"
I shrugged. "I think. It was late, we were tired, and we didn't get into it. But he said it was management's idea, not his. Ours was on a list of many… I'm not even sure if his management knows about us," I mused. It hadn't been that long… maybe they didn't.
Oh, that was stupid, management always knew everything, right? We were able to keep him a secret for all of 3 days before Amber figured it out. And she didn't pay that much attention to us.
Darien and James exchanged a look while Jeremy glared into his coffee. I knew Jeremy was going to hate the idea.
"We are sorta after their market," James pondered. "The TRL crowd."
"It's the end of August," Jeremy protested. "Our video comes out next week, we need the TRL crowd now, not at the end of the summer."
"But if we're getting some play, opening for Backstreet could only help," Darien countered.
"Or it might hurt," James said, looking at me with a shrug. "Sorry, babe, but the fans fucking loathe Willa."
"Yes, but I am way cooler than her," I informed him. "Prettier and smarter and our songs rock."
"How could they not love us?" Darien grinned.
"Exactly!" I giggled. The three of us glanced at Jeremy, but he was still pouting.
"Do we really want to go back to opening?" James asked. "It's so fucking cool, headlining."
True. It was. Even if there were only 500 people it the room, they were there for us, not just tolerating us while the real band polished off the rider before taking the stage.
"It would be opening for a stadium, not some tiny club," Jeremy said, and we all looked at him in shock. "What?" he whined. "I'm not completely unreasonable. It might be a good idea."
I grinned at him and he flashed me a tiny smile in response, then James had to ruin it.
"Or it might be a bad one. If it was only business, it would be one thing, but, Rache…" he pleaded, and I had to look at him. I knew exactly what he meant. My being with Jeremy while we were in the band together led to all sorts of terrible situations. If Nick and I had problems while we were on the road with Backstreet, what then?
"I know," I admitted. "But we can't let that get in the way, either."
"We should talk about it," Darien asserted. "Draw up a list of the pros and cons."
It took us an hour, several cups of coffee and a few plates of bacon and eggs to get a list. They were about equal, but the one that was in block letters was under the 'con' column - 'too much talk about the relationship.'
I'd never been in a relationship that was a liability before. But it was, as much as I hated to admit it. If we went on tour with Backstreet, every interview would be about me and Nick. The fans would hate me, and the rest of the world would see me as a gold digger.
"Not that we even got an offer," I said, shaking my head at the list.
"But now we know what to tell them if we do," James shrugged at me.
I got her voicemail again. I hated that. Was her phone off or did she have no reception on the bus? It was one o'clock, she was on the bus, right? I turned around from my corner and AJ waved me over.
Damnit. I couldn't make up an excuse quick enough, so I sat next to him, taking the soda he offered me. Everyone else was involved in a conversation, there was no one to save me.
"Dude. I'm not gonna bite." He laughed, looking at me. "I just wanted to say something to you."
That's what I was afraid of. "What?"
"I'm sorry, Nicky. That last night, I said some terrible things. I even remember some of them," he tried to joke, but I didn't feel like laughing. "It was just…" He looked away from me. "I was fucked up, man. I took it out on you and that wasn't fair. That whole last week was bad, but I know that night was the worst between you and I, and I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."
"I'm sorry, too." I was. I shouldn't have argued back with him. I usually didn't, I knew how he got.
"I was pushing your buttons on purpose. I know better than to tease you about a girl. I was just flirting with Rachel to piss you off."
I tried not to glare at him, but it wasn't working, because he laughed.
"Hard not to flirt with her, she's fucking hot. She as hot in bed as she looks?" he asked, raising his eyebrows, and I had to laugh. She was mine now. She loved me, I knew that.
"Hotter," I answered. "Unfuckingbelievable."
"Good, you deserve that. She's a nice girl." He nodded over at Kevin. "Ignore him, you know that, right? He's just picking on you because it's convenient."
"Did you apologize to him, too?" I wondered. What the hell was wrong with Kevin, he was yelling at everyone. He'd been fine yesterday, it had to be something to do with AJ.
AJ shook his head. "Oh yeah. I talked to him first. I wrote him letters from rehab. I forgive him… but he's got to forgive himself. Nothing I can do about that. Hell, Nicky, I thanked him. I needed something to push me into rehab, and he did it."
"He could have been nicer," I offered. I tried not to remember standing there in the hallway next to Brian and Howie, watching as Kevin screamed through the door. I'd seen Kevin lose his temper more times than I could count, but never like that.
"Nice didn't work, did it?" AJ questioned, and I shrugged. We'd all tried talking to him about his drinking, but it never worked. We had a counselor on the road with us, but AJ never went to him. AJ put an arm around me, pulling me close for a brief hug. "It's OK. It's all good, Nick. I'm glad I went, I needed it. In a couple of weeks, I'll be fine to tour again, I promise."
I just looked at him, worried. What would we do if he wasn't? What if we got back on the road and it got worse?
"Oh, stop," AJ laughed, rolling his eyes. "You're not good at the worrying thing. Although the tears on MTV were a very nice touch," he teased. "I was… moved," he finished dramatically, pretending to wipe away tears. "I didn't know you cared, man."
I slugged him. "Shut up."
"Shouldn't you be thanking me? Didn't your pain get you invited up to Rachel's family homestead in a secret location?"
"Long Island," I grinned. "It's really cool, Aje, she has an amazing house."
"Is that where it all happened? Go on, tell me, I know you want to."
"No!" I finally yelled, getting up from the table and away from the phone. James grabbed my hand, making me stay within earshot. It sucked having a conference call on a tour bus, especially when it was with Amber, telling us to tour with Backstreet.
How the hell did I get here? A few hours ago, I was bummed out that we wouldn't be touring with them, and now I was holding on to that idea fiercely.
Because it was right. I wanted to tour with Nick, but it was going to be bad for the band in the end and I couldn't do that.
"Rachel, if you break up, it won't be a big deal. You never have to see Backstreet if you don't want to," she attempted to soothe, and James kept a firm grip on me as I lunged for the phone.
"That's really not why we're saying no, Amber," Jeremy said calmly. "As a business decision, this is a bad one in the long run."
"But think of the press you'll get now! It'll be great for the single release!" she wailed.
"They're not a one hit wonder!" Lola barked, and we all turned to look at her. I didn't even know Lola was listening.
Man, we needed a real manager. Managing ourselves was just fine when the record company ignored us, but this was getting more and more aggravating.
"Of course they aren't," Amber said, her voice tinny on the speakerphone.
"Then don't treat them like they are! This is not the right time for them to be supporting a major act like Backstreet. Maybe in a few months, when they've got their own solid fan base. But not yet. They need to headline more than anything. Aren't they supposed to be in Europe in September?" Lola went on. Maybe Lola should be our manager. Could we afford her?
"We can put that off," Amber tried to say, but Jeremy cut her off.
"I think maybe you should look at our file again and check out our European numbers. 'Long Island' made top 40 in the UK, Sweden and Italy. We can do that again."
"Especially with a video by Em," I had to say. "They love her in England, I know this is going to hit there."
Right? Oh, please god, be right. I knew it had barely been a week since we shot the video, but I wanted to see it. Two days, when we got to L.A., Em promised me it would be ready.
"It makes way more sense for us to be in Europe this fall than on tour with Backstreet," James offered, and we all held our breath, staring at the phone.
"I can make you do this," Amber threatened, and Darien laughed.
"Oh, honey, you haven't seen us when we're stubborn yet. Might be fun to try out an artist's rights lawsuit."
I stared at Darien, trying not to laugh. We didn't have a cent in the bank. I was making the boys give me part of their per diems to put into a savings account. At the moment we had 20 bucks. I somehow doubted that would get us a good lawyer.
There was a deep sigh from the other end of the phone, "Fine. I'll tell them no."
"Oh, Sudden Silence said no, but Sisqo said yes, so that's a go," one of the management team offered. She was new, I couldn't remember her name.
All the guys turned to look at me, and I shrugged. "What? The label said no, right?" I was attempting to be unconcerned here. I knew it wouldn't happen, from the moment it got brought up, I just knew it was too good to be true.
At least I didn't want the fellas to see me upset about it. It would be fine. I'd still see her, we had days off occasionally, so did she, and there was always the phone…
Not as good as her on my bus every night, not at all.
The two girls from management laughed, and I looked over at them. "No, the band said no. The label was very clear about that - she sounded pretty pissed off about it, actually."
Why would the band say no? Did Jeremy tell her she wasn't allowed to see me? Did James finally convince her I wasn't good enough? Did Darien… oh, Darien wouldn't care. This wasn't his fault.
I blamed Jeremy.
"So, Sisqo. That's cool," Howie said, raising an eyebrow at me and I shrugged. They went on talking about the tour, while I tried to picture the scene on Sudden Silence's bus as they discussed touring with us. I'm sure Jeremy just hated the idea, he probably had some choice words for our lack of talent. But why didn't Rachel stick up to him? She wanted to tour with me, didn't she?
Didn't she?
Why didn't she at least tell me? Why did I have to find out from fucking management, in front of the fellas? Fuck, I was just telling them all how I was in love with her, and now she didn't even want to tour with us.
An hour later, we finally broke for dinner and I went up to my room, ignoring the others. I had two messages from her, and she didn't sound happy in either of them. Taking a deep breath, I called her.
"Rachel Connor!" she answered, and I didn't even smile at her professional greeting like I usually did.
"It's me," I told her, staring out the window.
"Hey, bunny." Her voice dropped into that sweet tone that I loved, soft and gentle.
That voice I was going to have to hear on the phone all fall, not live and in person like I should.
"Why did you say no to the tour? Why didn't you talk to me about it first?" I whined, not caring that I sounded like a brat.
"Oh." She was quiet for a moment. "I tried to call you, but you weren't picking up."
"I was in meetings all day," I muttered.
"Sorry. I wanted to tell you. How did you find out?"
"Fucking management!" I exploded. "In front of everyone, after I was just telling them we're so fucking happy, and now you made me look like an idiot."
"How? I made a business decision. I'm sorry, I wanted it too, but professionally it just doesn't make sense."
She made the decision? I couldn't even blame Jeremy for this? "You made the decision?"
"We all did," she admitted. "I didn't think it would get back to you so quickly, Nick. I wanted to tell you."
"Amber made a big deal out of the fact that it was the band's decision. Why? Why is this a bad idea?"
"A million reasons. I'm coming!" she yelled at someone. "Nick, I gotta go. I've got an interview and we're on stage in an hour."
"No!" I demanded. "Why don't you want to be with me?"
She was quiet for a moment. "Not everything is about you, little man. If I wasn't with you, I would have made the same decision, so don't give me a fucking guilt trip for it."
"I'm not. I just want to know why."
"I can't do this now," she hissed. "I'm sorry, I just can't. I'll call you later."
"Rachel!" I yelled. "Don't… I…"
"I love you," she said quietly, her voice sweet again.
"I miss you," I half-pleaded. I did. I wanted her here so bad, I had a million things to tell her. She didn't even know that AJ was back. "Hey, I didn't-"
She cut me off, yelling "One minute!" in her annoyed at Jeremy voice. "Baby, I have to run. OK? I'll call you after my show."
Hours from now. I sighed. "I'll be here. I love you."
"I've got my pick of any toy, little boy…"
I didn't finish the line, because I was pelted with toys. James caught my eye and we stopped playing, bending over to pick them up. "What the hell is this?" I said into my mic, holding one up.
"It's Backstreet!" a girl in the audience yelled out, I looked out at her, and then at the toy in my hand again. It was about six inches high, maybe, a little guy that looked like a Ninja.
I knew this little guy! Nick drew him for me once. He was Nick's super hero alter ego, immortalized by DC Comics and Burger King. I giggled, pressing the button that made his arms move. "Are these the Burger King toys?" I asked her, and she and her friends nodded. "Babe, these things are collectible, what are you doing throwing them to us? Jeremy's just gonna torture them!"
His hand appeared over my shoulder and I ducked out of his way, laughing. James leaned into his mic.
"For those of you in the back, we've just been attacked by tiny Backstreet Boy super heroes. We will return you to our regularly scheduled program once Rachel stops giggling."
I ran over to James' side of the stage as Jeremy gave up and picked up another toy. "His super power is what… playing basketball?" he asked, staring at the toy in his hand.
"Brian!" The girls in the front row yelled out, and I looked at them.
"Do you have a Kevin? James here thinks Kevin is hot."
She threw something at us and James caught it. "Aw… I'll put him next to my JC puppet. What the hell is this superpower? The power to leap out of a coffin?" James went to place his new toy next to JC sitting on his amp, and I used his mic.
"We do that in our new video, actually. On that 'toy' line, the boys attacked me with Barbie dolls and N*Sync marionettes."
"Look for it on MTV soon," Darien said in his best announcer's voice. "Shall we finish the song now?"
"I think we'll start over. Or will that bore everyone?"
I loved making a crowd scream. And this was a crowd, too, a near sell-out. We were being our normal selves, rambling on to the audience, and they loved it. Used to be we could only get away with that sort of behavior in New York, when all our friends were at a show. But every night, we had more and more fans, it seemed. Publicity was cool. Good reviews rocked.
What was going to happen if we actually got played on MTV? What then? Were we going to move beyond tiny, sweaty clubs with crappy dressing rooms? What kind of dressing rooms would we have gotten if we'd toured with Backstreet?
My fingers stumbled over my line and I forced myself to pay attention to the song. I couldn't think about how mad my boyfriend was at me right now. I had been good, I didn't think about him during the interviews and most of the show… this was our last song, I could finish this.
I caught Lola's eye as Jeremy thanked the crowd and nodded towards the girls who'd given us the dolls. They deserved backstage passes for that, definitely.
20 minutes later, I wasn't so sure… what if they were just Backstreet fans? Should I be encouraging such behavior?
"Hey, are you the girls with the dolls?" I asked, walking over to them, playing with my Nick. I liked the sound of that, "playing with my Nick." I suddenly understood why James liked that silly JC doll so much.
They looked at me and nodded, mute. There were three of them, they looked maybe 18 or so. Was this an all-ages show? I hoped so.
"I'm Rachel," I offered, and the one who'd been shouting at me from the audience laughed.
"We know! You're so amazing, I saw you open for Blur, and ever since then, I've been obsessed."
"Really?" Did I look smug? I must have, because James was smirking when he draped an arm around my shoulders.
"What were you, 12?" he asked, making her giggle. "Hmm…" he considered her. "Graham fan."
"How did you know?" she squealed, and he shrugged.
"Graham fans are frequently psychotic," he joked. "And you must be a freak to own the Backstreet toys."
She shook her head, pointing to one of her friends. "Nope, that's Annie."
"My sister!" Annie protested. "I do not listen to talentless boy bands."
James cracked up as I whined. "Hey! They can sing!"
The girls looked at me in amazement. "Then it's true?" the loud one asked. "You're really dating a Backstreet Boy?"
"The cute one, yeah," I laughed. "Have you lost all respect for me now?"
"No…" she answered. "Does he like your music?"
"Yes, actually," I grinned at her. "He's not evil. He just makes soulless pop music."
"Oh, please, Rache, you play it all the time!" James protested.
"Nothing wrong with a good pop song, darling. But I want to talk about me now, and how fabulous I am!"
"Bunny!" she laughed into the phone, and I knew she was drunk. It was nearly one a.m. her time, they must have gone out drinking after her show. "I have fans!"
"Of course you do, Rachel," I had to smile. "I have to be number one of something."
"I have fans that have loved me even longer than you have! They saw us open for Blur, and they were there tonight, and they knew the song so well that they threw toys at us during 'Come On'!"
She sang the line for me and I just let her. I knew that line. I'd been there when they filmed the video.
"Backstreet toys, Nick!"
"Backstreet toys?" We had toys? Oh, not the-
"The Burger King toys. I now have a complete set. What the fuck is Kevin's superpower?"
"I don't remember," I told her. "They threw toys at you?"
"After the show, we got them backstage and they were a tad disappointed to find that I am actually dating you," she giggled.
They were? Was I not cool enough?
"I may have gotten you new fans. How weird is that, Nicky? I had to convert my fans to you guys? I was beginning to think that we were just gonna get obsessed Backstreet fans at all our gigs, but we have rabid fans of our very own!"
"You're gonna have millions of them, Rache."
I was starting to understand why maybe they said "no" to opening for us. There was nothing cooler than fans of your very own.
"You're so good for my ego, bunny," she sighed, and I could hear her moving around.
"Where are you?" I asked.
"On the bus." Damnit. That meant no privacy. "So no phone sex tonight," she giggled quietly.
"That's alright. We didn't really finish our conversation earlier."
"Oh. Yeah."
We were quiet for a moment. "Why did you say 'no', Rache?" Did I really want to know the answer to this question?
"I can fax you the list," she offered.
"There's a list?"
"Yeah… at breakfast today we drew up a list of pros and cons. Wow, was that just breakfast? It's been a long day. What did you do today?"
I let her distract me for a moment. Was my name on that list? Was I a pro or a con? "Meetings. AJ was here."
She gasped a little, shocked. "I didn't know that. Did you not tell me, or did I forget?"
"I'm not sure," I admitted. "I knew he was going to be around maybe this afternoon, but I walked in this morning and there he was."
"How is he?" she asked, concerned. "How are you?"
"He's fine. Really, he is. Kevin's a fucking freak, but AJ is fine."
"Ooooh. What's wrong with Kevin?"
I shrugged. What had I told her about those last days in Boston? I knew I'd told her how I broke my hand, but I couldn't remember what else I'd said. I was so happy being with her, she made it seem like it was all a million miles away. Now I was back in the middle of my stupid life again, and she didn't want to be here with me. I couldn't blame her.
"Did I tell you about why AJ went into rehab?"
"Um…" she pondered. "I don't think so."
I told her about that last day, how Kevin wigged out when AJ said he wasn't going to some stupid appearance with us, and how when we got back, AJ told us he had to leave the tour. I hadn't told her about that day, I really hadn't told anyone. It scared me just thinking about it, I had that same feeling in the pit of my stomach now, like my entire world was crumbling.
"So, um, Kevin's fault," I finished lamely, and she was quiet for a second.
"But it was good, wasn't it? AJ's better now."
"Yeah… he told me he thanked Kevin, that something needed to push him into rehab."
"He's a smart man, that AJ. Will I get to see him when we get to L.A.? Will he still be around?"
"Dunno," I mumbled. I hated feeling jealous. I shouldn't be jealous. Rachel loved me, and AJ loved Sarah.
"Well, tell him I'd like to see him. He could come to our show… oh. Probably not a good idea, taking him out to a bar to see a band."
"Probably not," I agreed. I almost said something about if they opened for us, she could see AJ every day, but that sounded petty, and I didn't want to talk about why they said "no" anymore. I didn't want to hear those answers.
"I wish I was there, Nick," she whispered. "It was hard today, wasn't it, seeing him again?"
"Yeah," I admitted, my arms aching to hold her.
"I know… I get that way whenever I'm away from the band for a while, going back is hard until you get used to it again. And this break was pretty fucking awesome." I could feel her smile, and it made me feel a little better.
"It was. I don't think I'm ready for my stupid life yet. I want to be with you."
"Two days," she soothed. "I can't wait to see you again."
"Really?" I asked.
She laughed. "Yeah, really."
"Then why-" I started, but stopped myself.
She knew what I was going to say anyway. "It wasn't personal, bunny. I know it feels that way, but it wasn't. It's just not the right time for us to be supporting an act like you. Even if we weren't dating and weren't going to get all that publicity, it's not right. We need to headline and get our own fans."
"I know," I grumbled.
"I wanted to," she said softly. "The selfish side of me wanted to spend every day with you. But I can't do that to the band. You understand?"
I nodded. I knew that all too well, choosing what the band wanted over what I wanted. What other choices were we going to have to make like that? "I know, Rache. Kevin thought it was a lousy idea, he kept bringing up Mandy."
She laughed. "Yeah, I hear that was a disaster and the fans hated her."
"How do you know that?" I asked.
"I read the websites, Nick. I'm just biding my time, I'm sure there will be anti-Rachel sites up soon enough."
"No!" I protested. I didn't want that to happen. "You're nice. They'll love you."
I hoped. I really did. My fans sometimes did weird things.
"Yeah, she sorta was a raving bitch, wasn't she?" Rachel laughed.
"Yeah," I had to agree.
"Was she nice to you, Nick?" she asked quietly, and I sighed.
"Not always. Haven't we had this conversation?"
"Not really," she prompted.
"Can we not? I just…" I felt like such a wimp. It would be different if she was here with me, but she wasn't. "It hasn't been a good day, Rache. Tell me happy things. Tell me all about your obsessed fans. Are they going to dye their hair like yours? I am going to start seeing 'wanton sex goddess' tank tops everywhere?"
"Alright, bunny," she indulged me and I could hear the smile in her voice. "Let me get comfy here and I'll tell you a bedtime story about my new fans."
Chapter
9:
Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3
| Page 4
Disclaimer
| Sudden
Silence
Website
Feedback to Authors | Tragical
Fiction (home)
(c)
2001
Some content not suitable for children. You have been warned.