Oreos
for Breakfast - Chapter 10
By
The Paperbag Princess and The Pumpkin
Coach
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"One… two… three…" Lola called out as the boys bounded onto the bus. I'd just said good bye to the nice Rolling Stone man, I'd gotten out of post-show schmoozing to talk to him. Okay, that was because I was supposed to talk to him alone before the show, but I was too fucking drunk. I hoped I was sober enough to talk to Rolling Stone all by myself. I felt good, he laughed at my jokes and listened when I talked, he wasn't going to write a story where I looked like the talentless token girl, right?
Three. She only counted three. I glanced out the window beside me and saw Nick about 10 feet away from the bus, surrounded by girls. That was a shock.
I yanked the window open and stuck my head out, "We're gonna leave you here, Nickolas!" I hollered from the window and the girls all giggled at me. One of them waved and smiled but the others didn't let their gaze fall from Nick's beautiful face. I didn't blame them. All the boys in the front row were short-changed tonight, I'd kept staring up at my beautiful boyfriend in the balcony all night.
He'd started drinking backstage and by the middle of the set and I think he'd caught up with my level of drunkenness earlier. I smiled to myself as I remembered him singing along with us on "Spin Around" and twirling himself around like an idiot, nearly falling off the balcony. Oh, I'd never have heard the end of it if that happened. Nick Carter breaks leg at girlfriend's show… tour cancelled.
I shuddered at the thought and watched him pose for one last picture and give the girl who'd waved at me a quick kiss on the cheek. She nearly fainted and I laughed as he ran onto the bus, falling next to me.
"What's so funny?" he looked down at me, his breathing heavy.
"You're winded from running 10 feet? Oh, the boys are gonna kill me if I send you back and you can't dance and sing at the same time!"
He rolled his eyes and bent down to me, "You just make my heart race, Rache," he growled into my ear and I was sober enough to think that was one of the cheesiest things I'd ever heard. I pushed him away, laughing and he landed on his butt in the aisle.
"Ow!" he whined, pouting up at me.
The boys were all laughing now and James came over, offering him a hand as the bus started to move.
"She's mean, isn't she? Does she beat you up all the time? You can tell us, man," James deadpanned.
"Hey, the girl can pack a punch," Jeremy interjected, sitting down on the couch across from us and downing his entire bottle of water in one gulp.
I scowled at him, "You are just a wimp!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
Darien stood up and screamed, "Stop it! You two will fight about anything! Jesus! Can we have two seconds peace before there's bloodshed on the bus?" He went back to the fridge and pulled out a couple more bottles of water and threw one over Nick's head to me.
Nick joined me again and stole my water bottle. I leaned around him, mouthing to Jeremy, "Are too!"
He stuck his tongue out at me, making me giggle. Sometimes it was fun to be childish and silly with Jeremy. It was so easy to forget that he could be that way, he was always being so serious.
"Come on,
J. Who's the one that nearly fainted when they got their tattoo?"
What was this? I looked over at James, raising my eyebrow and he just shook his head.
"Hey! Rachel screamed!" Jeremy argued.
"I got mine on my lower back, you sissy! Where's yours?" she teased and he mumbled something under his breath that I couldn't quite hear.
"Where? I know Rachel's," I looked down at her, licking my lips quickly, remembering running my tongue along it last night as I pounded into her. I could almost hear her moaning my name and taste the salty sweat on her skin. Would she let me do that tonight? Probably not. I think the ride to Vegas was a good 4 or 5 hours. "And James' is on his shoulder, Darien's is on his forearm…" I continued.
Jeremy scowled at me, standing up and pulling the left sleeve of his T-shirt up to show me the spiral on his upper arm.
"James and Jeremy match," Rachel giggled, "J & J, get it?"
I loved it when my girlfriend cracked herself up, she was so cute. I kissed her forehead quickly and looked back at Jeremy. Here was a game I could win! "Dunno, I thought the ones on my arms just kinda tickled. Now the one on my spine, that hurt like a son of a bitch. And on my calf. Damn."
Darien's ears perked up, "How many do you have, dude?"
"Ummm… two on each arm, one on each shoulder, both legs and the one on my spine?" I looked over at Rachel and I could see her counting them in her head.
"Yep. Nine. My boy is inked!"
Then Darien wanted to see them, so I pulled of my shirt and he came over to inspect them. He thought the wave on my leg was cool. Kevin liked to tease me that it just looked like a bruise. Fuck Kevin. Darien knew it was cool.
Rachel screamed and I turned my attention back to the rest of the bus.
"You are too a coward, J! You fainted when I pierced your ear!"
She threw something at him and Lola came back to us, wearing her stern teacher expression. It was amazing the way Lola could keep this group in line with just one word. "Stop!"
And don't you know… all movement stopped. I even held my breath and looked over at her, feeling guilty as hell and all I was doing was showing Darien my tattoos.
"You are not winning this argument, Jeremy. Rachel told me about piercing your ear. Hell, I bet Nick's little brother wasn't as much of a baby as you were."
How did Lola know that Aaron had his ears pierced? Was rock road manager Lola a closet Aaron Carter fan? I considered her. Nah. Actually, Aaron had screamed, but I wouldn't tell them that.
Rachel looked at me, "Aaron has his ears pierced?" Her voice was positively incredulous.
"So?"
"Lola, got a needle?" Rachel looked up at Lola, who just grinned back at her and disappeared under her bunk.
"What?" I asked again and Rachel smiled at me, shaking her head.
"I was just telling Lola how hot guys with earrings are." She glanced over at Jeremy and I noticed for the first time the small gold hoop that dangled from his left ear. Fuck. I was about to get my ear pierced, wasn't I? "And she asked me why you didn't have yours done. I thought maybe it was a Carter family rule or something."
"What, no holes, but you can tattoo the alphabet on your forehead?" James laughed and just then Lola reappeared, presenting a needle to Rachel. Where the hell did that come from? Did Lola have a whole drugstore in that bunk?
"Cool!" She turned toward me, poking at me with the needle.
He jumped about a foot off the couch and I couldn't help but laugh. He couldn't be afraid of needles, he had a million tattoos.
"Come on, Nick," I cooed at him, pulling on his arm to get him to sit back down with me. He was still pretty drunk, he wouldn't feel a thing. "It'll just take a second!"
"Yeah, Nick, all the cool kids are doing it." Lola interjected.
"You know you wanna," Darien teased.
James leaned over to us, "I wanna see if you faint like Jeremy. Maybe it has something to do with Rachel's taste in men."
Nick frowned at him and stole a quick glance at Jeremy, who was sitting back just watching us all. He'd moved from his water back to beer. Maybe he'd pass out soon and we wouldn't have to fight all night.
I leaned into Nick and ran my tongue down his ear, "You'd look so hot with an earring, baby." I whispered before biting down on his lobe hard. He yelped and I jumped back, giggling. "Ice!" I yelled to Lola and she quickly handed me a cup of ice.
"Hold this on your ear for 5 minutes, Nick," she instructed, "It's your right of passage. They all have their ears pierced."
He was so adorable, looking at each of us, not quite sure whether we were joking or not. Okay, I was half kidding, but I was still drunk enough to do it. I looked around, considering them. "Hey, I did all of your ears, didn't I?"
James nodded, "I was Rachel's first," he sighed dreamily.
"Not many can say that about the Diva Princess," Jeremy scowled.
I felt Nick's back stiffen and he took the ice from me, putting it against his ear. Good boy. Just then we hit a bump in the road and the ice fell out of Nick's hand. I handed him another piece and he dropped it after a few seconds. Maybe he was too drunk to do this properly.
I snuggled up to him and moved his hand away from his ear, sucking his lobe into my mouth, "Rache…" he squealed, his eyes darting around as everyone watched us. After a second he caught on, though, as I pushed the ice cube in my mouth against his ear. I held his hand in mine and stopped sucking for a moment to whisper, "Close your eyes, baby, I promise it'll be worth it."
He leaned his head back, moaning slightly as I sucked his earlobe back into my mouth and I tried not to laugh, my tongue going numb from the ice cube. After a few minutes, Lola handed me the needle and I released him. Before he could open his eyes, I quickly pierced his skin with the needle. He didn't scream, but I felt him take a quick breath before opening his eyes and looking over at me.
"See, that didn't hurt, baby."
The boys all clapped but Jeremy. Of course.
"That's not very hygienic," Jeremy stated, "We know where that mouth has been." I scowled at him, sticking out my tongue for effect.
"You're just mad that he didn't faint like you did."
"Umm… Rache?" Nick's voice was low and I looked back at him, "Is that blood?"
I looked down at my arm and there was a small trickle of blood running down it. Lola handed me a tissue and I cleaned it up quickly as Nick closed his eyes again, obviously trying not to think about it. By now, the boys were tired of watching us and turned on the video game. Quickly, they were busy blowing each other up and hooting at the scantily clad video chicks. Even James. The testosterone got to his head sometimes. Lola and I poured alcohol on Nick's ear and he managed not to scream, and then I put in the tiny hoop that I usually wore in my third hole.
"How's that, bunny?" she whispered, and I opened my eyes.
"It hurt," I admitted, and she smiled, kissing me.
"Just for a second. It stopped bleeding already. You've got to keep it in for a day. Or a week. Something."
I laughed at her confused expression. "I can't believe I let you do that. Is it all crooked? I bet you fucked it up."
She stuck her tongue out at me and dragged me out of my seat, pulling me into the bathroom so I could look in the mirror. "It's a hole, Nicky. It can't really be crooked."
I examined myself for a second. It did look pretty good, I had to admit. I liked that it was her earring, she wore this one almost every day. "Alright, it's cool," I told her, and she giggled.
I kissed her, shutting the door firmly behind us, and I could feel her smile as she heard the latch click. "Now why did you do that?" she whispered as I let her go. "There is no sex on the tourbus."
"No?" I questioned, nibbling at her neck. "Are you sure?"
"I am very sure, bunny. As… tempted as I might be…" she sighed as I slipped my hand under her shirt, cupping her breast lightly. "There is no privacy on this bus."
"Private, right here, the door's locked and everything," I offered. We could figure something out, right? It was a pretty small bathroom, but we could… oh, hell, I'd fuck her standing up.
"There is no privacy on this bus," she repeated, taking my hand in hers. "And no space. And you're pretty fucking drunk and I bet you'll be useless to me."
I pressed my hips against her so that she could feel how hard I was, and she licked her lips, sighing up at me. "Not useless."
"Okay…" she admitted. "But, really, sweetie. No. They're all awake out there, I can't bare the teasing. We'll be in Vegas in a few hours, we'll have a whole big hotel room all to ourselves."
I kissed her again, but I knew I was losing this discussion. "Don't you guys have a signal or something?"
"What?" she asked, giving me a mystified look.
"A signal. A 'don't come back here or I'll kill you' signal for the bus?"
She shook her head. "No. Do you? You can't. You have your own bus!"
"I didn't always have my own bus, Rache."
She giggled. "No! Who did you share with?"
"All of them. And I was the youngest, I was always getting kicked out of the room or something."
Giggling, she opened the door, pulling me out to the room with the others. "Guys! Nick says we need to have a signal so you won't bother us when we want to have sex on the bus."
"Fat chance, Rache," Darien snickered.
James hit 'pause' on the video game and looked up at us. "Only if I get to set up a video camera back there. You guys might outsell Pammy and Tommy Lee."
"Never happen," she said, shaking her head. "I have real breasts."
I woke up before I moaned, blinking into the darkness and moving against my hand. That was a nice dream, Nick was next to me on the bus and…
Nick was next to me on the bus. I smiled to myself and leaned back against him. We couldn't do anything, but it was nice to know he was here. No wonder the dream was so vivid, he was right here and we couldn't have sex. Why the hell did I say no to him in the bathroom earlier?
"Rache, what are you doing?" His voice was barely a whisper and I felt his breath on the back of my neck as he ran his hand down my arm under the blanket that covered us. Finding my hand, he laced his fingers with mine and rocked against me slightly so I could feel how much he wanted me.
"Nothing…" I sighed as he guided our hands back between my legs. I tried to stifle the groan that was escaping my throat as he pushed my fingers back against my sensitive flesh. My body stiffened and I tried not to breathe, listening for signs that everyone else was still fast asleep in their bunks. James was closest, just on the other side of the wall at my feet.
"Hmmm..." I could just hear the cocky grin in his voice as he murmured in my ear, "doesn't feel like nothing to me. Feels like you were having a good dream. Think I can get in on that?"
I shook my head and tried to move my hand away, but he held on to me firmly and pushed his leg between mine, opening me up to him. Suddenly my fingers were pushed back farther and I couldn't help but arch against them, moaning softly.
"Shhhh… Rache, you don't want to wake the bus, do you?" his teasing voice whispered in my ear and I bit my lip, stifling another moan as his fingers left mine to concentrate on other areas. "I thought there was no sex on the tourbus?"
She bit on her lip and arched her back against me and I could feel her orgasm start to overtake her. Damn, she never came that quickly when I did this. I ran my tongue along her neck and she started to moan again before catching herself and turning her head against her pillow quickly. I pulled on her nipples roughly as her orgasm took hold and she bucked back against me hard.
God, she was sexy. Even lying here in the dark, barely moving and not making a sound, she was the sexiest woman I'd ever been with. I pushed my hips against her and she reached back for me, sliding her hand down the front of my shorts, her slick fingers coating me with her wetness and teasing me. She turned carefully to face me and we both stopped moving, listening as James moved in the bunk near us, his long legs hitting the wall at our feet. I pulled her body closer to me and felt her shake against my chest as she tried not to laugh out loud.
I pushed my hips against her and she looked up at me. Even in the darkness, I could see her smile as her thumb pressed against the swollen head of my cock. I leaned down and bit on her shoulder as she increased her pressure and started to pull quickly on me. I sucked on her skin and concentrated on the feel of her hand around me. Her body was so soft and warm… I inhaled her scent deeply as I exploded around her hand.
She held onto me, lightly pulling on my cock as she tilted her head back so she could kiss my neck, sucking lightly on my skin as my body stopped shuddering. Then she rolled away slightly and pulled my T-shirt up and over my head, using it to wipe up the mess I'd made.
"Sorry, Rache…" I whispered in the silence between us and she smiled up at me again, kissing my cheek quickly.
"You started this, you're sleeping in it," she whispered, her mouth next to my ear before she moved so I could lay down on my back. I winced slightly as the cool moisture hit my bare skin and she giggled quietly, lying beside me and resting her head on my chest.
I stroked her hair and felt her eyelashes flutter against my chest as she closed her eyes, "Sweet dreams, Rache," I murmured as I felt her relax against me and I kissed the top of her head. She was sound asleep again in seconds, she'd had a long day.
I laid there for a while, holding her, but all I could think of was making love to her, and that wasn't going to happen here. I wasn't sure if it was physically possible. We barely had enough room in the bunk for the two of us when we were lying still. Holding my breath, I moved away, tucking the sheet around her so she wouldn't touch the wet spot.
I tumbled into the walkway between the bunks and froze, hoping I didn't wake anyone up. There had been some video games and stuff when we got on the bus, but after about an hour, we all crashed. They'd had a long day and my high from getting my ear pierced left me exhausted. No one moved, so I grabbed my backpack from the empty bunk above us and went to the front of the bus, pulling a clean T-shirt over my head.
Rachel had two bunks, a top and a bottom, and Lola was across the aisle from her. The boys shared the other group of four. Rachel's top bunk was supposed to be mine, but I hadn't slept by myself on this bus yet, and I didn't plan to start. I liked getting all tangled up with her in that tiny bed, listening to her as she breathed against me.
I fell onto the couch and started to point the remote at the TV. No. That would wake everyone up, and I didn't want them hating me. At the moment even Jeremy was being nice to me, I should let him sleep a little longer. I found my Walkman instead and turned the volume down. Maybe music would make me sleepy.
There was a deck of cards on the table next to me, and I picked them up, shuffling them. James and Darien had been playing gin or something while we sat around and they told me all about their day, and they'd compared notes on talking to the reporter from Rolling Stone. He'd been with them all day, and had interviewed them together and separately. He'd even talked to Lola. He wanted to talk to me, and I managed to avoid him. They were all impressed with that.
I started to lay out a game of solitaire, laughing to myself. I never played solitaire, but it fit here, with this band. There was always a card game going on somewhere, and I sucked at all of them. Maybe playing against myself, I'd win.
A few minutes later, I felt someone watching me, and looked up, finding James considering me with an almost disappointed look on his face. Disappointed, I knew that feeling. I was hoping for Rachel. I pulled off my headphones and nodded at him anyway. "Hey."
He nodded back. "She still asleep?"
Except for that little five minute tryst, yeah. "Yeah. She's exhausted, she didn't even notice when I crawled out."
He came over to the table, staring at my game of solitaire. "She was still a little drunk."
I laughed. He hadn't seen her in the dressing room before we joined the guys for dinner. "That was nothing."
He moved a card and flashed me a smile. "Don't worry, we'll be awake in Vegas. She'll play with you then."
I shook my head, looking back at the cards. "I don't mind."
I could feel him look at me for a moment, and then he moved away, opening the refrigerator and looking inside. "Thank god for Darien," I heard him say as he took out a bottle of water. Darien had gone shopping today, so the kitchen was stocked. He'd taken the guy from Rolling Stone with him, the band was talking about that before we all went to bed. I couldn't wait to read this article. I just hoped I wasn't in it. She'd hate that and Jeremy… oh, I didn't even want to think about what he'd do. No, I'd managed to avoid the guy when we were backstage, maybe he didn't even notice me.
Doubtful. Rachel was drunk and giggly and sweet, I'm sure everyone noticed us together. Well, fuck it. Let it be in Rolling Stone. I was in love with her, I didn't care who knew it. I just didn't want it to lead to bad press for her. Didn't she tell me a couple of days ago that I was a 'black hole of indie cred'?
James was wandering around the bus, and I glanced over at him. He looked out the window, picked up a magazine and put it back down, rearranged some of the toys. I lost at solitaire and shuffled the cards back together, catching him looking towards the bunks when I looked up.
"I shouldn't wake her up, right?" he asked, dropping into the chair across from me.
"Is something wrong?" I wondered, looking at him. Like he'd tell me. I knew he wanted Rachel.
He shrugged. "I just had a bad dream. Not bad, even. About her dad."
"You dream about her dad?"
"I can dream about him. I loved him, too." I started to say something and he shook his head. "Sorry. I shouldn't have snapped."
"Of course you can dream about him. I just… never thought about it, I guess. That you knew him, too."
He took a drink of his water, slouching lower in his chair. "He was a really great guy. He understood me a fuck of lot more than my dad ever has."
I didn't know much about James and his family. He and Rachel had both mentioned at times that he spent all his time at her place, of course he knew her entire family. They all loved him, even the kids thought James was one of the family.
"It's nothing," he went on. "It's just three in the morning and I'm getting maudlin."
"What was the dream about?"
He met my eyes, taking another drink. "Nothing. Just that he was there. It was a show… one of those weird dream shows, ya know?" He smiled a bit when I nodded. "It was me, and Rachel, and Jeremy, only now that I think about it, he was JC Chasez-"
"Of course," I interrupted, and he grinned at me.
"I am predictable even in dreams," he admitted. "But it was obviously a dream because JC, or Jeremy, or whoever he was was playing guitar, and none of your boy band losers can do that…"
"Hey!" I whined, kicking him under the table, and he laughed.
"Anyway," he went on. "Me, Rachel, Jeremy/JC and my mom. We were the band, and mom didn't know any of the songs -- surprise, that. John was there, so he was teaching Mom how to play the drums."
"Did he really play the drums?" I wondered. I had no idea.
James snickered. "No. Not to the best of my knowledge, at least. He was passable at the piano. He sang well. So, see, none of it makes any sense. Stupid dream."
"Were you naked or anything interesting like that? I'm always naked in my dreams."
He raised an eyebrow at me. "I've gotta have some of your dreams."
I flirted back. "You probably wouldn't be able to handle the excitement."
That made him laugh. "It's been a while, Nicky, you're probably right."
"What, you're not fighting off the groupies like the rest of them?"
He rolled his eyes, reaching for the cards in front of me. "Not a fuck of a lot of gay groupies, unfortunately." He started shuffling the cards, packing them together and starting over again. "So," he mused. "If he was Jeremy, but really JC, does that mean I have a crush on Jeremy? Ew!" He shuddered, and I laughed.
"That's gross, man. I'm not sure how Rachel did it for so long."
"One must admit that he's hot."
"I suppose," I mumbled. I didn't want to admit that he was hot. I guess he was… he had good cheekbones and pretty eyes. He was a pretty boy, I wouldn't think of him as 'hot'. But then again, I wasn't gay.
James laughed and started dealing out cards. "He's hot, Nick. He may have a million other faults, but he's hot. That is one thing Rachel and I could agree on."
I started to pick up my cards, then looked at him. "What are we playing?"
He shrugged. "Gin? Pounce sucks with two."
"I suck at Gin," I informed him.
"You suck at Pounce, too, and you play that."
I scowled at him and got up, looking for my bag. "Dominos? Do you play that?"
He shrugged. "Sure." He'd cleaned up the cards when I got back with my dominos.
"This is a Backstreet game," I told him, setting them up.
"Only fair," he yawned. "We taught you the Sudden Silence game."
"Did you want to go back to bed?" I asked. "I can amuse myself." I'd be bored, but I could. I was really glad for the company, actually, I wasn't good by myself.
He shook his head, flipping over his tiles. "I'm awake now. Maybe I'll sleep when we get to the hotel… then again, it is Vegas."
"Do you guys gamble?" He raised an eyebrow at me and I laughed, looking back at my tiles. "Stupid question." They gambled on everything. Everything was a bet, for shots or a buck or who got to carry the equipment.
"Ever stay at the Hard Rock?" he asked, and I shook my head. "We love the Hard Rock. It's totally hip, the pool is great, and it's never really crowded. Even the standard rooms are awesome, you won't feel too cramped."
"I'm not as spoiled as you all think I am," I informed him. "As long as there's a bed and a shower, I don't really care."
"With us, maybe. What happens when you're on tour, and Kevin gets a bigger room? Do you pout?"
I looked up with a smile. "You have no idea how fun it is to pout at Kevin. It gets him all angry and freaked out."
James laughed. "Is he the Jeremy? Freaks out over every little thing?"
"No… he's pretty mellow. But I drive him crazy, so I play with that sometimes. Not like Jeremy…if he drives everyone so crazy, why did you let him back in the band?"
He just looked at me for a moment, and I dropped my eyes to my tiles, picking one and adding it to the game. Shit. I shouldn't have said that… even Rachel had never really given me an answer to that question.
"Wanna know the truth?"
"Yes," I answered too quickly, looking back at him.
"He's back in the band because I knew it would freak Rachel out."
I just blinked at him for a moment, and he smiled. "Do you know anything about that sorry point in the history of the band?" I shook my head and he leaned closer to me over the table, our game forgotten. "Alright, so we kick Jeremy out of the band. Like a month later, Rachel decides to screw us and goes to London to be with the dickhead. So Rachel and I aren't speaking-"
I interrupted him. "You and Rachel weren't speaking?" How was that possible? Rachel and James talked constantly.
"Shocking, isn't it?" he shrugged. "I was a little pissed off at her."
"Because she went to be with Damon?" I'd never ask her to do anything like that. Probably. If I asked her, and James got mad, who would she chose?
"Um… not entirely." He scratched his head, sitting back in his chair. "After we kicked Jeremy out, my boyfriend asked me to choose between him and the band. I picked the band. Obviously, as I am here, and not working some dull day job and living with Michael."
"How long had you been with Michael?"
"Four years, give or take. A little more than Rachel and Jeremy."
Wow. That was serious. And he picked the band? What would Rachel pick, if I made her choose?
Why was I torturing myself with these questions? Rachel and I hadn't even been together for four weeks.
James sighed. "Yeah. Serious. But I picked the band. Then a few weeks later Rachel picked Damon. I was a bit pissed off, yeah. She tried to tell me it wasn't like that, it wasn't the same thing, and she wasn't giving up on the band. She just needed to go and see what happened. We'd start on the new album soon… whatever. So we didn't speak the entire time she was in London with him. And… then her dad died."
He looked sad, the same sort of faraway look Rachel got when she talked about her dad. "Our fight was really unimportant then. Everything seemed really unimportant, and it was months before we even thought about the band again. Rachel was writing, but she wouldn't leave Cutoghue."
He looked at me, his eyes serious. "You have no idea how bad she was, Nick. Whatever you think, double it. Hell, triple it. I've never seen someone so heartbroken. I did everything I could to help her. I listened to her for hours, I brought her presents, played her music… sometimes she would seem a little bit like my Rachel, but then she'd disappear again."
No wonder we'd never talked about this. It was worse than I thought it was.
He went on, staring out the window. "You know how she is. Her life is centered around three basic things: her family and the band and her boyfriend."
The boyfriend got to be part of that? Really? Was I that important?
Well, not yet. It hadn't been that long, right?
"She felt like she'd lost all three of those things, and she was drowning. I was there, but I'm not one of those things-"
I interrupted him. "You're family."
"What?" He turned to look at me.
"You're family," I told him. What, he didn't know that? "If Rachel has three things that are important to her, you're family. And the band. So you get double duty, right?"
He returned my smile. "I guess…" he admitted, and I rolled my eyes at him.
"You've known her forever, and she tells you everything. You're the most important man in her life, even I know that."
He shrugged. "So, well… I wasn't enough, then. Her family wasn't enough, because they all had to deal with John's death. They were good, fuck, they were amazing, but they had their own problems, too. I wasn't about to call either of the ex's, they would be no help. That left us with the band. I tried to get her interested in that, but the one thing that made her feel anything was when I told her that Jeremy wanted to come back."
"What was he doing this whole time?"
James shrugged. "Writing. He played with a couple of other bands, but just as a pickup guitarist, nothing real."
"No, I meant… did he talk to Rachel?" I wasn't sure what I wanted the answer to that question to be.
"Oh." James nodded at me. "She wouldn't speak to him. But he was at the funeral, he called me for updates. He did love her. Still does, in his weird Jeremy way. I know it's hard to believe, but he's not evil." He smiled a little and I shrugged.
"So he wanted back into the band?"
"Yeah. I mentioned it to Rachel and she freaked out, and I was almost glad. It was the most emotion she'd shown in weeks. She was just… numb. At least when I saw her. She had all these songs, so she was feeling something, but I'm not sure when. I tried to make her come back to the band, Darien and I went out to the house a few times, but she wasn't interested. None of us were. We needed Jeremy. We fight and we write songs and somehow that works for us."
I couldn't imagine. When my band wrote songs, we all got together in a room and played around. Sometimes we'd disagree a little, but there was none of the screaming I imagined that Sudden Silence got into. Then again, we'd never laid down two complete tracks in four hours, either, like they did today.
"So, one day in New York, Darien and I met up with Jeremy, and within a few hours, we had songs with no words. I told Rachel about it, and she freaked out, and by the end of the conversation I told her that Jeremy was back in the band. Darien and I had overruled her. He wasn't, of course. I was just doing it to piss her off."
"Does she know this?" I had to ask, and he laughed.
"Yeah. Took me a little while, but I have no secrets from her. By then, she was better. Because the next day, she was in New York, demanding to hear the songs, and a few weeks later we all went up to her place and recorded an album. You know the rest."
"How did that work with them, Rachel and Jeremy, I mean?"
"He was on his best behavior. All three of us were, she was just so fragile. We sorta let her do whatever she wanted, as long as it was making music, until maybe… dunno… two weeks in? Jeremy forgot, because she'd been acting so normal, and he hated her guitar line and told her so and they started fighting like they always do."
"Why do they always fight?" I wondered. Sometimes they were fine, but other times he'd make little comments just to piss her off and I'd want to smack him. Not my battle to fight, I knew that, but still…
James shrugged. "They just do. Always have. But that fight was a good one, it meant that everything was sorta back to normal. Rachel told me later it was the longest she'd gone without thinking about her dad since he died. It's been a long road, but she's better now." He looked at me sharply. "You make her happy."
That sounded more like a warning. "I try," I offered.
"Keep trying, little man, and I won't have to kill you."
"What are you gonna do, James, outdress me?" I joked, and thankfully he accepted it. I didn't want to hear how he was going to kill me if I broke Rachel's heart. Hell, I'd kill me if I broke Rachel's heart.
"I have about 2 inches on you, I could take you," he threatened.
"I probably outweigh you by 50 pounds. I could crush you," I fired back.
What the hell was that? I rolled over, blinking into the darkness. There was laughter, and boys taunting each other, that was pretty typical for my life.
That was James and Nick.
"I bet I can pick up more guys than you can," Nick laughed. "We have lots of gay groupies."
"Yes, gay men do traditionally enjoy soulless pop music," James replied in his driest tone, and I giggled to myself, rolling out of my bunk, skillfully avoiding the wet spot. We were so sleeping in the top bunk when we came back to bed.
"What is this, competitive dominos?" I asked, squinting at the light. They were sitting at the table in the front of the bus, a game of dominos spread out in front of them.
"Rachel!" they both cried, and I felt terribly popular.
"He said I make soulless pop music!" Nick whined. "Make him stop picking on me!"
"Aw, poor Nicky," I soothed, moving over to the table and petting his hair. "Was mean old James picking on you?"
Nick smirked at James and I shook my head. "Now, I think I overheard you saying that you could pull more guys than him? I'd like to see that, little man. We'll go to a gay bar tonight and let the best man win."
"Ha!" James crowed. "Outside of a Backstreet show, I will so win."
"How long has it been since you got laid, James?" I questioned innocently, and he threw a pillow at me.
"Shut up, bitch. I'm just more discriminating than some people I could mention."
"Hey, I wasn't part of this pissing match, don't drag me into it!" I giggled, going over to the fridge. "How much have you two been drinking?"
"Nothing!" they informed me, and indeed, all the beer that Darien had gotten today seemed to still be there. I grabbed a water and leaned against the counter, considering them with a yawn.
"So why are we up? Bad dreams?" Nick and James exchanged a look, and I went over to them, sitting down next to Nick.
"Not bad, really," James started, and Nick laughed.
"Unless you think too hard about that JC/Jeremy thing."
They both giggled and I just blinked at them. Nick and James now had in-jokes that I was not part of? I wasn't sure whether to be pleased that my two favorite guys liked each other, or be pissed that I didn't get the joke. "What?" I whined. "Was it a JC/Jeremy sandwich? Did you have to sleep with J to get to the man of your dreams?"
"No, Jeremy was JC. Or JC was Jeremy… it was the band, and Jeremy was there, but when I woke up, I realized he was JC."
"Dude, you totally have a crush on J!" I laughed. "Freud would love you."
"Freud already loves me, Rache, I'm gay. My subconscious is his playground. Anyhow, your dad was there."
"Oh." I smiled at him, leaning against Nick and letting him put his arm around me. "Those are usually good dreams to me."
"Yeah…" James considered. "It wasn't bad. I just woke up and couldn't get back to sleep."
"Yeah, I do that, too. And with Dad dreams, I want to go back to sleep, and dream it again, but I never can." I was quiet for a minute, considering. "You probably dreamt about him because Rolling Stone guy was asking about him."
James nodded. "Yeah… can you imagine how many times he'd call TRL for us, Rache?" he asked, smiling at me.
I grinned, ignoring that tiny, sad part of me. "A million. He and the girls would fight over it."
"He'd run the street team," James joked, and I laughed.
"Yep, give up the winery to run our street team. He was devoted, James, but not that bad. If Katie was a few years older, though…" I mused. I had messages from mom and the girls today, I needed to call them. Maybe when we got into Vegas… it would be later at home. "What time is it?"
"3:30," Nick answered, yawning.
"Can we go back to bed? That's a couple of hours sleep before we get to Vegas." I was so exhausted, and I couldn't wait to be settled at the hotel and know that we had a whole day off ahead of us.
"Sure," Nick answered, and I looked over at James.
"Are you gonna be okay, honey?" I asked him, and he nodded.
"I'm good, Rache. I'll watch some bad TV in the back, I'll be asleep in 15 minutes."
"Alright…" I stood up, giving James a kiss before I started back towards the bed. "Love you."
"Love you, too," he answered. "Nick, thanks for keeping me company."
"Thanks for telling me gossip," Nick grinned, and I turned around to look at him.
"What gossip?"
He looked caught and James laughed. "I told him why Jeremy's back in the band, Rache. No deep dark secrets, I promise." I wrinkled my nose at him, and they both laughed at me.
"You guys are gonna have such a good 'Behind the Music'," Nick teased. "Drama all over the place."
I started to say something, then shook my head. "Whatever. I'm sure we'll discuss it in the morning. 'Night, James!" I called, leading Nick back towards our bunk.
"We're sleeping in the top one?" he asked, and I giggled, lifting myself up into it.
"I need to ask Lola what I need to do to get the sheets washed," I said as his smiling face appeared over the edge. He hopped in and laid down, pulling me against his body.
"That's Lola's job. Right?"
I smiled up at him. "You never question the clean sheets on your bus, do you?"
"Uh… no," he admitted. "Learn to live like a rock star, Rache. Someone else will take care of your messes."
Chapter
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