Oreos for Breakfast - Chapter 10
By The Paperbag Princess and The Pumpkin Coach

Corresponding KTBPA Message Board Posts (Fictional!)

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I leaned against Rachel, yawning. I hadn't slept much on the bus, too excited to be near Rachel again and then talking to James. I was starving, too, was that a restaurant across the casino floor?

I'd never been to the Hard Rock casino… or maybe I just didn't remember. We always stayed at the bigger casinos in Vegas, but this was pretty cool. It was a lot smaller than the casinos I was used to, everything was wood, rock memorabilia on every wall. I could see why Rachel liked it so much.

Rachel, James and Darien were discussing sitting out next to the pool later today, while Jeremy stood apart, not joining in. He looked tired, or upset, or something, playing with the handle of his suitcase and watching Rachel.

I hated it when he watched Rachel. They were together for four years, I shouldn't freak out, but… sometimes I did. He caught me looking at him and met my eyes for a second before turning around to Lola when she came over with our keys.

Of course he met my eyes. Why wouldn't he? He was the one that had been with her forever, he was in her band and they saw each other every day. I was too young and never around.

Lola started to say something and Jeremy held out his hand. "Just give me a key, Lola. I need a shower and a bed."

She raised an eyebrow at him and checked her clipboard. "Here. Darien, you're across the hall and-"

"I'm not staying in this room."

Everyone turned to look at Jeremy and he shoved his key card at Rachel. "Rachel and the boy toy can stay there."

Lola pouted at him. "What? Why? I got you all upgraded to suites!"

"I'm not staying in that fucking room!" He shouted, and took off. He didn't even take his bag, he just headed right out the main door. I blinked after him for a minute, then turned to ask Rachel what the hell was wrong with him, but her face was pale as she looked down at the key in her hand.

"Fuck," she whispered, then handed the key to James. "Fix it," she commanded, running after Jeremy.

Running after Jeremy? What the fuck? Why the hell would she do that? I started to follow them, but James caught my arm. "Let them be. She'll be back in a minute."

"But-" I started to protest, and James just shook his head.

"Let them be. I have an idea what's going on, but I'll let her tell you." He turned back to Lola. "Here, honey, you stay in that room. Give Jeremy yours."

She laughed. "The boy toy can have it."

"No, Rachel won't want to stay there, either."

What the hell? What could have possibly happened in that room? It must be something about the room, not the hotel, right? Hell, I couldn't remember what my room number was for any current hotel I might be in, let alone a hotel from a year ago.

It would be more than a year if it was a Jeremy and Rachel thing. They'd broken up like two years ago… unless there was something she wasn't telling me?

I stepped away from our group, ducking a little to see Rachel and Jeremy outside. She was holding his hands in hers, talking at him intently. While I watched, she reached up and stroked his cheek.

She did that to me! Did she have the same look in her eyes? That look always made me melt, it made me forget about anything but her and her sweet smile.

It must be the same look, because they just stood there for a minute, then Jeremy nodded, making her laugh and pull him back inside. I moved back over to our group and took our key from Lola.

That is, if Rachel was still staying with me.

"I'll stay in a regular room, Lola," Jeremy offered as they rejoined us. "It was sweet of you to get us upgrades, but I don't care."

She laughed. "I'll trade with you. Is that okay? Am I allowed to stay there, or will the bad karma fuck up the tour?"

He rolled his eyes and took his new key from her. "No, you're allowed. Can we go?"

Lola waved us on and Rachel smiled as she took her suitcase from me. "What room are we in, bunny?"

"1627," I told her, following Darien to the elevators. I wanted to be mean, but I didn't want Jeremy to see that I was upset. The others talked around me and I just let them, wondering why Rachel had just been so fucking nice to Jeremy. She hated Jeremy. He was in her band, but their relationship was long over and she didn't care about him anymore, she'd told me that.

Finally, we were in our room. I wasn't sure which room was the bad one, but she and Jeremy didn't mention it if we passed it. She put down her suitcase and walked over to the windows, opening them as I shut the door behind us. "Ooh, a view of the pool, tres chic," she giggled, glancing over at me.

"Nothing wrong with the view?" I asked. "Is it just that one room that's terrible?"

She understood the tone in my voice and sighed, walking into the bedroom with her suitcase. "It's just that room, Nick."

"Why?" I demanded.

"Because… " she hesitated, concentrating on putting some clothes in a drawer. "Because J and I came here on a vacation a while ago."

"So? I can't believe you remember the room number. Must have been some pretty good sex. Did you break the bed?" I sounded stupid and bitter. But I hated it when she called him 'J,' that made it sound like she liked him.

"No. It wasn't the sex. It was… it was nothing, bunny. He's just tired and strung out, he overreacted."

"Why couldn't we stay there, then? Would you miss him too much?"

She whirled around to face me, slamming her hand on the dresser. "Don't be an idiot. No. I just didn't want to."

"Why? What's the big fucking deal?"

She started to say something, then sighed in frustration and pulled out some clothes. "Can you just let it fucking go? I'm going to take a shower."

"No, I can't let it go! Tell me what happened!"

"No," she said, walking back to the bathroom. "I'm not fighting about it. I'm going to take a shower."

I heard him yell as I shut the door behind me, but I didn't care. Let him leave. He was acting like a baby, I just didn't want to stay in that fucking room, and Nick was going to have to deal with it. Not everything needed to be a crisis.

I pulled stuff out of my make up bag, slamming it onto the counter. This was a nice bathroom, everything was marble, and the tub should be… I turned around and smiled at it. The Hard Rock had the best standard tubs, super deep and long, two people could easily fit in here. Even Jeremy and his long legs fit into these tubs.

He'd proposed to me when I was in this tub. I'd been soaking in mountains of bubbles and he came in with a ring and a rose, fell to his knees next to me and proposed.

Fuck.

I yanked open the door and started to yell for Nick, but caught myself.

30 seconds and he'd trashed the room. The comforter was off the bed and his stuff had exploded out of his backpack, all over the dresser and the table next to the windows. He had the remote in one hand, scowling at the TV as he flipped through channels.

He was even cute when he was pissed at me.

I turned the TV off at the set and sat next to him. "Hey!" he whined, and I stroked his hair.

"I'm sorry, Nick. I was being stupid."

"Yeah," he agreed. "What the hell happened?"

I shook my head. "I'm not going to fight about it, I meant that part." He pouted down at me and I kissed him quickly. "I'm going to shower, I feel gross. You calm down a little and then we'll talk. Okay? I am sorry, I didn't mean to piss you off."

He considered me for a long moment, then sighed. "Yeah. Sorry I was yelling," he offered, and I kissed him again, deeper this time, relaxing when he pulled me closer. "I love you, Rache," he whispered, and I nodded.

"I love you, too. We'll talk in a minute."

I stood up, going back to the bathroom and he sighed. "Can I order breakfast? I'm hungry."

"Let's go down to the restaurant, okay? 15 minutes, I'll be ready."

"Fine," he grumped, and I went into the bathroom before he saw me giggle. He did petulant well.

It would be easier to talk in the restaurant, a little less intimate. This was stuff I hadn't thought about in years, I wasn't sure how I'd react when I thought about it. It was a long time ago, but it had been the beginning of the end for Jeremy and I, that 12 hour or so engagement. We'd gone from romance and rings to destroying the band pretty damn quickly, and it wasn't something I liked to think about much.

I started the water and pulled off my clothes, remembering the last time I'd been at this hotel. We loved the Hard Rock, the entire band. They were in the business of making all of their clients feel like rock stars, even the ones in bands that no one had ever heard of. We always stayed here whenever we were in Vegas.

"Rache?" Nick's voice was low on the other side of the door and I opened it a crack, poking my head out. "I need to shower, too," he pleaded.

"You can wait," I teased, knowing he wanted to join me.

"But I'm hungry. If we shower together, we'll save time."

"I doubt that," I answered, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I'll be good, I promise," he smiled, and I shook my head, letting him in. He gave me his best cocky grin and I had to kiss him, laughing.

"I'm starving too, so there will be no sex."

He nodded, unzipping his shorts and letting them fall off. "There will be wet, slippery Rachel, that will hold me through breakfast."

I giggled and turned to the shower, checking the temperature of the water with my hand. "Wet, slippery Rachel? Is that as opposed to rock star Rachel?"

He stepped into the shower behind me, pulling the curtain closed behind us. "Exactly. It's like doctor Barbie and ballerina Barbie. Different, yet the same."

"Do you need to collect the whole set?" I asked, leaning back to wet my hair.

"Yeah…" he said quietly, watching me. "It might take me a while. Every once in a while, I see a new one, and that's really cool."

My throat tightened at the look in his eyes. It was never this easy to get over a fight with Jeremy, there would be no teasing and sweet words just moments after we were sniping at one another. "I love you, bunny."

He grinned, stepping past me to get under the water. "That's my favorite Rachel catchphrase."

Laughing, I found the shampoo. "Do I have others?"

"Um…" he considered. "You answer your phone with that little 'Rachel Connor!'. And you say 'whatever' a lot. Rock Star Rachel also obsessively unpacks in every hotel room."

"Well, groupie Nick Carter destroys every hotel room he enters. How the hell did you mess up the bedroom in 30 seconds, baby?" I smiled, pushing him out of the way so that I could rinse my hair.

"I was looking for my Gameboy!" he defended, his voice squeaking, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, and I'm sure that was at the top of your backpack. That thing has the mass of a planet, I can't believe you carry all that crap around."

"I need that crap!" he whined again and we spent the rest of our shower teasing each other about hotel habits.

It was only seven o'clock in the morning on a Tuesday, so we were two of the only people in the restaurant. I half expected to see one of the band, but maybe they were all sleeping. I wondered what she was going to tell me that she couldn't tell me in our room. Wouldn't it be better if we could cuddle up on the bed and she could tell me about the horrible things that happened with her and Jeremy?

"The waffles have the Hard Rock logo in them," she offered, looking at the menu, and I slammed mine down.

"That's all I need to hear," I told her, and she smiled. Half an hour ago, I was angry, but it was too hard. Why waste the time being angry with her, when it was better to have her smiling at me? She was with me, not Jeremy. Whatever happened at this hotel, it wasn't good. They weren't together.

The waitress came over with our coffee and we both ordered the waffles. Rachel fixed her coffee with sugar and milk, then looked up at me. "Okay. I have caffeine, I can talk now."

"What's the evil room and why is it evil?"

"1642 and… it's a long story."

"You're off today. I'm not doing anything. Go."

She smiled. "Alright then. Um… Jeremy and I liked Vegas. Well, the whole band loves Vegas, but Jeremy and I would come here every year, just the two of us, and stay here at the Hard Rock. We came… three times? Four? On vacation. We'd gamble and drink a lot and, well…"

I tried not to sound jealous. "Have sex." They were a couple, they could do that.

She shrugged. "Yeah. Lots of that. It was fun… even if we were having problems at home, we'd come here and forget about them somehow. So, I guess it was two years ago that we were having major problems-"

"What kind of problems?" I really didn't know why they broke up. Just that they did.

"Oh, everything, Nick. The band, and money, and cheating on each other…" she drifted off, sipping her coffee. "Lots of cheating on each other. He was with this girl… Nancy. Usually his flings were one night stands, but this girl tended bar at the place around the corner from our apartment, and she was always flirting with him. One night we had a huge screaming fight and he took off and didn't come back for a day, wouldn't tell me where he was. I went to the bar for a drink a couple of days later with James and she just couldn't wait to tell me."

"What did you do?" I asked. That had to suck. How could he cheat on Rachel like that? He had Rachel at home, and he was sleeping with some bartender?

She laughed. "I gave her a lousy tip and left, went home and screamed at Jeremy. He told me he'd never see her again, he wouldn't go to the bar again… but he went back to her a few times. I'm still not sure if it was just to piss me off or because he actually liked her. So, anyway, like a month later, he comes in one morning after being out all night and hands me two plane tickets to Vegas." She gave me a warning look. "Do not think that presents will get you out of arguments with me, but I didn't rip them up. I intended to bring James, actually, but Jeremy managed to change my mind after some groveling and pleading and really good sex."

How good was the sex? She told me once that I was better than him, but maybe she was just saying that to be nice. It would have to be really good sex to get her to forgive him, right?

She reached out, taking my hand. "I'm not gonna do that again, so don't get any ideas," she warned, smiling a bit. "Good sex does not make up for every sin, even though I used to think so with him."

I pouted at her, making her laugh and lean over to kiss me.

"It makes up for some sins," she offered. "Like when my boyfriend is grumpy and pouty and jealous over my stupid ex."

"Good to know," I teased, and she giggled.

"But speaking of the stupid ex… we came to Vegas. We were checking in here, and the desk clerk asked if we were in town for business or pleasure, and Jeremy calmly tells her that we're eloping, we're in Vegas to get married."

I dropped her hand, staring at her in shock. If she told me that she and Jeremy got married…

Shaking her head, she laughed. "He was scamming for a better room. Which we got. Suite 1642. We were totally amused by that, so we scammed all day, telling anyone who would ask that we were getting married the next day. We got free drinks and free slot pulls and all sorts of crap. We just laughed about it, but then…"

The waitress arrived with our food, and Nick let go of my hand reluctantly as she set it down. I was glad for the distraction. Should I tell Nick all about how terribly romantic Jeremy's proposal was? Or should I just pretend I wasn't swept off my feet?

How else did I explain being at the Elvis wedding chapel at 11 a.m. the next day?

The waitress left and Nick leaned forward. "But then what?"

"But then you should eat your waffles before they get cold."

"Rache!" he whined, and I laughed.

"Fine. But then I was taking a bath before we went out for the evening, and he came in with a ring and a rose. He proposed, Nick."

He just looked at me in shock for a moment. "Did you…"

"We booked a slot at the Elvis wedding chapel the next morning. I wore the ring all night and he kept calling me 'Mrs. Nolan,' and it… it was really nice." We didn't even have sex that night, we wanted to save ourselves for marriage, we'd joked. It might have been one of the happiest nights we'd ever had together.

Nick was still just staring at me, slack jawed, and I reached over, shutting his mouth for him. "They called our names at the chapel and I couldn't move. I turned to look at him, I remember this so clearly, I wanted him to tell me it was going to be okay, that this was good, and he was as panicked as I was. So we told them 'thanks, but no,' very politely and came back to the hotel and…"

Fucked like rabbits. Tore each other's clothes off and destroyed the room. Sex was how Jeremy and I solved every problem.

"Didn't really talk about it. I took off the ring and put it with his stuff and I have no idea if he still has it."

"You didn't fight?" Nick asked, incredulous, and I pushed the syrup over to him.

"We didn't talk about it. We were embarrassed. No one really knows… James, of course. I don't know who Jeremy's told, if anyone. But that was the beginning of the end. It was right before we went out on the Blur tour, and his cheating got worse, and the power struggle we had with the band got worse and finally I kicked him out of our apartment. We were in New York with Blur. Now, that was an ugly fight," I mused, remembering that long, horrible day, when I'd told him it was over and we'd screamed at each other for an hour. I left, telling him to get his stuff together and be out by the time I got back. He was, but the apartment was trashed.

"Was that the CD thing?" Nick asked, contemplating his waffles. "Where he put them all in the wrong cases?"

I giggled, taking a bite of my breakfast. "Did I tell you about that? Yeah, that was it. And lighter fluid on my clothes, but he stopped himself from actually setting them on fire. Even Jeremy realized that would be unforgivable."

"Why did you forgive him, Rache? Why is he still in the band? James told me his side of it last night, but I still don't understand why you did it."

"Because…" I took another bite, considering. I asked myself this question far too often. "Because I love him and he's good for the band. I'm always going to love him, no matter what we do to each other. He was my entire life for so long, I couldn't give that up. And the band is shit without him. We really are a bunch of directionless, lazy asses without him around."

We were just quiet for a moment, eating our breakfast, and finally I sighed. "I know it's weird, Nick. But I can't not have him in my life. I tried that, for a long time, and I missed him too much."

He was just playing with his food and I reached over, taking his hand in mine and making him look at me. "Not the way I miss you, bunny. But he's part of the band, so he's part of me, and it was wrong without him. This band could not go on if any one of us was missing. When we write songs, we finish each other's sentences. I need that, I need him."

"He's such an jerk, Rache," Nick said quietly and I nodded.

"I know. But I also know where that comes from, I know all about his family and his childhood and when I'm not angry with him, I feel bad. For a long time, I wanted to save him, but I couldn't. I have no interest in ever going back there, but I can be his friend. I know you think he's evil, but so much of that is jealousy right now. I am so happy with you, Nick, and he and I both know that I was never this happy with him."

"Not even when he proposed?" he asked, a little bitterly, and I shook my head.

"We had moments. But every day I'm happy with you, even when we fight about Jeremy," I joked, and he gave me a little smile. "He's gonna get better, I promise. You might never be friends, but he's going to have to deal with the fact that I've moved on."

"He hasn't," Nick asserted, and I laughed.

"Yes, he has. Really. He doesn't want me back, neither of us want that. Don't be jealous, okay?" I asked, squeezing his hand. "You can be weirded out, or annoyed, but don't be jealous. You have no reason to be."

He searched my eyes for a long moment, finally sighing. "I'll try. But when he's here and I'm not…"

I shook my head, spearing a bite of waffles. It was hard to have this talk and eat at the same time. "Don't even. Before you came along, he was no temptation to me, he's even less of a temptation now."

"When…" he started. "I know you broke up ages ago, but…" he looked back down at his plate, moving a piece of waffle around with his fork, not meeting my eyes.

I laughed. "When was the last time I had sex with him? You can ask that. It was… a little less than a year ago, when we had just started recording the album. We'd all just moved into the house and set up the equipment and…"

My throat closed up and I put down my fork. I so often hated Jeremy that the sweet things sometimes blindsided me.

There were tears in her eyes and I stopped eating again, looking at her. Did he hurt her? No, that couldn't be it, she wouldn't forgive him for that.

"We'd been there for a few nights, and Jeremy and I were sleeping upstairs, Darien was in the bedroom downstairs and James wasn't there… he must have been at his parents or something. It was the middle of the night and I was in bed crying, and Jeremy heard me. He was really… good." She wiped away a tear, smiling at me. "Believe me, I was as shocked as you are. I tried to tell him I was okay, but I wasn't, and he got into bed with me and let me cry all over him. We'd just started recording, and it sucked, I'd written a lot of horrible songs, and I felt so… lost."

That's what James had said, that she had lost everything and was drowning.

"I wanted to be back to normal so bad, but I just couldn't get over being sad. Jeremy held me and told me everything would be okay, that I was talented and amazing and eventually we'd write some great songs, and I so needed to hear that, and I so needed him. Right then, he was the only person that could have helped me. We made love, and it was… I don't know. Normal. Familiar. My whole world had spun out of control, but I remembered sex with Jeremy, and it was what I needed. I needed to get outside of my fucking head for a little while and just feel."

I hated seeing her like this. I hated that Jeremy was able to help her, I didn't want him to ever do anything good for her.

But this was such a huge part of her life. The more I found out about her, I could see that. Her dad died and everything changed. She'd gone back to the band, but I knew that it'd been different than before. I wanted to know everything about it, but I didn't want to see her look so sad.

She took a deep breath and smiled at me a little. "Ask Darien sometime about finding Jeremy in my bed the next morning. He didn't wake us up, but he called James and by the time we got out of bed, they were ready to throw me an intervention. Which I didn't need. I wasn't that far gone. It was just what I needed, and Jeremy did, too. I completely shut him out when I was having my nervous breakdown, and I know that killed him. That night turned things around for me, every day was a little bit easier. I made music and left the house and took these amazing walks all over the Point, just to get out of my head. Solitary walks were much safer than more sex with Jeremy," she laughed, and I had to smile.

"I'm a bit loathe to admit it myself, but he helped me so much. He helped me even more when he yelled at me during recording, he was the first person to stop treating me with kid gloves, and I needed that. It took me a long time to get over my Dad's death, and Jeremy pushed me along. God knows where I'd be without him now. Probably in an institution somewhere. Sometimes I need a kick in the ass, and Jeremy's really good at that."

She looked me in the eye, searching. "But that's all I need him for, bunny. I swear. I need you for a million other things."

I just nodded, overwhelmed by her. "Anything, Rache," I whispered, and she grinned, leaning over the table to kiss me.

"Finish your breakfast and let's go back upstairs to our room and I'll show you what I need you for."

I laughed, picking up my fork. "Am I going to need energy for this?"

"You know it, baby."

Chapter 10:
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