Oreos
for Breakfast - Chapter 11
By
The Paperbag Princess and The Pumpkin
Coach
Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3 | Page 4 | Page 5
"I feel the potential for embarrassment is high," she said, grinning at the camera and holding up our first album. Both of them, even, domestic and import.
Oh, god. She was so right. She really never needed to hear my 14-year old self singing any of those terrible songs.
She was doing one of those geeky MTV things where they each had to pick ten CD's and explain why they loved them. I think they were stuck somewhere, because they weren't in the studio yet, they were running this clip to tease their live appearance in another few minutes. The girls were there, and the moms, sitting right behind Carson, they were in just about every shot.
I think the girls were going to explode, they were so excited. Every time Carson was in front of them, they just stared at him the way they stared at me that first day when they thought I was still cool.
James' mom was cute, she looked out of place, but happy. She looked like a female version of him, only without the shocking blue hair and tattoos.
But right now, Rachel was laughing over her CD picks, running through the stack quickly. She looked amazing, happy and excited, wearing the jeans we bought together at that mall in Long Island and a tiny black T-shirt that said 'rock babe' in white letters. I liked that shirt, she just bought it a couple of days ago because she was afraid 'wanton sex goddess' was getting played out with the video. Her hair looked good, in among all the curls she had a bunch of tiny braids, fastened with little glittery things.
She moved on from embarrassing me to something else. "Ani DiFranco, Little Plastic Castles, because she's completely amazing. Poe, Haunted, album of the year. Duran Duran, Rio, because… well… duh!" she finished, laughing at herself. "It's the CD that most changed my life. David Bowie, Scary Monsters, because it's his best. Garbage, Version 2.0 only because the new one isn't out yet, and I want to be Shirley Manson when I grow up. India.Arie. Man, this is awesome. And Tsar! This is one of the best driving fast with the windows down CDs ever. And they're opening for us and they rock!" She made a little heavy metal hand motion at the camera and they cut to James.
But screaming from down the hall distracted me. "I fucking love her!" someone yelled. "She just plugged us on MfuckingTV, how much does that girl rock?"
Tsar was here? I'd been sitting in my hotel room bored and alone all day and Tsar was here? Fuck me.
I just followed the noise to their room. I think all four of them were sharing. The door was half open, and I stuck my head inside. "What the hell are you guys doing at the good hotel?"
"Nicky!" they cried, and Jeff waved me inside.
"Dude, what are you doing here? Why aren't you in New York with the best band in the world?"
"Long story," I shrugged, looking at the TV. Jeremy was talking about a stack of CDs by people I'd never heard of, but he ended with Duran Duran, and then they went back to the studio.
"I think I see a pattern there with the Duran Duran thing," Carson said, with his usual brilliant powers of observation. "We'll be right back and make Sudden Silence explain those picks live in just a minute."
They zoomed in on the audience and I laughed when the girls stood up and cheered. "That's her mom and nieces," I told the guys, pointing to them on the screen, "And the older woman is James' mom."
"Hottie!" Daniel yelled. "Dude, you are so lucky, if Rachel grows up to look like that."
Fuck, I'm lucky anyway.
"How old is James' mom? How the hell does James have such a normal lookin' mom?" Jeff wondered, and I laughed. I had just been wondering the same thing.
"Alright, tell me you have beer," the other Jeff said. "We've cleaned out the mini-bar."
I laughed. "I have beer. And Steven has keys to all their rooms, we can ransack all the mini-bars!"
"Excellent!" Daniel said. "We have to drink when they mention Duran."
"We have to chug when they plug us!" Jeff laughed.
"Dude, we're doing shots if they talk about me," I told them, and I heard them laugh as I ran down the hall to clear out my mini-bar.
Why was I wearing this? They'd talked me into a glittery sleeveless thing that was mostly unbuttoned. I'd drawn the line at the skirt, no, I was wearing my jeans.
Hey, I was better than James. He wanted to wear his 'I fucked a Backstreet Boy' shirt, but his mom was here, so he settled for an N*Sync T-shirt that the wardrobe girl magically provided. It was tasteful as far as those things went, black, N*Sync in glittery letters across the chest, and it worked with his leather pants. His blue hair fell into his eyes, and he pushed it back, giving me a panicked look.
How were we going to do this without alcohol? An hour ago we were still signing, then we came here and got thrown into wardrobe and make-up and interview prep. Were the moms and the girls out there? We walked into the studio and I was dragged away from them with no ceremony. I think a nice assistant approached them, but maybe she was a crazed fan with a clipboard. I tried to peek around Frank to check, but he pushed me back.
"They're fine, Rachel. I just talked to them when I was in there." Frank had gone into the studio when they were showing commercials or something. I guess he was weeding out the psychos. I nodded at him.
"Where are they?"
"Right behind where Carson will be."
Carson. Carson freaking Daly. We'd talked to him for about five minutes, before he had to go in, and he raved about the album. I wanted to ask Nick if he raved about everything, or maybe we were special.
I felt an arm around my shoulders, and I turned around, hugging Jeremy hard. He squeezed me back, sighing against me. "You look hot, babe."
I pulled away, smiling at him. "You look pretty fine yourself." He did, his hair was hanging in his eyes in that way that made me scream. Me and a million other little girls, after all the fans we'd just seen at the signing. Jeans, plain blue shirt that made his eyes even bluer.
"And I am a stud!" Darien proclaimed behind me and I had to laugh. Darien was so good at that. Sleeveless T-shirt and jeans, that's all he needed. The tattoos were his best fashion accessory.
"30 seconds," Lola told us, and I went back to lean against James. We were fine. We were so fine. We would be witty and cute and people would still love us when this was over.
The audience erupted when Carson announced them, and the single played as they walked out, shaking hands with the crowd and grinning at everyone. Jeremy, Darien, James and … "Oh my god," I whispered, as the guys screamed.
"Could she be hotter?" Jeff yelled, and I threw a pillow at him.
"Mine," I stated, and they all laughed.
Where did she get that shirt? I'd never seen that shirt. Oh my god, you could see her tattoo.
Why wasn't I there? If she got horny after a good show, or their video being on TRL, what the hell was she feeling now? The crowd was still cheering, and they all looked pleased and a little embarrassed.
Carson got them to calm down, and I saw Rachel wink at the girls quickly before looking at Carson like he was completely fascinating. "That's some reaction you got there," he said. "And you've got a mob outside," he motioned towards the windows, and Rachel went over, quickly followed by the others.
The crowd outside went wild, they had signs and one group had T-shirts that spelled out "DARIEN," one letter for each girl. The camera focused on the crowd, and I suddenly understood why our fans would whine that there wasn't enough Boy time in any given filmed concert. Screw the fans, I wanted to see Rachel!
They cut back into the studio and she was poking Darien and giggling. "Darien's got fans," she teased and he grinned at her.
"Duh! Who wouldn't want this?"
"I'm not sure they're legal, watch out, D," James warned, and Darien raised an eyebrow at him.
"You're just jealous."
"Not exactly my type, darling," James responded with a smirk.
"Yeah, I hear you've got a thing for the boy bands, James," Carson interjected, and just then I noticed that James was wearing an N*Sync shirt.
Hey! Why not a Backstreet shirt?
"JC Chasez is terribly good looking, isn't he?" James queened, and about half the crowd cheered.
"Nick Carter is hotter," Rachel smirked, and I almost kissed the screen as the audience erupted again.
"Hey, no war of the boy bands today!" Carson yelled, silencing the crowd, even as Rachel and James were poking at one another.
"Shots!" Jeff cried. "She mentioned Nick!"
I caught the tiny bottle of vodka he threw at me. "What do we have to do when they talk about N*Sync?"
Because they were, James was telling the story of the puppet, which led to the video, and everyone was laughing.
"Nick buys dinner!" Daniel offered, and I had to laugh.
"That's not really fair, is it?" We bickered over that, and I missed half of the video talk, but I'd heard all of it before. I knew Rachel would come home with a tape of the whole thing, they always gave those to management.
I collapsed in the green room when it was over, shaking. It was a blur, I barely remembered anything, and it just happened a few minutes ago. We talked about the video, and the signing, and the tour, and then played a game where James fed me clues about videos playing behind me. We won that, right? Darien and Jeremy had to have sucked.
We talked to the audience during the commercial breaks, and the cute girls who were first in line had gotten us all these crazy plastic rings. They each had some meaning, but I couldn't remember them now. Mine was a butterfly that came up to my knuckle. I remembered those days, being so in love with a band that anything could make you think of them. I couldn't believe that someone felt that way about me now.
We were in here now because they were playing the number one video, which was, of course, Backstreet. I looked over at the screen on the wall and smiled at my boyfriend, over emoting to a sappy ballad.
We'd just gotten here, though, because they kept us on camera until they played our video. Which was at number two.
Two. It had only premiered a couple of weeks ago, no one knew who we were then. And now we were number two?
"Aunt Rachel!" Speaking of twos… two overexcited voices shrieked, running over to me as the door opened. I caught them in a hug, laughing as they talked over one another. I might have surpassed the week with a Backstreet Boy, getting them on TRL. They even got to do a shout-out thing during our video, where they screamed on cue and everything.
Oh my god. Did Carson actually talk to our moms?
Yeah. He did. He was over there talking to them right now, and they both had that 'he is such a nice boy' look on their faces. He looked at the screen and ran back out to the studio to end the show, and Cynthia turned to James. "James, who is this JC boy you keep talking about?"
"MOM!" he groaned, covering his face with his hands and falling into a chair as the rest of us burst into hysterics.
"He's in N*Sync, Cynthia," Colleen offered. "He's really cute."
"Evidently my son thinks so," Cynthia said, and I grinned. There was a time when James' parents were not so good about him being gay, and now look, here was his mom, teasing him about JC Chasez.
Was this the best day of my life or what?
The girls left me to tease James, and Lola sat down on the arm of my chair. "Your boy is a good guesser."
"What?" I asked, looking up at her, and she handed me a jeweler's box.
"He told me to give this to you if you were number two."
I grinned at her, taking it. He was so good. I had gifts for every number we'd hit, and we'd never been at two before. I snapped open the box and just stared, covering my mouth with my free hand.
All my other gifts were jokes, really. Okay, maybe not the guitar. The Magic 8-Ball for 8, the bag of Backstreet stuff for 5, since there were five members, yet another copy of Seven and the Ragged Tiger for 7. But these were diamond earrings. I knew they had to be real, I knew him. He had huge diamond studs that he wore all the time now that I had pierced his ear, and then Aaron teased him until he got the other one done.
I teased him about his big tacky diamonds, but these were beautiful. A small diamond stud, then a length of platinum, with another diamond at the bottom. I'd never owned anything quite so gorgeous.
"Nice," Lola breathed, and I smiled up at her.
"Give me my phone," I commanded, pulling the earrings out of their box and putting them on. Very expensive earrings and a plastic ring that probably cost a buck, yeah, that was me, rock star all the way.
"You have five minutes," she warned. "You're doing an interview for M2 now."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I said, grabbing the phone out of her hand and hitting his number.
My phone rang and conversation actually stopped for a second. I pulled it out of my pocket and checked the ID, yeah, Rachel. "Hey, baby," I answered and immediately they all started yelling, teasing me about being lovesick and informing Rachel that she was hot.
She laughed. "Let me guess. You're with Tsar."
"They love you so much for plugging them." There was general chorus of love and I stood up, waving at them as I went into the hall. I could barely hear her in there.
"Good," she giggled. "Now get away from them, I only have five minutes."
"I'm nearly in our room, Rache."
"Nick, I love the earrings! They're so beautiful, how did you know we'd be number two?"
I grinned, stepping inside our room and leaning against the door. "I knew you'd be high, and I knew you wouldn't beat us," I teased, making her laugh again.
"It retires in a couple weeks, right? Just you watch."
I grinned stupidly at the phone for a second. If she was here, I would have kissed her.
"I did watch, Rachel, you were all amazing. The audience just loved you."
"Ah, we brought half of them from the signing."
"Did you see a lot of people? Does your hand hurt?"
"Totally!" she whined. "And there were so many people there we didn't get to everyone. I feel horrible about that, but we have all this other shit to do today."
I knew those days. "Do you remember anything from TRL?"
She laughed. "No. Was I horrible? It's all one big blur. Did James and I win that guess the video thing?"
"Duh!" I told her. "It was all boy bands, Jeremy and Darien were useless." I know that Jeremy only knew Backstreet because of me. He was staring at it, going "It's another boy band… they're in the rain… is that Nick?" For all the others, he just said "boy band" and Darien started naming them off until he hit it.
"Dude, I have to so tease them. James said you were in the rain, which one is that?"
"Did you not watch the DVDs I gave you?" I laughed. "Quit Playing Games. I was like 16 or something, Mom wouldn't let me take off my shirt."
"Evidently Kevin did, because James liked that one. I'll have to watch it when I get back on the bus."
"Rache, why did you have to pick our first album?" I wailed, and she giggled.
I missed that giggle. It hadn't even been a day, but I so missed her. I wished I was there, just standing on the sidelines and watching them. I could feel how happy and excited she was through the phone, but it wasn't enough.
"They gave me all the CDs I picked, too. Which is good, because James and I have been fighting over who owns that Ani CD for a couple of years now. Even better, Virgin gave me a cool Hello Kitty personal CD player thingie."
"Getting free stuff is one of the best parts of being famous," I admitted.
"We never got free stuff before!" she crowed. "I love getting free stuff! We got cool backpacks from Virgin, with T-shirts and these CD players - the boys did not get Hello Kitty - and CD wallets and then free CDs!"
"It gets so much better than that, Rache," I told her. It did. Half my wardrobe was free.
"And I think they're letting me keep this cool top I'm wearing. Somebody somewhere said that all this stuff was sent over just for us."
"Good, because you look fucking hot in that thing."
She giggled again. "Don't I? You should see the skirt, I thought it was a bit much for mid-afternoon, but maybe for the soiree later this evening."
"I might need a fashion show when you get back."
Her voice dropped into the seductive range. "I am only going to rip it off once I get you alone."
"Is being on TRL better than a good show?" I wondered.
"Oh, yes," she asserted. "If you were here…" she drifted off, and I sighed quietly, adjusting myself inside my shorts. How long until she was back with me?
"When do you get in?" I asked, a little plaintively, and she laughed.
"I don't know. I think our flight is at 10 our time?"
"I'll meet the plane," I offered, and she sighed.
"No, I'll just want to ravish you right there. Hang with Tsar and get all drunk. I gotta go, Lola is waving madly. I love you, bunny. Thank you for the gorgeous earrings."
"You're welcome," I smiled. "I love you. Hug the girls and your mom for me. And hell, James' mom, too!"
"I'll do that," she smiled. "Bye."
Okay, this day was way cooler before we got to this lame party. Amber practically had me on a leash, introducing me to half the people that worked at the label, then this guy from this radio station and that woman from another and now my jaw ached from the fake smile.
Yuck. Somehow the boys were not attached to me, but they were talking to plenty of boring people, too. The moms and the girls were definitely having a better time than any of us were. They were hanging out with Lola, and Amber's nice assistant was making sure that they had plenty of sodas and food.
We were in a pretty ballroom at our cool hotel, and I'd barely gotten to see it. Hell, I'd barely gotten a drink, and that pizza for lunch was hours ago, wasn't it?
I wanted to change into comfortable clothes and celebrate at that dive bar down the street from James' apartment. They had great cheese fries.
Amber started to lead me over to someone and I dug in my heels. "Please, Amber."
"What?" she snapped, looking over at me.
"Please, I'm so tired. Let me sit over there with my mom for, like, ten minutes and get something to eat."
She considered me for a moment, then her face softened. "You've done really well today, Rachel."
I felt like the meanest teacher in the world just gave me an A. "Yeah?" I couldn't keep the grin off my face.
"You did. You know why I'm dragging you around and not the others, right?"
"'Coz I'm the girl and I can't beat you up?"
She laughed. "No, because you're the one everyone wants to meet. The wanton sex goddess, you're the one that has to be nice to all the suits. Go. I'll grab Jeremy and introduce him to all the female station managers. You've got about an hour before you have to leave to catch your flight, enjoy it."
Everyone wanted to meet me? Amber just gave me an hour off? What was wrong with the world?
"Thank you," I told her sincerely. "And, uh… thanks for today. Really. I know you've worked hard for us, even if we don't always agree."
She just smiled at me, then pushed me towards the corner where my family was sitting. I skipped over to them, falling into a chair next to Mom with a sigh. "I'm free!" I crowed.
"You are?" Mom asked, surprised. "I saw you talking to everyone in here."
"Amber said I was a good girl and I could come over here and have something to eat. What is this stuff?" I asked, stealing Katie's plate and making her whine at me. We bickered over the finger foods and I got a passing waiter to bring me a bottle of water. I was too tired to drink. I'd only gotten a couple of hours of sleep on the flight, but I slept badly on planes. I felt like I might manage it on the flight back, though.
The girls and the moms told me about how while we were getting interviewed for M2, they got an exclusive tour of the MTV studios, where everything was filmed, where they kept the videos, and they even got to meet most of the VJs. They were so totally having a more interesting day than I was.
James joined us after a few minutes, collapsing next to his mom. "Lola said I didn't have to be nice anymore."
I nodded over towards Amber, who had Jeremy and Darien in tow. "She got the others for a while. I'm off, too."
We high fived across the table, and then he looked down at all the empty plates surrounding us. "I'm hungry," he whined.
"Think there's any pizza left from lunch?" I wondered.
"Doubtful."
Our eyes met and we had the same idea. "Is that limo still here?" I asked him, and he grinned.
"It's taking us to the airport, isn't it?"
I pulled his wrist towards me, looking at his watch. "I think we might have half an hour."
He stood up, pulling his mom out of her chair. "James, where are we going?"
"To get dinner," he informed her, steering her out of the room.
"Hello!" I yelled into the phone, and Rachel giggled.
"You're drunk, aren't you, bunny?"
"We're up to Jeremy's mini-bar," I admitted.
"What?"
"I got the keys to everyone's room from Steven, 'coz Tsar's bar…" I had to laugh at myself. "Tsar's bar!" I yelled to the room, and they all fell out laughing.
We were really drunk.
"Finish the story, Nicky!" Rachel yelled, and I remembered I was on the phone with her.
"Uh… Tsar totally drank their bar before I even knew they were here," I whined, glaring at them all.
"Hey, we thought you were being a good boy toy and went with them!" Daniel defended.
I was actually being a better boy toy by not going, and I started to tell them so, but I was on the phone with Rachel. "Where are you, honey? Shouldn't you be at a party?" I asked her, and she laughed.
"I got sprung. So James and the moms and the girls and I hijacked the limo and we're going to get pizza."
"Dude! Rachel, that is so rock star!"
"I know!" she cried. "Isn't it great?"
"Totally cool. I love you."
Aw, shit, I just said that in front of everyone. I knew this because they started throwing empties at me, mocking my tone. "Stoppit!" I yelled.
"Aw, are those mean boys in Tsar teasing you?" Rachel cooed, and I nodded at the phone, pouting.
"They are."
"Well, mom is currently hanging out the moon roof with the girls, which is the only reason I can tell you to stop fucking drinking, because I expect you to service me when I return, boy toy."
"Yes, ma'am," I said obediently. Well… it was still like five or six hours before she got back. I might drink a couple more. "Are you bringing the limo with you? We could play out the rock star fantasy, Rache."
I heard her sigh on the other end. Oh yeah, Rachel half naked in the back of a limo… that image might make me stop drinking soon.
"Finish the mini-bar story, bunny."
"Oh! Yeah, they drank theirs, then we drank ours, then we drank Darien's, because we knew he wouldn't care. Now we're on Jeremy's."
"He'll care," she warned, and I giggled.
"We know."
"Freak. I expect James' bar to be intact when we return!"
"What are they doing to my mini-bar?" I heard James yell, and Rachel told him we wouldn't touch it.
I so doubted that.
"You could go down to the real bar and buy a drink, Nicky," she informed me.
"Nah. We've got Play Station here, and movies."
"Are you watching the naughty movies again?"
"No!"
Sorta. We were making fun of the soundtracks, that didn't really count, did it?
"Well, I'm glad you're having fun, sweetie."
"Are you? What happened after TRL?"
"A bunch of stuff at MTV and then this fu-" She stopped, and I just know she was going to curse. "Ooh, we're at Ray's? Nicky, I need to go and get some food. We have to be back at the hotel in like 15 minutes." She giggled again. "You should see me, I'm all dolled up and going into this dive pizza place."
"I wish I could see you. Are you wearing the sparkly shirt?"
"And the very small skirt. I am so the wanton sex goddess. Love you, bye!"
She leaves me with that? The image of her in a very small skirt and that top that left nothing to the imagination? Maybe I would stop drinking.
We tried to just sneak into the party like we'd never left, but Frank found me before I was back 10 seconds. "Where the hell were you?" he barked, and I jumped. No one wonder Nick was scared of him! He was scary when he was pissed off.
I pulled Mom in front of me. "The moms came!" I whined. "They'd protect us."
"We just took a little joy ride in the limo, Frank," Mom told him in her best placating Mom voice. "No one even knew we were gone."
"Talk to the rest of your band about that one," Frank said, and I looked around for them. Jeremy and Darien were yelling at poor James.
Hell, I knew we'd end up yelling at each other at some point.
"They'll live. We got them subs. You too, Frank, it's hiding in the car, though."
He considered me for a moment, then shrugged, his face softening. "Well, since you got me food…"
I giggled. "You're so easy. I'm telling Nick the way to soften you up is with food."
Frank snorted. "One hoagie is not going to make up for the years of abuse I've suffered at his hands."
"You really must tell me embarrassing Nick stories sometimes, Frank."
He shook his head. "Not right now. Amber asked me to find you."
I pouted, but let him take me over to her. The boys were there already, talking to the Vice President of something or another important. I shook his hand and smiled nicely and just wished this party could end. Didn't we have a flight to catch?
Lola saved us about ten minutes later, telling us we had 20 minutes to get our stuff and change and meet at the limo or we'd miss our flight.
At the end of the flight would be Nick, and I could not get out of that damn room fast enough. I grabbed Mom and the girls as Frank ushered us out. "We'll go-" Mom started to say, and I pulled her on the elevator with me, waving at Frank as he waited for the others.
"You will stay with me until I get into that car," I said, making her smile.
"When are you coming home again, Aunt Rachel?" Colleen asked, and I sighed.
"Dunno, sweetie. Probably not for a while." I would not get melodramatic about that. I was doing some fun stuff out on the road, homesickness be damned. "But I call all the time, and email and stuff. Give you Mom and Dad big hugs for me."
She nodded, taking my hand. "Is this the ring somebody gave you at TRL today?"
I grinned down at it. "Yeah, it's cool, isn't it? Did you see my new earrings?" I couldn't remember if I'd shown them off or not. I got them, called Nick, and then the next thing I knew, I was sitting in front of John Norris getting interviewed.
The elevator doors opened, and I showed them off as we walked down the hall. "When did you get those?" Mom asked.
"Nick gave them to me, because we were number two today. He gets me presents for every number we are on the countdown."
I opened the door to my room and sighed. How did I manage to destroy this room so quickly? I was picking up on Nick's bad habits.
"He does?" the girls giggled, and I grinned at them.
"He does. He got me a Magic 8-Ball when we were number 8, and a guitar when we were number six." They gave me confused looks. "A guitar has six strings! Have I taught you nothing?"
Guitars. The girls were getting guitars for Christmas.
"Okay, I've got 15 minutes to get out of here. Girls, get all the clothes and fold them up. Mom, can you get my stuff out of the bathroom?" They did as instructed and I opened my suitcase. Good, I did have real clothes in here. I could only have a carry-on, and I could not remember if I'd brought something to wear on the flight back or not. I'd had to wear decent clothes on the flight out, because we went straight to the radio station from the airport.
Yeah, I'd promised Nick wanton sex goddess-ness when I got back, but right now all I could think of was sleep.
"What did he get you when you were number five?" Katie asked, folding up one of the rejected outfits for TRL.
I packed four damn shirts to wear on TRL and I ended up getting one given to me. I should remember that the next time we had press like this.
"A bunch of Backstreet stuff. Because there are five of them."
They, of course, had to ask what it all was. I was going to send it to them, but I figured they had it all, and I was right. It wasn't cool secret stuff, it was just what he was able to find at Target that day.
I pulled on old shorts and one of Nick's T-shirts, then went into the bathroom to wash all the make-up off my face. When I looked up, Mom was smiling at me. "What?" I asked her.
"That's my little girl," she said, taking my face in her hands and kissing me. "That's the face I love."
I hugged her tightly for a minute. Could she come with me on tour?
"I miss your father so much on days like today," she whispered against me, and I squeezed my eyes shut. I'd been fighting missing him all day, and now Mom has to go and say that?
"Whenever one of you does something amazing, I want to reach out and take his hand. He was standing next to me all day, just beaming with pride."
"Oh, Mommy," I said, my voice breaking. "Please don't."
She kissed me again and let me go. "I figured you didn't have any mascara on, it would be okay if you cried," she joked, and I laughed, wiping my eyes.
"I don't have time to cry."
She smoothed down my hair, tucking a curl behind my ear. "Well, when you have time, think about how proud your father is of you."
"I know," I told her. "I just wish…" My voice broke again, and she shook her head.
"I wish he was here, too. Just think of the good things, sweetheart, and don't let missing him overshadow all that."
I nodded. I knew I scared her so much when I couldn't crawl out from under my grief after Dad died, and I think she always worried a little that I could go back there.
There was a knock at the door, and I jumped. Katie ran over and answered it. "You're not Rachel," Frank said, looking down at her.
"No, she's right here," she told him with a giggle.
I stepped out of the bathroom and starting throwing things in my suitcase. "Final call, Frank?"
"Yeah, darlin'. Amber's got the car out front, there's some fans there. You might want to say your good-byes up here."
"Alright. Give me two minutes."
"Is Cynthia with James?" Mom asked.
"Yes, ma'am. I'll have her join you here after they've said good-bye."
"Thank you, Frank," she smiled, and Frank started to leave, but the girls stopped him.
"Bye, Frank!" Colleen insisted, hugging him before he got away. He grinned, hugging her back, then he reached out for Katie.
"It was very nice being your bodyguard today, girls," he told them, and they giggled.
"Was it better than guarding Nick?" Colleen asked, and Frank laughed.
"Much, darlin'. Much better. I've got to collect the others, but hopefully I'll see you all soon." He looked at Mom with a smile. "Ma'am."
"Thank you for all your hard work today, Frank."
"Anything for Rachel, it was a pleasure."
Aw. I grinned as the door shut behind him, then went back to packing. "You guys are taking the flowers, right?"
"Yes," Mom told me.
"So if I forgot anything, you'll find it." I zipped my suitcase and held out my arms to the girls. They thanked me a million times, and I was hugging Mom when Frank knocked again. I gave Cynthia a quick hug and then Frank herded us all onto the elevator.
There were just a few fans outside, maybe a dozen, but Lola still had to yell at us to get us in the car. Hey, these were devoted fans, I wanted to talk to them for a minute.
Darien and Jeremy forgave us for ditching them when they realized we'd gotten them subs, and we spent the first part of the drive eating and finding the beer in the fridge. Jeremy had the air conditioning at sub zero, and I found Dad's sweater in my backpack, pulling it over my head. I ignored the others for a second, wrapping my arms around myself and trying to feel the peace this sweater usually brought me.
I wanted him back. I knew exactly how much he would have loved every minute of today. It was a great day, nearly perfect, but I kept catching myself looking for Dad.
He was there, right? Wherever he was, he was watching, and he was happy. Mom said so.
James put his arm around me and I leaned my head against his chest. "Missing your dad?" he asked quietly, and I nodded.
"Yeah. He would have loved this."
"I know," James agreed, and we were quiet for a minute. I had to stop being maudlin. Lack of sleep with catching up with me, hard. Sighing, I sat up, but my earring was caught in the sweater and James laughed, fixing it for me. "Those are amazing."
"I know," I beamed. "Two diamonds, because we were number two."
"Or two earrings in a pair," he offered, and I nodded.
"Perhaps. I didn't ask him."
"Now, what were they doing to my mini-bar?" he asked.
"Raiding it," I giggled. "The real bar downstairs was too far away or something. Oh!" I remembered. "He said he gave me a DVD with that video from the game today. Where they were wet? Was it really hot?"
"I don't remember," James shrugged. "I only saw five seconds of it, because we ruled!" he yelled, looking over at Jeremy and Darien. "We so kicked your asses at guess the video."
"If I had known it was boy bands, I would have insisted that you be on my team, darling," Jeremy told him.
"It wouldn't have done any good, because you would still be fucking clueless, Mr. Indie Cred. Who wishes he watched a little more MTV now, huh?" James challenged, and I had to giggle at the scowl on Jeremy's face. He so hated to lose, even at stupid games.
"Just because all this knowledge has seeped into Rachel's brain because she's shagging one of them…"
"Speaking of the blond god, why the hell isn't he here?" Darien wondered.
"He thought it was a bad idea, he didn't want fans to be here just because of him," I told them, taking another bite of my sandwich.
All the boys stopped what they were doing, looking at me. "What?" I asked. Did I have mayonnaise on my chin?
"Did he come up with that on his own?" Jeremy said.
"Yeah…" I told him. I wanted Nick to come. I didn't try to talk him out of it, but it wasn't my idea.
"That's sorta cool of him," Darien nodded. "What did he do all day?"
I giggled. "He drank all our mini-bars with Tsar."
"Can we do that tomorrow?" James whined to Lola. "I'm tired."
"Yes, sweetie," Lola cooed to him. "I'm rescheduling all your press commitments to the venue after sound check. You are now officially free to do whatever you damn well please until five p.m."
She was soundly kissed by all of us.
Chapter
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