Oreos for Breakfast - Chapter 12
By The Paperbag Princess and The Pumpkin Coach

Corresponding Sudden Silence Message Board Posts (Fictional!)

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Nick put his hand over his glass, shaking his head. "No more for me, I'm driving tonight."

He'd never said that before. Okay, he didn't usually drive. But I don't think it had ever occurred to him to worry about such things, and I knew it was all because of my dad that he was cutting himself off now. I'd certainly never seen him cut himself off before.

"Good plan," Patrick agreed, pouring the rest of the bottle into my glass. "That's a sweet car."

"You can drive it later," Nick offered, and in two seconds, both my brothers were quizzing him about the car. I leaned back in my chair, letting their words wash over me, a little drunk from all the wine I'd had tonight. I loved watching him talk to my brothers, even Jon was being nice to him today. He'd been joking this morning when he told me he just arranged this trip to get Jon to like him, but I think it worked a little.

Mom caught me mooning over them, and gave me a smile that made me giggle. I picked up my glass and moved to sit next to her. "Stop it," I pouted at her, and she laughed, taking my hand.

"I don't blame you. He's a very attractive man."

"Mom!" I wailed.

"Oh, please," she said, laughing. "I might be old, but I'm not dead."

"Well, I suppose half the female population of America thinks he's hot, so…" I admitted, and she squeezed my hand again.

"And he's very sweet, arranging this trip for you."

I nodded, glancing over at him again. "Yeah. That was sort of amazing."

"It's about time you fell in love with a nice boy, Rachel."

I smiled at her, but I wanted to tell her everything. About how much I adored him, and how scared I was that he was going back to his real life, and how he was too young and too gorgeous and too wonderful for me. But he was right across the table from me, so I couldn't.

She knew anyway, tucking a stray curl behind my ear. "Just enjoy it, darling. Don't worry about it so much that it goes away."

"I'll try," I promised, and then the girls came back in the room, wanting me to see the sunset, and I grabbed my camera and Nick and went outside with them. We stood on the back porch and Nick came up behind me, pulling me back against him, his arms cradling me to his chest. I sighed and he leaned his chin on top of my head and I could just feel him smiling. This was mine. All of this. My life. What was his like? Did he feel this way at home? I still didn't know that much about his family, just the basics. I bet the girls knew more from reading the teen magazines.

No, now wasn't the top for these conversations. Later. If we made it through our tours and the long months ahead. I snapped a couple of pictures, "I love watching the sun set over our vineyard," I sighed and he held me closer, not saying anything for a moment, but just drinking it all in.

I hoped some of these pictures would turn out. I could put them up in my bunk on the bus and they might soothe me to sleep when Nick wasn't with me.

It was after midnight when we finally got back to the Point house. There had been rides in the hot car, and a cut throat game of Trivial Pursuit, and lots of talking. Nick and I had to leave by eight the next morning, so we said our good-byes at the winery and went home by ourselves.

The whole drive home, I could feel my mood dropping. Nick and I had been good about not talking about tomorrow, but eventually it would be here and he wouldn't be next to me anymore. "Let's stay up all night," I told him, and he looked away from the road for a second.

"What?"

"Let's stay up and watch the sun rise before we go to the airport."

He smiled. "Okay. It wasn't good enough this morning?"

I shook my head at him. "No. We were busy making breakfast. We'll walk down to the beach and watch it properly."

"Whatever you want, buttercup," smiling over at me and taking my hand in his briefly before he had to downshift again as we sped around the curve.

I giggled at the silly nickname from that song we were singing this morning and from the way he just agreed to all my whims. Who would give in to my whims when he was gone? Okay, James, sometimes. But I didn't get to have sex with James.

Even with that thought, we didn't go up to bed when we got home, instead he wanted to sit on the deck and look up at the stars. So we did, lying on the big deck chair together, until I started to shiver, and he went inside to get my sweater.

I laid there alone for a minute, trying to get used to it. We were going to be apart more than together after tomorrow. Yeah, I was going to their show in a couple of days, but he'd be working and I had to be on a plane early the next morning. It was going to be so different after tomorrow, were phone calls and emails going to be enough?

We were getting popular, but Backstreet was already there. It was one thing when he was on tour with me, but what would it be like when I was with him? Were all the fans going to hate me? Didn't they already?

I heard the door open and I sat up, forcing a smile onto my face. He handed me a sweater and a box, and I pulled on the sweater. "What's this?"

"Your number one present. You didn't think I forgot, did you?"

"I thought today was my present."

"No." He smiled. "Today was different. Go on, open it."

It was a jewelry box, and I flipped open the top and just stared for a moment. It was a fine platinum chain, with a diamond suspended from it.

"It matches the earrings," he told me, excited. "And it's one carat, so it was pretty perfect."

"It is," I said, my voice breaking. He looked at me, worried, and I put the box down on the table next to us before I dropped it with my shaking hands.

"Rachel, what? Do you not like it?"

"No!" I cried, looking at him. "My god, Nick, it's so beautiful. It's just… overwhelming," I sniffed, pushing away my tears with the back of my hand.

"What?" He sat on the deck chair behind me, wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin on my shoulder. I pulled the cuffs of my dad's old sweater up over my hands and wiped my face. I could feel Nick's chest rise and fall against my back and felt my whole body shake as I let go and sobbed. Somehow just knowing he was here to lean on made the floodgates open.

As my body shook, he tightened his hold on me, covering my legs with his own and pulling me back against him as if he could steady my breathing by merely holding me closer.

"I… I'm… sorry." I could barely get the words out between sobs. To my amazement, Nick didn't say anything, just held me as I caught my breath.

I stared up at the millions of stars and shuddered. Nick ran his fingers through my hair, pushing it off my forehead and planting kisses on my neck, "Do you wanna talk about it, Rache?"

His voice was barely a whisper, but I could feel his lips moving against my bare skin. I shrugged. How do I tell him what was going on inside me? I didn't even know. "I don't know where to begin," I stated lamely.

"Is it me - us?"

Again I felt his words more than I heard them. I reached up and took his hand, interlacing my fingers in his. I ran my thumb over the callous on his forefinger, remembering the intent look on his face as I tried to teach him the chords to "More Than That." When would we have time to do things like that? Just spend the whole day locked in a hotel room being together and wasting time doing stupid things like playing with my guitar or making up silly songs? I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed it. "I love your hands…"

The words caught in my throat, a tiny sob escaping. I shut my eyes tightly, willing my breathing to steady so I could string more than three words together at a time. I knew I was freaking him out. Hell, I was freaking me out.

"Rachel, you're scaring me."

I could hear his voice shaking. I shook my head, "It's not us. Well, it is…" I felt his body stiffen against mine and I turned my head so I could see his face. With his free hand, he wiped away a tear and I leaned forward and kissed him quickly, trying to smile.

"I don't know how to explain what's happening to me. This is where I come to feel safe. After Dad died, I would sit out here for hours feeling nothing, being completely numb. I thought about every minute I spent with him… and every moment I spent away from him with Damon." My voice cracked. No, this wasn't about Damon. It wasn't even about my dad. It was about me.

I took a deep breath and started again, "Usually sitting out here on the deck makes me feel more grounded and in control but I feel so small now. Do you ever feel like you don't deserve all of this?" I finally asked.

He looked at me intently, "Everyday. Do you know how out of my league you are? I'm waiting for you to figure that out."

Without hesitating I kissed him again. This time he didn't let me pull away, tangling his fingers in my hair, holding my face close. I sighed as his tongue forced my mouth open, slowly exploring me. I could taste the wine on his lips and lost myself in his kiss. When he finally let me come up for air, I could barely catch my breath.

I smiled at him, our foreheads touching, "Keep doing that and I'll never leave your side."

His blue eyes sparkled in the moonlight, "Promise?" I swung around to face him, my legs resting on either side of his hips. I ran my fingers through his hair and pressed my thumbs lightly against his temples, tracing his forehead slowly. He closed his eyes as if he was savoring my touch. I loved this. I loved being here alone with him. Just us and the stars and the sound of the water washing up on the rocks on the Point. Why couldn't it always be this way?

His eyes still closed, he sighed, "I love you, Rachel."

"I never get tired of hearing you say that. Promise me you'll call me every day and tell me." I can't believe I just said that. I sound like a lovesick teenager. But I was, wasn't I? That's exactly how I felt when I was with him. I didn't care if it was true or not, I just loved hearing him say those three small words. I loved that he wanted to say it and thought it was true, because I was head over heels in love with him. He was my every waking thought, and most of my subconscious ones too.

"If you came with us, I wouldn't have to call."

He opened his eyes and I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't joking.

I pulled back and considered him, "What? Where did that come from?"

He looked away, staring out at the water, watching the moonlight as is played against the waves. I knew it was killing him that we were going to be apart now, but we hadn't discussed my band opening for his in weeks. I knew that being with us on tour had been a rush for him. It wasn't just being with me, but doing something 'normal' for a change. Imagine that, thinking that touring the country with an upstart band was normal?

But there was no getting around it. We were adults, weren't we? We had our jobs to do and we couldn't spend every waking moment together.

I stared out at the water and tried to push my petty thoughts away, but they kept coming back. The girls had been asking me about Sudden Silence opening for Backstreet, they thought that was the coolest idea ever. If only Rachel had convinced the band to take the offer of supporting us through this last leg of the tour, then we'd be together everyday. We could stay in the same hotels, share the same bus. We could make love every night and I could watch her sleeping in the morning. She was sitting right here in front of me, but I could already feel her slipping away and I felt empty like there was a huge part of myself missing.

And Frank would be there to protect her if she was with me. I hadn't told her that yet; I knew it'd make her insane. She'd tell me she didn't need protecting. But I saw what the fans had done to Mandy and the other girlfriends. They were already starting to target her. She read the Internet sites and message boards and mostly she shrugged it off, laughing about the latest rumor about her - about us. But I knew it was only a matter of time before it got to her. Why shouldn't I want to protect her from that? Isn't that what good boyfriends are supposed to do?

She reached up and touched my cheek and I looked back down at her, "Sorry," I mumbled. And I was but I couldn't help it. What did she call me the other day in the middle of a stupid fight over nothing? 'Little boy emotional roller coaster.' That was me right now and I could feel myself just picking up speed.

"You don't have to apologize, Nick. It's just… we haven't talked about this for weeks now. We have to do this and you have to know that it's going to be hard for me, too."

I looked up into her eyes and for a moment I believed her. I reached out and pulled her down to me again, settling back in the chair and running my hand over her hair as she relaxed against me. She was still breathing hard from crying and here I was making it worse. She shivered and I held her closer.

"Are you cold? Do you want to go in?"

She shook her head, "No. I want to stay here all night." She looked up at me, biting her bottom lip for a moment as she considered me, "Nick, if you want to see other people, we can talk about that."

"Where the hell did that come from?" My voice was louder than I expected and she pulled back from me.

"I just… there are a lot of girls out there and you're so young… if you wanted us not to be exclusive..." She couldn't even finish her sentence. Her voice was calm but I saw the panic in her eyes. At least I hoped that's what it was. She wasn't looking for a way out, was she?

"Stop. Rachel, I love you. I might be young, as you're so quick to tell me, but I know how I feel. I don't want to fuck around with groupies. Christ. Why would I do that when I have you right here?"

"But I won't be here after tomorrow." Her voice was barely a whisper, "I know how it was with Willa, Nick."

"And I know about Jeremy and Damon! How many nameless boys caught your eye from the front row and added their names to your guitar case?" I couldn't hide the jealousy and anger and my voice and she took a deep breath, considering me.

"Touché."

We were quiet for a long time. Finally, I kissed her forehead, "Rachel, I don't want anyone but you. I will call you twenty times every day and send you tapes of silly songs I write for you. Every time you check your email, you'll have another message from me. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Nick. Please." She raised an eyebrow at me, the mood lifting a bit, but I knew she was serious.

"Okay, maybe not every time you log on! I do have to work sometime, I suppose."

She smiled up at me, "Do I get naughty pictures?"

He looked at me, completely shocked, "What?"

I giggled into his chest, not able to look him in the eye, "Naughty pictures. You know… let me know how Thor is doing without me."

He covered his face in complete embarrassment as I teased him and pressed my hips against his, feeling his cock harden against me. Damn. I loved the fact that one movement from me elicited that response in him.

"I don't think our press agent will like me sending porn over the Internet." He grinned down at me, "We'll have to settle for verbal descriptions."

"Oh… will we?" I teased, running my hand down his stomach and slowly unbuttoning his jeans. I reached inside and took him in my hand and he sighed, closing his eyes as I stroked him until he was fully erect. I ran my tongue along his jawline, before sucking his bottom lip into my mouth gently. He wrapped his arms around me, rolling on top of me as he kissed me. Deepening his kiss, he pulled my sweater up, and his hands were cold against my bare skin. We broke our kiss long enough for him to pull my sweater and t-shirt off as I shrugged out my bras. He stopped for a moment, staring down at me, naked from the waist up. He ran his hand down my body, barely touching my breasts and making me arch my back to be closer to him.

He leaned down and took one of my nipples into his warm mouth. I opened my legs so he could settle between them, and I could feel his weight against me. His tongue teased my nipple and he sucked gently on my breast as I pulled at his shirt, running my fingernails across his back as I pulled it off him. He arched his back, releasing my breast, I pulled his shirt over his head. Working his way down my chest, he traced the vine tattoo around my belly button with the tip of his tongue like he'd done a hundred times before. He knew how crazy that made me and I moaned loudly, pulling on the waistband of my shorts to get them off as quickly as possible.

"Don't tease me, Nick… Please." I sighed as his tongue darted inside my belly button while he took over for me, slowly pulling off my shorts. Once he'd freed me from my clothes, he stopped. I opened my eyes and he was kneeling above me, just looking at my body underneath him. I loved it when he looked at me that way, like he was trying to memorize every part of me. It was the same way I looked at him when he was sleeping.

I reached out to him, letting my fingertips play over the band around his arm and he smiled, dropping back down against me, his body covering mine once again. I wrapped my legs around his, sucking his earlobe into my mouth slowly. "Please… make love to me here," I whispered.

I didn't have to ask twice. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a condom, handing it to me. I smiled up at him, "You are such a good boy!" I giggled. "Sure you weren't a boy scout?"

He grinned down at me as he stood up, leaving me cold and naked, wanting him even more, "Do you want to talk or fuck, Rache?"

I raised my eyebrow at him as I ripped the wrapper and he stepped out of his jeans, "Fuck? You are so crude. What would your momma say?"

He grabbed the condom from my hands and rolled it on quickly, then settled back down against me, warming me with his body. "Please don't bring her into this," he said as he pushed his hips into mine and ran his hands down my arms, calming the goose bumps that had appeared there. "If I don't make love to you now..." he growled.

I pulled him down to me, kissing him roughly, not letting him finish his thought. Aggressively, he entered me, penetrating my mouth with his tongue at the same time. I arched up against him, pulling him inside me deeper and he moaned into my mouth. Slowly he began to make love to me, teasing me with his pace until I couldn't take it anymore. I dug my fingernails into his back and met his thrusts, making him speed up. He closed his eyes and I watched the moonlight as it made shadows across his face. He was so beautiful and he was here in my arms, making love to me. How could I ever doubt how much he loved me?

We were nearly silent, just the sound of the water beneath us, our breath coming faster and our bodies meeting as he quickened his thrusts. He opened his eyes briefly, trying to gauge whether he should stop for me. My breath came quickly and he ran his tongue down my neck, sucking on my pulse point and I was gone, moaning loudly into the night air as my orgasm overtook me. His lips slid across my skin, his teeth sinking into my shoulder and he pushed into me deeper, pulling my legs up around his waist and then stopping. He looked up and our eyes met. I felt like I could see every secret he had as his climax began to overtake him.

"Come for me, Nick." I pulled myself up, clutching onto his shoulders, and he thrust against me again. My lips covered his ear and his whole body seemed to shudder, "Harder…"

He groaned loudly, thrusting into me as hard as he could. Once. Twice. And he was gone, screaming my name before he collapsed on top of me, breathing heavily and running his hands across my body. After a few minutes, he rolled onto his side, pulling me with him, his hands encircling my waist and coming to rest on the small of my back. I wrapped my legs around him, wanting to keep him inside me as long as I could. I didn't want this feeling to end.

Neither one of us wanted to break the spell that was encircling us. He reached over and pulled a beach towel off the floor and covered our bodies and I nestled my head against his chest, sighing contentedly. Finally he slipped out of me and reached down between us, carefully removing the condom and tossing it over the side of the deck, onto the beach.

"That better not land somewhere the girls will find it," I teased him sleepily.

He pulled me closer, chuckling against my hair and kissing my forehead, "We'll worry about it in the morning."

Good answer. We fell asleep there, and I woke up about an hour later, trying to pull him over me like a blanket. He barely stirred, even when I moved away slightly to look at him. Jesus. He was gorgeous, naked in the moonlight. The moon was bright enough that I could see every line of his body, his tattoos, and the golden hairs on his arms.

What would the fans say if they could have a picture of this?

I looked out at the water and giggled. A telephoto lens and we'd be all over the tabloids.

He stirred, blinking at me for a moment. "What?"

"I was just thinking that Frank would kill me if he knew you were lying here naked on my deck."

"Fuck Frank," he mumbled, reaching out for me. I stood up, pulling on my sweater and remembering my new necklace.

"Pretty!" I cooed, putting it on, and I smiled down at him. "Is it a look? Diamonds and an old sweater?"

"You're a sensation, Rache. Come back," he whined, holding out his hand, but I moved away.

"This is great and romantic, darling, but I am fucking freezing. C'mon, let's go inside."

He just smiled up at me, still half-asleep. "Thor can warm you up, baby."

I giggled and gathered up our clothes scattered around the porch. "He can do that inside." I went in, dropping our clothes on the couch. I could see him still lying on the deck chair, stretching his arms above his head. Giggling madly, I found the camera we'd used to take pictures of the sunset out at the winery and ran outside, snapping a picture before he even knew I was there.

He yelled and I took off, running through the house, managing to elude him until he trapped me in the bedroom, blocking the door as I tried to duck away from him.

Not that I was exactly complaining about having a naked Backstreet Boy in my bedroom. He lunged for the camera and I danced away from him, still giggling. "I'll make it the cover of Willa's book. We're just in cahoots, ya know, Willa and I."

"You've done a great job of convincing me you hate her, then. You deserve an Oscar."

I backed up into the bed and fell backwards, laughing. He jumped on top of me, grinning down at me as he easily plucked the camera out of my hand. "You've ruined the roll now, Rache. I wanted those pictures of the sunset."

"What? It's fine."

"Where are you going to get it developed?"

I considered for a second, then collapsed into giggles. We were private here, but I knew everyone, just what I needed, gossip to get back to my family. On the road, god knows who would do it. "I'll send it to Em, she'll do it."

"No!" he was horrified, making me laugh harder. "Don't you dare!"

"What, don't you trust her? She's good with naked pictures."

"Is she?" he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, there was this big scandal a couple of years ago when someone stole all her pictures of Alex. Nevermind, you're too young to remember." I lunged fruitlessly for the camera as he held it out of my reach. "C'mon, gimmie."

He stood up, considering me with a wicked grin. "Take off the sweater. It's only fair."

He could make me do anything. I pulled off my sweater, tossing it across the room and turning to Nick with my best centerfold pout. Which probably only made me look silly, since I couldn't stop giggling. He took a picture anyway.

"Look, Thor's come out to play."

He tossed the camera onto the sofa and laid down on top of me. "You have to stop calling it that."

"Why?"

She could call my dick whatever she wanted. I didn't care. As long as it made her laugh, it was fine. So much better than her tears earlier, to have her lying here giggling up at me, naked except for the necklace I'd just given her.

"Because I said so."

She laughed harder, rolling me over on my back. "Not good enough. I like Thor." Catching her breath from laughing, she leaned down to kiss me, and I wrapped my arms around her as she ran her tongue along the line of my lips.

Tomorrow night I would be alone in a hotel room.

I forced such depressing thoughts from my mind as she kissed my neck, sliding down my body, rubbing her hips against mine. "I so love dating a younger man. Didn't we just do this?"

"A whole hour ago!" I protested, and I could feel her smile against my chest as she kissed her way down.

"I'll trade you in for a newer model in a couple of years, but you're in top form at the moment," she teased, and my heart sank. I didn't even want to joke about such things. I wanted her next to me forever, for always.

But I forgot everything as she trailed her hair across my stomach, over my dick… and down my legs. I groaned in disappointment, making her giggle again.

"We still have time, darling, let's go for quality over quantity."

She was right, of course. She teased me, taunting me with her body, bringing me to the edge so many times that I finally trapped her under my body, slamming into her so that we both came with a cry.

I collapsed on top of her, unable to move, unable to think about being away from her, even for a second. She wrapped her arms around me, shaking as she caught her breath. "I love you, Rache," I whispered, feeling her nod against my shoulder.

I could barely breathe as his body laid on top of mine, and I didn't care. I loved feeling him against me like this, I could feel his heart beating against mine, and I was about to burst with loving him.

I'd never loved the others like this. We were about to be apart, and I couldn't bear the thought of it. With the others I'd be getting restless by now, wanting time alone to be with James or just do my own thing. But not with Nick. I tried to take a deep breath and it caught in my throat.

"Oh, baby, I'm smothering you," he murmured, rolling away from me. I smiled when I could see his face, and wiped away the tears from his cheeks. Embarrassed, he sniffled, rubbing his eyes quickly. "This is what I get for dating an older woman, you teach me things I didn't know existed."

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Really?"

"God, Rache, I've never had sex like this before." He pulled me into his arms. "Maybe it's just that I love you so much," he whispered, holding me close. "Is that what it is?" His voice was so sweet, looking for reassurance.

"I don't know, sweetie. It's pretty fucking astounding for me, too. Either you're amazing, or I'm madly in love with you."

"I think it's both, don't you?"

I smiled against his chest. "Absolutely."

We lay together for a few minutes, but something was bothering me, and I moved away to look at him and figure out what it was.

"Nick!"

He opened his eyes, questioning the panicked tone in my voice. "What, baby? What's wrong?"

"We didn't use a condom."

We both sat up, staring at one another in horror, too freaked out to scream. "You're on the Pill, right? Right? I've seen you take it!"

I nodded at him. "But…"

"We had this talk… I'm a boy scout, I swear!" He teased.

I had to giggle at him. We did have this talk, more than once. "Honestly?"

"Honestly." He grinned, seeing that I'd stopped panicking. "This is all your fault, you got me completely carried away."

"Ah, yes, the power of the wanton sex goddess…" I said dramatically, trying not to worry. "Did you and Willa ever have a scare?"

"You mean, did she ever think she was pregnant?" I nodded, and he laughed. "No. That would have been really scary."

"What, she never tried to keep you by saying she was pregnant?"

"And ruin her figure?" he laughed. "God forbid!"

"You two would have had very blond children," I considered, and he laid me down on the bed again with a laugh.

"I'd rather have little girls with curls like yours," he smiled up at me, twirling a piece of my hair around his finger carefully.

"We'll have little blond boys like you and Aaron," I countered.

He just smiled and by the look in his eyes, I could tell he was going to get sappy on me. I wiggled away from him, finding clothes. "I'm hungry, let's find some food. And coffee, if we're going to stay up until the sunrise."

Rolling over, he glanced at the clock. "Not so far away, it's already 4."

I stopped, only one leg in my jeans. "4? Already?"

He stood up, the same thoughts in his eyes, and came over to me for a kiss. I couldn't do this, I couldn't allow myself to get maudlin. Lovers spent time apart all the time, we weren't going to die.

But things this good never last.

I moved away from him, catching my breath, and pulled on my jeans. "Don't even start. I need sustenance before I take Thor on again."

He put on a super-villain voice. "Thor is hungry…" he growled, and I had to look away from the silly expression on his face before I laughed myself sick.

"Oh, just stop now. Put on some clothes."

"But Thor doesn't like clothes."

I tossed his shorts at him, giggling. "Get dressed, little man. I'll meet you in the kitchen."

Chapter 12:
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