Oreos for Breakfast - Chapter 12
By The Paperbag Princess and The Pumpkin Coach

Corresponding Sudden Silence Message Board Posts (Fictional!)

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I was gazing into my empty refrigerator when I heard him pounding down the stairs like a herd of elephants, and the sound traveled into the living room… ah, the stereo. A familiar keyboard line cheesed its way out of my speakers, and I laughed to myself.

He came around the corner to the kitchen, singing, and Bates backed out of his way, hissing at him in the process.

Here we stand
Worlds apart, hearts broken in two, two, two
Sleepless nights
Losing ground
I'm reaching for you, you, you

He played air drums and I shook my head at him. "You just have no sense of irony about them, do you?"

"Journey rocks, Rache! Hey, it's your CD. I put on your favorite song, even."

'Separate Ways' was my favorite Journey tune, he was right. "Which I have explained is entirely for the cheese value."

"Uh-huh." He grabbed me, dancing around the kitchen and singing at the top of his lungs.

Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched
And went our separate ways

Entirely appropriate, I suppose. Man, I was going to be listening to Journey and sniffling over 'Faithfully' soon, I could just feel it.

The things this boy could make me do.

Giving in, I sang along with him, grooving around the kitchen and bopping my head to the drums. The song over, we leaned against the counter, laughing at ourselves, and he kissed me. "Now, do we have food?"

"Nick, I have food for an army. Does 4 a.m. count as breakfast?"

"Sure!" He kept singing, getting in my way as I tried to toast bagels and scramble eggs, kissing and touching me every chance he got. I sang back, using the spatula as a microphone and striking my best rock god poses, which made him laugh with a mixture of amusement and lust in his eyes. I loved the way he looked at me. With my hair in disarray and in my oldest jeans and favorite sweater, I must be a wreck, but he looked at me like he'd never seen anything quite so amazing.

It was surely mutual, as he danced around my kitchen like a dork, his hair sticking up every which way, in old khaki shorts and one of my tour shirts. He was amazing, full of energy and excitement, singing, telling me during every musical break why Journey was the best band in the world.

We sat at the table with our food and laughed over everything, talking about nothing, and I continued to tease him about his musical selections. Later, our plates pushed aside, we sat talking, holding hands across the table. We were quiet for a moment and we both realized that "Faithfully" was playing.

Oh, fuck.

And being apart ain't easy
On this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy
Of rediscovering you
Oh girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours... faithfully

He sang quietly for the first time all night, and only the pure cheese factor kept me from crying. Oh, this boy… he'd be my downfall yet. I'd become a whore to TRL and do a duet with Steve Perry if it would make Nick smile at me.

"Rache? What I said earlier, that I'm not interested in anyone else, I meant that."

I nodded. "I know."

"Did you?"

She just looked at me for a moment, her eyebrows raised. Every second that she didn't answer, my stomach twisted into tighter knots. I couldn't do that, I couldn't share her.

"Of course."

"Because if you thought you had groupies before… it's just going to get worse." She was going to be huge, I knew it. They still thought the first single was a fluke. Every day she worried that they'd fall off of TRL and people would stop buying their CDs. It was kinda cute, actually.

Taking her hand out of mine, she stood up, walking away from me, and I thought I was going to die. She's going to tell me it's all over, that she doesn't need the press from dating the fat Backstreet Boy. I buried my head in my hands, trying to breathe.

"Oh, baby!" She cried. "I didn't mean to scare you. I was just turning the music down." She took my face in her hands, making me look up at her. "I didn't want to have this conversation with the music blaring." I let her kiss me, fighting the urge to pull her into my arms. We needed to have this talk, not fuck again. "Okay? I'm sorry."

I nodded at her, trying to take a deep breath and failing. The terror was in my brain, and it wasn't going anywhere for a while.

"Let's go outside. I like this time of night." I stood up and she put her arm around my waist, leading me to the door. "Sometimes it's easier to talk in the dark."

I could breathe better outside, looking up at the stars. There were more stars in the sky above this house than I'd ever seen before. She sat at the edge of the deck, facing out towards the water, leaning her forehead against the railing. I joined her, and we sat in silence for a long moment, just listening to the waves against the shore. She took my hand, lacing her fingers through mine.

"Now tell me why I freaked you out so bad in there."

"You could have anyone, Rache."

I heard the smile in her voice as I kept staring at the sea. "You overestimate me, darling."

I shook my head. "No. You underestimate the power of fame. Girls throw themselves at me."

"I know," she said quietly.

"Guys are going to be doing that to you when I'm not there to fight them off."

"Some already do. But I don't care about any of them. I just want you."

I wanted to believe her. I did.

After a minute, she turned my face to hers, looking up at me with a bit of impatience. "Nick, I am not Willa. And I am not sleeping with you for publicity reasons or because I wanted to bag a Backstreet. We're going to be apart for a while, and you have to trust me. I'm not going to do a thing. I'm going to do my job, then come back to the hotel and call you for some hot phone sex." I had to smile at the thought. "And I'm going to trust you."

I nodded at her. From the moment I met her, I hadn't really even looked at another girl. Phone sex would be enough for me. But I knew how she got after a good show. Coming back to an empty hotel room to call me was so not going to cut it.

"Can I do that?" She pushed.

"Yes. I promise, no other girls."

"Because I've gotten that promise before, from other guys, and it's never happened. If you cheat on me, it's over." I tried to answer her, and she went on, placing a long finger over my lips to silence me.. "I can't take that again, I can't let myself get involved in a relationship like that. If you tell me now that you want an open relationship, I will live with that."

"You would?"

"Not happily, but at least then you wouldn't be lying to me. It's not so much the sex as the lies, Nick. Jeremy and I lied to each other so much it almost destroyed the band. And I missed the last months of my father's life because of Damon's lies." There were tears in her eyes, and I stroked her face. "Don't ever lie to me, Nick."

Her voice was fierce, but her eyes were sad. I nodded at her, "I won't."

I hadn't so far. But my entire life was about lying, about hiding the truth from someone. Frank, the fans, my family, Mandy. There was always something that someone shouldn't know.

"And…"

She trailed off, looking out at the water. "What, baby?"

"I just… I'm just scared. I love you and I love my band, and I want both." Overwhelmed, I leaned my forehead against his chest, blinking back tears. Had we come full circle, here I was crying on the deck again. "I don't know how to have both. There's never been a moment in my life when both the band and my love life were good. I'm so fucking scared that I'm going to lose one or the other or probably both."

He wrapped his arms around me, whispering into my hair. "I'm not going anywhere, Rache. You're going to have me no matter what. For as long as you want."

I burst into tears, unable to stop myself. Goddamn this deck, and goddamn his quiet, gentle voice.

In some bizarre way, this little boy reminded me of my dad. Dad and I used to sit out here and talk about life and he'd hold me while I cried over things, telling me it would be all right. Dad loved my band, and was as proud of our success as Nick was.

It took me a while to catch my breath, and Nick just held me tightly, whispering my name over and over. Finally I wiped my face on the sleeve of my sweater, sniffling loudly. He smiled, smoothing back my hair. "Sorry. There's something about the deck tonight," I offered.

He shook his head. "It's alright. I think I understand."

I took a shaky breath and ran my fingers through my hair. "I wish my dad had been able to meet you." My voice caught in my throat and I stopped for a minute. I would not cry again. I never felt the loss of my dad as keenly as I did out here, and emotion and exhaustion were making it worse. And this day, this whole day, being with my family and drinking his wine… I kept trying not to think about him too hard and it had caught up with me.

But I wanted to tell him, because it was true. And I wanted to talk about my dad, because if I could get the words out, I knew I'd feel better.

"I would have liked to have met him."

I shut my eyes, unable to look at him in the moonlight for one second longer. "He would have liked you. He would have teased me about robbing the cradle, and he'd ask the girls to teach him all about the Backstreet Boys, but he would have liked you. You show me the proper amount of respect, I think."

I could hear him laugh as he stroked my hair. "I'm not sure if I'd call it respect…"

I smiled, opening my eyes to look at him. No. He was still too beautiful. I swung around, looking out at the water again, and Nick snuggled up against my side, putting an arm around my shoulders.

"Dad would have. He hated Damon, he saw things I never saw until too late. He tried to talk me out of going to London to be with him, he said that Damon didn't appreciate me, he didn't treat me like the princess I was. It was all lighthearted and joking, but I knew he was serious."

Nick kissed my temple. "And I treat you like a punk rock prom queen."

I smiled. "Yeah. Dad would approve of that. And the band… god, he'd be so excited about this. Videos with Em - who he adored - and rushed singles, headline tours and damn, appearances on TRL. He would have taped it every time the video made it on and he would have played them for anyone who would watch." I took a deep breath. "God, it's only been a year since I would sit on this deck and just stare at the water and be numb."

"And look at you now, baby," he half-teased, and I risked smiling at him.

"Yeah. It's pretty fucking amazing. What were you doing a year ago?"

He considered for a moment. "We were in Sweden, recording. I was probably fighting with Mandy over something." He kissed me carefully. "This is way better, Rache."

We sat there for a long time, his arm around my shoulders, just being quiet and looking at the water and the stars. "I love it here," I finally whispered. "Thank you so much."

He kissed me carefully. "Thank you for bringing me here the first time. It changed my life."

I looked up at him, about to joke, but… it was true. That one simple invitation changed both our lives forever. No matter what happened tomorrow or next week or next month, I was different because I'd been with him.

So instead of making a joke, I wrapped my arms around him, leaning my head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat. "You fit here, Rachel. When I first saw you in this house, with your family, I understood what it was that I loved about you."

"What is that?" I wondered.

He stroked my hair softly. "You're so… centered. You know what you want and I think that comes from here."

I had to think about that for a long minute. I didn't think of myself as centered, but I guess I was. "It took me a long time to get centered," I admitted. "It's sorta a recent development."

"Well, it's a good one," he said, and I looked up at him with a smile.

"So what makes you centered? I've never been to your house, or met your family."

Considering, he shook his head. "We're not like you. I feel more at home on the road than I do at home."

I kissed him. "So is that it? When I see you again in a couple of days, then you'll be home?"

He shrugged. "Maybe?"

Chapter 12:
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