Oreos for Breakfast: Nick BSB Fiction

ch15

Oreos for Breakfast - Chapter 15
By The Paperbag Princess and The Pumpkin Coach

"Darien, if you don't stop drumming your fingers against the seat, I'm going to slap you!" I finally screamed, breaking the silence.

Our limo inched closer to Lincoln Center and I could barely breathe. This was a big deal. Huge. We were too new to be presenting at the fuckin' VMAs, but here we were.

I didn't even care if they gave us a lame award to do. Last night Nick had been complaining that MTV thought it was funny to have Backstreet give out the Hip Hop Award. They all knew that was going to go down like a lead balloon, but they couldn't say no.

I didn't care what we did. Lola had mentioned something about Best Dance Video, but then this morning Amber had been angling for something else. I didn't really care and had no clue who was nominated in just about anything. Except my Nick! Of course, James' votes for N*Sync surely cancelled out my votes for Nick on the Viewer's Choice thing.

We were going to be onstage in front of everyone. I couldn't even think about the people watching at home, but all these music people… they were called our peers, but we knew better than that. We were still the wannabes, and they were the real rock stars.

It had been an unbelievable week, and we were all sitting here silently freaking out on one another as the limo inched its way along Broadway towards Lincoln Center. It was another one of those "this is not my beautiful life" moments. Is this how it was supposed to happen? Jeremy looked over at me and I quickly looked away, I couldn't answer any of the questions that I saw there. This is how it was happening for us. That had to be good enough.

"The fuckin' Met," James whispered in the space between us, and I looked over at him.

"Un-fuckin'-believable."

Jeremy leaned down to me, "Next year we'll be taking one home, right?" he whispered.

I grinned up at him, "Don't even! You'll jinx it all!"

They all groaned. "Rachel and her superstitions," Darien laughed.

"Hey! It's bad luck to think too far into the future. Let's just stay here for a moment, okay?"

I looked at each of them and in turn they nodded at me. I liked it when the boys listened to me.

"The fuckin' Met," James said again, making us all laugh.

Lola clicked off her cell phone. I'd nearly forgotten she was here, huddled in the corner with her ever-present clipboard and cell phone. She'd convinced Amber to meet us there, thank god. I'd told Lola that if I had to deal with Amber in the limo I would not be responsible for my actions. It was bad enough that she was going to be with us when we were in LA tomorrow. A five-hour flight. Five hours for her to grill me about Nick and to plot ways that she could further exploit my sex life to her benefit. LA. Damn, I really could not let myself think about it. My little bar band on a major chat show - Jay fuckin' Leno - unbelievable.

Lola cleared her throat, and we all turned to look at her as she launched into her speech.

"Okay, here's the game plan, boys and girls. First…"

"We're running late," Darien deadpanned. Lola was always telling us how we were running late. Funny, a year ago that would have been me, worrying that we were getting to the gig 20 minutes late and then screaming at Jeremy, even if he agreed with me. Only, a year ago we wouldn't be on our way to Lincoln fuckin' Center to be on national fuckin' television. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming or crying. I wasn't really sure which one.

"You are always late, I'm going to just skip that part of the speech if you don't mind, Darien, because…"

"We're running so fuckin' late!" we all screamed in unison and then laughed at ourselves. Oh, shit, we were giddy already. This was either going to be really good or supremely bad.

"Nice. Yes… not to belabor the point! As I was saying, when we get out - boys first, Rachel last- we'll meet Katy, she's your press person that EMI sent over. Amber will meet us inside."

"Thank god for small favors," Jeremy whispered, making me giggle. He smiled down at me and threw an arm over my shoulder, protectively. That was sort of nice. I liked being able to joke with him.

"Thank Katy for that one. Anyway, we follow Katy down the red carpet - and yes, Darien, before you ask, there really is a red carpet. Basically follow Katy and do whatever she tells you. Here are the press packets again." She handed out shiny folders that had our names embossed on the front. They were so official. We'd read the release at the hotel this afternoon, while we were getting 'styled'. Actually, Darien and James had done the dramatic interpretation, trying to make me laugh as I worried for the millionth time whether my outfit made it look like I was trying too hard.

"Katy doesn't care what you want to do. If she wants you to talk to the local affiliate from Oneonta, that is who you talk to. Any questions?"

"What if I have to pee?" Was that my voice?

Everyone cracked up and Lola smiled at me, "Rachel, in those pants, I don't think that's going to be possible. My advice? Hold it."

"Dude, you've been on tour with her for a while now, you think that's going to work?" James smirked at Lola, and they all laughed at me. I stuck out my tongue at them, trying not to laugh.

"So what you're saying - to recap - is that we just walk down the carpet, answer questions about ourselves, pose for pictures and try to act cool?"

Did she think this was going to be difficult for us? We'd tell anyone who'd listen to buy our single. Did they want us to sing a little on camera? Darien could drum out the beat on my shoulders for all I cared. Suddenly my stomach lurched, and I tried to take a deep breath, but failed. I doubled over, trying to put my head between my knees.

Jeremy's voice was in my ear, "Don't freak, Rache. It's just us."

I took his hand in mine, but didn't open my eyes, trying hard to concentrate on my breathing and stave off the panic attack that was rising in my chest. Damnit, where was Nick? Why did I turn down his offer to ride with me? I wanted to hear his voice in my ear and be holding his hand. He'd make me forget how big this was for us. He'd just tell me over and over again how awesome I was, and how we were going to rule the world. We'd be bigger than Backstreet, he'd tell me. Little boys would have my picture tacked up in their lockers and scream my lyrics at the top of their lungs at our shows. When Nick said those things to me, it was just my boyfriend being sweet. It was when those things actually started to feel real that I freaked out.

I opened my eyes, and James was looking down at me with all the concern in the world on his face, "You okay, Rache?"

I shook my head, but smiled anyway and glanced out the window.

Lola tapped her pen on her clipboard. "Oh, one other thing… Rachel…"

I was busy trying to see out the tinted windows. I could see the red carpet around the corner and squinted to see if I could make out Nick's frame. They were supposed to arrive before us. I remember Nick telling me that at some point last night. They had to do all the press early so they could get to their show after they presented the first award. I turned back to her when I heard my name, "Uh-huh?"

"Cell phone is mine." She wasn't smiling.

"No fuckin' way. I promise I'll turn it off." I pouted over at her and shook my head. It was like my security blanket. I told Nick I'd have it on.

As if on cue, it rang, making everyone laugh. Jeremy grabbed it out of my hand, looking at the caller ID screen. "It's the punkass!"

He threw it back at me, and I stuck my tongue out at him as they all started mimicking my voice. Yes, this was my little bar band, bad manners and all! I rolled my eyes and turned away from them, "Hey, baby," I cooed just to annoy them. "Where are you?"

Nick did that sexy little giggle that made my stomach do flip flops, "About to step out onto the carpet, Rache."

"Ooh… we're about 5 or 6 limos behind you, I think. Lola says 5 minutes. Will you be inside by then? Are they letting you sit or do you go straight backstage?"

He laughed at all my questions, "Baby, it's gonna take an hour to move 20 feet. You have no idea. You nervous yet?"

I knew she was. She'd freaked out on the phone last night, picking a fight about something stupid and then crying when she couldn't find the CD she wanted. I could hear the nervousness in her voice now. I tried to imagine what was going through her mind. I looked over at AJ sitting across from me. He didn't even glance out the window as the limo stopped. We were so jaded, weren't we?

"A little," she admitted.

"Brave face for the boys?" I teased and she laughed.

"Actually, I just about lost my breakfast on Jeremy's shoes."

"Oh, baby. Wish I were there. You're gonna be huge, Rache. Bigger than Backstreet any day." I knew that'd make her smile and I could hear her breathing steadying through the phone. "I bet you look so hot, Rache."

She laughed, "You have no idea, Nicky."

Nicky? She was in a good mood. I closed my eyes and imagined her in those leather pants that I loved. Then immediately I imagined her out of them, lying naked in the back of the limo. Damn. I still had a show to get through, and she had all the after-show parties.

"How long until I get to ravish you?"

She giggled and then whined, "Too long…" I loved that whine.

"Did you tell Frank which parties you're going to?"

"Of course. He's got his instructions, sweetie. You just have a great show, and I'll see you after…"

The limo door opened, and I couldn't hear her anymore. I yelled into the phone, "Gotta go. Love you, buttercup."

I faintly heard her voice on the other end before I clicked off the phone and joined Kevin and Brian who were already ahead of us, talking to the Jive publicist.

I turned off the phone and couldn't help but smile down at it. In an instant he'd made me feel better. Calmer. Lola held out her hand for my phone and I handed it to her, "You are a mean, evil woman!" I pouted, making everyone else laugh.

I glanced at my reflection in the tinted window and couldn't believe that was me. Damn, that stylist was a fucking magician! This was better than Halloween.

I looked around at my boys, admiring them. James got to wear a sparkly T-shirt that hugged his chest and leather pants that were certain to win him some admirers at the parties later. Jeremy's signature fringe had been streaked red and covered his eye mysteriously. I sighed when I looked over at him. He truly was a beautiful man, even if he wouldn't let them take away his faded jeans and leather jacket. Darien was decked out in black bondage trousers with little zippered pockets everywhere. Bet he had a condom in each one, too.

But me. Damn, Nick wasn't even going to recognize me. My unruly curly hair was ironed stick straight and she'd added bright purple extensions around my face. Glam rock at its finest. I looked like one of the Barbies we'd used for the video. I was even dressed like a doll, poured into a pair of silver glittery pants that must have cost more than I had in my bank account and a short tank top to match, perfect for showing off the tattoos.

That was our cool "Sudden Silence Fact" for tonight's press gauntlet - Rachel's tattoos. Well, all of us really, but mine was the one they were all going to ask to see. Amber had made sure of that.

The limo stopped, and I said a little prayer that I'd actually be able to walk in the damned heels the stylist had talked me into at the last minute.

"God day-um!" AJ exclaimed, and we all turned and stared at him. We were on camera, dude. You can't curse on camera!

He hit my arm and pointed to a black limo that'd just pulled up to the carpet. Kevin was in the middle of saying something about the new single. We'd recorded it for Black and Blue, but decided it was too good to get lost on an album's worth of new material. Bullshit, we hated it. We pulled it from the CD because it sounded just like every other sappy ballad we did. At least I thought so. But we needed to release something new with Jive's Greatest Hits CD. If AJ hadn't gone to rehab we could have recorded something good.

Actually, if AJ hadn't gone into rehab we could have forced Jive not to release the stupid Greatest Hits CD, but I couldn't think about that now. Now we had to be happy and smile for the MTV cameras. For upstanding Christian boys we were good at lying.

I rolled my eyes at AJ but followed his gaze to the limo. Anything was more interesting than listening to Kevin talk.

Who was that? Damn she was hot.

Jesus. Christ. Was that Rachel?

My Rachel?

That hair? Those pants? Those heels?

My jaw dropped, and AJ hit me again, "Dude, that is so not our vending machine girl!"

I glared at him, "MINE. She's my vending machine girl, dawg! You've got Sarah!"

Without skipping a beat, I walked toward her. Lola caught me, though, catching my eye and shaking her head, stopping me in my tracks. She can't be serious. Where was that Amber chick? She'd want Rachel and me in the same shot. If I didn't kiss her right now my heart was going to stop beating. I was sure of it.

I glared at Lola and felt Frank's hand on my arm, "Not now, little man, you have a job to do."

I turned around and glared at him. I knew he was right. Rachel didn't want me there. This night was about her, not us. I had to be good. I moved back over to the fellas, hoping no one noticed, but kept my eye on Rachel. God, she was amazing.

Jeremy had his arm around her waist, and she squealed as the interviewer said something and Jeremy ran his finger across her Sudden Silence tattoo. She squirmed away from him and looked over, catching me staring at her.

Damn. Who gave him that gorgeous blue jacket? It made his eyes look amazing. And where were the leather pants he was telling me about earlier? He was so cute when we were on the phone while the wardrobe girls made him try on different outfits for tonight. I'd listened as they cooed at him, telling him he looked good in everything he put on. Kevin had been teasing him that he wouldn't be able to sit down, the leather pants were so tight. That image had kept me going all day!

I smiled over at him quickly before turning back to the interviewer. I had to concentrate on this now, not ravishing my boy toy. Yet again, it was going to be too quick. We'd have a few hours alone in our hotel room, and then I had to be on a plane to LA. I pushed the thought out of my head, paying attention to the woman standing in front of us.

She said something else about our single, and James took over, smiling at her and being his charming self. I looked around at my boys and felt my chest tightening again, but this time I wasn't nervous. It was just us. James, Darien, Jeremy and me. No matter how much we fought and got on each other's last nerve, I didn't want to be standing here with anyone else. They'd pulled me back up after Dad died, and we'd managed to make an amazing record. An amazing record that people were actually listening to.

No, now my chest was tight because I loved them all so much. And a little bit of missing my dad. What would this interviewer do if I suddenly kissed all the boys in my band? I should use tongue. Yeah, that could start some interesting fan fic...

Katy pulled us over to another interview station, and I heard someone call my name. I looked over and saw Jamie out of the corner of my eye, waving.

Jamie? Jamie fucking Hewlitt? I must be making that up. Why in the world was a comic book artist at the VMAs? Right, he did Gorillaz with…

I saw Damon and gasped, grabbing James' arm to keep myself from falling backwards. I knew his silly vanity project was nominated for something, but Damon hated awards shows, they did nothing for his precious fucking indie cred.

I hadn't seen Damon in over a year. Not since the morning I stormed out of the apartment in London. The day Mom called to tell me Daddy was gone. The day my life changed forever. Just thinking about that morning made me shiver even though it was nearly 80 degrees outside.

James looked over at me questioningly and then followed my gaze to Damon. He grabbed my hand protectively, giving it an encouraging squeeze, and set his jaw.

Damon looked like hell. His hair was cropped too short, and he had at least two day's growth on his chin. He looked like he'd been out all night and slept on the floor of a grotty hotel room. He was dressed in an old T-shirt and faded jeans. That was my Damon, trying very hard to look as if he didn't care, the very picture of his precious indie-fuckin'-cred.

Damon loathed chat shows and award things, so why the hell was he here? Because we were here? Did he know about Nick and me? Of course he did, Em and Alex knew. Alex so would have told Damon, it was too good for Alex not to torture him with. I moved on from him to a talentless boy bander. No, Alex wouldn't do that. I'd just seen him not even two weeks ago with Em in Cincinnati. He was happy for me, I was sure of it.

Get a grip, Rache, everything's not about you. A few weeks as a rock star, and my ego had already started growing out of control. Damon hadn't even seen me. Hell, if he did, he'd probably avoid me. After all, I wasn't the one who went and got another woman pregnant while I was living with - and professing to love - someone else.

I felt James steer me away, and I turned back to the woman holding the microphone in front of me. Game face, Rachel. Fuck Damon. I was a wanton sex goddess now. I had a boyfriend who adored me, not someone who could barely be bothered to notice that I was in the room. Katy said something, but I missed it. The interviewer had extensions, too. But mine were better. Hers were just black, not kick ass glam purple!

"Did you see that? Our man just dissed me!" the interviewer whined.

I stared at her, clueless. Our man? What? Damon didn't even look at me.

Oh my god. It was the attack of the ex's! It was Willa. Willa fucking Ford standing in front of me with a fake smile plastered on her face, holding a microphone. Shit, she must be fucking Carson if she got this gig.

I quickly plastered a smile on my face, trying not to burst into hysterical laughter, "What?"

"Nickolas Gene Carter just walked right by me. Didn't even look at me!" she pouted. Not really to me, she was glancing past me into the camera.

Nick ignored her? Oh, I was so gonna reward him later! Did they get that on tape? Would they give me a copy? Could I send it out as Christmas gifts to all my friends?

I smiled at her sweetly, "That wasn't very nice of him! I'm sure he just didn't notice you over here. I'll be sure to yell at him later."

When we're making love and he's screaming my name. Yeah, I'd tell him then. I'd tell him that I loved him for picking me and ignoring you. I was so proud of him!

Willa started to say something else about Nick, but Katy wasn't having it, pulling James and me back a bit so Jeremy could move forward and give the 15 second sound bite they needed. Damn, that was smooth. Suddenly we were moving on to the next station. Willa called something after us, but I didn't even turn around to see what she was saying. Between Willa and Damon, I was completely freaking out. Could my life get more fucking surreal?

Where'd she go? They were presenting Best Dance Video, which was the next award after the break. I'd stalled as long as I could backstage as Brian ran back after that stupid host to grab the champagne bottle. I couldn't believe he made a crack about alcohol and AJ. That was just lame. I saw Frank coming towards me out of the corner of my eye. We had to get going, I knew that, but she had to be back here somewhere. I just wanted 10 seconds to tell her I loved her and wish her luck. That's all.

Then MTV could follow us wherever they wanted. Management had talked them into doing a piece about how we were getting from the awards to our show across the river in New Jersey. Must see TV for you right there. It was sick, the things we were doing to get publicity now. But the tour was losing money hand over fist after we had to break for AJ.

I saw James' sparkly T-shirt down the hallway and headed off towards him, holding up a hand to Frank. Just two more seconds.

"Nick! Dude, good job there with the rapper names." James smiled at me.

"Thanks, dawg. Where is she?"

James just laughed and pointed down the hall. There she was, standing alone in a corner. Was she praying? About to throw up? She'd been so nervous when we talked earlier on the phone. But when I saw her on the red carpet, you couldn't tell she was even a little bit nervous. She was smiling and talking to all the reporters like she'd known them forever. She was a natural at this stuff.

I tip-toed over to her, putting my hand lightly on her shoulder.

"Not now, James! I'm busy!"

I leaned down to whisper in her ear, trying not to laugh, "Whatcha doing, buttercup?"

She turned around and squealed, nearly dropping her phone, "Nick! Voting for you, baby! James just called like 10 times voting for N*Sync and Lola took my phone so I couldn't call you, which means I couldn't vote, and that's just unfair. If they win because my votes didn't cancel out James'…"

She was too adorable, my girlfriend. But we didn't have time for this, we could talk all night, but right now I had to kiss her before Frank got over here and forced me to the van. I leaned down and kissed her, expecting her to pull back, not wanting me to mess up her lipstick, but she didn't do that.

Oh, this is what I needed. For the first time in hours, I felt my heartbeat returning to normal as I slid my arms around his neck and leaned into his kiss. Damon didn't matter, Willa didn't matter. Just Nick mattered. He parted my lips with his tongue and I sighed, melting into him. His hands were on my waist, holding me steady as he pushed his hips against me.

And then he was gone. My eyes were still closed, and I felt his hand on my cheek, "Love you, buttercup. You're going to be great."

I opened my eyes and caught his smile as Frank reached us, pulling on his arm. "Oh, no. We'll see Rachel later, little man. Kevin is so gonna kick my ass if you're late. Say goodbye, Rachel."

"Goodbye, Rachel," I heard myself whisper as Nick backed away, winking at me and nearly blinding me with his smile. Was every woman in this room overcome with the urge to pin him up against the wall and kiss him until she had no breath left in her body? Or was that just me?

"Rache? Rachel!" James voice was in my ear, and I felt like I was coming out of a fog. "Close your mouth, dear. We're up next and they need to fix your makeup after boy wonder."

I grinned up at James, "He was just here, right? That wasn't an illusion? I haven't lost my mind?"

"Well that last bit is debatable… but yes, he was just here. Here and gone, like all hot men are," he teased.

I laughed and started to say something about JC, but he shot me a look and I caught myself. Damn, this was weird. Not being able to tease James about his crush because it turns out his silly crush was really fuckin' gay!

Fucking surreal.

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