Chapter 19 - page 2

Oreos for Breakfast - Chapter 19

By
The Paperbag Princess & The Pumpkin Coach

"10 minute warning!" James' voice came through the door, and I jumped at the sound. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I didn't have a thing to wear and my hair was still wet. Shit!

"Just a minute, I'm not decent!"

James strolled in, followed closely by Jeremy who grinned at me as I tried to cover myself. "Like we haven't seen it before."

I stuck my tongue out at them and then turned back to my closet.

"Fuck you! Can we at least pretend that I'm a girl and need some privacy?"

"For what? It's radio, Rache!" Jeremy argued, leaning back on the bed and watching me as I stared into the closet, dressed only in my jeans and a bra. "That's a good look on you, though. That might sell some albums. Maybe we should do a video interview."

I just flipped him off and grabbed the first shirt in the closet, pulling it over my head. "Will this do?" I asked James, and he smiled.

"Whatever. J's right, it's radio. Come on, Saffron will have our heads if we're late."

"What? Is the honeymoon over? Should we magically learn promptness now that we have a management company?" I laughed, grabbing my phone and bag while shoving my wallet into my back pocket as they rushed me out of the room.

They talked in the elevator as I checked my messages to see if Nick called again last night. Okay, that was pathetic… he was pretty drunk when we talked last night, and I should be wishing he was sleeping and not calling me. We hadn't really gotten much sleep this weekend, especially not the last night. I felt my face flush as I remembered lying in bed with him watching the sun come up, feeling his breath on my skin and his arms around me. Damn. Was there ever a better way to watch the sun rise? All right, maybe on my beach at home… still with Nick, though. I liked greeting the day with him.

"Earth to Rachel!"

"Thinking of the blond wonder again?" Jeremy teased. "Man, you never got that gooney far away look in your eyes when we were together!"

I just stuck out my tongue as I listened to my messages. Seven. Shit. I'd checked them last night, hadn't I?

One was from my mom…. from last week. Damn, my voicemail must still be screwed up. The second and third ones were from Lola, reminders about our schedule changes. I'd already deleted those this weekend, hadn't I?

The last four were Nick. Midnight. 12:38. 1:46. 3:12. Progressively drunker as the night wore on. I think I'd talked to the 1 AM Nick; he was still coherent. I laughed to myself as I listened to his sweet, drunk messages. By the last one, I could barely tell it was him. I think I made out the words "love" and "miss." But I'm not sure.

I dialed Nick's number as I followed them through the lobby to our waiting car. Whoa… it wasn't a cab, but a limo. Damn, I loved having management.

"Rache, we'll be in at the radio station in less than 10 minutes." Lola cautioned as I climbed in.

"Yeah, nice to see you again, too. How was your weekend?" I teased and she just smiled.

"Not as good as yours, I imagine."

"Doubtful… have I mentioned how sweet my boyfriend is?"

The boys all groaned, and I shushed them, smiling over at Saffron. I hadn't even noticed her when I first got in the car. This was okay, right? I could talk to Nick while she was around; it wasn't a conflict of interest or anything… oh, fuck it!

Nick's voicemail came on and I leaned my head against the window, trying to tune everyone else out. I glanced at my watch, even though I knew full well that he wasn't up yet. It was barely 7 AM.

"Hiya, bunny. Sounds like you had a good night. You must be sleeping off the hangover. Look, I'm on my way to an interview - in a limo, I might add! - and our schedule is all sorts of busy today, but I'll try to call on a break and fill you in on the changes. I think we're doing every media outlet in America over the next two days. Or should I just call Frank directly? Love you."

I hung up, and Jeremy rolled his eyes, "Didn't you just see him yesterday? What could you possibly have to catch up on?"

I didn't even have time to argue or lean over to hit him, as Saffron started handing out revised copies of the already revised schedules. I could tell this was going to be a long day.

"Ten minutes in AJ's room, Nick."

He could not be serious? I scowled at the phone and then dropped the receiver back down and tried to sit up. Whoa. Not a good idea. No, not at all. The room was still spinning from last night. I grabbed hold of the mattress, as if that would stop the bed from spinning.

Nope.

I closed my eyes and felt like I was on a roller coaster. Up… down… up… I heard myself giggle, and then there was a knock on the door.

"You decent in there?"

Frank. Fuck. That meant I really had to move.

I tried again and managed to sit up without falling back over as the door to the bedroom opened. Frank sort of looked like god standing there in the doorway, the bright light in the front room illuminating his outline. Was this it? Had I died of alcohol poisoning and was Frank really god?

I shuddered at the thought. If that was the case, I was seriously fucked, huh?

"Define decent." I scowled as he came into the room, glancing around at the mess everywhere. I was still wearing the same T-shirt I had on last night, but I had managed to pull off my jeans and shoes before I crawled into bed.

"Dude, Eddie sucks at taking care of you."

I shrugged. Who the hell was Eddie? Oh, Howie's guy. "Yeah, he sucks. We got mobbed last night in the lobby, but I guess you heard, huh?"

Frank knew everything. It was his job, I supposed, but sometimes it sucked. I could never just fuck up and not feel like the world was going to know about it within 30 minutes. It was kind of creepy if I thought about it too much, so I usually chose not to think about it.

I walked carefully past him into the bathroom, grabbing some clothes out of my bag along the way. Damn, I had to pee.

"Dude, you could at least close the door!" Frank sighed, pulling the door closed behind me.

"Sorry," I mumbled under my breath. Fuck him. No one invited him here. "Frank, do I really have to see the guys in 10 minutes? Can you tell them I'm sick or something?"

"Not a chance, little man; they know you were out drinking last night. Hell, the whole floor heard you coming in at 3 AM."

3 AM? Hadn't it been 1 or something when I talked to Rachel? Where'd those other 2 hours go?

"No shit. We weren't that loud," I snarled back, opening the door as I brushed my teeth. What had Rachel said about me being loud when I was drunk? Maybe I should have listened to her about that one.

That reminded me. She had to be up early this morning; had she called me yet? I spit the toothpaste out and grabbed my phone off the bedside table. Four messages. Frank threw me a T-shirt, and I sniffed it. Clean enough. I was just seeing the fellas, after all.

One was Mom. Let her know when I had time for them to come see me. They missed me and all that. Mom could be sweet sometimes, I supposed.

Two was Aaron, telling me not to listen to Mom, that she had some new scheme cooked up and I should avoid talking to her for a few days. Okay, I hated Mom now and loved Aaron. He was always watching my back. Gotta love him.

Three better be Rachel. I deleted the first two and sat down on the bed, reaching for my shoes. Three was… Mandy? What the fuck?

She was sorry for calling, but with the events of the last few weeks she just couldn't stop thinking about me and wanted to apologize. Don't hate her, but she got my number from BJ. I was gonna fuckin' kill BJ next time I saw her. I told her not to give my new number out.

Frank hollered my name, and I stood up too fast, feeling the world spin again. Maybe I needed some coffee before I could face the fellas.

Four was Rachel! "I need coffee first," I mumbled to Frank as we got on the elevator, and he nodded, hitting the down button.

I leaned back and closed my eyes, listening to Rachel's sweet voice. She sounded so awake, and she'd left this message for me at 7 AM. I looked around the elevator; what time was it, anyway? I never wore a watch. Without a second thought, I reached for Frank's arm and pulled his wrist up so I could see his watch.

"Freak. You could just ask."

He sounded just like Rachel, she was always calling people 'freaks.' I stuck my tongue out at him and replayed Rachel's message. I'd completely missed what she was saying the first time around.

Right. They had a limo. She was so cute about stuff like that, all excited and shit. And then what I'd been dreading. Their schedule was changing. I fuckin' knew it. She was probably canceling on me - again. Wonder what it was this time? Needed to write another song with Jeremy? Maybe a photo shoot where they'd have her half-naked, draped across the boys.

Okay, they'd never really done that. Mandy had done that - more than once. Just to piss me off. And then she expected me not to be jealous and shit. Man, how was it possible that I was the only one who didn't see her playing me? Thank god Rachel didn't do that shit. I was still a jealous freak with Rachel, but that was mostly my imagination.

Well, when she wasn't off kissing her ex.

Fuck.

"Frank, where's my schedule book?" I had Rachel's dates jotted down next to mine, so I could remember where she was.

"In the room, need it?"

I nodded. Oh wait, she wasn't going to tell me the rest of the schedule; guess I should have listened to the whole message. I grabbed his arm and shook my head as I deleted the message.

"No. They're changing her schedule around again, but she didn't have time to tell me."

"Just have her call me."

I laughed, "That's what she said!"

I followed Frank to the little coffee shop in the lobby and I heard someone call my name. Instinctively, I turned and a flash went off, blinding me. I fuckin' hated that. "Dang it! Do you have to do that so early?"

Well it was like 1 PM. Guess it wasn't early to them.

The girl who'd taken the picture looked up at me, horrified, and I immediately felt bad. Today was not going to be a good day, was it? I took a step forward and she looked at her friends and then stepped back from me. Shit.

"I'm… I'm sorry, baby. Really. I just… I just woke up, and I had sort of a late night last night."

"You were an asshole," someone behind me muttered. It all came back to me… when we came back last night someone had wanted my picture and an autograph and I'd told them I was tired and going to bed. Guess that made me an asshole. Or was she one of the girls I was talking to at the bar? Someone had been mad when I left and didn't take her… oh hell, either way, it wasn't good.

"I'm sorry." I smiled at the girl in front of me, trying to ignore the ones behind me, "Do you want a decent picture? I don't bite. Promise…"

I held out my hand, and she came over, taking it. She was shaking a bit, but I didn't know if that was because she was still scared or just nervous to be near me. You never could tell. I held her close while her friend fiddled with the camera. I felt myself growing impatient, but I stifled it. I owed her a good picture. Her friend finally got it to work, and I looked down at her, "What's your name?"

"Tina."

"Hi, Tina. I'm Nick. And I just woke up, and I'm sorry I snapped. It's been a week…"

She smiled and nodded, "It's okay, I should have asked."

Yeah, well… none of them ever did. Why start now? It was like my entire life was a big photo shoot. No matter where I was, I was fair game. And I bet I looked great now, didn't I? Like the walking dead. I noticed Frank out of the corner of my eye. He was holding my coffee, and I reached out.

"I can be a bear without my coffee in the morning."

She giggled, and I noticed that I still had her hand in mine. That was sort of nice. She squeezed it and smiled, "It's after noon, Nick!"

"Yeah, well… late night. Bad headache. I slept in today. So, Tina… coming to our show tonight?"

"Of course! We followed the bus yesterday from Ottawa! I can't wait. This is my last one, though."

"How many have you seen?"

"Two in Toronto, then Ottawa and now Montreal. Four."

"Wow. Impressive. Who's your favorite?" I licked my bottom lip as I considered her, and she gasped quietly. Oh, me. Right. "Me?"

She nodded, her eyes wide again.

"Well, let's see what we can do to make your last show special, okay? How many friends are with you?"

"Just two. Janet and Susan."

"Well, write your names down for Frank here, and we'll get you something special for tonight. Go to the 'will call' window, and they'll hook you up, okay?"

She nodded and this time the shaking wasn't because I'd scared her. I fuckin' loved my life sometimes. In two seconds, I could make this girl happy again. I still didn't get it, but whatever… it worked.

I headed for the elevator, posing for pictures and giving out hugs along the way. There was only a small group of girls in the lobby, so it was manageable. By the time I'd made it to the elevator, Frank had caught up with me.

"Nice save, little man."

"Hey! I can be nice!"

"Like I said, nice save."

We got up to AJ's room, and I steeled myself for the comments about how late I was, but no one was around. I heard him in the bedroom and called out, "Hey, Aje, I'm here! Where's everyone else?"

"Nicky!" AJ came in, drying his hair with a towel. Did he just get up, too? Cool. They couldn't complain that I was the lazy one today. "Sorry, Sarah and I just got back from the pool."

"I just got up," I offered. Dang. They were all up and being productive, while I was just being a lazy drunk, sleeping off my hangover. I fell back on the couch and sipped my coffee, but it wasn't making my head feel much better.

AJ smiled, 'Yeah, I know. Nice 'do, man."

I patted my hair down on my forehead and scowled at him. "Frank said I only had 10 minutes."

"Yeah, well, Martin needed Kevin and Howie for something so we rescheduled. We'll talk before the show. They need us to look at something for the publicity shots for the new CD."

"Cool. Did they try Em?" I'd suggested Em to our management team, and they'd laughed, saying that Em wouldn't be available on such short notice. But she'd done it for Rachel, and I was sort of her friend now, too, right?

"Yeah, they tried Em, and she's booked. Sorry, dawg."

I shrugged. "That's okay, we'd just get compared to Sudden Silence and then Jeremy would be all pissed off."

"So?"

"Just makes life difficult for Rachel." And me… and everyone around us by proxy. Strange how one temper tantrum by Jeremy could set off this whole chain of events.

"Well, don't worry. Crisis averted! So now that you're here… Should we talk?"

I looked around the room. If he and Sarah just got back, where was Sarah? And where did Frank go? I didn't hear him leave.

"About what, dawg?" I took another sip of my coffee and burned my tongue. "Dang it!"

"Let it cool, little man. You are always so impatient."

"Am not."

"Right," AJ nodded like the wise older brother, and I wanted to smack him. "You aren't at all impatient. You're not the one who gets pissed of if you have to go more than a couple days without seeing the fair Rachel or jumps down our throats when she's not answering your calls. Right."

"Shuddup! I'm too hung over to have this conversation with you. Me and Rachel are cool, man."

He gave me that look again, and I sighed, closing my eyes as I leaned my head back on the couch. That was better. My head was still pounding, and it was too light in this room.

"Then what was yesterday? You come back to us from seeing her and - first, we don't see you the entire time she's here. You're off with her and James. Which is cool, I guess. But we'd kinda like to get to know her, too, you know?"

"What… are you the Backstreet ambassador here, Aje? You know her. You've hung out with her. You could have asked to hang with us, but you're attached to Sarah's hip. Not my fault."

I opened my eyes, and AJ had that serious look on his face. Dang. I hated serious AJ. I was gonna get the lecture.

"No one wants to impose, dude. We know you don't get to see her as much as you want to… but I'm just saying. You spend a day away from us and come back and it's like you have this fuckin' chip on your shoulder. What was that about the tour yesterday and picking a fight with Kevin? That was uncool."

"I apologized." I had. After the meeting, even, I'd gone over to Kev and told him I was sorry. He'd just shrugged it off and said he understood.

"The dawg holds a grudge, Nicky."

"Like you have to tell me that? I know. I apologized! What more do you want?"

"I want… I want you to think about what's going on here. You're going down that road, man. I see it."

"What road?" What the hell was he talking about?

"The girl the other night? Going out last night and partying with everyone, collecting numbers. It's not cool, and it's not going to fly with Rachel. There's only so much you can keep from her. The fans… they talk, Nick."

"How do you know about last night?"

"See? If I know… how many other people do, Nick? Just be careful. You can't be all in love with Rachel when she's in front of you and then go back to being normal Nick when she's not."

"Am not."

"Are too!"

Okay, now we sounded like Aaron and me. I pulled myself up from the couch. "Thanks for the advice, Uncle Alex, but I think I know Rachel a little better than you do. We're fine. She understood about the girl the other night. Hell, she kissed Jeremy! That was way worse!"

He just raised an eyebrow, and I felt myself starting to get really pissed off. Fuck him. I didn't need his advice. Brian probably put him up to this because he didn't like Rachel. AJ liked Rachel, and here he was just causing trouble. We were fine! She understood me, and we could flirt with other people. She did it all the time.

Okay, but then she came back and called me. I just pined for her and then did something stupid like invite girls back to the hotel 'just to talk.' Maybe AJ had a point.

"Thanks for the unsolicited advice, dude. But we're fine. I'll see you at soundcheck. I need to find about 12 aspirin."

He started to say something, but I ignored him. I didn't want the hangover lecture now, too. It's not like I went out drinking every night. So I had one bad night and was a little hung over. Didn't make me him.

I found Frank in the hallway. He had my schedule, and I snapped it out of his hands, "I need a few hours to get rid of this headache. Can you ask Kevin when we're meeting for me?"

Frank agreed and went off to find Kevin. I just needed some time alone. Maybe I'd call Aaron and see what Mom was up to. But first, I wanted to talk to Rachel. AJ had my mind spinning, and I just needed to hear her voice. That's all I ever needed. Just a few minutes to talk to her… feel grounded again.

Of course, that wasn't happening. Voicemail… again.

"Hey, baby. Are you still in your interviews? I got my schedule book from Frank, so call me when you're free and tell me what you're up to for the next couple of days. Tell me that Saffron isn't canceling our time together this weekend. That would suck."

I hoped that didn't sound too whiney. I know I'd just seen her, but it was so much better when she was here. I could lock myself away with her and not have to worry about all this down time when the fellas were busy with other things and their girls.

"Anyway, that's all. I've got such a fucking hangover and just wanted to call and hear your voice for a couple of seconds. Love you, buttercup."

"We suck!" I announced to my boys, and they all started laughing. "I'm calling the professional."

Jeremy tried to grab the phone out of my hand, but I danced out of his way, waiting for Nick to pick up. James grabbed his arm. "She's right, man. Harmony is not our strong suit."

"Yeah?" Nick growled into the phone, but I ignored the tone in his voice.

"What are we doing wrong, Nick?"

"What?"

"Listen." I held the phone up and the boys sang with me on cue. "Sweet harmony…" Then I put the phone back to my ear. "We suck, don't we? We want to do Elvis Costello's 'Peace, Love and Understanding' tonight-"

Jeremy had to interrupt me. "It's Nick Lowe, actually," he corrected.

"Whatever, J, you only know that because we had to get online to look up the lyrics," James sighed, rolling his eyes.

"I knew that already," Darien offered, and James threw a pillow at him.

"Because you are a freak."

"Whatever!" I yelled over them. "I am telling a story here! Anyway, bunny, we're like practicing in between interviews, and we got the lyrics, and we're each taking half a verse-"

"Even James and Darien?" Nick asked.

"I know! Isn't that shocking?" I agreed. "And then we want to do harmony on the 'sweet harmony' line, but we suck at harmony, and you have to help us, or it'll suck and you don't want us to suck, do you?"

I loved this girl. She cracked me up. I didn't even know what song she was talking about, but I loved listening to her ramble. "Dunno, Rache, you suck pretty good."

"Shut up!" she giggled. "Be serious. Fix it!"

"Alright, alright. Sing it again." They did, and I tried to pay attention this time. "Somebody's got to go higher," I told her. "I'm thinking it should be you. Pretend you're Howie."

"Do I have to wink? If I wink, will I sing better?"

"Are you implying that Howie sings good?" That made her laugh, and the next try was better. "Alright, what's the whole line? Who's singing that? Because he's got to take the middle part."

"What the fuck line is it?" Rachel asked the guys. "We've gotten a little stuck on this part."

"Great, we've got two words down," I heard James say. "Why are we doing this again?"

"Because the country is on the brink of war, and we have to divert it!" she insisted.

"With one song?" I had to question. She might be getting a little ahead of herself here.

"Well, okay… but it's important! I want to do something different tonight!"

All right, my girl was maybe a little bit of a control freak. I knew she was nervous about their first show after 9/11, and this gave her something to obsess over. I knew the feeling. Why had we added 'America the Beautiful', after all?

"It's James! James gets to be in the middle."

"I've always thought of myself as a bit left of center, actually." I heard him deadpan in the background. Freak.

I could just tell Rachel was rolling her eyes at him. "Sing for Nicky, James." I had to listen to each of them by themselves, but in a couple of minutes, we had it figured out.

"What are you doing?" I jumped when Brian stepped in front of me. I guess I'd gotten a little involved with what I was doing. I was probably singing too loud and annoying everyone.

Hell, at least someone was talking to me. After soundcheck, everyone had disappeared to do their own things, and I was just hanging out being bored.

"Do it, guys," I told them, and held out the phone for Brian to hear. He listened, and then nodded at me with an impressed look on his face. "Hey, even Brian liked that one."

"Brian is listening? Dude, he must think we are rank amateurs!"

"You are rank amateurs, Rache. Leave the real harmonizing to the professionals," I teased, making her laugh.

"Shit, another interview… Thank you, bunny. I'll call you after my show. Love you!"

She was gone before I got a chance to say it back, so I just tucked my phone into my pocket, and looked at Brian. "What?"

"What?" he shrugged. "I heard you singing over here and I was curious."

"What, I'm not allowed to sing before the show? Might ruin my voice?"

"No… just… hell, I figured it must be Rachel; she's the only thing that can make you smile lately."

I just shook my head, turning away. "I already got the lecture from AJ today, Bri. Don't."

"I'm not-" He stopped himself with a sigh. "Never mind. I won't give you the lecture. I won't offer any advice on long-distance dating, because I'm not married or anything. I won't try to talk to you; I'll just let you sit over here and be a grump. I won't-"

I stopped him, trying not to laugh. It was really difficult to be angry with Brian, and, well, he hadn't really done anything, had he? Maybe my hangover was impacting my judgment a little bit today. "Go. I'll skip the lecture, but give me the advice."

James took my hand, pulling me out of the car as we stopped at the venue. We were immediately surrounded. Everyone was calling our names, holding CDs and magazines out to get signed. Whoa. That usually didn't happen. I glanced down at my watch. Shit! It was nearly 9. We hadn't even sound checked... that was wrong!

I looked over to Lola as I signed things, "When do we check?"

"No time tonight, sorry. The interviews ran too long. I had Steve and Kyle set everything up."

Jeremy's head snapped up at that, "Who's Kyle?"

"New tech," Lola smiled, "Saffron is adding people to the tour, says you're going to be too busy to do all the tech stuff yourself from now on. Kyle's just the guitar tech, but he's filling until we can get a drum guy and a couple more roadies. Steven's got lighting experience, so he'll stay on for that." She looked down at her clipboard and then back at us, nodding, "Yep, that's it for now."

"No one told us that," I shot back. I didn't know if I liked that or not. I mean, it was kinda cool to get to the venue at 9 PM and go on quickly. It beat sitting around and hearing Tsar's set for the millionth time and eating food that was bad for us backstage. But I liked tuning my own guitars. No one understood them like I did, and I was a little picky. And Jeremy was way worse than me.

Jeremy read my mind, pulling me over, "You like this?"

I shook my head. "Someone else tuned my guitars? I don't even let you touch them!"

He smiled, "We'll talk to them after the show, see if we can't figure something out. Darien is going to freak if his drums aren't set up right. How could we not know…"

"Today was such a blur, J. Did we ever leave that hotel conference room? I had no idea it was so late." There were a million interviews, and every free moment we had, Jeremy'd been picking out 'Peace, Love and Understanding' on his acoustic, while we figured out the lyrics. Shit, I hadn't even tried to play it yet. It was pretty simple, but still…

He nodded, and someone asked for our picture. As if on cue, we turned around and smiled, and then Lola pushed us into the club. Didn't we go on at 9? Did that change, too?

I felt like a real rock star. Suddenly people were taking things from me - my phone and bag and… was I holding a bunny? Where'd that come from?

"Someone gave it to you, dear." James drawled, seeing my confusion, and I laughed. I hadn't even noticed. I was just smiling and signing things outside. Weird.

Someone who I suspected must be Kyle, the new tech, handed me my guitar, and I scowled. "Hurt her and you die, little one."

"Yes, Ms. Connor. I know. Lola told me that you like her tuned a certain way and I hope it's okay. I'm Kyle, the new tech, by the way. It's so cool to be working with you."

Okay, he looked about 18, this Kyle, the new tech. I looked over at Jeremy who was getting his guitar, and he smiled. Was this my beautiful life?

Suddenly the venue lights dimmed and the speakers began blaring "Tiger Tiger," our intro music. I felt my stomach drop. Was this okay? I looked over at James and caught his eye, seeing the same question there. We both smiled a little, trying to reassure one another. So much had changed in one week. And having Kyle, the new tech, was just the smallest bit.

Barely a week ago we'd lived in such a different world. We felt safe. Sure, it might have been an illusion, but I liked that illusion. It helped me sleep at night. As Nick had told me once, "sometimes it's a nice bubble."

Yeah. That was it.

But how do you go back to life as normal after the bubble bursts? Or Towers fall.

I didn't know, but as I heard all the fans cheering above our entrance music, I knew this must be part of it. You just have to push through and make life as normal as you can, right?

You just do it. Maybe Backstreet did have the right idea, not stopping and putting their lives on hold while the world blew up. What was it that Simon leBon once said? Duran wanted to be the band dancing while the bomb dropped?

I followed James and Jeremy onto the stage, and the noise from the crowd was truly overwhelming. Instead of launching into a song right away, though, Darien kept time for us - hitting his snare 21 times at an even pace while we stood there in silence - our version of a 21-gun salute. The 21st beat dissipated, and Jeremy moved toward the mic.

"Thanks for coming tonight. We-" But he couldn't go on, because the cheering was too loud.

This was for us?

Not really. It was for a lot of things, but not just because a rock band came onstage after taking a week off. Maybe it was more a cheer for a hope of normalcy. If we could make music and dance, the world couldn't be all bad, could it?

Jeremy stepped back from his mic and smiled at me. Yeah, that was better. Our lives had changed a lot in the last week, but I was still onstage with my boys, and it was going to be okay.

"Hey, quit it," I said into the mic, and the crowd quieted a bit. "Thanks. I'm not gonna make a big speech, because we've heard a lot of them this week. But I just wanted to let you know, we've got these groovy new shirts out there…"

Darien stood up from his drum kit to model his. It was black, with 'Sudden Silence' in red script on the front, and the Red Cross logo on back. Not terribly exciting, but we were all scared to go too over the top with patriotism and crap.

I went on once the Darien groupies stopped screaming. "Anyhow, all the proceeds from those shirts go to the Red Cross. They need the money more than we do."

"Dunno, Rache, we just got management," James had to argue. "I think we're broke."

I had to laugh, and Darien started the song. Amazingly, we managed to pull it together, and Jeremy leaned in for his first line.

As I walk through
This wicked world
Searchin' for light in the darkness of insanity

Yeah, that was apt. It'd taken us about 5 minutes to come up with the right song to start the set with. We all loved Elvis Costello and we'd considered "Oliver's Army" for about 2 seconds, until I remembered Blur's cover. Not going there. No… "Peace Love and Understanding," yeah, that fit how we were all feeling now.

I was lost in my own thoughts and I nearly missed my cue from James.

And as I walked on
Through troubled times
My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes
So where are the strong
And who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony?
Sweet harmony

Our lessons from Nick paid off, and we nailed it. Yeah, I loved my band.

In the middle of the next verse, I looked out and a cute boy in the front row caught my eye and smiled up at me, singing the words with me. I leaned down and took the boy's camera from him, turning it on the crowd and snapping a picture. Worth a thousand words, right?

The song ended, and we picked up like nothing had ever happened, launching into "Long Island" and before I knew it, James was smiling over at me, and we were saying goodnight. I stood next to Darien's kit during our encore and watched the crowd as Jeremy sang. I felt… alive. My hair was wet and sticking to my neck, and my arms hurt from playing. But it was a good hurt. I felt so alive on stage; it was like the rest of the world disappeared for 90 minutes and all that mattered was the music and reaction of the people standing in front of us.

Then Lola was leading us through the backstage area and James ran up next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders, "That was great, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "I missed it. Didn't realize it until we were up there."

"Good to get away, but better to be back?" he asked and all I could do was grin. Sort of.

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