chapter 19 - page 4

Oreos for Breakfast - Chapter 19

By
The Paperbag Princess & The Pumpkin Coach

I giggled and looked down at my phone as it vibrated on my lap. My boy had finally learned the art of text messaging. I was so proud of him! Man, he must really be bored.

<HIDDEN> TLK TO ME…

I stole a glance at Jeremy, who was going on about our influences, and then typed quickly.

<RC_ROCKSTAR> TLKNG TO RS NOW. 1 HR?

No one had noticed me typing under the table? I looked up and listened for half a second and the phone vibrated again in my lap.

<HIDDEN> OK… WHT R U WEARNG…

<RC_ROCKSTAR> STP IT! NT ALNE

<HIDDEN> DUH… WHT R U WRING???????

<RC_ROCKSTAR> R U SRE UR NC?

<HIDDEN> WHO ELSE BCUP?

Okay, proof that it was Nick. Just about the only people who knew that nickname were my boys and his group. And I doubt it even registered with the fellas. Well, maybe AJ… it would give him more ammunition to torture Nick with later.

<HIDDEN> I LUV U

<RC_ROCKSTAR> ME 2 BNY. 1 HR?

<HIDDEN> GVE UP SMTHNG

I thought for a moment. I'd actually overslept this morning and hadn't had time to put any thought into this particular outfit. It was just a print interview. They'd be doing pictures when we were in LA next week. I glanced down at my dirty trainers and faded jeans. Oh!

<RC_ROCKSTAR> VLVT BRA

I tried not to giggle as I imagined Nick's face. He hadn't seen this one yet. James and I had needed shopping therapy and Jeremy'd needed socks, so we'd stopped at the 24-hour Wal-Mart at 2 AM on our way back from the show. I knew anyone could be in there, but it felt very "rock star" to be nearly the only people in the store at 2 in the morning. We'd spent like $100 in 20 minutes, and I'd found some pretty underwear to add to my growing collection. Money that I didn't really have… oh, fuck, I'd worry about that later.

Jon was keeping track of my bills since we were on tour so long. It was really strange. Every week I'd get a Quicken file from him and list of things he'd paid for me. I think I was seriously overspending my credit, but he was being a good big brother and not hounding me about it. We'd get royalty checks at some point, right? Saffron had mentioned a car company wanting to use "Come On" in an ad at Christmas. That meant money, right?

My phone vibrated again. That was a long pause.

<HIDDEN> U KLLD ME… COLR?

<RC_ROCKSTAR> TAKNG MATRS INTO YR OWN HNDS, BNY?

<HIDDEN> CANT TLK, CMNG…

I did laugh out loud at that one and everyone turned to look at me. Shit! Need to pay attention now.

<RC_ROCKSTAR> U R SO BAD! GOTTA GO… LUV U!

I turned off my phone as Jeremy glared at me. I just smirked and turned my attention back to the guy from Rolling Stone. Not Todd. Todd was the last article… Gary maybe? Yeah, I think so. Started with a "G" at any rate. All the interviewers were running together now, and it'd only been 2 days since we'd been back.

"What are we most looking forward to?" I repeated the question, and he nodded, his pen poised as I considered him, "Royalty checks! I think I've maxed out my credit card this month."

Everyone laughed, and we launched into our favorite fantasy discussion… what would we do with a million dollars.

"I read an article with Duran Duran once where Nick Rhodes said he bought a Picasso with an AmEx card. Now that's rich!" Darien laughed.

"Or hiring a private jet to take your girl away for 24 hours," James teased, looking over at me as I felt myself blush.

"So Rachel," Gary looked back at me, that smile creeping across his lips. I so knew that look. It was the 'I'm about to get dirt to put in my article' look. I fucking hated that look. "How did you return that favor?"

I smirked back at him, "A lady never kisses and tells. But I will say that I make a fabulous breakfast. My brothers love the waffles."

And like a pinball game, the ball was suddenly deflected as Darien talked about food until Saffron appeared in the doorway.

"Gary, hate to interrupt, but we need the band back."

We all said goodbye, and James grabbed my hand as we walked down to our block of rooms, "Sorry, Rache…"

I shrugged him off, glancing down at the display on my phone. Two messages. How sad was it that seeing how desperate Nick was to talk to me turned me on? My pulse quickened as I listened to his voice on my phone.

"It's okay, James. We have to talk about something. I just fuckin' hate it when they think they're getting dirt, you know? It will be months before this article is out, and what if…"

I couldn't even finish my thought. The last couple of days had just been… weird. Unsettled? Nick and I never had more than 5 minutes to talk, or when we did, I wasn't alone or it was so late we were practically falling asleep. I'd thought we never had time before, but this was ridiculous.

"James! Rachel!" Jeremy shouted down the hall, and I realized that I'd fallen behind, lost in my own thoughts and listening to Nick's sweet messages.

"What if what, Rache?"

James' eyes were full of concern, but we didn't have time for a heart-to-heart. There were more interviewers to talk to and some meeting now with Saffron. I didn't even bother trying to follow everything anymore. I just let them lead me somewhere and then tell me what we were doing when I got there.

"Nothing. I'm just being silly and tired. I need about an hour to not talk about the band, you know?"

James nodded, throwing an arm around me and leading me into the suite where we found Saffron surrounded by her computer and files. I was definitely not getting that hour to myself anytime soon.

"Sudden Silence Central!" I laughed, finding an empty chair and plopping myself down. Damn, it felt good not to have to keep smiling for someone or wonder what they were going to think of me if I put my feet up on the table. Would that make it into their article? "Rachel Connor might look like a sex goddess in her videos, but in reality she's about as sexy as that weird girl in the back of English class. Cursing like a sailor and sitting like a boy, it's a wonder she ever gets laid."

We were all quiet, happy to just sit and not have to talk about ourselves for a moment, as Saffron finished her phone conversation and then looked back at us.

"Okay, we just got confirmation on the new video."

"Did we pick the single?" Darien asked.

"Do keep up! 'Pretend to be Nice' - remember last week when we were fighting over it?"

"Well, we fight over everything, don't we?" He laughed and I just smiled. We were such a dysfunctional family sometimes.

"No time now, though," Saffron pulled us back to order, and I caught Lola smirking in the corner. "We've agreed on Gregory Dark to direct, and he's even got a spot open in his schedule next week when you're in California."

"Who?" James looked up from his magazine with sudden interest as Saffron went on. Oh, how good of you to join into the conversation now, James. Damn, keep up!

"Gregory Dark. He's the hottest director right now. We were lucky to get him on such short notice. He's got really great ideas for the video. Lots of vivid color. Loves the beat of 'Pretend to be Nice,' is going to go with that choppy beat and make it like a cartoon."

"Sounds like fun," Jeremy offered as we all looked at Saffron. "Can I be a superhero?"

Yeah, right. If Jeremy had his way, he and his guitar would be saving us from the world, and then at the end he'd be cheered by a whole high school cheerleading squad or something. Hmm… but maybe I could be Rache, guitar girl, like Nick had envisioned once. That could be fun!

Wait, why was that name familiar? "What else has he done?"

"That new group's video… the one that knocked you out of the number one spot on TRL last week… The Calling…"

"Rachel's boyfriend's clone!" Darien laughed. "Oh, we love that video, don't we, Rache?"

I threw a pillow at him, and he caught it, putting it under his feet and propping them up on the chair across from him.

"He looks nothing like Nick. He's like 12!" I argued.

"And Nick's what? 15?" Jeremy teased, and I just pouted at him. Why were we always talking about Nick? Speaking of which… I glanced at the clock. Fuck! I'd told him I'd be free in an hour. That was so not going to happen, was it? I frowned at the clock and James caught my eye.

"Need to go, Rache? Are we keeping you from something?"

I glared at him, "No. I'm fine. So, what else has he done?" I moved over to Lola's computer on the table and brought up a search engine, typing in his name.

"Oh no… no fuckin' way!" The screen came up, and I read off the first few entries to them:

Gregory Dark's Sex Freaks DVD… xxxmoviestore.com buy porn now… Gregory Dark began his career shooting X-rated movies…

I turned back around, and nearly all of the boys were rolling their eyes at me.

"Saffron," Jeremy started and I could tell he was trying not to laugh, "You need to know something about the wanton sex goddess. She's not into the whole porn thing."

"We're not asking him to do porn, Jeremy! He's a video director now. Very hip, and he's going to do a great video for us. The buzz alone will get it play."

"Isn't that what we did with Em?" James asked, looking up again from his magazine. What was so fucking engrossing over there, James? An article about N*Sync, no doubt.

I clicked on a link, and Darien stood behind me, reading over my shoulder. Man, I hated it when he did that!

"He did 'Blue Monday' by Orgy; you like that song, Rache," he offered, trying to defuse the situation.

I just lifted an eyebrow, scrolling down to see more of his credits. Britney and Mandy Moore… he couldn't be all bad, could he? Maybe he just had this illicit porn past. That didn't make him a bad guy, right?

I hit another link and nearly screamed, "He directed Leslie's video!"

"Who's Leslie?" Darien asked, taking his seat across the room again.

"Nick's little sister."

"Damn, do they all sing? Is it something in the water down there?" James laughed.

But now Jeremy was really interested. "Really? That's great! Does she do porn?"

"Fuck off, J! She's like… 15 or something." Right? Aaron and Angel were the twins and they were 13, then there was Leslie and BJ. Leslie was the middle child. "See, Saffron, this is why we can't work with him. Do we really want to be associated with porn? I mean, not that it's inherently bad or anything…"

"Yeah, Rachel enjoys a good porn flick." Jeremy smirked.

"Allow me to repeat myself… fuck off, J!"

"No, she hates the fake boobs," Darien and James both said in unison. Okay, maybe they'd heard my anti-porn rant one too many times.

"Well, they're really fuckin' distracting, pardon the pun."

That made everyone laugh, and I turned back around to the article. Damn, it wasn't archived anymore. I wanted to see what they had to say about Leslie. You never heard much about Leslie, and I needed to do more research on the Carter clan. It was like the non-singing Carters didn't exist in Jane's books… well, the non-famous singing Carters, I guess. Hmm… was she working on a book on Leslie now? Did she have them in reserve just in case one of them started getting famous?

I giggled to myself, searching a few more sites. Fuck!

Darien moved me over and slid into the seat, typing on the keyboard.

"What're you doing, D?"

He didn't even look up. "Cyndi is working this semester in the library at school."

"How is your sister?" Jeremy asked, but Darien didn't look up from the computer.

"She is pretending she is no relation to me because our music does nothing for her Goth cred. But she gave me her log in. I can access the database from anywhere."

"Why would you need that?"

He shrugged, "Knowledge is power, Rache. You never know when you might need to have access to an outdated Esquire magazine article so that you can do research on whether or not your future video director is the devil or not… ta-dah!"

He moved aside, and I stared at the screen. Darien was truly a man of many talents. I read aloud to all of them.

He was a pornographer. Maybe the worst pornographer. Now, through Britney and Mandy, he's teaching our teenage daughters about budding desire.

"Oh, fab… just what we need, a pornographer teaching young girls about sex. Who thought that was a good idea?"

Even Saffron had to laugh at that. I sensed that she realized that she was not winning this argument. Amber would still have been fighting with us, no doubt. But Saffron was being pretty cool about it.

He was famous for it, sort of--famous for making the worst pornography, a pornography of transgression and violation, a pornography that seemed intended less to glorify sex than to advertise the death of the soul… He talked about surrealism and breaking down the wall between viewer and participant.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Jeremy laughed from his perch on the couch, "I want porn that breaks down the wall between viewer and participant! Interactive porn!"

They all laughed at him, and I rolled my eyes. They were such boys! Even James was egging me on. They could do that, though. It wasn't men who were shown tied up and beaten and raped. No, that stuff was reserved for the women. I started to say something but shut my mouth. They didn't want to hear my feminist outrage. Hell, I didn't want to hear my feminist outrage. This was a business decision, right? If this director was so hot… if he'd worked with Mandy and Britney, he couldn't be all that bad, could he?

And Leslie. Wonder if Nick knew him? I looked back up at the date of the article. February 2001. Where was Nick then? I think they were on tour. He probably didn't even know his sister filmed a video. He'd told me once that when he was on tour, he could go weeks without talking to his family or seeing them.

The boys were all still talking about this new, fascinating concept of "interactive porn," and I scanned the article for clues about Leslie.

Because she is one of the Orlando Carters, there was reason to believe that Leslie would show up for the shoot in a manner befitting the Orlando Carters, which is to say rigorously and even pitilessly prepared. Instead, she showed up with "issues," which is to say she showed up overweight. Leslie Carter is a big girl, and if there's anything little girls can't abide--if there's anything they fear as a rebuke to the possibilities of their own rapacity--it's the prospect of becoming a big girl.

What? Nick's sister is fat? No shit! I read on with interest. Who'd have thought that any of the Carters were not perfect blond gods? Not that it was bad… just… weird. The whole article was about how she didn't fit the pop princess mold and how difficult that was for everyone. How on the earth were they supposed to market a girl that didn't exude sex or at least the virginity that pre-dated sex and lead to crushes on boys.

I just stared at the screen. That's what he'd do to us? Is that what we were doing to us? I'd worn that stupid 'wanton sex goddess' shirt in the TRL video, and now girls all over the country were wearing them! Katie had been laughing with me on the phone the other day about how the girls in their school made them up when the store at the mall ran out of them. Was I doing this? Selling sex to little girls? Katie shouldn't be wearing a 'wanton sex goddess' T-shirt! She was only 11!

I turned around, and the boys stopped talking, "I can't do it!"

"What?" James asked, sensing that something big was up.

"This. I mean, I wore that stupid fuckin' T-shirt, and now 11-year-old girls are going around declaring that they're 'wanton sex goddesses'. That's not right! How could you let me do that? How could Em let me do that?"

The room was eerily quiet. The boys didn't know whether I was joking or not; I could tell. Of course not… they'd never been little girls. They'd never spent hours staring at themselves in front of the mirror, hating the girl that looked back at them because she was too short or too skinny or too flat-chested…

"I'm the fuckin' establishment," I whined.

"Rachel, if you don't want the band to be associated with Gregory Dark, that's okay. I understand that." Saffron finally spoke up and I looked over at her.

"I'm over-reacting, I know. I just… this whole article is about how Leslie is fat and how the record company can't market her and…"

"I know," she continued, "I've read it. But that's just part of the industry, right? When we met, I told you that I felt like I got you. That I got Sudden Silence and you have to trust me, okay? You haven't warped little girls with your T-shirt." I stared at her, and she smiled, "Really. You know how empowering it is for the girls to see you in front of all these boys, playing your guitar and singing like you could care less what the world thinks of you?"

I bit my lower lip, considering her. That was kinda cool, I guess.

"Rache, I think we all need to eat something and maybe take a break," Jeremy offered. "We've been going since 8 AM, and I think we're all a little wrecked."

"Is this your way of telling me I'm irrational, J?"

"Are you going to yell at me if I say yes?"

I had to smile at that. Okay, maybe I was being a little irrational. It was after 3 PM, and I hadn't eaten since 10. I needed a cigarette and a sandwich. Maybe a beer to mellow me out a bit… I'd had about 5 cups of coffee today. I took a deep breath and turned to the computer, sending myself the article. I'd finish it later when I could think straight.

Jeremy stood over me as the rest of them filed out of the room. "Wanna go to the restaurant on the corner?"

I looked up at him and smiled, "I'm being silly?"

"No. You have a point. But maybe we should actually let Saffron explain what he wants to do before we dismiss it out of hand?"

I smiled, letting him pull me up out of my chair. "Why the hell are you the rational one?"

"I don't have the feminist outrage gene, Rache."

I stuck out my tongue at him, and we headed to the elevator. "I need to change."

"Why?"

"Because I spilled coffee on this shirt two hours ago."

"We're going to the place on the corner, Rache. Fuck, you just did two interviews in that shirt!"

I stuck my tongue out at him again. "It smells like coffee. I'm changing."

I let us into my room and threw my bag and phone down on the couch. Jeremy yelled at me as I disappeared into the bathroom, "You said two seconds, and I'm holding you to that! No time for 'clothes fuck'."

I had to laugh at that. He knew me so well. All my boys did, really. James knew better than to try to joke with me in the morning before I had my coffee, and Darien… what weird quirk did Darien always remember? Oh! That I liked to have both pickles and orange juice in the bus at all times.

I washed my face quickly, and then emerged in my bra and jeans to grab a clean shirt from my suitcase as Jeremy hooted at me. A phone rang, and he yelled at me, "Change quicker, Diva Princess."

Her phone rang twice and I prepared to leave a message, but she picked it up! Thank god! I'd thought she was going to stand me up for our 'hour later' phone call. Okay, it was way more than an hour, now and I'd just got out of my interview… but still. She'd kept me going all day with the image of her in that new bra.

"What color is the bra, Rache?" I whined, knowing that would make her laugh. She thought it was cute when I started my phone conversations mid-thought.

But there was no laughing on the other end. Weird. "Rache?"

"Nope. Jeremy… I can check for you, though. She's nearly naked."

"Let go! I need to find a shirt; the others will start to worry where we are!" I heard her giggling in the background. What the fuck? Why was Jeremy answering her phone, and why the hell was she naked when he was right there? No wonder she hadn't called me like she promised. She was too busy getting in a quickie with Jeremy before the rest of the band missed them.

Is that why she'd been so hard to get a hold of the last couple of days? Because she was screwing around with Jeremy? Maybe he's the reason she had that toy last night. James wouldn't give her something like that… bet it was an early birthday present from Jeremy. He probably taught her how to use it, too.

Before I could hang up, I heard her voice again, "You fuck! That's my phone! Gimme! Hello?"

I stared at a spot on the wall, trying to count to 5 before I yelled, but it wasn't working. "What the fuck, Rachel! Why are you naked with Jeremy? No fuckin' buildings blew up that I'm aware of!"

What? Oh… shit. Jeremy answered my phone and… fuck. I scrambled off of Jeremy's lap and fell into a chair by the dresser.

"Oh, Nick! I thought Jeremy's phone rang. Didn't realize he was answering mine. Sorry."

"About what? Sorry that I caught you fuckin' cheating on me?"

Oh shit, he was pissed off. Okay… what the hell just happened? "I wasn't… oh, J's just here making sure I change quickly because we have to grab lunch. It's after 3 o'clock, and I haven't even had lunch. This schedule so sucks!"

"Whatever," he grumbled and I took a deep breath. Okay, if he were half naked in his room with Willa, I'd be furious. I'd give him this one.

"It's not what it sounds like, baby. Here. Wait a sec, okay?"

He grumbled something that I took as 'okay,' and I looked over at Jeremy. "J, I'll order up room service or something, okay?"

"No." I just blinked, and Jeremy stood up, towering over me as I sat in the chair. "Give me the phone."

"Fuck you, J!"

"No, Rache, do. Maybe he'll tell me what's going on since you're obviously so good at lying." Nick's angry voice in my ear again. Fuckin' great.

"No! Fuck both of you, okay? There's nothing going on here. J is just trying to piss you off, Nick." I glared at Jeremy, and he just rolled his eyes, handing me a shirt.

"Here, you look good in pink, Rache. You should maybe put something on, since I obviously can't be trusted to be alone with you."

"Alone with you NAKED!" Nick screamed, and I held the phone away from my ear as I pulled on the T-shirt.

"I'm not fuckin' NAKED!" I screamed to both of them, and then it was quiet. "J, please leave. I'll talk to you in a bit. Nick, don't you dare hang up this phone angry."

"Yeah, that really pisses her off, Nick. Know what else pisses her off?" I stopped Jeremy before he could make this situation any worse and pushed him out of the door, locking it behind him.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Nick was already newly weird about Jeremy after the whole kissing incident last week, and now he was just going to be worse. I didn't want to have this fight again. There was no way I could assuage his fears about me and Jeremy now, not when I didn't have him right in front of me.

"So what's going on, Rache?"

Nick's voice was low, and I could tell that he really wanted to yell at me, but he was trying to be good.

"Nothing, bunny. Absolutely nothing. It was just like I said. We were running late from our interview, and then Saffron sprung this fuckin' disaster on us about the video and Jeremy was just trying to make sure I ate something before our next interview. That's all. I was hungry and being irrational…"

"Obviously, if you invited him back to your room and then stripped for him."

"It wasn't like that." Okay, I was moving into pissed-off territory here. He had a way of making every interaction between Jeremy and me into a worst-case scenario. Like when I'd told him I'd kissed Jeremy and suddenly he was going off on how I'd fucked him. I hadn't!

"Well, what was it like, then? What? Did your clothes magically fall off so he can inspect the color of your bra for me?"

That's right… that damned text message from this morning…

"No. Don't be silly."

"Don't call me silly! He answered your phone. You admitted you were there naked."

"Half."

"Half… whatever!" He growled, and I took a deep breath, trying to count to 10. I only made it to three before he started yelling at me again.

"STOP IT!" Finally, I'd had it, and I yelled as loud as I could. "Stop fuckin' turning this into something it's not! Don't pick this fight with me, little man! I've had a long-ass day, and I'm starving and irrational. We can talk about this later when I'm more rational and you have calmed down, okay?"

Silence on the other end. I fucking hated silence on the phone. I could hear him breathing, and then something slammed into a wall.

"Nick. Don't trash your room, okay? I love you, bunny. It's not what you think. Jeremy was here when I was trying to change. That's all. I came out of the bathroom and he was here. No big deal. He's seen me naked a million times…"

"I know! That's what bothers me! He doesn't get to do that anymore, Rache!"

Her turn to be quiet. I had a point, didn't I? I know he could see her naked and he'd done it a million times before, but she wasn't his now. She was mine. Right?

"You're right, bunny."

Her voice was soft, and I thought I could hear tears there, but I was still pissed off. I would feel bad if she started to cry and I didn't want to feel sympathy for her. I just wanted to be pissed off. I'd been feeling that way a lot lately. Like I was just mad at everything and everyone around me. I didn't want to understand anything. I just wanted to yell and be pissed off.

"I know I am. Sorry if I jumped to conclusions but… he was fuckin' in your room and you were getting dressed. Are you trying to piss me off?"

"No. Nick, I'm sorry. It was nothing, and you just have to believe that okay? I need to go. Really. I have like 15 minutes to get something to eat, and I'm already shaky. Can we talk tonight?"

"Whatever." I grumbled. I could hear the shakiness in her voice. I knew she needed to eat something, but I didn't want her to go. She'd run right to Jeremy, probably. He'd tell her how wrong I was, and by the time we talked again, I'd never hear what really happened.

"Nick, I love you. Believe me. There's nothing up with Jeremy, okay?"

"If you say so."

"I do. Talk to you later, okay?"

"Sure." I clicked off my phone and threw it onto the floor. I didn't want to talk to her later. I wanted to talk to her now!

Jeremy was right. I'd just needed some food; suddenly, I'd felt myself thinking more clearly. I'd managed to not scream at anyone for a whole two hours. That had to be a record, even.

"So, his assistant said he'd be available to talk to you." Saffron explained as Lola was dialing the phone. "Believe me, this can't be new for him. His background has to be a liability."

She went on, but I only half-listened to her, looking through the color copies of the storyboards that she'd given us earlier. Okay, this was kind of cool. The last video had been all low-tech, which I loved… but this looked like it'd be fun to watch, too. He was right, "Pretend to be Nice" had this great poppy hook, and I could just see all the bright colors he wanted to use as I heard the song in my head.

The treatment sort of reminded me of that video Backstreet did… where Nick had the crazy hair and was in that horrible lime green suit. At one point, Darien would get to dress up like a slacker guy - okay not much of a stretch - and I'd get to push him off the couch as I sang about how he was falling asleep on the living room couch with his sunglasses on and tongue hanging out.

At least this treatment didn't make me think of Damon. And we all knew that's who the song was about. For me, it had such a darker meaning, but Jeremy and James had given it this upbeat, rocking soundtrack.

Why do you do what you do to me, baby
Shaking my confidence, driving me crazy

I shuddered a little, remembering the first version of that song. There was nothing upbeat about that.

As if he read my mind, James leaned over and put an arm around my shoulders. He didn't even have to say anything. He knew what was going on in my mind.

"You get to kick our asses, Rache. That's cool."

I smiled up at him, "And that's different than your lives on any other given day how?"

He recoiled in mock horror, "Oh! I'm shocked! Wounded!"

He went on camping it up until Saffron hushed us and punched buttons on the speaker phone. Hey, she was starting to treat us like Lola had, like we were a bunch of 2nd graders… okay, maybe James and I were acting like it at this particular moment…

"Mr. Dark… how great to meet you. Thank you for taking time out of your schedule to talk to the band and tell us more about your treatment. As I told your assistant earlier…"

A gravelly male voice interrupted her, "Yes, Ms. Smith. My assistant briefed me. Shall we get on with it?"

"Um… sure…" Saffron looked at us, and Jeremy, ever the leader, leaned forward.

"Mr. Dark…"

"Greg is fine. It's Jeremy, right? You're the leader."

Jeremy smirked at me, and I stuck out my tongue, still not relinquishing the 2nd grader attitude. "Don't tell the rest of the band that, dude. Sudden Silence is a democracy."

"At least on paper. Yes. I've read up on you. Very interesting. There's you and Rachel, obviously never quite got over that past, have you? Tell me, is it hard knowing that she's always so close, but not yours anymore?"

Even Jeremy looked startled at that. What the fuck? Everything in that article I'd read came back to me. How he could manipulate people. How creepy his porn videos were… asking the actresses to look into the camera and admit they they'd been sexually abused after he'd just filmed them in all sorts of compromising positions. A shiver ran down my spine, and I pulled away from James.

"That's immaterial to our video, Mr. Dark."

"Ah… it's the wanton sex goddess herself!" Even though he wasn't in front of me, I looked away from the sound of his voice. "You like control, don't you Rachel? Tell me, what's your favorite shot in the treatment? I bet it's tying the boys down and towering over them. Yeah, I think we'll change your costume. I can see you in a sleek black cat suit. Or if we keep with the colors of the video, we can make it hot pink. Hot…" he held out the word, his gravelly voice growing quieter, "pink."

I didn't even have to respond. Before I could look up, all three of the boys were starting to talk, but Jeremy's voice was the loudest.

"Thank you, Mr. Dark. You have interesting ideas, and The Firm will be in touch."

I fell back on the couch and just stared at the phone as Saffron disconnected us. What the fuck just happened? That couldn't have been for real, could it? No one was that creepy and inappropriate in real life, were they?

"No," Jeremy stated simply, looking over at me. "Right?"

"No way in hell do I ever want to be in a room with that man," I responded flatly. "I think I might need a shower now. Ew!"

Everyone laughed at that, and I caught Saffron's eye, "Sorry, Rache. Really… we have clients who have worked with him, and I've never heard of him being this… this…"

"Inappropriate?" James offered, touching my arm lightly, as if to check and make sure I was still next to him.

Darien snorted. "Un-fuckin'-professional? What the hell? I'm not a girl, and that creeped me out."

James leaned over, whispering loudly, "And cat suits are so last year!" That made everyone laugh, lifting the tension in the room a bit. "Now if he'd wanted my fine ass in one… well, that'd be different!"

Again we laughed, and I looked around at my boys, wanting to hug each one of them. Who needed security guards when I had my boys closing ranks around me. Sometimes it was okay when I got to be the one who was being protected.

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