Chapter 19 - page 6

Oreos for Breakfast - Chapter 19

By
The Paperbag Princess & The Pumpkin Coach

Deodorant, aspirin, shampoo… what else did I need? I probably should have asked the guys if they needed anything before I ran to the drugstore around the corner, but screw them. I needed stuff, and I only had about an hour free before we were doing… something. I'd lost the fucking plot. I just knew it was too damned early to be this awake. Doing an entire week of morning radio will do that to you. I fucking hated this new tour time that meant we had to be awake and functioning before noon. No rock star lived like that, did they? How did they expect us to function without sleep? I heard James in the back of my mind - we could sleep when we weren't famous anymore.

I really wanted to stay in my room and talk to Nick, but I'd just gotten his voicemail. I probably deserved that, too. I'd been disappointing him all week, and he'd been just getting my voicemail. Rather than brooding about what sort of hangover he was sleeping off, I decided it was better to get some more shampoo before I ran out in three days when I wouldn't get a chance to buy more and then I'd be stuck using the hotel crap.

Of course, I always stole the hotel shampoo. I had a collection from all over the country now. But actually use it on my hair? Never.

I was so caught up in my musings that I almost missed the desk clerk giving me a panicked look as I breezed by. "I'm sorry, sir, Mr. Nolan isn't answering."

Mr. Nolan? She was actually giving up Jeremy's real name? We hadn't checked in under our real names in weeks now.

Shit… I knew that voice. "Then try one of the others. I bet he's in Rachel's room; my son knows how to pick 'em."

What a fucking charmer. How the hell did he find us? "Sorry, Bill, I think Jeremy's been sleeping alone."

"Rachel!" he cried, turning to me with a smile and open arms, after shooting the clerk a smug look. He pulled me into a hug, and I looked over his shoulder to see her mouth an apology to me.

Oh, sweetie, you had no choice. William Michael Nolan was a force of nature. Failed, aging rock stars had to do something with their lives, and this one had picked groupies. No wonder J's mom had left him after about two years of marriage. Just enough time to have Jeremy and then they both totally fucked him up for the next 25 years.

"Bill, nice to see you. How did you find us?"

"What do you mean, baby? It's easy to find the biggest rock band on the planet. But Jeremy changed his cell number-"

I just let his words wash over me. Jeremy had last changed his cell number more than a year ago, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if his father hadn't called him since then. Postcards, maybe. Possibly emails. I bet J called him on holidays and breathed a sigh of relief when he got the answering machine.

Why the hell was he here now?

"Events of the last few weeks make you really appreciate family, don't they? Oh, sorry, sweetie, I know that's a tough subject for you. I kept meaning to call you after your Daddy died, but-"

I cut him off. This man was not a father. He didn't deserve to talk about mine. No, Bill Nolan was a 50-year-old child in a battered leather jacket that not even Joey Ramone would be caught dead in. "Bill, let me run upstairs and see if I can find Jeremy, okay? He might have run out for breakfast or something. Why don't you have a seat in the restaurant? Charge it to room 2810, and I'll be back in a bit."

I gave him my best daughter-in-law smile and ran for the elevator. I'd dealt with him for long enough to know that you had to kill him with kindness and let him ask for whatever he was asking for, then send him on his way. Rudeness only made him horrible. Funny, Jeremy had never learned that. I'd always run ran interference for them.

My phone rang and I answered it quickly, not even checking the display. "J?"

It had to be, right? I was thinking about him.

"Uh, no… N. That's not as cool, is it? How about NC? Or does that just make you think of South Carolina?"

Nick. Still drunk, even. Not what I needed right now. "I think you mean North Carolina, Nicky." Okay, this was better than sullen Nick last night, but I didn't have time to deal with him at the moment.

"Right! I sorta like NC. It's like MC, I can be a rapper!"

He was definitely still drunk. What time was it? Where the hell was he today?

"Where are you today, bunny?"

"Um…" I could hear him rustling papers around. "Fucking USA Today, that's no help. I think I'm in Ohio somewhere."

"No, that was yesterday. And me today." Missed each other in Cleveland by a day. That so sucked. But I didn't have time to brood about that.

"Buffalo? No, that was some other night… Detroit! I'm in Detroit!" He sounded so proud of himself for figuring that out. Man, what time was it? Would he be sober by soundcheck? I could just see the fellas giving him disapproving looks. Like J, they never learned. Those looks just urged Nick on. He was such a boy.

"They have good bars in Detroit, baby?" I knocked on Jeremy's door, praying he'd answer it. If I didn't find Jeremy, Bill was going to attach himself to me, and that would suck. Maybe I could foist him on Lola?

"Sorta… the hotel's is nice."

"Sounds like it. You might need to cut down on the drinking, dude. Jeremy!"

Jeremy appeared from around the corner, dressed in his pajamas, juggling a Coke and two bags of Cheetos. Breakfast of fucking champions. I didn't even pay attention to Nick whining at me in the phone.

"Sorry, bun, I gotta talk to J. I'll call you later."

No she wouldn't. Fuck, she didn't want to talk to me at all; she'd thought I was Jeremy when she picked up the phone. Then she found him, and I was obviously not important. So much for there not being anything going on between them, huh?

And I'd been in a good mood when I'd called her a minute ago. Maybe I was still a little drunk. What time was it? What time did I go to bed? It was late… definitely long after the bar had closed, but they'd kept it open for me and my new friends. We'd just hung out and talked and drank and maybe they were fans… I didn't know. But they were nice. They gave a shit about what was going on with me. We talked about all sorts of stupid things, the first time we'd ever gotten drunk, and movies and video games and shit like that.

I couldn't even get my fucking girlfriend on the phone. I wasn't even sure if she knew that we'd cancelled Europe, or that Jana had to leave the tour. We never got to talk about anything before she was getting pulled away to flirt with some other interviewer.

Fuck, even if I did get her on the phone, she didn't like the same movies and TV that I did. She hated video games. At least the girls last night, we'd had something in common. I bet none of them would have stood me up for a phone date. I bet none of them were in bands with their ex-boyfriends.

My stomach sank, but it wasn't from the hangover that was threatening to strike any second. Fucking Jeremy. First she was kissing him, then she was half-naked alone with him… what the hell was going on now? Obviously my aloof plan that Vinnie had talked me into was backfiring in a big way. Maybe last night after I was mean to her, she went to Jeremy and he comforted her and…

I couldn't think about it. No, Rachel wouldn't do that. She'd call me back in a minute, and everything would be fine.

My phone rang and I looked at the display. What, Jeremy had something else to do so she decided to call me back? How big of her!

No. Mandy.

Two can play this fucking game.

"Hey, baby," I answered, leaning back on the bed. Mandy and I had never really done the phone sex thing, but Rachel always said she was a 'ho, so I bet she'd be pretty good at it.

"Nicky! Finally… you didn't call me back the other day."

"Yeah, sorry. Been busy, you know how it is."

She giggled, and I stopped myself from groaning out loud. It wasn't Rachel's sexy giggle. Stop it, Nick. Rachel's busy talking to Jeremy; think she's mooning over you? Just like Vin had said the other day, I couldn't spend all my time pining for her. She'd just think I was a wimp.

"Yeah, baby. I remember. I've been busy writing, and MTV wants me to host this new show they're doing in the fall. Celebrity Style or something like that."

"Oh, you'd be good at that, Mandy. You were always so interested in fashion."

She laughed again, "Well, it's such a part of what we do… but I didn't call to talk about me, baby. I heard about Danny."

I closed my eyes tightly. I didn't want to think about Danny. Mandy didn't even fucking know him! She had no right to act all concerned. "Yeah, it's pretty tragic. We started a fund for his wife and kids and all. I heard N*Sync's doing something, too. They worked with him, too."

"Oh? Josh didn't mention anything to me about it."

Josh? Who the hell… oh… was she still trying to get into JC's pants? I laughed out loud at that one, and she pouted at me. "Sorry, baby. It's just… you know about him, right?"

"What?" she asked, and I could just see that look in her eyes. She'd be leaning into me, twirling her hair around her finger, just hoping she'd get some good bit of gossip she could file away. Save for later to blackmail me with. Wouldn't that be funny… if she knew about JC and James? I laughed again, reaching into my mini-bar for the vodka. The hangover was starting, so I might as well keep drinking.

"Oh, you know what they say. That he swings both ways."

"Nicky!" she mock-admonished, giggling the whole time. "That's not nice!"

"What baby? Might make the sex more interesting, you know…" I let my voice trail off, and she was quiet for a second. I downed a quick shot and glanced at the clock. I didn't have to be anywhere for a while.

"Would it?" Her voice was deeper, and I shut my eyes as she spoke, remembering how her hair had felt trailing over my cock. She had long, straight hair, and it was always so soft. Like feathers trailing all over my body.

"You never know. Two hot guys and you. Hey, Mandy, you still have your hair long, right?"

"Bastard," Jeremy finally muttered after I told him that his father was here. "I bet you Mom told him what hotel it was."

I just shrugged, picking through his suitcase to find him a clean shirt. His parents hadn't been married for years, but they still had a deeply dysfunctional relationship. I hadn't met Nick's family yet, but they could not be as fucked up as Jeremy's. "Here," I told him, thrusting a T-shirt at him. "At least be presentable when you see him."

"I'm not seeing him!" he whined, stepping away from the offered shirt. "Fuck him. He hasn't called me in a goddamn year, and now he shows up when we're finally successful? He wants money, I bet."

"J…" I threatened, taking another step towards him, and making him back up again. "You know how he is."

"We have security now. I can get him removed from the hotel." Security? Oh, right, Steven. As if.

Or did we get security when I wasn't looking?

"Oh, please, and give him something to run to the tabloids about?"

"Hey, it might overshadow you and the pop star!" He tried to get me to join in the joke, but I was having none of it. He couldn't just ignore his dad. Tempting, but that was only going to lead to more problems later.

"Get dressed, and go down there and talk to him. We have to leave in less than an hour; I'll make sure that Lola saves you."

He considered me for a long moment, and then sighed, resigned. "Come with me? Please? He always liked you. You're good at making sure we don't scream at each other."

I hesitated for a second. That wasn't my job any longer, was it? But his eyes were so sad, I couldn't say no. "Of course, J. I'll go with you."

"What?" I yelled at the pounding on my door.

"Nick, band meeting!"

I sighed at the phone, zipping up my pants before rolling off the bed. "Hold on, baby."

"Didn't you say you just had a band meeting?" Mandy asked, and I rolled my eyes, even though she couldn't see me.

Pulling open the door, I glared at Brian standing there. "We've been having a fucking lot of band meetings. What is it now, Bri? Don't tell me you're having an affair with one of the dancers."

"One of the boy dancers," Mandy offered, and I had to laugh. As if. Man, she loved the JC gossip. I just hope it didn't mean she'd stop pursing him… because I fucking loved that. Better to torture him.

"Never happen, babe."

Brian gave me a long-suffering sigh. "Get off the phone with your girlfriend, and come on."

I glared at him, but I couldn't win. Whatever. "Fine. Talk to you later, hon."

"You know where I am, Nicky," Mandy purred, before hanging up. I clicked off my phone and tossed it on the couch.

"Let me clean up," I informed Brian, and I started looking around the room. I should probably at least put on a clean shirt. Had I worn this last night? I leaned down and sniffed. Yep. I pulled it off and turned to him. "Are we here again tonight?"

"Could be. That's part of the meeting. Who wants to stay here and who wants to go on to Chicago."

"I'll stay here. Can I go back to bed now?" I didn't want to go to Chicago. I'd had plans with Rachel for Chicago, but now she wasn't coming and I didn't want to think about it. Detroit was fine.

"We have other stuff, too. Late night?"

I shrugged, and then pulled on a somewhat clean shirt I found in my suitcase. Another advantage of staying here. I didn't need to worry about packing yet. I stepped into shoes, and then found my wallet and phone. "Ready."

"Why exactly are those clothes presentable and the other ones weren't?"

I scowled at him as my door shut behind us, settling the ball cap I'd grabbed more firmly on my head. "Shut up. Just because you dress like an old man, doesn't mean we all have to."

He wrinkled his nose at me. "At least I don't smell."

I was about to inform him that he did when my phone rang. Aaron. Whatever.

"Didn't you just get off the phone with Rachel?" Brian teased, and I shook my head, punching the button for the elevator.

"No."

He arched an eyebrow at me. "Who were you calling 'baby,' then?"

Did I? "Mandy."

The elevator doors opened and I stepped on, but Brian didn't follow me. "What?" I snarled, but I knew what was coming from the look of disbelief on his face.

"Mandy?" he repeated, and I got off the elevator. No need to have this discussion in a moving vehicle.

"Yeah. Whatever. She was worried about me after 9/11, and she got my number from BJ."

"You should kill your sister."

"She's not that bad, Bri. It was nice of her to call."

"It was fucking manipulative. Christ, Nick, you are so stupid about that girl. No matter what she does… after the shit she pulled with Rachel, on national TV, no less…"

I cut him off. "Maybe I'm not stupid, Brian. I know that's fucking impossible for any of you to believe, but maybe I'm the only one that knows Mandy. She's not fucking evil. She was worried about me, she wanted to talk, so we did."

"So she waited more than a week to call and check in? Yeah, that's fucking worried."

"She called a couple of days ago."

"A couple of DAYS ago?" he nearly yelled, his face turning red from his annoyance. Brian angry was a sight to behold. He became all nostrils. "How many times have you spoken to her since then?"

"Just now. And why do I have to tell you? You're not my fucking dad!"

"Have you mentioned this to Rachel? Because I'm sure she wouldn't be happy about this."

I glared at him. He didn't know anything. So what if I talked to Mandy? I couldn't even get Rachel on the phone. Maybe I should tell her, she might get jealous enough to actually give a damn about me. If I could get her away from Jeremy

"Fuck you, Brian. Fuck Rachel and fuck Mandy and fuck the goddamn band meeting."

The elevator doors opened again, and I stepped on, blocking Brian from getting on with me. "Don't be a baby, Nick. We have band stuff to discuss."

"None of you give a shit what I think, so why bother?" The doors slid shut, and I screamed, slamming my body into the wall with frustration. No wonder I'd rather talk to Mandy. She might be the only person in the world right now who didn't treat me like a stupid kid.

"Billster!" Darien cried, spotting me with the Nolan men in the restaurant. Thank god. I'd sent James a cryptic text message about ten minutes ago; what took them so long? James fell into the chair next to me as Darien greeted Bill with one of those weird manly handshakes.

"I could not imagine what the SOS was," he whispered, and I nodded slightly. There would be time later to fill James in on the details.

"So, Bill, what's the band du jour?" Darien asked, taking a chair. Aw, fuck, D, don't ask him about the band… "You should open for us! Family affair!"

Bastard. I loved Darien, but he so said that to get under Jeremy's skin. Little did he know that's exactly what Bill was proposing. Like it would happen over any of our dead bodies. Bill was really charming on the surface, but we all knew it was mostly his fault that Jeremy was the controlling freak he was.

Good god, on the road with two generations of Nolans. Just kill me now.

"Joey's dad opened for them," James offered, before Bill could launch into his sales pitch. Joey who? James rolled his eyes at our collective blank looks. "Joey Fatone. For N*Sync. He's got some oldies group…" he trailed off, realizing he was getting nowhere. "Okay, it's official. I know too much about N*Sync. Quick, Rachel, give me a meaningless Backstreet fact!"

Even Jeremy had to laugh at James' distress. James was often good at defusing a tense situation. "Um… Kevin and Brian are cousins," I offered, and James sighed.

"Amateur! Everyone knows that!"

"Everyone knows that our bus is ready, kiddies," Lola informed us, joining our group. "Say goodbye to your friend, and…" She looked at Bill and smiled. "You must be Jeremy's brother. You look exactly alike."

Bill glowed at the compliment, but Jeremy glowered. While Bill flirted with Lola, I grabbed Jeremy's hand, giving him a smile to calm him down a little. He really did look like his father, like it or not.

Jeremy met my eyes and took a deep breath, calming himself. "Thank you," he mouthed, before standing up to say goodbye. He could not get out of there fast enough.

Finally we were on the bus, just us and Lola, and Jeremy snapped, turning on Darien. "You bastard. Why did you suggest he open for us? Now he's going to think it's a great idea and I'm going to have to put up with his phone calls for the next six fucking weeks!"

"Fuck, man, lay off," Darien snarled, ducking as Jeremy took a swing at him, and James pulled him back.

"J, you never gave him your number," I offered, and he turned his glare to me. Before he could say a word, I went on. "Don't even start. I sat there with you for almost an hour and listened to him go on about family ties and touring with us. I changed the subject every time it got near how poor he was or what your new number is. I saved your ass, and don't you fucking forget it."

He pulled himself away from James, stalking into the back of the bus, where we could hear things being slammed around. Fine. At least he wasn't injuring band members.

"Touring with us?" James asked, once we felt safe enough to breathe.

Sighing, I fell into a seat. "No joke. He wants to open."

Darien let out a low whistle. "Shit. I was just trying to get Jeremy's goat. I didn't know…"

"It's alright, D. J's just a little bit… you know how he gets around his dad. And he just showed up, completely unexpected."

"That's the first sign," Lola mumbled, not looking up from her clipboard.

"What?"

"That you're famous - when long-lost relatives start showing up unannounced. Welcome to the big time, kiddies!"

Oh, fuck. What other skeletons were hiding in our collective closets that we needed to be wary of? I looked over at Darien. "Do you have some half brother with no left foot that we should be concerned about?"

"No. Peg leg, real foot, thank you very much!"

We all fell out laughing, and I could hear Jeremy still slamming things around in the back of the bus. Shit. I sighed, and James reached over, pushing on my back. "Go. You know he won't calm down until you do."

I scowled at him, "Not my job anymore, James."

"Yeah, but you'll make our lives much easier. We'll love you forever and ever."

"You'll do that anyway, you freak! Either that or I'll tell JC that you've been boning up on your N*Sync trivia."

But I went back anyway. I was such a sucker for brooding, angry Jeremy… truly my downfall. Well, that and his eyes. He had his father's eyes, sad and hopeful all at the same time. When he fixed you with his stare, you were really powerless to do anything about it. They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul and… fuck. He looked up as I came into the room, and my breath caught in my chest.

Worse than an angry, brooding Jeremy was a crying one. Shit.

"Go'way," he mumbled, turning back to the window. "I don't want to hear it. I'm grateful, okay? I know you didn't fucking have to do that, and I'm sorry. I'm always fuckin' fucking things up!"

I had to smile at his masterful use of the word 'fuck'. I sat down next to him and touched his arm lightly, "I didn't come in to yell at you, J."

"I know. It's just… I fucking hate him, Rache."

I felt the hair stand up on the back of my neck. "Don't say that, J." He might have every reason to be angry with his father, but I couldn't stand it when he said he hated him. He had no idea. Sure, Bill was a fuck up. He was an awful father… but…

"I know it pisses you off, Rache, but you don't know…"

"I don't know? I don't know! Who the hell was there all those times? For four fucking years I was there standing between you and Bill. Don't tell me I don't know! Sometimes I feel like half our relationship was spent trying to undo the ways that he fucked you up, J!"

He stared out the window again, unable to meet my eyes. Yeah, he knew. Without me he'd have no relationship with his father. Maybe that'd be better, but I just couldn't believe that any child could hate their parent, or vice versa. It was just inconceivable to me.

My phone rang, and I ignored it. It was Nick, I knew it was. I was supposed to call him back but hadn't had time. In the middle of another crisis here, Nick. Give me five fucking minutes to deal with it.

The phone stopped ringing, and Jeremy turned back to me. "The blond god needs you, Rache."

I shrugged, "He'll live. We'll be at the radio station soon. Listen J, I know you're angry, but Bill doesn't have your number, and Darien… he was just being Darien. Don't be angry with him, okay? Call your mom tonight, and tell her that if she gives your number out to him, you'll just change it, okay? It will be alright."

"He's going to fuckin' go to the tabloids, you know that, right?"

"And…? What the hell is he going to tell them? That he was a fuck up of a father, an aging rock star who was trying to live out his teenage fantasies through the son that he'd never helped support?" I stopped myself from adding the fact that he'd used his son over and over again, playing on his love for a father that he'd never have.

Jeremy smiled slightly, "Okay… he doesn't really have a sob story now, does he?"

I shared his smile, "No. I doubt he even has any embarrassing baby pictures." He started to laugh, and then his eyes got sad again, and I reached out for his hand, ""That's kinda sad for him isn't it? You were a really pretty baby, J."

At that he grabbed me, pulling me into a quick hug whispering, "Thanks, Rache. Really."

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