Oreos for Breakfast: Nick BSB Fiction

Oreos for Breakfast - Chapter 20

By
The Paperbag Princess & The Pumpkin Coach

"You haven't talked to her at all?" Brian didn't even look at me, just continued to maneuver his guy on the screen. Damn, he was a sneaky fuck! I made my guy run away, but not before picking up a few thousand extra points.

"Nope. AJ said to give her a few days."

"And you've been busy with all the girls, right?"

This time I looked up and Brian's guy clobbered me. Man! I was sucking today. Couldn't keep a thought in my head.

"Maybe… I'm allowed, you know."

"Not that it stopped you before."

I threw down my controller as my character died and Brian got up to reset the game.

"I told you all, that was a mistake. It was just once! And she wouldn't have fucking figured it out if Frank hadn't told."

Brian turned and frowned at me, "Told? You're crazy, right? You can't keep that shit from girls, Nick. Did you learn nothing from my cousin?"

"That's Kevin, right? Your cuz…" I teased, and Brian threw a soda at my head. I caught it, though, and popped it open. "Hey! You could have injured me. I'm the cute one, remember?"

"Believing your own press there, Nicky?"

"You sound like Rachel." Fuck. Why was he making me think about her? I didn't want to think about her. When I'd been on my bus, I'd been trying to stop, but it hadn't worked. Every CD I played reminded me of her. Rachel liked that CD, or she didn't, or… and this was the worst… we'd made love to that CD. So I watched movies, but again they all reminded me of her. What she liked and what she didn't.

"Well, she was smart not to believe your press, wasn't she?"

"Fuck off, Brian! I came on here for the distraction."

"Sorry… I just thought maybe I could help."

"Yeah, a lot of help your last heart-to-heart did me!" I countered, getting up to see where Leighanne had hid his snacks. I looked in the fridge but there wasn't anything there but soda, water and fruit. Ick. Looked like Darien had stocked it.

"What do you mean?"

"Your silly date idea. That's what did it, man." Brian still looked at me, perplexed. I had to laugh. Had I not told him? I guess not. "You gave me that idea… that we do a phone date. Just like a regular date. We set a time and all. I sent her dinner and flowers, even. Damn, how stupid am I?"

"That sounds sweet, Nick. Didn't know you had it in you."

"Have you not been paying attention, Bri? Rachel isn't Mandy. She's not Tiffany or any of the other girls… she's… I don't know… different."

"Obviously. So she didn't like the flowers?"

"Never got them." Oh! Success! Brian had Doritos hidden away in one of the cupboards. I sat back down on the couch and broke into them. Mmmmm… nothing like Doritos when you're slightly hung over. Suddenly I had an image of me and Rachel lying naked on my hotel room bed, giggling and licking Dorito dust off each other's fingers. I thrust the bag at Brian. "We need to stop for better food!"

"No stopping, Nick. Unless you want back on your bus. You know the rules."

I scowled at him. Yeah, if we stopped, then the 32-hour ride would suddenly be 40. It was Murphy's Law of long bus rides. And in Europe you had to double that. One stop to get snacks would turn into an impromptu autograph signing and then some pictures… just one more, Nick. Please? For my ailing daughter or son who just loves you and your brother.

Right. No stopping.

"So, why didn't she get the flowers?"

"'Cause obviously I'm not a priority. Which is fine, I guess. But I thought I was, you know. But I'm not. Okay, I get that now."

"Wait! Hold up. You lost me."

"All last week… it was weird. I just never got to talk to her. They signed with The Firm, and suddenly Saffron had them doing all sorts of shit they hadn't been doing before. A lot more press. Photo shoots. Video shoots - Rachel hated the director they'd picked, and so they had all these conference calls and meetings…"

"So she had a life and wasn't around?"

"It was more than that. Damn, you sound like AJ. It was like she didn't care. I can't explain it. I called her all the time. Just talked into her voicemail and told her I loved her. You know, shit girls are supposed to like!"

"And she didn't?"

"Half the time she didn't even respond. When we did talk, she was crashing from working all day, and then I'd be grumpy and we'd fight. So I'd go out to try to forget about it, you know. But then I'd all start over again… I don't know, Bri. I thought when you loved someone that they were supposed to be a priority? I made her a priority, man. I did. I tried."

"So you tried and that's that? It's over? You tried. She wasn't at your beck and call, so you fucked a groupie and that's it? Guess love isn't for Nicky? You'll die alone with your Twinkies?"

Mmmmm… Twinkies… no, focus here! "It's not that easy, Brian."

I got up again and found a bunch of grapes in the fridge. I'd never had grapes with Rachel, had I? Fuck! That night we met. I'd been making her laugh by throwing grapes up in the air and catching them in my mouth. I threw them back in the fridge and grabbed an apple. No apples that I could remember. There… one untainted food thing!

"You make it sound that easy, though. It's not. Relationships are hard, Nicky. Seriously."

"I know."

"And another thing, I bet you never told her. You had this whole date and she blew you off, so you just blew her off, right?"

I didn't look up at him, instead stared at my shoe as I took another bite of my apple.

"Right?"

I shrugged, "Vinnie said I shouldn't show her. I was whipped and…"

"Vinnie? You took advice from Vinnie? Oh man, no wonder you're single!" Brian laughed.

"Stop. You just don't like Vinnie."

"Yeah. I just don't like Vinnie. Vinnie's a fine guy, Nick. But he's not a good boyfriend role model, now, is he? He's with a different girl every week. You know why men laugh at other guys and call them whipped, Nick? Because they can't get a girlfriend! Vinnie has never had a woman love him the way Rachel loves you… oh, don't give me that look! Vinnie's a frat boy! He wouldn't know love if it bit him on the ass."

Okay, Brian might have a point there. Anna had loved Vinnie once. I knew it. But he'd fucked it up. "You guys are always saying I'm too young… well, maybe I am. Maybe I'm just like Vinnie and I shouldn't be falling in love and all that."

"Maybe not, bro, but it's not your choice now, is it? You've hurt her now and might have ruined a really good thing. Was it worth it not to look like a wimp in front of Vinnie?"

No. Not fucking at all! Not even a little bit. I didn't even bother replying to Brian, but reset the game and started shooting.

I stumbled into my room, dropping my bags right inside the door. Okay, having money rocked. I'd just bought a stupid amount of stupid stuff, because I could. Maybe I should be investing something, but it was my fucking birthday. I needed those new shoes. And the guitar case… I'd had that sent to the hotel, was it here yet?

It wasn't, but Lola had left the box of stuff from my family. Rock on. I loved presents.

I fell onto the couch, kicking off my shoes and pulling the box over. I ripped it open to find a pile of wrapped gifts inside. My family was into presents. Christmas was generally out of control.

Mom's cookies were on top, and I bit into one, smiling as it transported me into the kitchen at the winery, helping Mom and Dad bake. Oatmeal raisin, my favorite. I'd have to hide these from the boys… Lola could have one, since she got the presents to me. But these were mine.

Mom had sent me one of the new winery t-shirts, along with a promise to take me shopping when I got home next week. That was cool. I loved shopping with Mom. It wasn't about buying stuff. It was about looking at things, making fun of horrible outfits and bonding. We hadn't done that for ages; I'd been too busy. The last couple of times I'd been home, Nick had been with me, and…

No thinking of Nick! More presents. Books from my brothers and their wives, good bus reading. There would be tests next week if I knew them. Geeky, perhaps, but we all read a lot, growing up. Hey, I loved my hometown, but it wasn't exactly exciting. Reading had given us something to do on those long summer days when school was out.

And then the kids… they'd gotten me some picture frame kit or something. I had handmade frames from each of them. I could just see them all, sitting at the big table in the kitchen at the winery, putting things together under the careful direction of the moms, while my mom baked cookies…

We were sickeningly cute, weren't we? Fucking idyllic. I was so blessed.

Billy had definitely gotten help from his mom, but that was his scrawl on the frame, a cute picture of his sweet grin. Ally's had flowers all around her picture, and Katie's looked beautiful, a nice snapshot of their family.

But then there was Colleen's. I just stared at it for a moment. Covered in glitter, of course, but it was a picture of Nick and me, the last time we were at the Point. He was standing behind me with his arms around me. His head was resting on top of mine. We weren't even looking at the camera, and I knew exactly when it was taken. We were at the winery, after dinner, watching the sun set over my vineyard.

Shit.

That had been such a nice day. Such an amazing surprise. He'd chartered a jet, and rented a sweet car and made all the arrangements, to get me home for a day. 24 hours in the best place in the world, just because he thought I needed it.

What happened? That was just a few weeks ago, and now he was fucking other girls and lying to me about it and… I'd left him, and he hadn't even called. Well, last night, to make some stupid comment about…

What was that? Jasmine in Minneapolis? Jeremy and I might have been with her, but how did Nick know that?

Who was I kidding? I knew exactly how Nick knew that. He'd fucked her. And she must have told him. Yeah, she told us it was just between us and all, but I knew her type. She'd only kissed me to impress Jeremy. I hated girls that dissed other girls just to get to the boys.

And what the hell were you doing, Rachel? Letting another girl into your bed in the hopes of saving your relationship with Jeremy? Yeah, that worked. Good idea.

I looked down at the picture and tossed it into the box. I'd find another picture for Colleen's frame. Fuck him. Jasmine could have him, and they could pick up all the cute, vapid girls they wanted. Maybe it would be everything either of them ever wanted in a relationship… lots of sex and not much else.

All right, alone time was bad. I walked into James' room without knocking on our adjoining door. He was on the phone, and I caught just a bit of his conversation before he saw me. "Yeah, she's still pretty down. I don't think I can tonight…"

Gee, wonder who he was talking about? I jumped on the bed next to him, and he tried to shoo me away. Not a chance. "Who're talking to? What are you not doing tonight?"

"Nothing. It's JC."

I heard a protest from the phone, and it made me laugh. "You are passing up nookie to soothe my broken heart? James, you are the best friend ever!"

I loved it when James blushed. It just cracked me up. "Shut up!" he hissed, but JC said something to make him smile.

"Can we go out?" I asked, and he looked back at me.

"Where?"

"Dancing? Drinking? Perhaps dinner first? JC can come, and I'll hang all over him, and we'll be in the papers and piss Nick off, and provide you with the perfect cover. Can we? I bet JC knows cool places in L.A. And I have a really cute outfit to wear. Not that either of you will appreciate it, but I will!"

At least on Brian's bus, he was distracting me from thinking about my stupid life. I didn't want his advice… but that didn't stop him. At least he wasn't like Kevin and AJ. They were always so sanctimonious. Sometimes Brian could just be Brian again. Spending time with him - just us doing something dumb like playing video games - reminded me what I liked about him.

It'd been a while since I liked the fellas, I guess. When I was with Rachel, I'd watch her with her boys, and I could barely remember feeling that way about the fellas. Was there really a time when we "sang at the drop of a dime," like we said every night? I could barely remember. Now it was all about damage control and profit margins. There was music in there somewhere, but I wasn't sure where.

And the music… I groaned out loud thinking about having to go back into the studio. If we weren't going to tour Europe, there would be no putting off the inevitable. Management was already talking about what producers Jive was lining up for us to work with, and it was all the same old shit.

AJ had played me a new song the other day and it was all right… I guess… but it was one of those boy band ballads that Rachel always teased me about. I saw her band and how they wrote. It didn't take 12 songwriters and studio musicians and market research people picking which songs would work the best given the market. Fuck that shit! When she wrote, it was because she felt something… had something to say.

What the fuck did we have to say?

I had to stop this! I turned up the CD player, and Linkin Park blasted from the speakers. Instinctively I went to my phone. Maybe I could talk to someone. As soon as I turned it on, it beeped at me. Fuck. Did I turn it off last night? Yeah, must have… I remembered storming into my room, so pissed off at her.

Rachel. She was on my phone. My heart leapt as I heard her voice and then I listened.

Fuck. Oh, she was pissed. She didn't even finish her message. Calling me a "fucking idiot" and "cheating bastard" before the message stopped abruptly. Did she get cut off? Something happen to her phone?

I didn't want to know.

I shouldn't have left the message last night. That was so fuckin' stupid!

I deleted her message and dialed Vinnie. Fuck! No answer. He must be sleeping off the hangover or still having sex with those girls.

Why didn't I stay last night? So what if Rachel had fucked the redhead, didn't mean it spoiled her for me. Maybe she'd agree with Rachel that I was better than Jeremy, too.

I had to stop thinking about her! I dialed Tony's number but got his machine. I didn't bother leaving messages, either. I considered calling Anna, but she'd just tell me shit I didn't want to hear. I couldn't face her yet.

I glanced at the clock. Still had miles to go before I could sleep. Or stop. Were we stopping somewhere tonight or not?

"Hey, Geoff!" I called, making my way up to the front of the bus.

"Yep, I'm awake!"

"Good thing, dawg. Otherwise we're toast! And you're carrying precious cargo, you know!"

"Ha fuckin' ha, Nick. To what do I owe the honor?"

I sat in the front seat and smiled over at Geoff. Driving my bus must suck, huh? Just sitting here for hours on end, staring at the road. I didn't know how they did it. Dad had done that before I was born, too. Well, still did… but that was more about being with Aaron and me, I think. Gave him a role in our careers. Mom had carved out the manager thing, so Pops had to do something to fit in, I supposed.

"Nothing. Bored. Are we stopping so you can sleep?" Geoff shrugged, hitting a button on the dashboard and suddenly it was quiet. Oh, had he been he watching something? I looked up at the video screen, "Sorry, dude…"

"Nah. Seen it 12 times now. Yeah, we're stopping. Didn't Frank give you the new schedule?"

"Probably." Yeah, I think he slid something under my door last night, but I hadn't been in a mood to deal with him.

"Well, we're stopping in a few hours. Dinner and then switching. You get Ken, and I'll catch some sleep on the crew bus."

"Cool. Where're we stopping?"

Geoff shrugged. "I'll know when the big guy calls, man. I don't make the rules."

"You and me both! Cool. Let you get back to your movie, dude."

I went back to my little room and threw myself down on the bed, grabbing the remote control. But I didn't want to watch a movie. I'd seen every movie on my bus a million times. Instead I got up and plugged in the laptop. Maybe I'd freak out some girls and go into our chat room. Did I remember how to do that?

Ummm… no. I forgot the password Lee gave me. Shit.

Instinctively I typed in www.suddensilence.com and the page was loaded before I knew what I was doing. I went to the news page. Nothing much new there. I scanned down… Darien had a tour diary? I clicked on it and found myself laughing out loud. That was so fucking Darien. I could just see him talking. Pop rocks and Jell-O… man, I had to remember that next time we had a party in Tampa. Tony would think that was cool.

Wasn't there some story about pop rocks and blow jobs? Nah… that might be painful.

I scanned the news page again and saw a list of all the magazines and TV shows they were going to be on soon. Fuck. Everywhere I turned I was going to see her, huh? I guess I should get used to it. I'd always told her they were going to be huge - bigger than us any day now. Okay, maybe not, we'd sold like 40 million CDs or something insane like that. She'd told me once that only boys could sell that many albums because girl fans were more obsessive than boy fans. I couldn't really argue with that… our fans were pretty fuckin' obsessive.

I clicked over to their message board. They had to know what Sudden Silence were up to, right? She had devoted fans. I'd met them during the tour. Some gay guy who was in love with James and even a few guys that adored her. Yeah, I'd met them. Sizing me up during the meet and greets to see if they could take her. They wished. Rachel'd only ever had eyes for me.

And what did I do? I fucked her over. Shit. How many times did I promise her I wouldn't be like all the others? I shut my eyes and remembered that first night at the Point house when I'd raced her up from the beach and she'd let me into her bed for the first time…

"I'm not going to do that, Rache."

She looked up at me questioningly, "What?"

"Hurt you like that. Either of them. My god, Rache, whatever you want, it's yours."

She smiled at me. That 'silly boy you don't know what's best for you' smile that she gave me so often. I pulled her back to me, breathing in her scent as I buried my face in her hair. "I'm serious, Rache. Please don't compare me to them."

She should have compared me to them. I fucking failed the test!

I read through the message board headings. They were all talking about the latest article, the one I'd seen in the mall with Vinnie yesterday. The interviewer had asked what they couldn't tour without and the boys had all said 'condoms.' Yeah. I could see that… especially Jeremy. He was like Vinnie, picking up a different girl every night, just because he could.

Now that Rachel was single, would that stop? Would she be the one filling his lonely nights?

Shit. I had to stop this! Too much fucking time on my hands to think, that was bad. When we stopped, I should see if anyone had sleeping pills. At least then I'd sleep. I could handle dreaming about her. I couldn't do anything to stop my dreams, but just thinking about her…

God, why was I such an ass?

I moved the cursor to close my browser and something caught my eye, "Happy Birthday, Rachel!"

Shit. I'd managed to forget that for a couple hours. I'd completely forgotten to cancel her presents, I was so pissed off at Vinnie this morning. Now I was gonna look like an ass. Well, more of an ass. Wasn't bad enough that I'd fucking cheated on her, now I looked like I was sending her lame presents to make up for it. Cool, Nick. Really fucking smooth.

Maybe Frank had remembered and canceled them? Doubtful. I remembered that look on his face when I'd ordered him to go after her that night. "This is the last fucking favor I do for you, punkass," I believe were the words he'd spit out at me before going down to her.

And helping her leave me. Man, I had to get rid of Frank. He'd helped her leave.

Like you were gonna make her stay, Nick? Yeah, let's add kidnapping to the charge of cheating, huh?

Maybe she didn't think the presents were lame, though. Maybe she was thinking about me like I was thinking about her? Should I call…?

I stared down at my cell phone. Oh, hell… why the fuck not.

Her phone rang about 3 times before it picked up. I knew that meant she didn't have it on. I glanced at the clock. Barely dinnertime here, she was probably out with her boys doing something cool for her birthday like getting new tattoos and spending their first royalty checks. I laughed at the thought. She hadn't gotten a royalty check yet, had she? No, she would have told me. I bet this first one would be more money than she'd ever seen before!

I nearly forgot to leave a message, absorbed in my own thoughts.

"Ummm… hi, Rache, it's Nick. I'm… I'm sorry about the message last night. Can we just forget that? I was a little drunk and a lot stupid."

Oh God, that was lame. Why'd I bring up that stupid message? Shit! I tried to collect myself, stumbling over my words as I stuttered into her voicemail like I'd done so many times before.

"Umm… well, I'm… guess I'm calling to wish you a happy birthday. I know you're probably off having a great time and… well, I'm here on my bus making this fuckin' long trip from Minneapolis to Calgary. 30 hours or something insane. Anyhow… you called last night and… I know you're pissed and you have every right. But… you didn't let me apologize and… Rachel, I'm so sorry. Really, baby. If you call me back… please call me back and let me explain, okay? I miss you, and… fuck. I know you probably don't care, but I do. I miss you, and I love you so much. Hope you're having a great birthday, buttercup."

I turned off the phone before I could try tried to erase it.

That was okay, right? I did love her. I missed her, and I knew if she'd just call me, maybe I could make it better. She had to at least let me try, right?

She hadn't just moved on, had she? She'd said she loved me… that meant something. It had to. Rachel didn't say those kinds of things lightly. Did I? Was I fooling myself when I said I'd loved her?

I clicked on one of the links on the board and her face filled the screen and my heart skipped a beat.

No. I loved her. My god, I loved this woman. Suddenly, I was following every link. One person said she'd seen her and the band at Roscoe's yesterday. They'd been in a great mood and laughing. And then suddenly Rachel had run to the bathroom, and Jeremy had followed her.

Fucking Jeremy. They were so fucking again. Yeah. When she'd come out, she'd looked like she'd been crying and Jeremy was holding her hand.

Great. I didn't stand a chance again him, did I?

Wait… he'd cheated on her plenty of times. She kept taking him back, and she was still taking him back! She loved me more than Jeremy; she'd told me that a million times. Then she had to at least talk to me.

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