I could only watch her go. She wouldn't let me touch her, she wouldn't listen to what I had to say, what could I do?

The elevator doors slid shut on her hurt, angry face, and I couldn't move.

What had I done? Rachel just walked out on me.

I took a deep breath, and it came out a scream. I snapped, running for the elevator, banging at the buttons. I had to get her back. She couldn't just walk away like this!

"You really want to run through the lobby looking like that?" Frank asked from behind me. He'd seen that whole stupid scene, hadn't he?

I whirled around, but he caught my fist before it connected with his jaw.

"You so don't want to go there, little man."

"Fuck you! Go get her, she can't be gone yet!"

"I'm not fucking dragging her back here to see your sorry ass. You fucked up big time. This is all on you."

I wanted to kill him. This was all his fault. I'd heard her ask him if I'd slept with that girl, and he didn't deny it. If he had denied it, I could have saved this, I could have lied, and it would have been fine.

I started to say something, but he interrupted me as the elevator doors opened and he stepped on. "If she is still here, I will ask her to come back up. And that is the last fucking favor I'm ever doing for your punk ass."

"Rachel!" It was Frank, and I looked over my shoulder. Two more minutes and I would be gone, I just needed my car. I didn't know where I was going, but I couldn't be here any longer.

God, this was going to be all over the Internet tomorrow. I should have taken a back way out. The fans saw me, and I know they didn't believe me when I said that I was rushing for a flight. I always came out with Frank, they knew that. And now Frank had followed me out… fuck. I was so stupid.

"I'm sorry, darlin'," he said softly as he stood next to me, and I almost burst into tears at his sweet face. I'd miss him.

"So am I," I muttered, looking up as my rental car stopped in front of us, but he pulled me back into a hug.

"You're way too good for him, sweetheart. What can I do for you?"

I shrugged, willing myself not to fall to pieces. I had a feeling no one could do anything to make me feel better. I looked up as I heard my name, and AJ was standing next to us. He reached out for me, and I felt a tear slide down my cheek, "Don't…"

AJ pulled back, and I stepped away from them, searching for a tip for the valet. Before I could find my wallet, Frank handed the guy something, and I smiled at him weakly.

"I think I'm still on the LA flight. I'll go…" My voice broke, and AJ didn't let me stop him this time, he pulled me into a hug and whispered how much he'd miss me in my ear.

Oh God, this was it. This was the end. This whirlwind romance, this amazing summer… what if the band was next? I was so fucking right; nothing good ever lasted. Maybe it wasn't just Jeremy or Damon… or Nick. Maybe it was me. Maybe there was something about me that made me inherently unlovable. A sob escaped my throat, and AJ held me tighter.

"Get in," Frank's voice from behind me snapped me out of my panic, and I looked back at him as he held the passenger door open. "You can't drive like this. I'll get you to the airport."

I nodded, kissing AJ on the cheek one last time before sliding into the car. He leaned down to me. "He's going to be regretting this, you know."

I held up a hand, "I can't… sorry, Aje." I pulled the door shut and looked over at Frank, and without a word, he pulled out. This would be okay. Airport and then I could fall apart on the plane. I was good at doing that. I felt that empty feeling in my stomach as I remembered a similar ride over a year ago. Only Frank was Em and we were going to Heathrow. I'd managed not to be hysterical through much of the flight, but as soon as I'd seen James, I'd just lost it. Suddenly it'd been all so real. I'd never see my father again. Never hear his laugh. Never share a smile with him or feel his touch...oh, fuck…

"Pull over."

Frank looked over at me, and concern flashed over his face, "Rachel, are you okay?"

I just shook my head. If I tried to talk now, I'd start to cry and never stop. I just knew it. My stomach lurched, and I scrambled for the door handle as Frank pulled onto the shoulder. I felt the gravel on my knees as I hit the ground, heaving into the grass by the side of the road. Oh God, I felt like I was going to die. At the very least, my head was going to split in two.

Why did it always feel this way? Like someone was sitting on my chest and I'd never be able to take a deep breath again. If James were here, he'd be telling me to breathe. Holding my hand or rubbing my back and telling me, "Rache, remember to breathe… just one deep breath for me, honey." I gasped as I tried to breathe, and it was then that I felt Frank's arm around my waist and one hand holding my hair back. It had been up at dinner, hadn't it? Yeah…

"You're so sexy with your hair up, Rache," Nick whispered, pulling his chair even closer to mine.

"Stop it," I tried half-heartedly to push his hands away as he reached for me, his lips connecting with the soft skin on my neck and his fingers tangling in the fine hair at the nape of my neck. He twirled a single curl around his finger and pulled, making me moan into his mouth.

"Stop what, buttercup?"

I didn't have to look up to see that smile in his eyes as he teased me, his lips nibbling on my neck, his tongue darting out to taste my skin every so often. "Nothing," I mumbled when I could find my voice. I leaned into him and ran my hand up his thigh, squeezing his erection. "Are you done with dinner yet, baby?"

I felt him nod against my neck and the next thing I knew, my hair was falling down around us and his fingers were tangled in it, pulling as he increased his pressure.

Instinctively, I felt my neck as if I could still feel Nick's lips there. I tried to swallow another sob, closing my eyes and concentrating on my breathing, but it was no use. The next thing I knew Frank had his arms around me and my head was pressed against his chest. He was built like a truck, and I felt safe here in the dark, protected by his arms.

"Want a job, Frank?"

I could just hear the smile in his voice. "Told you once, I can't guard girls. You're just a bitty thing. Anyone hurts you and I'd have to kill them."

I turned suddenly and pulled out of his arms, "Don't hurt him!"

Frank tried not to laugh at me, helping me up and then handing me a bottle of water and some Kleenex, "I don't have to, sweetheart. Here, clean up. I think we can still get you on your flight."

I took a gulp of water and then spit it out. Ewww… my toothbrush had better be in my bag.

"That is… if you're still leaving…"

His voice trailed off, and I stared at a spot on the road. Was I leaving? Yes. I had to leave. I couldn't let Nick treat me this way, could I? He was supposed to love me. I was supposed to be the one he turned to, not some nameless woman in the hotel lobby who just thought he was hot.

I ignored the little voice in my head that reminded me that he had turned to me. All week. How many times did he have to call and ask for my attention before he got it? Well, he'd gotten it now.

No… I looked up at Frank and then turned to the car. "Yeah. Leaving. Maybe I can talk to him in a few days, but not now."

Frank started to respond, but then closed his mouth and opened my car door, not saying anything as I slid back into the passenger seat.

How long had it been since Frank left? Five minutes? 15? I had no idea.

This was stupid. Why didn't I go after her? Because I didn't want to have a scene in front of the fans? Fuck them. Fuck Frank. He wouldn't bring Rachel back to me. He never thought I was good enough for her.

Fuck them all, I'd go and get her. She'd have to listen to me. I didn't really do anything… I didn't think. It was just actual sleeping, probably. I was really drunk last night. She'd understand that. Hell, could she blame me? I'd barely been able to get her on the phone all week, so I hung out with some fans. Big fucking deal.

The elevator doors opened, and I jumped. That had to be Rachel and Frank. She'd be calm now and listen to me, and everything would be just fine.

But, no, it was Brian and Leighanne. Fucking great. Yeah, I wanted to talk to them, the perfect fucking couple. They looked surprised to see me, and I just glared at them, heading for the stairs. Rachel still had to be here somewhere, right? It couldn't have been that long since Frank left.

"Nick!" Brian yelled, throwing himself in front of the door before I could open it. "You can't go down there looking like that."

"Fuck you, Brian. What the hell do you know about anything?"

"I know that in about five minutes, this is going to be all over the Internet. Don't give them anything to report on."

"Why the fuck not? I am so fucking sick of wondering who's watching my every goddamn move. If Rachel leaves just because I shouldn't make a fucking scene."

He stopped me before I could go on. "She's already gone, Nicky."

"She is not!" I protested. She couldn't be. She couldn't just leave like that! That wasn't fair! She wouldn't even listen to me!

"Frank is taking her to the airport." I whirled around to find AJ behind me. Where the hell did he come from? How did he know this?

"He was supposed to bring her back!" I knew I was whining, but I couldn't stop myself. This was not happening. Rachel did not just leave me.

But AJ just shook his head at me. "You don't want her back right now, Nicky. She's way too upset. Believe me, I know..."

I cut him off, stalking away from him, ignoring the fact that Leighanne and Sarah were hanging on our every word. "Fuck you both. You don't know shit. You have no idea what is going on."

"I don't know what's going on?" AJ yelled, moving in front of me. "Dude, I wrote the fucking book. You're drinking way too fucking much and getting stupid. But why the hell should you listen to me?"

"Because you don't know anything! Nothing happened! And if something did, can you blame me? I can't even get Rachel to return my fucking calls. So don't get all fucking holier than thou, Alex."

"Of course it's not your fault, Nicky. Nothing is ever your fault."

He continued on, but I had my room door open by this point. "Get the fuck out of my life. All of you!" I yelled, slamming the door behind me.

Fuck. Rachel and I had just… we…

The flowers I'd gotten her were lying on the floor, and I picked them up, hurling them at the wall. A wineglass was next, and for once in my life, I managed to break something when it hit the wall. That made me feel better, so I picked up everything I could find that reminded me of her and destroyed it.

This stupid fucking room. I hated this room. I hated the party I'd had last night and that stupid little skanky girl I'd slept with. She was barely even cute. I ruined my life for that? What kind of idiot was I?

But fuck, that's what it took to get Rachel to pay attention to me. I was upset this morning, and then she showed up. I suddenly understood why Jeremy had cheated on her so much. Maybe that's what it took to get her to pay attention to him. Fuck, Damon had to go and get someone else pregnant before Rachel would give him the time of day.

Bitch. And she wondered why all her relationships sucked? Obviously she never paid attention to any of us. No wonder Jeremy was always smirking at me. He knew what sort of cold, unfeeling bitch she was.

"Jesus Christ, Nick!"

I jumped about a mile, whirling around to find Martin surveying the damage. Fucking tour managers.

"This so comes out of your per diem, little man."

Why the hell was Martin here? Shouldn't he have gone on to Chicago with Kevin and Howie? Or was he just here to baby-sit me? How the hell did he get into my room?

He smirked at my expression and held up a key. "I always have a key. Never know when one of you is going to throw a fit."

"Fuck you. How quick can my bus be ready to go to Chicago?"

He considered me for a minute. "Pretty quick. I hear Frank has gone to...uh...do an errand."

"Fuck Frank. I don't want Frank any more. Just get my bus ready, I want to get out of here, now!"

He nodded. "Probably the best idea. Fine. Twenty minutes, I'll get Geoff."

Dude. I'd forgotten how cool Beverly Hills was. The cab stopped in front of the Peninsula, and I breathed in the scent of roses and magnolia and a million other flowers that I couldn't place. Did they pipe the stuff in? No other place on earth could possibly smell this amazing.

I smiled at the driver and handed him a bunch of bills as he smiled and helped me out of the car. Shouldering my bag, I took another deep breath. I'd managed not to fall apart on the plane. In fact, I found myself getting more and more angry with every moment I was away from the punkass. There'd been a girl in coach who recognized me when she got on, and her dad had ended up asking me if I'd say hello to her. She was 14 or 15 and thought I was the coolest thing. She was asking for a guitar for her birthday, and her father had just winked at me, telling me in a glance that she'd be getting it.

So I couldn't fall apart on the plane. How lame would that be… crying in public over my stupid punk ass boyfriend? I had little girls to inspire.

No… this would be okay. It was just a fling, and I shouldn't have let myself think any differently, right? Still… maybe everyone was out and I could have some time to myself. Maybe take a bath. My neck was killing me from trying to sleep on the flight. Wasn't there some charity thing this evening that the boys were going to?

The pretty boy at the front desk smiled when he saw me, "Ms. Bates, good evening. We didn't expect you until the morning. We certainly would have sent a car if we knew you were coming in early."

It always freaked me out a little when the hotel staff used my assumed name, but I just smiled and glanced at my watch. "It is morning, right?"

He smiled. "I stand corrected. You must be exhausted. Shall I have your bed turned down?"

I nodded. Yeah, I needed to sleep. But maybe the bath first? I still had bath bombs from… fuck the bath. The Peninsula had a great rooftop pool. Maybe I'd take a swim under the stars to relax. Yeah, a nighttime swim and some wine. That sounded pretty good.

He handed me my key, and I leaned in to see his nametag. Man, that was such a Darien trick. "Todd, I've got this horrible crick in my neck from the plane. Any chance I can get a 5 minute massage in the morning?"

He didn't even blink, "Of course. Why don't I send Daniel up after you've settled in?"

"Oh… I was going to go swim and see if that helped. Is the pool open?"

"It is now. Better yet, I'll have Daniel meet you in…" He looked at his little scheduling book. "Cabana 3 - it's right by the jacuzzi."

I fucking loved being a rock star! It was 2 AM, and I could get a personal masseuse just like that? Okay, I'd be paying for it later… but hell, we were meeting with the accountant on Sunday. I had a few more days until everyone yelled at me for spending too much money.

I practically kissed Todd and then hurried off to my room, not even bothering to unpack. I found my suitcase already in my room. Lola must have had them put everything in here for me. My robe was hanging on the bathroom door and my toothbrush was in the holder. Oh, I could so get used to this. I brushed my teeth and washed my face before I slipped into my little bikini. James had talked me into buying it at Wal-Mart on our midnight shopping spree, because we'd be in LA this week. Since it was September, it was marked down to five bucks. When I'd tried it on, I'd tried to imagine Nick's reaction… but I guess that didn't matter now, did it?

No getting maudlin, Rache!

I threw on my robe and made my way up to the roof. Man, I loved this view. The skyline of LA was lit up all around me, like techno-starlight. It still smelled like magnolias, too. The jacuzzi was in its own little alcove with vines decorating gothic columns all around the perimeter. I tried to dip my foot in and nearly fell, squealing when someone caught me around the waist.

"Watch it, it's slippery," a male voice said into my ear, and I closed my eyes briefly. I didn't want to turn and see him. I just wanted this faceless man to keep holding me. That was nice.

Oh, but it got better. The man, Daniel, my masseuse for the next hour, led me into the cabana, and within minutes every care in the world disappeared. He didn't talk again, but his strong hands moved over my body, easing the tension out of my body and making me moan despite myself. There was a slight breeze and soft music drifting into the cabana… I might have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew Daniel was kneeling down by the table, stroking my hair tenderly.

"Ms. Connor… Rachel… are you okay? Can I do anything for you?"

I looked at him then, and into the kindest eyes. They were dark brown and outlined in gold. His hair was dark, too, and fell onto his shoulders. He had a lopsided smile… oh, fuck. I was crying? I scrambled to move, and he stepped back, trying to turn around before my towel fell to the ground, but it was too late. Now I was sitting there naked in front of him, and he didn't dare move. I held out a hand, and he took it, pulling me up and wrapping my towel around me.

"Long day?"

I nodded, "They all are anymore. Thank you for doing this for me at this ungodly hour," I sniffed, wiping my eyes with the edge of the towel.

He smiled and rubbed my shoulders with the towel. "No problem. I give all the beautiful women the special 2 AM jacuzzi treatment."

We were quiet for a moment, just the sound of the soft music and our breathing. Hmmm… that was really nice.

"You might want to take a dip now, get some of the oil off…"

I looked out at the jacuzzi and then back at him, "Join me?"

What the hell was I doing? But I'd said it...it was out there before I could reconsider. He looked at me for a moment and then down at himself. "I don't have a suit."

I took a step toward him and pulled the drawstring on his pants, so that they fell to the floor. "Is that a problem?"

He smiled down at me and then pulled his T-shirt over his head as I eased his briefs over his hips. Oh, he was built, too. Not huge muscles, but nice definition. He had those swimmer hips that I loved, and I wanted to lean down and run my tongue over his hipbones, but I restrained myself. Instead, I ran my hand over his stomach and it quivered ever so slightly, "Ticklish?"

"No… well, not usually."

He started to go on, but I just turned and led him to the jacuzzi. I didn't want to know too much about him. I didn't want to think about anything. I just wanted to feel good again.

Oh, and this made me feel good. The warm water turned my relaxed muscles to jelly, and he had to pull me onto his lap so I wouldn't go floating away. "I shouldn't be doing this."

I laughed. "Am I gonna get you fired? Fooling around isn't a perk of the job?"
He was quiet as he ran his hands over my legs, under the water. Oh, that was really nice. I opened them slightly, and he followed my lead, stroking the inside of my thighs, making me catch my breath.

"No, encourage you to be in the jacuzzi after a massage. It's not a good idea."

"But you're here," I whispered, turning around in his lap to face him. "To supervise, right?"

He just nodded, letting me kiss him. Without another thought I fell into it, opening my mouth and stroking his tongue. He tasted like wine… or was that me? Who cared. It was nice. He had a strong tongue, just like his hands… hands that were caressing my back and then drifted to my ass. He pulled me closer to him, and I could feel his erection pressing against my stomach as we kissed and rubbed against each other.

Heaven.

I tried to clear my head and concentrate on how he was making me feel. He moaned my name, and I moved back to his mouth. No, I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to think at all. I just wanted to feel.

His hands moved to my breasts, and I pulled back so he could kiss them, letting his dark hair fall forward as he leaned into me. His hair was so soft. I liked running my hands through it, tugging on it just a bit so he increased his pressure as he sucked on my nipple. Nick's hair was never long enough to wrap my hands in…

My head spun as I closed my eyes… the water and massage and amazing feelings in my body all making me dizzy. Nick's face was in front of me, his tongue darting out and circling my nipple… teasing me like he always did. "You like that, don't you, Rachel… yeah, moan louder for me, baby. Tell me how good it feels."

Nick? Daniel's lips hadn't left my skin, now I was hearing things. Fuck.

I moaned louder and shut my eyes tighter. Go away! Go away! I don't want to think about you! Nick probably hadn't seen my face when he was fucking that girl last night. Or maybe he had. Maybe he'd pretended it was me, my hands on his body, my mouth on his cock…

Suddenly I cried out as my orgasm overtook me. I hadn't even felt Daniel… shit. I looked down in panic, but he took my face in his hands, kissing my cheeks and running his fingers in my hair. "Shhh… Rachel, it's okay," he mumbled between kisses. "Entirely expected. You're so relaxed - just go with it."

He pushed me back, and I was floating in the water as he held onto my hips, instructing me to wrap my legs around his waist. Quickly his finger found my clit again. His touch was light, and I wanted to tell him what I needed, but when I opened my mouth again, all I could do was moan. His fingers were filling me, and I pushed against him, reaching down to help him. Oh damn… fuck…

He let me float for a moment, but then he gathered me up in his arms, leaning back against the side of the jacuzzi and holding me close. That was nice… so nice… His chest was so strong, and I leaned my head against it with a sigh, letting him hold me up. My hand traveled over his stomach, the muscles of his hips, and then I took his cock in my hand. He gasped a bit at my touch, and I looked up at him with a smile.

"I think I've been like that since they told me who I was giving a massage to," he admitted quietly.

I fucking loved being a rock star. Who needed whiney little boys who fucked around when I didn't pay enough attention to them? Daniel was perfectly happy to have me for an hour.

Leaning up, I kissed him as I stroked his length, running my thumb around the tip. He liked that. I could tell by the way he sucked on my tongue, moaning into my mouth. His head fell against my shoulder, and he lifted a hand to touch my breasts. My nipples hardened, and I considered stopping, inviting him down to my room, where I had condoms and a bed…

But then he came against me, sighing my name, and all I felt was relief. I was too tired for anything else. Leaving the water would break the spell, and I'd start thinking about things I didn't want to think about.

"Sorry," he whispered, and I kissed him again, letting him know it was fine. I didn't want anything else, and I think he understood that, wrapping his arms around me again. That was so nice…

"Rachel? Rache?" Did I fall asleep on him again? Fuck. I lifted my head off his shoulder, and he smiled down at me, "When's the last time you slept?"

I shrugged, leaning my head against his shoulder again and holding on to him tighter. "Dunno… this afternoon after…" No. No thinking. There was no 'this afternoon,' no 'this morning,' or even 'this evening'… nothing existed before being here with this amazingly attentive man. I kissed his shoulder. "Sorry…"

He held onto my shoulders, pushing me back so he could see my face, "Shhh… there's nothing to be sorry about, believe me. Thank you, Rachel."

I blushed, trying not to giggle like a schoolgirl as he kissed me again. Oh, he was sweet wasn't he?

He helped me out of the jacuzzi and dried me off slowly, wrapping me in my robe and then walking me to my door. There were no promises of tomorrow or confessions of love. I had a feeling that I probably wouldn't even see him again while we were here.

And that would be fine.

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Chapter Added 7.28.03

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