Oreos for Breakfast: Nick BSB Fiction

Oreos for Breakfast - Chapter 21

By
The Paperbag Princess & The Pumpkin Coach

Page 7 | Page 8 | Page 9 | Page 10 | Page 11

They stopped the playback again, and I screamed, stomping my feet and then glaring at Jeremy when he attempted to tease me about being a brat.

"Oh, fuck you, J! They can't let us get through this stupid song just once! How many different camera angles can they possibly need?"

"Well it takes a lot to catch all of your hotness, diva princess… or is that ego?"

I rolled my eyes and looked down at the audience. There was a girl in the second row with a Backstreet ball cap on. Shit. Why did I have to have reminders of him everywhere? I motioned to Kathleen, Matthew's assistant, and she pulled herself up onto the stage.

"Can we ask her to lose the hat?" I asked, glancing at the woman again. Kathleen looked out, and her eyes widened before she quickly agreed.

Okay, maybe Jeremy was right and I was turning into a diva. Was that diva behavior? So I didn't want to be reminded of Nick every time I looked out at the audience. That was okay, right?

Who was I kidding? Everything reminded me of him. I'd thought it would get easier, but time was just making me miss him more. What was that lyric I'd written this week?

Threw the covers up over my head to catch some sleep
But thoughts of you kept keeping me awake

I'd thought I was overwrought being with him, but being apart didn't seem to be much better. I'd degenerated into writing sappy, breakup country ballads. I'd played that one for James and he threatened to take away my acoustic guitar so I couldn't write any more country.

I just needed to sleep for more than a couple hours at a stretch, and then maybe I'd start to feel better. But I couldn't sleep. Even after the evening's hook up left, I'd lie there and wonder where Nick was and what he was doing. It was like the sex just made me miss him more. I didn't want any of them to stay; I didn't even want them to be too nice. I didn't deserve someone being sweet to me.

Why wasn't he calling me anymore?

It'd been 3 or 4 am when he'd left the last message for me, singing a song that I didn't recognize at all. He'd said he'd written it. Was he missing me so much that he was writing songs, too? It had a really nice line in it that I'd heard as I woke up this morning:

You know I need you, because I breathe you
And with every breath I fall apart

I'd started to believe he was falling apart… but then he'd stopped calling. He'd sung that sad song to my voicemail, and then nothing? Had he given up?

I guess I didn't blame him. I was just a fling, after all. A nice distraction while AJ was in rehab and an excuse to break up with that girl he'd been seeing and didn't like much. Was that what the girl the other night was for him? A convenient excuse for me to leave him because he didn't really love me? I should have listened to that little voice inside my head and not even encouraged him. But it was too much fun.

Jeremy was right. I did like the drama. I liked how much he'd chased me. I loved how he could be so desperate to talk to me. He had this fairy tale life, and I'd come along and knocked him off his pedestal for a moment.

Yeah, just for a moment. Didn't take him long to find a fairy princess who would put him back up there, now, did it?

The director yelled 'cut' yet again, and I could hear Rachel yell even as the playback ground to a halt. "What is it now?" she snarled, and Lola ran over, trying to soothe her. Maybe I didn't want to try and talk to her today. She was in a mood.

The band huddled around and had a conversation with Lola. I couldn't see Rachel, but when Lola walked away, Rachel was smiling. She leaned into the mic to say something, but it wasn't turned on, so it didn't work. "Bad idea, Lola!" I heard James yell, and then suddenly there was a loud pop as the band got turned on.

They had electric on the stage? I thought it was all just for show. Rachel laughed and leaned into the mic again. "Wanna hear another song, kids?" The crowd roared its approval, and Rachel grinned at them. "Man, me too. Are we all completely sick of the new single now?"

Rachel and James talked to a couple of the fans in the front of the crowd for a minute, until Lola reappeared with a guitar case. Rachel had a new guitar? I'd never seen that case before. I lost her as she leaned down to get her guitar, but in a minute she sat down with a guitar on her lap. That was my guitar! The one I got her in Vegas.

She was still playing the guitar I got her, she couldn't hate me that much. Right?

Her hair fell around her face as she adjusted the tuning, and my heart tightened. I remembered watching her the night I first got her that guitar, when I woke up to her playing angry break up songs in the next room. It was amazing, the music she could create by herself. That night she was playing someone else's songs, but it was still awesome.

"You get a little solo set here," she said into the mic. "While the boys get plugged into something."

Were the cameras rolling? Did anyone else in here realize how lucky we were?

The crowd quieted, anticipating something, and she looked up with a smile. "I gotta warn you, I'm a little melancholy on my own. Too much VH-1 Country."

Simple songs of love and heartbreak, she always said. Every once in a while she got me to listen to a country song, but I didn't get why she liked them so much.

"Simple songs of love and heartbreak," she said.

See? I still knew her.

She strummed a chord, then it was a song, one I didn't know. Did she write it? Since when was my rock star a country girl?

I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright
As headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head
And tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms

Oh, shit. Maybe she just picked a song that fit?

I've been trying my best to get along
But that's OK
There's nothing left to say, but
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
I'll keep my cat and you can have the sweater

No. That had to be me. Did she mean the sweater she'd given me? The one that she'd bought for her dad, before she even met me? Glad I got to keep it, I guess…

'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact, I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me

Fuck, Rache, you're all I can think about. I leaned against the wall, hoping the shadows were hiding me as I wiped tears from my eyes. This was not my break up song. I wouldn't let it be. It was country, for god's sake. I deserved better than a sappy country ballad!

Darien crashed on his cymbals, interrupting my quiet little song. Bastard. I turned around in my seat to glare at him as the crowd laughed. "I wanna play!" he whined.

Fuck. I could never be mad at Darien. Besides, he was right. I was bringing the mood down, wasn't I?

"Let's do the fast one, Rache," Jeremy said into his mic, and I stood up, going for my electric guitar. Had someone plugged it in while I was grandstanding?

The fast one? Which fast one? I'd written four or five break up songs this week. At least heartbreak made me creative.

Jeremy strummed the riff, and I realized which one he meant. That one. The really angry one. Of course Jeremy would want that one.

"Alright, this one is better," I told the crowd, strapping on my guitar. "It's new, so forgive us if we fuck up."

Dude. I had no idea a hundred fans could make that much noise. I fucking loved being a rock star. It was just a new song that would probably never make it on the next CD…

Yeah, I loved those lost songs. How many CDs did I have of random Duran tracks? Maybe someone was recording this. More power to 'em.

My band kicked in, and I nodded my head to the beat, trying to remember the words. Yeah, this was a fun one.

Don't wanna hear you on my radio
In fact I don't wanna hear your voice ever again
I'm not receiving you through my stereo
And I don't wanna see
Your stupid face in no magazines

I hadn't seen the fucking tabloids when I wrote that line, but it fucking fit even more now. Take that, punkass.

It ain't easy, man, and I'm not proud
But it's not beneath me to appreciate
The mean streak that's inside me when it's
So hard to miss you the way that I do
I just want to kiss you
Do you miss me?
Do you miss me too?
Don't want to see you, don't want to be seen

The girls in front of me screamed, and I grinned down at them. Okay, this one might make it to an album. It was pretty kick ass. It was one thing to practice a new song at soundcheck, but it was another to take it out in front of an audience. Even if this was a group of our biggest fans, it was going over pretty damn well.

Jeremy kicked into a guitar solo, and I just let him. It was still new. That could get edited it out later. James grinned over at me as I stepped back to the mic to finish the song, and I knew he was glad to see me enjoying myself. James hated that most of my songs came from depression or heartbreak. It was my therapy, I guess, but James would prefer it if I was never sad. He was a good best friend that way.

Lola was next to me as soon as the song was over, and I pouted at her. "Hey, you wanna finish the video and go home early, or have another show? All these guys are coming tomorrow; you're not depriving them of your brilliance."

"Home," we all agreed. I was sick of filming.

Lola was on stage with them, and I left, making my way to the back door, next to where I knew the bus was parked. Rachel was gonna see my stupid face and listen to what I had to say whether she liked it or not. I wasn't sure I liked the punk rock break up song any better than the stupid country ballad.

Sean was leaning against the car, smoking a cigarette and talking to someone. He saw me coming and smiled. "What, alone?"

I scowled at him. "She's still busy."

"No matter. Nick, this is Steve."

Steve looked at me and just laughed. "Okay, Sean, I thought you were making it up. Nick, you really stalked her to the set?"

"She won't answer my calls, man! Let me on the bus."

"Why, are you going to steal her dirty undies?"

Okay, that was gross. At least I wasn't that far gone!

"No, so I can be there when they're done."

Steve and Sean both considered me. What was it about drivers? Why did they both look at me like I was a lovesick idiot?

Okay, maybe that was just being a guy. I was a lovesick idiot. But she was writing breakup songs about me! This was not permanent. I couldn't let it be.

Steve sighed. "I have a job with you if this gets me fired, right?"

"Of course, dude. No worries."

If Rachel took me back, Steve could have anything he wanted.

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