Oreos for Breakfast: Nick BSB Fiction

Oreos for Breakfast - Chapter 21

By
The Paperbag Princess & The Pumpkin Coach

Page 7 | Page 8 | Page 9 | Page 10 | Page 11

"And that's a wrap on Sudden Silence!"

Dude, this was like being on 'Making the Video.' The crowd cheered, and we took a bow. Finally, we were done. Two days of running around the city and filming and makeup and wardrobe and hair, and in a week, we'd have a three-minute video to show for it.

It had better go to number one on TRL, after all this effort. What if our effort was inversely proportional to the success of our videos? We'd fucked around on 'Come On,' and it was still a huge hit... what if now were we trying too hard? That would suck.

James threw an arm around my shoulders, pulling me against his body. "What are you looking all stressed about? It's only eight! We're done early!"

"Eight? Man, I was thinking it was like two am." Didn't matter. I still just wanted to go back to the hotel and sleep.

"Yeah, they did a good job with the seedy lighting in the club, didn't they?" Darien agreed, bouncing over in front of us. "Totally felt like the middle of the morning at a dive bar."

"Ever miss those days?" I wondered out loud to the boys, but Lola interrupted before they could answer.

"Do you want to shower in the trailers, or just go back to the hotel?"

"Hotel," we chorused. I wanted a shower in my nice marble bathroom, and then I was going to take the Peninsula up on the free meal they'd promised me when they fucked up my birthday presents. I'd be asleep by ten.

"Alright, give Steve a minute to pull the bus around. Go gather your stuff out of the trailers, and meet me back here in ten minutes." She walked away, saying something into her cell phone, and I looked up at Darien.

"Okay, in the days of dive bars, we'd be loading our crap into the van and then driving ten hours to the next gig."

"Fuck the old days!" Jeremy yelled, and we all yelled in assent. Yeah, the new days were pretty fucking good.

"Alright, they're done," Steve told me, flicking off his cell. "Ten minutes."

Thank god. We'd been standing here talking about the various women in our lives for the last hour or so, and I'd just been getting more and more nervous. I tried out opening lines in my head, discarding them all.

"Rache, I love you."

"Rache, I'm sorry."

"Rachel, please, listen to me."

"Rache, baby, you know I didn't mean to hurt you."

Yes, I had. I'd so meant to hurt her. Drunk and stupid, and I couldn't see straight; that's how obsessed with her I'd been. The second I'd seenher hurt, angry face when she found out, I'd wanted to take it all back. No matter what she'd done to me, how could I have ever wanted to hurt her?

I guess now I had to pick a line. Steve and I said goodbye to Sean and climbed on the bus. He started the engine, and I fell into a seat. The bench at the table, the one next to the window. Rachel and I always sat here to play cards with the guys or just hanging out, talking and eating junk food.

The bus was a mess. The trials of being in a band with men, she'd tell me. There were clothes and magazines everywhere, piles of papers. Stuff tacked up all over, schedules, itineraries… a poster of me. Horribly defaced.

What could I expect, right?

I looked at it for a long moment, 'wanker' scrawled over my head, tacks through my eyes.

Unable to take it, I got up, ripping it off the wall and crumpling it into a ball. I tossed it into the trash and returned to my seat, glancing out the window to see a couple of girls come running over to the bus. I slumped into my seat as Steve opened the door. "You're late," he told them. "They're leaving."

"Fuck!" the little one yelled. She looked familiar. Had she been at other shows? Probably. Rachel would know. She knew all their fans, practically. At least the ones that followed them around the country.

"You're the Vegas girls, right?" Steve asked, and the girl sighed.

"We were. My mom kicked me out, so now I live in Reno, and the car broke down on the way here… it's been a day."

"Calm down, sweetie. They'll be out in a minute; you'll get a chance to talk to them. Are you staying for the show tomorrow?"

"Duh!" one of them said, making Steve laugh.

"Fine then. Here they come, get yourselves together."

He shut the door and tried to look like he hadn't been encouraging the fans to wait around for the band. "They're too young for you," I teased, and he leaned out of his seat to see me.

"Don't even start, little man. I was just being nice. It's nice to make friends on the road. As long as they stay just friends, right?"

I rolled my eyes at him and slid lower in my seat when I heard a squeal. Must be the band. I peeked out the window, unable to stop staring at Rachel. She was glowing, grinning at a girl who was talking to her a mile a minute. She loved talking to the fans; she still thought it was fun. I was so busy staring at her that I didn't notice Jeremy get on the bus.

"I thought you left."

I looked up at him. "I was in the back. I didn't want to make a scene in front of everyone."

"Pansy ass," he teased, but he almost smiled at me. What the hell? Now I was in Jeremy's club, because I'd hurt Rachel? That sucked.

"And at least now it's not my fault you're here," he went on. "Steve, she is going to fucking kick your ass."

"Why, did he repair the Nicky poster?" James asked, swanning on board. He saw me, and his eyes widened. "Oh my," was all he said, blinking at me for a moment. Darien and Lola got on behind him, and for a second, the three of them just looked at me.

"How did you get here?" Lola asked.

"Plane. Car. Long story," I said, shrugging.

"Frank called me looking for you, I didn't believe it. Impressive, Nick." Frank called Lola? But Kevin knew where I was! Did anyone talk to each other in Backstreet land?

James moved back to the door, yelling off the bus. "RACHEL! We're GOING!"

"Just a minute!" I heard her yell, and when I looked out, she was still surrounded. James leaned back in and looked at me again as Lola and Darien walked by me to sit down.

Darien stuck out his hand and gave me a high five as he passed. "Grand gesture, dude. That's cool."

At least Darien and Jeremy and Lola thought I was cool. But James stared at me for a long moment. "Are you here to apologize?"

I just nodded. I needed James. She listened to James.

"You broke her heart. I'm tired of watching her get her heart broken. It gets us some great songs, but it's not worth it. Do it again, and I'm going to tell everyone who will listen that you were having an affair with me, not her. And don't think I'm kidding."

I didn't. I nodded at him, and he leaned off the bus, grabbing her arm. "I've got something for you, Rachel." He dragged her on the bus and Steve shut the door, backing away from the studio.

"James, what the fuck? I was talking out there!" I shook his hand off, turning myself around and starting towards my seat.

Oh my god.

I froze as Nick stood up, his eyes devouring me.

God, I'd known this would happen. I'd see him and crumble. He looked amazing, jeans and one of our tour shirts, the magic ball cap of invisibility. "Rache," he started, and his voice broke.

It was a familiar sound, his voice breaking. I had it all over my voice mail as he'd sung me song after song.

"Get off my bus. Steven, why the fuck did you let him on here?"

"I'm not stopping the bus, Rachel," was his only answer.

"Fine, then, we'll drop him at the airport. Shouldn't you be on tour somewhere?" Canada. But he was off tonight. I hated that I knew that without thinking about it. I still had his schedule memorized.

"I'm not leaving until I talk to you, Rache."

God, 'Rache'. I loved how he always called me that… that the final 'L' was too much for him.

"There is nothing else to say, Mr. Carter."

"You won't even listen to me, baby. You won't return my calls, I've written you a million emails, and I get nothing. What else was I supposed to do?"

"Leave me alone, like I wanted!"

"I can't. Rache, I can't." There were tears in his eyes, and I had to look away. "Baby, I love you." His voice was raw.

"Don't even, Mr. Sappy Love Ballad," I snapped. "You cheated on me, I left you. What else is there to say?"

"I love you!" he yelled. "That's what's left to say. And you loved me, and the time I had with you was the best in my life, and-"

I couldn't let him do this. I might be furious at him, but even he deserved better than having to pour out his heart to me in front of my band. Moving over to him, I placed my hand over his mouth, hoping he couldn't feel it shake as I touched him. "Not now. Not in front of an audience. Fine, we'll go to my hotel, and we'll talk," I said quietly. Our eyes met, and he reached out for me.

I moved away, dropping into my seat. I could feel him staring at me, until he sat across from me. Great. I stared out the window, avoiding his gaze. I couldn't see Frank in the reflection, and turned, looking around the bus, finally barely glancing at Nick. "Where's Frank?"

He shook his head. "I came alone."

"You came alone?" I questioned. Nick didn't know how to do anything alone. He didn't even try. "How did you do that?"

He shrugged. "I just… did. I got on a plane, and went to the Peninsula, and Anna helped me figure out where the video was shooting. I've been here for hours. I was in the back."

Wow. I just blinked at him. He'd been here? Is that why he wasn't calling me? He was here? I'd almost felt like I could sense him watching me while we'd been filming, but I'd put it down to my overactive imagination. He hated to fly, especially after 9/11, and here he was, staring at me.

Who the fuck was Anna?

"Stop staring at me," I hissed, and he dropped his eyes obediently, picking up a pen off the table and twirling it between his fingers. A heavy silence settled over the bus, and after a moment, I risked a glance at him. His hands were shaking as he played with the pen, full of too much nervous energy, and he looked exhausted under the shadow of his ball cap.

That too familiar lump came into my throat when I looked at him. I wanted to kiss him and make him feel all better. But he'd started this. Maybe I'd been a lousy girlfriend for a few days, but he was the one who'd slept with other people while we were still together. How could he do this to me? He knew how I felt about cheating pop stars. How could he become another one? Blinking back tears, I looked away from him, above his head…and the poster was gone. I laughed and turned back to Jeremy.

"J, where's the poster?"

Nick slouched lower in his seat, not meeting anyone's eyes. Jeremy met my eyes and grinned. "Dunno, Rachel. Regular occupants of this bus know better than to fuck with your stuff." I could positively feel Nick's eyes on me, hurt that the poster might be my handiwork. It wasn't, not really, it was just a joke. Jeremy started to say something else, and I shook my head at him, settling back into my seat again.

Silence again. Weren't we at the hotel yet? Nick was humming something quietly and finally whispered to me. "I hate your new song."

I didn't look at him, just continued staring straight ahead. "Which one?"

"Both," he answered. "Dude. Country?"

I smiled at his disgruntled tone. "Simple songs of love and heartbreak, baby."

"Really?" he whispered, half hopeful and half sad.

I didn't mean to break her heart. But I didn't know it would be so easy, either. If her heart was broken, that meant she really loved me, didn't it?

Was that completely dysfunctional of me, to almost like it that I mattered enough to her to break her heart?

Our eyes met for a long moment, and I knew that she understood exactly what I was asking. I loved that, the way she understood me when I could barely explain myself. Even if it was about me being stupid and insecure, she got it.

"Of course," she finally answered. "Every country song is all about my life now."

I loved her and her fascination with country. She'd written a country ballad about me. I bet Jeremy never got a country ballad.

I was so busy gooning over her that I couldn't figure out why she was standing up. Oh, we were at the hotel. We went in through a back door, and no one bothered us. The elevators back here were small, and Lola got on with the boys, smiling at us. "I'll send it back down."

Rachel scowled at her, but the doors were already closing. This was better. Even if I wasn't sure what to say to Rachel, now it was just the two of us. On the bus, I'd known everyone was watching us and listening.

Rachel whacked the button for the elevator and stared at the floor intently. "Do you have a hotel?"

"Here," I admitted. "They wouldn't tell me which floor you were on, but the nice lady at the front desk told me the seventh floor was very nice."

She shot me a sidelong glance. "It is rather nice. If you're mean to me, the boys are on that floor, too."

"I figured."

"So you just got on a plane and came here?"

"Yeah. We're off for two days, and I just couldn't sit there and stare at the hotel room walls and wait for you to call me back. That 30-hour trip on your birthday was fucking torture. I couldn't do it again."

She muttered something, and I looked at her. "What?"

"You still didn't call me until late that night," she answered, meeting my eyes. "The call the night before didn't really count as a 'happy birthday' call, did it?"

What? Oh. Right. Jasmine.

"Sorry," I mumbled, and she waved me off as the elevator doors opened. I couldn't follow when she stepped inside.

"Are you coming or what?" she snarled, but I only hesitated a second. This was stupid. I couldn't give up now. I had to apologize for real.

The elevator door slid shut, and I started talking, not waiting for her to say anything else. "I'm sorry, Rachel. You just pick the things you want me to apologize for, and I will. That was really stupid. I was drunk, and she totally freaked me out, bringing up your name. I never should have called you about it. I never should have been so mean on the message. I don't even really remember what I said, but I know it pissed you off."

Yeah, she was pissed off now, remembering it. I could see it in the line of her jaw and the way she wouldn't look at me. "Yeah, like you have any fucking right to be judgmental. Did Jasmine bring one of her friends along?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "I left before anything happened, but she had a friend… Sienna? Sierra? Vinnie said they were fun."

He left? He had two hot girls willing to do anything for him and he left? "Vinnie was there too?"

Nick rolled his eyes. "Did you read that tabloid article today? Vinnie tends to talk me into stupid things."

"How did you leave, if you were on a bus?"

It took him a second, but he remembered that the article today talked about an orgy on the bus. "That was another night," he said sheepishly. "But I haven't done anything since I left Vin in Minneapolis with Jasmine and her friend."

The elevator stopped at our floor, and I glanced back at him before leading the way to my room. "So Vinnie's actually the sex addict?"

"He gets more than I do, always has. Usually because I'm there as bait. This is your room? I'm right next door."

I looked over at the door next to mine. Great. Temptation. I fiddled with the key for a second, trying to remember if there was anything incriminating lying around. Teddy bears or Backstreet CDs or Nick's old t-shirts that I'd been wearing to bed nearly every night since I'd left him… the maids had probably picked up, right?

"Bet you don't have a suite," I teased, letting him in. This was better than talking about threesomes, definitely. Safe territory, the caliber of our hotel rooms.

"No. So this is what you get now that you've gone gold, huh?" Fuck, I loved that look in his eyes. He was so excited and proud, just like I'd knownhe would be. That's why I'd wanted to call him all week. I knew he'd be excited for me and make me feel like the coolest girl ever.

Grinning, I fell into a chair. "Evidently, yes. And we get a party after the show tomorrow, which should be exciting. How did you know? Connie tell you?"

He sat on the couch, near me. "Colleen, actually. She called today to thank me for the fairy thingies… remember those?" He caught my eye, then looked away. Of course I remembered those. That was a great day. And he had to know that Katie and Colleen would call me first before they called him, right? "But, um, she mentioned it. And she wanted to know what I got you for going gold, so here."

He rummaged in his pocket, and then presented me with a jewelry box. Not just any box, either, but Tiffany's blue. It was a bit battered from being in his pocket, and I tried to hide my smile. I liked that. Things always got messy with Nick around.

I took it, and pulled off the ribbon to find a beautiful silver bangle bracelet. The latch was a knot, shaped like a heart with a small gold ball on the end. It was simple and… so much better than the gold thing the record company had gotten me. I wasn't a jewelry sort of girl, but Nick always found things that I would love.

But I couldn't wear it. Half of me wanted to squeal and tell him I loved it, and fall into his arms laughing with him about the horrible gold thing that Amber had given me. But I couldn't. This was just a brief happy moment. We had a lot more to talk about before we could be normal again.

I tried the bracelet on, and then put it back in the box and set it on the coffee table. "It's beautiful, Nick. Thank you."

I'd known she wasn't going to fall into my arms when I gave her a present, but it still hurt when she just put it down. Maybe I should have given her the necklace. That was better. It had diamonds! Where the hell was the necklace, anyway? Did I leave it in the car? And all the other stuff… Sean would take care of it, right?

"The hotel called and told me they messed up some stuff on your birthday. Did you get the presents?"

"Yes. Thank you. The deva was lovely. How did you do that?"

"I emailed the woman that makes them when you told me your birthday was coming up. Did you have a good day?"

She shrugged, not meeting my eyes. "Yeah. We got tattoos and went out dancing. It was good."

It was supposed to be great. I'd had plans. Specifically, being here, and we both knew that. Why had I even asked the question? I wanted to ask about her new tattoo, but I was afraid of the answer. What if it meant 'I hate Nick forever' or something?

She put her foot on the table in front of us and pulled up her jeans so that I could see her ankle. She had a Chinese character there now. "It means 'gold'. We all got one, even Lola."

"That's very cool," I told her. I wanted to run my tongue over it and suck on her ankle and make her shudder above me. "What are you going to do when you go platinum across the world?"

That made her smile, and she looked at me. "Is that really why AJ has so many tattoos? Commemorating all your success?"

"Something like that," I said, rolling my eyes.

Giggling, she moved her leg back, knocking something over on the table. I picked it up, glancing at it as I put it back on the table. It was a picture frame… shit. That was us. I had my arms around her and we looked relaxed and happy. Fuck. I didn't have this picture; when was it taken?

"The kids made me picture frames for my birthday," she said quietly, reading my mind. "That's Colleen's. She took it when we were there last."

That quick trip before I went back on tour, yeah, that was us watching the sun set. My heart settled in my throat as I looked at it. I wanted us to be that happy again. I wanted to go back there with her.

That was the night I'd promised to never hurt her. I couldn't stop thinking about that night, and the promises I'd made and broken.

"I'm so sorry, Rachel. Please, believe me. I was drunk and stupid and horrible. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. I look at this picture, and I remember the promises I made to you that night and I don't know how I ever could have broken them. I'm so, so sorry for hurting you."

Oh, god, he was crying. Part of me just wanted to let him cry, but the other part of me went over to him. He was kissing me before I got a chance to say anything, and I fell into it.

Fuck, this is what I wanted with all those other guys this week. I was looking for these lips, Nick's arms around me.

He moved away from me to breathe, sighing my name. "I love you. Let me show you how much. I can make this better, I know I can."

Shaking my head, I pulled away from him. "No."

His eyes were so scared, but he stopped himself from reaching out for me. "Please," he asked, quietly. "Please don't go."

"I'm not," I assured him. "But this can't be all about sex. It's more, isn't it?"

He nodded, meeting my eyes. "Of course. So much more. I just see you and I can't help myself."

Oh god, I understood. Ever since the moment I saw him on my bus, I'd wanted to feel his skin under my fingertips and listen to him as he breathed my name as we moved together. I missed that. I missed having him in my bed and on my phone and in my life.

But did he? Did he miss talking to me? Obviously, it wasn't enough or he would have never slept with that girl. Talking hadn't been enough a week ago. Maybe it was more about the physical stuff for him… No, we couldn't just fall back into bed and have that solve everything.

I leaned back in my chair and glanced over at the clock by the television set. "Take me out to dinner, then. I'm hungry from doing nothing all day." He laughed at that. Today we'd done the sort of video he was used to - all hurry up and wait. "If we stay in this room and talk, we'll end up in bed."

"I hear they have good room service," he joked, and I had to smile at him.

"No. We should get out of the room. I need to take a shower and wash all this makeup off my face. You find us a good place for dinner, and I'll meet you downstairs in the lobby in half an hour."

He just looked at me for the longest moment, and then he finally smiled. "Great."

Disclaimer | Sudden Silence Website
Feedback to Authors | Tragical Fiction (home)

Subscribe to receive an email when this site is updated!

Powered by groups.yahoo.com