Oreos for Breakfast: Nick BSB Fiction

Oreos for Breakfast - Chapter 22

By
The Paperbag Princess & The Pumpkin Coach

I woke up suddenly from a dream about my dad, but Nick's arm held me steady. He sighed against my shoulder, and I smiled, running my hand down his arm that was flung across my body. Why move? We fit together, even snug on the couch. As my breathing steadied, I could hear Frank moving around and realized the bus had slowed down. "Hey, lovebirds, we're nearly at the hotel!" he called, and Nick moaned.

Giggling, I wiggled out of his arms. "Give us five minutes, Frank," I called before turning back to Nick as he tried to grab me back as I stood up. I tossed his shirt at him. Had he slept in those jeans? My god, we hadn't had sex! What was I thinking? "Get up, sweetie, we're at the hotel."

He groaned, rubbing his face. "I hate traveling. What time is it?"

I found my watch, shrugging into my sweater. "Umm… 5:30."

"Am I allowed to hope that's too early for the fans?"

I stepped into my jeans and started clearing up our half-eaten dinner. "You're allowed to hope it, but I wouldn't hold my breath."

Sitting up, he pulled on his shirt, and then he slumped over, his elbows on his knees. Grinning, I ran my fingers through his hair, making it stick straight up. He was too fucking adorable when he first woke up. It was entirely unfair. I knew my hair must be a disaster. He leaned his forehead against my stomach with a sigh. "You're going to leave now, aren't you? Why did I let myself fall asleep?"

He was so pouty in the morning. "I don't think either of us has slept well in a while. No, I'll leave tonight, sweetheart, maybe when you leave for the venue?"

He smiled up at me sleepily, "That's good, Rache. Can we sleep more?"

I laughed, leaning down to kiss him before stopping myself, "Ewww… let's brush our teeth and be all smiley for your fans."

With a sigh, he let me pull him into the bathroom and then proceeded to tease me about my hair in the morning. Brat!

When we stepped into the hotel lobby, there was just a small group of girls in the lobby. They squealed at the sight of him, and I had to smile. Part of me loved it when other girls thought my boyfriend was hot. His body sagged, and Frank went over to them, talking to them quietly.

"Rachel!" AJ bellowed behind me, and I turned with a smile. "What the hell are you doin' here? Didn't you leave?"

"She couldn't bear to leave my side," Nick yawned, pulling me close to him, and I laughed.

"More like my flight was cancelled, and I was too annoyed to deal with it. Much better to sleep on a tour bus."

"If I had known, we could have stopped at that Waffle House a few exits back! Shall we go now?" AJ teased, and Nick's arm grew heavier on my shoulder. Poor sleepy bunny.

"Nah, I need to put my boyfriend to bed," I told AJ, and he rolled his eyes.

"Wimp."

Frank came over, handing out keys, and we headed for the elevator.

"Nicky?" I asked him quietly, and he blinked at me. "Smile for one picture for those nice girls over there? When you come down again, it'll probably be a mob scene."

I sighed at her. I just wanted to go to bed. I had about two ounces of energy, and I wanted them both to make love to her quietly and then sleep some more. But I could deny her nothing, and I let her go, walking over to the girls in the corner. They were entirely too wide-awake for this hour of the morning, too excited to see me heading towards them. "One picture," I heard Frank say, and I nodded.

"You can have the internet exclusive of how bad I look in the morning," I said, making them giggle. Frank took their camera, and I draped my arms around their shoulders, managing a smile. Not to be outdone, AJ joined us, and I let him talk to them as I escaped to join Rachel at the elevators. "Okay?"

"Thank you," she smiled. "That was entirely self-serving, otherwise I was gonna be the evil one that wouldn't let you say hello to them."

The elevator opened and we stepped on. "No, they like you."

"Not really. Except when we broke up. They were all perfectly happy about that."

"Fuck them," I told her. "They're going to have to get used to you, because we're not breaking up again."

She smiled at me, and I kissed her until Frank whacked me. "Take it in the room, little man."

Gladly. We dropped our bags inside the door, and I pulled her into my arms again, kissing her deeply. "I think I owe you one," she smiled. "I fell asleep last night before I could return the favor."

I shook my head, running my hands underneath her sweater. "I want to make love to you, Rache."

"I could-" she smiled devilishly, but I shook my head again.

"I have limited energy, and I want to be inside you." No foreplay, no teasing, I just wanted to be inside her. I could tell she understood, stepping away from me to pull her sweater off and undoing her jeans. She was naked in front of me, and I sighed, feeling myself harden at just the sight of her.

With a smile, she opened her bag, producing a box of condoms, then turned and walked into the bedroom. When I joined her a moment later after losing my clothes, she was already lying in the middle of the bed, the covers yanked back. Her legs were spread apart, so that I could watch as she traced slow circles around her clit, her hips moving slightly against the mattress. "C'mon, baby, what are you waiting for?" she asked, holding out a condom to me.

I loved this woman. "Oh, let me watch for just a second," I sighed, making her laugh.

"Do you see how much I want you, Nick? You just have to say that you want me, and I'm ready."

That was enough watching. I crawled on top of her, taking the condom and rolling it on as she continued to touch herself. She guided me into her and we both moaned as I slid fully inside. She was so wet. Did I do that? Did I make her this hot, this wanton sex goddess beneath me? She bit down on my shoulder as I quickened my pace.

She pushed me over on my back, and I groaned, looking up at her. Her hair fell in her face as she leaned down to kiss me, smiling against my lips. "Slow down, baby. You can't be that sleepy."

I suddenly wasn't tired at all.

He smiled up at me, reaching up to stroke my face as I slowly ground my hips against his, "You're so beautiful, Rache."

"So are you," I answered truthfully. His eyes were tired and his hair was a mess, but none of that mattered. Even half asleep at this horrible hour of the morning, he was beautiful.

I closed my eyes as he pulled me down to him, his tongue meeting mine… strong and soft all at once. I stopped moving as he kissed me thoroughly, leaving no part of me unexplored, his fingers caressing my back and warming me.

"Weren't we in the middle of something, buttercup?" he teased, running his hands down my arms and then cupping my breasts, his thumbs teasing my nipples and squeezing softly. I felt the blood rush to my head as he touched me, and I started to move against him again.

"God, Nick… don't stop…" I half-pleaded as he raised his hips to meet me, his cock filling me over and over again. "Don't… stop…"

Suddenly I was flat on my back, and he was grinning above me, holding my hands above my head. I arched up off the bed as he leaned down, nuzzling my neck so his little goatee thing tickled my skin. He kissed his way down my arm, stopping to suck on the sensitive flesh inside my elbow. I nearly came off the bed, moaning loudly and wrapping my legs around him, trapping him against me.

"I love the feel of you inside me, Nick," I breathed. I could feel him smile against the inside of my arm. "Perfect…"

"You feel so good, baby. Soft and warm…" His voice trailed off as he continued kissing my arm. He got to my new tattoo, and his breath was hot against my skin, making me writhe against him. "Woman," he sighed as he ran his tongue across my skin, and I felt his touch go through me. Next he bit down on my arm, moaning "strength" as he moved on to the next one, but I couldn't wait any longer. I wanted to feel every inch of him inside me, as far as he could go.

I struggled to free myself, but he didn't put up much of a fight, letting me grab onto his shoulders as he quickened his pace, filling me completely. I couldn't find any words as I concentrated on feeling him inside me. He bent his head to me, sucking hungrily on my breast, and I came hard against him, crying his name as he followed.

He fell beside me, and we caught our breath. But it wasn't long before he was drifting off, his breathing heavy and even as he let me hold him, and I stroked his hair as he fell asleep. I was awake now. He could sleep through anything, but my mind was suddenly racing. Today was our last day together, and my stomach sank as I thought about what the next few weeks would be like. I was avoiding talking to James or checking my messages because I just knew Saffron was adding things in Europe. The single was doing well there, and we'd be dumb not to capitalize on that. But that meant being away from Nick more.

It didn't seem to matter that Nick kept saying he was okay with my career. I knew he was proud of us. I knew he understood that we had to do this. What if we didn't do everything we could and the next album tanked? No. We had our shot, and we had to take it.

But knowing that he understood didn't seem to make my stomachache go away. Or make my mind stop racing.

I didn't want to be jealous and worry that we didn't seem capable of spending time apart. What kind of relationship was that? Been there. Done that. Suddenly I felt like I needed… something. To cry. To scream. To hold him so tight I'd suffocate him.

Maybe I'd been right before and we should have ended this before it got this far. What the hell were we doing, thinking this was forever? I was meeting his family, and he was promising me rings if I'd just ask. Did I want to ask?

I considered his relaxed, sleeping face and felt my stomach tighten again. I didn't know.

Slowly I rolled away from him, and he pulled his legs up to his chest, sighing in his sleep but not waking. As I went into the living room, I grabbed the T-shirt he'd been wearing this morning off the floor and pulled it over my head. I loved stealing his clothes in the morning… being naked underneath the soft cotton and feeling the hem around my thighs as it hung off of me.

As I'd lain there next to him watching him sleep, I realized that I was hearing the opening chords to some song running through my head. I already had a few lines… they'd been haunting me last night as I'd waited around the airport.

he left at dawn
and as I slept I felt him go
returns no more
I will watch the ocean

It was my dad, I knew that much. But it was also that feeling I always had when Nick drifted off to sleep and let me go or we hung up the phone and I was alone again in some strange hotel room. That empty feeling in my chest was how I felt when I missed my dad so much I couldn't breathe. No wonder it always freaked me out so much.

Sitting down on the couch, I hugged my knees to my chest, closing my eyes so I could be surrounded by whatever image was trying to break through. Slowly it came to me… Dad and I sitting on the deck at dawn on that last birthday, watching the sailboat on the dock as it bobbed up and down with the tide coming in over the rocks. Violently, the feeling changed, and I was being awakened at dawn not even a year later to my mother's panicked voice and that horrible news...

The phone rang, and I answered it, glad for something to break the silence. I'd been up all night, plagued by bad dreams and the man lying on the other side of my bed.

"Hello?" Unusual for anyone to call us before 10 AM. It was 8:57, according to my bedside clock.

"Rachel, honey, I'm glad you answered."

"Mom!" Precisely who I wanted to speak to, and I didn't even know it.

It was 4 o'clock in the morning there.

"Mom? Why are you calling me at this hour?"

My heart sank as she hesitated. It was bad news, but bad news was Daddy's job. He always made those calls. "Sweetheart, there's been an accident."

I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed as I felt Damon reach out for me. "No. Mommy, no. Is he okay? Is he in the hospital? What happened?"

"Darling, it was quick." Her voice broke, and I felt my heart shatter. Oh God… no. Not… I thought he was hurt. In the hospital… not… this. "He was coming home, around the bend on the way to the Point, and a drunk driver came out of nowhere."

I didn't scream. Somehow I didn't scream, but I slid out of bed and sat against it, my hand over my mouth, shaking my head back and forth. Mom continued to talk, and I didn't hear a word. It took me about three minutes to realize she was calling my name.

"Rachel. Honey. Sweetie, say something."

Damon's hand was on my shoulder, and I brushed it off, standing up. "I'm coming home. I'll be on the next flight to New York, which I think is in a few hours… are you at the Point or the Vineyard?"

"At the Point. Everyone's here. Call us with your flight time and I'll get one of the boys to pick you up."

"No. James will get me. We'll drive up."

Her voice was quiet, knowing me, knowing I couldn't talk about this. "Alright, darling. Tell us when to expect you."

"I'll call soon. Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"I love you." We ended every conversation with that. Had I said it to Dad when I talked to him last night?

Just last night, he'd been on the phone with me, teasing me about getting a new accent, wondering when I'd be home again.

"I love you, too. And I know you told him that last night when you spoke."

"Thanks, Mommy."

I hung up the phone and just stood there a second, knowing that nothing would ever be the same again. "Rachel, what happened?" Damon's deep voice asked from behind me, and I shook my head, going over to the closet for clothes.

"My father was killed."

Oh god. My daddy was gone. What was I going to do without him? He was there, he had always been there… every time I needed support and love he gave it to me.

Now what?

I felt a sob rip through me as I relived every horrible moment of that morning. Leaving Damon. Sitting in Em's kitchen as she forced me to eat something before taking me to the airport. Holding Lexa in my arms and realizing my own children would never know their grandfather. Sleepwalking through the airport. Finding James at the other end and falling into his arms, finally feeling like I was home.

For the longest time, I'd felt like my life would never be the same. But then I'd slowly started to live again. And now… I couldn't let myself think about it too much. I reminded myself that it'd only been a couple of days since Nick and I gotten back together. Nick and I had a long way to go. Sure, he'd said forever, but… No. Not forever. Not yet.

I rubbed my eyes, taking as deep a breath as I could manage and pulled myself up, finding my acoustic guitar over by my bag and closing the door to the bedroom so I wouldn't wake him. I started strumming the opening chords that I'd heard as I'd lain in bed with him this morning. I stopped and found my lyric notebook and the small photo album that I carried with me in the bottom of my guitar case.

I smiled at Nick's picture. He'd added it to the first page when we'd been in Chicago, after our video shoot and perfect day together. It was a self-portrait he'd taken with Em's Polaroid at some point during the day. I looked at it closely... was that my T-shirt he was wearing? I laughed as I recognized it. It was four sizes too big on me, but it fit him just fine. I'd worn it to bed sometimes...he loved to pull it off my shoulders, kissing my skin as it fell off me. I looked down at the T-shirt I was wearing now and brought the hem up to my face, inhaling his scent. I'd never give his shirts back, either.

I sighed and flipped the album to the next photo, and a miniature me stared back. She was sitting on Daddy's lap on our sailboat, and her eyes were wide, terrified, as she held onto his neck. He was smiling, though, squinting up into the camera. Nick was right… I did have his smile, didn't I?

I had never believed it when they'd told me I was afraid of the water when I was a little girl, but this picture proved it. I could practically feel the wind on my face as Daddy held me tightly, whispering that he wasn't ever going to let me go. That was Dad, always telling me to confront my fears but never more than a step or two behind me in case it got to be too much.

My breath caught in my chest, and I felt another tear slide down my cheek. I missed him so much it hurt. He'd love what we were doing now. He'd like Nick. He'd think he was too young and tell me I'd get my heart broken, but he'd love the way Nick adored me. Nick looked at me like I could do anything. Just like Daddy did.

I looked down at my lyric book and strummed the strings softly. I closed my eyes, whispering the words more than singing them.

my lover's gone
his boots no longer by my door
he left at dawn
and as I slept I felt him go

I shivered as I remembered that night a year ago. Sitting on Damon's bed in the dark in a place so far from home and listening to my mother's words, "Sweetheart, there's been an accident."

returns no more
I will watch the ocean
my lover's gone
no earthly ships will ever
bring him home again

So many times I'd stood on the deck of the Point house and looked to the shoreline for his boat. I'd always known it was silly, but I couldn't help it. It was still too new. I half-expected him to come walking up from the Point, yelling to me that this had all be a cruel joke or terrible mistake.

But it wasn't. And I'd needed to find my way without him.

I had, hadn't I? He'd left me, and the band had pulled me back to earth. They'd let me write angry, sad words. But nothing about Dad. No. I could let myself be angry with Damon and miss him like crazy at the same time, so that's what I'd focused on. Song after song about how Damon broke my heart and left me for the baby I hadn't wanted and couldn't love. I shut my eyes tightly at that memory. No, that particular piece of the story was still too raw to write about.

I pulled the pick down over the guitar strings and listened to the sound, feeling it reverberate against my body. The long notes faded away, and I drew my breath as if I was about to go underwater for a long, long time. I looked back over at the picture and allowed myself to sob. Maybe I could breathe a bit once I stopped crying.

I about jumped out of my skin as Nick put his hand on my shoulder.

"Rache. Oh baby, I'm sorry… I thought you heard me." Her face was completely white like she'd just seen a ghost, eyes bloodshot, looking sore from crying. I grabbed a bunch of tissues off the table next to us, holding them out to her and feeling completely powerless to do anything more.

She mumbled something and took them from me, letting me take the guitar from her. I sat down next to her, pulling her against my body and she held onto me tightly. Looking up at me, she tried to smile, but another tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. I wiped her cheek with the back of my hand, not knowing what to say or do. Did I do this? Before I went to sleep, we'd been okay, right? What had I done to make her this sad?

We didn't say anything for the longest time. She just shut her eyes and leaned her forehead against my chest and let me hold her. Slowly I rocked her back and forth in my arms, pulling her into me and rubbing my hand in a small circle across her back. She sighed, and I could feel her relax a bit as I whispered in her ear, "Rache… I love you, baby. Tell me what's wrong."

She shook her head against me, "I'm sorry. I just miss him so much sometimes."

It was then I noticed her lyric book and photo album lying on the floor. I bent down and picked them up, and she grabbed the photos from me, her hands shaking. "I miss him so much it hurts…"

She bit her lip to keep from crying again, and I pulled her back into my arms. I hated the Dad moods, just hated them. I had no idea what to say or do. James did. He always managed to make her feel better. He'd joke her out of them or share a memory with her, and that'd make her happy again. Or at least less sad.

But I didn't have that.

So I just held her and let her cry for a bit, hoping this would pass. But I knew it wouldn't. This had started last night, before she'd left. And later, on my bus, she'd cried herself to sleep.

"You need to go home, buttercup," I finally said, not believing the words as they came out of my mouth.

She looked up at me, her dark eyes still brimming with tears. "What?"

"You need to go home. I mean, I know you're going tonight… but maybe we should get you on an earlier flight."

I held my breath as she looked into my eyes. The last thing I wanted was for her to leave this room, let alone get on a plane and fly away from me. I wanted another week of this - lying in bed together and laughing as the sun came up and just… never getting enough of each other.

But that wasn't our life. Here was my first test as the new Nick, huh?

"No, bunny. I'll be okay. I'll go tonight and…"

I cut her off, cupping her face in my hands and leaning down to her lips. They were swollen from crying and so soft. She opened to me, her tongue peeking in to taste me, and I felt my stomach quiver at her touch. As we kissed, I felt her breathing steady, and when we pulled away, she managed to smile.

"You're homesick, Rache. You need to go home and see your mom and play with the girls."

"And sleep," she sighed, leaning her head against my chest again.

Smiling, I kissed the top of her head, "Yeah. I'm not doing a good job at letting you sleep, am I?"

She shrugged, "You don't hear me complaining, do you?"

"No. But just the same. Let's call Frank and see if he can find you an earlier flight."

"But…" She leaned back and stopped herself, considering me.

But what? But I don't want to leave you? Every man I truly love leaves me, and I can't handle it again? What if I get on the plane and it crashes, or he gets on his bus tonight and Geoff falls asleep at the wheel…

And what if a plane crashes and blows up my city?

God, I couldn't live like this. I needed to just… live and not worry every moment. I took a deep breath and nodded. "Do we have time for a shower and maybe something else?"

He smiled at me, nodding eagerly. "Of course!"

"You have to let me go, bunny." There was a smile in her voice as she whispered in my ear, her head still resting on my shoulder as I held onto her tightly. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to watch her get out of this car and disappear again.

"No," I heard myself whine, making her laugh.

"But Nick, I need to get up, or I'll miss my flight." I loosened my grip on her, and she moved away a bit, looking up and stroking my face tenderly, "Oh, my touchy boy… I love you, Nick."

Resisting the urge to pull her back into my arms, I settled for holding her hands, "I love you, too, Rache. Call me when you get in?"

"Of course! And maybe from the plane and definitely before I go to bed tonight."

Her voice was teasing, and I smiled at her. We were back to phone sex and not seeing each other. I'd known this would happen, and this was my test. "I'm gonna miss you, Rache. I'm sorry… but… damnit, I hate this!"

"Me, too…" Her voice trailed off, and I kissed her carefully, savoring the feel of her lips against mine and loving the sound of her soft moan, and I breathed her in, my mouth opening to her.

We pulled apart again, and she reached for the door handle. I could see Frank standing outside the car, shifting his weight from foot to foot and trying not to yank the door open and drag her out. I knew she was late. She knew she was late. But still…

"Go, Rache. Kiss the girls and hug your mom, and even pet Bates for me, okay?"

She smiled, eyes bright at the mere mention of her family and home. "I will, Nick. Talk to you tonight?"

I just nodded and let her go, squinting up at her as the bright sun flooded the car. In a second she was out of the car and gone.

Just walk, Rache. One foot in front of the other… see, that's not so bad is it? You can still breathe. The world's still turning. Everything's going to be fine.

I grabbed my boarding pass from Frank and shouldered my bag. He'd already checked the rest of my luggage. I'd gone a little crazy shopping with Jane yesterday. Funny how the simple act of shopping could magically bring all women together.

I was just inside the door when I felt someone touch my shoulder, and suddenly I was encased in Nick's arms as he hugged me tightly. "I'm going to come this weekend."

"What?" I looked up at him. What the hell was he talking about?

"We've got a couple days off - Monday and Tuesday - I'll come to the Point after our show Sunday, and we'll have a couple of days. Is that okay? Can you leave Tuesday night for London?"

I had to laugh at the earnest expression on his face. What? Had all of this just occurred to him?

"Don't laugh at me, Rache! I want to come. Even if it's just for 24 hours, I want to be with you. This is how it'll be different…"

"Oh bunny, you don't have to…"

But I couldn't even finish my sentence. His lips met mine and my heart soared. Oh fuck, who was I to say no? I couldn't deny him anything!

"I want to, Rache," he answered as we broke apart. "You're always coming to see me, and that's wrong. I know that. I have some time, and Lord knows I have the money. Please? Can I come?"

I nodded, and his grin was blinding as he pulled me into one quick last hug before turning me around and pushing me toward the gates.

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