Oreos for Breakfast: Nick BSB Fiction

Oreos for Breakfast - Chapter 23

By
The Paperbag Princess & The Pumpkin Coach

Date: October 14, 2001, 12:31 am
From: Nick
To: Rachel
Subject: I hate that new phone!

Know why I hate that new phone? Because when I call and get voicemail, I don't hear your voice. I hear mine! What was I thinking, setting up your voicemail for you? I know its like 7 in the morning there or something, and you're sleeping, but I'm wide awake and Anna's asleep and I just wanted to hear your voice and I can't.

Did I ever tell you that when we were apart, I'd call your phone all the time just to hear your message? But you probably knew that, because you have caller ID and all. But… yeah. I was a little pathetic.

Ok, a lot pathetic. Anna got annoyed at my emails and set up all these folders for me to put stuff in. She's right, its easier than having a thousand messages in my sent mail box.

Ok, I didn't know I *had* sent mail. I thought it just sent! I didn't know I got a copy! That's pretty cool.

Or not, because then I found all the emails I ever sent you. Yeah, I've got folders now for all my friends and my family, but I really just care about the one called 'Rachel'. (she wouldn't let me name it 'buttercup'!) It's kinda cool. Remember when we first met, and we sent a bunch of emails? And we chatted online that one time. I wish I had that one. Anna told me I had to set that up to save, otherwise it just becomes part of the internet, floating around out there somewhere, and someone very industrious could probably find it, but otherwise its just going to get deleted off of AOL after a certain amount of time. Which is probably better, because we don't need fans or tabloids or anyone finding that.

Anyway, I was just reading all these old emails. I didn't even know about you and Jeremy then! I was much more interested in you and Damon, which is funny, because I know allllll about that now. But there's all these old emails where I'm asking about him, and you're telling me about Lola and Tsar and now that tour is over and you're in the UK and that was the last thing on your mind a few months ago.

It was only July. Three months ago. Almost exactly, those were around July 4th. We weren't even *together* then. There was flirting, and I checked my email like 20 times a day, and I got all excited when you wrote back, but we weren't together. That might have been when I really started to fall in love with you, but you were totally pushing me away.

Or maybe not. You tried to push me away, but if you really wanted to do that, you didn't need to write back to me. I'm irresistible, aren't I? ;->

Well, then I've got these stupid angry emails to you only like a month ago, and then a week after that are pathetic 'I'm so sorry' emails, and even I can read them and go 'idiot, you shouldn't have sent those first ones, then you wouldn't be needing to apologize!'

I told Anna to delete those, and she laughed at me. She told me to read them whenever I got weird about Damon or something else stupid again.

Anna is very smart, isn't she? I'm glad she's here. I convinced her to come to Marathon when you'll be there at the end of the month, she really wants to meet you. Did I ever tell you she's a big fan? She likes Sudden Silence way more than Backstreet, and she's liked you for a long time. Long before I knew who you were.

Anyway… I'm yawning now. Which is good. We've still got a few hours until we get to San Jose, but tomorrow we're off. And there's an amusement park there… Great America or Great Adventure or something like that, we've got a trip there tomorrow night if we want to go. I think we do. Anna likes roller coasters. And she's never done this stuff with me, amusement parks open just for us and the cool hotels and all. I think she's having fun.

Love you, buttercup. I get to see you in less than a week! I know its only for a few hours, but that's okay. Miss you. Call me later. Let's see… its… 8 hours different there. So its about 9 in the morning. And you're in Bournemouth tonight, wherever the hell that is. How was Birmingham? I got your voicemails, but I was doing press and then I tried to call you before the show, but that was 4 am your time and you must have been sleeping. 8 hours is a big difference. Its hard to find a time when we're both free.

On Tuesday, we're both off. I'm not even traveling, we're staying in San Jose after the show. Because you know where we are after that? Bakersfield! Bakersfield sucks! Well, except for the fact that we had crazy sex to my stupid song there. ;->

So, speaking of sex, we need a phone date for Tuesday. I'll be free. You pick a time. Anna leaves that morning, her flight's at noon or something, because she has an early class Wednesday. So anytime after noon… which is 8 at night for you!

Maybe I'll kick her out early.

Love you. I really have to sleep. I'm rambling.

Nick

Did I mention that I love you?

Date: October 14, 2001, 12:05 pm
From: Rachel
To: Nick
Subject: Yay, email!

What a treat, bunny! Really! I got your message, but I wasn't going to call, because its ungodly early there, and I knew you should be asleep on your tourbus like a good pop star, so here I am at an internet café in Bournemouth and I have a beautiful long email from you! ;->

What a nice way to spend my couple of free hours. Really. The boys are off doing stuff, and I'm meeting Em for a drink in a couple of hours- Alex's family lives here, and they come up most Sundays for a visit, so Em wanted to come and see the show- but I just wanted to catch up on home. Bournemouth is a seaside town, and there's a college here, hence why we're playing. Alex tells me its very busy in the summer, and the college keeps it active the rest of the year, but it's not that exciting. He tells great stories of wandering the streets just looking for something to do as a kid, and it reminds me of home.

Anyway, I was just wandering around the shops here and found this place and I can get lunch and check my email! Isn't that cool? There are internet cafes everywhere here, not everyone has home access like we do. And since we're not doing hotels for the next couple of days, and if they don't have home access, there is certainly not satellite tour bus access, I must resort to cafes!

Okay, can you tell I haven't talked to anyone for a couple of hours? Not that I mind. Close quarters and all. The only person I really want to talk to right now is you.

We need to come to England sometime, Nick. I love it here. A lot of my time here was bad, but that was Damon's fault, not England's. I fucking love London. I think it's my favorite city in the world. Well, New York. But New York is just home. For a city to travel to, it's London. Have you ever been to London when you weren't working? Have you seen any of it? Have you ever ridden the Tube? Did you tour around in a double decker tour bus? I fucking love our tour bus! We sleep on the top deck and the bottom is all lounging around space. It's even got a full sized shower, and we hooked up to some weird water supply at the venue. Kick ass. We need one of these in the States.

Ooh, lunch! Egg salad sandwich. I don't know what they do to the egg salad here, but it's amazing. And tuna cucumber. That's Em's favorite. Okay, let me go to your email…

>>>Know why I hate that new phone? Because when I call and get voicemail, I don't hear your voice. I hear mine! What was I thinking, setting up your voicemail for you? I know its like 7 in the morning there or something, and you're sleeping, but I'm wide awake and Anna's asleep and I just wanted to hear your voice and I can't.>>>

Oh, sweetie, you crack me up. I love you for setting up my voicemail, because this phone is confusing! I have mastered the picture part. As have all the boys. I'll send you some with this email.

But call now. I think I fixed it.

>>>Did I ever tell you that when we were apart, I'd call your phone all the time just to hear your message? But you probably knew that, because you have caller ID and all. But… yeah. I was a little pathetic.>>

You mean you called my phone beyond when you left pathetic messages? I liked the songs. I wanted to keep those. Well, they're still on my voicemail at home, I guess. I didn't deactivate that account yet.

>>>Ok, a lot pathetic. Anna got annoyed at my emails and set up all these folders for me to put stuff in. She's right, its easier than having a thousand messages in my sent mail box. >>

What do you use? Outlook? Eudora?

>>>Ok, I didn't know I *had* sent mail. I thought it just sent! I didn't know I got a copy! That's pretty cool.>>>

::snicker:: you are so cute! I love that it saves outgoing emails, because I can't throw anything away. James has all my notes from high school, thank god.

>>>Or not, because then I found all the emails I ever sent you. Yeah, I've got folders now for all my friends and my family, but I really just care about the one called 'Rachel'. >>>

Awww…

>>>(she wouldn't let me name it 'buttercup'!) >>>

I have a 'bunny' folder. If anyone steals my computer, they won't know be able to find your emails!

>>>It's kinda cool. Remember when we first met, and we sent a bunch of emails? And we chatted online that one time. I wish I had that one. Anna told me I had to set that up to save, otherwise it just becomes part of the internet, floating around out there somewhere, and someone very industrious could probably find it, but otherwise its just going to get deleted off of AOL after a certain amount of time. Which is probably better, because we don't need fans or tabloids or anyone finding that.>>

I have it! It's on my laptop, which is on the bus. I'll send it to you next time I get a real internet connection. Which is… Dublin, I think. No hotels for the next couple of days. Thank god I like my bed on the bus!

>>>Anyway, I was just reading all these old emails. I didn't even know about you and Jeremy then!>>>

I was very freaked when I realized you didn't know. I thought it was such common knowledge.

>>>I was much more interested in you and Damon, which is funny. >>>

Well, that got a lot of press. I know why you got freaked out about that the other day, but… it's like the fans think Anna's your new girlfriend! One picture and people have to make up the story behind it. It was… nice to see him. I guess. We were very civil to one another. Better than at the VMAs, when he was such an ass. He apologized for that. Did I tell you? Yeah, I told you every detail, didn't I?

>>>But there's all these old emails where I'm asking about him, and you're telling me about Lola and Tsar and now that tour is over and you're in the UK and that was the last thing on your mind a few months ago.>>>

Wow, you're right. In July, EMI sorta talked about it, but didn't want to spend the money, and now we've got a new video and this fancy ass tour bus and first class flights all over Europe. It's so fucking weird.

>>>It was only July. Three months ago. Almost exactly, those were around July 4th.>>

And you played softball and broke up with Tiffani. I remember. :->

>>>We weren't even *together* then. There was flirting, and I checked my email like 20 times a day, and I got all excited when you wrote back, but we weren't together. That might have been when I really started to fall in love with you, but you were totally pushing me away.>>>

Oh, bunny… you are so sweet. You know that? I love this email. It's making me melt. And I know what you mean about being all excited, I was so stupidly happy when I saw your name in my inbox. I saved it. I wrote to my family, and read stuff from a couple friends, but didn't answer them, then I read yours. Saved the best for last, and I'm so glad I did.

You just made my day. Really. I doubt we'll get a chance to talk, because in a couple of hours, I lose my life again, but this is almost like talking.

>>>Or maybe not. You tried to push me away, but if you really wanted to do that, you didn't need to write back to me. I'm irresistible, aren't I? :-) >>>

You are! You write great emails. They're funny and sweet and you ask all these questions that just cannot be left unanswered! I had to write back!

>>>Well, then I've got these stupid angry emails to you only like a month ago, and then a week after that are pathetic 'I'm so sorry' emails, and even I can read them and go 'idiot, you shouldn't have sent those first ones, then you wouldn't be needing to apologize!'>>>

No. The first ones were fine. That's why I came out to visit you, remember? And everything fell apart… but I did that because of the emails, partially. You're allowed to be angry with me, Nick. I was being a crappy girlfriend a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't just that I didn't have time. I was using my time badly. Well, there was Jeremy's dad being there… that wasn't bad. I would have rather been talking to you, but I can see how you felt about that. When we're together again, I'll tell you about Jeremy and his dad. Your mom scares me a little, but I can handle anything after the Nolans!

>>>I told Anna to delete those, and she laughed at me. She told me to read them whenever I got weird about Damon or something else stupid again.

Anna is very smart, isn't she?>>>

Yes, Anna may be my new best friend! But tell her I kept your emails for the same reason. When I don't call you back, I need to remember those.

>>>I'm glad she's here.>>>

I am, too. Even if she is your new girlfriend! ;->

>>>I convinced her to come to Marathon when you'll be there at the end of the month, she really wants to meet you. Did I ever tell you she's a big fan? She likes Sudden Silence way more than Backstreet, and she's liked you for a long time. Long before I knew who you were.>>>

Yay! Tell her I can't wait to meet her!

Hey, how far are you from Key West? James said Key West is cool at Halloween. Could we go there? I know we're supposed to be doing family bonding… maybe everyone could go? Or, oh, maybe you and me and Aaron? I know he's the favorite! Would that make him like me a little more?

>>>Anyway… I'm yawning now. Which is good.>>>

Yes! You wrote after your show, when you should have been sleeping!

>>>We've still got a few hours until we get to San Jose, but tomorrow we're off.>>>

Lucky you! I'm meeting Em at 2, and then have to be at the venue at 3 for soundcheck and press and a bunch of crap. Show tonight- did I tell you about our opener? Met them in Birmingham last night. They're called the Lollies, it's two girls and a guy, they are very good. They need to turn up their vocals, because they write some great lyrics. But I digress. Travel after the show to Brighton, then we drive down to London to catch a flight to Dublin and we're there for a day off. I sorta wanted to stay in London, but James is right. I've done London, and I've never done Dublin. James and I came to London the summer before our junior year in college, and we were going to do Dublin and Edinburgh and everything else, but we couldn't leave London! We had too much to do.

>>>And there's an amusement park there… Great America or Great Adventure or something like that, we've got a trip there tomorrow night if we want to go. I think we do. Anna likes roller coasters. And she's never done this stuff with me, amusement parks open just for us and the cool hotels and all. I think she's having fun.>>>

I'm sure she is. Hell, baby, I've never done the after hours amusement park thing. Its San Jose, tho, are there any nice hotels there? Get her a massage, at least. Hell, I'll pay for a spa day for her. She deserves it, for taking care of you!

>>>Love you, buttercup. I get to see you in less than a week! I know its only for a few hours, but that's okay. Miss you.>>>

It's seriously only a couple of hours. We meet in NYC in the morning, and we're doing a ton of press for the show- I'm sure you are, too. Then we leave immediately after our set. I need a schedule. If you're on after us, I'll miss you!

>>>Call me later. Let's see… its… 8 hours different there. So its about 9 in the morning. And you're in Bournemouth tonight, wherever the hell that is.>>>

I'll try to call… maybe around 5 here? I think that's our dinner break. 9 there? Maybe you'll just be getting into the hotel and be a little awake.

>>>How was Birmingham?>>>

Cool. Good crowd, and they liked the Lollies, so it was a good opener. I feel like British crowds are… quieter. Not as much screaming. But I think they still liked us? London was a fucking raucous show. And Birmingham is the birthplace of Duran! We had to pay homage, and we did 'Secret Oktober' *and* like half of 'I Don't Want Your Love'. We refuse to do the singles. Well, IDWYL was a single. But it wasn't a hit.

>>>I got your voicemails, but I was doing press and then I tried to call you before the show, but that was 4 am your time and you must have been sleeping. 8 hours is a big difference. Its hard to find a time when we're both free.>>>

It is. Especially when I'm never free!

>>>On Tuesday, we're both off. I'm not even traveling, we're staying in San Jose after the show. Because you know where we are after that? Bakersfield! Bakersfield sucks! Well, except for the fact that we had crazy sex to my stupid song there. :-) >>>

oh, yeah… Bakersfield rocks! Well, with you. ;->

>>>So, speaking of sex, we need a phone date for Tuesday. I'll be free. You pick a time. Anna leaves that morning, her flight's at noon or something, because she has an early class Wednesday. So anytime after noon… which is 8 at night for you!

Maybe I'll kick her out early.>>>

No, don't. Let's make it 1 your time, 9 mine. That way I can see some of Dublin, and make it an early night and fall asleep on the phone with you. I'll make sure the phone is well charged and we'll talk for hours.

I promise I'll be there. I have nothing to do that day. All the Irish press is the day after.

>>>Love you. I really have to sleep. I'm rambling.>>>

I love you rambling!

>>>Did I mention that I love you?>>>

Yes. A few times, and I'm quite sure people here are wondering why I am grinning so stupidly at my egg salad sandwich. Which I really haven't eaten, because I've been typing. So I'm going to go now and eat my lunch and read the Sunday paper and think of you.

Love you so much.

Rachel

Date: October 15, 2001, 2:14 am
From: Nick
To: Rachel
Subject: Re: Yay, email!

Are you still sleeping? Or is your phone not working? It's 10 in the morning there, I thought I might catch you. Did you say you were doing morning radio?

Whatever. I got to hear your voice! I like that! :-) And sorry I couldn't really talk when you called tonight. We'd just gotten to the park and were trying to figure out where to go, and I didn't want to leave Anna stranded… not that she really was. Howie was taking care of her. Howie and Anna, what do you think of that? Well, if Leigh wasn't around. I like Leigh. She wasn't there tonight, she had a headache and stayed at the hotel. So Howie and Anna and I hung out. Leighanne's back, so Brian's off limits. ::rolling eyes:: At least AJ and Sarah are fun!

Like the :: thing? Anna taught me that. Anna spends way too much time online. She made me promise to write her email after she leaves tomorrow. I don't know why I never brought her on tour with me before. Well… I do. She doesn't like to go out to clubs and drink and stuff, and Vinnie and Tony do, so I'd have them with me. But it's been fun, hanging out with Anna.

Did I tell you she found my song for you? I was playing around with it a little this morning when we first got to the hotel, then I crashed, and she went for her massage- which I paid for, but told her it was your idea, and she loves you even more now- and when she came back, the lyrics were out on the coffee table in the livingroom. I woke up because she was playing it.

It was… weird. You're right. It became something else. It wasn't just ours anymore, it was a song. Anna changed some stuff, and it was good, and an hour later, it was done. Not that it'll ever be on a BSB record, but… it's a song now, Rache. I don't think I've ever done that before. I'll play it for you when I see you again. Or maybe day after tomorrow, on the phone?

1 in the afternoon my time. Phone date on Tuesday. I am so there. I'll get Anna to the airport and then I am all yours.

Shit, Rache. I'm hard just thinking about your voice in my ear. I know we're going to be working next weekend, but we have got to find a broom closet or something, because I can't wait to touch you. Tuesday will be good, but its not the same.

But. Anyway. I have to stop thinking of that, huh? I'm okay with phone sex, but I think email sex might be too much for me. I need two hands to type!

>> What a treat, bunny! Really! I just got up and got your message, but I wasn't going to call, because its ungodly early there, and I knew you should be asleep on your tourbus like a good pop star, so here I am at an internet café in Bournemouth and I have a beautiful long email from you! ;->

It's just an email, Rache. Really. Although I was really happy to get your reply, so I guess I understand. :-)

>> What a nice way to spend my couple of free hours. Really. The boys are off doing stuff, and I'm meeting Em for a drink in a couple of hours- Alex's family lives here, and they come up most Sundays for a visit, so Em wanted to come and see the show- but I just wanted to catch up on home. Bournemouth is a seaside town, and there's a college here, hence why we're playing. Alex tells me its very busy in the summer, and the college keeps it active the rest of the year, but it's not that exciting. He tells great stories of wandering the streets just looking for something to do as a kid, and it reminds me of home.

Is that why Alex always tells amazing stories? He's ridiculously smart, it must be from being so close to the college, huh? I've only met him a couple of times, but I never know what to say to him. He sorta has an attitude, doesn't he? Like he knows he's smarter than anyone else in the room. Don't tell Em I said that, or she won't do our video!

She's doing our video, did she tell you? I know, I know, you probably convinced her to do it, didn't you? Kevin is very excited.

>> Anyway, I was just wandering around the shops here and found this place and I can get lunch and check my email! Isn't that cool? There are internet cafes everywhere here, not everyone has home access like we do. And since we're not doing hotels for the next couple of days, and if they don't have home access, there is certainly not satellite tour bus access, I must resort to cafes!

Are you okay? I know how you like to check your email! Wonder if you'll get a chance to check email again before tomorrow?

>> Okay, can you tell I haven't talked to anyone for a couple of hours? Not that I mind. Close quarters and all. The only person I really want to talk to right now is you.

Yeah… Anna's great. But she's not you.

>> We need to come to England sometime, Nick.

OK!

>> I love it here. A lot of my time here was bad, but that was Damon's fault, not England's.

I don't like him. Have I told you that?

>> I fucking love London. I think it's my favorite city in the world.

I don't know if I have a favorite city… I like Stockholm. We spent a lot of time there. Have you ever been there? I know you're not going there on this tour, or I would have hooked you up with Max.

>> Well, New York. But New York is just home. For a city to travel to, it's London. Have you ever been to London when you weren't working? Have you seen any of it? Have you ever ridden the Tube? Did you tour around in a double decker tour bus?

Um… no, not really, definitely not and yes. We did some tours of stuff, but that wasn't really 'seeing' London. Usually it was the inside of studios and hotel rooms. Not public transportation. I've never really done public transportation anywhere in the world.

>> I fucking love our tour bus! We sleep on the top deck and the bottom is all lounging around space. It's even got a full sized shower, and we hooked up to some weird water supply at the venue. Kick ass. We need one of these in the States.

Why can't we get those in the States? We had one of those on one of the first tours of Europe, we took it everywhere. All five of us and Johnny. It was okay in the beginning, but I was really sick of it after a couple of months.

>> Ooh, lunch! Egg salad sandwich. I don't know what they do to the egg salad here, but it's amazing. And tuna cucumber. That's Em's favorite. Okay, let me go to your email…

I'm scared of British sandwiches. They're everywhere! How old are those things?

>> Oh, sweetie, you crack me up. I love you for setting up my voicemail, because this phone is confusing! I have mastered the picture part. As have all the boys. I'll send you some with this email.

Million dollar phone, and I get pictures of your feet! I want pictures when we're on the phone Tuesday!

>> But call now. I think I fixed it.

Does anyone else know you as 'buttercup'? That might be confusing to other people calling you!

>> You mean you called my phone beyond when you left pathetic messages? I liked the songs. I wanted to keep those. Well, they're still on my voicemail at home, I guess. I didn't deactivate that account yet.

Oh, please! Deactivate that account!

>> What do you use? Outlook? Eudora?

For email? I don't know! I hit the email picture. It just says 'Nick'. Um… Outlook. Yeah.

>> ::snicker:: you are so cute! I love that it saves outgoing emails, because I can't throw anything away. James has all my notes from high school, thank god.

I want to read those!

>> I have a 'bunny' folder. If anyone steals my computer, they won't know be able to find your emails!

Or they'll figure it out and then the whole world will know you call me 'bunny'!

>> I have it! It's on my laptop, which is on the bus. I'll send it to you next time I get a real internet connection. Which is… Dublin, I think.

Really? You kept that chat? I really want to see it!

>> No hotels for the next couple of days. Thank god I like my bed on the bus!

Do you have a bunk or a real bed? Probably a bunk, right?

>>>Anyway, I was just reading all these old emails. I didn't even know about you and Jeremy then!>>>

>> I was very freaked when I realized you didn't know. I thought it was such common knowledge.

Your old fan sites didn't get too much into your personal life. But they do now! Why was everyone cracking up about your shoes in London?

>> Don't. I know why you did, but… it's like the fans think Anna's your new girlfriend! One picture and people have to make up the story behind it. It was… nice to see him. I guess. We were very civil to one another. Better than at the VMAs, when he was such an ass. He apologized for that. Did I tell you? Yeah, I told you every detail, didn't I?

Yeah, you told me every detail the last time we talked for real. I know I kept you up too late that night, I'm sorry… I just… thanks for talking to me about that.

>> Wow, you're right. In July, EMI sorta talked about it, but didn't want to spend the money, and now we've got a new video and this fancy ass tour bus and first class flights all over Europe. It's so fucking weird.

You deserve all of it. The single comes out tomorrow there, right? Well, Monday. Today, now!

>>>It was only July. Three months ago. Almost exactly, those were around July 4th.>>>

>> And you played softball and broke up with Tiffani. I remember. :->

Poor Tiffani. I keep forgetting about her. I should call her and see how she's doing.

>> Oh, bunny… you are so sweet. You know that? I love this email. It's making me melt. And I know what you mean about being all excited, I was so stupidly happy when I saw your name in my inbox. I saved it. I wrote to my family, and read stuff from a couple friends, but didn't answer them, then I read yours. Saved the best for last, and I'm so glad I did.

We got back about half an hour ago, and Anna went to bed… well, her light is still on. She might be checking email, too. But I read your email before we left, but I was running late, and couldn't answer it, so all night, I've been thinking about what to say to you. So as soon as we got back, I was in here on the computer.

>> You just made my day. Really. I doubt we'll get a chance to talk, because in a couple of hours, I lose my life again, but this is almost like talking.

It's better than rushed conversations when we're both on our way to things. We need to remember this, even when we're in the same time zone. Okay?

>> You are! You write great emails. They're funny and sweet and you ask all these questions that just cannot be left unanswered! I had to write back!

Good!

>> No. The first ones were fine. That's why I came out to visit you, remember? And everything fell apart… but I did that because of the emails, partially. You're allowed to be angry with me, Nick. I was being a crappy girlfriend a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't just that I didn't have time. I was using my time badly.

Yeah… but… you weren't that bad. I could have been more understanding.

>> Well, there was Jeremy's dad being there… that wasn't bad. I would have rather been talking to you, but I can see how you felt about that. When we're together again, I'll tell you about Jeremy and his dad. Your mom scares me a little, but I can handle anything after the Nolans!

How bad are they? We never really talked about that. I didn't really think about it, you know? It was just one more time you picked Jeremy over me, but maybe there was a reason?

>> Yes, Anna may be my new best friend! But tell her I kept your emails for the same reason. When I don't call you back, I need to remember those.

They say you learn from your mistakes, right?

>> am, too. Even if she is your new girlfriend! ;->

She might be Howie's now!

>>>I convinced her to come to Marathon when you'll be there at the end of the month, she really wants to meet you. Did I ever tell you she's a big fan? She likes Sudden Silence way more than Backstreet, and she's liked you for a long time. Long before I knew who you were.>>>

>> Yay! Tell her I can't wait to meet her!

I did. She's going to show up and you two are going to run off and laugh about me and I won't see you at all, will I?

>> Hey, how far are you from Key West? James said Key West is cool at Halloween. Could we go there?

Sure! We're not far- maybe a couple of hours if we take the boat. Less by car, but the boat's more fun!

>> I know we're supposed to be doing family bonding… maybe everyone could go? Or, oh, maybe you and me and Aaron? I know he's the favorite! Would that make him like me a little more?

He doesn't hate you, Rache. Really. He just… needs to get to know you. He's my little brother, eventually he likes everything I do!

>> Lucky you! I'm meeting Em at 2, and then have to be at the venue at 3 for soundcheck and press and a bunch of crap. Show tonight- did I tell you about our opener? Met them in Birmingham last night. They're called the Lollies, it's two girls and a guy, they are very good. They need to turn up their vocals, because they write some great lyrics. But I digress.

They sound cool. Do they have a CD?

>> Travel after the show to Brighton, then we drive down to London to catch a flight to Dublin and we're there for a day off. I sorta wanted to stay in London, but James is right. I've done London, and I've never done Dublin. James and I came to London the summer before our junior year in college, and we were going to do Dublin and Edinburgh and everything else, but we couldn't leave London! We had too much to do.

What is there to do in London? History stuff?

>> It's seriously only a couple of hours. We meet in NYC in the morning, and we're doing a ton of press for the show- I'm sure you are, too. Then we leave immediately after our set. I need a schedule. If you're on after us, I'll miss you!

I think we're on early in the set. You have more of a NYC connection than we do! Did you hear the Who is playing? Dude! The WHO!

>> Cool. Good crowd, and they liked the Lollies, so it was a good opener. I feel like British crowds are… quieter. Not as much screaming.

They scream even louder than Americans if you're a boy band!

>> But I think they still liked us?

Of course they liked you!

>> London was a fucking raucous show. And Birmingham is the birthplace of Duran! We had to pay homage, and we did 'Secret Oktober' *and* like half of 'I Don't Want Your Love'. We refuse to do the singles. Well, IDWYL was a single. But it wasn't a hit.

Did you tell Nick Rhodes that when you met him?

>>>On Tuesday, we're both off. I'm not even traveling, we're staying in San Jose after the show. Because you know where we are after that? Bakersfield! Bakersfield sucks! Well, except for the fact that we had crazy sex to my stupid song there. :-) >>>

>> oh, yeah… Bakersfield rocks! Well, with you. ;->

Yeah… might need to play that song when we're on the phone Tuesday.

>> No, don't. Let's make it 1 your time, 9 mine. That way I can see some of Dublin, and make it an early night and fall asleep on the phone with you. I'll make sure the phone is well charged and we'll talk for hours.

>> I promise I'll be there. I have nothing to do that day. All the Irish press is the day after.

I can't wait. Really. I miss you. Just talking to you.

Okay, and the sex. I definitely miss that. :-) At least when we were in the same country, we'd do the phone sex thing. Are you thinking of any good stories? You promised me threesome stories a while ago…

>>>Love you. I really have to sleep. I'm rambling.>>>

>> I love you rambling!

Good, because I do it a lot!

>> Yes. A few times, and I'm quite sure people here are wondering why I am grinning so stupidly at my egg salad sandwich. Which I really haven't eaten, because I've been typing. So I'm going to go now and eat my lunch and read the Sunday paper and think of you.

Egg salad and the Sunday paper makes you think of me? I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not…

>> Love you so much.

So much.

Why is this okay, Rache? A few weeks ago we were in the same country and I freaked out when I couldn't get you on the phone. Now I've talked you for about 15 minutes in the last couple of days and I'm… okay. I miss you, but… I can't explain. I'm… calmer? Something. Maybe its just that I know you're so far away, I can't freak out. But a month ago, when I thought about you being in Europe, I couldn't breathe.

Dunno. I should stop thinking and go to bed. Love you.

Nick

Date: October 15, 2001, 3:22 pm
From: Rachel
To: Nick
Subject: This time tomorrow…

Okay, this time tomorrow I'll be in Dublin, thinking about calling you. But, close to when I can call, right? ;-> You'd better be sleeping, its only 8 there and you were writing to me at 1 in the morning, and you have a show tonight. You need to be rested for your fans!

I have internet access here at the venue! Isn't that cool? And I didn't forget, I attached the chat we did months and months ago when we told each other all sorts of secrets. I remember that night. Maybe that was when I started to fall in love with you. That was where 'wanton sex goddess' comes from. Remember that?

>>>Are you still sleeping? Or is your phone not working? It's 10 in the morning there, I thought I might catch you. Did you say you were doing morning radio? >>>

Morning radio today, yes. English DJ's are just as bad as American. Great…

>>>Whatever. I got to hear your voice! I like that! :-) >>>

I thought the 'buttercup' thing would amuse you!

>>>And sorry I couldn't really talk when you called tonight. We'd just gotten to the park and were trying to figure out where to go, and I didn't want to leave Anna stranded… >>>

of course not! I understand, ya know. I wasn't mad. Maybe a little disappointed that I didn't get to talk to you. It was a good show. And you know how I get after a good show.

>>>not that she really was. Howie was taking care of her. Howie and Anna, what do you think of that? Well, if Leigh wasn't around. I like Leigh. >>>

I like Leigh, too. And I bet Anna can do better than a boybander.

::ducking::

>>>She wasn't there tonight, she had a headache and stayed at the hotel. So Howie and Anna and I hung out. Leighanne's back, so Brian's off limits. ::rolling eyes:: At least AJ and Sarah are fun! >>>

Have I ever mentioned that I don't like Leighanne much? I don't think you do, either. Sarah's very nice, once you get past the breasts. Did Kevin not come with you guys to the amusement park? Ride any good roller coasters?

>>>Like the :: thing? Anna taught me that. >>>

Because obviously you don't notice when I do it!

>>>Anna spends way too much time online. >>>

Does she? We can bond. Not that I've had time for much more than email lately, but…

>>>She made me promise to write her email after she leaves tomorrow. I don't know why I never brought her on tour with me before. Well… I do. She doesn't like to go out to clubs and drink and stuff, and Vinnie and Tony do, so I'd have them with me. But it's been fun, hanging out with Anna.>>>

So, next tour when you're bored, I'm sending you Anna!

>>>Did I tell you she found my song for you? I was playing around with it a little this morning when we first got to the hotel, then I crashed, and she went for her massage- which I paid for, but told her it was your idea, and she loves you even more now- and when she came back, the lyrics were out on the coffee table in the livingroom. I woke up because she was playing it.>>>

Ooh! I guess she liked it! I told you it was good, and that wasn't just because you wrote it for me!

>>>It was… weird. You're right. It became something else. It wasn't just ours anymore, it was a song. Anna changed some stuff, and it was good, and an hour later, it was done. Not that it'll ever be on a BSB record, but… it's a song now, Rache. I don't think I've ever done that before. I'll play it for you when I see you again. Or maybe day after tomorrow, on the phone? >>>

Tomorrow. Please! I can't wait! What did Anna add? Did you tell her it was for me? Or did you just tell her it was a song?

>>>1 in the afternoon my time. Phone date on Tuesday. I am so there. I'll get Anna to the airport and then I am all yours.>>>

Be back in your room by 12:30. Something will be waiting for you.

>>>Shit, Rache. I'm hard just thinking about your voice in my ear. I know we're going to be working next weekend, but we have got to find a broom closet or something, because I can't wait to touch you. Tuesday will be good, but its not the same.>>>

No, its not the same. I'm always lonely afterwards. But… it'll still be good. I have plans.

>>>But. Anyway. I have to stop thinking of that, huh? I'm okay with phone sex, but I think email sex might be too much for me. I need two hands to type!>>>

Yeah, you can get away with one hand. But I really need one hand inside me and the other touching my clit. Or pinching my nipples. Which one do you want me to do, Nicky? I'd rather have your mouth on my nipples, sucking them while you slam your cock inside my cunt, but I guess I can't get that tomorrow. Damn. I have the phone camera. Should I send you pictures?

>> What a treat, bunny! Really! I just got up and got your message, but I wasn't going to call, because its ungodly early there, and I knew you should be asleep on your tourbus like a good pop star, so here I am at an internet café in Bournemouth and I have a beautiful long email from you! ;->

>>>It's just an email, Rache. Really. Although I was really happy to get your reply, so I guess I understand. :-) >>>

Its not 'just' an email, bunny! It's a love letter!

>>>Is that why Alex always tells amazing stories? He's ridiculously smart, it must be from being so close to the college, huh? I've only met him a couple of times, but I never know what to say to him. He sorta has an attitude, doesn't he? Like he knows he's smarter than anyone else in the room. Don't tell Em I said that, or she won't do our video!>>>

I won't tell. Alex so scared me at first, too. Remember, we opened for Blur, and they were bigger and cooler than we could ever hope to be. And, Alex… so hot and so pretentious. He loves Graham, tho, Blur's guitarist, and Graham liked me, so Alex liked me, and then Em came on tour… how can you not love Em?

If you think Alex has an attitude, you need to see him talking to Lexa. He is such a softie. I'd seen him with Em, hell, I was at their wedding, and I see how much he adores her and would do anything for her… but that is nothing compared to him with his little girl. I think babies turn most men to mush. Like Damon and Missy… I can deal with that now. It's okay that Damon and I aren't together, because he could never love anyone else as much as he loves that kid. And isn't that great? Don't all kids deserve to be adored like that? I'm a big girl, and my Daddy adored me that way, so I don't need anyone else to do it. I could step out of Damon's life so that he could have room for her.

And, damn, that's enough heavy thinking for this afternoon!

>>>She's doing our video, did she tell you? I know, I know, you probably convinced her to do it, didn't you? Kevin is very excited.>>>

I didn't convince her. I swear! She just told me she was doing the reshoot, she'd already made up her mind! She likes that you only have a day. She works well under pressure.

>> I love it here. A lot of my time here was bad, but that was Damon's fault, not England's.

>>>I don't like him. Have I told you that? >>>

Yes, and I love that you don't like him. ;->

>>>I don't know if I have a favorite city… I like Stockholm. We spent a lot of time there. Have you ever been there? I know you're not going there on this tour, or I would have hooked you up with Max. >>>

Max? Would that be the famous Max Martin? If I met him, could I learn the secret of hooks and perfect melodies?

>>>Um… no, not really, definitely not and yes. We did some tours of stuff, but that wasn't really 'seeing' London. Usually it was the inside of studios and hotel rooms. No>>>

That is such a fucking sin!

>>>t public transportation. I've never really done public transportation anywhere in the world.>>>

Another sin! I am taking you on the NYC subway when we are there this coming weekend!

>>>Why can't we get those in the States? We had one of those on one of the first tours of Europe, we took it everywhere. All five of us and Johnny. It was okay in the beginning, but I was really sick of it after a couple of months.>>>

I imagine it smelled less than pleasant. ;-> The boys have me, and my handy dandy incense burner, so it always smells nice.

>> Ooh, lunch! Egg salad sandwich. I don't know what they do to the egg salad here, but it's amazing. And tuna cucumber. That's Em's favorite. Okay, let me go to your email…

>>>I'm scared of British sandwiches. They're everywhere! How old are those things? >>>

Ubiquitous plastic sandwich triangles, Em says. And I probably spelled that wrong. Yes, they are everywhere. Pret is the best, but other places are okay. They're all fresh. They have dates on them, and I never see one that's more than a day old. Don't buy those. The mayo makes the bread mushy, and I hate that.

>>>Million dollar phone, and I get pictures of your feet! I want pictures when we're on the phone Tuesday!>>>

I'll see what I can do about that.

>>>Does anyone else know you as 'buttercup'? That might be confusing to other people calling you! >>>

Hmm… good point. But only my family and band have the number, so screw 'em.

>> You mean you called my phone beyond when you left pathetic messages? I liked the songs. I wanted to keep those. Well, they're still on my voicemail at home, I guess. I didn't deactivate that account yet.

>> >Oh, please! Deactivate that account!>>>

HA!

>>>For email? I don't know! I hit the email picture. It just says 'Nick'. Um… Outlook. Yeah. >>>

::rolling eyes:: Anna told you Outlook is really prone to viruses, right?

>> ::snicker:: you are so cute! I love that it saves outgoing emails, because I can't throw anything away. James has all my notes from high school, thank god.

>>>I want to read those!>>>

I have his, too. We keep saying we'll put them all together and read them someday.

>> I have a 'bunny' folder. If anyone steals my computer, they won't know be able to find your emails!

>>>Or they'll figure it out and then the whole world will know you call me 'bunny'! >>>

Do you find that embarrassing or something, bunny?

>>>Do you have a bunk or a real bed? Probably a bunk, right? >>>

Bunk. But its wider than the one on our real bus. Six inches makes a difference! It would still be cramped with you there… but I'd be willing to deal.

>>>Your old fan sites didn't get too much into your personal life. But they do now! Why was everyone cracking up about your shoes in London? >>

Because I was being clever. Blur has a song called 'Trimm Trabb,' which is about a certain Adidas trainer. Well, its about more than that, but… I just got a pair that day in London, and wore them onstage, and we did the riff from that track.

But what no one else knows is that I did that as a dig against Damon, because I wanted a pair of Trimm Trabs when I lived with him in London and he told me they were stupid shoes, so I never bought them. Then he wrote a song about them! And I bet he doesn't even remember telling me not to get them.

I bought some the other day. They're sweet. I bought you a pair, too. They should be in with the stuff you're getting tomorrow. (Don't worry, that's not the only thing. But now you'll understand why I bought you trainers!)

>> Don't. I know why you did, but… it's like the fans think Anna's your new girlfriend! One picture and people have to make up the story behind it. It was… nice to see him. I guess. We were very civil to one another. Better than at the VMAs, when he was such an ass. He apologized for that. Did I tell you? Yeah, I told you every detail, didn't I?

>>>Yeah, you told me every detail the last time we talked for real. I know I kept you up too late that night, I'm sorry… I just… thanks for talking to me about that. >>>

Thank you, Nick! Really! I had all these demons I needed to get off my chest, and you listened. Not many boyfriends would listen to their girlfriends complain about their ex's. I promise it won't happen again. I feel better about him. I'm glad I saw him.

>>>You deserve all of it. The single comes out tomorrow there, right? Well, Monday. Today, now!>>>

Out today! We've already gotten some numbers, can you believe it? Flying out of the stores, they say. Looks to be in the top five.

::happy dance::

>>>Poor Tiffani. I keep forgetting about her. I should call her and see how she's doing.>>>

I sorta doubt she's pining for you. You weren't very nice to her, honey. You were chasing me when you were supposed to be with her. Girls don't like that.

>>>We got back about half an hour ago, and Anna went to bed… well, her light is still on. She might be checking email, too. But I read your email before we left, but I was running late, and couldn't answer it, so all night, I've been thinking about what to say to you. So as soon as we got back, I was in here on the computer.>>>

You are so sweet! I'm lucky, I just now got to check my email. I answered you first, because I wanted to make sure you knew to expect some presents tomorrow. I have to go in a few minutes.

>>>It's better than rushed conversations when we're both on our way to things. We need to remember this, even when we're in the same time zone. Okay? >>>

Definitely! And then we have old emails to read when we're missing each other!

>> No. The first ones were fine. That's why I came out to visit you, remember? And everything fell apart… but I did that because of the emails, partially. You're allowed to be angry with me, Nick. I was being a crappy girlfriend a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't just that I didn't have time. I was using my time badly.

>>>Yeah… but… you weren't that bad. I could have been more understanding.>>>

We both fucked up. Some of us more than others. ::meaningful look:: But we're good now.

>>>How bad are they? We never really talked about that. I didn't really think about it, you know? It was just one more time you picked Jeremy over me, but maybe there was a reason? >>>

Definitely a reason, and I definitely don't have time to go into it. Next time we… well, after the tours are over. When we're in Florida, lying around your mansion, drinking champagne. ;->

>>>I did. She's going to show up and you two are going to run off and laugh about me and I won't see you at all, will I? >>>

Totally!

>>>Sure! We're not far- maybe a couple of hours if we take the boat. Less by car, but the boat's more fun! >>>

Oh, Key West, then! James and I went there once. He found a good fare one of the times J and I were broken up, and we stayed at some cheap hotel and drank a lot. It is a very cool town.

>>> He doesn't hate you, Rache. Really. He just… needs to get to know you. He's my little brother, eventually he likes everything I do!>>>

Good point!

>> They're called the Lollies, it's two girls and a guy, they are very good. They need to turn up their vocals, because they write some great lyrics. But I digress.

>>>They sound cool. Do they have a CD? >>>

Also in the box arriving tomorrow. But don't play them while we're on the phone. Play… something else. I wanted to make you a cd, but I didn't have time!

>>>What is there to do in London? History stuff?>>>

So much, bunny! History and the theatre and the Tate and just being in London. You'll see. We'll find a couple of weeks and stay in a swanky hotel and see everything. Would you sit through Shakespeare for me?

>>>I think we're on early in the set. You have more of a NYC connection than we do! Did you hear the Who is playing? Dude! The WHO!>>>

Dude! David freaking Bowie is opening the show! Darien is running around saying that Bowie is opening for us. Which is a lie, but it sounds good.

>>>They scream even louder than Americans if you're a boy band!>>>

Yes, they do love their boy bands here. But not so much you. They love Blue and 5ive and Boyzone. James and I are very into 5ive right now. I love the pretentious way they spell their name!

>> London was a fucking raucous show. And Birmingham is the birthplace of Duran! We had to pay homage, and we did 'Secret Oktober' *and* like half of 'I Don't Want Your Love'. We refuse to do the singles. Well, IDWYL was a single. But it wasn't a hit.

>>>Did you tell Nick Rhodes that when you met him? >>>

Did I tell you that James cried? Seriously, he worked himself into a state. They hit it off, tho, and it was great in the end.

>>>On Tuesday, we're both off. I'm not even traveling, we're staying in San Jose after the show. Because you know where we are after that? Bakersfield! Bakersfield sucks! Well, except for the fact that we had crazy sex to my stupid song there. :-) >>>

>> oh, yeah… Bakersfield rocks! Well, with you. ;->

>>>Yeah… might need to play that song when we're on the phone Tuesday.>>>

Is it scary that that song really turns me on? Okay, yeah. That's scary.

>>> Okay, and the sex. I definitely miss that. :-) At least when we were in the same country, we'd do the phone sex thing. Are you thinking of any good stories? You promised me threesome stories a while ago… >>>

You want threesome stories? I'll change Jeremy to you. But I'm not telling you about Jasmine. Well… she was hot. That was the first time we ever did that. She knew what she was doing, but I had no idea.

>>> Egg salad and the Sunday paper makes you think of me? I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not…>>>

Everything makes me think of you, bunny.

>>> Why is this okay, Rache? A few weeks ago we were in the same country and I freaked out when I couldn't get you on the phone. Now I've talked you for about 15 minutes in the last couple of days and I'm… okay. I miss you, but… I can't explain. I'm… calmer? Something. Maybe its just that I know you're so far away, I can't freak out. But a month ago, when I thought about you being in Europe, I couldn't breathe.>>>

Because we're better than we were a month ago. It all blew up, but we put it back together. Its far from perfect, but its better. I trust you. The worst happened and I now I know you won't do that again. You're not going out every night and getting drunk and stupid. You're hanging out and writing songs with Anna. That is so cool, bunny! I can't wait to hear it tomorrow.

Love you. Counting the hours.

Rachel

Date: October 15, 2001, 4:44 pm
From: Nick
To: Rachel
Subject: I hate you.

YOU ARE SUCH A TEASE.

How am I supposed to wait until TOMORROW???

Answer your phone!

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