Oreos for Breakfast: Nick BSB Fiction

Oreos for Breakfast - Chapter 24

By
The Paperbag Princess & The Pumpkin Coach

NOTE: The visual A.D.I.D.A.S. precedes Chapter 24

We were almost in the bathroom when a cell phone rang, and we stopped kissing, looking around for it. I knew that ring. It was mine.

"Ignore it," he pleaded, leaning down to kiss me again, but I stepped away reluctantly.

"No… it's nearly noon, bunny. We have to work now."

He pouted down at me, but we both knew I was right. Nick and the boys had to be at the venue at 2, but I hadn't even checked my schedule. We'd just gotten into the room and had more sex before sleeping for a couple of hours.

It had been a nice few hours, but now we had to work again. Just another week, and then we'd be together for something like a month. I couldn't wait… but we had to get through this first.

The phone stopped ringing, and we looked over at the desk where I'd thrown it. "Maybe it's just your mom or something," he tried, sounding so hopeful.

Walking away from him, I checked my missed calls display. "James," I informed him, shaking my head. I was probably late for something. "You shower, sweetie, and I'll be right there."

He kissed me first. "Tell him I don't have to be there until two. That's two more hours! Two and a half!"

"I'm not as cool as you. We probably have to soundcheck now and I've missed it. Now, go shower," I said, pushing him towards the bathroom. "You're way too distracting, standing there all naked."

He wiggled his eyebrows at me with a leer. "That's the idea, baby."

I rolled my eyes and turned away. "But then I remember you smell. Shower!"

I ignored his grumbling as I hit redial, and I heard the water start just as James picked up. "Rachel?"

"Am I late for something?"

"No… not exactly."

He sounded strange, and I sat down on the bed, worried. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

"I… we…" He sighed. "Darien and Jeremy and I got in about an hour ago, and since we've got to be at the venue by two, we decided sleeping was a bad idea."

"And?"

"For some reason, coming to Ground Zero seemed like a really good idea then."

Oh. Oh…

"Where are you now?"

"A coffee shop about two blocks away. It was…" He sounded like he was going to cry. No. His voice was shaky, but he wasn't going to cry. It was shock, more than anything.

"Are the guys with you?"

"Yeah. Darien's flirting with the girl behind the counter and Jeremy went to the bathroom. I just… wanted to see if you'd gotten in okay. Was the boy toy pleased to see you last night?"

He was trying to change the subject, but I wasn't sure that I wanted to. "Yeah, I made his day. Are you okay, James?"

"I don't know, Rachel. It's… it's gone. It's one thing to see it on TV, but nothing on TV is real, is it? And even when we were here before, there was a hole in the skyline, and that was weird, but… it's gone," he finished in a whisper.

"Are there people there?"

"There are people everywhere. It's like a fucking tourist attraction. They're selling T-shirts!"

"T-shirts?" The outrage in my voice matched his.

"It's not an event to be celebrated. I mean, we're selling T-shirts, but I'm pretty sure these guys are not donating all the proceeds to the Red Cross."

"Yeah, I doubt that…"

"Is that Rachel?" I heard Darien ask, and James must have nodded. "Let me talk to her."

"D wants to talk to you, Rache." He handed the phone over, and I heard Darien. "Hey, babe. Where are you?"

"Here." Normally, I would tease him that I was staying at one of the most exclusive hotels in the city. But I didn't feel like joking.

"You should see this, Rache. Really. It's…"

I cut him off. "That's a good idea. Will you guys still be there?" It was time for me to see it. I'd avoided it for too long.

"Dunno. We just got coffee. How long will it take you?"

"Um… 45 minutes? I need to shower, and I'll jump the subway."

"Nicky coming with?"

Would he? Did he want to see this? He wasn't a New Yorker. Could he understand? Or was this one of those times when everyone was a New Yorker?

"I'll see. Where are you guys? The place with the good pickles?"

He hesitated before answering. "Blown out, Rache."

I heard myself gasp. Our favorite deli was gone? James and I would go there all the time and buy sandwiches to take to Michael when we visited him at lunch. I hadn't even thought about our deli. It was a block away from the World Trade Center. I had just assumed that it was fine. Even though I did know that the destruction extended farther than just the Towers, I hadn't really considered what that meant…

"Yeah," Darien said quietly. "That freaked me out, too. Call James when you get off the subway, and we'll see where we are."

"See you soon."

She joined me in the shower, and I grinned at her. "When do you have to be there?"

"Two." I started to pull her towards me, but something on her face stopped me. "I think I want to see Ground Zero first. Will you go with me?"

I just looked at her for a second. She wanted to go where? She wanted to go to where the World Trade Center used to be? Why?

"You don't have to. I understand if you don't. I've avoided it for a while. But… the guys are there, and James sounded really upset and…"

I pulled her into my arms, letting the water wash over us. "I'll go with you. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah," she said, nodding against me. "I think I need to." Looking up at me, she gave me a weak smile. "My boys are all freaked out. I need to get into their mood, ya know?"

I kissed her quickly. "Should I try to get my band to go? Then we can all put on very depressing performances tonight."

She laughed. "No, I think one depressed member of Backstreet might be enough. I just… I need to. I need to see what's there before I perform for all those people tonight. I've just been thinking of this as another gig on my schedule, but it's more important than that."

I switched places with her, placing her directly under the water. "I'm clean. Want me to wash your hair?"

She nodded at me, but her face was still sad. Just a few minutes ago, she'd been fine. We'd been happy and joking and normal, just avoiding work.

But she was right. This wasn't work. This was much more important. Hell, we were performing on the same stage as Nsync tomorrow. That had to mean the end of the world was coming, right?

Or had the world ended and we'd all just gone on, ignoring it?

"What are you thinking about, bunny?" Rachel asked quietly, and I shook my head, finding the shampoo.

"Do you think the world ended?" She leaned towards me as I started massaging the shampoo into her scalp.

"No. That will happen tomorrow, when you and Nsync share a stage."

She could read my mind, couldn't she? "I was just thinking that."

"I know. But… no. On September 11th, I sorta thought the world was ending. I think that was the plan. But Americans are pretty stubborn, so we didn't let it happen. I think everything is changed, though. It's never going to be the same again. I mean… the World Trade Center isn't going to come back."

"Yeah…" I agreed, having her lean back so that I could rinse the soap from her hair. "I don't know that I ever saw it when it was there."

"No?" she questioned, opening her eyes to look at me.

"It's not exactly where the rock stars hang out. Maybe…" I considered for second. Certainly I'd driven by it or something.

"We were there a lot. Seems like we always knew someone who was working at the restaurant on top or just in the building. Sometimes I think of all those people - are all those businesses closed now?"

I just looked down at her, concentrating on rinsing her hair. "I don't know. Some of them, I think." I'd never really paid attention to any of it. Was that bad? I should probably, like, try to watch the news or something, shouldn't I?

She leaned down, turning off the water and hugging me for a moment, but I didn't want to let her go. She was fine with that, just letting me hold her until I felt her shiver. "It's cold, Nicky."

I was about to make some crude joke about warming her up, but thought better of it. Instead, I just kissed her quickly before we got dressed.

She was quiet, but managed to joke with me a little about what we should wear so we wouldn't be recognized on the subway. "Jeans three sizes too big should do the trick," she said, shaking her head as I fastened my belt.

"They're comfortable!" I whined.

"You have such a nice ass, sweetie."

"I'm saving it just for you," I teased, pulling her close for a kiss as she giggled at me. "I think you should do the same thing."

She grinned up at me. "I can't. This ass has sold half a million records. Contractual obligations."

"Not when we're on the subway!"

"Especially on the subway, baby," she asserted, stepping away from me. "Are we ready?"

"Ready," I answered, stepping in my shoes and grabbing a ball cap.

"Money for the subway?" she prompted, her hand on the doorknob. Right. I whirled around and found my wallet.

"Okay, now I'm ready." She ushered me out, taking my hand as we started towards the elevator.

"Excited about your first trip on the subway, bunny? An adventure for my sheltered pop star?"

"Shut up!" I whined. I was not that sheltered. I'd just never had areason to ride the subway before.

"Subway?" A deep voice said behind us, and we both stopped walking. Damn Frank. "Where are you going?"

"Just down to Ground Zero to meet Rachel's band," I answered as Rachel pushed the elevator call button.

"No, you aren't!"

Shit. I didn't want to fight with him about this. "I have time. I'll be at the venue at two, don't worry."

"Nick, you aren't going alone."

"It's not a big deal, Frank. I promise he won't get mobbed on the subway!" Rachel laughed. "He's got the magic ball cap and everything."

"Very funny. I'll call a car. Everyone's staying her, and there's a mob of people outside. No way are you walking out there. Either of you."

He glared at Rachel, and I could feel her stiffen slightly. When we'd come in there hadn't been anyone outside. Of course, it'd been early, I guess. There were windows next to the elevator bank, and I looked out. Damn. There was a mob out there. I'd forgotten this was the hotel for all the acts who were going to be at the show tonight.

Rachel stood next to me and sighed. "Damnit," she muttered.

Frank was already on his phone, and I heard him click off. "Ten minutes, kids. Don't go anywhere while I get my jacket."

He went into his room, and Rachel and I exchanged a look. "Should we make a break for it?" she whispered, and I giggled.

"We might be attacked by rabid Who fans."

"I mean, with the Who and Bon Jovi and Paul McCartney and Elton John, who the hell cares about us?"

"We're nobodies," I agreed. Hell, I was shocked we'd been asked to be on the bill. Who the hell were we? At least Sudden Silence had credibility.

Giggling, Rachel whacked the elevator button again, but then Frank's door opened. "I knew I couldn't trust you."

"Aw, c'mon, Frankie," Rachel pleaded. Should I tell her now that calling him 'Frankie' wouldn't help? "There are real rock stars here. Who cares about us?"

Frank held open the elevator door for us and motioned her inside. Pouting, she pulled me on with her. "The five girls in Sudden Silence t-shirts who have the boys on their jeans."

She gave him a perplexed look, and I had to kiss her. I loved that look, especially when it wasn't aimed at me. Frank rolled his eyes at her. "One girl for each boy. They use iron-ons or pins or something. I don't pay that close attention to the technology. But they're out there, right next to the door. You're not sneaking by them. You'll be glad I'm here in a minute."

Twenty minutes later, I was glad that Frank was there. The hotel had been a mob scene and Ground Zero was worse. Not that anyone bothered or recognized us here, but it was swarming with people as we stood on the viewing stand and stared at… nothing.

Rachel was quiet as we stood there, just staring out at it and not touching each other, not saying anything. I could hear people around us crying and talking. Glancing back at Frank, I saw him wipe his eyes, and I looked away quickly, swallowing around the lump in my throat as I remembered that morning.

My heart beat quicker in my chest, and I heard Aaron's voice in my head, young and terrified that he'd lost Mom and Dad. He was too young to have been going through that alone. I should have been with him, or Mom, or Dad, or someone. What the hell was he doing all alone in New York? Why hadn't someone stayed with him? My blood boiled, and I clenched my fists just thinking about it.

Someone bumped into me and I glared at her, and then I felt Frank's hand on my shoulder. Fuck. I had to stop this. Biting my lip, I looked over at Rachel. She was still just standing there, a blank look on her face. She wasn't crying or anything, and I touched her shoulder gently.

Suddenly, she was clinging to me. I didn't hear anything, but I felt her trembling against my chest. It was one of those silent sobs where you are so upset you can't even make a sound. God, I wished I could cry like that right now. It might help get some of these thoughts out of my head. I felt tears escaping my eyes, as I stood there helpless. I held onto her tighter, as if that would help.

"Oh, God," she whispered, and I leaned down to hear her better. "It's just gone, Nicky. That's dumb, I know… but… " She turned her head, looking over the fence. "James and I used to sit right there… I think that's it…"

She turned around, looking at the buildings around us and shook her head. "Our favorite deli is gone, and there used to be a cute little second-hand store up that road there." She pointed across the street where there was still police tape and what looked like half a building.

I didn't know what to say, so I pulled her back to me, taking comfort in the feel of her body against mine. I wanted to say that everything was okay, but that was a lie. I knew it wasn't. Being here just reminded me how much our lives had changed over the last few months… as a nation and just as people. We were going to Japan next month. Was that okay? Should we not be doing that? Did they hate us, too? And Rachel just got back from Europe… and was going back tonight. What if someone hijacked her plane?

"Were you scared in Europe, Rache?"

Nick's voice interrupted my thoughts as I tried to figure out where that store had been. Without the buildings and markers it was, in some strange way, as if I'd never been here before. "What do you mean?"

I felt him shrug against my back, and I turned to face him, "I was just thinking… we're going to Japan next month. Should we do that? What if they hate us like these guys did? A few months ago we all felt safe, but now… Should we be traveling? Saffron should have cancelled your European dates!"

Suddenly there was anger in his eyes, and he had his cell phone out and was calling someone. What the hell?

"Nicky?" He held up a hand to me, but I grabbed his phone, turning it off. "What are you doing?"

"Saffron shouldn't be making you go back to Europe. It's not safe!"

"It's fine, bunny. Believe me, there's more security there than there is here - even now! We're safe."

I could see him calm down as my words sank in, and then he pulled me back into him. "I can't lose you, Rache."

His voice broke, and I felt it in my chest. "Oh, baby, you aren't." Right? Yeah, it was going to be okay. It had to be. I felt his cheek against mine as he leaned down to me. His face was wet with tears, and my heart broke for him. For all of us.

"I have to find James," I whispered, and he nodded against me. James had just been here. Who was letting him cry and telling him everything was going to be okay? All right, not that James was a crier… but still…

I looked up, and someone handed me a tissue. Frank! I'd forgotten he was even here. His eyes were bloodshot, and I wiped my eyes quickly before grabbing his hand in mine. He smiled at me gratefully, and I pulled him a little closer. We just trusted Frank to take care of us, but it looked like right now Frank needed someone to hold his hand.

We stood there for a long moment, the three of us somehow connected, until slowly the rest of the world came back into focus and I was aware of people outside of our little trio. I'd told the boys to wait for me, hadn't I?

I pulled away from Nick and tried to smile up at him as I wiped his eyes. "I think I need to leave now."

He nodded eagerly, and the next thing I knew Frank was leading us through all the people. I called James, and he told me they'd moved to a coffee shop near Madison Square Garden. I didn't blame them for leaving. I felt like a wimp, but I wanted to be away from this sad disaster now. I told Frank we should head for the venue and then noticed a guy to my side holding out a bunch of t-shirts. "Just $20. Remember the World Trade Center," he called into the crowd of people.

What the hell? Was this one of those vendors James had told me about? Without a second thought, I whirled around on him. "How fucking dare you! Making a buck on this tragedy! You should be ashamed! Did you even know anyone who worked there?"

I could feel Frank coming closer to me, but I didn't care. This guy was a lowlife, and all these people were letting him get away with it.

"Rachel," Nick's voice was in my ear, and I felt him holding onto my arm tightly, "Calm down, baby."

"I don't care, Nick!" I spat, pulling away from him and marching over to the guy, "This guy should not be allowed to make money off of other people's tragedies like this!"

"Fuck you," the guy responded, "I used to work here. My company went bankrupt."

I stopped my tirade and looked at him. He smirked at me, and I started apologizing before he could lay into me. Fuck. Next thing I knew, I'd bought shirts for everyone I knew as the guy told us his story. He'd been a salesman with one of the smaller companies located in the North Tower. His wife had just had a baby, and she'd had to go back to work even though she wanted to stay home with their child because he couldn't find a job. His buddy started selling shirts to raise money for the victim's families, and so he was helping.

I felt about two inches tall as he told me his story and people who'd heard my stupid rant stopped to listen. Frank said something to the guy as we left, and Nick shook his hand, handing him whatever cash he had in his wallet.

"I feel like such a fool," I sighed as we got back into the car.

"Don't, Rache," Nick soothed, putting an arm around my shoulder. I snuggled up to him, wanting to just disappear. "You were angry. Believe me, I understand."

"Yeah, what was all that about me not going back to Europe? And who were you calling?"

He blushed and looked out the window, "Nothing."

"Nicky…" I taunted him, and Frank laughed.

"If I know him, he was calling Saffron to demand you never tour again."

"Shut up!" Nick yelled, throwing an empty water bottle at Frank. He deflected it, and we all laughed. "Something like that… I just… I was thinking about Aaron and how he had to be here alone and how scared he was that day. It got to me."

"You can't protect everyone all of the time, dude." Frank's words cut through my giggles. "Believe me, I know. You never know what threat is gonna be real until..."

We both just looked at Frank for a moment. Wow. That was Frank's life, wasn't it? Worrying that someone might hurt my boyfriend or one of the boys? I'd never really thought of Frank in that way before. Sure, he was Nick's guard, and he made sure we got from point A to point B without being too hassled. But I'd never considered that there was a real reason for him to be around.

"Threats?"

Frank shrugged at me and glanced out the window, "Don't worry."

"We were just there, man, and now you say not to worry! What aren't we worrying about?" Nick demanded, his back stiffening.

"Nothing, Nick." Frank's voice was very even and controlled, and I felt my pulse quicken. Was there something we needed to be worried about? "You know if there's a credible threat, we tell you. Most of the time it's just a little girl who's getting a little too wrapped up in the fantasy."

"But you just said you didn't know when threats were real," I questioned.

"Well, you have a good idea. You do this long enough, and you can tell the obsessed girls from the real nutters."

He knew that'd make me smile. That's what Blur's bodyguards used to call the obsessed fans… the 'nutters'.

"Remember that dude that was in Atlanta a few times?" Nick laughed. He was trying to lighten the mood. I could tell, "There was this guy, Rache… see, they aren't all girls! Anyway, he freaked all the guards out because he kept getting to our floor."

"He was like an escape artist! I don't know how many times we had him kicked out of the hotel. He kept showing up with an ice bucket, claiming he was just searching for the ice machine."

"Like me?" I batted my eyelashes, and even Frank cracked a smile.

"I knew you weren't a credible threat, darlin'!"

"Could have fooled me! You were all 'get your drink and leave,' trying to keep AJ and Nick in the room. You were very intimidating, Frank."

Frank laughed at that, "Well, I know you a little bit better now, Rachel. It's my job to be intimidating."

"But you're really a softie, aren't you?"

Nick snorted with laughter, "Oops… sorry, but Frank as a 'softie,' you gotta admit, that's pretty funny!"

"Ha fuckin' ha… I'll let you guard yourself tonight, punkass. See how far you get without me to intimidate your adoring public."

Frank and Nick went on talking, and I just listened, resting my head on Nick's chest. He smelled like my shampoo and shaving cream. I loved that.

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