Oreos for Breakfast: Chapter 28

Oreos For Breakfast: Chapter 28
By the Paperbag Princess and Pumpkin Coach

He looked better. A couple of hours of sleep had erased that tense look on his face. Maybe it would come back once he woke up, but right now, he looked relaxed and peaceful.

The sun came in through the open windows, and I rolled over, trying to avoid it. I’d woken up to go to the bathroom, but when I'd come back to bed, I couldn’t fall asleep again. I was exhausted, but my mind was spinning, and I couldn’t get it to turn off.

I knew what it was. Now that we’d dealt with the immediate issues surrounding Nick’s arrest, I should check in with my band. My cell phone had been off since I'd gotten on the plane. But I was so tired…

The clock next to the bed told me it was 4:18. It was probably better that I get up now anyway, or I’d never be able to sleep tonight, and then I’d be all screwed up.

I rolled out of bed and pulled on one of Nick’s t-shirts and pajama bottoms from my bag. We’d fallen asleep naked, but we hadn’t even had sex. We hadn’t had sex in the New Year yet.

Okay, it was only two days old. That was still pretty strange, since we’d actually been together most of that time. Yesterday we were going to…

Alright, that was the other thing that was keeping me from sleeping. Nick and I still hadn’t talked about the Nsync tour. That was definitely something I wanted to do only once he’d gotten plenty of sleep, but…

What if he was still really mad? What if he wanted me to not go? What if he was serious about packing it all in and moving to the Keys? Part of me really liked that idea, because I did not want to check my voicemail. I could just call James and tell him I was retiring.

And then James would hate me, for ruining his band. Okay, not an option. Nice to think about for a bit, though. As much as 2001 had been amazing, it had also been just… so tiring. They never tell you about that in those Behind the Music specials. It all just looks like fun — well, fun and infighting. Jeremy and I held that over each other’s heads all the time… if you don’t be nice to me, I’m going to tell Behind the Music everything. Was this going to be one of those times? Definitely not calling Jeremy.

I took a deep breath and pulled my phone out of my bag, going downstairs so Nick wouldn’t have to hear Jeremy screaming at me on the messages. As soon as I turned it on, it started beeping at me, telling me I had 8 voicemails. Had something happened?

If something big had happened, they could have called Nick. James had his number, and his phone had been on.

Message number one is… Saffron, telling me we had an 11 o’clock at the Firm’s offices. Great.

Jeremy, telling me the same thing.

James, telling me the same thing, but he’d take care of it.

Jeremy again, telling me I was irresponsible and spoiled and a bunch of other things that I didn’t listen to.

Vanessa, telling me that Katie had gotten home okay and that I might want to avoid my brother for a few days. But then I heard Katie giggling in the background, so I assumed everything was going to be okay. Evidently, Aaron’s stupid kiss hadn't started World War III in the Connor household.

Saffron, telling me it was under control, but I should call her when I got a chance.

James, telling me Jeremy was an asshole, but nothing happened at the meeting, so it wasn’t a big deal that I wasn’t there.

Mom, saying hi and asking about Nick. Guess it had hit the press. I smiled as I heard mom saying that the cops were ‘stupid’ because Nick would never hurt anyone. She was too cute.

I sat on the couch, staring at the phone in my hand and considering my options. James? Jeremy? Saffron?

James wasn’t answering, and neither was Saffron. Damnit.

I was hungry. I’d find something to eat and then try James again. That wasn’t the coward’s way out or anything. The water for macaroni and cheese was boiling when my phone rang, and I checked caller ID before answering.

"Saffron!"

"Hello, darling. How’s Nick? Ken’s busting his ass for that kid!"

"Nick’s fine. He’s sleeping right now. It was a long night."

She laughed. "Sounds like it. Good of you to go down there and help him out. He’s not that good with the details, is he?"

I smiled to myself. "He gets a little overwhelmed. So, I didn’t ruin my life by coming down here? My career’s not over and they didn’t kick me out of the band?"

"No! Totally not. I was a little worried when the lawyers called and wanted me to round you guys up, but it was no biggie."

I sat down at the kitchen table, biting my lip, afraid of what she was going to say. But James had said it was no big deal. He wouldn’t lie to me, would he? "What happened?"

"EMI came back to us. With nothing."

"What do you mean?"

"They said the British re-lease doesn’t count, because it only has two new tracks on it. And one of those is a cover." We’d added ‘Peace, Love and Understanding’ at the last minute. That counted! Duran did a whole album of cover songs, and I’m sure they got full credit from their record company for it!

"Are they right?"

"No," she said with a snort. "They just wanted to see if they could intimidate you. Like, we were going to say ‘oh, okay then.’ Who do they think they’re dealing with?"

"A nothing band who had one freak hit."

"You have two huge hits, and the Christmas song did great. You’ve got an AMA nod, and with Grammy nods still to come. And you’ve got me!"

I had to smile at her assertion of that last fact.

"They don’t know who they’re dealing with now. We told them to shove it up their ass."

"Saffron, did you use those words?" I tried to sound chastising, but she just laughed.

"Those exact words, yes. I imagine the lawyers changed it a little when they went back to them. EMI shot themselves in the foot, because now it’s easy for us to wait until we get the Grammy nominations."

"But…"

She cut me off. "If you don’t get one, we lose nothing. If you do, we’ve got huge bargaining power. They don’t want that nod to go to another label! It’s cool, Rachel. You stay in Tampa and take care of Nick."

"Should I come back for the nominations?"

"Nah. If you get one, I’ll put one of the boys out there to do the press. If EMI makes an offer that day, we’ll do a conference call. Nick have a fax machine there?"

"Somewhere… I’ll find the number and call you back."

"Great. I’ll let you get back to the boy. It sunny there?"

"Yes. It’s about 75 degrees, and we have all the windows open."

"On second thought, return immediately."

"No," I told her, and she laughed before hanging up. Armed with this new information, I felt like I could call Jeremy back. Avoiding him only made it worse. I knew that from experience.

"Tell me you're on a plane back to New York."

"Nice to talk to you, too, Jeremy. Why yes, the weather is lovely in Tampa." I dumped the macaroni into the now boiling water and went to look for milk. We'd gotten milk at the grocery store today, right?

"Don't give me that shit. What the fuck are you doing? You can't just fuck off to Florida every time Nick gets into trouble, Rachel!"

Yay! We had milk. And butter. Guess I'd been pretty coherent in the grocery store. I'd been so tired that I could barely remember being there . Twinkies. Why did I buy Twinkies?

"You say that like he gets arrested every day, J. It was a pretty big deal, and I came here to help him out a little."

"Help him out? What the fuck? What happened to helping the band? We have got shit going on here, Rachel! What if EMI had come back to us with an offer?"

"But they didn't. I just got off the phone with Saffron, and she said it was nothing."

"But what if they had?"

"We live in the twenty-first century. I have a cell phone, Jeremy." I put the milk and butter on the counter and gave the macaroni a stir. Wasn't ready yet. I was starving. Maybe one of those Twinkies would be good…

"And it wasn't on all day! I know because I've called you about 50 times!"

"James has Nick's number. You could have gotten me." I loved being calm while Jeremy freaked out. It just made him more insane. Now that we weren't dating, it was sorta funny.

What was that? I opened my eyes, wincing at the light and burrowed back under the covers, reaching out for Rachel. I loved that as soon as she was in my house, I could feel her here. I could smell her body lotion as I inhaled deeply. But no Rachel?

That was the noise. She was talking to someone on the phone. At least I assumed it was the phone, since no one was answering her. Either she was on the phone, or she'd finally lost it.

Damnit. We didn’t have to go back to the outside world now did we? We hadn’t even had a chance to have make up sex or anything. Were we making up, or was I still mad at her?

The question made my head hurt. Or maybe that was just my hangover.

She’d come all this way to take care of me. I couldn’t still be mad at her, could I? Part of me wanted to be. I was serious about that retiring thing. I’d do it in a heartbeat. My solo stuff wasn’t that good, and who knows what my band wanted to do now? We weren’t even all going to the AMAs next week. They'd said something about meeting in February to discuss… something. I wasn’t even sure what.

Brian had been pretty adamant about wanting a break. He and Leighanne were trying to have a kid, and a new album next year would screw that all up. Maybe we could all just retire for a few years. Rachel and I could move down to Key West, maybe get a place in New York City, too, so she could see James.

Who was I kidding? Rachel would never leave the band. It meant too much to her. Besides, she was sort of right. This was their big break, wasn’t it?

The image of Rachel on stage with Nsync flashed through my head, and I shut my eyes tight against it. No. Not happening. She couldn’t be doing this to me, could she? She said she loved me! Loving me meant that she had to believe in me and not run off with my arch rivals.

Her soft laugh floated up from downstairs, giving me the energy to stop obsessing about my stupid fears and push back the covers. The warm breeze was nice, and I slipped out of bed, reaching for the T-shirt I’d thrown on the floor, but it was gone. Smiling, I pulled on my pajama bottoms. Quick pit stop in the bathroom, and then we’d talk. Or maybe we could skip the talking and go straight to make up sex? We hadn't had sex yet in 2002. That was fucked up.

Her voice got louder, and I went over to the window. When I leaned out, I could see her on the deck below me licking the cream out of a Twinkie. Dude, she knew how to get a guy worked up.

"Well, Jeremy, you really let me down, so fuck off."

Jeremy? She sounded aggravated, too. I pulled my head back in so she wouldn't see me and stood there, listening.

I mean, I didn't want to distract her from fighting with Jeremy. That would be rude. She could finish her fight, and then I'd go downstairs. But I wouldn't know if she'd finished her fight unless I listened to it, right?

"You let me down because I was counting on you to turn down this Nsync tour. I couldn't do it, because then it would be all about Nick, and I'd be the emotional girl, and I didn't want to deal with that. But you just went along with it! What the fuck happened there?"

She didn’t want to do the Nsync tour? That was good, right? At least she'd thought of me. Not that being with me should keep her from doing things that were good for her career… was this actually good for her career? It killed me to even think that.

"I know," she said, and I leaned closer to the window, since her voice was softer now. "I'm shocked you agree, but I know. What happened to Mr. Indie Cred, J?"

Jeremy actually wanted to do this tour? He hated Backstreet. Was he a secret Nsync fan and I didn't know about it? That wouldn't surprise me. He'd do anything to piss me off. Maybe that's why he said yes, just to annoy me.

Rachel laughed below me. "You're just doing it to piss Nick off, aren't you?"

Even Rachel thought that!

"Of course not," she said, her voice serious again. "I know. And I know all the reasons to do it. But I don't want to lose Nick over this. I don't want to have to choose between the band and him."

I wasn't... she.. she didn't think that I'd leave, did she?

Why wouldn't she? I already had. But that was just…

I started to run downstairs, but then I remembered I still had to pee. Damnit. But I didn't want her to tell Jeremy she couldn't do this tour until we talked about it. I didn't want her to pass up an opportunity just because of me. I hated this tour, but it probably was a good move for them.

Two minutes later, I was on the porch with her. She smiled when she saw me. "Nick's up, Jeremy. I'm gonna go. Call me if anything else happens and I'll talk to you about… that other thing later."

That was the tour, right? So she hadn't said definitely 'no' or anything. Good. Closing her cell phone, she came towards me with a smile. "Did I wake you up, bunny?"

"No. Kinda. I won't leave you if you do the Nsync tour, Rache. Really."

She stopped, obviously surprised by what I'd said, and then she smiled. "Were you eavesdropping?"

"No. Sorta. I didn't mean to. But I could hear you, and…"

Taking my hand, she led me back inside. "I made macaroni and cheese."

I loved this woman. How could I let her go just because she was opening for a band I hated? I didn't even hate them, really. And I never considered letting her go. I was just mad. I didn't even want to be mad at her anymore.

"Can we have pizza rolls, too? I'm starving."

"Sure," she answered, opening the freezer and pulling out a box . "Pepperoni, just like you wanted." Reading the box, she walked over to turn on the oven, and I caught her.

"I love you. I wouldn't leave you over this."

"You mean I could have gotten the sausage ones, and you would have been okay?"

I loved that amused look on her face. I loved that I'd put it there. "They had sausage?" I had to kiss her, and she leaned into me, the box cold against my chest. Letting her go, I smiled down at her, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. "You know that's not what I meant."

"Yeah. I did," she admitted, opening the cabinets and looking for something.

"Did you think I'd leave you if you toured with Nsync?"

"You did leave me, Nick. Do you not own a cookie sheet?"

I went over to the oven and pulled one out. I just used it for frozen pizza, so it made sense to keep it in the oven. "Here. And I didn't leave for good."

She took the cookie sheet from me and put it on the counter. "Put the oven at 450. If you'd left me a note, I might have realized you weren't leaving for good."

"You didn't really think that, did you?"

She was concentrating very hard on arranging the pizza rolls on the cookie sheet. "Well… I don't know. I figured that you'd gone to Florida with Aaron, since all your stuff was gone, and I hoped that you just needed some time away. But… I was so shocked that you were gone at all."

The pizza rolls arranged, she handed me the pan, and I slid it into the oven. "I knew it was a big deal. But I thought we'd talk about it. I'd expected a pretty bad reaction, which is why I didn't tell you about it, but… that was worse than I expected, Nick. You really freaked me out."

I pulled her into my arms, holding her tightly. "I'm sorry. Really, I'm so sorry for scaring you. I didn't mean…"

I cut him off. "You did mean to hurt me, or you would have left a note. And that's okay. I know I hurt you when I told you about the tour."

Leaning down, he kissed my cheek. "I have some issues with Nsync."

Smiling, I moved away from him to heat up the macaroni and cheese. "I knew that, but they're a little more intense that I'd realized."

"They're more intense than I'd realized, Rache! I mean… this means they've won."

"They've won what, bunny?"

"They're cooler than us. Officially. They're cool enough to get you to open for them. Backstreet couldn't do that, but Nsync can."

"It's just timing, sweetie. Really, it's not…"

He cut me off with a look. We both knew he was right. If Backstreet was touring this winter, we wouldn't open for them. And not just because Nick and I were together. We wouldn't do it because Backstreet didn't have the ability to pull in a different audience for us.

"I'm sorry," I said softly, and he shook his head.

"It's not your fault. It's been there for months now. This isn't the one thing that makes them better than us. It's just the one thing that really hurts me."

"Do you not want me to go? Because I can say no."

"Do you want to say no?"

I couldn't answer him, and we looked at one another for a long moment.

"I don't want you to go, Rache. I really don't. But if you go or not, it doesn't change the fact that they're still better than us. You can't stop it, and you can't make Backstreet suddenly cool again."

"What do you want me to do?"

Would I really do what he wanted me to do? I was scared that maybe I would.

He hesitated for a moment and then came over, cupping my face in his hands. "I want you to do whatever is best for your career, because you deserve all the success you can get. If you and the band think this a good move, then do it."

I had to blink away tears as he leaned down to kiss me. "I love you, Nick."

He held me tightly. "Good, because I might be a jerk about this sometimes."

"I know," I said, and he laughed. "But you have good things to look forward to. You'll be so busy recording your album that you'll barely notice who I'm on tour with."

"Are convicted felons allowed to release albums?"

"Um, half of the rap stars have police records. And you're not a convicted felon. I think this was barely a misdemeanor."

"Damn. What happens if I take out Justin Timberlake?"

"Definitely a felony. Don't do that, okay?"

He sighed. "Fine. I'll have backstage access, though. So I could fuck with his stuff."

"That I'll let you do." I looked up, kissing him again.

It would be really weird, being backstage at a Sudden Silence show and running into Nsync. Maybe they'd never be around. We barely talked to our opening acts.

Nah. Justin would love Rachel. He might love her just to piss me off, but he'd definitely be all over her. And JC would be around James all the time. Probably. "Does Nsync know about JC and James?"

Rachel furrowed her brow, perplexed that I was talking about JC when she was in my arms. I was a little freaked out by that myself. Obviously I was still pretty tired. She shrugged, stepping away from me and pulling two bowls out of a cabinet. "I'm not sure. Maybe."

"Will they be together all the time?"

"Dunno. I know James wants to be, but it depends on JC. He seemed pretty happy the other night, though."

I turned on the heat under the macaroni and cheese. It was the weird orange color that it got from being cold. When Angel was little, she only liked cold macaroni and cheese, straight out of the fridge. Angel had always been weird.

"Did JC know on New Year's Eve?"

She hesitated a second before answering, judging my reaction. "Yeah… the day before, actually."

I stirred the macaroni, trying to stay calm. "You kept the secret for two days. Impressive."

"Nick…" she said softly, pleading, and I took a deep breath.

"I know why you didn't tell me. Otherwise New Year's would have sucked." Would I have left then? Would I have been calmer, because Katie and Aaron were there? Not that they stopped me from freaking out when Rachel did tell me…

"You're burning the macaroni."

It took me a second to jump out of my thoughts and realize what she'd said. "Shit," I muttered, and she laughed, pulling the pan off the burner.

"Maybe we should eat and not discuss heavy things."

"No, it's okay. Really. So, JC's all happy about the tour?"

"I think he is," she answered, spooning macaroni and cheese into two bowls. We were going to eat all of that, right? Mandy used to tell me that one box of macaroni and cheese was four servings. Four servings for birds maybe.

"Maybe it will be so good that he'll decide to come out."

"Think that'll happen?"

She handed me a full bowl, and I smiled at her. Now, that was a man-sized serving. "Hungry, bunny?" she teased.

"A little." I sat at the table and piled up the stuff that was sitting there to make more room. Rachel sat across from me and picked up my phone.

"Want this?"

I scowled at her, taking a bite of my food, and she smiled at me. "We've been asleep for a couple of hours. Ken might have called."

"I'll call him after we eat."

"Avoiding your mom?" She gave me a searching look, and I sighed. I'd been doing a pretty good job of not thinking about that. "Nick, what did she say that made you so upset?"

"Nothing. I was tired, and she was just being Mom. She always knows exactly how to piss me off."

Rachel reached across the table, taking my hand. "But… how? I mean, I know I yelled at you a little last night."

"No, you didn't," I interrupted. "You were great. You were calm and just let me talk. Mom didn't want to hear my side of it. She just wanted to say that I have an image to uphold and I shouldn't be doing these stupid things, especially if I want to release a solo album."

"I imagine by the time it comes out, this will have blown over."

"I know! I think she was pissed off because she started telling me what to do, and I'd done it all. Then she said I was a bad influence on Aaron, and it was my fault that he was kissing Katie on TV."

Rachel snickered. "Want me to call and tell her we tried to keep them apart?"

"Then you'll just be covering up for me. No… I'll call her later. I sometimes need strength to talk to my mother."

She laughed. "Moms always know what buttons to push, don't they?"

"They created the buttons, didn't they?"

"Very true."

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