Oreos for Breakfast: Chapter 30

Oreos For Breakfast: Chapter 30
By the Paperbag Princess and Pumpkin Coach

I could hear the TV from downstairs. It was just noise, too low for me to make out words. I glanced at the clock next to the bed. Midnight? By 9 o'clock, I'd been exhausted and he'd come upstairs with me. We'd talked until I fell asleep, but I hadn't noticed him getting out of bed again.

I couldn't sleep that first night, either. Or the second. I rolled over and pulled his pillow to my body, buying my face in it and inhaling his scent. I tried to stifle the sob that I felt rising in my chest.

Even though he'd been next to me a few hours ago, I couldn't remember feeling him there. Usually when we were together, he would pull me into him, his body wrapped around me like a blanket. But not tonight. Tonight he couldn't even stay in bed with me.

How could I expect it to be all the same? No matter what happened in the next few days, he'd always remember this. I was the woman who didn't love him enough to have his baby. But that was so wrong. I loved him so much it scared me. I was more content when he was with me than I'd ever felt in my life. All those sappy sayings about forever and ever and someone completing you… they all sprang to mind when I thought of him. Just seeing his picture or hearing his voice on the radio made my heart leap into my throat.

I loved him so much that I couldn't do this to him.

He wasn't ready to be a father. He'd think it was cool for a while, but then he'd start looking at his friends who weren't tied down with a wife and a child and he'd start resenting me. Somehow this would be my fault in the end.

Who was I kidding? Either way it was my fault.

I couldn't hold back my tears, and sobbed into the pillow, barely able to catch my breath as the sound escaped my throat. I didn't even hear him come upstairs.

One look at her and my heart broke again. I'd been sitting downstairs staring at the clinic numbers she'd written in her notebook. I wanted to burn them and make it all go away. I knew that was wrong. This was her choice.

But I did matter! I was the other half of this relationship, right? That was my baby she was carrying!

She was so exhausted when we came upstairs that she fell right asleep and all I could do was watch her sleep. She snuggled under the covers, and I was afraid that if I touched her she'd wake up and… and what, Carter? Decide she didn't love you enough to have your baby? She didn't trust you enough to be a father?

Part of me wanted to call Brian or my mom or dad. Someone. Anyone who could tell me what I should be doing… someone who would see my side. But I'd promised her we wouldn't tell anyone.

Well, Lola. But Lola was different. Once she'd figured out what I was asking, she took care of everything. She didn't ask a lot of questions, just what we needed. We had an address of a doctor in New York, and we could show up any time after 8 a.m. I was pretty sure I wouldn't sleep until it was over. Maybe we should just leave now.

Once Rachel stopped crying, that was. She was still sobbing against me, her arms thrown around my neck and her face pressed against my chest. I knew she didn't want this. If she did, she wouldn't be this upset, would she?

I didn't want it, either. I couldn't imagine being a father. Not really. Not when I really thought about it. In a year, or five, or seven, then yes. But not now.

"Rachel, baby…" I ran my hands over her hair, smoothing it down and trying to get her to stop crying. "Baby, breathe. Take a deep breath, please."

She pulled away slightly and tried to breathe, but ended up crying out as if the simple act of breathing caused her pain. I pulled her back down to me and laid back on the bed. She stretched out against me, and suddenly I couldn't be close enough to her.

Last night I'd been so afraid to touch her, but suddenly I needed her next to me. No, I wanted to feel her skin against mine and know that she still needed me to love her. I knew it was stupid. That's what got us here in the first place. I started to move away from her, but she pulled me back down to her.

"Make love to me, Nick. Please."

I looked down at her tear stained face and she couldn't meet my eyes. Did she think I didn't want her? Could she possibly believe that?

He'd started to move away and I thought I was going to lose my mind. What would I do if he moved away and didn't ever come back to me? There'd barely been a time when we were together and hadn't made love and tonight… he'd barely touched me. We talked until I thought my voice was going to give out. He'd held my hand, stroked my face, kissed my forehead and played with my hair… but it wasn't the same.

I don't think I could stand it if he stopped wanting me. If he stopped looking at me with lust in his eyes.

I pulled him back down, pushing his T-shirt up over his head. He moved his hips against me, gasping as I kissed my way across his chest and reached down to stoke him. He responded quickly, his cock growing in my hand and my entire body seemed to respond, opening up to him.

Suddenly his mouth was on mine. He held me down so I couldn't move away, his tongue exploring me as his hands slid my underwear down my hips. I'd missed him so much this last month. Missed the feel of him writhing against me, the feel of his fingers exploring me and making me want him so badly I'd let him do anything as long as he didn't stop.

"God, Nick. I need you inside me. Please…" The words caught in my throat and he looked down at me, his blue eyes cutting through me.

As if he could read my mind, he answered me, "I'll never stop wanting you, Rachel."

I had to stifle a laugh. Here I was, a mess of tears and this man still wanted me. I should just give up now and let him marry me and have his baby. I tugged on his boxer shorts and he moved away long enough to kick them off the end of the bed. His body covered me quickly and I wrapped my legs around his waist, letting his cock slide over me and making him moan into my mouth.

Arching my hips, I reached between us, guiding him inside me. He hesitated for a second, and our eyes met. We didn't need a condom. Not tonight. But he'd better enjoy it, because it might be years before I'd let him near me without protection again.

He captured my lips in his, knowing exactly what I was thinking. Then he thrust against me, and I stopped thinking. That was all I'd been doing for days. Right now, I needed to just feel him inside me, that connection I missed so much. I hated being away from him.

"I love you," I whispered, and he opened his eyes, looking down at me. He didn't need to say anything. His eyes said it all.

Disclaimer | Sudden Silence Website
Feedback to Authors | Tragical Fiction (home)

Subscribe to receive an email when this site is updated!

Powered by groups.yahoo.com