Oreos for Breakfast: Chapter 28

Clockwatching
Lately we're running out of time, aren't we?

Chapter added 10.31.05

Feedback helps us write quicker!

Was someone knocking? I turned off the shower and poked my head out through the curtain and heard it again.

They could come back. I needed 10 minutes alone, was that too much to ask? We had to go on in an hour and I hadn't had two minutes to myself all afternoon, between conference calls with the PR firm and interviews with practically every paper in Iowa.

Iowa. Middle of fuckin' nowhere, who'd have thought they had more than one paper?

I stepped out of the shower and heard the knock again. Louder and more insistent this time. Had to be Frank. Anyone else would know to leave me alone if I didn't answer. They all knew I was in here.

I pulled on my robe and yanked open the door, "What?"

Frank jumped back at the tone in my voice and I immediately wanted to apologize. I didn't have to take my bad mood out on him. Nick would do that all the time and it made me so angry. Frank wasn't here to be my emotional punching bag. I'd use Jeremy for that.

But I didn't even want to be annoyed with Jeremy right now. I just wanted half an hour to myself. Ever since we joined the tour, it was like we were going nonstop. Saffron didn't want us to miss out on any opportunity, so I think she was saying yes to any offer on the table.

It was a little better when Nick had been here, but now he was gone. Was he still in London? I tried to think. Was it time for him to be in Sweden already? I'd lost count. The time difference sucked, it meant we were trading emails and voicemails more than talking.

That was okay at first. I knew he wanted to put everything on hold after everything had happened and just stay with me. But I was starting to feel smothered and I told him to go away. We had our lives to lead and we needed to get back to them. I was so scared that I would fall back into that depression like when dad died. More than anything, I wanted to keep things normal. As normal as they could be for us, at any rate.

We had our week at the point where we cried and leaned on one another. I smiled at the memory of how good Nick had been. He was better than I'd ever expected.

"Rachel, I'm sorry. I know you've got to get to the stadium, but something…"

I didn't even let Frank finish. I could hear it in his voice. It was Nick. I felt the color drain from my face as James came into focus behind Frank. Oh god, no.

James pushed past Frank to get to me, "Rache, it's okay. Frank, just tell her!"

"The punk ass has lost his mind," Frank stated, his voice tight with emotion.

What the hell did that mean? I raised an eyebrow and he looked down, "Sorry, Rachel. They were at a club in Stockholm. Apparently there was a fight. Nick punched Vinnie and ran out."

"Punched him? Nick?" My wimpy, spineless boy? What the hell was going on? Not that I didn't wish the Nick would deck Vinnie once or twice on my own. But Nick wasn't the type to just go off hitting someone for no good reason. "What did Vinnie do now?"

Frank rolled his eyes and I knew that something was up. "What haven't you been telling me, Frank?" I demanded, moving away from James and shutting the door behind Frank as he came into the room. This wasn't something I needed the whole hotel to know in an hour.

"Nothing big, Rache. It's just Nick. You know how he can get… he's been drinking and staying out. Just kid stuff, really."

"And?"

"They got into a fight and he punched Vinnie and ran out of the club without security."

I nearly laughed at the idea that Frank was really considering Vinnie Nick's 'security.' That was a joke and we all knew it.

"Just tell me he's okay."

"He's fine. Well, I think he's fine. He won't let Vinnie into the room, so they called me. It's gonna be all over the papers tomorrow. He was supposed to be there in secret, but the punk…" Frank caught himself when he saw my face and his voice softened a little, "But Nick talked to some reporters at the airport and then had dinner at Max's restaurant with some… friends."

"Friends?" What was that tone in Frank's voice? Girls? Had to be. He was with Vinnie, after all. I held out my hand, "Give me your phone, Frank."

"I already told Vin to bring him back, Rache. Screw the recording session, press is going to have a field day after what happened in January."

I didn't wait for Frank, but grabbed my phone out of my bag and hit Nick's number. It rang twice and then I heard music blaring on the other end and a woman giggled into it, "Nicky's phone!"

My heart leapt to my throat and I stared at a spot on the floor, "Put Nick on." I said flatly. I glanced at James and he held out his hand for me, but I backed away, retreating into the bedroom and closing the door.

The girl on the phone giggled again and I heard the music get louder, "Nicky… baby, there's some girl on your phone."

I heard his voice and my blood started to boil, "When did you get my cell, honey? I thought it was in my pants… oh, there they are! Naughty, naughty girl…"

I shut my eyes and willed myself not to scream. He was drunk. He was… I ran out of excuses.

"Yo!" He yelled into the phone and I felt a tear run down my check.

"Nick, it's Rachel."

"Rache! Baby. Oh, sweetie, I miss you so much," he started, but I cut him off.

"It's what? 3 in the morning there? Who answered your phone?"

Rachel? She sounded mad. I glanced around the room. Beer bottles were everywhere and Tony was passed out on the couch. What was the girl's name? "Umm… Greta, Gretchen? Something like that. Miss Sweden or something. New friend of ours."

"Uh-huh. You've got a plane ticket at the airport with your name on it Nick, be on the flight and I might talk to you when you get here."

My head spun. What the hell? "What are you talking about, Rache? Tony picked her up. Baby, you know I'd never do anything to hurt you!"

"I'm not having this conversation. You are too drunk and I have to be on stage in an hour. You need to find Vinnie and get back here."

"Fuckin' prick. I ain't going nowhere with him!" Fuck that. No fuckin' way. Vinnie called Rachel? What a fuckin' asshole! He didn't even like Rachel! So I decked him, he was strong enough to handle it.

"Do whatever you want, Nick. But if you aren't on that plane…"

Her voice drifted off and I looked at the phone. Did we lose the connection? "Rache? I can't hear you."

I heard her sniffling on the other end. Was she crying? Why was she crying? I just had a fight with Vin. It'd be fine. She knew what a prick he was. We'd sort it out tomorrow. When I wasn't so drunk. I had to stop drinking so much. It finished my beer and threw the empty bottle on the bed. Maybe tomorrow.

"Rache, baby, are you crying? Don't cry, Rache. It's fine. I'm fine."

"No you aren't, Nick." Her voice was angry now and it caught me off guard, "You are so far from fine, Nick. We haven't talked in days and you're partying every night and I call your hotel room at 3 am and a girl answers? This is not fine. This is you losing your mind, little man!"

"Don't call me that!"

He yelled at me. He just fuckin' yelled at me? I set my jaw and tried to take a deep breath, "Then act like a grown up, Nick. Get here tomorrow and Frank will collect you at the airport."

"I don't need Frank," he mumbled.

We were quiet for a minute. Finally I found my voice, "Well you need something, Nick. You can't tell me you're working. You're picking fights with Vinnie. Where's Tony, passed out on the sofa?"

He didn't say anything and I heard the girl's voice in the background. I couldn't tell what she was saying, but the fact that she was there next to him and I wasn't just made me more angry.

"I've got to go, Nick. Please come back." He mumbled something that sounded like agreement and I heard Lola's voice in the other room. "Nick, I need go to, Lola's here to collect us and I'm not even dressed. We'll talk tomorrow."

I went to hang up, but his voice stopped me, "Rache?" He squeaked out my name, his voice cracking, "I love you. I do."

"I know, Nicky. Me too. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

I tried to take a deep breath but it hurt too much and I started sobbing. How'd we get to this? A few weeks ago we were okay. He'd stopped being angry all the time about *Nsync and I'd stopped feeling guilty every moment. I thought maybe everything was still my hormones being all out of whack, but that should have leveled off by now.

I considered my reflection in the mirror. I looked like hell. I hadn't seen sun in weeks and I was pale, my skin a lovely shade of yellow in these horrible hotel lights. And I had circles under my eyes. Some rock star I was. It was a wonder every tabloid didn't have me on rehab watch, I looked like I was strung out.

Hell, I was strung out. Not sleeping and not eating, just worried about Nick and me and… those things I couldn't even think about, let alone talk about. Nick couldn't, either. I knew that. He'd taken Tony and Vinnie to Europe so he didn't have to be alone and think about it.

God, part of me wanted to be that girl who would just drop everything to be with him and have his baby, but I wasn't. Equivocally and irreparably I was not that woman. But maybe that's what he needed. Maybe he needed a Greta or Daphne… some girl who would be okay just being with him and not having a career.

Just the thought of him with someone else made my chest hurt and my head spin.

My phone rang and I just stared at it as I heard someone knocking on the door. I knew I had to go. I didn't have time to have a complete nervous breakdown in the middle of some stupid hotel in the middle of fucking Iowa. I had to go onstage in front of 10,000 screaming fans and pretend like I was the luckiest girl alive.

As soon as the phone stopped ringing, it started up again. He didn't even leave a message. Shit.

"I'll be another minute, Lola." I yelled as I held the phone in my hands and watched it ring.

He didn't even wait for me to say anything and this time the line was quiet on the other end. "Rachel? I'm so sorry. Just… I'm getting coffee and going to the airport, okay? I just wanted you to know that. I'll be there tomorrow and everything's going to be okay. Rache?"

I tasted blood in my mouth and realized I was biting my bottom lip as I listened to his scared, slurred voice through my phone. "No, Nick. Stay."

"What? But you just said… I thought I needed to come back? I miss you!"

"I miss you, too, bunny. But… you'll hate it here. We can't be together and you'll be around *Nsync and that will drive you insane. Just stay. Write a lot of amazing songs for me and let Max turn them into gold for you."

"But…" We both heard Lola knocking on the door and Nick muttered something that sounded like 'shit' on the other end of the phone. "I need to see you, Rache. Tonight didn't mean anything, I swear. Nothing happened. I wouldn't do that to you. I wouldn't hurt you again like that. I couldn't… not after."

"Don't!" I stopped him. "Please, Nick. Just… don't. I have to go and we can't really talk. Finish up and I'll see you soon. We're in New York in 2 weeks and you're still coming, right? I'm sorry if I over reacted."

As we said our 'I love yous' and hung up, I tried to convince myself that that was all I was doing… over reacting.

Disclaimer | Sudden Silence Website
Feedback to Authors | Tragical Fiction (home)

Subscribe to receive an email when this site is updated!

Powered by groups.yahoo.com