Oreos for Breakfast: Chapter 28

Oreos For Breakfast: Chapter 31
By the Paperbag Princess and Pumpkin Coach

Clockwatching
Lately we're running out of time, aren't we?

"Hey, baby," Nick said as he sat next to me on the sofa. I grinned, kissing him quickly.

"There you are, bunny! Were you talking on the radio this whole time?" I'd stood in the wings during his and Aaron's performance, but then he'd gotten pulled away to do interviews and crap, so I came back here to talk to famous people and drink free beer.

No one as famous as us though. A year ago I was driving around the country in that stupid van, and now we were headlining summer radio festivals. And I was in love with a Backstreet Boy. A year ago I didn't even know him. Life was so weird.

"Yeah, radio and crap." He shrugged, and then turned to me. "Hey, buttercup, I'm gonna go back to New York with Aaron, okay?"

"What?"

Did I hear that right? I knew Aaron was going back now. Jane didn't want him to stay for our set, because he had commitments in New York tomorrow morning. But Nick… Nick could stay. He came up with us, playing video games with Jeremy and James on the bus, it felt a little bit like last summer when he was just my groupie and everything was still perfect and new.

It wasn't perfect and new anymore, and for a while it really sucked, but it was getting better.

"It's Saturday, Vinnie and I wanna hit some of the clubs tonight. If I stay, it'll be like two before we get back. Okay? Call me when you get into the city, you can come meet us wherever we end up."

"But…"

I didn't even know what to say. But it's our first headlining gig, and I want you here? There are more people out there than we've ever played in front of before and I want you cheering me on?

Why should he stay here and be bored all day when he could be hanging out with his friends? He'd spent most of the week with me. I could give him a night, couldn't I?

But Vinnie was going with him to Sweden on Monday, couldn't they go clubbing there?

"What?" he asked, a little impatient, and I could see it on his face. If I said 'no,' this was going to become an argument. He wanted to go. He didn't want to stay here with me. Waiting another three hours for my 20 minute set wasn't worth it when he could be getting drunk with Vinnie and being one of the beautiful people in New York.

I nodded. "Nothing. Have fun, sweetie. I'll see you back at the hotel."

A brief look of surprise crossed his face before he smiled. "No, come meet us when you get in."

"I doubt I'll be awake enough, bunny. Just try not to make too much noise when you come home."

"Nick!" a deep voice yelled from across the room, and I didn't look over to see it was Vinnie. He'd won.

I'd thought that Vinnie and I were getting along. Guess I was wrong.

"Gimme a minute, man. I'll be right there," Nick yelled back, and then stood up, kissing me quickly. "Call me after your set. I want to hear all about it."

You could stay, I wanted to snarl. You don't need to hear about it, you could be there. But I just nodded, forcing a smile onto my face. Of all the things we could fight about, this probably wasn't important. It was just one night. I knew he'd come back to our room, drunk but happy and just wanting me. As much as I disliked Vinnie, he was Nick's friend, and it wasn't fair of me to make him choose.

He hurried over to join Vinnie, and I couldn't watch. James was walking by, and I grabbed him, pulling him down on the couch with me. "Pretend you have something very important to tell me," I hissed.

"There are 40 thousand people out there," he offered, and I groaned, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Not the right answer."

"Where's the blond God going?" he questioned, and I sighed, not looking up.

"Is he gone?"

"Yeah, all buddy-buddy with the Neanderthal."

"They're going back to New York with Aaron."

"What?" James shrieked, and I moved away from him, looking over towards the doorway to see that they were gone. I was so relieved I felt tears come to my eyes, and I wiped them away, sniffling.

"They want to go out clubbing tonight, not stay here."

I sound so fucking pathetic. My voice broke, and all I wanted to do is curl up in a ball and sob. Over what? Nothing. My boyfriend just wants a night out with his friend, what was so wrong with that?

"Aw, Rache," James started, sounding sympathetic, and I shook my head.

"Don't. This is stupid, it's nothing. It's fine. I probably wouldn't want to stick around to hear a four-song set I'll hear a million times this summer, either."

"Rache! It's not nothing if you're crying over it. He's been weird lately. What is going on? Want me to talk to him?"

"No!" I almost yelled. "No, don't say anything. Just…" I took a deep breath, trying to relax. "It's fine, James. Really. I'm just a little hurt, I'll tell him that later, when it won't just cause a fight."

James hugged me and I relaxed into him with a sigh. Why the hell was he gay? Couldn't I just settle down with him?

"Where's the punk ass going?" Frank asked, and I looked up to find him standing next to us.

"Back to New York."

He snorted. "Hope he gets fucking mobbed at the hotel. Vinnie's security, my ass." I burst into giggles as he moved on to find Lola. Frank always put things so clearly.

Coffee. I so needed coffee. And water, Rachel would tell me I needed water.

Rachel… she barely stirred when I moved my arm out from underneath her. She was awake when I stumbled in last night, but went to watch TV when I collapsed into bed. Vinnie and I had had too much to drink and been to too many clubs, I was way too drunk to make love to her.

I didn't even remember when she came into bed, but obviously nothing happened, because she had clothes on. One of my racing t-shirts that hugged her curves.

That never happened. We always slept naked together, curled up around each other. She had her back to me, at the far edge of the bed.

Then again, I wouldn't really want to sleep with me, either. I needed a shower.

I slipped out of bed and stood under the water for a long time, letting it wash away my hangover. It wasn't that bad, considering. Some coffee and I'd be fine. There was a Starbucks across the street. I could sneak over there if I went out the back way. When we'd come back last night there were still a bunch of girls out front.

Dressed, I sat next to Rachel on the bed, kissing her shoulder carefully, whispering her name.

"What?" she sighed.

"I'm gonna run over to Starbucks. Do you want anything?"

She rolled over, blinking at me. "What time is it?"

I glanced at the clock. "11:15. What time is James picking us up?"

"One. Yeah. Get me a chai and a bagel?"

I nodding, kissing her. "Be right back, and you can tell me all about your show."

"Okay," she smiled.

I ran into Jeremy at the elevator, and he surveyed me and smirked. "Running out for reparation?"

"What?" Fucking Jeremy. He was on his way back from the gym, it looked like, and I was barely awake and not ready for his games.

"Flowers. Bagels. Something to say you're sorry."

I glared at him. "Sorry for what?"

He blinked at me for a minute. "For running out on her last night."

"I didn't!" I sputtered. "She knew where I was going, and she said she didn't care."

He shook his head at me, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, they say that, Nicky. And then you're supposed to make the choice that doesn't hurt her feelings."

"But, I…" I started, and then gave up, leaning against the wall. She was hurt. When I first told her I wanted to go back to New York, I saw it in her eyes, but then she smiled and I let myself believe that she didn't care. She cared. I knew she did.

"Was she asleep when you came in last night?"

I shook my head. "No. She was in the bathroom, washing her face and stuff."

"We'd been back for more than an hour when you came in. I heard you and your friends in the hall. Did I hear two girls? Did they both go back to Vinnie's?" he wondered, and I shrugged.

"I guess."

"Impressive," Jeremy admitted, and then shook his head, returning to the subject. "Did she go to bed when you did? Did you have sex?"

I just glared at him. None of his fucking business.

But the bastard laughed at me. "Guess not. Did she pretend to be asleep when you got up?"

"She was…" Not asleep. It took her forever to make sense in the morning, but just now she'd told me what she wanted from Starbucks. "Fuck you, Jeremy."

"Read the signs, little man. She's hurt. You were a jerk, because you should have stayed. It was an important night, and you could have been there."

The elevator arrived, and I stepped on it, still glaring at him.

"Sucks when I'm right, doesn't it, Nicky?"

Bastard. I fumed as I escaped the hotel through the parking lot, thankfully the fans hadn't discovered that yet. What the hell? If Rachel was so pissed off at me, why didn't she tell me? Did she have to fucking tell Jeremy instead? Now I looked like an idiot, in front of Jeremy of all fucking people.

Fuck her. Vinnie was right, she was just like all the rest. She played those stupid girl games like telling her fucking ex that I'd hurt her feelings. If she wanted me to stay in Boston, she should have fucking told me.

My cell phone rang and I pulled it out of my pocket, falling into a chair at an empty table at Starbucks. "What?" I growled.

"Bad morning?" James asked.

Great. James. If she told Jeremy she was pissed off, what does James know?

"No. Yes. Whatever. What do you want, James?"

He was quiet for a moment, and when he started to talk, I could just see the look on his face. It was the 'you hurt Rachel, you punk ass,' look. I hated that look. I didn't need anyone giving me advice on Rachel, especially not her gay best friend. "I'm just calling to say that maybe giving her the car today is not the best idea."

The car. I'd almost forgotten about the car.

"I've got it, and it's lovely, but I don't know that she's in the mood."

"Why wouldn't she be in the mood to get a new fucking car?" I snarled.

"Because presents don't make up for hurting her feelings, Nicky. It doesn't work that way with Rachel, as much as you might want it to."

It always worked with Mandy. Hell, it even worked with my mom.

Rachel wasn't at all like the others, was she?

I dropped my head into my hands, trying not cry. Why did I listen to Vinnie? Why did I go out with him last night and get drunk and listen to him talk about Rachel? I should have stayed with her in Boston and watched her set and congratulated her on headlining her first radio festival. They'd never played in front of that many people, and they were playing in front of more today, and I treated it like it was no big deal.

I was the worst boyfriend in the world. Rachel was so special, what was I doing, treating her like this?

"I know," I finally admitted to James. "I suck. Bring the car. Maybe by then she'll have forgiven me. Is she really mad?"

"She's not mad. She's just… hurt."

Like that was better? If she was mad, we could fight and I wouldn't have to face up to the fact that this was all my fault for being an idiot yesterday.

"I'll talk to her. See you at one?"

"Okay," he said. "I'll be there with the new shiny car."

I clicked off the phone and shoved it back in my pocket, just staring out the window for a moment. The car wasn't going to make anything better. It might just make it worse. Or maybe it would be fine. She wasn't mad, she didn't yell at me or anything. When I gave her presents to avoid a fight, the fight just got worse. This was different. She hadn't said anything, and she could have, a million times. When I told her I was leaving Boston, when I came back to the room tonight, even just now in the room, she could have said something. Maybe she didn't want to, maybe James and Jeremy were full of shit and she really was fine about me coming back early.

Then why have I not been able to get that hurt look on her face out of my head since yesterday? Even as I walked away from her then, I felt like going back.

I should have stayed. Why didn't I stay?

"Can I help you, sir?" someone asked, and I jumped. Yeah, sitting at Starbucks without buying anything was bad. I smiled at her and got up to place our order at the counter.

I'd just go back to the room and tell her I was sorry. I couldn't do much else, but that might be enough.

I was signing autographs, balancing our breakfast on one hand before I realized I was just avoiding the room. I'd snuck out, I could have snuck back, but instead I was signing autographs for the couple dozen girls waiting outside for me. Someone asked for a picture and I shook my head with a smile. "My coffee's getting cold. I'm gonna go in. I'll be back later, though."

"Yeah, right," I heard from the crowd, and I wrinkled my nose at her.

"You know me too well." But I escaped anyway. I ran into Darien on the elevator this time, and I held up my free hand. "I know, I suck. I've talked to Jeremy and James already this morning."

"Shoulda been there, dude," he shrugged. "But we all fuck up sometimes."

I didn't feel like telling him that I fucked up a lot. If this was just one night, I wouldn't feel so bad, but I knew this was just one more thing in the long line since March or something. Three months of fuck ups, what was she still doing with me?

She'd cleared a spot on the coffee table for me to set our breakfast, but she wasn't in the front room. "Rache?"

"I'll be right out, bunny. Did you get my tea?"

"Of course. And a toasted bagel with butter."

"You're so good to me," she said, walking into the room. She had on jeans and her dad's sweater, and I could only stare at her for a minute. This was the sweater bad?

I was the worst boyfriend ever.

She caught my look and gave me a fake smile, pulling the cuffs over her hands. "It's cold in here, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry," I told her, my voice cracking a bit. Why was I so stupid?

"For what?" she asked, coming over to sit on the couch. "Getting me breakfast?"

She started to reach for her drink, but I stopped her, taking her hands in mine. "For yesterday. I should have stayed. I'm so sorry, Rache."

Oh. That.

"Don't be silly," I told him. "I'm fine."

"In the 30 minutes since I left this room, every member of your band has told me I'm a dick. And they're right."

Bastards. I pulled my hands out of his, reaching out again for my tea. "Don't listen to them. I'm fine."

My hands were shaking, so I went for the bagel instead.

"No you're not. You weren't fine yesterday and I went anyway. Rachel, don't lie to me and pretend everything's okay. I know it's not."

I sat back on the couch, giving up on breakfast. He knew I wasn't fine and he went anyway? It was a small consolation to know that I told him to go, but he didn't even believe me?

"It's so stupid, Nick," I whispered. "I was just being selfish to want you to stay."

"I was being selfish to go. I should have stayed, it was a big day for you."

"It was."

We were quiet for a minute, and I could feel him staring at me as I looked down at my hands. If I looked at him, I'd cry, and that was stupid and pathetic and I hated needing him this much. There was no reason for him to stay and watch our lame twenty-minute set besides the fact that I would have loved knowing he was standing in the wings watching me.

He leaned over, cupping my face in his hands and making me look at him. "What can I do, buttercup?"

I just shrugged. "Nothing. There's nothing to do. It's stupid for me to be upset."

"Want me to kill Vinnie?" he offered, and I shook my head.

"No. He's your friend. You can have a night out with your friends."

"He's coming to Sweden with me this week. I don't know what I was thinking."

I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself not to cry. That's what I kept coming back to, that Nick and Vinnie were going to have a whole week in Sweden, and I'd had scattered moments this week. I felt so stupid, like Vinnie and I were fighting over Nick's affections, how fucking junior high.

He kissed me and I burst into tears, I couldn't help it.

"Oh, Rachel, baby," he whispered, and I gave up, throwing my arms around his chest and sobbing. He held me, rocking back and forth, telling me he loved me, and I let myself cry. I'd been avoiding it since yesterday afternoon, and it wasn't going away, so I just gave into it.

Finally I caught my breath and I punched his shoulder.

"You picked Vinnie over me. He made you do that, and if you had picked me, he would have said you were whipped and you would have gotten pissy with me, and I didn't want you to stay if you were just going to pout about it."

He nodded, still holding me tightly. "I know. You're right."

"You said he'd hit on me to fuck us up, but he found another way."

"He doesn't understand, buttercup," he said softly. "He wants to go out and pick up girls and get stupid. He doesn't understand how important you are. I'll stop hanging out with him."

"I don't want you to do that. I know you have a lot of fun with him. I just hate how he fucks with our relationship. Even Jeremy doesn't fuck with us like Vinnie does. I'm not a ho who's after your money, Nick. And I'm not a groupie who's going to take all your crap."

"I know," he nodded. "You're so much better than that."

"I am," I asserted. "I love you, and I'll do anything for you. Can you try to … reprioritize a little? I know you have fun with Vinnie, but you're leaving tomorrow and then I won't see you for another couple weeks, could I have a little of your time?"

"All of it. Whatever you want today, I'm yours. We'll go to the concert and except for when I have to be with Aaron, I'll be next to you all day. Fuck it, I don't need to go to Sweden, I'll cancel that, and we'll go up to the Point for a couple days."

I smiled at his earnestness. "No, you told Max you'll be there. And I've got a million things to do here. Go to Sweden. Take Vinnie and hang out with beauty queens and call me every night."

He hugged me so tightly I could barely breathe. "I love you so much, Rache."

"I love you too, bunny. But pick me today, okay? Vinnie can hang out with us at the concert, but I need to know that I'm first today."

He looked at me, shocked. "You're always first!"

"I didn't feel like that yesterday," I admitted, and he kissed me.

"I'm a shit. I'm so sorry."

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