Oreos for Breakfast: Chapter 28

Oreos For Breakfast: Chapter 32
By the Paperbag Princess and Pumpkin Coach

"I want strings. I want a horn section. I want proper girl backing singers, not just Rachel!"

"Hey!" I said from my perch on the couch. I had been considering my fingernails. I needed a manicure. If we were in New York, I could go to my favorite place two blocks from James' apartment, where they gave you a shoulder massage while you sat with your hands under the nail dryer. I had no idea where to go in LA. Lola could find me a place, but it would probably cost a hundred bucks, and some freaking paparazzi would take my picture, and I'd end up in Us Weekly with the caption: 'celebrities are just like you- Rachel Connor gets a manicure.'

Right. Jeremy was insulting my vocal prowess.

"Please, Rachel. You are not a back up singer."

Was that a compliment or not?

"You can never freaking blend. You always have to be the star."

I grabbed my phone and headed out the door of the studio. "If all you're going to do is bitch, I'm going to the Coffee Bean around the corner."

"Get me a mochalatta, soy milk, fat-free whip," Darien said, and I turned to look at him. Had the words 'soy milk' just come out of his mouth? Darien was becoming more and more LA every day, and we'd only been here a week.

"There is coffee right here," Jeremy said, and I shook my head. There were coffee and snacks in the studio.

"It sucks, and I need to get out of here. Orders?"

They were trying to test me, weren't they? We all used to drink coffee. Just plain old coffee. Now it was skinny this and venti that. I wasn't even sure if I had enough cash on me for four weird ass coffees.

If I smiled and gave the barista an autograph, I could probably get the coffees for free. LA was bizarre. Now that we were famous, people wanted to give stuff to us. The record company had set us up at a house in the hills, with a great view over the pool. Every day, we got stuff. Clothes, electronics, shoes, even sheets.

The sheets were an insanely high thread count, and I was never giving them back. I told Lola I liked them, and if I had one of those feather bed things to put over the mattress, I'd have the perfect bed, and the next day, we had feather beds.

In New York, I was lucky to get the correct change from the coffee guy at the cart on the corner. For all the celebrities in LA, people still made a fuss.

"If it isn't my favorite pop star!"

Oh, hell, who had recognized me in the middle of Coffee Bean? I knew that voice, though…

"Justin!" I said, accepting his kiss on my cheek. "What are you doing here? You're not…"

He laughed. "Recording around the corner? Yeah. What studio are you in?"

"Three. Where are you? How's it going?"

I knew it was going well enough that he never returned any of JC's calls. "Great," Justin assured me. "It's gonna be amazing. Pharell says it's off the hook."

"Let's switch studios, then. There are bad vibes in ours."

He took a step back from me, holding up his hands as if to shield himself from my bad juju. "No way, lady! I'm keeping my good vibes."

I wrinkled my nose at him. "Whatever happened to chivalry? Don't you want to help out a damsel in distress?"

He threw an arm around my shoulders, steering me towards a table. "How about we sit down and you can tell Doctor Justin all about your problems? Take a little break from the madness."

I should go back. I was just supposed to be running out for coffee.

Fuck that.

"Get me a chai, would ya?" I asked, sitting down at our table and smiling up at him. With a bow, he went over to the counter.

It was nice to have a guy do something for me. My band were useless and Nick… Nick hadn't been around enough lately to do anything nice. Okay, he'd been great when he'd realized he'd fucked up our anniversary, but… he shouldn't have fucked it up in the first place.

I was probably being too hard on him. We'd both been busy all summer, and I was always harping on him about something. I was a lousy girlfriend. No wonder he barely called any more. We were fine when we were together, but when he wasn't right in front of me my mind went into overdrive. That used to be his trick. Maybe he was rubbing off on me too much. And all the rumors didn't help.

Justin returned with our drinks and sat across from me. "You okay, Rachel? You look a million miles away."

I smiled at him. "Fine. Just… distracted."

"Nick?" he asked curiously, and I looked at him.

"What have you heard?"

He shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee. "Stuff. Nothing big," he assured me. "Just that you haven't been spending a lot of time together."

"We're working. That doesn't mean anything!"

"I didn't say it did, Rache. Believe me, I know never to listen to rumors. There have been entirely too many in my life."

The rumors about Justin and Britney turned out to be true, though. Maybe the rumors about Nick and I would turn out to be true, too.

Justin leaned closer to me. "When you start believing the rumors, they have this way of becoming true."

I gave him a questioning look and he sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I mean, when you start accusing your girlfriend of cheating on you, eventually she decides she might as well do it."

But what if… shit.

"This is my last piece of advice about your love life, because I have no interest in allowing you to remain with that idiot Carter now that I am a free agent. Don't believe any cheating rumors unless you see it with your own eyes. We live in a really weird world, Rachel. Nothing's true unless you see it yourself."

"That's very Matrix of you," I joked, and he smiled.

"Take the blue pill. It's easier that way. Or is it the red?"

"Whichever. I'll take it under advisement. Tell me about your fantastic new album. I need to hear a success story to inspire me."

"Recording not going well?"

I shrugged. "It's… going. Ever do songs that you know are bad, just to say you did something?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Have you listened to any Nsync albums?"

I laughed, trying not to choke on my chai. Choke on my chai… that had good alliteration. I pulled out my song notebook, flipping it open as I answered him.

"Okay, point taken. You didn't write that stuff, though. You could blame someone else when it sucked. I've got no one to blame but myself."

"What is that?" Justin asked, leaning across the table to see my notebook as I scribbled 'choke on my chai' on a page full of random phrases.

"Useless," I informed him, closing the book and snapping the elastic band that kept it shut around it. "I just scribble down ideas. I never go anywhere without it lately, not that it's done me much good."

"What did you write down there?"

"Choke on my chai. That's really dumb, isn't it?"

"Good alliteration," he said, but I could tell he was trying not to laugh, and I scowled at him.

"I told you, recording sucks. When you hear our first crappy single in a few months and it contains 'choke on my chai,' you will know that Sudden Silence's rise to fame was indeed sudden and has become silent."

"I won't have time to listen, because by then, I will be the king of all media."

I stuck my tongue out at him. I did not doubt that.

Why was she sticking her tongue out at Justin Timberlake? No. Seriously. What was going on here? That interminable Nsync tour was over, so what was she doing with him, looking all cute and happy?

I clicked to look at the next picture, and he was kissing her on the cheek. The headline said something about a secret rendezvous, but even I didn't believe that. It looked like they were just having coffee. But it looked like she was enjoying herself. She was not supposed to be friends with Justin fucking Timberlake.

"What were you doing with Justin?" I asked when she picked up the phone.

"What? Where are you?"

"Sweden. Was I not supposed to find out about you and Justin here?"

"Oh. I thought maybe you were around the corner or something."

"What? Why? Are you with him now?" I heard myself half shriek the last bit, and it was a second before she answered me.

"I was, a second ago. I'm outside now, so that he doesn't have to hear you screaming at me."

"What the fuck, Rachel? Where the hell are you?"

She sighed. "I'm at a coffee shop around the corner from the studio. Justin and I ran into each other yesterday here, and again just now. How did you find out?"

"So it was a secret!" I accused, but she didn't respond in anger.

"No. I didn't talk to you yesterday, remember? And you knew about it, so for a minute, I was really excited that maybe you were here to surprise me, and you'd seen us together, but you're not, so I'm going to ask you again how you found out."

"Pictures. Online."

"If it looks like we're doing anything but talking, they're doctored."

"No, they… I don't think you're doing anything. But why are you talking to him?"

"Because he listened."

Her voice was so sad I didn't know what to say. "I can-" I started to say, and she interrupted me.

"You're nine hours ahead of me right now, Nick. When I want to talk, you're sleeping, or out partying, and well, you never want to talk to me, so it doesn't matter what I'm doing."

"I want to talk to you!"

"It took pictures of me with Justin fucking Timberlake to get you to call me! You do not want to talk to me! You just want to know that I'm sitting around waiting for your call."

"That is not fucking true! I'm busy, and so are you. I want to talk to you, Rache, I just-"

"Just what, Nick? Can't? Or don't care? It has been so fucking long since we've really talked. You don't even know how recording is going. I don't even know why you're in Sweden."

"I'm finishing mixes. And I wrote a new song."

It wasn't about her, I suddenly realized. Practically every other song I'd ever written was about her, but this one was just about me. "Not Like You." It seemed to just flow out of me, but now I was wondering what it meant. I wasn't like her. I could go a few days without talking to anyone in my life, not just her. It had been weeks since I'd talked to my friends, or Aaron, or Backstreet. When I was working, that's all I thought about.

"Is it good?"

"I… I love it. I don't think it'll make it on the album, but it's the best thing I've done so far."

"Will you send it to me?"

I clicked on my email program. "I'll send it now." It was just a rough demo, so it wasn't that big of a file.

"Thank you," she said, quietly. "I can't wait to hear it."

"It's… it's not about-"

She stopped me. "Every song you write doesn't have to be about me, Nick. It's okay."

Every song I wrote lately was about him, but they all sucked. Overwrought did not lend itself to pop music very well. Pop music needed to be more clear-cut than 'I love my boyfriend, but sometimes I want to shake him. Hard.'

"Mixing going okay?" I asked him.

"Great," he said, his voice excited. "'Help Me' is definitely the single. Have I told you that? Max loves it and Jive's on board. I wanted to lead with 'Blow Your Mind', but…"

No. He hadn't told me that. "That's a little too rock for Jive, isn't it? I love that one, too, but I think that 'Help Me' is a great song. Did you keep the version I like, with the gay 'woo'?"

He laughed. I teased him that all boybands had lots of little shouts and 'woos' in their songs, and only AJ made them sound not gay. They even sounded gay when Nick did it.

"We took out the gay woo. Sorry."

"I like the gay woo. Hey, bunny, I'm standing in the parking lot of a Coffee Bean. Can I call you back?"

"Going back to Justin?" But he wasn't angry now.

"I did walk out on him. That wasn't very nice. What are you doing?"

"I came back to the hotel to catch up on phone calls and email and stuff. Not going out tonight."

It was scary how happy that made me. "Can I call you back? Like, an hour. Will you be asleep?"

"No. I promise. I want to talk to you, buttercup."

"Me too, Nick. Talk to you soon."

Fuck recording today. It wasn't going anywhere, anyway, which explained why I was getting coffee before noon. I'd say goodbye to Justin and go back to the studio and give my boys their coffees before going back to the house and lying next to the pool and talking to my boyfriend. I was allowed to be a rock star for an afternoon. Hell, we barely saw James, since he spent all his time at JC's place. If James could blow us off for his boyfriend, so could I.

I tried to say goodbye to Justin, but he walked back to the studio with me, teasing me about my phone date. He let me to go into my studio alone, however. Jeremy really didn't like him.

"I'm leaving," I said, putting down the coffees and grabbing my backpack. Jeremy grabbed my arm.

"Not so fast, Connor. We've go the studio for another couple of hours."

"Not me. I've got a date."

"A what?" James looked up from his coffee and then switched with Darien. "This is not the fat-free vanilla latte I ordered, Rache."

"Do I look like your waitress, James?" I smirked at him as Darien laughed. "Don't you laugh, drummer boy. You are the worst! What happened to regular black coffee from Dunkin' Donuts? Now it has to be a soy milk and fat free whip from Coffee Bean or you throw a fit!"

"Come on, Rache," Jeremy drawled sitting on the arm of the couch next to the door, probably in case I tried to make a break for it. I could see it now, Jeremy would trip me and I'd break my foot or something. "We're just giving you a good excuse to see the new boy toy."

"What the hell? What new… oh, for God's sake, Jeremy! I can't believe you're listening to the rumors. What are you, a 16-year-old girl?"

"No, but you are. Last summer it was Nick and this summer it's Justin… who's going to be vying for your attention next year when pop music is truly dead and buried? Will you move on to pseudo-punk bands? I hear that Good Charlotte guy is considered hot by the pre-teen set."

I took a step forward and punched Jeremy just like my brothers and a dozen classes in women's self defense had taught me to. Thumb on the outside and continue the swing after impact.

The room was silent for a second. Before Jeremy could start to yell at me, I picked up my backpack and walked past him, too angry to even try to explain.

Truth was, I couldn't explain. It all sounded so true. Had I turned into one of those stupid girls that I hated? Was all this drama really about Nick or Justin or whatever boy was turning my head?

"Rachel!" I turned back to the sound of James' voice, seeing his tall blurry frame through the tears welling up in my eyes. "Stop!"

"Just… go back and get J some ice."

"Why? He deserved it. He was egging you on and being an asshole. About time you reached the breaking point."

I slumped against the outside of the building, looking up at the sky and trying to take a deep breath. The sun felt so good on my face. I hated being holed up in the studio. Granted, it was a nice studio, but it was still cold and dark. We'd meet up every morning, accomplish nothing much and leave when it was getting dark out. So much for the creative process.

"Maybe we should go back to my place, James."

"What? Me and you?"

"All of us. It was so bad before with Dad and everything, but the album was good. Recording there was good. Maybe we need a change of scenery."

"What are you talking about? Are you hearing the same stuff I am?"

I just stared at James for a second. "Yes. It's all crap."

"It is not! Some of it's really good. Jeremy and Darien had a real vibe going yesterday when you were out…"

"Say it."

"Okay, when you were out with Justin. You are going out for coffee a lot. I doubt he's getting much done."

"I do not like Justin, James! That's just… God, what a teenybopper fantasy cliché… Jeremy's right. That's all it is."

"Well, just because you don't like him doesn't mean that the reverse is true."

I sighed, staring down at my fingernails, the red nail polish all chipped. I really needed a manicure. "Well, it doesn't matter because it's not happening. I love Nick."

"Yeah, but you don't seem to like him much lately, do you?"

"James! Is this really the place to have a heart-to-heart talk about my love life? I've gotta go. Nick's nine hours ahead and he said he'd stay up for me to call him back."

"Go. Go and talk to him. But Rache, know that I see what's happening, okay? I love you and I don't want to see the punk ass make you lose all perspective. Some of what we're doing is crap, but it's not all crap. There are some good songs in there. Don't be so preoccupied with Nick and what's going on there that you can't see the good stuff we're doing, okay?"

I half-smiled at him. "Bring the demos home tonight. I'll make pasta. Could you-"

I didn't want to say it. It was mean to ask. James loved being here and seeing JC all the time. All four of us were supposed to be living at our fancy rental house, but I didn't think James had slept there yet.

James smiled. "I think the boy can live without me for a night. Sure. Go talk to Nick and veg out for a bit. Quit thinking so hard."

Was that what I was doing? Over thinking everything?

"It's good, isn't it?" I asked James as Nick's new song ended.

He laid back on my bed. "Yeah. It's really good. Did he do it all by himself?"

"With Guy Chambers."

James shook his head. "Does he have any pull with the genius behind Robbie Williams? We could use some of that."

I spun my desk chair around, propping my feet at the end of the bed. "I thought you said we were writing good stuff!"

He shrugged. "Some of it. I'm not sure how much of it is radio worthy. What does Nick think of it?"

"Don't know. I didn't have any demos to send him."

Not that he'd asked for them. We'd talked for about an hour before he was exhausted and needed to sleep. The entire conversation revolved around him- the new songs he was doing, the mixes for the album, the song selection, his plans for the rest of the summer, when they'd shoot the video.

Not that I minded talking about him. His life was more interesting than mine right now. And we'd made plans to meet up for one of his boat races this weekend.

But it would have been nice if he'd asked about recording. Just a little interest. Hell, I hadn't even told Nick that I'd punched Jeremy!

James stretched out his foot and tapped my toes with his. "You okay? Like the toenail polish, by the way."

I had been able to give myself a pedicure while I was on the phone with Nick.

"I thought the silver was good, since I have a tan." Sorta. I'd been out in the sun a lot when I was home, but since we'd been in LA, we were in the studio most of the day, and the tan was fading.

"Good choice. Think we could get someone to come to the studio and do mani-pedis while we're recording?"

"Lola got us feather beds. I bet she could set something up. It'd be nice to get a treatment before I see Nick this weekend. I can take the weekend off, right?"

James grinned. "I plan to. You can take Nick the demos then. Maybe he can take them to Max Martin and get his magical pop star fairy dust to sprinkle on them, and we'll have a top ten single on our hands."

"Nick will forget to ask."

James arched an eyebrow at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head. "He's just wrapped up in the final stages of the album and the single and he's not seeing anything else."

"Not even you?"

I would not cry. "Not right now. But it's okay. He's excited about this album, and that's great."

"But he used to…"

I held up a hand, stopping him. "That was a year ago. It's different now. It's not new and fresh and challenging. He was great last summer, when we were just getting famous, and now I need to be supportive of him."

"You were supportive of him last summer, too. You were good for each other. I saw it. Last summer is no excuse for him to be selfish now."

"He's not. It's okay. I'm going to see him this weekend and we'll catch up."

"Seems like that's all you're doing. You're always trying to catch him."

I looked away, considering the palm tree outside my window. James was right. I felt like every free moment I had, I was trying to catch up with my boyfriend, and usually failing.

"I don't know, James. Am I just being selfish, wanting more from him?"

"No," James insisted, sitting up to be closer to me. "There are always compromises in relationships…"

We exchanged a look. JC still hadn't admitted to the world that he was gay, and it was starting to become more of an issue. But this was not the time for that discussion.

"But he's not compromising at all. He's off doing whatever the fuck he wants and you're waiting for him to come back. You are not that girl, Rachel."

I looked away, embarrassed. I was becoming one of those girls I hated. I did not want to be waiting by the phone for Nick to call every night.

James whacked my leg. "You are a strong, independent woman and he is lucky to have you. Yes, he's busy, and you want him to be successful. But he could call once in a while. He could say no when his manager tells him not to be seen in public with you."

I scowled at that one. Evidently I was practically a liability to him now.

"Rachel, you're letting this stuff with Nick ruin everything around you. Look at this place," he said, gesturing around the room. "We are recording in a real studio for the first time in our lives. And all you can do is complain. We have a great life, and you don't need Nick around to enjoy it a little."

"I'd enjoy it more if he was around."

Or if he even pretended to care.

"Of course you would, sweetie," James said, his voice softening. "But… don't be that girl that we hate. Don't build your whole life on him, when you have so much."

"Rachel! Are you making dinner?" Jeremy called from downstairs. He couldn't make dinner?

I had promised, hadn't I?

"I have bandmates who expect me to be their private chef, you mean."

"You love it," James said, and I had to smile. I did like impressing everyone with my cooking.

He got off the bed and held out a hand to me. "C'mon. Let's make dinner and listen to some demos and enjoy this house. Screw Nick."

I let James lead me downstairs, where Darien and Jeremy were in the kitchen, poking around in the kitchen. "There's stuff in the fridge," I said. I had made some nibbly stuff after I got off the phone with Nick, because I knew as soon as the guys got back, they'd be hungry.

"I saw," Jeremy said, emerging from the refrigerator with the tray of veggies and dip I'd prepared.

"Oh, my god," I said, looking at him and his black eye. "Did I do that?"

"He's fine," Darien said, taking the tray from Jeremy. "Give me the munchies."

"Jeremy, I'm sorry," I started to say, going over to him, and he shook his head.

"I deserved it. I've been a jerk to you lately, and-"

"You are always a jerk to me, J. I should be used to it."

"That's what I told you!" Darien said, around a mouthful of carrot. "You do not need to give her the gelato."

"Gelato?" I asked hopefully, and Jeremy nodded towards the freezer.

"Caramel. Your favorite."

I smiled. "You're forgiven."

"We went down to Robertson to look at the pretty girls and get ice cream," Darien informed me, and I looked back at James.

"Was James the away team?"

"Isn't he always?" Jeremy said. "She okay now?" he asked James.

James gave him the thumbs up and I whacked him. "I would like to remind all of you that Jeremy was basically accusing me of dating guys for the publicity."

"Isn't that why you were with Jeremy?" Darien asked.

"No, it was for his sweet and sensitive disposition," James countered.

"I am not one of those stupid girls you love to ogle down on Robertson," I told them.

"I know," Darien said. "You're not blond."

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Do you want dinner or not?"

"Hey! I was agreeing with you. You're not a stupid vapid girl."

"I was joking, Rachel," Jeremy said seriously, and I shrugged.

"You were mad because I left the studio to talk to Nick."

"You cannot fuck off recording whenever he's free. We have work to do!"

Aha. The truth comes out. James and Darien were quiet at his outburst, just watching us.

"I know," I said. "I'm not going to be that girl I hate."

"You never were with me."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "You're the one who beat it out of me. I don't want to wait by the phone, hoping he'll call."

"He's Nick," Darien offered. "He calls like twenty times a day."

"Not anymore." I was lucky if I got a phone call once a day now. It used to be that neither of us could sleep unless we talked to one another, but that had evidently gone away.

James whacked him, and I shook my head. "That's my problem, not yours. I'm not bringing it to work with me any more. Promise."

"But you are taking this weekend off to see him," James reminded me.

"Make me the bad guy. What are your plans with JC?"

"Same as every weekend," Darien said. "Hide away in the love nest and fuck like bunnies. Shall we plan a romantic getaway, J?"

"I love the wine country," Jeremy teased. "Let's find a nice little bed and breakfast in Sonoma."

"Fuck you both," James said, and I went to start dinner, knowing they'd moved on to teasing James. I'd talked about Nick enough today. I needed to think about something else.

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