Oreos for Breakfast: Chapter 28

Oreos For Breakfast: Chapter 32
By the Paperbag Princess and Pumpkin Coach

James' car was in the driveway. We had a fleet of convertible VW Beetles on loan while we were in LA, because they liked us. James had the black one, and JC's bright red Aston Martin was next to it.

Darien and Jeremy's cars were gone. That was good. And JC's car was here, but maybe he wasn't. Maybe he went somewhere with the other guys while James stayed here.

Yeah. I believed that one. It was possible that James and JC had gone out with the guys, but not just JC, leaving James behind so that I could cry on his shoulder about my unsuccessful weekend.

I parked my silver car behind JC's and grabbed my bag out of the trunk, going inside. "James?" I called. "JC?"

No answer.

"Sorry if I'm screwing up your alone time… I can go away…"

I didn't want to go away. I wanted to be home and lick my wounds.

Okay, maybe Roscoe's for some comfort food. But I wanted James now. He'd listen to me and tell me if I was being stupid.

I didn't hear anything from upstairs, so I dropped my bag next to the door and headed for the pool. We spent most of our time here around the pool. It was an infinity pool that seemed to drop off the side of the hill this house was on. We joked that we'd film a video here, because it was like being in a music video every day.

The sun was in my eyes, so I had to step outside to see if anyone was out there. I was about to call out his name when I saw them.

James and JC were in the pool, kissing. James was leaning against the side, and JC was attacking him, greedily devouring his mouth, their bodies pressed together. Shit, that was… hot.

They stopped to breathe for a second and James cupped JC's face in his hands, kissing his forehead, his closed eyes, his cheekbones and my heart twisted.

My heart twisted for a million reasons. Because Nick and I used to be like that- greedy one second and tender the next. Because I should not be watching a moment of such intimacy. Because they were about to have sex and I was probably going to ruin that. Because they loved each other and they had to keep it a secret.

I hated that. Most of the time, I tried to just support James in whatever he wanted, and I knew he wanted JC more than anything in the world. But sometimes, when I saw little things like this, I hated JC for keeping it a secret. They should be together, forever, because James was as happy as I'd ever seen him, but he couldn't keep it a secret forever. The secret was going to destroy them, and I didn't even want to imagine what that would do to my James.

I started to go back inside, to leave them alone, but I tripped over one of the little tables outside, and there was the sound of metal on concrete. They both looked over, and James' expression turned to concern when he saw me. I had originally planned to take a late flight back, and it was only two in the afternoon. He knew this wasn't good. "Rachel?" he said, without removing his arms from his boyfriend. "What are you doing here?"

"Nothing. Got an earlier flight. I'll go shopping or something, leave you guys alone."

I started to turn, but they both called my name, stopping me. Both of them? Had James' overprotectiveness of me rubbed off on his boyfriend?

"Don't you dare," James said, making his way across the pool to me. "I want to know why you're here."

"I'm fine," I said. All three of us knew I was lying.

James started to get out of the pool, then stopped. "Okay, can't exactly get out of the pool now."

Yeah. I was a little flushed from what I'd just seen. I imagined he had quite the hard-on.

"I can go away," I said.

"I'm not wearing anything," James admitted, and I laughed.

"I've been you naked before, James."

He glanced back at JC, who was behind him, and I grinned. "And I'd love to see JC naked."

"No," JC said, and I pouted at him. The chest was nice. I'd love to see the rest.

They didn't move, so I grabbed the towels draped over one of the chairs and went to the side of the pool, looking away as I held them out. "Fine. I won't look."

After a second, I heard the water move, then the towels were snatched out of my hand.

"You're naked out in this sun? Don't things get burned?"

"There are many uses for suntan lotion, Rache," James said.

"Ew!" Had they had sex out here? More than I needed to know. "Isn't that bad? Aren't you supposed to only sex-approved products?"

"You feel okay, Jace?" James asked.

"I feel just fine," JC responded, and I could hear the satisfied little smile in his voice.

"While I'm not looking for a minute, I need to ask one more question, then we'll stop talking about your sex life."

They both laughed. "What?" JC asked me.

"James is the top?" James never seemed like the top to me. Sometimes… but he wasn't exactly a manly man.

"We trade, Rache," James said. "It's not always one way or the other."

"Is it mostly one way or the other?"

They were quiet for a moment, considering. "We don't keep a tally," James said.

"It's pretty even, I think," JC added. "Both ways are good. All ways are good. Don't you and Nick take turns being on top?"

I had to think about that. We used to. Lately, it was usually from behind.

That said something about our relationship, didn't it?

"Yeah, we do," I lied. "Can I turn around now?"

"We're decent."

Dude, how long had I been staring at nothing while they were all reclined in their deck chairs? They probably loved that I was standing there looking stupid. I pulled a chair over to them and rested my feet on James' chair.

"Now, why are you here like twelve hours earlier than you should be?"

"Sorry I ruined your day. Where are the guys?"

"Jeremy's in the studio screwing around with something and Darien is out with Mari."

"Mari's here?"

James shrugged. "The place she was working at had a fire, so they're closed for at least a week, and he flew her out here."

"Sucks for the restaurant, but cool that she gets to visit."

I loved Mari, and I loved that Darien seemed to be serious with her. It had been nearly a year since they re-connected on 9/11, and things were still good. He still flirted with every pretty girl he saw, but no one got to come home with him.

"Yes. Very cool. We're all pleased. You didn't answer my question."

I shrugged. "No big deal. He wanted to see the races and hang out with his friends, so I left to give him a little time with them. He didn't need me hanging around. I find the races really boring."

"Races?" JC asked, and James answered for me.

"Nick bought his big fuck-off racing boat. It's like NASCAR on the water. Lots of guys proving their manhood with fast machines."

JC wrinkled his nose, and I laughed. "That's how I feel. But Nick loves it, and he gets so little time off, he should enjoy it."

"He should enjoy his time off with you," James said, poking my leg with his foot. If I'd been closer, he would have whacked me.

"He did." Sorta. This morning had been good. "We had a really nice brunch this morning, just the two of us."

That had been good. While I'd been changing my flight, he got a recommendation from the hotel, and we went to a cute little restaurant where we sat outside in the garden and had a great meal. He'd even left his cell phone back at the hotel, so it was just us.

"That was it? The only alone time you had was this morning?"

A few months ago, we would have had room service, and he would have begged me to change my flight time, and spend all day with him in the hotel room. Today he really didn't want me to miss my flight.

"It's okay. I knew I was going there for the boat race, and I wouldn't have him all to myself."

James raised an eyebrow at me, and I leaned back in my chair with a sigh. "It was horrible," I admitted. "Yesterday was long and boring and I felt like I was just in the way, then he left me alone for two fucking hours in the hotel room, when he told me he'd be right up, and we had a huge fucking fight about it."

And stupid, angry sex, but JC didn't need to know that much, and James would just yell at me about it anyway.

"I'm sorry, Rachel," James said softly, and I shook my head, blinking back tears.

"We made up last night. We talked about it, and I offered to leave early, so he could have his guy time. It was my idea."

"Which he did not try to talk you out of," James said.

"No," I whispered. "He really liked that idea. That's bad, isn't it? He used to freak out whenever I left him. Today he pushed me into a cab to the airport."

"No," JC said, trying to be nice. "You had your nice brunch. He wanted to be with you."

"It sucks!" James corrected. "I used to have to fight for time with you when he was around."

"But that isn't good, either," JC countered. "They shouldn't be so wrapped up in one another that they can't be with other people."

James gave him a disbelieving look. "Who was the one dancing around the house when Jeremy and Darien left this morning?"

"Rachel's here now and I'm fine!"

Were James and JC fighting? They never did that!

"If she had come in sans crisis, you'd be complaining."

"I would not," JC said, glancing at me. "And if Jeremy and Darien had stayed this morning, it would have been fine. I can be with you and with other people."

"But wouldn't you rather be with me and other people, then with just other people?"

That ended JC's argument that was supposed to make me feel better, and he knew it. He looked at me, trapped, and I leaned forward.

"Exactly! That is exactly what is wrong. Nick has decided somewhere along the line that he can only be with me alone, and only when it fits into his schedule. I am no longer a priority in his life. I'm not part of his life. I'm this little bit that's important when he's horny, and not really any other time."

They were both quiet for a second after my outburst, and finally James spoke. "What about you? Is he part of your life?"

"He's… he's everything. I'm always thinking about him. I want to share things with him, and it hurts when he doesn't care. He hasn't heard any of our new songs, James. I had them with me, but he didn't ask to hear them, so I didn't play them."

"You don't need for him to ask. You know he wants to hear them. He loves our music."

I shook my head. "No. I want him to ask. I want him to remember for a minute that I have a career, too. He's so focused on this album. He's way more in love with his music now than he is with me."

I took a deep breath. "Part of that is cool. He certainly never felt this way about any Backstreet music, and I love seeing him this passionate about it. But it's taking away from how much he loves me, and I hate that."

"Maybe…" James started. "I can't believe I'm saying this. But maybe you need to spend some time apart."

I gasped. I couldn't help it. As hurt as I was by Nick, I still couldn't imagine walking away from him, not really.

James sat up, closer to me. "Not forever. Maybe just a couple of months, during the whole album release thing."

"But… but I want to be there for him through that."

"I know. I know you do. And I know he says he wants you there. But this is the first thing that he's ever done that's all his, Rache. Maybe he needs the time to be selfish and stupid and just revel in being a solo star. He's only twenty-two. He's a kid."

I looked away, unable to meet the truth in James' eyes.

"He will come back to you, Rachel. I'm sure of it."

"I'm not," I admitted, feeling the tears in my eyes.

"He will," James assured me. "He needs some time to be a kid, and Rache, you need some time to figure out what you want."

"I'm a mess. I know."

"You're amazing. You're the most amazing woman I know, but you don't know that anymore. Before you met Nick, you were confident and sexy and funny, and he just brought that out in you even more. Now he's making you question everything you do and you don't need that shit in your life."

"He's not…" I started, and James cut me off, his voice fierce.

"You don't need him, or anyone, to tell you how great you are. Do you think you earned the label 'wanton sex goddess' just because you were dating Nick fucking Carter? He had nothing to do with that. That was all you just being yourself. You're not that woman anymore, Rachel, and I miss her."

I met James' eyes, his form blurry through my tears. "JC, when I marry James, I promise you can still have him for the sex stuff."

"When I marry James," JC countered, "You can still have him for the advice stuff."

Okay. That would be fine. I wanted JC to marry James. Any man who could sit here while James talked to me like this could stay forever. No one had ever been around when James and I had had one of our real heart-to-heart conversations.

"No one's marrying me!" James said. "I'm just… I just can't stand the way Nick is treating you lately, Rache."

"I can't stand it, either," I admitted. "But I don't know if I can leave him."

"Don't leave him. It's a break."

"It would be a break-up, and we both know that. I can't. Not yet." I couldn't breathe at the very thought of it.

"Okay." James sighed. "I have no advice left to offer. So now is when we self-medicate with junk food."

I laughed, brushing my tears away. "Can we go to Roscoe's?"

"Can we make cookies when we get back?" JC asked hopefully. Oh, yeah. He was so one of us.

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