Oreos for Breakfast: Chapter 28

Oreos For Breakfast: Chapter 33
By the Paperbag Princess and Pumpkin Coach

"He's looking for me."

James looked up as I walked into the living room. I'd been outside, sitting on the balcony while I talked to Katie and Colleen.

"What? Who?"

I could read his annoyance. The only reason I was allowed to talk to the girls was because James let me. He was screening all of my calls.

"Nick," I said, sitting down and handing James my phone again. I didn't want it. "Katie called because they saw the Porsche driving by the vineyard."

"There are other Porsches in the world, Rachel."

"I'm not sure how many bright yellow ones there are."

I hated that car. He'd given it to me after a stupid fight, and it always seemed to lead to others.

Could I sell it now?

James nodded, admitting defeat. It was a pretty noticeable car. And Nick had a key.

"Did they go to the Point house? Is he sitting outside, crying for you?"

He might be. He would be like that. At least the old Nick would be. He'd beg me to stay, and tell me how much he loved me, and…

Then the new Nick would take over again, and break my heart. No, I couldn't trust him. As much as part of me loved the idea of him pining for me, I knew it wouldn't last. Maybe a day. Maybe two, or a week, but then he'd be out partying with his friends and picking up blondes.

That was fine. He was allowed to do that now.

"Rachel…" James said, his voice low, and I looked at him.

"I don't… I won't be able to stand it if I hear that he's dating someone else."

"It's been a day, sweetheart."

"He was flirting with Paris fucking Hilton last night. When I was in the fucking room! I'm sure that once he gets used to the idea, he'll be screwing anything blonde."

"Well…" James started, and I shook my head, not looking at him.

"I know. He's not mine anymore, and he can sleep with as many hotel heiresses as he wants."

"Do you really want to be with someone who wants Paris freaking Hilton?"

I wanted to be with Nick. I didn't care if he really liked skinny blondes. I could dye my hair and lose twenty pounds. I wanted my sweet, adorable Nick back. Was he going to meet someone else and be that guy with her? I'd lost the good Nick that loved me a while ago. Was he gone forever, or just for me?

"No," I muttered, knowing it was the right answer to James' question.

"Is that why you broke up?" James asked, his voice gentle. "Because of a vapid hotel heiress?"

I hadn't told him, had I? I was so used to James reading my mind that I forgot that sometimes I had to tell him things. Since James had found me in the hotel bathroom, it was all a bit of a blur. He and JC had made a lot of phone calls while I sat and stared blankly at 3 am infomercials on television, and we'd gotten to the airport at five in the morning for a 7 o'clock flight.

Now we were in Florida and there was nothing to do but talk. Except for that, I liked it here. It was a big pretty house on the beach, and I'd never been here before, so there was nothing that could remind me of Nick.

Except for every palm tree and Waffle House sign and anything that looked remotely like a rabbit. Other than that there were no Nick memories.

If I could manage to not think about him for another six months, I might make it through this without a meltdown. I hadn't cried yet. That was good, right?

"Rachel," James said, a bit challenging, and I sighed.

James was going to make me talk about it, wasn't he?

Bastard.

JC had gone out to get some groceries and I knew then that James would ambush me and try to get me to talk about my feelings and cry. I didn't want to cry, or talk about it. I just wanted to sit here and not think.

But James would just bug me until I gave in, so I did.

"Paris Hilton is not why we broke up," I said. "She's just the ultimate symbol of how he doesn't care about me."

"He does care about you," James corrected, and I shook my head.

"Don't even. We won two freaking awards last night and not only did my fucking boyfriend never congratulate me, he flirted with another woman right in front of me. Hell, he tried to convince me to go back to the hotel and let him go on to another party with her."

"What?"

"Sorta. I let him know that pissed me off and he finally let her go. Then we had a huge fight in the car and he said I was too much trouble and he'd rather be with someone easy and I… that was it. That was just the last fight."

"Because he said you're difficult?"

"No. Just because it was the last fight. It wasn't much different than the millions of other fights we've had this summer. It was just… that was it. If he could fly all the way out to New York to surprise me and the night still ended with him flirting with someone else and us fighting in the car, then… he doesn't care, James. Not really. He wants something that I can never be."

"You're not that girl."

I felt tears in my eyes. "I hate that girl."

James came over to sit next to me on the couch. "That girl sucks. She's not strong and funny and independent. She just follows him around and does whatever he wants and never tells him when he's being an asshole."

"He used to love that I never took any of his shit. He said that, all the time. He loved that I was my own person and he loved the band and he…" My voice broke, and I took a deep breath. "When did I become such a bitch to him?"

"Rache… I… I can't say you've been a great girlfriend this summer. But how could you be, when he was being a jerk?"

"Who fucked it up first? Was it me? Because this has felt an awful lot like Jeremy lately. What did I do wrong? Why do I always do that? I don't want…"

James put his arms around me, pulling me against his chest. "Listen to me, Rachel Conner. You are an amazing woman. Jeremy was always an asshole, and you just didn't see it. Nick started out great, but he's been a jerk lately. He's only twenty-two years old, and he's doing this solo album and he doesn't know what he wants. That is not your fault."

"If I was better, he'd know what he wanted. He'd want me."

James hugged me tighter. "He's going to kick himself someday, Rachel. Mark my words. It might be a month from now, or a year, or when he's 40. But he's going to know that he threw away the best thing that ever happened to him."

"Maybe I threw away the best thing that ever happened to me. Maybe I should have been nicer to him this summer, instead of picking fights all the time."

"Then he would have been sleeping with other girls, not just flirting with them."

"He wouldn't have needed to. He wouldn't have looked at other girls, if I was enough for him."

"Stop it. Don't go down this self-destructive path. He was an asshole all summer, and you couldn't stop that. You'd hate yourself even more now if you'd bit back every angry word and tried to be a Stepford girlfriend, because it still would have ended this way. If he wants a glorified groupie girlfriend, well, that's his bad taste."

"He used to want me," I whispered.

"I know," James admitted. "He did."

"Why can't I have a relationship that lasts, James? Why am I great in the beginning and then they lose interest?"

"Because every man in your life but me has lousy taste."

I almost smiled at that. "But you like boys."

"I do. But I love you, sweetheart. I've loved you since I was 12, and I will love you forever."

That did me in. James might have just said it because he knew it would finally make me cry, and I needed to cry. But it worked. I started sobbing and didn't stop until we heard my phone again.

I pulled myself off the couch, holding out my hand for my phone. James shook his head. "Mom's ring," I told him.

"Did you tell the girls?"

I shook my head, "Do you think I have a death wish? Colleen didn't talk to me for a week the last time we broke up. She might disown me now. No. We just talked about the VMAs and they said they saw the Porsche. I told them it wasn't me."

"But your mother is smarter than a twelve-year-old girl, isn't she?"

I sighed, "Apparently."

Mom didn't even let me say anything, "Honey, did something happen the last time you were here?"

"What do you mean, Mom?"

"Jon and I came over to feed Bates and the glass in the front door was broken. It's cleaned up, though. And I don't think anything is missing. Jon said we should call the police, but I'm thinking it was just an accident."

I covered my eyes with my hand, shaking. I knew exactly what it was. I could almost see it. Nick went to find me, and even though my car wasn't at the house, he'd gone inside just to make sure. He hadn't been able to find the key, so he'd broken the window to get in, overwrought and upset and angry.

That proved he loved me, didn't it? He cared about me enough to try and find me. The girls had seen the Porsche. He must have started at James', then taken the car when he realized I wasn't there.

He wanted to find me. Why was I in fucking Florida when I should have been home and findable?

"Rachel?" Mom said, when I didn't answer.

"It was Nick, Mom."

"Nick? But he hasn't been here for months. You should have told us it was broken, we could have gotten it fixed."

If only my relationships were as easy to fix as a window.

"No, Mommy. It was today."

Mom was quiet, trying to figure out what I was telling her.

"He was looking for me. We broke up last night, and I guess he went looking for me. The girls called earlier to say they saw the Porsche driving past the vineyard."

"Did the girls see the Porsche?" Mom asked Jon, and I heard his voice, low and deep like Dad's.

The last thing I needed to do now was to think about Dad.

"Where are you?" Mom asked me.

"Florida," I told her. "I lied to the girls before and told them I'd be home tomorrow. I just… I…"

"Are you looking for Nick?" she asked, and I smiled a bit at that.

"No," I said. "At three in the morning, when JC offered his place in Florida for me to hide out, it made perfect sense."

"Why didn't you come home? You know we're always here for you, sweetie."

I blinked back tears. "I couldn't, Mom. Nick and I have spent so much time there, and it's such a special place to us. I will come home, soon, but not right now. I need this to sink in a little first."

"Where are you? Do you want me to come there? You sound heartbroken, darling."

I could feel a sob in my throat, and I fought against it. I did not want to break down on my mom. That wasn't fair to her when she was so far away. There wasn't anything she could do. Not really. She could hold me and let me cry. It'd been a long time since she'd had to do that. A long time since I'd been home when I was this upset. Suddenly, I was tired. I just wanted to be home.

"I am," I admitted. "James and JC are here with me. James wouldn't let me come by myself."

"Good. You shouldn't be alone right now."

"I'm not."

Nick was. Nick didn't have anyone to turn to right now. I had people fighting to be my shoulder to cry on, and he didn't have anyone.

Anna. Anna was in Los Angeles filming the video with him. He needed to go back there and talk to her.

I hoped she could help him. Should I call her and tell her what happened? Give her a heads up?

No. I couldn't tell anyone else. Nick could tell Anna.

"What happened, sweetheart?" Mom asked, her voice quiet. "I know he hasn't been around much lately, but you seemed to love each other so much."

"Oh… everything. He's really caught up in the solo album, and that's great, but… he wants to be solo in everything in his life right now."

"I saw the two of you at the VMAs last night, and you looked happy."

"We were, for a minute. But we've been fighting all summer and at one of the parties…"

Could I tell my mom that he was flirting with someone else? How fucking humiliating.

"We just got into another fight and I couldn't stand it any longer. I didn't want this to become like me and Jeremy. So we broke up."

"I'm so sorry, baby."

"It was horrible," I said, unable to stop myself from crying. "I didn't want to do it, but I had to."

"You've been unhappy all summer, but I thought that was because you missed him and you were worried about the new album."

"It was that, too. But when we did see each other, we always ended up fighting and… I don't know what happened, Mommy. We used to be so happy."

"I guess he just wasn't the right one for you, Rachel. I thought he was, but if he couldn't see what a gift he had in you, then he doesn't deserve you."

Leave it to Mom to say the right thing.

"Yeah," I said, wiping away my tears. "I'm too good for him. That's what James keeps telling me."

"James is being very good, isn't he?"

"After a couple of days, he might drive me crazy, but right now, it's nice. He's screening all my calls."

"Has Nick tried to call?"

"No." Unless James was lying to me, and I doubted that. Nick was searching New York state for me, but he hadn't called.

That was weird, wasn't it? What was he planning on saying to me when he saw me? Did he think that just showing up would make me forget the whole summer?

It just might. He wasn't as dumb as I thought.

"Sounds like he was looking for you, though. Is it good that he didn't find you?"

Mom didn't sound sure about that. Neither was I.

"I… I guess. It's better that it's just over."

Maybe in six months I'd actually believe that. Would it take me six months for that to happen? Maybe I should have just ended it without giving us both that hope. Deep down I knew what would happen, but it was too scary to admit even to myself, let alone say out loud.

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