Oreos for Breakfast: Chapter 28

Oreos For Breakfast: Chapter 33
By the Paperbag Princess and Pumpkin Coach

One of the great things about living by myself is that I didn't have to wait for anyone if I wanted to grab a quick breakfast. It always took James forever to get out of the house. Which was multiplied when JC was around.

I woke up this morning, decided I was hungry while I was in the shower, and now, fifteen minutes later, I was at my new favorite diner around the corner from my apartment, with coffee and a bagel and the papers.

Rehearsal was in two hours, which gave me plenty of time to enjoy breakfast and maybe even shop a little. I still needed bookshelves and some lamps. And sheets and stuff for the two single beds in the guest bedroom. The girls were coming to visit this weekend. I needed to do that.

I flipped through the papers, hoping for someone having a sale on sheets, but the gossip column distracted me.

"Paris Hilton in Sex Tape Shocker!"

I mean, who could resist that?

It wasn't with Nick, was it? Nah. He was way more famous than her. Then it would be "Backstreet Boy in Sex Tape Shocker!"

Shit.

I had to put down my coffee cup before I spilled it. Fuck Paris. There was a sex tape out there of Nick and me.

Not even a tape. It was a computer file. How easy would that be to download and sell all over the Internet?

Surely Nick had destroyed it. Was this the PR equivalent of the Twin Towers falling down? We could call each other if there was a major terrorist attack, someone died or his skanky new girlfriend had a sex tape leak on the Internet and I was terrified that it was only a matter of time before ours surfaced, too.

He didn't hate me that much, did he? Happened all the time. Ex-boyfriends decided to cash in on their relationships. Someone you trusted sold you out for fame or fortune. Hell, Paris wasn't even that famous.

At least I knew Jeremy wouldn't sell me out. Even he still had it.

I tossed some money on the table and ran out of the restaurant and on to the subway across town to Jeremy's apartment. I might not be able to call Nick, but I could scream at Jeremy all I wanted.

"Tell me you burned it!"

Jeremy rubbed his eyes, blinking at me.

"Burned what? What time is it, Rache? We're not rehearsing until noon, right? What do I have to burn for rehearsal?"

"This isn't about rehearsal," I said, pushing past him into his messy apartment. "Just tell me… that tape we had… tell me you burned it."

"What…" Suddenly he got it and he slammed the door, leaning back against it. "Oh, that tape."

"Yes. Tell me you don't actually watch it. Ewww!"

"You're hot, babe," he tried to joke and I could have kicked him. He still fucking had it? What the hell?

"If you tell me you jerk off to a tape of us… I will hit you so hard you will never be able to get it up again!" He bent over, his hands flying between his legs to protect himself. "Where the hell is it, you asshole?"

"Rachel! Take it down like 10 notches, okay? Give a guy a second to catch up. Why do you care? You've never asked about it before."

"Fuck you, J! I want it. If you still have it, I want it and I want it fucking destroyed."

"Who am I gonna show it to, Rache? I'm not that much of an asshole!"

"That's what they all say," I muttered and the next thing I knew Jeremy was standing in front of me, his hands on my shoulders.

"What? Don't tell me the punkass has a tape of you, too?"

Now I really wanted to hit him as he smirked down at me. "That's is none of your business. I just… I want…"

What did I want?

I wanted to know I could trust Nick with that video. But I didn't know anything about Nick any longer.

I sat down on the couch, leaning my head on my hands. "I want that fucking tape, Jeremy."

"Rache," Jeremy's voice was low next to my ear as I felt him sit next to me. "The tape is history. I swear. When we broke up that last time, I destroyed it. I was so angry that I got rid of everything you'd ever given me. Believe me, it's in a landfill somewhere and it won't come back to haunt you on the Internet."

"Everything?"

Jeremy's face softened and he licked his bottom lip as he considered me. "Just about."

"How could you do that? I still have things you gave me. Pictures and jewelry and silly love notes from when you still had a sappy bone in your body."

He smiled at that. "You're a girl, Rache. You keep stupid stuff."

"It's not stupid!" I argued, sitting up and looking at him.

"Whatever, dear. It's not stupid… but I wasn't keeping it. I didn't want stuff around that reminded me of how much I fucked up, okay? I know we didn't work and believe me we're beyond that now, but there was a time when I didn't think so… I don't know, maybe it hurt too much to be reminded of that. So I trashed everything."

"How'd you destroy it?" I narrowed my eyes at him. I remembered everything about that day that I'd thrown Jeremy out of the apartment. The next thing I knew Damon was filling the void and life was almost a blur until Dad died and suddenly my life was changed forever… and Jeremy was back in it.

It was so weird how life worked.

Jeremy smiled at me, reaching over and tucking a stray curl behind my ear. "I pulled the tape out and tore it up, and then I think I burned it."

"You were in a burning phase, weren't you? Were you really going to torch my clothes?"

He shrugged, "I thought about it. But… no, that would have been mean to the neighbors. The fire department would have taken forever to get there, and their places would have been trashed."

I had to laugh at that. "You are a freak, Jeremy Nolan."

I didn't really want to be reminiscing about our relationship, but it was better than obsessing about Nick.

"I'm a freak!" Jeremy laughed. "I'm not the one freaking out about non-existent sex tapes!"

I got up and found the paper where I'd tossed it on the floor when I'd walked in the door. I'd kept it clutched in my hand the whole ride over here.

"This freaked me out a little. I'm way more famous that her."

Jeremy glanced at the article, smiling as he read it. "Paris Hilton is fucking hot."

"You're smoking crack," I said. "She is vacuous and boring. I bet it's not even a very exciting tape."

"We can ask…"

Even Jeremy wasn't that stupid. He glanced at me before I could say anything.

"Nevermind," he said quickly. "She's vacuous and blonde and this will blow over in a minute, I'm sure. Our tape is history. But what about… the other one?"

I think my boys were a little afraid to say Nick's name. That was okay with me.

I collapsed on the couch again. "It's a computer file now. We made it on his digital video camera and I deleted it off the camera myself."

"On his computer or yours?"

"Both," I admitted.

"You can take care of your copy. But… babe, you have got to get him to destroy that file. If one of his stupid friends gets a hold of it…"

I groaned, covering my face with my hands. Fuck. If Vinnie ever found out about it… he wouldn't need to leech off of Nick any longer. He'd make a fortune.

"You're right. I have to figure out a way to get rid of that video."

"Nick!" Anna demanded and I stumbled to the door.

"You're not room service."

"No. Did you order room service? I need your computer."

Okay, maybe I'd just thought about ordering room service. I needed coffee. It had been a long night.

Anna pushed past me, looking into the room. "Is Vinnie here?"

"No, he got lucky."

He always got lucky when I didn't. I was the pop star. How come my friends got more girls than I did?

Probably because I got too drunk to do anything but come back here and sleep. London was not good for sobriety.

"Good," Anna said, considering me. "It's better that we're alone. Get your computer and I'll order you room service. Want anything besides coffee?"

"I think I'm hungry."

"A proper fry-up, then. Lots of grease."

Rachel used to say that about British breakfasts. "A proper fry-up." She liked baked beans and eggs.

"No beans," I said to Anna, going back to the bedroom to find my computer.

I actually sorta liked the beans, but I wasn't prepared for Rachel memories yet today.

"Do you hate beans or is it a Rachel thing?"

I turned around to look at her. "Rachel, maybe."

Anna shook her head, reaching for the phone. "Beans are about to be the least of your worries."

"Why?" Had she talked to Rachel? Did something happen?

Anna just pointed back to the bedroom, already talking to room service. I knew better than to argue with Anna, so I threw on some clothes and joined her back in the living room with my laptop.

"What's going on?" I asked, sitting next to her.

She took the computer from me and set it on the coffee table, opening it. "Rachel called me."

I'd sorta figured that already, so I managed to be calm in my reaction. What I really wanted to do was have Anna tell me every word of what they'd said.

"Why?"

Anna just looked at the computer. "Maybe this will help it make sense."

"What? Is she okay?"

Anna glanced over at me. "She's fine. She just needed me to do her a favor."

She typed something and then I was looking at a website. "Paris Hilton in Sex Tape Shocker!"

I read the article, smiling to myself. "That's pretty hot."

Anna whacked me. "Men are pigs. I almost feel sorry for her, and I hate Paris Hilton."

"You've never even met her!"

"I don't need to. But, um… Rachel wasn't calling me because she felt sorry for Paris."

"Then why… oh."

Our tape. Computer file. Whatever.

"No!" I said, reaching for the computer, and Anna pulled it away from me.

"Nick, Rachel asked me to destroy it."

"No! It's mine! And I'm your boss, and I was your friend first, so no!"

Anna took the computer across the room, setting it on the desk and putting her body in front of it. "One word for you. Vinnie."

"He's never near my computer!"

She raised an eyebrow at me. "He is on your computer all the freaking time."

He was. I had all sorts of business stuff on there, and sometimes he checked my email and sorted out the real stuff for me.

"I know you don't want to destroy everything about your relationship with Rachel. I get that. But you have lots of other things from her. This thing could be a lot of bad publicity for you both."

"Shit," I said, looking away from her. I did not want to read the headline "Ex-Backstreet Boy in Sex Tape Shocker!" That wouldn't do much good for my solo career.

But it was a good video. Rachel and I loved each other. It wasn't some cheap meaningless sex. Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee survived a sex tape scandal and everyone just felt sorry for them.

But they were married. Rachel and I were broken up and this could be a mess and Vinnie wouldn't care. I knew that.

"Dude, don't tell me you, like, watch it," Anna said, but I didn't smile.

"I haven't even really thought about it since we broke up." Just late at night when I was really exhausted and depressed. I thought about watching it those times when I needed to remind myself that Rachel did love me once.

"I have a Rachel file," I said. "It's in there. Don't…"

"I won't destroy everything," Anna said quietly, and I heard her sit down at the desk. "Is it the only video?"

"No," I answered. I had lots of video of Rachel. Her with her family, and on stage, and when we were in the Keys with Aaron and… shit. Lots of things I didn't want to think about.

Anna was quiet for a minute. "Um, sweetie, could you give me a hint? You couldn't just name it 'hot monkey sex' or something?"

That made me smile a little, and I turned my head so I could see Anna and the computer. "Then it would be too obvious. It's got a number in the title."

"Tell me it's not 69."

"No," I laughed. "The first one is 22." Because we'd made it one night after a boat race.

Suddenly there was a picture of Rachel on the screen, sprawled out on a bed, dressed in white silk and lace.

I felt like someone had punched me. For the last few weeks, it had been really easy to convince myself that I didn't need Rachel. But no one else had ever looked at me like she did. Her eyes were warm and soft and sexy and I…

"Delete it," I said, trying not to listen.

Rachel's voice was cut off mid-moan, and I heard the familiar sounds of my computer eating a file, never to be found again.

Was that what was going to happen to Rachel and me? Our relationship trashed?

"Rachel said there were two files," Anna said, her voice careful. I looked back, and she was twisted around in the chair, considering me with that worried look on her face.

"27," I said. Because that's how old Rachel was.

Now she was 28. I'd missed her birthday. Again. Why did we always break up around her birthday? After all the things she did to make my birthday special, I'd screwed up two of hers.

I sucked.

"We can't go off the bed," Rachel's voice said.

"That's it," I said. "Delete it."

I heard the computer deleting another file, and I took a deep breath.

"Is that it?" Anna asked.

"Yes," I told her.

There were pictures… but you couldn't tell what those were. Vinnie was not smart enough to figure those out.

Rachel had evidently not told Anna about the pictures, because she took my word for it and turned off the computer. Not that I wanted to look at the pictures. Maybe Anna should just delete all my Rachel stuff.

My heart sank. Had Rachel deleted everything I'd ever sent her when she destroyed our sex video?

Anna hadn't told me, really, but I knew Rachel had destroyed the sex tape, too. It was gone forever. The two of us had the only copies.

A knock on the door made me jump, and Anna got up to get our breakfast. By the time the waiter left, I felt a little more normal. I sat down across from Anna and looked at my plate.

"You're right," I told her. "I don't have a problem with the baked beans now."

Anna smiled, taking a bite of hers. "Good, because I didn't want to have to avoid them while I was here."

"You and Rachel are a lot alike."

"Yeah, but I'm not sleeping with you. Pick someone else to be your rebound girl."

I took a drink of coffee, letting it clear the fuzziness out of my brain. "How about after I find a rebound girl?"

She snorted. "No. Don't decide you're in love with me just because I remind you of Rachel. You were never in love with me before Rachel."

"Maybe I was just too stupid before Rachel."

Anna gave me a look. "You lost Rachel. You're still stupid, Nick."

I scowled at her, and went back to my breakfast. Rachel would have loved this breakfast. Everything was just how she liked it, eggs and beans and thick-cut bacon and lots of toast with real butter and marmalade.

Was everything going to remind me of her forever?

There was a reason that Vinnie was on my computer all the time. I had hundreds of Rachel files on there, videos and pictures and emails. Sometimes when I was writing email, I thought about how easy it would be to type her address into an email and just send it.

"Can you set up something on my computer so that I can't email Rachel?"

"Do I need to block her phone number, too?"

"Can you do that?"

"No," Anna said. "I might be able to figure out something on the computer, though. Do you really want me to do that?"

"Yeah. And delete everything off of it that's her. It's better that it's all gone."

Anna shook her head. "I won't do that. Someday you might want to look at all of those love letters."

"I doubt that."

"I have a zip drive in my room."

"A what?"

She smiled. "Holds more than a disc, but less than a real hard drive. I'll put everything from Rachel on there. The modern day equivalent of a stack of love letters tied with a ribbon."

"Boys don't do that, Anna."

"You'll thank me someday. Do you trust me to poke around your computer and find all the Rachel stuff? Any other sex tapes that I need to avoid?"

"No." Just Rachel.

"James?" I asked quietly as we packed up from rehearsal. "I'll make dinner if you do me a favor."

"Can't the delivery guys move the sofa in?"

I still hadn't bought a sofa, which annoyed James greatly. JC didn't have one, either, so we sat on the floor a lot.

"I haven't committed to a couch yet. No, this is something else."

Slinging his bass over his shoulder, he looked at me. He knew something was up when Jeremy and I had walked into rehearsal together, but I hadn't had a chance to tell him.

He suspected, though, since all Darien wanted to talk about today was the Paris Hilton sex tape shocker.

"I need you to go through my computer and get rid of all the Nick stuff."

"Get rid of it?"

I pulled a bag from a computer store out of my bag. "I got a zip drive. The modern day equivalent of a stack of love letters. Just transfer all the emails and pictures and crap off of my computer so I don't have to think about them."

"What am I doing with the sex tape? Or was that just you and Jeremy?"

I blushed. "That one you can delete. Too dangerous. And Jeremy tells me that he destroyed ours, so I think I'm safe from a sex tape shocker of my own."

"Really? You had the only copy of the Nick tape?"

"I called Anna. She told me she took care of it."

I trusted Anna. One of these days maybe I'd be able to talk to her for more than a couple of minutes, but she was with Nick every day and I wanted to know how he was too much. No, Nick could have Anna. I trusted that she would deal with incriminating sex tapes and take care of him.

James put his arm around my shoulders, guiding me out of the room. "In exchange for this, do I get to watch the sex tape?"

"Absolutely not!"

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