Oreos for Breakfast: Chapter 34

Oreos For Breakfast: Chapter 34
By the Paperbag Princess and Pumpkin Coach

This was so up there with the greatest things that had ever happened to me There must have been 500 girls winding their way through the store just waiting to get their two seconds with me and a CD signed.

That was my CD they were holding. It was blaring through the sound system and I couldn't help but bob my head along with the beat every so often. And when I did, the girls all screamed.

This fuckin' rocked!

Two girls approached the table and I took their CD inserts. "Your name?" I asked as I smiled and glanced up briefly. Julie, my publicity rep from Jive, kept telling me not to talk to them, that if I had a conversation with every one of the girls, then we'd be here all night. But I didn't mind. I'd stay here all night signing things for my fans. They were the best fans in the entire world. They were here for me. Just me.

"Nick!" They both whined in unison, and my heart stopped for a moment. As fast as I recognized their voices, I looked past them to see if Rachel was here, too.

Katie and Colleen's happy faces smiled back at me, not Rachel's.

"Girlies!" The nieces were here! Without another thought, they were running around the table to hug me and for a brief moment it was pandemonium. Ron, my new bodyguard, grabbed Katie and pulled her away, making her scream for her mother. Colleen was smaller and she got to me. I picked her up, hugging her tightly to me.

Rachel didn't hate me. She couldn't. If she did, they wouldn't be here. And that was Kate standing behind Vanessa, watching me with a smile on her face. I yelled at Ron, and the Virgin employee next to him, that it was okay, to let Katie go, and she ran over to her mother, still a little shaken.

I put Colleen down and knelt down to Katie, "I'm sorry. You okay, sweetheart?"

She nodded, still leaning against her mother. "I like Frank better. He's nice."

I had to laugh at that. "Remember when you first met Frank, you thought he was scary, too. Girlies, this is my new guard, Ron. Don't worry, you'll like him as much as Frank. He's really nice."

Colleen eyed him suspiciously. "Did Aunt Rachel get Frank in the divorce?"

I nearly bit my tongue as Kate moved forward, putting her hand on Colleen's shoulder. "What?"

"Colleen," Kate and Vanessa both admonished her at the same time.

"Sorry, Nick," Kate said. "They wanted to come. We're all so proud of you."

"The girls won't let the CD out of the car. So thanks for sending them the advance copies," Vanessa said sarcastically.

I smiled and handed the girls another couple of CDs off the pile behind the table. "In case you wear this one out," I winked and they both laughed, taking them from me.

Wait, did Kate say she was proud of me? That they all were? Did that include Rachel? A million thoughts raced through my head, but suddenly I was aware of the 500 girls standing in front of me, watching everything I did.

Kate pulled me into her arms, hugging me quickly and I had to fight back tears. "This is fabulous, Nick. I'm sure she's thinking about you today."

"Is she? Really? I was so mean…"

But she cut me off. "Rachel is great, and you're busy. The girls just wanted to say hello and see you. They miss you."

"You should have called. I was just over at TRL, you could have come by. I'd do anything for the girls, you know that."

She smiled again. Oh God, Rachel had her smile. Her whole face went soft and her eyes sparkled when she smiled. I thought once that I'd get to see Rachel when she was Kate's age, but now I didn't know.

Stop it, Nick!

"I know. But that doesn't seem fair. Good luck today."

She held out a hand to Katie, and I realized that I'd been standing there stroking her hair the whole time we'd been talking. I knelt back down, hugging them both and telling them I loved them. They started to walk away, and then Colleen looked back.

"Oh, I forgot! Nick…" she ran back from the escalator, holding out a bag for me.

"What's this, Col?"

"Your #1 present, silly! You were number one on TRL today!" She giggled and my heart stopped as I pulled a tiny stuffed bunny out of the bag. "I asked Aunt Rachel what we should get you, and she said you liked bunnies. Do you like it?"

I nodded, not quite able to say anything around the lump in my throat. "I love it, Col. Thank you."

She beamed at me and then turned to join her sister. I stood there for a moment and watched as they left, but then felt someone's hand on my shoulder. Right. I had a job to do.

"Here," I handed the bag and card to Ron. "Make sure these come back to my room when we're finished here."

He nodded, and I could tell by the look on his face that he had no idea what just happened.

"Hey, Kev! Whassup!" I must be in a good mood because I was excited to see Kevin. He looked good, too. Even I could see that. More relaxed than the last time I'd seen him. Not that it was hard since the last time we'd been face-to-face, we'd been fighting about the band.

"Not much. Nice party, man!" He looked around, surveying the room and I could see him counting up the dollars that went into this party.

"Well, you know… they like to spend my money. It's all recoupable." Kev shot me a look and I could tell he was thinking about Rachel, too. She used to say that all the time. Did he still talk to her? Did Jana?

"Jive or The Firm?"

"Both!" We laughed, and he pulled me into a quick hug, hitting my shoulder like we'd just made the winning play on the football field.

"This is great, Nick. Just… really great for you."

His eyes darted around the room and I followed them, spying a woman with long curly hair standing by Vinnie and laughing as he missed his shot. "She's not here, Kev."

"What?" He asked innocently as he did a double take at the girl.

"Rachel. She's not here."

"But you talked to her, right? You were at MTV for that show."

I nodded, grabbing a beer from the passing waitress and she smiled at me. She was cute. Maybe Darien was on to something with the bartenders and cocktail waitresses. Maybe I needed to find a nice girl in the service industry. I laughed to myself, and Kevin stole my beer, taking a drink.

"Jana watched it and told me how great you were."

"Did she? That's cool. Great. Yeah… we missed each other." Sort of. I wasn't about to tell Kevin about my botched proposal. "How messed up is that? We have to plan our schedules so we don't have to see each other!"

Kevin just nodded. The irony of it all was amusing. We'd spent the entire last year obsessing over how to coordinate schedules so we could see each other and now that we weren't supposed to each one another, our schedules were overlapping like crazy.

"So… you gonna perform some for us tonight?"

Kevin's eyes darted up to the stage and I smiled. "Yeah. We did a set this weekend in Tampa, man. It was off the hook."

"Full of fans?"

"Yeah, they knew all the words and shit. Shit! I got to curse on stage, too!"

That cracked Kevin up, and I grinned. Truth be told, the fact that I could swear on stage made me so excited. It was like I'd had a right of passage and became an adult right there on stage or something.

"Our little Nicky, all grown up," he said, affecting his best dad voice.

"Getting there, yeah. So did you get my demos? Ken said he'd sent them on to you. They're for the new CD."

The smiled dropped from his face. What the hell?

"You didn't like them?"

"Not that, man. It's just… they aren't very Backstreet are they, Nick?"

"What do you mean?" someone came up to congratulate me and I let her kiss my cheek before turning back to Kevin.

"They're just… a little too rock. Heavy maybe?"

"That's who I am, Kev! Hell, that's who you are, too. I thought of all the guys, you'd like them. Appreciate what I was trying to do. I don't want to make another album of sappy ballads, man. You don't either."

Kevin shifted his weight and stared into his glass, not able to meet my eyes for a moment. "I know, Nick. We know. None of us do, but management…"

"Oh fuckin' stop, Kev! Management? Management! What happened to we need a change so we can grow as artists and do the music we want to do? I bought that argument, Kev!"

"It wasn't a line, Nick. It's true. It's just. Well, this is a business, you know, and management thinks we have a better shot staying with a more mature sound. More adult contemporary than rock. Keep the R&B feel and turn that up."

"Old. Boring." I spat back, taking another swig on my beer, and feeling the tension building in my head.

"No. Come on, Nick. You know this isn't the right place to do this."

"When is it, Kev? You can't get Brian out of Atlanta for more than a day and AJ's always got a meeting. When is going to be a good time? I send stuff your way and I don't hear from any of you. What's up with that? At least you made it tonight."

"That's not fair and you know it. You aren't that easy to get on the phone, you know."

"Don't even, Kev," I sneered at him, feeling like I was two feet taller than him for just a moment. "I'm not that hard to get to. You never try. I'm supposed to be the easy one, right? The baby. Just put me in the studio and I'll sing anything you tell me to. Little Nicky is just happy to be there at all. But not now, Kev."

I stopped for a breath but he just stared at me, not saying anything and giving me space to rant.

"I can do this! I know I can. My songs may not be all that - but they're me. And our fans like them, too. They really do. Backstreet doesn't have to be all me. I know that. But it should reflect all of us - and these songs - they're me right now. A reflection of me. So either management wants me, Kev, or…"

"Or what? What are you saying, Nick?"

I met the challenge in Kevin's eyes and took a deep breath.

"You know what, Kevin? This isn't the time, you're right. Call the guys and get a date. Anytime you're free, I'll be there. I'll make it work, okay? I'm in LA next week for a while."

"Fine. But Nick?"

I turned back, and his expression had softened. "We're proud of you, man. It's just… this new grown up Nick might take some getting used to, you know?"

I nodded at him, and then let myself be pulled away to talk to someone else. I was still figuring out this new Nick, too.

"Are you stealing my lyrics?"

I didn't even look up from writing in my notebook. "Your lyrics are not worth stealing, curly."

"Hey!" Justin protested, sitting next to me at the bar.

I looked up at him and sang along with the song currently playing. "Is that your hand, rubbing on me?"

He took that as an invitation, leaning closer and rubbing my knee.

I picked his hand up and placed it on his own knee.

Even though I sorta liked it. I was a sucker for cocky, arrogant boys, and Justin was king of the world tonight at his album listening party.

I was at the wrong party. Right now, on the other side of the country, Nick was at his album release party. I still wasn't entirely sure how I'd ended up at Justin's pre-release party. I was probably being cover for JC and James.

I was at the wrong party… but I might as well enjoy it.

"I wouldn't have come if I'd known we'd be listening to your album on repeat all night."

"You know the words, though," he said, nodding at me with a smirk and I had to smile.

"You put crack in your hooks, baby. I will admit that. But that 'Senorita' song sucks. What's with the call and response thing? That's just cheesy."

He shrugged. "It'll be a single. You can be the hot girl in the video."

"I'll pass. I will admit to loving 'Cry Me a River."

He looked pleased by that, and leaned over to see what I'd been writing. "Want some of my crack hooks? I don't need them for a while."

I shut the notebook. Not that he could see it in the dim light of the club. Hell, I wouldn't be able to read it when I got it into the light. But when a good line popped into my head, I needed to write it down.

I'd been having a lot of those lately. That was a good side effect of breaking up with Nick, I suppose. The other side effect was my notebook full of letters to Nick. Even I was getting bored with myself, so I started writing down my insipid thoughts. If we didn't end up together I'd probably have to burn the notebook. But Justin didn't need to know about that one.

"I'm good. Thanks."

"Isn't your album done? You were working on it the same time I was."

I slid my notebook back into my tiny purse. "Um… It was supposed to be. But I hate everything we did this summer and lately I've been writing some good stuff. So we might go back into the studio after this tour."

"Heartbreak can be inspiring."

"I should have timed it better."

He smiled at that, and I returned it. Justin probably understood this mess more than most people did. His breakup with Britney had been front-page news, too. And now he was singing about it, just like I would be.

Eventually. I wasn't quite there yet.

"Is this the fuck you to Britney album?"

He shook his head. "Not all. And it's not… I'm over the angry stuff."

"Have you listened to 'Cry Me a River'?"

He laughed. "That was written at a certain point in my life. I'm over that now. Moving on to bigger and better things," he said, placing his hand on my knee again.

This time, I didn't remove it. "How would your new girlfriend feel about the fact that you're hitting on me?"

"Girlfriend?"

"Whatsherface. Ms. 'Who's the Boss'." James had to tell me who she was. I just remembered her from reruns as a cute little girl. Now she was all sex-kittened out, and pawing at Justin all night.

"Alyssa Milano. Why? Are you jealous?"

"Of what?"

He shrugged. "You probably prefer me pining over you."

"It was one date, Justin. And it was a publicity stunt."

"It could have been something more."

Now his other hand was on my other knee. How did I get to be facing him?

"I wasn't even stable enough for that to be a rebound," I said, and he leaned into me.

"It was weeks ago. You must be over that asshole by now."

Was I?

No.

But Justin was looking rather tempting at the moment. Wouldn't that just kill Nick? I knew it was bad enough that I was here, at the release party for Justin's album. But if I left with him…

No.

I took Justin's hands in mine and shook my head. "Far more tempting than it was a few weeks ago. But I can't be part of a media circus again."

"It won't…" He stopped talking as out eyes locked. "Okay," he admitted. "We would certainly be noticed."

"I'm fairly certain that we've already been noticed and will be all over the gossip columns tomorrow." Sure enough, I looked up and there was a woman staring at us in the corner like she was already writing her gossip blog. I couldn't go anywhere lately without someone speculating about what it meant - if I was alone I was heartbroken and if I was with someone then I was a heartless bitch. Either way, I lost.

"Then let's give them something to really talk about," he said, and I laughed.

"Thanks, but no. Not tonight."

His eyebrows shot up at that, hopeful, and I smiled, sliding off of my stool and standing in front of him. "Try me again sometime when there are no paparazzi around."

"Don't think I won't."

"I'm counting on it."

I kissed his cheek and went to find James. I needed to get out of here.

Man, it was late. Or was it early? I squinted out the window. Yeah, I think that was sunlight out there, not just lights from the buildings. I couldn't believe I was still standing.

I fell back on the couch, and giggled to myself. Oops, spoke too soon.

"What so funny, Nicky?" Cori smiled at me from the mini-bar across the room. She could not be fixing another drink. This woman could drink more than Vinnie and me combined.

I leaned my head back against the couch and held out of hand to her. "No more. Come here, baby girl."

She liked it when I called her baby girl. Rachel didn't. I'd done it once and she'd yelled at me. She didn't like being called a girl. She'd ranted at me about it, but I was too drunk now to remember why.

I just never did it again. Man, Vin was right, I was a pussy around her.

Cori came over and stood in front of me, reaching over to run her fingers through my hair. "You are so amazing, Nick." I caught her wrist in my hand, pulling her closer to me as I kissed her hand.

Roughly, I pulled on her short plaid skirt and it fell around her ankles. She was wearing little lace panties and black thigh high stockings. "Damn, Cori… you're gonna kill me here."

She giggled and took a step back, pulling her top over her head so she was nearly naked in front of me. Her eyes met mine and the desire there was unmistakable. "What do you want tonight, Nick?"

I licked my lips. "Sit," I commanded and she didn't miss a beat. Off came her shoes and she straddled my lap, settling against me as my mouth quickly attacked her breasts. She moaned above me as I bit down on her nipple gently, and then sucked it through the lacy fabric of her bra.

"Oh, Jesus, Nick. Your tongue is amazing. Just… amazing."

I nearly laughed. So I'd been told. Many times. I turned slightly and pushed her back on the couch. Quickly I pulled off her bra and she arched her back, trying to get closer to me.

"What do you want, baby?" she repeated as I lavished her exposed breasts with wet kisses.

"You," I moaned as I felt her hand dart inside my jeans and she stroked my dick with her soft fingers. "Don't… stop…"

I was too fucking drunk for this. I grabbed her hand and pulled her up with me, dragging her into the bedroom.

In less than a minute we were naked, rolling around on the bed and fumbling with the condom. Cori didn't care if I made her come first or if I screamed out her name. She just wanted to be with me, make me feel good. And damn, she did. Her long legs wrapped around my waist and we both cried out as I finally sank inside her soft folds.

"So warm and…." I pulled out of her before slamming back inside, making her gasp. "Fucking good…"

"Yeah, Nick. Fuck me. Faster," she urged me on as her long nails raked down my back. Faster. Harder. Further.

Then everything went numb. The world fell away and I heard her scream as I came inside her. Damn, it felt so good. She felt so good.

I collapsed beside her, and she immediately turned to me, kissing me fully and moaning into my mouth as our tongues struggled against one another. "Oh, Nick, you are so amazing."

I grinned at her and moved quickly to get rid of the condom, then pulled her back into my arms, "Thank you, baby girl. So are you."

I had no idea what time it was. The curtains were drawn and I hadn't heard from anyone. The room was still dark and I rolled out of bed, careful not to wake Cori, who was still sleeping next to me. That was nice. Sharing my bed with someone. Cori had this ability to show up when I needed… someone. We'd met in California, but I think she actually lived here in New York. We never got into it and that was fine with me. She wasn't looking for anything more from me than a little fun.

I stumbled into the living room and saw the box of gifts on the table from the signing yesterday. Pulling the box over, I emptied it on the table in front of me. Suddenly I was getting necklaces and studded bracelets along with the standard shirts and other random gifts. I pulled out a shirt and held it up: "Your girlfriend thinks I'm hot." Oh, that was a good one. I tossed it across the room toward my bag.

Then I saw the bag that Colleen gave me earlier, I'd forgotten about that. I pulled out the small stuffed bunny and something else fell on my lap. What the… I held up a necklace and smiled as I saw the shells. I could almost smell and taste the salt water from the Point. The card inside confirmed my suspicions. The girls had made me the necklace with shells from their Aunt Rachel's beach. I loved that the Point was Rachel's - to all of us it was hers - she just belonged there.

I belonged there once, too. And my heart ached with wanting to be there again. Before I knew it I was listening to the phone ringing and then her voice on the voicemail.

I didn't leave a message. Again. She'd probably recognized the number and let it go into voicemail anyway. I wasn't allowed to call. No contact for 6 months. But I could wear this and feel a little closer to her.

Disclaimer | Sudden Silence Website
Feedback to Authors | Tragical Fiction (home)

Subscribe to receive an email when this site is updated!

Powered by groups.yahoo.com