Oreos for Breakfast

Split Screen (Sadness)
By the Paperbag Princess and Pumpkin Coach

I snuggled into his chest, his sweater warm and soft against my cheek. I liked it here, leaning my head against his chest, his arm warm around my shoulders.

Where the hell was I?

I opened my eyes, looking up at the man I was sleeping against.

“JC?” I asked, and he smiled, realizing I was awake.

“Hi,” he said, as I sat up, looking at James asleep next to us. I’d really screwed up their New Year’s Eve, hadn’t I? I should have gone home after midnight and let them enjoy their evening, but instead I’d fallen asleep on the couch in between them. They didn’t even get to cuddle on the couch. I had to be in between them.

I was such a whiney bitch sometimes.

“What time is it?”

“Three,” JC said, his voice quiet, trying not to wake his boyfriend. “Do you want to stay here?”

“I live across the hall, Jace,” I said, standing up.

My knee gave out and I sat right back down again. JC looked at me with a worried expression. “How about you take the couch and we’ll get out of your way?”

“I’m fine. It’s just stiff because I was sitting weird.”

“Ice,” James mumbled, and we looked over at him. Yawning, he sat up. “You should ice it.”

“I will,” I said, amused at how he could be so bossy even when he was half-asleep. “Go to bed.”

“I’ll walk you home,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Get you ice and tuck you in.”

“You’ll fall asleep with your head in the freezer,” JC said, standing up and offering me a hand.

“You’re the one that can sleep through anything,” James countered, but he didn’t get up.

“Not tonight,” JC said, pulling me to my feet. I couldn’t put any weight on my sore knee, because it felt like it was going to pop out the wrong way. “I’ve been awake for a while, listening to the two of you snore.”

“I do not snore!” James pouted, and JC and I both gave him a look.

“You snore,” I assured him. “More when you’ve been drinking.”

“Exactly,” JC agreed. “Go to bed and I’ll take Rachel home.”

“I live across the hall,” I reminded them. “I’m okay. I can hobble home… I think.”

“Ice and ibuprofen,” James said, falling over on the couch we’d just vacated. “Tuck her in, Jace.”

“Yes, dear,” JC answered.

“I’m fine!” I insisted, limping towards the door. James’ mumbled voice stopped me again and I held onto a chair for support.

“You’re limping,” James said, yawning.

“I have to take you home, Rache, or he’ll do it.” JC apologized as he joined me by the chair.

“I can do it,” James said, yawning. “I’m getting up.”

But he didn’t move, and JC wrapped an arm around my waist to help support my weight. I didn’t push him away. I wasn’t entirely sure I could make it across the hall without assistance. “Let’s go, Rachel.”

“He takes good care of you, doesn’t he?” James asked, his voice both sleepy and smug.

“You’re just exploiting my injury to get me to like your boyfriend again, aren’t you?” I countered. We should probably not have this fight now, but I didn’t care. I was tired, my knee hurt and I had just broken up with my boyfriend. Okay, that last bit didn’t completely send me into a fit of depression or anything. But still, shouldn’t James be a little more considered with my feelings?

“Something good should come out of tragedy.”

“It’s a bruised knee, James.” I huffed. “Not a tragedy.”

Although my knee did hurt a lot right now, but I wasn’t going to admit that to him. He wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning, anyhow.

JC held the door open for me and I heard James call out “ice” again as the door shut behind us.

Four steps and I was “home.” I turned to thank JC but he was already in my kitchen, heading toward the freezer. Bates was under his feet, and he might have been purring. Traitor!

“Go change for bed,” JC said, pulling out the ice tray. “I can’t leave until you’re tucked in.”

“You don’t have to do everything he tells you. I’ll be fine.”

Bates jumped up on the counter and meowed hopefully as JC turned around. Smiling, he scratched behind his ears in the spot that I thought only I knew. “You need a New Year’s snack, don’t you, Batesie?”

“No wonder he loves you!” I complained, leaning against the counter. “You feed him off schedule.”

“Duh,” JC said, opening the fridge and finding Bates’ food. “Your mom didn’t save you any crab, Bates. This will have to do.”

“Hey! Stop turning my cat against me and go back to your boyfriend.”

JC scooped some food into Bates’ bowl, and he was off the counter in a flash with a loud bang. My cat was not terribly graceful. Probably because he was gaining weight from all the treats JC was bribing him with.

“I’ll tuck you in and then I can report back to James that you’re safely in bed, not stumbling around trying to take care of yourself.”

“I can take care of myself, JC.”

“I’m not giving James any reason to be unhappy with me,” he said, dumping ice into a zip-lock bag before opening the cabinet that kept my aspirin.

“You just have to do one thing to make his life perfect, you know.” I couldn’t believe the words came out of my mouth, but I was pretty sure my cat was too busy scarffing down his 3am snack to say much. Not that he could say anything. Oh, hell, I was thinking like Nick now, wasn’t I?

“I know,” he said quietly, carefully zipping the top of the bag before he looked up at me. “And I… I can’t do that one thing quite yet, so I’m trying to do the million other things that make him mostly happy.”

I limped across the room, taking his cold hands in mine. “I know it’s hard to come out. I get that. But… if you do, you will get the best guy in the world. Please try.”

“I am,” he said, not meeting my eyes. “I don’t want to lose him again.”

“And I don’t want to deal with a heartbroken James again. Wanna call Us Weekly right now and spill your guts? New Year’s resolution and all? It will make a great story!”

He laughed, letting go of my hands. “They’re busy with all the parties tonight. Maybe tomorrow.”

I knew that wasn’t true, but I let it go. At least I’d said something. I couldn’t just act like everything was fine now like breaking James’ heart was just water under the bridge and all was forgiven. I had to let him know how I felt.

“Go change,” JC ordered. “I’ll bring in your ice pack and your drugs.”

A few minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom in just a t-shirt and yelped when I saw JC. He just raised an eyebrow at me while I pulled on Dad’s sweater, trying to cover myself.

“Don’t be silly,” he laughed. “I’m immune. Remember?”

I crawled into bed, pulling the covers over my legs. But he yanked them back, wrapping the bag of ice around my knee and making me shiver.

“Immune? Really?”

JC sat down next to me on the bed, shaking out some aspirin. “Even to you, yes. Anna sorta made me realize that I’m not really bi at all, no matter how much I try to tell myself that.”

I tucked the covers back around my legs, trying to combat the cold from the ice pack. It didn’t really work. “Who’s Anna?”

JC handed me the pills and a glass of water once I was situated. “James didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?” I asked, downing the pills. I should have asked for the ones with the sleep stuff, because now I was wide awake.

JC sat on the edge of my bed in the faint light from the bathroom and considered me for a moment. “I guess I just assume that everything I tell James is automatically downloaded to your brain.”

I laughed. “He doesn’t tell me all of your secrets, I swear. Who’s Anna? The girl that almost made you straight?”

He laughed. “That was Nick’s plan, but Anna and I didn’t go for it.”

Nick? My Nick? Nick’s Anna? What the…

JC gave me a slightly worried smile at my expression. “Yeah, your Nick,” he clarified, reading my mind. “We were both at this radio show thing in Miami,” he went on. “He performed. He was really good.”

I knew he would be. It hurt that I’d never seen him do a solo show. I’d seen that one song on the MTV thing, and that was bad enough. He was passionate and energetic and… he was the Nick I’d fallen in love with again and it about tore my heart in two. I knew if I saw a full set, I’d probably go backstage and beg him to take me back. That was definitely against the rules.

“And then we ended up hanging out afterwards.”

Oh, was JC still telling me his story? I shook my head a bit to clear the image of Nick’s earnest face out of my head, pretending to shake the hair out of my eyes.

“You did?” Nick and JC were friendly, but they weren’t friends.

“Long story,” JC admitted. “There was a strip club involved.”

“So Vinnie is still around, then?”

JC chuckled. “Not a friend of yours?”

“No.”

“Anna’s great, though.” JC said.

“Anna went to a strip club?”

He laughed, leaning back on the bed. “No. Anna was later, when we went back to the hotel to get high.”

“With friends from the strip club or without?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking and JC hesitated for a second before answering.

“Vinnie hooked up. Nick and I didn’t… hence Anna.”

“Oh. I guess he didn’t want to cheat on Paris.” I couldn’t keep the bitterness out my voice.

“I don’t think Paris was in the picture, actually. Anna teased him about her a little, but they definitely weren’t an item then. I don’t know.” Could JC tell how relieved that made me feel? Maybe he hadn’t gone straight from me to Paris without a second thought.

“We didn’t end up with anyone.” JC continued. “Then we came back, and Anna came to his room because we were making noise, but we gave his room to Vinnie and hung out with Anna for the rest of the night. Is there something going on with Nick and Anna?”

My heart stopped for a second. Anna was… me. I could say horrible things about Paris, how she was the opposite of me and if he didn’t want me, he went to a vapid slutty girl. But Anna… Anna was great. She was everything that Nick really needed in his life.

“Evidently not, if he’s with Paris now.”

JC shrugged. “Yeah. And Nick was trying to get me to hook up with Anna, but… I don’t know. They’re really close.”

Closer than they used to be? Probably, since she was on the road with him now. I remembered the night that he’d asked her to be in the band, and how happy I was about that. I thought that she could keep an eye on him for me. I loved Anna, and I really loved Nick with her. He had a lot of stupid, toxic people in his life, but Anna wasn’t one of them. She loved him and always looked out for him.

“They’ve been friends for a long time. Through everything, she was always there.” I said. I didn’t need to elaborate with JC, even though my mind was swimming.

“I guess that’s it. I don’t have any girl friends like that.”

“You will once you come out and start collecting girls who want a gay best friend.” I teased and he just pouted at me.

“Like you, you mean.”

“Hey, James is not a status symbol. I knew him before the gay thing.”

“Whatever. Anyway, Nick’s not gay.”

“Did he make a point of telling you that a few times?”

JC laughed. “He don’t swing that way. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay. But he isn’t.”

“I can confirm that he is entirely straight.”

“I didn’t need confirmation, but thanks.” He hesitated a second. “Anna said he was a wreck after you broke up.”

“And I’m sure you told her the same thing about me.”

“Sorry.”

I shrugged. “It’s true. I guess I’m glad to know that he didn’t really forget all about me and run to Paris.”

“Anna hates Paris. Nick fell asleep at one point, and Anna and I talked for a while. She really, really hates Paris.”

“Anna’s a smart girl.” I stated smugly. I liked the fact that Anna hadn’t caved. There was one person in the world that Paris hadn’t managed to buy her innocent act.

JC smiled. “She is. She’s really cool. We talked, and I told her about James. The next day I realized if I was going to like a girl… I mean, really be with a woman, which I’ve never done… it would be someone like Anna. But I just wasn’t attracted to her. She’s smart, and funny, and pretty, but… I just wanted to tell her about James.”

“You’re gay, JC.” I confirmed and he smiled at me. I knew he loved James, but I just couldn’t get the picture of my best friend crying on my couch… in my bed… in my car… my best friend torn to piece of him, out of my head.

“I know,” he admitted. “And I know that I love James. I’ll tell everyone in my life that eventually. Soon,” he added at my look. “Just… we just got back together. I need things to settle down a little and I need to figure out how to tell my family. After that, it’s not a big deal to tell the rest of the world.”

“You’re not worried about the band?”

He arched an eyebrow at me. “Have you noticed that Justin is king of the world? There is no band. No group. Nsync is not getting back together.”

“Ever?” He could he say that? It’d only been a few months.

He shrugged. “Not any time soon. Justin’s career will not be affected if I come out. And the other guys won’t care at all. They like James. No, I just need to talk to my family. Then I’ll give someone the scoop. Any journalists you like? Give me some names.”

“Are you serious?”

He nodded. “I want to give the scoop to someone who deserves it.”

I whacked his knee, so hopeful I wanted to squeal like a teenager. “Are you really coming out?”

He held up a hand. “You don’t know my family, Rachel. Neither does James. We’re Mennonites.”

My eyes widened. “You’re what?”

“Mennonites. We…”

I stopped him. “I know what a Mennonite is. Well, I know Amish.”

“We’re not Amish. And we’re not real religious, or I wouldn’t have ended up on the Mickey Mouse club. But we’re pretty traditional. Show biz was bad enough, but now I’m gay? It’s going to be…” He sighed. “It’s just going to be bad.”

“But then you get to be out in public with James,” I reminded him. “How cool would that be? No hiding around and sneaking into clubs to be together.”

He smiled, a great, deep, really happy smile that made his eyes sparkle in the dim light. “I know. And I want that, I just… I need some time.”

“How much time?” I pressed and he laughed.

“Shut up!” he said, joking. “James hasn’t asked this many questions.”

“He’s blinded by lust,” I dismissed. “I’m the one you have to worry about.”

“I know,” he said, meeting my eyes. “I know you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, Jace. I never did.” I paused, considering how to say this without sounding like a complete bitch. “I hated how you broke James’ heart, because he is the best person I know. He deserves all wonderful things. I want you to be strong and tell the world that you love him. Then I want you to be my brother-in-law and we’ll be neighbors forever.”

He smiled at my last image. “I want that, too.”

Leaning over, I hugged him. “You can have some time if it means you’ll stick around later.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promised, hugging me tightly.

“Good. Because he loves you so much.”

“I know,” he whispered. “I don’t know why he loves me, but I’m not throwing it away again.”

“You’d better not, because I will hunt you down. I was there the morning after you broke up. It wasn’t pretty.”

“It wasn’t pretty at my place either, believe me.” He let me go, leaning back and considering me. “Wasn’t that the night you hooked up with Justin?”

“Maybe. Did Justin mention that we might have taken advantage of your apartment one night?”

JC rolled his eyes. “He more than mentioned it, yes. In great detail. Probably every detail.”

I wrinkled my nose at him. “Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me.”

“You can do better than Justin.” He said, all joking out of his voice.

I smiled. “I know. And he can do better than an old lady with lots of baggage.”

“He’d be lucky to have you, Rache.” JC said seriously, tucking a stray curl behind my ear. “And he’s asked me to put in a good word for him.”

He had? He had called me a couple of times over Christmas, but I’d just listened to the voicemails and deleted them. I couldn’t juggle the ghost of Nick with both Ben and Justin.

“But I think I won’t mention to him that you’ve broken up with Ben.”

“Thanks. He might start stalking me in earnest, then. He doesn’t really like me, you know.”

“Yeah,” JC agreed. “You’re famous and gorgeous and evidently fabulous in bed, but he doesn’t know you. And Justin is a dick. You don’t need him.”

I laughed. “Get a lousy present this year?”

JC shrugged. “It was a good present. And we had fun when we were all here a few weeks ago. But the band’s over and it’s not like we had any say in the decision. I don’t hate him, but… Oh hell, you aren’t the press. He’s a selfish bastard and I don’t need to talk to him for a while.”

I blinked at him for a second, surprised by how angry he sounded. JC was normally so… mellow. I’d been on the road for months with Nsync, and I’d never seen any of them fight. Backstreet fought way more than they did.

JC sensed my reaction and mumbled, “You should talk to the other guys in Backstreet and see how they feel about Nick’s solo career. I bet it’s similar.”

I shook my head. “No. They’re the ones that wanted to take a break, not him. And he’s not exactly the king of all media like Justin.”

“Still.” JC shrugged. “I didn’t mean to get sidetracked by Justin angst. Sorry. I’ll get over it. We’re just a little annoyed with him now. Anyway. Don’t run from Ben to Justin.”

“No sex until I mean it, remember?” I held my hand to my heart solemnly.

JC laughed. “Okay. I’ll hold you to that.”

I whacked him. “Go back to your boyfriend. See how you do when you have to think of Justin and I fucking in your bed.”

“Ew! It was in my bed?”

I nodded. “You have a great bed. I like the down comforter. Very soft on my sensitive skin.”

He pretended to cover his years to block out my words, but we both just ended up laughing. We’d actually used the guest room. And the couch. But it was more fun to torture him.

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