Oreos for Breakfast

Oreos For Breakfast: Chapter 36
By the Paperbag Princess and Pumpkin Coach

Coming through the door, I hung my keys next to the door and shrugged out of my coat. “Hey, AJ! Are you up? It’s nice outside, why don’t we go out and grab breakfast? I was going to call and have you meet me, but I forgot my cell phone. Where the hell is it?”

I dropped my coat on the couch and went into the kitchen, where my phone was plugged into the charger. “At least it was charging. Did it ring a million times and annoy you? Oh, it was off.”

I punched the ‘on’ button and walked back to the bedroom. “Dude, wake up! Okay, I know we didn’t get any sleep, but I’ve already been to physical therapy. It’s ten, let’s grab some breakfast before all the Muggles go to lunch. Have you read Harry Potter yet? You totally should. AJ?”

The bedroom was empty. The bed was even made.

“Alex?”

The bathroom door was open, and I peeked inside. No AJ.

Shit.

All of his stuff was still in his room. I checked my bedroom, just in case he was… hiding or something.

I went back into the living room, and the ugly coat I’d made him buy at Target was hanging next to the door. It was nice outside, but not warm.

I wasn’t even sure how long he’d been gone. I hadn’t checked on him before I left for physical therapy. The door to his room might have been closed. But… I didn’t remember.

The phone in my hand rang, telling me I had messages. Maybe one was from AJ. Maybe he’d run out to buy milk and then realized he didn’t have keys.

Mom, checking in. She called in the mornings now, knowing I might be up to go to physical therapy. Jeremy, because we hadn’t talked in a couple of days.

Just those two. Damn.

I called Kevin, and his mumbled ‘hello’ sounded sleepy.

“Is AJ with you?”

“What? Rachel? AJ? No. What time is it?”

“It’s ten in the morning. Not crazy early or anything. Do you have him?”

“No. Just me. Why?”

I looked around the room one more time, hoping he’d pop out and yell ‘surprise’ or something.

“I think I lost AJ.”

“Shit,” Kevin said, sounding pretty awake all of a sudden. “What happened?”

“Sarah moved out. Well, she’s moving out today. She told him yesterday.”

“Do you think he went back to LA?” Kevin asked, as he slowly was waking up.

“No. I mean… I guess he could have. But I think he would have at least left a note! He didn’t even take his coat.”

“He doesn’t need a coat in LA.” Kevin reminded me.

“True. But…” I went back into the guest room and checked the dresser. “His wallet is still here. And his phone.”

“Is there anything in the wallet?”

Why would he take stuff out of his wallet and not take his wallet? I picked it up, feeling a little like I was prying. “Yeah,” I said. “His license and credit cards are in here.”

“So he’s not getting on a plane. Any cash? His ATM cards?”

“I don’t know how many ATM cards he should have, but it looks like there’s two here. No cash.”

“Great.” Kevin sounded really pissed off now.

“That doesn’t mean anything. He never has cash!”

He tended to spend it pretty quickly, so he was always putting things on a card. I wasn’t sure if he had any cash. He’d paid for dinner last night with a credit card.

“He probably had enough. I though you were keeping an eye on him.”

I scowled at the phone. “I had physical therapy this morning and we were up late last night. I figured he was sleeping!”

“I knew he should have stayed with me.” Kevin muttered and I could just see that look on his face. Disapproving like no one ever could live up to his expectations. Was that what it was like for Nick to be in the group with Kevin? Did no one ever measure up, ever meet Kevin’s level of perfection?

Stop it, Rachel, this isn’t about Nick or Kevin. Where the hell was AJ? I looked through the apartment again as I felt my heartbeat rising with every room that didn’t contain him.

“So you could accuse him of drinking? That’s not what he needs right now, Kevin.”

“What do you know? You’ve been part of this for about five minutes, Rachel. Just stay there in case he comes back. I’ll check every store that sells alcohol between here and your place.”

“That might take a while. This is New York.”

“That’s the problem with letting him out by himself!”

He hung up and I slammed the phone shut. Then I flipped it open again and called James.

“Do you have AJ?” I said before he could even say hello.

“Wrong letterboy. I have JC. Actually, AJ scares me a little.”

“He’s a softie. He just looks scary. Seriously, have you seen him?”

“Since dinner last night, no.”

“Damn.”

“Did you lose AJ, Rachel?” Unlike Kevin, I think James was about to laugh at me, not yell at me.

“Those Backstreet Boys are tricky,” JC said in the background. “They like to sneak out on you.”

“Do they?” James asked. “Do you have a lot of experience with Backstreet Boys that I don’t know about?”

“Stop being cute and help me,” I complained. “Kevin’s really pissed off at me!”

“Why is Kevin pissed off at you?”

“Because I was supposed to watch AJ and he’s gone!”

“AJ’s a grown up. He can leave your apartment without supervision.” James reminded me. He was always so logical, that James!

I sat down in my favorite chair. Aimlessly wandering around the house wasn’t making AJ appear. “He doesn’t even have a coat.”

“Well, he’s from LA. What does he know?”

“Sarah’s moving out today. He’s really upset. I’m not even sure how long he’s been gone. I haven’t seen him since about four in the morning. What if he’s hurt or something? He didn’t even take his wallet.”

“Then he couldn’t have gotten far. He should have at least left a note.”

“Maybe he ran out to get milk and he got attacked by crazy fans.”

“Rachel. Chill out. He’s fine. No knows he’s here.”

“Point. Should I call the police and file a missing persons report?” I wondered aloud.

“I think that takes twenty four hours. I’m sure he’ll be back in a minute with bagels.”

“I lost AJ, James. It’s all my fault that he’s here, instead of LA, trying to fix things with Sarah, and now I’ve lost him.”

“You said you were talking to him at four in the morning?” JC asked.

“Yeah. I couldn’t sleep last night.”

“Obviously. You’re freaking out. I’m coming over.”

“I’ll go look for him,” JC said, and I had to blink back tears. I was way overtired.

“Good plan,” James said, and he was at my door in his pajamas two minutes later.

“I should go and look for him,” I said, trying to push my way through the door, but James made me back up and sat on the couch instead.

“Maybe in a minute. Just calm down first. You only got a couple of hours of sleep, so you’re not thinking clearly. Have you eaten anything today?”

“No,” I admitted, and James went into the kitchen.

“I’ll make you something while you tell me what happened. Tell me why Kevin is pissed at you.”

“Because I was supposed to take care of AJ and I fucked up. I shouldn’t have gone to physical therapy this morning.”

“Don’t they tell you to eat before physical therapy?” James said and I stuck my tongue out at him. That logical thing was way over rated.

“Yeah, but I got up late.”

I could sense James rolling his eyes, so I went over to sit at the counter while he made me breakfast. It would just annoy him if I wasn’t able to see his disapproving looks.

Everyone was disappointed in me this morning.

“So, what, Kevin thinks you’re supposed to be AJ’s babysitter? I think AJ’s survived a few months without constant supervision.”

“But he’s upset about Sarah now, and…” The reasons why I sucked started building up in my head.

James cut me off, brandishing a knife. “Regardless. I think he’s responsible enough to not drink his way out of the problem. He could have done that in LA, but he chose to come here and be with you and Kevin and get the support he needed. He’s out getting milk or taking a walk or something and he’s fine.”

“Yeah…” I said, taking a deep breath. I was still holding on to my phone, and it rang, making me jump. Caller ID told me it was Kevin, and I flipped it open.

“Did you find him?”

“I was hoping he was with you.”

“No,” I said, feeling guilty. “JC just went out to look for him.”

“Tell him I’m hitting the all stores between my place and yours.”

“He’s checking the park,” James told me, and I repeated that back to Kevin.

“Good idea. It’s only- what?- twenty square blocks. I’m sure he’ll find him no problem.” Kevin huffed. I knew he was worried, but I couldn’t handle the tone in his voice for one more moment and I snapped.

“What’s your plan? Are you going to come here and yell at me some more or just hope to find him out there somewhere drinking?”

He was quiet for a moment. “Sorry. I know I shouldn’t be yelling at you. But you don’t know…”

I cut him off. “I know. I don’t know anything. I was there when he first went into rehab, but I don’t know anything. Nick never told me anything about what it was like when AJ was drinking. I’m just clueless and you never should have let me be his babysitter.”

“That’s not…”

I cut him off again, because I was pissed now. “I would have said something if I thought he was drinking. Or thinking of drinking. He was fine last night. He was upset about Sarah, but we talked and watched TV and he was okay.”

“You weren’t there, Rachel. You don’t…”

“Nick told me,” I insisted. “He told me that you all knew when AJ was drinking, because he was mean and withdrawn or really friendly and shifty. All I have seen for the last couple of days was the Alex that I know and love, just depressed. He’s not drinking, Kevin.”

Then why was I counting my bottles of wine? There were ten. I had no idea how many I’d had before AJ had come to visit. I didn’t normally count my wine. I just noticed when I was out. Half the time, I’d run out of white and not realize it.

And I didn’t have any other alcohol in the house, right? No, I saved hard drinking for going out. At home, I just drank wine sometimes. I’d had half a bottle in the fridge, but I’d dumped that out before picking AJ up at the airport. I remembered doing that.

“I hope you’re right.”

“I think you need to have a little more faith in him. Come over here and we’ll call JC back in and make a plan to look for him.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

“You’ll be here quicker if you stop looking in all the convenience stores.” I told him before snapping my phone shut and dropping it on the counter.

“That’s better,” James said, setting a bagel and tea in front of me as I sat down again.

“What?” I said, taking a bite of the bagel. I was starving. Right. I’d wanted to go out to breakfast with AJ.

“Kevin should not be yelling at you like you’re a bad babysitter.”

“Kevin should have a little more faith in AJ.” I took a sip of my tea.

“All of your wine present and accounted for?” James asked, and I nodded.

“Yes. I knew it would be.”

“But you had to check anyway.”

I shot him a look. “Have you ever been yelled at by Kevin Richardson? It’s not fun. I was just covering my ass.”

Bates jumped on the counter, stalking my bagel. “My bagel, Bates,” I told him, happy to change the subject from my brief distrust of AJ. “He’s got treats over there, can you give him one?” I asked James

“You realize that’s why he’s begging for food, right? Because then he gets a treat?”

“Shut up,” I said, scratching Bates’ neck. “You’re not spoiled, are you, Batesie boy? Hey, did you see where Uncle AJ went?” I leaned my head against Bates’. “Did he tell you where he was going?”

“I know you love that cat, but I don’t think he can actually tell you where AJ went.”

I sat up as James gave Bates a treat. “He’s the best lead we’ve got at the moment.”

“Point,” James conceded, looking into the fridge. “Should I make eggs? I bet Kevin hasn’t had breakfast, either.”

“They just get cold and icky if we have to wait,” I said. “Defrost a couple more bagels.”

The doorman called up before I finished my bagel, sending Kevin up. I started to walk back to the counter, and then ran back over to the buzzer. “Hey, Mike,” I said, and his voice crackled back to me. “Did you see my friend Alex leave this morning?”

“No, ma’am,” he answered. “I got here at eight and haven’t noticed him since then.”

“Do we have security tapes or something? He seems to have gone missing.”

“I’m sorry. Should we call the police?” He asked trying to be helpful.

“No, not yet, thanks. But if we could figure out when he left, that would be great.”

“As long as he didn’t sneak out the back, that should work,” James said, as Kevin knocked on the door.

“There is no back,” I said, opening the door. “I’m getting security to figure out when he left the building,” I told Kevin.

“Good,” he said, coming inside.

“The guy I just talked to has been on since eight and didn’t notice him. So he must have left before I went to physical therapy.”

“You didn’t check then?”

“Be nice to me or you don’t get a bagel,” I warned, holding out my hand for his coat.

“I don’t need a bagel,” he said. “Where’s JC? We should start looking on the other side of the park from him. He’s been gone since before eight? He could be anywhere!”

James and I exchanged a look and I unbuttoned Kevin’s coat as James removed it, over his protests. “Sit down and have a bagel and some tea,” James commanded. “I’ll call JC and we’ll sit down and make a plan.”

“But- he…” James led Kevin into a seat.

“Butter? Cream cheese? They’re not fresh bagels, but they’ll do,” James said. “Sugar in your tea?”

Kevin gave in. “Cream cheese. And sugar in the tea. Thanks.”

I sat next to Kevin, taking his hand. “We’ll find him. He’s fine.”

“This is not the first time he’s gone missing,” he said, but he wasn’t yelling at me this time. He just sounded scared.

“I know.” There were lots of stories about AJ going missing from the tour. “But it’s the first time since he’s been sober. He’s okay, I’m sure of it.”

If he wasn’t, I was fucked. I was never going to be trusted with a Backstreet Boy again.

James handed Kevin his bagel and tea, and then called his boyfriend. “Hey, baby, come back, okay? Kevin’s here and we…. What? You found him?”

Kevin and I both looked at him, as James banged his head lightly against the wall. “Ten minutes? We’ve been worried sick, get him up here! He doesn’t even have a fucking coat!”

He rolled his eyes at me. “Yes. I know. See you in a minute.”

James hung up the phone and looked at us. “Never send the flaky one on the important mission.”

“Yeah, why was JC the one out looking for him?” Kevin asked, looking at us both a bit accusingly.

“I had to talk her off the ledge that you put her on!” James protested. “And JC would have burned the bagels.”

“At least he found him!” I reassured us. “He just got sidetracked. Everything’s fine.”

Ten minutes later, there was a knock at the door, and I flew to open it, throwing my arms around AJ. “Where did you go? You’re freezing! Why didn’t you take your coat?”

He hugged me back, resting his head on my shoulder and holding me tightly. “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“It’s okay,” I told him. “But Kevin might be a different story,” I whispered, letting him go. He grabbed my hand, facing the rest of the room.

“Sorry,” he said. “I really thought I’d be back before Rachel left this morning. I didn’t mean to worry anyone.”

“You never do,” Kevin said, going back to his seat at the counter.

I led AJ over to the table, holding his cold hand in both of mine. “James, can you get AJ some tea and a bagel?”

“I went out to get bagels,” AJ said. “You said you got the best bagels at six in the morning, at the place around the corner. I was going to surprise you.”

“You didn’t go to bed when I did,” I accused, rubbing his hand, trying to get it to warm up.

“No,” he admitted. “I was just going to run out and get bagels.”

“But…” I started for him, taking his other hand and rubbing it between mine to warm him and he smiled at me gratefully.

“But when I went out, I saw all these homeless guys sleeping in the park. So I bought them bagels.”

“All of them?” James asked, setting tea in front of both of us. JC had joined us at the table, and looked up at him expectantly.

“You made us wait ten minutes, you can wait a minute for breakfast.”

“Most of them,” AJ went on. “I thought they were all asleep, so I just left the bagels next to them. But one guy was awake, and he said thank you, and we started talking, and all I could think was that he could be me. He had an empty bottle of cheap whiskey next to him and I could tell he was hung over and itching for another drink. I knew that look. Only I did it in really expensive hotel rooms, not on park benches. But it could have been me. Backstreet, all the money, that was just a stroke of luck. That could be me out on a park bench in a couple of years.”

He slid his hand out of my mine and wrapped them around his mug of tea. “I wasn’t drinking, Kevin,” he said, looking into his tea, not at his friend.

“You were talking to a homeless guy for four hours? Great story, Alex.”

AJ just shook his head. “No. Just a little while. He asked for money and I didn’t have any. I’d spent all my cash on the bagels. Sorry. I meant to bring bagels back for you,” he said, glancing at me.

“We have bagels,” James said, putting one in front of him. “That’s the last one,” he informed JC, eliciting a huge pout. AJ smiled and gave him half of his.

“Hey, if JC hadn’t come along, I’d still be out there, so don’t be mad. It’s all my fault we didn’t come in. He tried to get me to come in, but I just started talking, because I had all these… thoughts when I was walking around, and I wanted to share them.”

“I tried,” JC said, glaring at James. “I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.”

James shook his head, handing JC a mug of tea. “Eminently distractible. Admittedly, one of the reasons I love you.” He gave him a quick kiss and went back to cleaning up the kitchen.

“What thoughts, Alex?” I asked, and he shook his head.

“Stuff. I should probably write it all down. That I wasn’t sleeping on a park bench, begging for my next drink, and there has to be a reason for that. And it can’t just be Sarah. She can’t be my only reason for being sober, as much as I love her. I figured out this morning that one of the reasons I am so freaked out is because I don’t know how to be sober without her.”

“You’re not really good at being sober with her, either,” Kevin interjected.

“Who invited him?” AJ asked, his dark eyes about as angry as I’d ever seen them.

“Me,” I admitted. “I thought maybe you were with him.”

“Why would I be with him when all I get from him are accusations?”

“Do you blame me, Alex? After everything we…”

AJ stood up, facing him. “I am not that guy any longer, Kevin! Do you want a fucking breath test or something? I was not out there drinking! I was out there, walking around the park, thinking that maybe when there are leaves on the trees and the grass is green, I’ll be a better person. Maybe then I’ll deserve Sarah. I know I’m not perfect. I know I fucked up. I wanted to come back here and talk to my friends and tell them about my amazing morning and maybe write it all down and instead you’re here, doubting me, criticizing my every thought and making me feel guilty. I didn’t even want a drink this morning, until I saw your fucking face. I am so fucking glad the band is over and I don’t have to deal with you any longer.”

He looked at me. “Sorry, Rachel. I’ll be in my room until he leaves.”

He left, taking his tea with him.

I looked at Kevin. “Either apologize or get out,” I said, and then followed AJ, hearing Kevin protest that he hadn’t even said anything.

I knocked on his door carefully. “AJ?” I said. “It’s just Rachel.”

“Come in,” he said, his voice muffled. I found a lump under the covers and smiled.

“Let me in,” I said, and he flipped back one edge of the covers. I slid in, wrapping my arms around him.

“I’m so cold,” he said, and I tucked the covers around us.

“Why didn’t you take your ugly Target coat?”

“Because I was just going around the corner. And I was sleep-deprived and not thinking really clearly.”

He rolled over, snuggling against me, his hands freezing against my stomach through my sweater. “You’re warm,” he said.

“I dress appropriately for the weather,” I teased. In punishment, he slipped his hands under my sweater, making me laugh.

“I can’t even feel your skin. Which is sorta a bummer,” he said, and I pulled him closer.

“You should take a hot bath. Or is it a cool bath to get your body temperature regulated?”

“I’m staying here until Kevin leaves.”

“He’s just scared, Aje. You freaked us all out. He yelled at me, too.”

“He’s such an ass. What, are you supposed to be my babysitter?”

“Evidently I suck at it.” I laughed, but he didn’t even smile.

“You’ve been amazing, Rachel. That was one of those things I was thinking about this morning. I’m so lucky that you’re my friend.”

“I’m glad you didn’t just take Nick’s side in the divorce.”

He snorted. “Nick’s side is a pretty weak one.”

We were quiet for a moment and I rubbed his back, trying to warm him up. His hands weren’t quite as cold against my stomach. Or maybe I was just getting used to it.

“The band isn’t over, Alex,” I said quietly, and he sighed.

“I think you were the last one in this bed to see Nick, Rache. Are we in bed together?”

“I’m just warming you up. It’s too much of a cliché if we end up making out or something.”

He looked up at me with that devilish smile that I loved. “Both of us are currently unattached.”

I shook my head. “You’re too cold to get it up right now. And you know that Kevin is out there, waiting to disapprove of something else.”

“He didn’t leave yet?” he asked, snuggling against me again.

“He’s not leaving,” I said, because I knew it was true. “You need to let him yell at you for a minute.”

“Why? I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“I know. Kevin does, too. But he’s got all this anger bottled up, and he needs to yell at you for a minute. Then he can break down and do that manly hug thing that you do. Tell you that he loves you and he was just worried.”

AJ laughed. “You know us well.”

“Nick talked about you a lot. He really loves you guys. You’re better for him than his real family.”

“He could return our calls,” AJ said and I could feel the bitterness as his back stiffened.

“I have no control over that any longer, AJ. Sorry.”

“Do you want him back?” He asked suddenly.

“Didn’t we have this talk last night? A few hours ago? Whatever.”

“You should get back together. This was another of my park thoughts.”

“You had a lot of park thoughts.”

“I was out there for four hours! I had a lot of thinking to do.”

I kissed his forehead. “Work on you and Sarah. Leave the Nick thoughts to me and him, okay?”

“Okay,” he said. “Sorry. Lots of time out there.”

“I appreciate the thought. I’m going to send Kevin in now.”

“I don’t think he’ll cuddle with me.” AJ pouted up at me and I moved away from him.

“The fan fic writers out there would like to think otherwise.”

That made him laugh, and I uncovered us. “Are you getting warmer?”

“Fighting with Kevin should get my blood boiling.”

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