Take the Fall
By Cori
Page 3
What the fuck was going on here? Kevin watched Katie incredulously, and looked over to AJ, still play dancing in place as he dried the dishes. He felt as if his coming into the kitchen interrupted something a lot more than discussion about the album. Since when did Katie blush with AJ? Did he have a right to pull AJ aside and tell him to back off? He wasn’t with Katie anymore. She made that perfectly clear, but she never mentioned going after one of his friends. Isn’t that supposed to be off limits in the rules of the dating world? Didn’t girls have those kinds of rules too?
Or, was he over reacting to the fact that
“You are lost, man,” AJ said, waving a hand in front of Kevin’s face. “I think someone else might be a little wiped out from today, too, huh? Does Kevy-Kev need to take a nap?”
Kevin smiled sheepishly. “Actually, yeah, probably I do.”
“Aw, tuckered out by the seven year old?” Katie teased, flicking water at him. “Wait until you take her for a weekend.”
“Make sure you hide the scissors.” AJ wagged a finger at him and laughed. “Oh, wait! It’s too late for that. Maybe you can have a party and show her how to do it! You did a number on a few trousers, too, didn’t you?”
“Bite both my ass cheeks,” Kevin replied pointedly.
Kevin sat at a light after leaving Katie’s and glanced over to AJ in the passenger seat, looking out the window. “So…what was that?”
AJ looked over at him, furrowing his eyebrows. “What was what?”
“Are you…” What? What do you want to ask, Kev? “I don’t know. Just seemed like you were getting…cozy in the kitchen before.” He hoped that sounded more casual than it sounded. Again, he knew he had no rights to Katie, but they had made a promise to each other to make sure they communicated. This was communicating, right? Broaching a topic before it became a ‘situation?’
AJ just continued to look at him funny, confused by the question. “Cozy?”
“Just something I noticed, that’s all. I came in and Katie blushed.”
AJ snickered. “Did she?”
It was Kevin’s turn to look at him with confusion. “Dude…come on. You didn’t notice?”
“Obviously, not. We
weren’t doing anything. Just talking
about the album, mostly.” Kevin just
nodded. “Honest, dude.
“I’m not sure,” Kevin answered honestly. “I just thought I saw something more, that’s all.”
“More?”
“Are you gonna repeat all my questions in one word? Yeah, more. I don’t know what it is, but just…more.”
“Look, Katie and I were just talking. I don’t know what you think you saw, but honestly, we were just talking.”
“So, you weren’t…”
“No!” AJ interrupted, shifting in his seat slightly. “I’m not dead. I think she’s pretty and hell, she looks good in a bathing suit, but…. Katie? We just get along, Kev. Always have. If it makes you uncomfortable, I can keep my distance.”
“Don’t be stupid,” he groused with a shake of his head. I’ll be stupid for you instead. “I know you’re friends. I’m just a little…weirded out still, I guess. Rejection sucks, man.”
“No, shit!” AJ agreed with a laugh. “But it looks like you handle it well from the outside. You both seem pretty normal around each other.”
“Yeah, well…it ain’t as easy as it looks.” Just saying it made his heart twinge and he
exhaled sharply, annoyed with himself. “It’s
not like this is the first time I’ve been dumped, but damn!”
“Well, you’ve never been dumped by the mother of your child before…have you?” AJ teased. Kevin cracked a smile and reached over to punch him playfully. “I don’t know what else to say, Kev, other than, it’s gonna hurt for awhile. You know, it’d be different if you could just never see her again, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen.”
“Yeah…no, that’s not gonna happen. But hey, it’s cool. We can still…talk.”
AJ chuckled. “Man, you’ll do anything to avoid saying the ‘f’ word, won’t you?”
Kevin laughed. “It’s just so…demeaning to say ‘friends.’ So freakin’ cliché.”
“Sucks?”
Kevin sighed. “Yeah, that, too. I mean, at least with you and Sarah, you stayed friends, but you don’t have to see her all the time.”
“It gets easier, Kev,” AJ said knowingly. “In a few weeks you’ll handle it better. Eventually, you’ll find someone else.”
“Like you have?” he taunted playfully. “’Cause I don’t see you out there.”
“We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you and we all know you will find someone else fairly quickly because that’s what you do.”
“Meaning?”
“Nothing…it’s just what you do. You meet people a heck of a lot easier than I do.” AJ sunk down in the seat slightly and cracked the window before lighting a cigarette. He lifted a finger to Kevin before Kevin could tell him not to. “The window’s open, don’t even.”
“Dude…it’s my freakin’ car!”
“One butt won’t kill you. Come on, gimme a break! I didn’t smoke at all around the munchkin.”
Kevin sighed with aggravation and shook his head. “One and don’t let it become a habit,” he warned. “And, for the record, it’s not what I do.”
AJ flicked ashes out the window and chuckled. “Kev, you’ve dated more than one girl at once more than any person I’ve ever known. You decide on one, then decide you should have chosen the other and start all over again. You’re able to make decisions about what you do. I linger, and hang out and agonize over it until they get sick of me and make the decision for me.”
“You’re, like, the second person to tell me that I’ve got some kind of massive confidence. Where the hell does everyone get that idea?”
AJ snorted a laugh and flicked more ashes before taking a drag. “It’s not like it’s a bad thing. People admire that about you.”
“They’re wrong.”
“Yeah, okay,” he answered doubtfully. “Don’t confuse people thinking you’re confident with being right, though. It just means…you accept the consequences a lot easier. I think that’s where you’re getting screwed up. We don’t always think you’re right.”
“Good to know.” Good to know.
“Hey, Kate. Sorry to call so late, but I’m looking for Kevin.”
“Hey, Aje. He left a while ago,” she answered, cradling the phone with her shoulder. “Sorry. Everything okay? You sound a little…off.”
“Yeah, everything’s okay,” he answered quietly. “Just wanted to see if he wanted to go bowling or something. Feeling a little antsy, I guess.”
“Well,” she started, placing one of her photos into the next bin, “you could come hang here. I’m actually using my dark room as we speak and should have some great, almost artsy, pictures from the other day.” She laughed lightly, looking at another photograph developing. “You can be the first to see them.”
“Sounds like an honor,” he replied, not quite as cheerful.
“Oh, you can muster more enthusiasm than that!” she teased. “Look, head over and if you really have a burning desire to go bowling, I’ll even go bowling with you.”
“Isn’t it a little late for you?”
“Oh, but Alex, it’s my night off. Kevin dropped
“Well, now that you put it that way,” he chuckled, still not sounding excited, “I’m on my way.”
“And you wonder why you don’t have many dates,” she laughed. “You do a good job at giving a girl a complex.”
“I’ll buy ice cream after the waffles and make it up to you,” he replied.
“Now you’re talking!”
“So, what’s got you so antsy?” Katie asked, walking along
He licked ice cream off his lips and watched the sidewalk ahead of them for a moment. “I guess I’m a little nervous.”
“About the album?”
“About everything. A short tour was pretty easy, but we’re looking at a long list of dates and release media and all that. I’m doing okay,” he clarified, looking at her with deep brown eyes, “but every now and then, I just get a little antsy…concerned about how I’ll do once I’m actually out there again.” He licked his ice cream cone and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “You know, I’ve never done a tour this size sober. And we don’t even know what the album is going to do. What we’re facing yet.”
“So, you’re seeping yourself in regular life to make memories for when you’re out there?” she guessed, reaching out and running her hand down his back.
He nodded. “I guess so. But it’s not like I don’t want it to happen. And it’s not like I’m scared I’m going to fall back into the old routine. I’m damn sure that’s not going to happen. I just don’t want to spend a lot of time wondering, I guess.”
“Not like anyone can blame you for that,” she said, licking her ice cream again before it dripped onto her hand. “Tell you what, though, I think this time around is going to be drastically different than any other time you’ve been out there. You’re all older. You’ve all got a lot more savvy about what to look out for. You’ve got a fan base and the album is going to be a huge success so you’re not going to be struggling. It’s a whole different game. You’re a lot stronger than you ever were before – on every front.”
He grinned. “That’s what I keep telling myself, too.”
“Than eat your ice cream and stop thinking so damn hard.” She nudged him with her shoulder and chuckled. “And when you’re done, I say we head over to the pool hall so I can kick your butt at pool.”
“Kick my butt?” he laughed, this time the smile reaching his eyes. “Oh, Baby, have you got a lot to learn!”
She quickened her pace and glanced back over her
shoulder. “Oh, Baby, I don’t think so.”
“Ah ha! Beat that!” she gloated, watching the final striped ball slide into the corner pocket, pushing the blue solid out of line for AJ’s shot. “You owe me another car wash, Baby!”
“I let you win,” he laughed, pushing the ball into the closest pocket with his stick. “One more game…double or nothing. And this time, there’s no more Mr. Nice Guy.”
“You’re on,” she agreed, watching him bend over to collect the pool balls from the bin and place them into the triangle frame. Problem was, not only was she watching him, she was noticing him. The way his jeans hugged his thighs, and his tee shirt fit across his chest. She found her eyes tracing the intricate tattoos on his arms, or studying the skulls on his neck. And then he’d look up at her with a smile and she’d lose her thoughts behind his eyes, wondering what he was thinking.
The pool hall was filling up with smoke and crowded, but no one seemed to look twice at them as they continued to play and laugh. He’d been there often, apparently, and knew a lot of the regulars. The bartender kept bringing over sodas and pretzels and half the time, she didn’t realize her glass was full until AJ would lift his in a toast to him. Damn good thing it was just soda, because had it been beer, there would be no way she could kick his ass at pool.
“It was luck,” AJ kept saying, laughing as he drove them back home. “That’s all it was. And whatever you do, don’t tell anyone.”
“Yeah, like that’s gonna happen!” she laughed, turning the radio up and opening the window. She felt like she was free from curfew and relished the wind in her hair and the warmth of the night. Part of her just wanted him to keep driving around, checking out the sights like she’d done when she was a teenager with nothing else to do and no need to be home to do it.
When he pulled up to her house, he lowered the radio and turned off the engine. “You tired?”
“No,” she said.
“Cool.” They got out of the car, but instead of heading up the walk, he stood on the sidewalk and stretched out his hand. “Let’s go check out your neighborhood.” She stretched her out to his and he grabbed two fingers with two of his and started slowly down the sidewalk, cracking from tree roots. A few houses had porch lights on, and there were small areas where the streetlights dimly lit the road, but for the most part, they walked in the shadows. “So, we’ve been talking all night about me and the tour and all that…tell me about you.”
“Me?” she asked, somewhat startled by the question, her mind
still pondering the question of whether or not this would be considered holding
hands. “
“With the thick, black eyeliner?” he chuckled, looking at her.
“Thick black eyeliner, yeah,” she laughed. “I was so original, wasn’t I? Managed to pass my classes, but that was about it. Except for art class. I was great in art and was a theatre freak. All I wanted to do was make the sets for the plays, though. Never wanted to be on the stage. After graduation, we all knew it was pretty pointless for me to even attempt college, so I went to work at one of the local photography shops and that’s where my boss mentored me to be a real photographer. I had the interest in it, but never bothered to really study at it. But, I learned and that’s…that. Like I said, nothing exciting.”
“I would have thought you were one of those smart kids.”
“A cheerleader, perhaps?” she laughed.
“Oh, hell no! Just one of those smart kids that didn’t really blend.”
“I didn’t blend, that’s for sure. And I figured out once I was out of school that it wasn’t that I was stupid, I just didn’t care for the teaching techniques and was probably bored most of the time so I didn’t pay attention. If I had, who knows, I might have been one of those smart kids…with black hair and purple lipstick.”
“You might have been one of those Afterschool Specials,” he teased. “A lesson on learning not to judge people by what they look like on the outside.”
“A lesson on how to be AJ McLean?” she questioned. “Mr. Tattooed tough guy exterior.”
“Soft, mushy geek interior,” he completed, releasing her fingers and taking her full hand now, guiding her over a particularly bad crack in the pavement. She had to admit to herself that she was thrilled when he didn’t let go and they kept walking. “So, how’d your parents react to you lack of enthusiasm for your classes?”
“The way most parents would. I needed to apply myself. I never had phone privileges. We yelled…the usual. Oddly enough, they were pretty cool about the style choices I made. Personally, I thought they would freak when I came in after dying my hair but all they did was shake their head and roll their eyes. They did ask if I was going to do drugs, though.”
“And did you?”
“Nothing more than experimenting.” She shrugged. “I didn’t like it to be honest. I could get the same effect from drinking that I did smoking pot. At least, that’s what I thought at the time. I know there’s a subtle difference now, but didn’t care about subtle back then. And I was too damn scared to try anything else.”
“Smart move.”
“Doubt I would have liked it. If it made me feel out of control, I generally stayed away.”
“Another control freak?”
“Not really, I don’t think.” She considered it for a moment. “I think it’s more fear than control. I was too insecure to let my guard down that much, I think. We were stupid kids, and somewhere deep down, I think I knew that. If something went wrong, someone had to be sober to take care of things.”
“Ah, the responsible one.”
“I guess. Maybe just self-aware.”
“No brothers or sisters?”
“Nope.”
“Boyfriends?”
“A few.” She smiled,
watching the moths dive against the street light ahead. “
“So, what happened?”
“Not a single thing,” she laughed. “He was on the soccer team and his kind didn’t mix with my kind. And I doubt he knew I even existed. I think I got the nerve up to talk to him my senior year and we were soft of friends, but sadly, he wasn’t harboring any secret desire for me. Or, if he was, he didn’t let on. It was entirely unrequited.”
“He’d be kicking himself now.” He squeezed her hand and she could see his smile in the light at the end of someone’s sidewalk.
“Last I heard he worked for some computer company in sales and married the girl he started dating his senior year. Two kids, a dog…you know, the American Dream.”
“Isn’t that two-point-four kids, a dog, and a white picket fence?”
“See how much I paid attention?” she laughed.
“
“Popeye,” she answered quickly. “When I realized that Olive Oil was his girlfriend, I was devastated!”
He tugged her hand as he laughed and shook his head. “No, really…come on.”
“God, the first guy to break my heart? Probably Paul Schmied, in 9th grade. We dated for three months and I was sure he was the love of my life. But we went to a friends birthday party and I found him kissing another girl in the closet, the scoundrel. It was big drama and I never spoke to him again. Cried for days over him.”
“Days, huh?”
“Well, yeah, because then I started dating Richie and was sure he was the love of my life.”
“How long did that last?”
“Two weeks.” She laughed. “I was so fickle. I don’t know,” she continued with a lift of her shoulder. “I mean, I guess I dated enough. I don’t remember it being the only thing on my mind. I think I was truly in love for the first time about two years after graduation. He was going to the local community college and I met him at the local bar. Kyle Rainey. He was sweet and we dated for two years or so. We were very…predictable, which I guess I confused with stable and ‘good.’ When it started to get really serious, I broke it off because I was just petrified of being Mrs. Rainey. Boring and stable and predictable.” She closed her eyes for a second and shook her head. “I think I broke his heart on that one. And I think that’s probably why I went with Kevin like I did, because I had never done something so spontaneous and completely out of character like that.”
“What was it about Kevin…if you don’t mind me asking?”
She exhaled quietly and continued to shake her head. “He…was such a prick that first day. And when I got in my car and thought for sure that I had fucked up something that was really great for my portfolio, suddenly he was in the car and flirting with me. Part of me was appalled by that, and the other part of me thought ‘why the hell not?’ I think I was attracted to his confidence. The fact that he had the nerve to do something like and part of me liked the idea that he did after being with someone so stable and reliable. I guess I was ready to play too. I just didn’t expect that I’d be attracted as much as I was, I guess.”
Is that what’s happening again, Katie? She asked herself quietly, looking over to AJ. You like the unpredictable type, but prefer stability. That would be AJ, wouldn’t it? Expect one thing when you look at him, but he’s not even close to what he shows on the outside, is he? Is that what’s going on? Is this a red flag? Should you really be here thinking this about him?
“I guess I went from one extreme to the other,” she consider aloud.
“Wow,” he muttered, studying her for a moment. “You’d never know it. At least, we never guessed.”
“Guessed what?”
“That you weren’t as…adventurous as you led on, maybe?”
“Adventurous?” she cackled. “Is that the polite way to say easy?”
“No!” he said, panic thick in his voice. “That’s not what I meant at all! No! It’s just…when Kevin came in the following day with you we just thought you were more…take it as it comes? No big deal, just having fun? That doesn’t sound right either. We didn’t think you were easy. We just thought you were adult about it, I guess. We were stupid kids, we didn’t know any better.”
“We all were stupid kids, Alex,” she informed him, running her free hand down his arm gently. “Hell, one day, we’ll look back to today and say the same thing.”
“Probably,” he agreed. “But, for what it’s worth, we thought you were pretty cool and was kind of happy you were with Kevin so we got to hang out with you. If we were in junior high, some of us might have memorized your schedule and followed you to your classes without you knowing.” She smiled as he looked over and winked at her quickly. So, what did he mean by some of them might have followed her? Was he actually flirting with her too, or was she reading too much into what he was saying? “Damn, now I’m picking up the Howie D wink!” he teased himself.
“Occupational hazard?” she offered playfully.
“Nice save,” he whispered. “Thanks.”
“No worries, Babe. I’ll make sure you keep your pop star integrity.”
“Does that promise cover all aspects, or is it just good for tonight?” He stopped just beneath the meek shadows of some branches in the streetlight and turned to face her. He suddenly looked nervous, and he was leaning in. Soon, her lips were brushing against his in a gentle, slow kiss and she couldn’t breathe. When they parted, he had both her hands, holding them tightly in his. “Did I just lose all integrity?” he asked quietly, searching her eyes.
“Not at all,” she replied, forcing herself to find her voice, letting a shy smile cross her lips. “So, is that why we went on this walk?”
“I’m not sure,” he told her, slowly starting his pace again. “But somewhere during the night, I realized I had to. I think it might have been when you were kicking my ass at pool.”
She looked down, hearing the words as they came out of her mouth and amazed she was even admitting it. “You mean, when I was checking you out?”
“Oh, cool, it
wasn’t just my imagination!” he sighed with relief, busting into laughter.
“You are such a geek!”
“And you say that like it’s a surprise.”
“I haven’t seen, or heard, from you in months, and you show
up on my doorstep at
“No, there’ve been worse,” he chuckled playfully, walking over to wrap his arms around her waist and smiled at her.
She rolled her eyes and exhaled heavily. “Not by much.” He moved in to kiss her deeply, pulling her
tight against his chest to get lost in her taste. Her stiffness gave way and she responded to
him, spreading her palms against his chest.
This is why he called.
When he opened his eyes, Jeanne was sitting on the bed
nibbling a piece of toast and grinning down to him. “
He mumbled, clearing his throat. He pushed himself up and reached over, grabbing the mug and sipping gingerly. “Thanks.”
“Tied one on last night, didn’t you?” she asked, hugging her leg and waving the toast at him.
“Yeah, sorry.”
She shrugged and nibbled the toast again. “I figured there was a reason.”
“Does there have to be a reason?” he asked, chuckling
lightly and then feeling the throb of his head.
“
“Yeah, okay,” she said doubtfully. “You just don’t call for months on end and show up drunk for no reason. The reason was you had an itch and no one else to scratch it, right, Kev?”
“Now, it ain’t like that.”
“Yeah, it is,” she laughed. “Like I think there’s anything else between us? Trust me, Kev, the only thing between us is the late night booty call. Only thing there ever was. I’m not complaining, but it’d be nice if I could make the call on occasion and have you return it.” She nudged him with her toe.
“Sorry. I’ve been…”
“Chasing tail, I know.”
He sipped his coffee and looked out the window, wincing into the sun coming through the window. “I wouldn’t call it that.”
She winced, eyeing him carefully. “Oh, worse. You were out getting your heart broken. Dude.”
“Yeah, I guess I was.”
“Alright, then, I guess you’re allowed to make that kind of booty call then. Did it work?” she asked, resting down on her side, resting her head in her hand.
“What work?”
“Prove to yourself that you screw around again with someone else? Even if it was just me.”
“Oh, Jeanne, come on. Just you…what’s that supposed to mean?”
She sat up and rested a hand on his shoulder, leaning in to whisper. “I’m safe.” She kissed him quickly and rested back on her hands with a smile. “I guess I actually feel kind of flattered.” He chuckled. “You were actually quite gentle last night. I figured something was going on because you weren’t your usual playful, studly self. And when you fell asleep, you actually held me – didn’t just roll over and snore.”
“I’m amazed you let me in your door if that’s what I normally do.”
“Don’t get me wrong, Kev. I like the playful, studly, roll over and snore. I just knew something was different when you didn’t do it. And this morning…when I actually got to wake you up and you weren’t halfway out the door with a kiss on the cheek.” She nudged him again with her toe, and he reached out and grabbed her foot, holding on to it, not knowing what to say. “It’s okay Kevin. That’s what friends are for, right?”
“I am sick to death of that word,” he grumbled, dropping his head back against the wall with a sigh.
Jeanne tilted her head and watched him curiously. “You got the ‘f’ word from her?”
“No,” he answered. “Just the ‘f’ word, implied.” He put the mug back down on the nightstand and kicked the sheets down. “I’m sorry, Jeanne. I shouldn’t….”
“Oh, just stop.” She pushed the blankets back over his legs and shifted, resting hers over his. “She broke your heart. You’re human and you’re looking for someway to get back to normal. What we do?” She motioned between them, lifting her eyebrows. “That’s what you considered normal. But you’re in love, and what we did last night didn’t feel like normal, so you’re just feeling lost. Good news is…you’ll figure it out. Bad news is, it’s just gonna take a little more time than you were hoping. No easy fixes. You just gotta roll with it for awhile.” She moved closer and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “And accept comfort however it comes.”
After going inside and setting coffee, Katie went into the bathroom to freshen up and faced herself in the mirror for the first time. She faced the morning, but she was going to have to face Kevin at some point, and that would be more difficult than staying up all night. As she stared at herself brushing her teeth, she kept thinking about it. It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t forced. It just happened and in spite of worrying about Kevin, she felt…happy. It had been years since she looked at herself in the mirror and saw that spark behind her eyes, laughing back at her without screaming in fear.
When she came out, AJ sat on the couch comfortably and smiled to her. “Has it hit you yet?” he asked knowingly.
“I think it’s trying to,” she answered, sitting on the arm of the couch, hearing the coffee sputter. She went into the kitchen, followed by AJ and fixed their coffee. She handed a mug to AJ and sat next to him at the kitchen table. They’d been awake all night, sitting outside on the front step talking for most of it, kissing for the rest. She didn’t want to go inside and sleep, she wanted to wait and greet the morning and be awake to face the morning light and make sure what was happening was real. What surprised her most was how quickly the sunrise came, and that they were still outside laughing with each other when it did. “How do you feel?”
AJ stirred some sugar into the mug and licked the spoon before setting it on the napkin. “I feel pretty good, if you want to know the truth. You?”
She smiled down to her cup, then to him. “Me too.”
“We’ll have some explaining to do.”
“Can you explain it?” she questioned curiously.
It was AJ’s turn to look into his mug for some answers, but all he could do was shrug and look back at her. “Not really. But it happened, right?” He reached out and took her hand. “And I don’t want to change it, do you?”
She just shook her head, unable to remove the stupid smile
from her face. Just looking down and
seeing her hand in his made her stomach flip giddily. The rough rugged look of the skull tattoos
across his knuckles only made the paradox more intriguing. He exposed such hardness with his tattoo
choices, a slight attempt to soften them with roses or, in some cases, flesh,
but it didn’t hide anything when he opened his heart like he had. She chuckled to herself. He was
a geek, but somehow, his geekiness was endearing.
“So, we’ll work it out,” he finished, rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand.
“Your nail polish is chipped,” she commented with a laugh. “Now there’s something I’d never thought I’d say to a guy.”
“Yeah, didn’t you notice me picking at it most of the night? Well, before the walk, at any rate.”
“No…probably because I was picking at mine.” She lifted her other hand and showed him where she’d been peeling hers. “Doesn’t that black stain your nails?”
“Why do you think I keep painting them black?”
“It’s your signature color, I thought.”
“They’re a mess,” he replied, looking down to his hand. “I need to have them done again.”
She cracked up again. “You kill me. You paint your nails black, but I bet you have them done in some swanky little salon. Am I right?” He nodded, looking a little confused. She just laughed harder. “Sorry, just the visual of you sitting there with your tattoos, in the black tank top and torn blue jeans rolled up so you can get your pedicure as they buff your nails is quite a sight.”
“You should come with me next time.”
“I might not be able to.
I’d pass out from not being able to breathe laughing so hard.” She squeezed his hand and sat up slightly to
kiss him quickly. “I do my nails with
“She can come.”
“Hell, no. She’s not going to get accustomed to having her nails done in a salon at seven years old. We’re more than capable to do them here at home. Besides, it’s our girly time together.”
“You really are pretty amazing with her, you know that?” he said, taking a sip of his coffee. She just shrugged and shook her head, but he continued. “No, really, you are. My life was pretty much the same as hers, remember? I know it’s not easy being a single mom, even with your parents around to help you out. But you make time with her. And that’s really special. She’ll remember those kinds of things later on. Trust me.”
“Like how you remember things with your mom?”
“I guess our time was when she’d take me to auditions. We’d spend time together in the car talking and stuff. She never let on how hard it was for her to do all that for me.” He looked up with a smile. “And you don’t either, do you?”
“I’ve been known to have my mind wander when she’s babbling,” she admitted. “You can’t help it, but I don’t want her to know that I get scared. She’s a kid. I’m the mom. I’m supposed to take care of things so she can be a kid.”
“And she’s a great kid. You’re doing a great job.”
“Thank you,” she said softly. “I guess I plan so much with her hoping that she does remember I was there for her when the big stuff starts to happen. Boys, and mean girls, and drugs and all that. She’s got a whole different life ahead of her than what I knew as a kid. It petrifies me sometimes.”
“You’re a good mom, Kate,” he said firmly, tapping their hands on the table lightly. “You’ll handle whatever comes your way with her. And if anything happens, Kevin will kill them. I wouldn’t plan on her dating until she’s about 37, either.”
“Yeah,” she chuckled, “I don’t think he’s going to have much luck with that.”
“Probably not, but it’s not going to stop him from trying.” They looked at one another for a quiet moment, thinking about the bigger problem with Kevin, but remained silent. “So…what are your plans for the rest of the day?”
“You mean aside from sleep?” she asked. “I had nothing really planned.”
“How about a lazy day poolside…naps on a lounge chair, a few cool drinks?” he offered.
“Good company?”
“The best!”
“Hey, good weekend?” Kevin asked AJ the following Monday as he stretched in the studio.
“Not bad,” AJ answered, sitting next to him and stretching his legs out, leaning over to grab his toes. “Pretty quiet. You?”
“Okay,” Kevin shrugged, leaning back on his hands. “Nothing too exciting. Saw Jeanne.”
AJ snickered and looked under his elbow at Kevin. “Jeanne, huh?
And how is Jeanne these days?”
Kevin nodded with a sly smile. “Jeanne is just fine, thanks.”
AJ sat up and pulled his arm across his chest, holding the stretch. “So, I take it you’re, uh, back in the saddle?”
“That was the plan, but I don’t really think so.”
“No?”
Kevin shrugged again. “Wasn’t quite what I was expecting it to be, but it’s all good. I can take some time.” He watched AJ look intently down to the floor in his stretch, making no further comment. Something in the silence felt stiff. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” he said, a little too quickly. “I just…” He shook his head. “Nothing.”
Before he could ask another question, Nick ran into the room in his socks and slid across the floor with a holler, using Kevin’s shoulder as a stopper. Moments later, they were wrestling on the floor with Nick screaming to be let go as they cackled in laughter. When he looked up, AJ had slipped across the room and was talking to Howie.
“Anyone want to go grab dinner?” Kevin asked coming out of the shower.
“Haven’t you seen enough of our bright shiny faces today?” Nick teased, giving Kevin a goofy smile as he shook his head side to side quickly.
“I’m going home to my family,” Brian said, tying his sneakers. “Baylee told me that I was gone long enough today.”
“Man is he in for a shock in a few weeks,” Howie chuckled, pulling a tee shirt over his head. “I’d like to, Kev, but I got plans already.”
“Aje?” Kevin asked, stepping into his tan capris.
AJ slid a tee shirt over his head and kept looking into the locker. “Ah, nah…I’m pretty beat.”
“Come on, Kev,” Nick said, “you can play with me. I’m just heading out to the Spider Club.”
“D’you think AJ was acting weird today?” Kevin asked Nick over the music, sipping his beer.
Nick leaned over. “Nah…not really. I think he was just tired like he said.” Nick scratched the top of his head quickly and looked around the club. “Why? You think he was acting weird?”
“Not sure,” he answered, but he was. Something was weird, but he couldn’t quite figure it out. He couldn’t say AJ was avoiding him, but he did seem to be keeping his distance more than usual. He was also quiet around Kevin, but seemed more animated around the others, and he couldn’t figure out why. He knew he was keeping an eye on AJ too closely, and he had to remind himself to back off. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust AJ, but he just wanted to make sure that the same thing that happened a few years ago could never happen again. He was making a point to be there for AJ, and today, he felt AJ pulling away for some reason.
“Lighten up, Kev,” Nick said easily. “None of us are used to being Backstreet full time anymore.”
And there was that, he considered. After five years, everyone’s habits had changed a little. Sometimes it felt like they were Frat brothers again, and then sometimes, they had to step back and figure out who that guy standing across from them were. A lot of adjustments were still happening. They weren’t kids anymore…any of them.
“…I mean, it’s good,” Nick continued, “don’t get me wrong. But it’s kind of weird at times too, you know?”
“Yeah,” he sipped his beer, settling back into the
booth. Nick was right. That’s all it was. AJ was just having a weird day…or maybe he
was. Either way, tomorrow would be
better.
“So? How was it?” Katie asked, sitting on the couch and turning the TV down.
“Ma!”
“I’m not gonna lie,” AJ sighed, “it was fucking weird. I couldn’t talk to him a lot.” She wasn’t sure what to say and she couldn’t blame him. It was going to be hard to see Kevin and not feel a rush of guilt. “It started out alright. He saw…”
“What?” she asked when he stopped speaking.
“Well, there’s a chick he knows that he...uh…spends time with. And he saw her this weekend, so I was like, ‘cool.’ Thinking maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he was sort of over you, right?”
“But?”
“Didn’t quite work out the way he wanted, he said. And that’s when I started to feel guilty. Started to keep my distance, you know? I was kind of afraid he might…I don’t know…guess?”
“We’re going to be pathetic,” she chuckled lightly, glancing
to
“We’re going to have to figure out what the hell we want from this,” AJ replied seriously. “That’s what I kept thinking more than anything. If we’re going to do this, we have to make it worthwhile because I’m not going to screw him over for…”
“What do you mean by worthwhile? What’s worthwhile to you?”
“Not a fling. Not just something to pass the time… I’m not saying marriage or anything,” he added quickly, “but I don’t want it to be just some kind of curiosity thing either.”
“It’s not a curiosity thing on this end,” she said, leaning back against the headboard and closing her eyes. Suddenly, she felt nervous and realized she was holding her breath. What did she consider worthwhile? “I’m not thinking forever either, but I don’t want to be convenience.”
“No,” he replied quickly. “Definitely not just for convenience for me. I think…we can be worthwhile. As long as we keep talking. And sometimes, that’s not easy for me and I know it pisses people off.”
“I have no problem letting you know when you’re being a butthead,” she teased lightly. “As long as you tell me when I’m being overbearing…and not use it as some kind of avoidance. I tend to know when I’m doing it, but you have to nudge me on occasion.”
“Sounds fair.” She released a quiet breath and opened her eyes, smiling slightly into the emptiness of her room, hearing the muffled sounds of the TV from down the hall. “So…we’re really gonna do this?” he asked, and if she could hear a smile, she heard his.
“I think we already are, aren’t we?”
“Well, yeah, but, what I mean is…you don’t want to back out or anything yet?”
“No,” she answered without hesitation. “I don’t want to end this, but you’re the one that has more to lose. I don’t see Kevin virtually everyday. I don’t have to sit with him in a bus for hours on end.”
“That’s why I want to make sure it’s worthwhile,” AJ said. “Because if we’ve got something, if we’re serious, I think he’ll see that and come around.”
“If he doesn’t?” she asked hesitantly.
“He’s reasonable, Katie. If he’s anything at all, Kevin is one of the most reasonable people I know. I don’t think he’ll be unreasonable about it if we’re something real. He understands things like that. He’ll have to.”
She wanted to believe him and realized she had to. If she wanted to be honest with herself, AJ
was the one that really knew Kevin
inside and out. He was the one that grew
up with him, spent time with him and had the heart to heart talks with
him. She knew Kevin, but she never got that close. Yes, there was a time when she could have known him better, but it
never had time to develop.
As she settled into the mattress, there was no screaming in the back of her head saying to be careful, or be cautious. It was realization she didn’t expect. She trusted AJ and believed what he said. Now there was only a hope that Kevin could believe them.