"Hi, darlin'!" Jana said happily, plugging her ear to hear Kevin over the noise of the club. She wasn't even sure how she got here. Last thing she knew the dancers were just going out to have some dinner, but now, she sat with them and the rest of NSync in some VIP lounge in some Los Angeles club. And, now that she thought of it, she was a little more than tipsy. She could hear it in her voice and positive Kevin could too.

"Where are you?"

"Da-da-da-da-da…" she started singing the intro to The Call and giggled. "Sorry. I'm out with the guys and the dancers." She nudged JC's shoulder. "Where are we?"

"Bang," JC answered, handing her another drink.

"Did you hear? What he said," she giggled into the phone. "And I'm a bit drunk."

"Yeah."

"Oh," she grimaced at the phone and looked at JC with widened eyes. "He's not pleased."

"Shit," Joey teased. "He's not the one we want to have pissed at us."

"I can take 'em!" Chris boasted playfully, beating a fist on his chest as he stood up and broadened his shoulders.

"No, dude, you can't. She's dating the big one," JC informed him with a shake of his head, his bangs flopping over his forehead. "Remember?"

"The big one?" Chris asked, sinking down into his chair. "Not the religious one?"

"He's married!" Justin told him.

"So is the one she's dating!" Chris dissented, pointing to Jana. "She said so!"

"She's dating Kevin," JC said with a firm look. "The dark haired one."

"With the tattoos?" He giggled and pranced around behind JC's chair. "You know how those boy bands all blend together!"

"No, with the muscles," Joey said with a laugh, pushing his palm against Chris' forehead. "Fuckin' freak."

"Oh, that one…sorry, dude!"

Jana turned the phone from her mouth and looked at Joey and Chris. "He has tattoos," she said with a sly smile. "You're just never gonna see them."

Justin and Chris bayed like wolves in response and burst into laughter. "We'll bring her back! Promise!" Chris laughed mischievously, leaning over Jana's shoulder to call into the phone.

"See? Hear that? They're going to bring me back!" Jana said as Joey pulled Chris off her shoulder.

"Only if I get to see the tattoos, Kev!" Chris added in giggles.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow," Kevin said more calmly than she was comfortable with. "Have a good time."

"Kev?"

"What?"

"I love you," she said, turning away from the rest, but they'd overheard anyway and started teasing her, making kissing noises. She hadn't been able to hear his reply, if there even was any. Flipping her phone closed, she dropped down on JC's lap and furrowed her forehead, wondering if she had made plans with Kevin and managed to blow him off?

"You look like you lost something," JC told her with a smile.

"Not really," she waved her hand at him, "I lost my mind a while ago. I'm just trying to figure out how much of it."

"Oh, that's easy," he teased, "all of it. Look where you are! Who you're with!" He shook her shoulders and laughed. "What're you thinking?"

"How the fuck she's going to make that dance step work," Joey said leaning between them. "Because that's all she's been going on about all goddamn day!" He picked up her hand, pushing her glass towards her face. "Stop thinking, girlfriend! Just drink!"

"You say that now," she laughed. "You've never had to work with me when I'm hung over. It's not very pretty."

"You're always pretty, darling," JC gushed at her. "Just drink up and let's go dance. You're stopping the circulation in my legs with your bony butt."

"Bony butt?" she scoffed, getting off his lap and tugging his elbow. "You want to talk about bony butts? Have you ever seen your own backside, Mr. Chasez?" She patted his butt and lifted her eyebrows, looking behind him. "Skinny hips, no butt…you're all hair, dude!"

"Good hair," he corrected with a nod.

"Well, yeah…but still!"

"Shut-up and dance, girl!" he teased, dragging Jana back out to the dance floor.

"Dance?" she laughed, letting herself be dragged.

"If you sweat enough, maybe you'll sober up before you go home to Kevin and he won't kill us."

"I'm not going home to Kevin," she said. "I'm going home to Fatima's where I'm staying."

"No, you're going home to Kevin," he chuckled.

"Nope. He's home."

"So?"

"His home is her home." She shook her head, stopping in the middle of her dance step. "I won't stay there unless it's an emergency."

"Jana, by the look on your face when you hung up? This is an emergency."

~

"You're not answering your phone…So, I'm going to guess that you're pissed at me…I'm home if you want to talk.…"

He didn't want to talk. He wanted to just go to sleep, but his brain kept hearing Jana on the other end of the phone, laughter and music behind her. It had nothing at all to do with who she was with, just that she was with other people. Just that she chose to be with other people instead of calling him. Seeing him. Inviting him.

"Remember how determined we were when we were climbing to the top?"

Determined or avoiding? Had he been determined or avoiding Kristin when he'd done the same thing? Did he even question it when he'd done it, or just thought everything else was more important? He'd missed Kristin in the beginning, but had he just ignored the warning signs? Had she done the same kind of questioning when he'd called her?

'da-da-da-da-da…' Damn intro…fucking song… 'Listen, baby, I'm sorry…' Shut-up! 'Wanna tell you don't worry…'

"She'll go home and sleep in her own bed every night…"

"I will be late, don't stay up and wait for me…"

Clichés suck.

~

Jana walked in the front door and dropped her bag down, then paused, looking down the foyer lit with white votive candles. "Hello?" she called out, taking a few quiet steps further.

"It's not a stalker. Perfectly safe, darlin'."

"Kevin?" She walked further into the house, finding Kevin standing next to the table in the kitchenette. An arrangement of fresh flowers sat in the center of lit candelabras, and two place settings. "Oh my…"

"Hungry?" he asked, pulling a chair out.

"What's all this?" She looked around at candles of all shapes and sizes around the living room. "How…"

"Sometimes it pays to have connected friends," he answered, motioning to the chair. "Hungry?" She went over to the table and kissed him quickly before sitting down. He came back to the table with salad and a bowl of pasta, placing it on the table and sat next to her. "Good session today?"

She blinked at the table and looked back at him. "I'm trying to take all this in…give me a second," she laughed in shock. "What have you been up to?."

"Oh, you don't know what all I've been up to," he said, placing a portion of pasta on her plate. "Your laundry is done." He motioned with his chin. "There's food in your cupboard, and…" he reached back to the counter behind him and handed some brochures to her, "here's the apartment listing guides. I went ahead and marked some that are near the usual studios Fatima works out of." All she could do was cover her mouth with her fingers and look at him. "You all right?" he asked with a smile.

"What…I mean…how…" She could just shake her head and blink at him in wonder as he smiled simply. 'This was overwhelmed,' she thought looking at him, speechless and without a thought in her head to explain these emotions.

"You've been busy," he said with a shrug, picking his fork into the pasta and feeding her. "I figured you wouldn't mind some help."

"I thought you were so mad after last night," she said, covering her mouth as she spoke mid-chew.

"I was," he admitted, taking a bite from her plate. "But after bitching at myself most of the night, I decided that instead of griping about it, I thought how I might make things a bit easier. If you had some stuff off your plate…" She leaned over and kissed him warmly. "…you'd have some time to unwind ."

"And time to spend with you," she said with a smile before he fed her another fork full.

"Might be a bonus, yeah."

"I like your thinking," she told him. "And your cooking."

"You haven't seen dessert yet." She widened her eyes at him. "Chocolate."

"You are a God among men."

"I've been told that," he laughed.

"You probably have! But not for what I was thinking: chocolate, dear."

"Triple chocolate," he said seductively, moving closer. "Mousse."

"I may orgasm," she replied in a whisper, kissing him.

"Can I help?" he chuckled.

"More than you already have? Is that possible?"

He looked past her shoulder and nodded slowly. "There's a bath by candlelight to be drawn, rose petals to float in the water…and those new jersey sheets you like so much on the bed."

"You're gonna make me cry," she gasped lightly. "How do you remember all that?"

"I do listen when you talk. Take notes and pay attention."

"Take notes?" she snickered.

"Well…mental notes. But I remember. Does it matter how?"

"No." She sighed. "I don't care. I just like that you manage to make me feel so dang special."

"Well, it's about damn time! I've been trying to make you feel like this for weeks!"

"Ah, Kev." She tilted her head at him sadly. "I know…I've been so…"

"You've been working," he interrupted. "And when it comes time, I'm going to be working at the same breakneck speed and you can do my laundry and make me dinner. I prefer showers instead of baths, though." He ran his hand down her arm and sat back, looking at her. "Look, Jan, we haven't adjusted well. If we can make this easier on each other, I'm gonna do it because I want there to be an each other. I needed to realize you have other commitments and not take those commitments personally. It's going to take awhile. As I've had pointed out to me, I can be a bit blind sometimes." He leaned his elbows on the table. "I kinda like to have my own way."

"You don't say," she said, hearing tears in her own voice.

"There's no crying in romance," he teased with a shake of his head.

"How many romance novels have you read?" she laughed. "There's always crying in romance!" She kissed him quickly. "How else are you supposed to kiss the tears away and lead into sensual sex?"

"Not before dessert!" he protested, pulling back. "I slaved!"

"What have I done? Dessert? He's offered sex and chooses dessert?"

He stood up and laughed heartily. "I've always wanted to do this!" He looked down to the table and lifted a finger before blowing out the candles, then, with a brush of his arm, he knocked everything to the floor as she squealed in laughter. Turning to her, he lifted her up by her waist and placed her down on the table, both in hysterical laughter. "Is this more of what you had in mind?"

~
**Nquirer**
~

"Hey, look! It's JC's girlfriend!" Chris called, skipping across the studio to her. "Why don't you be his girlfriend?" he started singing.

"Cuz Kevin would break his face," Justin sang in return, looking up from his laptop. "Forget about the things he'd break in its place…"

"But if you were his girlfriend, he'd treat you like a shining star…" Chris countered. "The one that could show you…um…how cool you are?" He looked around to the faces staring at him.

"Y'all are freaks, you know that?" Jana laughed, tousling Chris' hair affectionately. "I'll stick with the boyfriend I have, thanks."

"Geeeet another boyfriend!" Chris chirped cheerfully, mimicking Backstreet. "Damn those boy bands to hell!" he cackled, cracking himself up.

"How bad is it?" she asked, walking over to Justin. "I heard some kind of comment on K-Rock in the Celebrity Gossip."

"They got pictures and everything," he said, clicking in the browser and bringing the page up. "And not very good one's at that."

"Mmm," Jana said, scanning the articles. "Credible shots too. I mean, would you look at how incriminating that one is with JC? I can't believe they'd publish such a thing! It's virtually X-Rated!" She shook her head and headed over towards the stereo. "All right boys, give me five minutes and I'll be ready to go over the dance, starting from the top. We're running out of time and I want to work on some of the stuff Wade has you doing for the tour."

"Aw, man! She's gonna punish us because JC was flirting!" Joey groused playfully, getting up from the floor where he'd been sitting.

"Where is my lover boy anyway?" she asked. "And Lance?"

"Probably still fighting in the locker room," Justin answered, closing his laptop. "Lance stole JC's clothes when he was changing and I think he tossed them out the window."

"Cap'n Crunch for breakfast?" she asked.

"Why'd you ask that?"

"You boys do some weird shit on sugar highs. Someone go get them…and JC's clothes? I swear, y'all are worse than Backstreet!" she teased.

"Hey! They're fightin' words!" Chris said, heading across the studio towards the locker rooms.

"You wanna make something of it?" she challenged, turning to look at Chris defiantly.

"Don't do it, Chris!" Joey called. "She's gonna take it out on us all day if you do!"

"But! But! She…Backstreet!" Chris sputtered in mock disgust. "Aw, man! That's it! Lance!" He headed into the locker room. "I'm going on that rocket with you, dude!"

"Well go and get back asap. I've got apartments to look at today!" Jana called to them as she started warming up.

~

Kevin opened the door and found himself feeling immediately awkward and face-to-face with Kristin. Her hair was pulled back and she was in stretch pants and a baggy tee shirt, carrying an empty box. "Hi," she said nervously.

"You could've let yourself in," he said, opening the door wider. "You still have a key."

"Yeah, I guess, it just…didn't seem right, I suppose."

He took the box from her with a slight smile as she came further in the foyer, looking around. "You look good," he commented. She did, too. She looked well rested and slightly tanned. "Everything's going okay?"

She nodded and smiled in return. "Yeah. Thing's are going okay." She paused, looking towards the living room. "Everything seems to be spotless as always."

"I cleaned," he confessed. "Come in…don't just stand there. Do you want something to drink?"

"No, that's okay. I'm just gonna get a few more things and go," she answered. "Kirk's going to get his friends truck next weekend and we can load that up and start getting some of the bigger things out."

"That's fine," he said, rubbing his palms together.

"Polite is okay, Kevin," she said, finally looking up to his face with a sad smile. "We don't have to be friends."

"Kris…" he started, but didn't know what to say. He wouldn't be able to maintain a friendship with her. Not in any real sense of the word. Whatever basis they had formed all those years ago some how didn't seem to stand up to what they were facing now. At least, not at the moment. Maybe once they moved on and got some distance from everything they'd done to each other they'd be able to have some meaning behind the smiles and not feel hurt and sad.

"It's fine, Kevin," she said. "Really." All he could do was nod, but something in her voice still made tears come to his eyes. He didn't want to change anything. He didn't want to keep trying, or get back together, but there was still a lingering sadness somewhere that they'd failed. "So, I'm just going to go up and get some stuff."

"I'll carry the box out for you when you're ready."

"I know you will." This time she gave him an honest smile. "Your mama wouldn't have raised you any other way." She quietly headed up the stairs and he leaned back against the wall with a heavy sigh. Bit by bit the house was being emptied and with each trip she made over the last few days, it seemed to grow bigger and bigger around him. Every other time she'd come he'd been at the studio. He was supposed to be there this morning, but his lawyer had changed his appointment to late morning and he had a few more hours to kill.

He went into the dining room to finish his coffee, somehow feeling awkward with her in the house, like he should offer to help. But offering felt strange too. What if she's up there crying? What if she's up there cursing me silently? Would I make things easier or harder on her? How is it that, somehow, this became my house and she feels like a visitor? When'd it stopped being ours? Why can't Jana see that it wasn't Kristin's anymore? Can't she feel that she's gone from the here?

"Kev? Is it okay if I take the photo albums? I'll just have copies made," Kristin said from the living room. He hadn't even heard her come back downstairs.

"Yeah, sure," he said with a nod.

She tilted her head slightly in observation and smiled. "Why is it that now, now that everything is over, you look so guilty when you look at me?"

He crinkled his forehead in surprise. "Now that's a loaded question, isn't it?" he asked, trying to laugh it off.

"Not really," she said, walking to the doorway of the dining room. "It's just a question."

"I didn't know I looked guilty."

"You do. And you shouldn't. We handled a lot of things wrong, but really, thinking about it, I think it ended for the best. For both of us. You're going to be great to her."

"Why do you say that?"

She came in and sat on the edge of the chair next to him, folding her hands together in her lap. "Because you were great to me and you didn't love me half as much as you love her."

She didn't just say that. She can't possibly be sitting there and talking about me and Jana. "This is what they mean by hormones talking, right?" he asked in confusion.

"No," she shook her head. "Just a lot of truths I didn't want to see until I had to. I didn't want to lose you. But I really had no right to hold you if you really didn't feel the same way about me."

"It wasn't all bad, Kris."

"No, it wasn't. Which is why I can say with some fairly good confidence that it's going to be great with Jana. Because it was pretty great with us and you never felt this passionate towards me."

"Aw, now…"

She lifted a hand up to quiet him. "You were faithful, Kevin. You were faithful to a marriage you never really wanted in the first place, and you fought to maintain it until she came along. There had to be something there I was missing if you were willing to break the promises we made to each other."

"And you wonder why I look guilty?" he asked ironically.

"It doesn't matter now, Kevin. Look at me." She sat back and pulled the tee shirt over her slight belly. "I'm pregnant with another man's child. Even if we wanted things to work out, it was over. We both made sure of that. Not just you. And if I'm willing to accept some the blame, I have to take some of it off of you. I…really love Kirk." That really shouldn't have felt as painful as it did, but he felt himself wanting to wince with the words. "And we have something really different than what we had…and I really like the way things turned out in spite of the mess we created getting here."

"If you tell me I'd really like him, I'm going to have to wonder when we entered the Twilight Zone because…" he shook his head, "…something is just out of whack here."

"No, something just made us see the truth, I think." She stood up and started back towards the steps. "I should have that box ready in about five minutes. Is that okay?"

He could only nod, watching her head back across the living room. Nope, she definitely did not belong in this house anymore. As he considered what she said, he sat back. She didn't belong in his world anymore. The door was wide open for Jana. Now all he had to do was get her up the path that led to it.

~

"So, I heard on K-Rock she's hanging with NSync these days," Kristin said as he carried the box to her car.

"Yeah, she's performing with them at the Grammy's and is going to pick up on the rest of the rehearsal's for their tour."

"And she just got off of Janet's gig?"

"Yeah."

Kristin went over to the driver's side and leaned against the car, fiddling with her key chain. "She's always been good."

"She impressed the hell out of me with the Janet tour," he admitted, closing the trunk. "What was K-Rock saying?"

"There's apparently some article somewhere about her dating JC Chasez these days," she laughed with a shake of her head. Jana's dating JC? Since when is Jana dating JC Chasez? What the hell is this all about now? "They'll never get your relationships right, Kevin. Some still think I'm your girlfriend. Imagine how surprised they'll be when they find out we're divorced! Wonder where our secret marriage will be."

"Oh, Las Vegas, I'm sure. Same as the divorce, right?" This was just…wrong. Wasn't it? He couldn't possibly be standing here joking about this.

"Oh, I hope it was something Elvis related."

"I'm sure he performed the ceremony."

"And Wayne Newton preceded over the divorce?" she laughed.

"Who else?" He teased with a mocking shake of his head.

"Well, I'll give you a call if Kirk gets the truck next weekend, okay?"

He nodded, holding the car door open for her until she got in. "Drive safe."

Drive safe? He thought he should look around in the bushes for the cameras, expecting someone to come out with an explanation for whatever the hell it was that was going on. Instead, she headed down the driveway and he was left standing outside with the sun's warmth at his back.

~

Jana burst into laughter, dropping her chin in disbelief. "And where do you think I'm going to come up with that kind of rent?" She glanced back down to the apartment booklet as Kevin made a turn off Laurel Canyon Road. "Did it escape your mind that I make, oh, about a million dollars less than you do, dear?"

"I did not forget," he answered with a shake of his head.

"And I'm affording this on my salary how?"

"With the help of your adoring boyfriend who's not going to let you just move in anywhere," he answered. She shook her head and looked out the window. "What 'no?' Jana…"

"I'm not sponging off you, Kevin," she said adamantly, shaking her head again. "I can afford a one bedroom apartment on my own salary if it's reasonable."

"You need someplace a little more protected than what your salary can afford, Jan. And if you're moving out here, the least I can do is make sure you're somewhere safe."

She turned and blinked at him. "And New York was? What? Disneyland?"

"New York you lived with someone else. You weren't in Manhattan. And I wasn't stopping by on a regular basis, and let's face it, it's LA, but people are still going to pay a little more attention than they did in New York as to who's coming and going." She rolled her eyes and sighed. "That doesn't mean anything, Jana. The least you can do is have someplace that's got a controlled entry, and the place you're looking at doesn't."

"I don't want…I can afford…"

Kevin pulled over in front of an apartment complex and turned the engine off, turning to face her. "I know, Jana. You can, you can, you can. I'm not saying you can't. I'm just saying that there's no need to. This is close to the JWR office. It's close to my house. There's controlled entry so you won't be bothered and it's a little more comfortable than the place you're looking at. You're not asking for help, and I understand you don't want it, but please, just accept it because I can make it a little easier, you can live a little nicer, and yes, I'd feel a lot better knowing you're a little safer. Call it macho. Call it bullheaded. Call it whatever you want to call it, but humor me at least, look at it."

"And if I like it?"

"We'll figure out how much you can afford, realistically, and I'll supplement the rest." She tilted her head and exhaled heavily. "Roll your eyes now, but you know I'm right." Taking her hand, he leaned over slightly and smiled. "Jana, stop being so danged proud and let me do this." She looked out the window to the stucco Spanish styled complex surrounded by wrought iron gates. "It'll be a bit a whole lot more convenient, darlin'."

"I was right the first time," she said with a slight shake of her head. "You're sneaky."

~

The mattress landed with a thump and Kevin fell on top of it with a groan. "If you took the one with furniture…"

"I wouldn't get to watch you flex those muscles you work so dang hard on," she finished coming in behind him with a box. "And I kind of like watching those rippling muscles." She put the box down and knelt on the mattress next to him, leaning over to run her tongue over his collarbone. "Know what's so cool about this?" she asked, leaning over him with a grin. "All those times on stage when I wanted to lean over and lick the sweat off you…I can do that now," she giggled.

Kevin closed his eyes briefly and exhaled again. "Jan…" he groaned.

"Whoops," she kissed him quickly, "did I wake Mr. Richardson?"

He pulled her down and kissed her with a laugh. "We are going to get you moved in today, darlin'. I can't do it any other day this week, and if you continue to lick the sweat off me, it's going to be really hard…"

"I think it already is," she teased, rubbing noses with him as her palm rested over his growing erection.

"That's it!" he said, grabbing the hem of her tee shirt and tugging it over her head as she howled in laughter, grasping the worn buttons of his jeans and pulling them free. "Where the heck did you pack the condoms?" he asked, lifting the top of one of the many boxes and rummaging through it.

She reached over to her jeans and pulled one out of her pocket. "Way ahead of you, baby." She unwrapped it, knelt over him, and leaned down to slide her tongue over his length. "I told you, I like watching those rippling muscles. I came prepared."

"You…" he moaned with pleasure as she slid him inside.

"It was time for a break…right?" she asked, leaning upright and arching her back as he moved against her clit. "Needed to christen the place, didn't we?"

"Each room?" he teased playfully, reaching up to caress her breast as she nodded in agreement. "Next place we move in to…is going to be a mansion! Twenty rooms!"

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Absolute Beginners - Disclaimer | Email Coriander

Read the companion story: Birds in Your Garden
by Coridander

Oreos for Breakfast (Nick Fanfic)
by The Pumpkin Coach & Paperbag Princess

c. 2002 by Coriander
Some content not suitable for children. You have been warned.