Four in the morning is normally Kevin's favorite time of day. As he walked up the sidewalk to the house, he considered that everything seemed to slow down, and a cool calmness settled in the air. No matter how tired he was, being awake at this time of day always soothed him, reminded him of late nights in Kentucky, and going home to the peacefulness waiting there for him. Comfort, home, safety…

As he made his way upstairs to his bedroom, his mind realized there was safety here too, and she was lying on her side asleep, nurturing their child with each breath. He didn't bother to wake her, undressed, and climbed into the bed, wrapping his arms around her. Somehow, her breathing seemed to nurture more than just the baby. He was home now. The warmth of her skin had permeated his with comfort, and with that comfort, he could feel the tightness of his emotions slipping out of his grasp. Too tired to try and hang on to them anymore, all he wanted to do was hold her and let himself sink into the sadness. Perhaps if he were anchored to her, he wouldn't drown in it completely.

"It's okay, baby," Jana whispered, reaching her hand back to stroke his cheek. "It's all going to be okay."

How does she know? How does she know when to reach out to me? He nestled closer, burying his face in her hair, and inhaled sharply. Don't lose it…don't…chill out, Kev…it's over now…you're home…you're home…

She turned in his arms, stretching hers around his waist, and brought his head down against her chest. As her fingertips played with the short strands of hair at the back of his neck, he felt closer to that emotional edge, his mind splintering in different directions, making no sense of anything anymore.

Nick was leaving…you missed the sonogram…you're too tired, man…chill out…When did the group fall apart? How? How did he get here? Didn't we survive AJ? If we survived AJ, why can't we survive this? Why did it mean so much to be there instead of here? What were you thinking? Look what you've missed! Missed, Kev! You missed it…dropped the ball. Out of your control…Nick is out of your control. Never was in your control. Neither was AJ…

"Shh, baby," Jana said tenderly, still stroking his hair. He could feel her press her lips against the top of his head with a gentle kiss.

Are you crying, Kev? Did you make that noise out loud? For Christ's sake! Don't cry, Kev! What the hell are you crying about? He'd just wanted to close his eyes, cling to his wife and forget this day ever happened.

"You're home now, baby," Jana continued softly. "You're home now. It's okay."

He wasn't sure how long he held her but slowly he could feel the calmness settle in around them. Once he was able to take a deep breath, he rolled onto his back and drew Jana close to rest her head against his chest, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand. "It's been a long day," he said quietly as his fingertips played with the ends of her hair.

"It's been a long, crappy day for you," she said, running her hand over his belly gently.

"Yeah."

"I might be able to make it better," she said, lifting her head to look at him. She turned away from him briefly and came back. In another moment, the TV was blinding him, but then, there was a large black and white image moving before his eyes. Instinctively he sat up, staring, and Jana pressed herself against him, resting her head on his arm. "That's our baby, Kev. Moving and growing right before our eyes."

She paused the image and went to the screen. "This here is the head," she explained, tracing the image. "See? It's sucking its thumb already." She turned and smiled at him broadly before she pressed play again. "Still sucking its thumb, and…here's its other arm… And look, the legs. One…two…three…" She turned, bugging her eyes out and covering her mouth with her fingertips. "Three? Oops! That can't be a third leg! He must take after his daddy, don't you think?" She paused the image and crawled across the bed, resting her cheek against his shoulder and looked over to the screen. "Kevin Scott…meet Kevin William."

"It's a boy?" he whispered in amazement, blinking at the screen as he felt the tears slip down his cheeks slowly.

She took his hand and rested it on her belly, smiling up to him. "It's a boy," she whispered, biting her lower lip in a grin. He looked down to his hand on her belly and back up into her face. Again, there were no words to explain the beating of his heart, or the catch of his breath. There were no words to describe the emotions, the amazement, the wonder, excitement… "Oh, look at that face!" She had reached up, touching his bruised cheek. "Oh, Kev…"

He tilted his head away from her only to move closer and envelop her in his arms tightly, burying his head into the crook of her neck. "I don't even…" he mumbled against her, changing his arm position and holding her closer. "I don't know what to say."

"Say nothing," she answered, smoothing her fingers through his hair and resting her cheek on his head. "This says plenty."

~

He didn't want to open his eyes, but he couldn't ignore the phone ringing or Jana's voice when she answered. "Hi…he's still sleeping. I don't know if I should really wake him up…Okay…okay…hang on…"

He could feel the mattress sink slightly, and soon, she rubbed her hand over his bare shoulder, calling his name gently. "Kev? It's Nick. He said he really needs to talk to you…"

"Nick?" he mumbled, turning onto his side and crinkling his forehead.

"He told me to wake you up," she'd said with a shrug. "That it was important."

"Mmm, yeah, okay." He sighed tiredly and pulled himself up to rest his head against the headboard as Jana handed him the phone. "Nick - what?"

Jana started to stand, but Kevin reached out and took hold of her hand, squeezing it gently, and looked at her. He'd fallen asleep clinging so tightly to her that he was sure she'd barely slept at all. He'd been emotional when he came home, but seeing the sonogram had seemed to send him over an emotional ledge. Now, with just barely five hours of sleep, there was someone else demanding his attention. Nick, however, sounded worse on the phone than Kevin had last night - shaky and unsure, possibly scared?

"No, Nick, that's not what I meant by 'keep in touch'," he sighed, sinking further into the mattress. "I just meant it as a 'see you later' kind of thing. I'm not kicking you out. Since when does one guy have a say over who's in and who's out? Think about it…" He exhaled deeply and closed his eyes. "Nicky…if that's what you thought, then it's coming from you, but if you want me to be honest, it's not the vibe you're giving to the rest of us. You don't seem to have your head in the game….I don't know, Nick. You know better than the rest of us what you want to do. You're right, we don't know shit about anything, lately. We don't hear from you anymore…No…no, I know, Nick, but there's a point between doing your own thing and excluding everything else to do it…I'm sorry, but that's exactly what it feels like. We can force you into the studio, but look what happens when we do! We wasted three days, and I don't even want to think of the money, or what else we could have been doing with that time…Yeah, it's a boy…Yeah, it's pretty cool…"

Kevin sighed again. At least someone else spoke to him and tried to smooth things over. He hadn't been sure if he should call and explain, but apparently, one of the boys did that for him. Now Nick was asking him what he should do. Looking at Jana, Kevin wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, much less try to tell Nick.

"I don't know. I guess you need to figure out if you want in or out, and we'll go from there, but I do know I didn't mean anything by that comment. I just had a feeling you weren't going to be hangin' with us anytime soon, that's all, and wanted you to keep in touch. We miss you, man. Believe it or not, we miss you. We want to support this solo thing, don't alienate us in the process, okay? At least give us a chance to support you, alright? …Yeah, you sound pretty wiped out. Go get some sleep and we'll talk later. Love ya, man…right…bye." He lowered the phone to his lap and shook his head slowly at Jana before wiping his face tiredly with a hand. "I give up," he finally said, slumping his shoulders.

Jana took the phone and rested it on the nightstand before climbing alongside him and resting her head on his shoulder. She slipped her hand down his forearm and intertwined her fingers with his as she kissed his shoulder gently. "He's confused, huh?"

"He's not the only one," Kevin said, turning his head to kiss her forehead.

"Well, at least he called, right?"

"Yeah, I guess." He sank further down under the sheets, bringing her to lie next to him. "How do you feel this morning?"

"Fine. How 'bout you? Feeling better after getting some sleep?"

"I'm not sure yet." He wiped his eyes with his fingertips and sighed, dropping his hand to his stomach, and he looked over at her and smiled warmly. "A boy, huh?"

"A boy." She took his hand and placed it on her belly. "Right in there." He yawned loudly and turned on his side, cuddling up next to her and sighed contentedly. She turned to rest her back against his chest and curled an arm under her head. He slid his hand back to her belly, rubbing it gently. "I still don't know what to say."

"What is there to say?" she asked. "It just is, isn't it?"

"I guess…"

She closed her eyes, feeling his fingertips caress her skin gently. Deep inside, beneath his touch, their baby was growing, and his touch somehow had become more gentle in that realization over the past few weeks. She settled against him and sighed comfortably. Comfort was hard to come by these days, and she knew it was only going to get more uncomfortable as the weeks went on.

"So, what happened yesterday?" His response was a tender kiss on her shoulder and a shifting of his hand to caress the curve of her breast. He shifted again, bringing his other hand around her to slip down over the curve of her belly and then lower between her legs. Moaning slightly, and already wet, she tilted her head forward as he kissed the back of her neck. He moved again, lifting up on his elbow, and she turned to face him.

She reached her hand up to place her palm against his bruised cheek and he closed his eyes, leaned into her touch, and took a deep breath before lowering his head for a kiss. He kissed down to her neck, then between her breasts, sitting back and lifting her tee shirt up, lowering down to kiss her belly with a tenderness she'd never felt before. Shifting again, he sat between her legs and pulled her up, moving their bodies to fit together as he leaned back until he was able to gently slide inside.

Maintaining a precise, unhurried pace and keeping his gaze directly upon her face, he slid his hands along her torso to rest on her hips. She reached over to touch his cheek as he bit his bottom lip in climax with tears in his eyes. Even once he finished, he remained steady to arouse her into her own orgasm.

"Please, don't close your eyes…" he whispered as her eyes began to shut. She fluttered her eyes to look at him, clutching his shoulders in pleasure.

Soon, Kevin settled next to her again. She kept her back against his belly and intertwined their fingers together as he placed small, soft kisses on her shoulder and neck, and their breathing and bodies relaxed. He'd never been so intense, or so gentle. He'd never shown so much tenderness in a touch, and she'd never seen so much love deep within his eyes. Whatever it had been that he couldn't say, he'd managed to show her with agile movements.

"What happened yesterday, Kev?" she asked quietly, squeezing his hand slightly.

He'd kissed her shoulder a few more times and pulled back from her to lie on his back. "Nothing, really. It's cool now."

"Is that why Nick had me wake you up? To smooth things over?"

"Not really," he said, resting his arms beneath his hands. "Things just got…out of hand yesterday. We chilled, it's cool."

She'd turned to face him, resting her head into her palm. "Then why are you looking so intense and melancholy?"

"Things are changing," he answered, his eyes locking on hers. "And I can't help but worry about what he's doing. He's got all these people not telling him 'no' out there…and he needs to be told 'no' on occasion."

She placed her hand on his chest and started running her fingertips across it slowly. "No to what?"

"Pretty much everything he's doing outside of singing, I think." He rested a hand over hers and lifted it to kiss her knuckles. "I don't know…he's not telling us what's going on. I just don't like what I'm seeing, and don't ask me what I'm seeing. I don't know what that is either. I just…don't like it."

"You're being a momma duck again, you know that?" she asked with a teasing grin.

"Ducklings don't throw left hooks at their mommas."

"No. They just make their mommas ruffle their feathers. They don't have fists to fight back." He blinked at her with a stiff expression before cracking into a smile. God, he'd missed her. Just two days, and he missed being near her, talking to her. She made sense of his life and somehow figured out some way to tease him about it. "He knows something is up. He didn't sound good on the phone."

"He's better. Thought I was kicking him out."

Jana sat up in surprise and looked down to him. "Why would he think that?"

"He misunderstood something I said. It's straightened out. He just needs to get his ass in gear. Maybe spending a night thinking he was getting kicked out might make him shape up."

"Punk-ass."

"What?" he asked.

"You usually call him a punk-ass right about now."

"Yeah," he snickered, "I usually do." And she knew him well. She knew his habits, and his the way his mind worked. As she lay back down next to him, she propped her head back up on her palm, and looked at him. He turned to look back at her, smiling at her expression. "What?"

"I am so gonna be the more chilled out parent," she teased, tapping his nose playfully. "You're gonna be all nervous and panicky, and I'm gonna be like 'oh, yeah, he fell on his head again',' aren't I?"

He'd laughed and shook his head against the pillow. "Probably, yeah."

He couldn't figure anything out. For months he'd avoided intercourse no matter how aroused he was. She'd virtually begged him to have sex after satisfying each other in various other ways. She'd caught him pleasing himself, but without any words, or any provocation, they'd just had some of the best sex he'd ever had, and he went from silent and sad, to relaxed and laughing with her. Now all he had to do was not panic about having inflicted damage to the baby.

"Now what's that look about?" she asked, dipping her chin slightly as his expression changed. "Ya got all serious on me."

"I'm never going to miss another appointment with you," he said.

"Kevin…honestly…that's not necessary."

"It doesn't have to be necessary," he told her with a shake of his head. "I'm just not going to." He looked down into her eyes and leaned in for another kiss.

~

"Can you talk?" Jana asked. "I need answers."

"Yeah, Nick's out cold," Rachel answered before sighing. "Finally."

"What the heck happened?" Jana asked. "Why does Kevin have a nasty black eye, and how bad is Nick? Is he okay? Nice turn signal, asshole!"

"What?" Rachel laughed.

"I'm driving. Freakin' LA drivers don't know how to merge. So? Is Nick okay?"

"Yeah, he's okay. A bit freaked, but he's okay. He showed up on my door and had a total breakdown."

"Oh," Jana cooed, "poor thing!"

Rachel sighed. "He was a mess. I made him call Kevin. Apparently he'd worked himself into a panic attack between the city and the Point. Thought for sure Kevin was kicking him out."

"Like that would ever happen!"

"It really didn't go well in the studio, Jana," Rachel said. "They spent days fighting, according to Nick. No thanks to Nick hanging out with Vinnie, I'm sure."

"Vinnie?"

"His best friend," she answered dryly. "Not his best influence."

"Great, one of those."

"Yeah, one of those."

"Boys just don't get it sometimes, do they?" Jana asked.

"No, they don't. But hopefully he'll clue in a bit more now. Apparently Kevin knows all about Vinnie."

"Well, Kevin's not saying much. Matter of fact, he came home and just cried on my shoulder. This morning, when I asked him what happened, we ended up having probably the best sex of my life. He doesn't come near me for months, and after this weekend he came home and was so intense."

"Yeah, Nick was pretty clingy and intense himself."

"But that's it. Kevin said it's all good now, and I still don't believe him."

"I don't know if it is, but Nick's a little better. At least my Bunny's sleeping now."

"Bunny," Jana teased. "You're sickening sometimes, you know that?"

"I know. I'm a sucker for patheticness. And he was pathetic, and overwrought."

"So was Kevin. But I still don't know what happened and why they have black eyes."

"Well, next time Kevin decides to take a swing at Nick, tell him to leave the face alone, especially the mouth. Not only did he cut Nick's lip, but he fucked with my sex life! I think we need to sit them down and make them read the Boyband Rule Book. I'm pretty sure it's written somewhere that they are, under no circumstances, allowed to touch the face or hair."

"That's assuming they've had time to sit down and read the dang thing," Jana giggled.

"Read it? Fuck, they wrote the damn thing, didn't they?" Rachel laughed.

"No, that was NKOTB, wasn't it?"

"I sure as hell hope not! It doesn't have the best ending, does it?"

"They'll re-write it, if I know Kevin," Jana answered. "Look, I'm just about there."

"Where? Work?"

"No…Yeah," Jana said quickly. "Look, should I be concerned about this? Like, were they really fighting over anything?"

"Yes and no," Rachel said. "AJ called Nick to explain why Kevin was in such a bad mood - missing your sonogram and all. Nick doesn't seem to know what's going on…I guess. But, for the most part, I think they're okay now. You know, they're boys. They throw punches, and five minutes later, they act as if nothing ever happened."

"Well, that's not the way they're acting. That's what they want us to believe, I think, but they're not acting like it."

"Once they chill out, I think they'll work it out," Rachel said. "I think Kevin was a lot more upset about not being with you than he wants to admit."

"Oh, he admitted that. I'm never going to go anywhere without him again, I think," Jana groaned. "Not only is he going to make sure every step I take is safe, but now he's going to breathe my air to make sure it's pure."

"Well, you are carrying his baby," Rachel giggled. "He's got to preserve his heir."

"He's not going to live to see it if I kill him before it's born," Jana teased. "He just might make me kill him if he gets any worse than he already is."

"Aw, gee, you mean Kev's uptight about something? Go figure!"

"Imagine that, eh? Maybe if I could get him to have sex more than once every four months, he might chill out!"

"Yeah, right…you poor thing," Rachel giggled. "What's his damage?"

"If I knew, I'd fix it. Trust me. I have all these extra hormones, we're married, he's sex on a stick, and I can't get laid! It's a cruel joke, I tell you!" she laughed.

"Wait, you're serious?" Rachel gasped. "Four months, Jan? What about your wedding…"

"I'm here, Rache. Gotta go."

"You're not at work, are you?"

"I have to go, Rache. I'm late already."

"Jana?" she said cautiously. "Is everything okay with you?"

"Call me if you find anything more out? And give Nicky a hug from me."

~

Kevin finished stirring the sugar in his coffee and sat back in the kitchen chair with a sigh full of dread. His thumb hit Nick's speed dial number, and he could feel his heart beat with each tone of the numbers as it autodialed. This wasn't going to be fun. This conversation was going to have to be the honest truth neither of them really wanted to discuss, and somehow, Kevin was the one having to make it.

"Hey," Nick said knowingly.

"Hey, sleep any?" Kevin asked, realizing by the way Nick answered he had seen Kevin's number on the caller ID. "Feeling better? Cuz I think we need to talk." There was a moment of silence, and he could hear Nick's breathing. "I mean, talk, too. No accusations, or arguments, okay? Just talk to me, Nicky."

"'Bout what?"

No accusations or arguments, right? "What's happening with you?" Why the hell are you screwing up? What the hell do you want to do? Why the fuck are you avoiding us?

"Nothing, Kevin."

"Nicky…don't bullshit me, okay? We all know better. What was that yesterday?" He heard a sigh in return, a quiet sigh, which usually meant something big. He sipped his coffee again, in an attempt to get some moisture in his mouth and pausing to give Nick a chance to collect his thoughts, but there was still silence in return. "Nicky?"

"I just…I really think I need to focus on something else for awhile, that's all."

"Because you want to, or because your management team said you should?" Did that sound bitter? No matter how many times he tried to resolve the situation, he always ended up sounding bitter about The Firm choosing Nick over Backstreet. The rest of them were allowed to walk away, but the bastards made sure to keep their hands firmly around Nick's throat. And Nick didn't seem to be strangling himself to break free.

"It's not like that, Kevin! Dang it!" Whining was not going to win Kevin over. Whining just sounded like Nick was covering up more lies instead of facing the reality of him wanting to stay. Kevin couldn't even really blame him for staying. Why the hell should he leave with all the promises they were making to him? "Look, I mean…" Another sigh, frustrated this time. "What the hell else has anyone really allowed me to do? I mean, this whole last tour…unless Rachel or Vinnie was with me, I had an entire empty bus to myself while the rest of y'all had your wives, or girlfriends, with you. Brian's got his head up his butt with LeighAnne being pregnant."

"Watch it, Nick," Kevin started with a warning tone.

"You don't have your head up your butt, Kevin. You're just…focused on getting things in order with Jana, and moving, and the baby, an' there's the foundation stuff."

Don't remind me of what you're NOT doing for the foundation, Nicky. "You've got a hand in that too, you know. There's a lot you could be doing there."

"Kev…" More whining. "Look, I'm just trying to say that, well, there's other things that I want to do right now. I hung out for a while waiting for y'all to go back into the studio, but it kept getting pushed back, and pushed back, and I needed something to do. Everyone kept telling me to stop getting into trouble, and that's what I'm doing. I'm not getting into trouble anymore, but I am focused on this solo thing right now."

"So, what does that mean for the fellas? Is it done, Nick? Are you done?"

"No! I'm just…" He could hear a muffled frustrated scream in Nick's throat. "I didn't…are you done because you'd rather do something with the foundation? Is Howie done because he's working with his? Is Brian done because he's busy eating for two? Is AJ done because he's planning a wedding? Why can't I have something to do and not get questioned about my priorities? Why do I have to keep explaining myself when the rest of y'all can just go off and do whatever it is you want?"

"Because the rest of us are still talking to each other," Kevin answered snidely. "The rest of us return each others' messages. The rest of us are still keeping in touch. The rest of us are still doing something to keep this all moving forward in some capacity, at some point, in spite of the label reps and management hassles not really doing a damn thing to make it happen. It may not be in the forefront of what we're doing, but it's still a priority."

"Stop doubting my loyalty, Kevin!" Nick protested.

"Do something to make us stop questioning it, Nick! We're not alienating you! You're doing that by yourself! What are we doing to make you feel like you're not part of us? Are we drawing lines with management? With the label? Are we letting ourselves get so dang booked we can't do anything else? Are we not returning your calls? Are we starting fights over stupid nonsense? What, Nick? What the hell are we doing wrong?"

"Nothing! Geez, Kev…it's nothing anyone else can do right now! I just have other things on my mind right now, that's all."

"Like what?"

"Like none of your business! It's not Backstreet!"

"Obviously it's not Backstreet! Nick, what?" He paused, attempting to calm the tone of his voice. "Nicky, come on, man, talk to me. Backstreet aside, something's going on."

"Kev…" Nick's voice softened before another hesitation. "Look, y'all have taken some time to do personal stuff before. I just need personal time for me right now. Why is that so wrong?"

Nothing. Kevin was getting nothing, and he could feel his heart race with the frustration, but more than frustration, it was fear. He was losing Nicky now, just like he was losing AJ. No way to drag answers out of them. No way to figure out what the problems were. "It's not wrong, Nicky. It's just not like you, that's all. You've not been acting like yourself. We don't know who you are anymore, other than out of control. You know, it's okay for you to be twenty-two. And it's just normal for you to want to do the stuff normal twenty-two year olds do, but…"

"But what?"

"But you can't have it both ways, Nicky. You can't be a normal twenty-two year old, and keep doing the things you're doing at the same time."

"What kind of things am I doing, Kevin?" Nick was getting defensive. He could hear it in the tone of his voice, but beneath that, he could sense some kind of panic.

Nick did not want to hear this. Before he said the words, he knew Nick did not want to hear this. "Rachel is great. We all like her, but maybe, right now, it's just to much for the two of you to handle. Between her career taking off like it has, and your focus on being with her, and the solo stuff, and management, and hanging with your friends, clubbing… Maybe you're just burning yourself out trying to cover all the bases, Nicky, that's all."

"Look at all the crap we've been through before, and we all survived it. I can do it. I need to do it, Kevin."

'Fine. Do it, then,' he'd wanted to snap, but he said no arguments or accusations, but he was out of suggestions and it was obvious Nick didn't want his help, or his advice. He didn't even want this phone call. "Well, then, I guess we'll just let you do it. Call me when it's out of your system." He didn't wait for an answer or another whiny excuse, just hung up. He didn't wait, mainly because he could feel his throat tighten with emotions.

~

"I thought you said everything was fine," Jana asked doctor Carol in her office.

Doctor Carol smiled and sat behind her desk. "Everything is fine…but we also discussed you taking it easy."

"We did. I am." Doctor Carol looked at her doubtfully. "What? I am."

"Jana, I don't know how to stress this anymore than I already have, but you really need to slow down."

Jana nodded solemnly and turned her eyes down. "Okay. I will."

"Really, Jana…"

"I will."

"Is Kevin aware…"

"I'll take it easy." Jana interrupted with a nod. "Other than that, is there anything more? Is sex okay?"

"Sex is fine for as long as you're comfortable. You don't have to stop all physical activity, Jana. You just need to do less of it, and get more rest."

~

"Look who showed up!" Tony giggled, pushing himself up from the wall.

"Not today, Tony," Jana scolded, heading towards the office. "I want all of you warmed up and ready to start in five minutes."

"Geez, kid kicking you in the wrong place today?"

"Tony!" she yelled, stopping and turning to him. "Five minutes."

~

Jana could hear the football game on TV as soon as she walked in. Going over to the door, Kevin was still in his boxers and tee shirt, wearing his Kentucky cap. He glanced over in surprise and sat up, turning the sound down. "How're you feeling today? Better?"

"What're you doing home?"

"Tired," she said quickly with a shrug, turning to the TV and avoided looking at him, afraid of what he might see if he looked too close. "Who's winning?" Just looking at him made her feel guilty. The way his eyes seemed to peer into her heart. "Figured you'd be at the gym by now, or at the office."

Wishing, more like it.

It wasn't a complete lie. She was tired after the little sleep she'd gotten last night, but after seeing the doctor she felt more drained with confusion and worry. What if she had done damage? What if she couldn't carry full term? What if she couldn't have children at all? It was the oldest dream she had, the closest she'd ever been to it, and it wasn't even close to the romanticized version she'd carried around in her head all those years.

She knew he was already nervous, pulling away from her changing body, and she couldn't bring herself to add more reasons to him withdrawing further. Glancing back to him, he was staring back to the TV, but not really. More like staring at the red 'on' light. She couldn't figure out what it was that compelled her to want to touch him constantly, to feel him next to her, have him just hold her, the gentle strength around her waist. She loved to run her fingers down the defined contours of his spine and feel the strength of his arms wrap around her. Always had. He'd always made her feel protected from the outside world. If only he could protect their baby from her inside world.

"Anything wrong?" she asked, reaching over to graze his shoulder with her fingertips. After talking to Nick earlier she figured he'd be in a better mood.

Kevin lifted a shoulder and refitted his cap. "Guess it's been a little overwhelming these last few days. Just catching up with me, maybe."

'You want overwhelming? Talk to Dr. Carol,' she wanted to say. "I thought you'd be in a better mood after talking to Nick."

"We just had another talk," he said quietly, slouching further down into the cushions. "I don't know what's going on anymore."

"What kind of talk? Bad?"

He glanced over to her. "I don't know, Jana. I don't know what's going on in his mind anymore…if anything."

She touched his shoulder again, letting her hand lead her closer to wrap her arms around him loosely. "Can we play hooky, yet?"

Snorting in a sarcastic laugh, he turned to kiss her cheek. "Permanently?"

"I'm game."

"If only it were that easy." He placed his hands over hers, sat up and moved away. "I am heading over to the gym, actually. Then hitting JWR for a bit."

Pulling away. So close one minute, and pulling away the next. Why couldn't she figure him out? "Have fun." She sat on the back of the couch, reaching for the remote to turn the game off. She expected adjustments. She expected it to take time to get used to all the changes they'd have to go through, and never really expected it to be easy, but she missed the way he used to hold her.

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Absolute Beginners - Disclaimer | Email Coriander

Read the companion story: Birds in Your Garden
by Coridander

Oreos for Breakfast (Nick Fanfic)
by The Pumpkin Coach & Paperbag Princess

Goin' On For Years (Kevin & AJ)
by Coriander

c. 2002 by Coriander
Some content not suitable for children. You have been warned.