Kevin sat back on the cushions in his bus, slouching down with a sigh and turned the TV on, hoping there would be something that could take his mind off of everything. He had spent the last hour trying to sign everything offered to him and was the last one to make it to his bus. There had been a little brunette girl, no more than eight. Her eyes were so very green and wide and she couldn't speak when he crouched down to talk to her. When her mother went to take a picture, the poor thing was trembling. He tried so hard to calm her, at least get a smile out of her, but it was all just too overwhelming.

He figured he felt the same way, and if he were eight years old right now, mute and frozen. Kristin had left a voicemail that her flight was delayed due to the weather in Texas, and if they didn't board soon, she was going to cancel. He didn't even feel guilty when he looked out the window at the streaming rain, hoping it would keep her grounded. He didn't want to talk to Kristin. He couldn't think of anything to talk to her about that didn't involve his temper.

He'd tried to get over it and be the kind of husband she wanted, but with the way their life together started, how could she ever be the wife he wanted? He tried to give her credit for coming to him and telling him the truth once they were married. She didn't try to pretend it was a miscarriage or something to keep up the lie, but it didn't seem to help ease his anger. There was no way around a lie, was there? He wanted to think that at some point, he probably would have ended up being married to her regardless. But the lie overshadowed that thought as well. He'd done the responsible thing and married her. Why couldn't he have done the responsible thing and just made up his mind before it reached that point? If he couldn't stay faithful to her, if he could screw around on her, take advantage of her…why should he marry her? Didn't his actions prove he had no respect for her? Didn't she understand that?

Jana seemed to understand that better than he did. He figured part of her outrage with him was that he hadn't treated her with any kind of respect…then or now. Then he was just too afraid to be responsible for his emotions and actions, and now? He was torn between doing the right thing with the wrong person for the wrong reasons, or hurting Kristin all over again because he couldn't make the right decision back then. Either way, it came back to him hurting someone, didn't it? And if he did figure out how to free himself from Kristin, would Jana ever consider making him something permanent in her life?

~

He could feel his nerves slowly starting to settle. There had been a call over the radio about a half hour ago that one of the trucks had overturned. Luckily it had been verified that no one was hurt, but it had been a bit shaky for a few minutes wondering and listening to the flashflood warnings. It didn't seem as if there could be this much rain in one state, and it still continued to come down.

Even still, there were a handful of fans under the overhang of the hotel entrance, waiting for them to arrive. They looked cold and wet, but as soon as they saw him their faces brightened in excitement. "Sleep is over rated, huh?" Kevin teased as one of them asked him to sign a poster. "How long have you been waiting outside?"

"Three hours," she chirped, her eyes gleaming.

He looked up to her with a surprised smile, widening his eyes to her. "Darlin', we were barely out of Houston."

"I couldn't risk missing y'all," she said in an excited Texan drawl.

"Well, thank you. We really appreciate you coming out, especially in this." He handed the pen back to her trembling hand.

"Can I get a hug?" she asked nervously.

"Absolutely!" He leaned over, wrapping an arm around her and held her tightly for a moment. "Promise me you'll get something dry on once the rest come through here, okay?"

"Sure, Kevin," she cooed in a giggle. "Thank you so much!"

"Thank you," he said sincerely with a nod and went on to the next fan that approached.

He saw Carlos standing in the lobby when he finally made his way inside and headed in his direction. "Did the dancers arrive yet?" he asked.

"Yeah, about half hour before we did," Carlos answered, walking with him towards the elevators. "I think they're up on sixteen." Kevin nodded as they passed the reception desk and passed a tired smile to the receptionist. "You want to check on the dancers?" Carlos asked.

"Nah," Kevin said after a moment's hesitation. "It's late."    

"Should I expect Kristin?"

"Maybe." He shrugged. "Who knows? Haven't been able to get a signal on the cell with the storm."

"Technology, eh?"

"Yeah," Kevin scoffed easily. He leaned a shoulder against the wall and closed his eyes, feeling slight vertigo between the lift of the elevator and exhaustion. Two more dates and there'd be a break. Carlos tapped his shoulder as the doors opened and they stepped out. "G'night, man," Kevin said coming up to his door.

He slid the keycard through the slot and pushed the door open. The night maid had been in, leaving fresh towels and turning on lights for him. The room was plush, a dusty rose color theme in the patterns and carpeting. The TV was on to the reception channel, fresh flowers were on the center coffee table, along with a fruit basket. He headed to the bedroom, dropping his suitcase just inside the door and started stripping as he walked towards the shower. Even if he did rinse off in the shower on the bus, he just wanted to stand under the hot water for a long time and let his thoughts settle as well as get accustomed to solid, non-moving ground. He also wanted to try to convince himself that he wasn't lonely, although that was going to be difficult tonight. He kept looking around at all this space, thinking how much of a waste it was just for one person, for a few hours.

He could hear the others coming through the hallway, their voices rising with laughter briefly before they each disappeared into their rooms. Tonight would be a quiet one if they settled down this quickly. Maybe Howie would be up for a bit once he finished. Sleep would be better, but he was beyond it right now. He knew lying down would only make his thoughts spin through his brain like wind in the trees.

Even after his skin was thoroughly soaked and pruning,, he wasn't able to sit still. Howie never answered his door when he knocked and he figured the rest of them would be out probably too. Hotels at four in the morning really were not exciting. Hotels themselves seemed to have lost their grandeur, period. Curiosity grabbed hold, a little desperation too, and he headed to the elevators. Once inside, he pushed the button for the sixteenth floor - just to see if it was quiet, or if someone was awake. As the doors slid open, however, no one was in the hallway and all was quiet. He didn't even bother to get out and just pressed the button for the lobby. Maybe he could find where the piano was stashed.

It had to be late - or early - because not even the fans bothered him, although the security guards had probably already threatened them several times if they did. He merely smiled politely to a few of them as he walked past the lobby windows and asked reception if there was a piano anywhere. The receptionist walked him down the hallway and around the corner to the bar, opening the door with the key to give him access. There were soft lights on, but the entire place was empty. He thanked her and headed over to the baby grand in the corner as she left the room.

Sitting at the bench, he didn't even have a song in his head to play. His fingers just lightly touched a few keys, played one or two chords, waiting for something to come to him, but all he managed to do was stare at the keys. "That's talent," Jana said, standing just inside the doorway.

"What're you doing up?" he asked, shocked to even see her and wondering if maybe he was beyond tired and heading straight to hallucinations. That's all he needed, people whispering about how Kevin was talking to no one in the middle of the night.

"Same thing you are, I suppose," she said, moving slowly across the room.

She wasn't helping his confusion…moving like a dream? He had to crack a smile. "Okay, you're going to think I've lost it, but tell me I'm awake, okay?"

"I guess you are," she answered, still keeping a good distance between them. "Don't know if you're a sleep walker. Are you?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Talker?"

He lifted his shoulders. "Again, don't know."

"Then I'll have to guess that you're awake."

"Can't sleep?" he asked, turning towards her as she lingered near the stools by the bar, sliding her fingertips along the polished wood.

"Not really. You?"

"Over tired," he answered. "My mind's running a mile a minute." He wanted to ask if she'd come down looking for him, but logic asked him how she would know where he would be. He didn't even know he'd be here. "How'd you find me?"

"Didn't plan to," she answered. He wasn't sure if she was actually looking at him, or past him. Her hair was down, casting a shadow over her face. "Just saw the door was open and heard some notes. I'll leave you alone." She started to turn but he jumped in with a quick 'no'.

"I mean, you don't have to go," he added. "Could kind of use some company."

"Where's the Mrs.?" she asked. He could hear her attempt at keeping the sarcasm from her voice.

"Not here yet," he answered. "Stuck in the weather."

"Sorry," she said, but this time she did sound sincere. All he did was lift a shoulder and turn back towards the keys. "Look, Kevin," she paused and took a few steps closer to him, "about the other night…"

He lifted a hand up and shook his head. "Don't worry about it."

"Well, I didn't mean to cause a scene," she said, dragging her fingers over the brass railing between the bar area and the piano section, "but I did mean what I said. I just can't be…" He looked over towards the door instinctively and she could feel the frustration settle back around her shoulder. "Whatever. You know what I'm trying to say."

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" he asked.

"I don't think that's a good idea." She shook her head. "I'm not in the right frame of mind to be coherent and responsible. Neither are you, probably if you're wandering around too."

"I just want to explain…"

"Nothing to explain, Kevin," she said simply. "I just wanted to let you know…that," she hinted, knowing he was concerned about people listening. "You should try to get some sleep," she advised before leaving.

He sat and watched the door for a moment, then lowered his head to look at the keys. "Fuck it," he muttered to himself, following her. Who cares what they would think if people saw them heading upstairs together, right? He wasn't going to sleep until he got the chance to talk to her.

She was making her way across the lobby when he caught up to her and started keeping pace with her. She just looked at him, her eyes wide before she lowered her head to watch the floor. He didn't bother speaking until they stepped into the elevator. "I really need to talk to you, Jana." She pressed the button for her floor and glanced to him, shaking her head no. "Come upstairs. We'll sit. We'll talk and we'll clear everything up so it doesn't have to be like this between us. I promise," he stepped back and clasped his hands behind his back, "I will keep my distance." She watched him, seeing only a gentle pleading in his expression. The doors opened to her floor, and she looked down the hallway and bit her lips together but didn't get out. He quietly thanked her as he stuck the key in for access to his floor.

~

He led her into the room and she followed slowly, maintaining her distance from him and glancing around the room quickly. He motioned for her to take a seat on one of the love seats and waited for her to sit, offering her something to drink. She shook her head, staying on the edge of the cushion. "You realize we are both way too tired to make this be very productive, don't you?" she questioned.

"Don't be so defeatist," he chastised lightly, trying to grin to her. "You realize neither of us will really sleep until…"

"Kev?" They both turned towards the voice coming from the bedroom, and his eyes widened. Jana turned to look at Kevin, shaking her head and stiffening her jaw, standing up with as much ease as possible as a pretty blonde came into the room. She looked over to Jana and glanced to Kevin before turning back to her. "Hi," she said. "I'm Kristin, Kristin Richardson." She extended her hand, staring Jana down with a smile.

"Jana Williams," Jana replied, praying she didn't look as guilty as all of this felt and shook her hand. "I've heard so much about you from Kevin."

"Have you been talking about me again, Sweetie?" She went over to Kevin and wrapped her arms around his neck possessively, turning his chin towards her to kiss him. "Where have you been?"

"In the bar," he answered, putting his arm around Kristin's waist, trying to be casual. "The two of us seem to have a problem sleeping tonight. I found Jana out wandering too."

"Oh, I can't wait to get to bed," she said, leaning up to kiss him again with a giggle - an obvious hint.

"I won't keep you," Jana said politely, forcing another smile. "Kristin, it was a pleasure meeting you. I hope I'll get to see you again. See you tomorrow, Kevin." She did her best not to sprint out of the room and stopped to close the door quietly in an effort to make the whole thing seem as innocent and friendly as possible. Kristin would never believe it, she knew. Not by the way she clung to him when she saw Jana.

She made her way back to the room, sneaking in and found her bed in the dark. Shannon was sleeping peacefully, but Jana knew there would be no way she'd be able to fall asleep now. She hadn't wanted to meet Kristin. She'd wanted to figure out a way to avoid her at all costs, but even that wasn't possible. Face to face with her, guilty immediately just by the looks on their faces and they hadn't even been sitting on the same couch, but Kristin knew. And she was fucking beautiful too, she thought angrily. Well, yeah! Someone like Kevin could get the drop dead stunning females out there without even having to try. Hello!

She pulled her pillow over her head, wishing she could scream. She knew it had been a mistake to go up there. She knew she should have just come back to her room and laid in the dark and do just what she was doing now. Why couldn't she just hate him? Why couldn't he just look at her without being so thoughtful and tender? Why did he have to have the body of a Greek sculpture and move like liquid? The eyes of royal emeralds? Why did she lay here and have to torture herself about everything that happened? It was too long ago to care this much! He can't even be remotely like that kid she'd known. Hell, she wasn't even remotely like the kid he'd known!

She had given thought to this whole scenario before accepting the position. She sat down with her roommate and gone over the whole story. Her roommate had quizzed her for hours, played devils advocate, completely relentless…and she hadn't felt like this about him. She honestly thought about it, over and over, and hadn't felt like this. So what the hell happened?

He walked into the room. That's what happened. All he did was walk in the room and she had a feeling, even if there was no history between them, she'd be this miserable over him. Miserable…she may as well admit it, she was head over heels in love with him. Knew nothing of his current life outside of the madness she'd seen since being on the road with him, but none of that seemed to matter. Somehow she was mid-stream in that flash flood named Kevin.       

~

Kristin stepped in front of Kevin, placing both hands on either side of his face and sliding her fingers down. "So, the fans were wrong this time," she said, staring him down. "It's not Krystal you're screwing around with, it's that one?"

"Is that why you came, Kristin?" Kevin said, stepping back from her and heading towards the bedroom.

"No, I came to see my husband," she said following him. "The one that kept asking me to come visit him on the road because he was so lonely after being away for two weeks. I don't know, Kev, I think this is a record, even for you. Usually it takes a month or two before you start getting out of your pants."

He sat in the chair next to the bed, leaning forward enough to rest his arms on his thighs and looked up to her. She was in a tee shirt and jeans with her blonde hair hanging loose to frame her pretty face, but the calm she possessed was beginning to crumble. "So you came to take possession and show 'em all who's boss, right?" he questioned, tilting his head and rubbing his eye tiredly. It was much too early to be getting into this discussion.

"Well, I don't really have to show 'em all if they were paying attention to the wedding band on your hand," she motioned and sat on the end of the bed, beginning to undress. "I was at some ceremony where you promised to love, honor and cherish till death do us part. Weren't you there?"

"Well," he said, dropping back and resting his head in his hand, "I know I was there with a woman that was supposedly with child." He opened his hands towards her. "I'm not seeing a child, now am I? Oh, that's right," he rested his head back into his hand, "she lied."

Her eyes evened to him, looking over her shoulder to where he sat. "It wasn't a complete lie, Kevin. I told you what happened."

"A little late, wasn't it?" he questioned tiredly. The room was starting to shift around him again in exhaustion and his eyes were beginning to feel like sandpaper.

"I don't see the difference it should make, pregnant or not, you promised to love, honor and cherish me before God. If I had lost the baby, would you still feel like this?" He sighed heavily and closed his eyes. "I don't think you would. I don't see the difference."

"Kris," he said, dropping his head back to the edge of the chair, "it's not that there's no baby, it's that fact that there never was one. Things would be much simpler if you could have just…"

"There could have been," she interrupted. "That's not technically a lie."

"So the next time I get the flu, I might possibly be pregnant?" he asked angrily. "That'd be a trick, huh?" She sighed and blinked at him angrily. "The whole thing was a lie, Kristin. Why can't you see that? The whole thing! Telling me in front of my family? What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"They were happy about it," she argued, shifting to look at him. "You were too. We can have children, Kevin. Just not right this second. Why do you have to be so impatient about it? If you want to have a child with me now, why can't you want one with me later?"

"Let's get this straight," he said, lifting a finger in clarification. "I want a child. I never said I wanted to have one specifically with you."

"So you're, what?" she questioned. "Trying to have one with that little thing that just left, or is any fertile female fair game you're so desperate?"

He closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. "I'm not doing this now," he announced, opening his hands and lifting his hands up, passing a bored expression to her. "Glad you made it in safe in this weather." He stood up and went over, attempting to kiss her cheek.

"Where are you going?" she asked, widening her eyes.

He pointed to the suite. "To sleep on my bus," he told her.

"Kevin, don't be so stupid," she grumbled. "There's a perfectly good bed here."

"That you'll be sleeping in. Yes." He nodded slowly.

"Kevin," she whined, standing up to go after him, taking his hand. "It's not like you're not exhausted. Come to bed. Get some sleep. What're the fans going to think if they see you going to your bus after seeing me come up?"

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I really don't care right now," he answered plainly. "Take the bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Does she have her own room?" Kristin called after him.

He stopped at the doorway and looked back to her with furrowed eyebrows. "What?"

"Did you put her up in her own room, Kevin?" she asked slowly, emphasizing each word.

"I'm going to my bus, Kristin," he emphasized wearily.

"Hmm," she tilted her head, "guess there aren't all that many perks for fucking a Backstreet after all, is there?"

"You should know," he said easily. "You fucked one over pretty good."

He knew he couldn't go down to his bus. She was right on that front, there was already enough being said about him, he didn't need to make things more obvious. He hated to do it, but he went down the hall to Carlos' room and knocked lightly. In a flash, the door was open and Carlos was alert, looking at Kevin questioningly. He apologized several times, and Carlos opened the door, letting Kevin into the room with a pat on his shoulder. "Didn't think I'd get to sleep more than a few hours straight," Carlos teased, trying to make Kevin's expression lighten a bit.

"I'm really sorry, man," Kevin said with barely enough energy to shake his head.

"Kevin, you know by now I don't care, dude," Carlos answered, patting his back as Kevin walked towards the couch. "What're you doing? Go take the bed."

"No," Kevin shook his head, "I just…"

"Take the bed," Carlos demanded. "I can't protect you from there if someone walks in," he lied. "Go."

"Carlos…"

"Stop arguing with me or I'll drag your ass down to the gym at eight in the morning and make you do some penance," he joked. "Go sleep. I hate dealing with you when you're cranky." Kevin passed him a light appreciative smile, unable to force any more of a reaction. "I know, I know," Carlos said, heading over to the couch, "I'm da man."

Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 3
Page 9 | Page 10 | Page 11 | Page 12

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Read the companion story:
Oreos for Breakfast (Nick Fanfic)
by The Pumpkin Coach & Paperbag Princess

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