Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 6
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"No, Kevin," Jana laughed, trying to break free. He had his hands on her hips, trying to pull her back from going to get on the dancers bus. "You have things to do and I'm not going to sit around waiting for you to do them until you leave. Besides…" He had grabbed the strap of her overnight bag and brought her to a full stop, pushing her back against the wall of the hallway to kiss her. "Besides…" she tried again between kisses, "I thought we were supposed…" He kissed her again, brushing her hair off her neck to kiss there next. "...to keep this quiet. This doesn't look very discreet to me."

Kevin lifted his head and looked down the deserted hallway. "I don't see anyone around." He kissed her again. "Do you see dead people?" he whispered to her with a deep laugh in her ear, before taking the lobe between his lips.

"No, I see dead careers," she replied with a chuckle and attempted to pull away. "Kevin, come on. It's five hours."

"Five hours, alone, on a bus, by myself," he clarified, dropping his chin to pout at her.

"I don't know how you'll amuse yourself," she smiled. "What with TV, stereo, Playstation, cell phone, videos, bed…"

He kissed her again. "Shut up."

"I will see you for dinner with everyone in Boston." She patted the top of his head and kissed him quickly. "Now go play nice with the other boys until it's time to leave."

"Now you're just trying to be difficult," he teased as she headed down the hallway. "I don't wanna play nice!"

"Do it anyway!" She turned and walked backwards for a few steps. "I'm gonna have Nick tell me if you were mean to him!"

"Little Punk-ass!"

"Be nice!" she ordered with a grin and wagging her finger.

"He doesn't need an older sister, you know!"

"Obviously he does to keep the older brothers from picking on him!" She glanced over Kevin's shoulder, watching Nick come around the corner. "Bye, Nick! See you in Boston."

"Later, sis!" Nick called, coming up behind Kevin and putting an arm around his shoulder. He turned and smiled broadly to Kevin.

"You put her up to that, didn't you?" Kevin asked, turning his head to look at Nick and cocking it to the side.

"Nah, dawg," he shrugged, "she just thinks I'm cute, thassal!"

"I'll give you cute, you little punk-ass!" Kevin laughed, play punching Nick in the gut. They wrestled for a few minutes as they headed back down the hallway to their rooms.

"So," Nick said, following Kevin into his suite. Kevin seemed to be in one of his better moods. "Jana's cool."

"Yeah, she's cool," Kevin agreed, walking over to the closet to finish packing.

"She like that in high school?" Nick flopped himself down on the couch and stretched his arm along the top and a leg along the length of the cushion. Kevin looked over his shoulder at him curiously, but only saw Nick grinning back at him. "What? I'm just askin'. You're the one that knew her, not me. She seems cool."

"Yeah, she was pretty much the same," Kevin answered. "Easy to get along with."

"She don't put up with no bullshit, does she?" Nick said, watching Kevin tilt his head.

"No, she doesn't."

"You look happy with her." Kevin turned completely around to look at Nick now. "What? You do."

"Meaning?" Kevin coaxed, waving his fingers towards himself.

"Nothin'," Nick shrugged, "you just seem happier when she's around, or has been around."

"Meaning?" asked again.

"Nothin'." Nick lifted his hands and stood up. "I was just sayin'. I like her."

"You want to ask about Kristin," Kevin said knowingly, but Nick shook his head. "Yeah, you do."

"Well, even if I did, I'm not."

"She knows all about Kristin," Kevin said, turning back to packing. "And Kristin is aware of her."

"It's all good?" Nick finished for him, impersonating Kevin's accent poorly.

"Wouldn't go that far, but it's being handled." Kevin nodded, bunching up his shirt.

"Well, I was just sayin'," Nick started with a shrug, "I like her. She's cool."

"I like her too," Kevin said, looking back over his shoulder again, holding Nick's eyes to show he meant it. "What about Rachel, then?"

"What about her?" Nick asked, flopping himself back on the couch.

"Fine looking woman, little man," Kevin said with approval. "Very hot the other night. She seems to be sticking around."

"Yeah," Nick beamed with a slight nod, pressing his tongue against the inside of his teeth. "I mean, her schedule's busy and all, but… It's incredible, you know? Like, I can't believe she's with me, dawg, you know?"

"God knows what she sees in you," Kevin teased, glancing back from his packing again.

"Aw, come on," Nick grumbled. "I'm okay. Admit it. I'm okay sometimes."

Kevin lifted his eyebrows at Nick and blinked at him before breaking into a smile. "Sometimes. But I still say, she's a lot more woman than you know what to do with. Mandy was a kitten compared to this one."

"You're tellin' me?" Nick exclaimed, pressing his fingers into his chest. "We're doin' okay, though. She's in fuckin' Lexington…um, I mean…"

"I know what you mean," Kevin snickered with a shake of his head.

"Here he is!" AJ called from the doorway. "Par-tay in Kev-ay's room!" He walked in and jumped on Nick's lap, wrapping his arm around Nick's shoulder and kissed his forehead loudly. "Hiya, snookims, d'ya miss me?"

"Get off!" Nick exclaimed, pushing at AJ.

"Ya see?" AJ got up and motioned to Nick with both hands in disgust. "He goes off and gets himself a real woman," he mockingly sobbed, "and never has any time for his friends anymore!" He lifted the bottom of his tank top to dab the fake tears from his eyes.

"Care to take this love-fest back to your own rooms?" Kevin asked, waving them out of his suite. "Some of us have packing to do? We're leaving today? Remember?"

"What's pack?" AJ asked Nick, furrowing his eyebrows together.

Nick shook his head side to side widely and bugged his eyes. "I dunno, dawg, think it has something to do with getting' our stuff on the buses."

"I's got yo stuff!" AJ exclaimed, grabbing his crotch and following Nick out the door. "I's got yo stuff ri' heah!"

"Hey! Where's Howie?" Kevin heard Nick call down the hall. "Did we remember to pack Howie?"

Kevin started picking up the things around the room, starting to wind down. He had been working on the adrenaline from having been with Jana the night before, but slowly that adrenaline waned once they started recording for the Artists Against Aids. A bit of it had returned when they looked up to see Gwen Stefani watching them, a cute, flirty smile on her face as she watched them. This was big league.

Before he could think too deep on that, there was a light knock on the door and he turned to see Howie walking in. "Sweet Howie D.," Kevin said. "What's up?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing," he said, sitting down and putting his feet up on the coffee table. He folded his hands and rested them on his stomach, slouching into the seat. "They're getting a little wild out there again."

"Frick, Frack and Fuck?" Kevin teased with a grin.

"Pretty much." Howie nodded. "How's things going?"

"Good," Kevin said, zipping up his duffel bag. "D'you get to see your ladies while you were in town?"

Howie smiled and nodded warmly. "Did you get enough time with Jana?"

"We got together a bit," Kevin answered. "You've been around."

"Well, yes, but seeing as you're trying to be so discreet and all that," Howie said.

"Are you trying to say we're not being discreet?"

"Well, no," Howie started, "I'm trying to ask what was up with you getting that drunk, and then high the following day, actually. I know AJ's not going to say anything about it, but…was that really the smartest thing to do?"

"Probably not," Kevin answered, sitting across from him. He clasped his hands together and rested his arms down on this thigh, looking to the floor for a moment. "I don't know what I was thinking," he offered helplessly. "Not the brightest of moves I've ever made."

"Just wondering if maybe you were cracking under the pressure of having Jana around?" Howie asked. "Like, maybe you're not comfortable or something?"

"That's not it," Kevin said with a shake of his head. "I think it's more that an old friend stopped by and I was trying to be macho and cool. Jana? She's right, man. There is no mistake about that."

"Well, do me a favor?" Howie asked, leaning forward to rest his hand on Kevin's shoulder. "Can you not have your macho friends around for awhile? At least until we're all okay with the way things are going?"

"Sorry, man," Kevin said guiltily. "It was stupid."

Howie shrugged and smiled to him. "Just bringing it to your attention. Gotta keep the peace, you know?"

"It's kept," Kevin said with a solemn nod. "Mikey's not going to show up anytime soon. He's pissed that I told him he had to go. I think the exact quote was that I was a wuss-ass pussy, or something like that."

"Great friends, Kevin," Howie laughed.

"I didn't need him around right now," Kevin said. "I've complicated things enough with my marriage. I don't need to be screwin' up the group too."

"You nervous about heading back to Boston?"

"Curious to see if they fixed the door," Kevin smirked.

"They'll probably have you do a photo session and give you a plaque 'Kevin Richardson of the Backstreet Boys punched this spot'!" Howie teased.

Kevin ran a finger along his chin and nodded with a smile. "I wouldn't doubt it. I've never been treated so politely for breaking something in anger in all my life."

"D'you have any idea how much profit they made on that door?" Howie asked him.

"No, but I'm sure you've worked it out," Kevin laughed, slapping Howie's leg playfully. "Let's go make sure Frick, Frack and Fuck aren't hurting anything."

~

"Surprise, Sweetie!" Kristin stood outside his door with a bright, happy smile and threw her arms around Kevin's neck.

"Kristin…" he said, blinking to Carlos standing in the hallway helplessly and lifting his shoulders at Kevin. "What're you doing here?"

"I told you I would be in Boston, silly," she said brushing past him into the suite room, looking around.

"She's not here, don't stretch your neck," Kevin said, having picked up her bag and bringing it into the suite room.

"Oh," she falsely pouted, "so I guess that means it's over? Otherwise she'd be attached to your hip, right?"

"No, that means she has a life too," he answered. "Why are you here?"

She tilted her head and blinked to him in disbelief before lowering herself onto the couch and smiled to him. "I know you so well, Kevin," she started. "You're going to have your fling and come back - just like you've always done. This time, I decided that perhaps I might come during the fling so we can move it along and get back to our life."

"I am trying so hard to make this nice, Kristin," he said, leaning back against the suite room wall and folding his arms. "I am trying so hard not to hurt you more than I have to…but it's not going to change this time."

"Sure it is," she piped in easily. "How many times have we had this conversation, Kevin? You always say you're not going to change your mind, and yet…here I am eight years later, having this conversation with you again. You're the one that said marriage would tame you. I didn't believe it would, but you said it. Not me. It hasn't. I'm aware of that, but now this time, we are married and I'm not going to let some slut come in here and ruin my marriage."

"She hasn't," he said calmly. "You have. I have. We are not…" He turned his head and exhaled deeply. "I don't want this marriage, Kristin. I didn't want it then, but I did it with all the best intentions. I still don't want it. It's not her. It's just us. We're not what I want my life to represent."

"Represent?" she snorted, rolling her eyes with a sigh.

"Can't you figure it out yet, Kristin?" he asked, his temper flashing quickly. "Every time I look at you I see lies! And it's been how long now? I still see lies! I'm tired of them!" He paused, taking a deep breath and closed his eyes, forcing himself to calm down. "I care for you. You know I do. And I do love you in some way…but not the way that I want to love a wife. I just don't want to keep trying at a lie anymore. I shouldn't have gone through with the wedding. I know that now. And I'm sorry, but I don't want us anymore. I don't know how to make you believe that."

"I won't believe that because, again, Kevin, you go through this crisis once every few years and then you change your mind again and I'll get a phone call in a few months with you being all sorry and wanting to make it right between us," she said dryly. "This time, I decided to make it a little more difficult for you to get out of it. This time, we are married and I refuse to believe that the last year has been entirely false between us. I've been with you and you've been happy."

"I'm not saying I haven't been," he argued. "Kristin, I've known you for ten years, of course I'm going to be able to have fun with you. I do love you, but it's not the kind of love I want to build a marriage on. I know that now. I don't want to hate you, and I know if I keep this up anymore, I'm going to. I don't want this to get ugly and angry, but I'm not going to keep pretending that I'm all right with everything either. I'm not."

"So, I'm just supposed to accept that and move on?" she scoffed, her voice beginning to shake in fear and her eyes widening in disbelief. "Kevin, if I didn't think we were right for each other, I wouldn't have taken you back all those times. I wouldn't have had to go through all that I did to get you to propose to me. But I did. And I did because someone needed to make you realize that love isn't what you sing about in your pretty little ballads. This is the reality of marriage, Kevin. It's for life."

"Kristin, please don't do this," he sighed, dropping his head back against the wall.

"It's for life, Kevin. Watch, you're going to change your mind," she said. "I'm here to remind you that we can also have fun together, you know. She's here having all this fun with you, and you're forgetting that we used to do the same kind of things. And if you think a lifetime with her isn't going to become what we have, you're living in a dream world. I know you better than that, Kevin. You're much more realistic than all this. I'm here to remind you of that. That this," she opened her arms out to the room, "isn't your life. It's a tour where everything gets a little weird and you're alone too much and you're too tired… Once you get back to real life, Kevin, you'll know I'm right."

He dropped his chin slightly and looked to her without expression. "Once I get back to real life, Kristin, I want a divorce."

"Sure, Kevin," she nodded, becoming defensive in her tone, "right after you break the news to your family and get their permission, right? Cause that's gonna happen too, right?" she questioned sarcastically. "You're gonna bring in your new little friend and announce to them that you're having an affair and want a divorce? Do you think that's acceptable? And your fans? They like me, Kevin. What do you think they're going to do to her? You think Leighanne is treated poorly? You're willing to put up with all the publicity for your sudden fling? You're willing to separate yourself from your family - again - for her? You're willing to lose half of everything you've just gained back from Lou and court battles to hand over to me? For her? Ruin your reputation? Possibly hurt Backstreet's reputation? Do you think after AJ that the fans are going to accept you committing adultery? And you're willing to do all of that…for her? For someone you barely know now? You married me, Kevin, what makes you think your relationship with her won't turn into the same? And you're willing to risk all that you have? Why don't you go call your little playmate and tell her your wife is here to work out your relationship?" she ordered, picking up a magazine from the table in front of her. She looked up to him, but he just glared at her, not moving. "Tell her, this time, your wife isn't going to give in so easily."

He couldn't even reply to her, caught in the middle of total fury and questioning how right she might be. He had to admit, on some level, she might be right. He had done this to her several times already when they were just dating and never seeing each other. And he already knew his family wouldn't understand him wanting a divorce. He had taken vows before God and witnesses, how could he explain to them that it was all a mistake? He turned and headed out of the room, leaving her on the couch. He had to let Jana know that she was here. Didn't want another episode like before, but he didn't want to go down there and see her and he couldn't just pick up the phone in his room and call with Kristin sitting right there.

"Brian…" Kevin went across the hall to his room and knocked lightly before pushing the door open. "You busy?"

"What's up, Kev?" Brian asked.

Kevin glanced over his shoulder to make sure Kristin wasn't behind him and looked back to Brian. "Do me a favor and let Jana know that Kristin is here."

"She is?" Brian furrowed his eyebrows at him in surprise.

"Wants to work things out," Kevin said, his voice light and confused.

Brian shook his head and sighed. "Yeah, I'll call her."

"What's that look for?" Kevin asked.

"I'm not gonna tell ya how to run your life, Kev," Brian started, "but I am gonna tell ya that working things out with her isn't going to make things any different than they are now. I think you know that."

"I don't know what I know, Brian," Kevin admitted, rubbing his finger along the beard on his chin mindlessly. "I just know that I don't want her to walk up here and find Kristin again."

"You didn't know she was coming?" Brian asked.

"She surprised me."

"Haven't you been wanting to work things out with her and she's been avoiding talking about it?"

"Yeah."

"And now that there's someone else, she's here to surprise you and wants to work things out?" Brian continued questioning. "Don't you think that's a little fishy, dude?"

"I don't know what to think, Brian." He looked back to the door and sat on the edge of the chair. "We are married. The family is going to flip. If the media gets a hold of it… AJ was one thing, we came out about it and we were honest and they supported his recovery and his privacy. The media has no business in my bedroom and I don't want it to come out, or comment on it or dodge questions about it when we should be focusing on Backstreet. And I don't know where this is going with Jana," he sighed, falling back. "Maybe Kris is right…maybe in a few years or so, I could feel the same way again. What the hell do I know?"

"Listen, Kev," Brian said, reaching over to rest his hand on Kevin's shoulder, "I will let her know that Kristin is here, but don't go making any life decisions right now. You're right to question all this…hell, I'd be concerned if you weren't. But don't go letting Kristin tell you how you're supposed to feel or anything. There's a reason you doubt your marriage, and she's not ever taken any responsibility for that side of things, right? Talk to her, certainly. Just don't make any decisions for awhile until you're a little more sure what you're thinking and feeling."

"Oh, I know," Kevin agreed. "She caught me off guard. I so wasn't expecting to see her."

"I know," Brian nodded. "If you need to stay here, you can."

"Thanks."

"I'll go find Jana and tell her. Anything else you want me to say?"

Kevin looked at Brian and sighed. I'm sorry?, he thought, but he just shook his head and headed back to his room.

Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 6
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Birds In Your Garden Disclaimer | Email Coriander

Read the companion story:
Oreos for Breakfast (Nick Fanfic)
by The Pumpkin Coach & Paperbag Princess

c. 2001, 2002 by Coriander
Some content not suitable for children. You have been warned.