Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 6
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He sat back against the couch and sighed, listening to the phone ring in his ear. The clock read 2:30, and she still wasn't answering, but this time, he left a message. "Hey, it's me. Just wanted to check in. Hope you had a good night. Talk to you later." He clicked the phone off and dropped it on the table in front of him, looking out the window at the Boston night. Kristin was in his room, and she had attempted to get him to spend the night with her, but each time he closed his eyes in a kiss, he imagined Jana. Each time he touched a part of her body, he sensed the glaring difference in their shapes and curves and he knew he had to get out of the room. What had Jana done to him?

He had never had a problem having sex before. There'd never been a time that he could remember when he wasn't able to block the distractions from his mind and just do it. Most of the time it was just less hassle to close his eyes and get it over with than consider the consequences or remember the person he was cheating on until after it was over. But Jana was all over his brain, climbing into corners he hadn't remembered existed and talking to him when he questioned himself. He couldn't figure out when it'd happened, or how it'd happened, but Jana had consumed him in a way he never knew he could be consumed before. Even when he had been dizzy with love with Kristin, she hadn't climbed inside him like Jana had. He turned back to the clock and slid down the couch. Where did she go? Did she go out with the dancers? Was she picking up someone in the club they were at? Did she decide he wasn't worth all this red tape to have him? Was she angry that Kristin showed up? Did she think he knew she was coming and that he just didn't want to tell her? Who was she flirting with right now? Was anyone else out with her? Nick? Where was Nick? He was her favorite one to flirt with…would she consider taking it any further?

And what if she did? He questioned himself. What right do you have to say she can't forget about you completely? How have you treated her, Kev? Do you think you deserve her affections? Less than five hours ago, you were wondering if she was the right choice yourself. She's allowed to have doubts too, dawg.

"You're still up?" Brian asked coming out of the suite room.

"Yeah," he answered, realizing he was yawning.

"There's plenty of room in there," Brian said, pointing to the bedroom.

"I know," he answered. "I was just thinking."

"About Kristin?"

"No."

"Jana?"

"Yeah."

"What're you thinking?"

"I'm not sure."

"Then you need to sleep," Brian said with a smile. "When you can't remember what's keeping you awake, it's time to sleep, dude. You don't have to decide right here and now."

"Might be easier if I did."

"Not when you can't think straight," Brian answered. "She's got you all worked up, man, and it just ain't worth it right now. You've got shows to do and press. It's the first time we're back here and I know I've been going through a lot of what happened about the last time we were here."

Kevin dropped his head and rolled his eyes tiredly. "Aw, man, I haven't even gotten that far."

"Sleep, Kevin," Brian told him gently. "Just get some sleep."

"D'you know who she went out with tonight?" Kevin asked, hoping to sound casual.

Brian chuckled and shook his head, heading back towards the bedroom. "The dancers, dude, don't worry."

"'M not," Kevin replied, pulling himself up from the couch to follow him. Sleep was a very good idea. "Just haven't been able to talk to her, that's all."

"You have it so bad, cuz," Brian chuckled, tossing a pillow at Kevin as he settled in bed.

"Yeah," Kevin said, going to the other side and sitting down, putting his pillow at the headboard. "I just can't figure out how I caught it."

"Ain't no vaccine against it," Brian said.

"Go to sleep," Kevin said, punching Brian's arm.

"Hey, it's been awhile since I've been able to tease you about stupid shit."

Kevin looked over his shoulder to Brian and fixed him with a serious look. "This isn't stupid shit, Bri. It's my life."

"No, I know," Brian sighed. "It'll work out, Kevin."

~

"Didn't I see your friend on stage last night?" Kristin asked walking into Brian's room the following afternoon. "I just remembered that I saw someone who looked a lot like that girl you had in your room in Texas." Kevin looked up from the game he was playing briefly and turned back to it, feeling the urge to suddenly kill everything on the screen. "I thought you didn't like to get involved with your employees? Isn't that what you said?"

"The dancers are not my employees, Kristin," he answered, keeping his eyes focused on the TV.

"They work for you."

"With me," he corrected.

"I don't care if they work for the President," she grumbled. "Was that, or was that not, the same girl?"

He put the joystick down and turned to face her. "Does it matter? You know nothing about who she is."

"Other than the slut that's sleeping with my husband, what do I really care?" She crossed her arms and tilted her head angrily. "What does she know about you? That you're married?"

"She knows, yes," he answered evenly. "And I'm telling her that it's not something she needs to be concerned about. And she knows a lot more about me than you know."

"Is that so?" she asked, sitting on the arm of the couch. "What, you mean to tell me you actually talk to her about something other than your environmental fund and what function you need to go to?"

"We don't talk about either of those things," he answered.

She widened her eyes in mockery, dropping her chin and lifting a shoulder. "Do you talk or just do her every chance you get?"

He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, running his finger along his chin. "You know, Kris, you can be really ugly when you want to be."

"And you can be a real bastard when you want to be," she replied snidely. "I'm just trying to figure out what she does for you that I don't."

"She hasn't lied to me," he said quickly. "She's not pretended to be something she isn't, like, being pregnant for example."

"Give her time," she said dryly, "when you can't commit to her, she might surprise you."

He shook his head with a wry smile. "You know nothing about her."

"Neither do you!"

"No, I know everything about her. And she knows everything about me, and I think she could love me for exactly what I am."

"You think?" she scoffed. "Oh, Kevin, come on! How well can you know her? You only met her a few weeks ago!"

"I met her a lifetime ago," he corrected. "Before I met you."

"What?"

"Back in high school."

"Oh, give me a break!" she exclaimed, raising her hands up in frustration. "Some silly crush from high school, Kevin? High school?"

"The person I might have married if I'd stayed in Kentucky."

"But you didn't stay in Kentucky, Kevin," she told him with a shake of her head. "If you loved her, why didn't you stay with her?"

"Because I couldn't, Kristin. You know that."

"How many times are you going to give up one thing for something else, Kevin? Right now…you have everything all at once."

"No, I don't," he said sternly. "Right now, all I have is something I don't want again."

"Out of the blue? Just like that?"

"Kristin!" he yelled, turning his head away briefly. "Where have you been? What have we been fighting about since before we were married?"

"Oh, gee, I don't know, pick something!" she yelled back. "You change your mind so many freakin' times, I can't keep up!"

"You lied," he said slowly and firmly. "You tricked me. You told me you were pregnant. You told my family you were pregnant and made up some story about losing it so they wouldn't know you lied. I have been asking you to commit to us…"

"You've been asking me to have a baby, Kevin. That is not a commitment to us."

"What do you think it is?"

"A baby! A baby that I would have to give up everything I worked for to raise while you disappeared around the world doing tours and writing albums and making appearances trying to save the planet!"

"Do you think I'd keep the same schedule? That I wouldn't be part of his life? What the hell do you take me for?"

"Did you ever think that maybe I want a little proof of that before I have a baby? That maybe I want you to spend some time with me before that?"

"And did you ever think that maybe I don't want to? That maybe there was a reason why I didn't ask you to marry me sooner? That maybe I wasn't all that sure that I wanted to be married to you?"

"And you come to this conclusion now? I wasn't holding a gun to your head, Kevin! You could have not proposed!"

"Oh, you have got to be kidding!" he yelled. "What was the point then, Kristin? It was a test?"

"I had to do something to make you commit, Kevin!"

"Want to scream that a little louder so the people in Canada can hear that?" He motioned to the window.

"How about I tell them about the affair you're having instead?" she challenged.

"Know what? Why don't you?" He stood up and walked around the coffee table. "Tell them all how it really happened, Kristin! That you were so desperate to bag yourself someone with a name that you faked a pregnancy to get them to marry you! That you willingly accepted to marry someone that left you several times and that you had no spine to tell 'fuck off' when he treated you like shit! That your desperation made you lie to your friends, your family and the one person you claim you love! Go ahead! You don't think they'll believe you?" He walked over closer to her and leaned down to eye level furiously. "You don't think that I can sway the media or the people filling our auditorium? Try me."

She wiped the tears from her cheeks, choking back a sob. "I hate that you can be so cruel!"

"I hate that you can lie!" he answered furiously. "I hate that your lie has me trapped! That you had to add another betrayal to my life when I was already getting fucked over by Lou at the same time! I'm sick of being lied to, Kristin and I'm stopping the lies now, Goddamn it! I have tried to explain this to you over and over and over again, but I can't get through to you!" He pointed to his head. "I am not in this marriage because I wanted to be! I am in this marriage because I felt pressured into it by everyone around me! And most of that pressure came from you! I didn't want to hurt you, but you don't seem to care about whether or not your little trick might have hurt me! And yeah, maybe I might have stuck it out a little bit longer if I didn't meet up with Jana, but it might have been any other person that had any sense of morality and honesty and truthfulness instead! We were doomed the moment you thought of your little plan and I played my hand out as best I could. I quit this whole game, Kristin! Whatever love I felt for you is never going to be the kind of love a husband should have for his wife, and the longer you stick around pretending like I've done something so horrible as to fall in love with someone else, the more you just drive those nails further into the coffin! I don't want to be married to you! Is that plain enough? I don't love you enough to work anymore at trying to love you enough!" He paced a few steps and opened his arms out, letting them drop to his sides. "It's over. I say it's over. Tell the whole fucking world if you want, I don't care anymore! I'm done!"

"And if I told you I was pregnant now?" she asked quietly, wiping more tears from her cheeks.

He evened his eyes out at her and shook his head. "I'd ask who the father was and make sure there were twelve pregnancy tests proving it."

"You bastard," she whispered, trying to hold back a sob. "I am!"

He shook his head slowly. "I'm not going to do it, Kristin. Are you going to be pregnant every time you're on the verge of losing someone?"

"Condoms aren't 100%, Kevin!"

"I haven't been with you in three months!" he argued. "More even! So show me, Kristin!" He walked over to her and pulled her up, putting his hand on her flat belly. "Where is it, Kristin?"

"Let go of me!" she yelled, pulling away furiously.

"It's over," he told her in a deep, angry voice. "Baby or no baby, it's over. I have to go now," he announced, brushing past her and slamming the door behind him. Brian and Howie were standing just inside Howie's doorway, watching him with wide eyes. "What the hell are you two looking at?" he snapped, hitting the wall with his palm as he disappeared down the hall.

Kristin threw the door open and looked down the hallway as Kevin stormed away. "It's not over, Kevin!" she screamed after him, kicking the doorframe as she broke into tears. "Do you hear me? It's not over!"

"Go to hell!" he called down the hall. He wasn't even in sight, standing by the elevators, trying to calm his temper. He didn't have to actually be anywhere, but he knew it would only get uglier if he stayed in that room with her. All he wanted to do was hit something now and the best place he could think of to work this anger out was in the gym -- a heavy workout that would exhaust the anger and relieve the stress.

~

He kept his head down, watching his feet move along the dusty rose, stained carpeting of the hallway and stopped, looking at the number on the door and taking a deep breath before knocking lightly. Yes, he probably should have called first to see if she was there. He probably shouldn't even be here at this time of day with maids roaming around, and everyone coming and going and awake, but no matter how hard he tried to go to the gym, his finger pressed this floor, and his feet found this hallway.

"Kev, hi," Shannon said with a smile, opening the door.

He looked up and saw Jana standing further in the room with a surprised expression on her face. He didn't even know if he answered Shannon. He didn't wait to be invited in. He let his brain continue on autopilot and headed straight to Jana and closed his eyes once he had his arms around her, his head lowered next to hers in an embrace so tight, he didn't know how she breathed, but her arms wrapped around his waist and her cheek pressed against his chest without even questioning him. She knew. She just knew he needed her.

She reached behind her back and took his hand, leading him over to the bed to sit down. As soon as she sat down, he wrapped his arms around her again, simply holding her to him, sensing the world disappear with the feel of her breath on his skin. He cupped her head in his hand, holding her head against him until he felt he could breathe on his own and then pressed his lips against her forehead in a tender kiss.

"It's not going well, then?" she asked quietly, pulling back to look at him tenderly and press her palm against his cheek. He closed his eyes and released a comforting breath, unable to answer, but knowing he really didn't need to. "I'm sorry, Kevin," she told him, sliding her hand down his neck to his shoulder softly. He dropped his forehead down to meet hers and closed his eyes, unable to even think of words, unsure of what he wanted to say to her. He just needed her, and couldn't figure out how to say it.

Jana watched Shannon slip out of the room and mouthed 'thank you' to her as Shannon smiled to her. She shifted to rest her head against Kevin's shoulder, letting him hold her, unsure what had happened to make him speechless and look so incredibly sad. She wanted to hold him until this pain left, however long it would take, and realized he would let her. That this was the reason he showed up at her door. He had never been this vulnerable in front of her and the only time she had seen him in this state was when she'd been standing in the back of the room in the funeral home when he buried his father. Then, she had watched his oldest brother wrap an arm around his shoulder and pull him against him protectively and it was all she could do to hold back the tears at the closeness and emotions they shared in that single embrace.

He shifted, pulling her to lie next to him. Instead of clinging to her, he pulled back, running his fingers down her face and through her hair, simply touching her, as if to prove to himself that she was there with him. She kept her eyes on his, patiently waiting for him to show her what he needed. He never took his eyes off of her, but his fingertips roamed over her face and shoulders, gently sliding down her arms and torso to rise back up to her shoulders, neck and face, drawing her close for a kiss so tender it brought tears to her eyes. She found her touches echoing his, running her hands over his chest comfortingly until he drew her closer for another kiss.

Everything seemed to happen slowly, each of them taking an eternity to remove the clothes that separated them, letting their hands explore and roam each others bodies leisurely between slow, deliberate kisses. She had never sensed such passion before - with anyone. She could feel the desire radiating from him, transferred through his fingertips and the intensity of his gentle green eyes as he continued staring into hers. She broke away from briefly to dig through her suitcase for a condom. He stretched his hands out to her, helping her back to his side when she returned. He took his time entering her, allowing himself to feel every sensation of the pleasure and vulnerability between them, wanting the moment to last as long as long as possible, lost within her gaze and body.

He didn't know how long stayed with her, and he didn't care. He let her slip the blankets up around him as he lay beside her afterwards and closed his eyes finally as she slid close, caressing his bare chest and laying small kisses across his face. Somehow, he felt like he could finally breathe, finally relax with her beside him. "Sleep, baby," she whispered, settling her head on his shoulder. She was magic, he thought. He knew she would be there when he opened his eyes again, and that's all he needed to know as he let himself drift off.

Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 6
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Read the companion story:
Oreos for Breakfast (Nick Fanfic)
by The Pumpkin Coach & Paperbag Princess

c. 2001, 2002 by Coriander
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