Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 8
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They arrived at sound check late. Kevin had all but forced Jana to come with him. She went with him only because the idea of sitting alone in the hotel made her more depressed and she wanted to at least say good-bye to her friends on crew. She walked with Kevin holding her hand through the hallways, feeling her face flush, wondering what kinds of rumors were floating around about them now. She saw Shannon and went over to her, falling into a gentle embrace.

"This sucks, girlfriend," Shannon said gently. "But at least you can walk with your man and show them all it wasn't just a rumor."

"Instead I get to be a slut," she joked sarcastically. "Joy!"

"He's holding his head up high with he walks with you," she said, nodding towards Kevin looking to them both before heading to the stage. "Don't you dare be ashamed of him loving you. If no one else can see what he's risking to have you, they're not worth worrying about."

~

"Shape of My Heart", Kevin said as he walked past the boys.

"What?" Nick asked, turning as he walked by, furrowing his eyebrows at Kevin.

"Shape of My Heart," Kevin said, looking hard at him as he took his spot on stage.

"I thought we were supposed to work on Drowning?" Nick asked, placing his weight on one foot.

"Shape of My Heart," Brian said into his mike, looking to the band. "Just a quick run through."

Kevin looked to the side of the stage, hoping Shannon would bring Jana over.

"One, two…" Brian counted down, and the guitar started playing the familiar notes. Brian looked over to Kevin before glancing to the side of the stage and started singing. "Baby, please try to forgive me…stay here, don't put out the glow…Hold me now, don't bother, if every second it makes me weaker…You can save me from the man I've become, oh yeah…"

Kevin stepped back, looking to the side of the stage seeing Jana and Shannon standing in the wings. Shannon had her arm around Jana's shoulder as Jana stood, watching the boys on stage. She knew this wasn't what they had planned on working on and when she saw Kevin step back and look at her, she knew it was definitely for her.

"Looking back on the things I've done, I was trying to be someone…I played my part, kept you in the dark…Now let me show you the shape of my heart…"

Kevin walked across the stage, stretching his hand out to her, but she shook her head, feeling the tears in her eyes. He kept walking closer as Shannon gave her a little push and she took a few steps, meeting up with Kevin as AJ turned to start singing in Jana's direction.

"Sadness is beautiful, loneliness is tragical, so help me I can't win this war…"

Kevin lifted his mike, singing his harmony and taking Jana's hand to lead her out further on stage. Nick, Brian and Howie all turned to watch. AJ walked up behind Kevin and sang directly to her, watching her start to cry. He dropped to his knee, taking her hand and sitting her down on his bended knee.

"Oh no, hold me now, don't bother, if every second it makes me weaker, you can, save me from the man I've become…
...Looking back on the things I've done, I was trying to be someone…I played my part, kept you in the dark…Now let me show you the shape of my heart…"

Nick finally figured out what was happening and walked over in front of them, dropping down to one knee, singing to her as she broke out into a teary smile.
"I'm here, with my confession…got nothing to hide no more…I don't where to start, but to show you the shape of heart…"

He reached out and took her hand, bringing her over to his knee and snuggling his head against her shoulder with a playful grin, hearing her giggle through more tears.

Kevin dropped to both his knees in front of her, singing as Howie and Brian came over, circling her as they finished the song.

"I'm looking back on things I've done, I never want to play the same old part, or keep you in the dark, now let me show you the shape of my heart… Looking back on the things I've done, I was trying to be someone…I played my part, kept you in the dark…Now let me show you the shape of my heart…"

As AJ finished the last notes, Jana was lying across Nick, Kevin and AJ's knees, caught between laughter and crying. AJ lowered his head to kiss her forehead, helping her up into Kevin's arms. As soon as she felt him next to her, she broke into quiet tears and dropped her head against his shoulder. "I can't believe you did that," she said to Kevin quietly, shaking her head against his chest.

"The whole world's gonna know, darlin'," he answered, lifting her chin up for a tender kiss.

That was when Brian, Howie and Shannon broke into applause. AJ and Nick started mocking them, throwing their arms around one another, and Nick jumped up, letting AJ catch his legs in his arm as he ran around the stage.

"You're fuckin' losers!" Kevin called after them, laughing, draping his arm around Jana's shoulder. "Way to spoil a moment, fellas!"

~

He was drained. Every part of him felt tired and sore and lethargic. His head was pounding and his shoulders were crimping tightly with the tension. Somehow he managed to get through the show, but it all seemed to pass in a mechanical blur. He wasn't aware of the steps or the notes, feeling the empty space behind him every time the dancers joined them on stage. Fatima had come up to him after the show and hugged him with her apologies. He couldn't even talk to her. All he wanted to do was go back to his room and spend the rest of the night with Jana. He'd be dropping her off at O'Hare the following day so she could fly back to New York. At least there were flights again so she didn't have to sit on a bus or train for hours on end.

She was already asleep when he came in, curled up on the couch with her head resting on her arm. Her face was still blotchy from all the crying she must have done while they were gone. Connie had been right in that there were paparazzi. Not many actually approached him, but then again, Carlos was earning his paycheck to keep everyone away; including the fans tonight. He was aware though, of there being a lot more flashbulbs in the crowds outside the venue and the hotel.

He sat down in the chair and watched Jana sleep for a while, knowing it was going to be some time before he'd be able to hold her in his arms while he slept or have the chance to just watch her like this. She reminded him so much of the kid he'd known so long ago. Her face was free of make-up and her hair was pulled back with some hair clips, wearing a tee shirt and bike shorts. He thought she wore the same thing twelve years ago when he said good-bye that last time too.

Good-bye always came too soon and without warning.

~

"Fuck 'em," Kevin said as they stepped out of the elevator the following morning and Jana tried to pull away. He squeezed her hand and looked at her with a tender smile. "Fuck 'em," he said more gently. "They know, and I already made it clear I wasn't going to hide from it. We're not making a spectacle of it. We're walking to the bus."

"Kevin," she protested, but he ran his hand along the side of her face and smiled gently.

"We don't have to pretend anymore, darlin'," he said quietly, tugging her hand gently. "She may not have meant to do it, but she's the one who let the world know and I'm not going to pretend otherwise. All we gotta do is walk from here to the bus, and Carlos will make sure we get there. Don't look up, over or to the side and don't answer any questions. Just walk from here to the bus, and don't let go of my hand, okay?"

"I'm scared," she said softly, looking up to him with frightened eyes.

"We're not going to let anything happen to you," Carlos said coming over to them as Frank trailed behind. "We'll walk you through it. Kevin and Larry's got your back," he said looking over to Kevin, "and I'm going to be right in front of you. Whatever you do, just keep walking to the bus. It'll be fine. Loud, but it'll be fine."

"They got us through Rio, remember?" Kevin said, trying to boost Jana's confidence. He had told her about the total mayhem that ensued when they did their promotional tour of 100 hours around the world. By the time they arrived at the hotel in Rio, there were forty-eight thousand fans, blocking the streets and surrounding the bus. Somehow, they managed to get into the hotel without anyone being killed or trampled, and if he had ever had any doubts, the fact that Carlos got him through that squashed any of them. "Keep your eyes on the bus, and don't stop until you get there."

She nodded to them and made her way over towards the door, blinded by flashbulbs and already hearing the fans screaming. Her heart was racing, and she knew her hands were sweating. As they stepped outside, she wasn't sure if her legs would stop shaking long enough to let her make it to the bus, but there really wasn't any other choice. Carlos had her wrist, and Kevin had her other hand, and she was swept through, keeping her head down, watching her feet move along the concrete somehow. The screams were deafening, and she heard her name called several times, but did her best to ignore them although she looked once or twice just out of habit. The path to the doorway was definitely lined with professionals, the cameras much too big and much too expensive for a typical fan, and much older people than the average fan held them as well.

She found it hard to believe that people would be this interested in them, but the proof was all around her. She made her way up the first step, and Carlos seemed to pick her up and lift her the rest of the way as Kevin and Larry followed. She sat down on one of the couches in the main section, her entire body shaking and tears coming to her eyes.

"You okay?" Carlos asked them. Kevin nodded and sat down, wrapping an arm around Jana's shoulder. "Jana?"

"Yeah," she answered, swallowing heavily with a nod.

"I think she's just a bit shook up," Kevin confirmed, pulling her to him. "Thanks, fellas."

"All right," Carlos said. "We're in the car ahead of you. If you stop for any reason, you let us know."

"Will do," Kevin replied.

"Thank you," Jana said, looking to Carlos and Larry.

"You'll get used to it," Carlos said. "It won't always be like this."

They headed back down the stairs and the screams became louder as the door opened to let them out. A few minutes later the bus slowly started moving, keeping at a crawl until they were free of the people surrounding them, and Jana relaxed a bit more against Kevin as they picked up speed.

"Better?" he asked, kissing the top of her head.

"How do you get used to that?" she questioned with bewilderment.

"Carlos knows what he's doing," he answered. "I trust him, literally, with my life."

"How long till we get to Chicago?" she asked, drawing back from him, turning to face him.

"About five hours," he answered, slouching a bit, but taking her hand in his and kissing her knuckles.

"This will die down, right?" she questioned again.

"It will," he said calmly. They had talked most of the night and through breakfast about what the possibilities could be, and he did everything he could to reassure her it would be over soon.
"We won't feed into it, and it'll be old news soon enough. I warned you…Getting involved with me was going to change life as you know it."

"I know," she said. "I guess I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon, or so big or that I'd be without a job when it did."

"I know, darlin'," he said sympathetically. "If I could change it, I would."

"Did you talk to her yet today?"

"Not yet, but we're pretty secluded in LA. I doubt it'll be this bad for her. And she said to tell you she was sorry."

"She's sorry?"

"She didn't mean for it to happen this way either," he explained.

"Let's not talk about it," she said with a shake of her head, "or I'm going to start crying again."

"It's only temporary," he said, drawing her closer and kissing her forehead.

"I know," she sighed, dropping her cheek to his shoulder. "But I've been spoiled seeing you practically every day. Now I have to spend every night alone."

"It's only temporary," he said again. "Besides, the lawyers said it's better this way."

She sat up and looked at him, furrowing her eyebrows. "Lawyers? Dear God, Kevin, lawyers?"

"Not what you're thinking," he said, smiling. "Divorce lawyers. The media will track our every move now, and we'll be apart. It'll look better in court."

"You've talked to lawyers? When?"

"While you were in the shower this morning," he answered. "It's been done. We're out in public so, there's no real need to hang around and wait. We'll draw up the papers and send them to Kristin and start the ball rolling. Something good's gotta come from all this, right?"

She lowered her head back down and felt the tears spill onto her cheeks. "I'm too emotional to handle all of this," she said, wiping her cheeks.

"We both are," he said, chuckling slightly. "Come on." He shifted and stood up, taking her hand and led her to the back bedroom. He slid the door closed and lay down on the bed with her, wrapping his arms around her tightly to feel her close to him.

It was the right thing to do. She knew it as soon as she heard Leslie's scared voice on the other end of the phone waking her up. It was the right thing, but now that it was all in the process of happening, after experiencing the mob at the hotel, she didn't know what to think. Here, right now, it was just she and Kevin, but anywhere else either of them would go, it was going to be fans, entourage, media, whispers and screams and family and everything except she and Kevin. That much had been made all too clear to her, and the overwhelming sense of wanting to sob against his chest continued to rise.

She loved him without question, but after the last twenty-four hours, she was petrified of what they'd started and wondered if she'd be up to it. Kevin, as always, seemed confident and made the decision to hold his head up and take on, literally, the world, and all she wanted to do was climb into a closet somewhere, and close the door to sit in the dark and hope they all forgot her existence.

Stacy was furious when it was just a hometown squabble; this was going to send her over the edge. Jana couldn't go home anytime soon, and that was where she most wanted to go. She wanted to cry to her mother and her sister and be told it was all going to work out with a little bit of prayer and some faith; but they wouldn't pray for this. They were praying for her soul to get out of this situation and leave the married man to his wife. Maybe their prayers had been answered after all.

She could feel Kevin's hand slowly massaging her stomach, and she closed her eyes with a haggard sigh to his touch. "You're burning up," he said quietly in her ear. "I can feel the heat from here." She nodded, not wanting to talk, afraid of making any sound. He lifted her shirt over her belly and pressed his fingertips against her, gently caressing the skin.

She rolled onto her back, opening her eyes to look at him with a sigh, biting her lips together. He just kept looking back at her tenderly, his fingertips grazing over her skin in slow circles and she knew it was hopeless. She couldn't let him go. The entire world could be against them, but she couldn't live with only having him as a memory again. She reached up, bringing him closer to kiss him slowly, savoring each sense of him near, on, around her.

Every touch and movement was communicated without words and without rushing. Kevin pulled his shirt off as she sat up to help him. She pulled hers off as he ran his hands along her skin, kissing her breasts and pulling her against him to feel bare skin against bare skin as his fingers slid through her hair. She turned her head to kiss his chest and neck, breathing in his sweet cologne before they pulled away and finished undressing.

She could have lain there naked next to him forever with slow, gentle touches and quick, soft kisses between them taking place of words. His fingers drew along her belly and circled her nipples lazily before he drew back and ran them along her thighs and back up several times, building the anticipation deep within her. Slowly, he drew his fingers along her thighs and slipped them between her legs, releasing a slow, contented sigh from her mouth, which he inhaled in a long, full kiss. She ran her fingers along his arms as he slipped his fingers inside her in a slow, steady pace until she caught her breath and moaned slightly with orgasm, tensing her body against his before pulling him completely against her and wrapping herself around him.

She stroked his erection, placing her thumb along his tip, making him shudder and inhale sharply with the sensation. Her fingers spread out to brush against his sacs and he breathed another quick intake of air before she placed the tip of him against her, letting him slide slowly inside with a satisfied moan. He continued to move with her slowly, delighting in the sensation of how good it felt to be inside of her, feeling her body against him. They were always able to find a perfect rhythm together, and this time was no different, building in intensity until he couldn't hold himself back any further and exploded in passion, clinging to her as he bucked against her body in ecstasy.

She wrapped herself around him, holding just as tightly, feeling his breath brush against her neck as he buried his head into her hair. She didn't want to release him. She wanted to feel his breath against her, feel his heart beat against her, feel his tense muscles around and inside her and never release him. His heart was racing, the world was spinning out of control, the bus was traveling at 80 miles an hour, but right at this very second, she held everything in place as it should be.

Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 8
Page 32 | Page 33 | Page 34 | Page 35

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Read the companion story:
Oreos for Breakfast (Nick Fanfic)
by The Pumpkin Coach & Paperbag Princess

c. 2001, 2002 by Coriander
Some content not suitable for children. You have been warned.