Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 8
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"So, how'd it go?" Jana asked late that evening.

"I was able to dodge the question," Kevin said with a tired sigh. "Wasn't too bad, for the most part. The show went fine."

"You weren't stoned or booed off the stage?" she teased.

"Not today," he answered. She could hear his smile and felt her stomach tense, wanting to be with him. "How about you? Did you go out?"

"No, we had some friends over. You're in for a shock next time you see me though," she said, taking a breath. "My friend Jeannie came by today, and we cut off my hair and I'm blonde again."

"You cut off your hair?" he asked in shock.

"It'll be easier to hide from reporters looking for a chick with shoulder length red hair," she said. "And my friends all came in wearing red wigs," she giggled.

"Jana," he said, not overly impressed, "don't play with them like that. It just calls more attention to it."

"Kevin, please," she said, "it was funny. And when they left, they all took a piece of paper that we printed out with the names of the people missing or dead from September 11th with a title that read 'People Who Deserve to Have Their Names in the Paper for Acts of Heroism and Bravery.' I think there are three people still outside."

"Wow," Kevin said, sitting back. "Impressive."

"We all sat around doing my hair and getting annoyed that they were making this into a story when there are so many more important things to bring to people's attention than who I'm fucking," she said. "So, while we were waiting for me to go blonde, we did that."

"Just don't provoke them, that's all. They'll see the wigs and think you're playing with them, and they'll never let up."

"I'm not stupid, Kevin," she said. "But we do have to have a sense of humor about these things. They're going to be there regardless of what we do. So, we pointed out to them how stupid they looked and then pointed out to them how stupid this story was. They may not have a conscience, who knows, but it was funny as hell watching person after person show up in bad wigs."

"I can't believe you cut your hair off," he said. "How short?"

"It looks good, I think," she said. "I can't believe I'm blonde more than the cut. I haven't been blonde in years."

"Wish I could see it," he said. "I wish I could see you. It was really weird not having you there on stage again. I turned around and saw Shannon and almost lost my step."

"You had how many months of me not even in your consciousness?" she teased. "It's only been a few weeks."

"I know, but I got used to you really quick," he said. "Got used to having you in my bed too. This just sucks."

"I know," she sighed. "I have about five pillows on my bed trying to take your place. It's not working. You're not this mushy."

"Didn't even try the pillow trick," he said. "But I did wake up holding one this morning, so I guess my subconscious is."

"Well, you could always go find a groupie downstairs," she said.

"And do what with her? Tell her about you?" he asked. "What's the point?"

"Good answer," she giggled.

"So, your friends have gone now?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said. "I'm alone again with weird hair and a cold bed. I hate that you've invaded my space like this, for the record. Especially when you can't be here to fill it."

"I could say the same, but I like having you in my space," he answered. "Occupies my mind."

"With what? What are you thinking about?" she asked.

"Oh, having you next to me," he said. "How your body feels, what you taste like, what I'm going to do next time I see you."

"And what's that?" she asked with a giggle. "Teach me how to occupy my mind with the same thoughts."

"Oh, phone sex," he cooed in a deep voice. "It's been awhile since I've had phone sex."

"Well, Rachel and Nick don't hold the market on it," Jana giggled.

"Rachel and Nick don't hold anything," Kevin said. "They broke up, apparently."

"No!" she said in shock. "What happened?"

"The little punk-ass was a punk-ass," Kevin said. "Refused to learn from any of our mistakes and had to learn the hard way that you don't fuck around behind your girlfriend's back."

"That little shit," Jana said. "I didn't think he even considered other women!"

"Groupies don't count as other women."

"Um, yeah, Kev, they do," Jana said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"They count as cheating," he clarified, "they don't count as other women."

"Good God, Kevin, how many variables do you need for fucking around?" she asked. "Cheating is cheating, who cares who it's with?"

"If you're serious enough to start another relationship with someone, it's more than fucking around," Kevin said. "If you're bagging groupies for the sake of having sex, it's fucking around."

"So, you're not fucking around on Kristin?"

"No," he said firmly. "I'm having an affair and getting a divorce so I can be with the person I'm having the affair with. It's a relationship. At least, that's what I think we're doing. You think I'm just fucking around?"

"I guess I don't have so many definitions for it," she said.

"I think one is understandable, the other is just fucking stupid and wrong," Kevin said.

"Of course, Nick is just fucking stupid, and wrong and you're right, right?" she asked.

"Usually," he answered, trying to hold back the chuckle. "She was too much for him to handle. He's still too young to be with anyone that much in control of their life. He has too many mistakes he needs to learn from before he's mature enough to handle a relationship with someone like Rachel. He needs to respect her a hell of a lot more than he does. What he's done just proves it. I'm not faulting him for it. I had to do the same fucking thing several times before I figured it out."

"And you think you have, asks the other woman?"

"I know I have, he tells the other woman," Kevin answered. "Because what we have isn't wrong, Jana. I don't feel any guilt for being in love with you and having you in my life. If I could get a divorce tomorrow and make this all right, I would. Right now, the fact that I'm married is an inconvenience."

"Wow," she said, a bit taken back by his tone. "I didn't know you were that…I don't know. Committed?"

He exhaled deeply, and she could hear the exasperation. "I don't know why you don't. I hope it's not because you think I take what I'm doing lightly. Because I don't. I may not believe that my soul is damned to Hell for breaking my marriage vows, but that doesn't mean I don't take breaking them to be a big deal. I've spent over a year and a half trying to make my marriage work and it's not going to. With or without you, I know now that it probably wouldn't have worked out. But I found you again and realized it sooner. Having an affair isn't a cause for a failed marriage, it's a symptom of one. If I was happy with Kristin, nothing would have happened between us, in spite of me finding you irresistible and beautiful and smart and funny and sexy and talented."

"Gee, is that all?" she asked with a chuckle.

"I could come up with more if you'd like," he said.

"I think you did okay," she answered. "And I know you take this all seriously, but in spite of you being able to justify it, to me, technically, you're still married, therefore I still think it's wrong. Mind how much it's stopping me. And I do feel guilty for that, regardless."

"I wish you wouldn't, darlin'," he said. "You didn't lead me down the primrose path of ruin. I pursued you, remember?"

"Oh, right, so I can let you take all the responsibility for it?" she giggled. "That'd be handy, wouldn't it? But I could have said no, in spite of what you think."

"What am I thinking?"

"Not many people have said no to you, have they, Kevin?"

"In what context?"

"Sex, Kevin. Sex. How many times have you been turned down when you really tried?"

"Enough," he answered.

"So, you know it's possible?" she teased. "I had no idea."

"Knowing it's possible doesn't mean that I don't try," he laughed. "Please, Jana, with my line of work? Look at what I do for a living! How many times were we told 'no'?"

"So you're just persistent," she said.

"I am," he answered.

"And being rejected by a label is not even close to being rejected by some hot momma, either," she pointed out. "I don't believe you can rack up label rejection in the same category as sex rejection."

"I've been turned down, Jana!" he laughed. "Several times! I'm aware that I'm not all that to all people."

"You'd never know it," she sung lightly in a tease. "There's a definite confidence in there. If you're demure and self-conscious, in anything, it certainly doesn't show."

"I don't let my failures run my life," he said pointedly. "My father taught me to learn from them, and that's what we all try to do. My brothers are the same way."

"Those Richardsons…such good boys," she giggled teasingly.

"We are," he said playfully. "But we're all grown up now."

"Yes, I know," she said. "Firsthand even. You were much scrawnier when you were eighteen. There really is such a blessing sometimes in being able to see the kids you knew back when mature into their bodies. It's a blessed event in your case."

"Blessed?" he laughed.

"Trust me, Kev, you're a sight to behold sometimes," she said with a sigh.

"Just sometimes?" he asked dejectedly.

"You put on those stupid wool hats, and it's kind of hard to find you attractive," she said honestly.

"I'm not wearing one now," he sang.

"No? What are you wearing now," she asked, dropping her tone.

"Right now, I'm wearing a pair of shorts," he answered.

"Nothing else?"

"Nothing else. What about you? What're you wearing?"

"Right now, I'm wearing a pair of your boxers and a tee shirt," she giggled.

"My boxers?" he questioned. "When did you steal my clothes?"

"You sleep like the dead, Kevin," she chuckled. "I could have stolen the boxers off that perfect little butt and you won't know it."

"Probably," he said with a nod.

"But, see, while I was sliding those boxers off that perfect butt, I'd have the urge to run my hands over it, and the rest of your chest and those thighs of yours," she continued. "Which would lead me to that spot…where your skin is so soft, just below the erection you'd be getting."

"Have," he corrected with a smile.

"Well, see, my fingers would caress that little spot, and then I'd have that urge, you know the one? Where I just feel compelled to press my lips against it, and then I'd lean back to blow gently on it."

"Mmm, yeah, that's nice," he sighed, reclining back in the bed.

"And then, I'd have to run my hands along that erection, just to know how it felt, to know how hard I can make you."

"Really fucking hard, Jan," he said, swallowing heavily.

"Good to know," she said slyly. "Am I making you hard right now, Kev?"

"Really fucking hard, Jan." He reaching down to stroke himself.

"Are you still wearing the boxers?"

"Ah, no," he answered, with a deep breath.

"You're not touching yourself, are you, Kevin?" she giggled playfully. "Because you're not allowed to come yet. I haven't told you about how much I like to wrap my lips over your tip, and flick my tongue over it, tasting you." He sighed again, releasing a quick groan from his throat. "And then I lower myself further down, taking you into my mouth and sliding back up to suck at your tip and run my tongue in a circle around it, just so I can hear that little breath escape from your throat," she continued. "Yeah, that little breath. That's how I know I'm pleasing you. And I let my palms run over your balls, pressing my fingertips against them so gently, and you have that little shiver. Did you shiver, Kev?"

"Yeah," he gasped.

"I love having you in my mouth," she cooed with a smile. "And I love setting the rhythm of how long I can suck you off. I love releasing you and sliding my naked body over your skin and straddling you, hovering just above with the tip of you against my clit, that pause…that anticipation of knowing how good you're gonna feel when I lower myself down to feel you inside of me. It feels so good to have you inside of me, Kev," she purred. "I need to feel you inside of me."

He could barely respond. His heart was pounding and he was trying to concentrate on what she would look like, straddling over him. His breaths were coming shallow and quick as he teased his own dick as she would be if she was there. "Oh, God, Jan," he gasped with a rasping breath.

"I need to feel you, Kev," she said again. "You'd roll me over so you could thrust deeper, burying into me. And I'd grab onto that perfect ass and push you deeper…quicker… Needing you." She heard him groan, the sound catching in his throat with his breath. "And your buck against me as you came, pushing harder. Dropping down to pull the air from my lungs in a kiss," she finished, hearing him pant on the other end. "Was that good for you, Kev?" she giggled coyly.

"Oh, shit," he breathed heavily, taking a deep breath. "That was amazing," he said. "But it wouldn't be the end of it," he said, swallowing heavily.

"No?" she questioned with a smile.

"Hell, no," he answered. "Because you make me feel so good, darlin', I'd have to make you feel good too."

"You would?" she teased playfully. "How would you do that, Kev?"

"After taking the air from your lungs," he chuckled, "I'd lower myself to blow it across that spot on your neck that makes you moan, and then I'd place kisses all along your neck and collarbone as my hands find your breasts. And I'd trace my fingertips around your nipples, pinching them the way you like…before sucking them between my lips."

"Mmm, that's nice," she sighed.

"And my one hand would slide across your belly until it found that wetness between your legs. And I'd slide a finger deep inside until I'd want to taste it on my tongue," he continued. "I love the way you taste, Jana. So I'd drop my head down and slip my tongue all around you, inside of you…" He listened to her take a ragged breath on the other end and smiled. "And you'd take your hand and put it in my hair like you do so that I can't pull away… And while I was sucking your clit, I'd slip my tongue inside just so I could hear you moan and gasp when I find just the right spot. Do I have the right spot, Jana?" he asked. Her fingers were sliding along her clit, swollen with desire as she answered with a light moan. "And you'd wrap your legs around my shoulders so I could really get in there and suck at you, picking up the rhythm to make you start squirming against me, mumbling to me about how good I felt."

"So fucking good, yes," she panted, quickening her pace.

"And I'd slide a finger inside you…and another, still sucking on your clit," he listened to her moan loudly. "And you'd come so I could feel you…taste you…drink it all in."

"Why the fuck aren't you here?" she gasped, climaxing against her fingers.

~

"Oh man, we're friggin' pathetic," AJ laughed backstage, watching everyone in the room. Howie was, as usual, on his phone, but Kevin, Brian and Nick all looked to be lost in their own worlds, either pouting or scowling. "We are grown men! We shouldn't be this pathetic!"

"Shut-up," Nick grumbled, turning his back towards AJ and slumping further into the couch.

"Oh, come on, Nicky," AJ said, sitting on the arm of the couch and nudging Nick's shoulder. "It's gonna get better. Rache will have to give in sooner or later. You're the cute one, remember?"

"The fucking stupid one, more like it," Nick mumbled in his self-pity.

"Well, we've all been fucking stupid at some point," AJ reassured him, patting his shoulder. "If it's supposed to be, then you'll work it out."

"Who blew sunshine up your butt?" Kevin asked curiously, sitting on the opposite side of the couch from Nick.

"Well, she-it, someone's gotta lift the spirits around here! And I'll say it again, we're friggin' pathetic if we can't get along a few days without our ladies!" Nick glared over to him and shoved hard, sending AJ off the arm of the couch as Howie, Brian and Kevin burst into laughter. "Oh, sure, shoot the messenger!" AJ exclaimed. "Nice! Real nice!"

"We'll snap out of it sooner or later," Kevin said with a shrug. "It's all just really rotten timing."

"That's why you should all be like me," Howie said cheerfully. "No commitments and it's all good."

"Bite me," was the majority of the replies he received.

"So, what's Jana doing?" AJ asked, broaching the subject for the first time.

Kevin shrugged slightly and looked over to him. "She's got her agent pushing her resume, but right now, she's more or less dodging paparazzi. She's blonde again and cut her hair off, hanging out with her friends. Seems okay, I guess."

"When're you going to see her again?" Brian asked.

"Next week if all goes well," he said.

"Fuckin' great," Nick muttered.

"What?" Kevin asked, looking over to him.

"Sarah'll be back, LeighAnne'll be back, Jana'll be back and Howie'll have someone and I'm just gonna… Oh, never mind." He pushed himself up from the couch and headed out of the curtained off area. The rest tried hard not laugh at his misery, but AJ was the first to break and dropped into the vacated spot Nick left behind and burst into laughter.

"It's not fucking funny!" Nick hollered coming back from the hallway.

"You said you learned your lesson, Little Man," Kevin said with a shake of his head. "How soon could you forget that?"

"I didn't forget!" Nick protested furiously as Kevin merely lifted an eyebrow at him. "I didn't! She wasn't there, man! She wasn't answering her phone!"

"Geez, dawg, that's lame," AJ said with a shake of his head. "Tell me you didn't try that excuse with her."

"I didn't get a chance to use any excuse!" Nick yelled.

Kevin lowered his open palms a few times, trying to signal Nick to keep his voice down. "Chill, Nicky, we're just teasin'."

"Well, don't!" Nick scowled. "It's not fuckin' funny!"

"Sorry, man," AJ said guiltily, "really."

Kevin looked up to Nick, pretty sure Nick was on the verge of tears, either because he was that upset or that angry, he wasn't sure. He just knew they needed to lay off him for a while. Before anyone could say anything more, he tossed back the curtain and stormed back out, and everyone looked at Kevin.

"What?" he asked wide-eyed.

"Well," AJ said, nudging his thigh and tilting his head towards the curtain.

"Well, what?" Kevin asked looking at them. "He's not gonna listen to a word I have to say."

"He respects you, dawg," AJ said.

"Bullshit," Kevin scoffed.

"He needs someone to talk to, and he's more likely to tell you than me right now," Brian said. "You have more experience in this sorta thing than the rest of us."

"Fat lot of good it got me," Kevin grumbled, but slid off the couch with a grumble. "He's not gonna want to talk, but I'll go."

"Who-da-man? You-da-man!" AJ called after him as the curtain closed behind him. He was almost certain Nick would be blowing something up in videogame-land, but when he checked, he didn't see Nick. He also didn't find him shooting any hoops. He wandered out towards the stage area, asked a few people if they'd seen him and finally got a response. He headed out towards the arena seating and looked around, seeing Nick in the middle of the floor seating, arms folded and his feet up on the chair in front of him watching the stage go up before him.

Kevin headed back and wandered until he found a door that opened to the arena, and made his way down to sit behind Nick and fold his arms over the chair next to him. "Yo, man, you all right?" Kevin asked.

"Geez, Kev, can't a guy get a little peace?" Nick grumbled.

"We didn't mean to piss you off in there, Little Man," Kevin tried, nudging Nick gently with his arm. "Trust me, we know what you're going through."

"You so don't," Nick said with a shake of his head.

"Yeah, we do," Kevin said gently. "We may not show it, but we've all done the same thing at least once. Me? More than once. But we know. We're just trying to make it not seem like a big deal because it'll get worked out. You have to have patience with her and let her cool off."

"She's never gonna forgive me," Nick said. "Why should she? I never should have done that! I don't even remember doing it! And then there's fuckin' Frank! All he had to do was cover for me, but he doesn't even do that!"

"He shouldn't have to lie for you, man," Kevin said. "Pushin' it off on Frank is just an excuse, and you know it. Frank won't lie to Rachel as much as he won't lie to you. Like it or not."

"Fuckin…not!" Nick scowled with an aggravated sigh. "She won't answer my calls, Kev." He turned slightly to look at Kevin. "I can't even talk to her. How can I say I'm sorry if she won't talk to me?"

"Give her some time, Nicky," he said patiently. "Let her hurt ease up a bit and try talking to her, and don't give her any lame-ass excuses either. Not if you really want her back."

"I do," he whined. "But, man…I did just what every other guy did to her! I promised I wouldn't and I did!"

"Stop thinkin' with this," he pointed to Nick's groin, "and start usin' this." He tousled Nick's hair. "You gotta start thinkin', Nicky. She's not Willa. She's not gonna just accept everything you do because you're famous. She wants a partner, not some kid. You gotta show her you're up to it."

"I just…I don't want to be away from her."

"Well, newsflash for ya, it's a fact of life whether you like it or not. Unless you're willing to give up Backstreet?" Nick was quiet for a moment. "Nicky?"

"I'm not," he sighed, "but sometimes I wouldn't mind it. Look at this view, Kev. Tonight, someone's gonna be sitting here and then they're gonna go home and just…be normal. They'll be able to go out and see their friends or go shopping or…whatever. And when I'm around her, I can be normal. It ain't about me when she's around."

"Well, it's not supposed to be about you," Kevin said with a shake of his head. "And that's the problem, Little Man. You made it about you when she wasn't at your beck and call. And that's just not what it's about, you know?"

"And how did you figure all this out?" Nick asked, turning to glance at him.

"Kristin kicked my ass more times than you'll ever know, Nicky," he admitted. "I've been just as miserable as you, but I don't think you were old enough to figure out what was goin' on. But, trust me, we have all been here and you're not gonna learn shit if your heart isn't broken at least once. Look, why don't you come back with me and we'll shoot some hoops or something? You always feel better when you can beat my ass at something. Okay?"

"Kev? What happens if she doesn't forgive me?" Nick asked, his eyes sadder than Kevin could ever remember seeing them, even more than when he was fourteen and homesick in Germany and it had killed Kevin to see that look then. This, somehow, was more heartbreaking because he knew Nick was beating himself up with guilt. He thought for sure Nick was going to burst into tears, and part of him wished he could just leave him to do it and be done with it. Another part wanted to try and get his mind off of it so he wouldn't. If he was around when Nick cried, Nick would avoid him for weeks.

"It doesn't always hurt like this, Nicky," he said gently, patting his shoulder. "Just give her some time to cool off and try again." He placed his hand on Nick's shoulder and looked back to the stage, wondering how many hours the crew had actually been setting up. "You wanna come play some b-ball?" Nick shrugged, also looking to the stage. "Come on." Kevin nudged him and stood up. "I'll let you win," he teased.

"Like hell! You can't beat me," Nick protested, still a bit half-heartedly, but at least it was a reaction.

Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 8
Page 32 | Page 33 | Page 34 | Page 35

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Read the companion story:
Oreos for Breakfast (Nick Fanfic)
by The Pumpkin Coach & Paperbag Princess

c. 2001, 2002 by Coriander
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