Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 9
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"Well, that was fun," Jana said, pulling her shoes off as she sat down on the couch.

"Yeah, it was," Kevin agreed, sitting across from her and putting the box next to him. She sat back and smiled, closing her eyes for a moment. He knew she hadn't changed, but right now, she was more beautiful to him than ever before. He loved the shape of her nose, the pout of her lips and the way her hair framed her face. All he could do was sit and smile at her.

"What?" she asked, looking up at him curiously.

"Nothing," he said softly with a slight pout and shake of his head.

"Than why are you looking at me like that?" she asked self consciously, reaching up to smooth her hair.

"Because I love you," he said easily.

"You haven't been drinking, have you?" she asked. "My buzz has so worn off and I didn't see you drink anything but coffee." He just shook his head without changing his expression. "Kev, what brought this on?"

"I really don't know," he said, moving over to her and kissing her. "I really don't care."

"Could be the atmosphere sinking…" she sang lightly, tapping her finger against his chin with a smile. "Oh, I don't know what you're thinking, I don't even know what you're drinking, but it keeps this heaven alive.."

"What are you singing?" He smiled with a lift of his eyebrows.

"Duran Duran," she answered. "'Last Chance on the Stairway?' Ever hear it?" He shook his head. "You've heard it. You must have."

"Right now," he said, leaning over to kiss her quickly, "I don't really care."

"And sometimes I'm caught in a landslide…" she continued. "Actually, you're more like a flash flood." She pulled back and studied him, tracing the shape of his beard and mustache with her fingertip. "I never know when to expect you to come and sweep me away," she told him lightly. "I just know that suddenly I'm midstream."

~

"Kevin, it's a charity event," Kristin said shaking her head at him. "We discussed this, remember?"

"No," he said with aggravation. "I don't remember."

"Your voicemail?" she reminded him. "You were busy for your birthday?"

"Oh," his shoulders dropped and he turned slightly, "fuck!"

"Good to see you too, Kev," she grumbled with a scowl, walking down the hall. "What room?"

He sighed heavily and turned after her. "I didn't mean it that way," he said.

"Whatever, Kevin," she said, looking to him. "Which room?"

"That one," he pointed and headed in after her. "I didn't mean it that way, Kristin. I just forgot about the thing. That's what I meant."

"Sure, whatever." She dropped her flight case down and looked at him doubtfully. "Has she left yet, or did we overlap?"

"She left this morning," he said, walking past her and sitting down on the couch.

"Oh, darn, I missed her," she said with a fake smile.

"I do," he said looking at her sternly.

"Save it," she snapped angrily. "I really don't want to hear it, Kevin."

"Eventually, we're going to have to sit down and talk about how we want to handle this," he said.

She shook her head. "We don't want to handle this," she said waving a finger at him. "You do. I want to work on this. You don't. What's there to talk about, Kevin? How do you want to handle this? Because whatever I want to do doesn't seem to matter anymore. You're moving on. So, move on!"

"Oh, this is great, Kris," he said, nodding his head. "This is the angle? The victim?"

"And how have you been made a victim, Kevin?" she asked snidely. "Oh, you poor, rich, famous pop star that got stuck marrying the woman you begged to have back how many times over how many years? I'm sure all those times we went out, had dinner, went to the movies, stayed home and watched TV together on the couch, made love was just pure torture for you, wasn't it? Cause I heard you kicking and screaming, didn't I?"

"That's the problem, Kristin!" he yelled, standing up. "You didn't hear me! For two years we have been having the same argument over and over and over and nothing ever gets changed!"

"I am not going to have a baby, Kevin! Not like this!"

"It's not about having a baby, Kristin!" he bellowed. "It's about what you did to get me to walk down that aisle! That's what it's about, and if me wanting to have a baby is so fucking wrong, why the hell did you use it as an excuse to marry me? What the hell do you want from me? What the hell am I supposed to do for you if you had to fucking trick me into marrying you? I keep nagging about having a baby because I stupidly thought it might help! That it might make good on the lie you started and make it feel like I didn't make one of the biggest fucking mistakes of my life, and all you've ever done is continue to prove me wrong!"

"Stop it!" she screamed, raising her hands up to her head with tears streaming down her face. "Just stop it!"

"This is happening, Kristin!" he continued, brushing past her furiously. "Whether or not you want it to, it's fucking happening!" He stormed out of the room and was greeted by AJ, Nick and Howie looking out of AJ's door in shock. "Mind your own fucking business!" he screamed, slamming his fist against the wall and storming down the hallway.

~

Brian went down to the pool, finding Kevin sitting sideways in a lounge chair and staring at the concrete in front of him. He had his hands against his lips and didn't notice anyone coming or going around him; luckily Carlos had heard the commotion up in the hallway and followed Kevin, keeping the area clear. Brian half smiled at Carlos and headed over to sit in the lounge chair in front of him, and Kevin slowly lifted his head to look at him. "What?" he snapped, but his voice remained quiet.

"I was going to ask you the same thing," Brian said, leaning his elbows on his knees.

"Not now, Bri," Kevin said with a shake of his head as he looked back down to the floor.

"Somehow, Kevin, this all has to be resolved," Brian said calmly. "Somehow, you and Kristin have to figure out some way to have a conversation that doesn't end with one of you leaving the room, or it's never going to be finished." Kevin looked up at him with angry eyes. "Comes with being an adult, Kevin. You made the decision to leave, you have to take the heat for it then, too."

"Why do you think I keep walking away?" he asked furiously. "So I can be a man and collect my thoughts before I just lose it!"

"Maybe you have to lose it," Brian told him. "Maybe, like what you did with AJ…maybe you just have to say it, Kev. However it comes out. Sounds to me like you were making some pretty good headway up there."

"I can't," he hesitated, shaking his head slowly, "stand seeing her cry, Brian. Not like this. Not because I'm the one making her cry."

Brian scoffed slightly, looking partly surprised by the statement. "Kevin? She loves you," he said slowly, keeping his eyes directly on him. "She's going to cry. A lot." Kevin just shook his head and closed his eyes. "Kevin," Brian continued, dragging out his name slowly, "you're going to have to face her if you want to get out of the marriage. You want to do that, right?"

"Yes, I want to do that," he said firmly, looking at Brian with conviction. "What I don't want is to have to stand by and watch Kristin fall apart because of it, dang it! Shit, Bri! That's half the reason I married her in the first place! I couldn't deal with breaking her heart like this in the first place!"

"Instead, she gets to break yours?" Brian asked cautiously.

"She…" Kevin paused, feeling his heart thump against his chest. He knew Brian was right, with everything he was saying. And he knew he had to suck up and deal, face Kristin and get it over with, but each time he watched her eyes fill with tears, he lost his nerve. He did love her in some respects. She hadn't been insufferable. She'd taken care of him, cared for him, listened to him, cheered him on for his entire career. He could hear her laugh, and his entire day seemed sunnier. She had given him hope so many times, and now he had to take hers away. He knew he had to, but it didn't make any of it easier on him. "I didn't want to," he said softly. "I just didn't want to be the one that hurt her this much. I don't like being the one that's doing the hurting."

"Kevin?" Brian asked, keeping his eyes steadily on Kevin. "Do you really want to do this? Do you really want to be with Jana?"

"Why the hell are you asking that?"

"Because if you really want to be with Jana, you really have to want to do this," Brian said, his blue eyes staring Kevin down. "And if you really want to do this, you'll figure out some way to get through what you need to do in order to have what you want. Maybe that's what you need to be thinking about."

"I don't need to think about what I want to do, Bri," he said slowly. "I don't want to have to do this here and now. I wanted to do it once we were off the road."

"Why drag it out? She's here now and Jana's not."

"We have to be together tomorrow looking all happy and shit," he answered.

"Kev?" Brian said, touching Kevin's leg as he stood up. "Tell yourself as many excuses you need, but eventually, you're going to have to either hurt her, or hurt Jana. No way around it, buddy."

"Gee, you figure that out all by yourself, Bri?" Kevin asked ironically, looking up to him.

"I'll be around if you want to talk," he said, dismissing Kevin's sarcasm and walking back inside.

~

Kevin found his way back up to his room sometime after having dinner and stopping off at the bar. He hadn't had enough to make him drunk, or even have a buzz, but he hoped there was enough in his system to give him the courage to face Kristin and just get this conversation over. A room service tray was outside his door, and he knocked lightly before letting himself in with the keycard.

Kristin was sitting on the couch in a pair of faded jeans and plain white tee shirt, reading a magazine. She barely looked up once the door closed, and Kevin made his way towards the suite room, resting his hands on the back of the chair facing her. "I'm sorry I hurt you," he said softly, but all she did was look back down to her magazine and turn the page. "I'm not forgetting the last ten years, Kris, and I'll always love you in some way, but I don't want to be married to you." That mellow tinge in his words and his accent always seemed to become thicker when he drank.

"You are married to me," she answered.

"But I'd like to start proceedings not to be," he answered. "And I'd like to work out a way to do it so that we're not gonna have to hate each other. I'd like to be able to say we tried it and it just wasn't working out for us. I don't think it is."

"It's working out fine for me," she said and Kevin could hear the shake she in her voice.

"Kris…" he started gently, moving around to sit on the chair and lean towards her, resting his arms on his thighs. "I never could voluntarily hurt you. I never wanted to. That's part of why I agreed to get married. I knew how much you wanted it, and I didn't want to disappoint you. And I can't say I've been miserable because I haven't. But it's not been what I wanted either."

"Oh, and she's going to give you what you want?" she asked, with a doubtful tone, still not looking at him. "How can you be so sure? How do you know she's so perfect?"

"I don't," he said honestly with a shake of his head.

"But you're going to throw everything we have away to find out?"

"I'm not 'throwing everything we have away.' I couldn't. You've been important to me, Kris. You always will be…"

"Save it, Kevin," she snapped, finally looking at him. "Don't give me that. Don't patronize me with bullshit. If I meant anything to you at all, you wouldn't do this to me. The problem here is that you don't want to give in and just let me have my own way for a while. When we dated, you were working on your career and you didn't have time for anything else. Now that you've got everything you wanted, you want to settle things down a bit, and my career is taking off, and now is not a good time for me to do what you want. That's all this is about. You're not getting your way, and I can't believe you're going to throw away our marriage because you're just spoiled. Spoiled! I haven't asked you to give up one thing…"

"Except my entire future," he interjected. "And you didn't even ask. You lied about it."

"I told you I lied before you said 'I do' but you did it anyway! You had months to stop it, but you didn't. You didn't, Kevin."

He fell back into the chair with a deep breath and shook his head. "I didn't," he admitted. "And if I had, I'd have hurt you then instead of now. And either way, I'm sorry I have to. But I do."

"You don't," she said, leaning forward slightly. "You can give me time. You can wait, and we can work all this out. You don't even want to give me a chance, Kevin!"

"I can't," he said. "I know what I need to do, Kris. It's just too late to try anymore. You're right. I don't want to."

"So, I was right," she said, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "I don't have a choice." All he could do was shake his head and barely shrug. "And you want me to give you permission for it and be okay about it? Well, I'm not going to be okay about it because I do love you, Kevin. Why do you think I waited all that time? Why I took you back all those times? Why I did all those things?"

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, trying to keep looking at her but having to turn away. She was pale, and her eyes were red. It was evident this was not the first time she'd been crying today. What hurt the most was the pain in her eyes, the pleading look for him to stay. "I can't."

"But you don't know her!" she argued, pushing the magazine out of the way and moving closer towards him. "You don't know her, Kevin. Not like what we have. I know you."

"She does know me, Kris."

"She knows you from so long ago, though. You're not the same person. She's not either! Don't you see that?"

"Kristin," he said, pausing and pushing himself up, "when the tour is over, I'm going to Kentucky for a while, and then I'll look for another place in LA. I'll need to know what your schedule is when it's closer so I can come by and get my things."

There. He'd said it. His mouth was dry, and he could hear the blood throbbing through his head, but it did drown out whatever her immediate reaction was to it. He looked up to see her blinking at him, her mouth partially open, blinking to him in confusion.

"So, that's it," she whispered, lifting her fingers to her mouth and pulling on her bottom lip as her eyes filled with tears again. "That's…it. You're already planning ahead." All he could do was nod at her, feeling as if guilt had just kicked the air out of his lungs. "You're going to deal with your family? Over the holidays?" He nodded again. "You're going to ruin their holidays, Kevin?"

"There's never going to be a good time," he answered truthfully.

"Look, I know you want this over, but don't do it right now. I don't want them to have to deal with all of this over the holidays. Wait to do this, Kevin. At least, with them. You don't have to come home, or not look for some place else, but don't make the final announcement until after the holidays. At least give them a decent Christmas, and let me have the chance to see them? Just give me Christmas, Kev."

It was hard to deny her that much, and she made a good point. If word got out, there wouldn't be much quiet over the holidays, even if he was in Kentucky. They all deserved at least that much, and it would buy him time to tell them what he was planning. She would also have a chance to say good-bye to everyone, and maybe he wouldn't feel like such a shit if agreed to this one request.

"Kev?" she asked nervously.

"Christmas," he agreed. "Okay."

Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 9
Page 36 | Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39

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Read the companion story:
Oreos for Breakfast (Nick Fanfic)
by The Pumpkin Coach & Paperbag Princess

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