Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 10
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Jana wandered through the maze of backstage, following Nick's voice to the game room as he cursed at the machine angrily. His eyes remained intent on the screen, his hand moving in quick motions, and his entire body swayed and shifted as he battled spaceships and saved the universe from destruction. All she could do was stand back and laugh, easily picturing him as a young teen in the arcades.

"Are we safe?" she asked as Nick stepped away from the game, glaring at it.

"Safe?" he asked.

"Is the world safe again? Did you save us?" she asked, motioning to the game.

He waved a hand over his shoulder and scowled. "Nah, wasn't really tryin'."

"Hate to hear what you sound like when you are." She winked at him with a smile, but Nick just lifted a shoulder and tilted his head slightly. "Oh, are we grumpy, little blond flirty one?"

"Aw, man," he groaned, dropping his shoulders down with a sigh.

"Nick," she said with slight surprise, "I'm just kidding."

"I know," he answered quickly. "I'm just…" He waved his hands around restlessly.

"Have you talked to her?" she asked, running a hand down his arm gently. "Is she miserable like you?"

"In London?" Nick asked. "With Em and her band and her ex? How could she be miserable?" he scowled, and then he shook his head. "I didn't mean that."

"I know what you meant," she said with a nod. "Distance sucks."

"Big time," he agreed miserably with a side smile, wiping his hand through his hair sheepishly. "You tell Kevin I'm like this…"

She shook her head and tousled his hair. "Not a word, but..." She squinted at him. "...I don't think it's hard to figure out." He sighed and rolled his eyes. "It's cute," she teased, giggling, but Nick curled his lip and tilted his head side to side. "Fine, then," she said, looping her arm in his to lead them out of the game room, "buy me a cup of coffee and let's just talk for awhile."

"Buy you?" he asked, looking down to her.

"Figure of speech, blond boy," she groaned, tugging him along.

~

"So, y'all have fun at the ranch?" Nick said, sitting across from her at one of the long tables in the cafeteria before sipping his soda.

"Yeah, it was good," she answered, stirring her coffee. "We just chilled out a lot, more than anything. Kevin and I went horseback riding, and he and Howie went out on the ATV's. I slept. I slept a lot, actually. Just…hangin', you know? You should have come with us."

Nick chuckled and lowered his chin, looking at her through his bangs. "It was cold, right?"

"Well, yeah…"

"And Kevin was there?" he asked.

"Uh, duh, yeah…."

"That's why I didn't go," he giggled.

"And your cell phone wouldn't have worked," she added knowingly with her own teasing smirk. "Kevin was calm the whole time."

"Jana, Kevin's never calm. He may look calm, but he's never calm. He's always wound up, and I have the knack for making him un-wind."

"I don't know why you insist that Kevin's got it in for you. He doesn't, you know."

"No, I know," Nick answered with a smile. "We're cool. We just need time away from one another sometimes, that's all. So he can stop being my big brother and I can stop being his little brother an' all."

She shook her head slowly. "Now that will never happen. No. He's going to worry about you for the rest of your lives, flirt."

"See?" Nick nodded and lifted a hand towards her with a laugh. "And you wanted to know why I didn't want to go with y'all? He'd have spent the whole time wondering if I was gonna get kicked in the head by a horse or fall off a cliff or something. And if I stayed inside and played video games, he'd have complained that I wasn't doing anything." Jana laughed as she shook her head. "You know I'm right!"

"I do," she admitted, leaning forward slightly. "But between the two of us? I think he secretly likes overseeing you all."

"Yeah, well," Nick looked around and lifted an eyebrow at her, "secretly, I think we kinda feel a bit better knowing he is. God knows how much we'd fuck it up if we had to do it."

"Oh, come on," she scoffed.

"Well, Brian and Howie could take up the slack, but...nah...Kev's better at keeping it all together. This way I can stay my young and cheerful self." He grinned broadly, tilting his head from side to side as he sat up straighter. "Kev keeps me young."

"And you'll do your best to make him gray before he's thirty-five?" she laughed.

"I'll do my best."

"He's right," she said with a firm nod. "You are a punk-ass."

~

"I so didn't miss this bus!" Kevin hollered as they boarded after the show, throwing his towel across the length of the bus. He flopped himself down as Jana giggled at him, sitting next to him with an amused grin. "Oh, stop," he grumbled with a smile. "We've got fourteen friggin' hours on this damn thing, I'm allowed to whine."

"You could be like all the other pop stars in the world and, oh, I don't know, fly?"

"You think that would be easy with this group?" Kevin scoffed. "Cheaper?"

"Sue me, I know nothing about band travel," she replied dryly. "I do know, however, you're not too bad off, considering your bus has more amenities than my entire apartment, so quit your bitchin'."

Kevin scrunched his nose and shook his head at her before sticking his tongue out. "I'm just sayin'…"

"Whine, whine, whine, whine, whine," she teased with a giggle as the bus lurched forward slowly. "Fourteen hours alone with your girlfriend. I don't know what you'll do when we have to live together and you might have to see me for an entire weekend or something."

He scrunched himself up and groaned into the cushions distastefully. "Ew, a whole weekend?" he asked. "Do I have to?"

"Be nice, or I'll write that exposé!" she threatened, lifting her eyebrows and wagging a finger at him. He playfully tried to bite it before she lightly smacked his shoulder. "Come on, Nick taught me some tricks on the PlayStation. Let me try to kick your butt."

"When did Nick have time to teach you anything?" he asked, sitting up.

"While you were being sunshine and flowers to the media this afternoon and I was hiding in the maze. Right after we did the eight-legged wild thang." He turned and lifted an eyebrow at her, and she continued. "Well, Howie and AJ joined in so we would have eight legs to do the wild thang. Brian opted out, but he did spin the dial for us," she said in a matter of fact tone.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he laughed in confusion.

"We played that Backstreet Twister game you all got," she said. "AJ decided it was called the Eight Legged Wild Thang at some point. When they were called off, Nick showed me some of his tricks, if you know what I mean." She nudged Kevin playfully with a wink. "He's got quite a few tricks. Nudge-nudge-wink-wink."

"How about a movie instead?" he asked slowly. "I don't think I want to know what kind of tricks you learned."

"Kevy, dear," she grinned, "we have fourteen hours to waste. I'm sure we'll get to them."

"Little punk-ass," Kevin grumbled.

"Hey, go easy on him for a while, would you?" she said, poking his arm. "He misses Rachel."

Kevin lifted an eyebrow and dropped his chin. "Jan, he always misses Rachel. If he wants this, he's gonna have to learn to deal."

"Kevy, dear," she said sweetly, "not everyone has the ability you have to plow through life. He's just a kid."

"He's not a kid, and I don't plow through life!" he protested. "He's twenty-one going on fifteen - on a good day -- with a girlfriend that's making headlines for her own talent and not riding the Backstreet name. And as much as we would all like to spend whatever time we want with the people we want, sometimes it's just not possible and we have to be adults about it."

"Kevin," she said, "he's been an adult about it since he was thirteen. Give him a break! What were you doing when you were thirteen? Touring Europe? Trailing a bodyguard? Having massive mobs of girls screaming your name - for real and not in some play?"

"Oh, yeah, poor little Nicky," Kevin said, widening his eyes in sarcasm.

"I'm just saying…"

"Little Nicky needs to get over it," he said in a matter of fact tone.

"God, Kevin!" She shook her head at him in wonder. "Don't you see it?"

"See what?"

"He admires you. Don't you see that? You took on the role of big brother to him, and he responds to you like one. You all have been more constant in his life than his own family. He sees you and how you do things and I really think he wants to be like that - but it's not in him. It's so not in him. He didn't have the luxury of an idyllic youth like you did, so he's learning by proxy, and I really think he tries so hard but doesn't have the background to understand what he's supposed to do like you do. Give him a break, Kevin. I really think he's in love for the first time in his life, and he doesn't have a clue how he's supposed to handle it."

"And you think any of us did?" Kevin asked.

"And you didn't have two older brothers to watch and learn from? Talk to?" she countered. "I think you spend so much time answering questions you don't pay attention to the answers you're giving or they're giving. And I think sometimes, they're a lot more truthful than you'd like to admit."

"What answers to what questions?"

"You want to be able to let go like he does," she said pointedly. "You want to be able to get away with being irresponsible and cute, and he wants to have your power and your drive to get things done." He watched her a moment. "You know I'm right or you'd have some kind of answer for me."

"Sometimes, that might be true."

"You wanted to play the Eight Legged Wild Thang with us this afternoon instead of having to pass by the room and continue giving your interview," she said, lifting an eyebrow at him. "I know you passed by. I saw you. We were all slacking off and laughing and having a good time and you were taking care of Backstreet."

"How did this conversation get so serious?" he asked, dropping back against the couch.

"You were being stubborn," she answered, folding her arms. "I asked you to give Nick a break."

"I'll give Nick a break," he consented, lifting his hands up in defeat. "Can you stop badgering me about him now?"

"Just taking care of him," she said with a smile. "He needs it sometimes too."

"Darlin, he needs it all the time. You haven't been around long enough. He's still got you thinking he's cute and that he's picked on."

"Just by you," she said. "The rest of them baby him enough."

"I don't baby any of them." He intertwined his fingers beneath his head and rested back.

"That might be the problem."

"The problem? Letting them be responsible for their own actions? I don't think that's a big problem, Jan. I think it's pretty much something everyone needs to figure out."

"Again, let's try to remember that not all of them have had an idyllic childhood, Kevin," she said. "Some of them don't know how to cope outside of this little bubble you're living in. AJ and Nick more so than anyone else, although I think you're all victims of it to some degree."

"Victims?" he asked, almost scoffing. "We're not victims. We're coping with what's happening in our lives. We don't create the frenzy, we just respond to it."

"And that is what makes you victims," she said with a broad nod. "Because you have to respond in a way that normal people don't have to live. Never being seen in public without a ball cap and sunglasses when you don't want to be recognized. Not being able to go out…"

Kevin lifted a finger. "That's not true," he countered. "I make a point of still doing those things as much as possible without some kind of entourage."

"Because you know what it's like to be able to do that," she said. "Nick and AJ don't. They've never had the chance, remember? How are they supposed to react like some regular Joe when they've never been a regular Joe? And the only 'regular Joe' they know and that they can actually relate to is you. And I have news for ya, you're not so regular Joe anymore."

"Well…who asked you?" he said awkwardly.

"No one," she said. "I'm just trying to let you know some of the things I observed, that's all."

"And everything you observed comes down on my shoulders?" he asked. "When do the others take on the responsibilities for themselves?"

"They do," she said. "I'm just saying that like it or not, you're more likely the one they look up to over anyone else because you put yourself in that position."

"I didn't," he contested. "Lou did. Lou put me in that position and I did it because that's what he asked me to do, and I did whatever he asked of me." She lifted an eyebrow and shook her head slowly. "No, what? That is how it all started."

"Maybe that's how it all started, but you started taking care of them, and no one had to tell you to do it after awhile," she said knowingly. "You took one look at that motley crew around you, wandering around, playing basketball and trying to figure out how to get out of the way of their own feet, and like a big 'ol momma duck, you stepped right in, and they fell in line and followed you. Don't even try to tell me Lou put you up to it." She rolled her eyes at him and shook her head. "Please."

"A momma duck?" he questioned, leaning up on his elbows. "A momma duck?"

"Tell me," she said, "that at one point of your careers you couldn't raise your voice, get their attention and they'd fall in line." He tilted his head, wrinkling his upper lip slightly. "That at some point, you didn't raise your voice and every one of them would look at you?" she asked again. He tilted his head in the other direction, and she leaned closer to him with a smirk. "Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack…"

"That don't mean they listen to anything I have to say anymore," he said wisely. "Might have worked when I was bigger than they were, but those days are long over."

"That doesn't mean that they still don't look at you in the same capacity though."

"No pressure, right?" he asked ironically.

"No, there is no pressure," she said. "But there is a history, and you're ingrained in their consciousness whether or not you like it, baby. Out of all of them, I think Nick, yes, Nick," she emphasized with a lift of her eyebrows when he scoffed, "looks up to you more than any of the others. Probably because you have had a life he has no concept of."

"He doesn't really care about a life he's not had."

"Kevin! Haven't you ever noticed that whenever he meets someone 'normal,' all he does is ask questions about that? He didn't have football games, or proms or girlfriends or biology classes…he's talked about missing those things. Didn't you ever hear that?"

"When he was sixteen," Kevin said. "He's over it by now."

"He's not over it by now," she said. "And now? He's in love with Rachel and doesn't have a single idea how to handle it, and all you've done is sit back and tell him he can't. How about sitting back and asking how he's handling it?"

"He's whining and pouting and grumpy..."

"You've not listened to a single thing I've said, have you?" she groaned, slapping him in playful frustration.

"I just like watching you get all defensive," he laughed, grabbing her wrists. "What'd you tell him about me?"

"About you?"

"You're going on and on about defending the punk-ass, what'd you tell the punk-ass about me?"

"That you didn't have it in for him."

"So, you defended him against me on his behalf?"

"Hello? Did I just have a conversation with myself? I didn't have to explain you to him because he already looks up to you and thinks he can't live up to your expectations."

"He doesn't have to live up to anything," Kevin said. "Well, not really...but he's… He's Nick. He's just…Nick. He's fine."

"Tell him that sometime," she said, kissing him quickly. "Sometimes he needs to hear that."

~

Jana put the receiver down and headed back to the bedroom. Kevin hadn't moved at all. He was still stretched on his side, cheek on the mattress with a hand curling over his head, dead to the world. Their flight had gotten them in late, and there was a full day of press scheduled which only left six hours for sleep and Kevin's six hours were up.

She went to the foot of the bed and started climbing over his legs, running her hand up his thigh, torso and down his arm, gently whispering his name as she bent down and kissed his cheek. "Kevy, it's time to get up now, baby." She smoothed her hand over his head and kissed him again, but all he did was nuzzle further into the mattress and pillow with barely a moan. "Come on, Kevin," she said gently. "Really, you have to get up."

This time he rolled onto his back and wrapped his arms around her before rolling onto his side. He kept his arm around her waist and draped a leg around her, nuzzling his chin into her neck tiredly, still not opening his eyes or saying a word, merely sighing comfortably against her. "Snuggling with me isn't going to change the time, baby," she giggled, running a hand over his arm softly. "You still need to get up even if I think this is the cutest damn thing I've seen you do in a long time."

"It can't be time," he mumbled against her, not moving in the slightest. "I just closed my eyes a minute ago."

"A minute, plus fifty-nine others, plus five hours, yeah," she told him, rolling onto her back. He snuggled in closer, laying his head in the crook of her neck and shoulder, curling around her more closely. "And, God, you're adorable, but you have to get up and be Mr. Backstreet, baby." She ran her fingers along his bare shoulder and over his arm. "Kev?" He grumbled into her neck without making any sense. "I have caffeine on its way," she said enticingly.

"En-a-i-v," he mumbled, still unmoving.

"And a what?" she giggled.

"IV," he muttered, rolling onto his back, draping an arm over his eyes. "To get it into my system quicker." He yawned, barely stretching. "Fuuuuuuck," he sighed. Jana shifted, putting her head on his stomach. His hand dropped to her hair, and she could hear him yawn again. "Someone needs to die for this schedule," he said flatly.

"Once you get some coffee in you and shower, you'll feel better," she encouraged, turning her head to look at him. She ran her finger along the fresh stubble on his jaw line gently and smiled to him. "I did order coffee," she repeated.

"You're an angel on earth," he said, finally blinking his eyes open to smile at her. "And beautiful in the morning."

"You can flatter me all you want, but you still have to get up," she teased, lowering her hand to rub his chest gently. "Not my rules."

"Soon as the coffee's here," he said, closing his eyes again, drifting right back to sleep with his hand still entwined in her hair. She felt so sorry for him as she gently rubbed his chest and watched him sleep. She knew the second he needed to, he'd be alert and courteous, answering the questions thrown at them with his usual lackadaisical charm and politeness, but even she couldn't figure out how he got motivated anymore. The excitement had to have worn thin by this point.

She pulled away and answered the knock on the door, knowing it was room service. After fixing a cup of coffee, she brought it into the bedroom, set it on the nightstand and sat back down on the bed, smoothing her fingers along his temples gently. "Come on, Kev," she said softly. "Coffee's right here. It's time to get up now."

"'Kay," he mumbled, sounding a bit more awake than the last time she'd tried to wake him. Maybe he was more resigned to waking up, she considered, watching him take a deep breath and pull himself up to a sitting position. He looked to the nightstand, and she handed him the coffee, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Thanks."

"You gonna stay awake this time?" she teased.

He sipped the coffee and closed his eyes briefly. "Yeah." There was no enthusiasm in his voice at all. "You coming?"

"No, I'll be at the show, but I'm going to head out today."

"Head out where? Should Carlos come back?" He hadn't even lifted his head off the headboard yet, just barely keeping his eyes focused on her.

She shook her head with a smirk. "No, I'll be fine. They don't care about me when you're in town."

"What're you going to do?"

"Shop, probably. I'm meeting Shannon in the lobby about ten." He nodded, taking another deep breath. "You'd better get in the shower if you want to be on time."

"On time went out the window when we were told six hours," he said plainly. "We're all going to be trailing behind today, but yeah, you're right." He attempted to get out of the bed, kissing her quickly before standing up and heading out of the room with his coffee.

She waited until she heard the shower turn on and went to tap on the bathroom door. She heard a muffled 'mmm', taking that to mean it was okay to enter. The mirror was already fogged with steam, and she stuck her head through the curtain. "Need help washing your back or something?"

He lifted his head out of the stream of water and smiled, flicking water from his fingers at her. "Should I take that as a no?"

"The water's about to get ice cold in about two seconds," he said. "I don't think you'll want to be in here for that, or people might get scared about what I'm doing to you."

"Cold showers, Kevin? I think I'm insulted."

"Oh, baby..." He shook his head, "nothing personal. I just need to get the blood flowing, and if I let myself ravish you, I'll lose whatever energy I have and never make it out of the room." He turned, and she could feel the steam leave as the water turned cold. He stuck his head under the stream and shook his head, the ends of his hair flicking cold streams until he stepped back and turned the water completely off.

"You're insane," she commented as she handed him a towel.

"Wakes ya up, though," he said, patting his shoulders and chest dry with the end of the towel before draping it across his back and down his legs. He pushed the curtain aside and stepped out, wrapping the towel around his waist, and swiped a hand across the condensation on the mirror, leaning in close. "They're gonna have a lot of work to do today."

"Who?" she asked, trying to see what he was commenting on.

"Make-up," he answered, taking a washcloth from the towel rack and wiping the mirror down more thoroughly before digging through his shaving kit. "Red eyes, bags, blemishes," he muttered, glancing back into the mirror. "Dang, I'm thirty."

"Looking damn fine at thirty from where I'm standing," she said, poising herself against the counter. "I don't offer to wash just anyone's back, you know."

He chuckled and leaned over, kissing her quickly. "Thanks, baby." He looked back to the mirror and started shaving. "You're just going to stand there and watch? It ain't all that, I assure you."

"What else am I going to do? Watch some morning show?" she asked. "I'm not going to see you for the rest of the day."

"Mmm, true," he nodded, watching his reflection and lifting his chin up slightly. "What time are you going to the venue?"

"Shannon's got to be there about three, I think," she said. "I'll go over with her."

"I'll try to get a break. Maybe get a coffee break before they drag me off again."

"How much do you have scheduled?"

"A lot," he answered. "West coast; couple of TV things, some print, newspapers mostly, a few magazines and an internet thing of some sort. It's a full schedule." He turned the razor off and leaned in towards the mirror again, checking for spots he may have missed. She moved, coming up to stand behind him and wrap her arms around his waist, lifting her chin up to his shoulder. He smiled at her in the mirror and leaned back slightly. "Why are you so awake anyway?"

"I haven't had your schedule," she said. "I slept on the plane coming in while you were going over press details with everyone."

"That's where the snoring was coming from!" he teased, winking to her in the mirror as she slapped his shoulder playfully. He turned and wrapped his arms around her waist, leaning down to kiss her warmly. "Good morning," he said deeply, dropping his forehead against hers.

Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 10
Page 40 | Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43

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Read the companion story:
Oreos for Breakfast (Nick Fanfic)
by The Pumpkin Coach & Paperbag Princess

c. 2001, 2002 by Coriander
Some content not suitable for children. You have been warned.