Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 12
Page 47 | Page 48  |  Page 49 | Page 50 

The VIP lounge was busy with dancers, band members, tour arrangers and the rest of the group. Although no one was looking forward to a seventeen-hour flight to Japan, the room was noisy with chatter and laughter, and it was obvious that everyone had managed to re-charge their enthusiasm over the break. Kevin leaned back and pulled the ringing cell phone from his pocket, noted the number, and answered easily.

His face soon fell and the light atmosphere around him became loud and irritating as he listened to the voice on the other end of the phone. "You're what?" he barked into the phone, unaware of how loud he actually was. Loud enough to make people turn and look at him as their sentences trailed off into silence. "You've got to be fucking kidding me!" He stood and moved closer to a corner near the door, looking around to glare at anyone who might be watching, and then he lowered his voice as he turned his back to the room. "Slow down…" Conversations soon started back up around him as he stared at the wall in front of him, clenching his jaw and his fist with a burning desire to lash out against the picture of a plane flying through perfect skies. "I'm telling you right-fucking-now, you're not gonna pull this crap again," he said, his voice threatening and deep with warning. "I swear to you…"

He clicked the phone off and tossed it, a bit harder than expected, against the chair he'd been sitting in next to Brian and pushed the door open of the lounge. Carlos attempted to call after him with a "Kev, you can't…" but Kevin was already through the doors, and Carlos rushed after him. Brian stuck the phone into Kevin's flight bag and stood up to head out after them.


When he found Kevin in the men's room of the VIP lounge, the doors were still slamming against themselves, and Kevin faced the far tiled wall. He was slamming the heel of his palm into the white tiles, cursing to himself wildly and Brian could see the anger on Kevin's face in the mirrors over the sinks. Brian looked to Carlos curiously, but Carlos merely shrugged in bewilderment and went to stand guard outside the door.

"Kev?" Brian ventured timidly, knowing not to get too close when Kevin was having a tantrum.

Kevin turned around, glaring furiously, and hit the door of a stall next to him. "God fucking damn it!" he screamed, hitting it again as it started swinging closed. "God fucking damn it!" he yelled again.

Brian moved to rest against the sink's basin, placing his hands down on the edge and watched as Kevin exploded a few more times, and only when he saw Kevin turn to him, helpless with anger, did he dare to speak. "What? Who called?"

"Fucking Kristin!" he yelled. "I've been fucking home for a Goddamn week and she decides to call me now before I get on a Goddamn plane to tell me she thinks she's fucking pregnant!" He pushed at another stall door and slammed his hand into the tiles again. "God fucking damn it!"

"She thinks?" Brian questioned, lifting his eyebrows.

Kevin turned around as he shook his head. "She's gonna to do it again, Brian. She's gonna to do it to me again and I won't…" He clenched his jaw tightly and closed his eyes, still shaking his head. "I won't fucking let it happen again. I just…I won't!"

"What if she really is though?" Brian asked. All Kevin did was look back at him angrily and clench his hands into fists before he hit the stall door again. "Kevin, now, you're gonna hurt yourself…"

"I'm gonna hurt someone else if I don't," Kevin bickered, kicking the stall door instead. "I can't…how could…Goddamn it!"

"Well, maybe you should stop having sex with her," Brian said calmly, in spite of the glare he received. "Not all of us were asleep on the plane, Kev."

"Nothing happened on the plane!"

"Kev…" Brian said in a reprimanding tone, tilting his head to the side knowingly.

"Nothing that would have gotten her pregnant happened on the plane, okay?"

"But you did sleep with her."

"In New York," Kevin grumbled. "And I don't even know why I did it, for Christ's sake!"

"All the more reason to stop doing it."

"I don't need the comments, Brian," he snapped furiously. "I already fucking know, okay?"

"Well, beating up the bathroom isn't going to change anything," Brian replied. "And screaming like this in a men's room at LAX isn't going to keep it secret either. And there've been plenty of times when you've told us to calm the fuck down, so I'm telling you…calm the fuck down."

Brian had an irritating way of being calm in the biggest explosions and just the way he stayed looking relaxed, speaking in an easy tone, made everything he said more irritating -- mainly because Brian was right. Kevin knew it. He shouldn't be doing any of this. He had no idea who was around, listening, and raising his voice wasn't making it difficult for anyone to overhear. But he could feel the anger shaking his body, making his jaw and fists clench as furiously as his heart raced. It was either explode or trash a helpless stall door in the men's room.

"It's so fucking easy for you to say, isn't it?" he asked snidely, narrowing his eyes in fury. "You've never screwed up, eh, Brian?"

"I'm not saying I haven't," Brian answered calmly. "I've just never screwed around. For this reason right here."

"Fuck you," Kevin hissed, pointing at Brian directly. "Just fuck you!" He turned around and hit his hand into the tiles again before turning back to Brian and pointing to the door. "If you're gonna sit here and give me a lecture about morals, get the hell out and leave me alone!"

"I'm not." Brian shook his head, lifting his hands up to Kevin. "Sorry…" He leaned back on the basin and looked at Kevin, who had begun to pace. "So, what're you gonna do?"

Kevin turned his head to the side to look at him, pacing still. "I haven't the slightest clue," he sighed miserably. "I don't even fucking believe her, Brian! But it would be just my luck that this time she would be. Jana and I screwing around as much as we have and she's not pregnant yet - and we were basically trying! The one time I screw around with Kristin and she is? Yeah, that's fucking warped enough to be real." He placed his hands on either side of his head and stared down to the tiles on the floor in disbelief. "Dear God, Brian," he said, his voice shaking, "what the hell would I do? What the hell am I going to do?" He looked over to Brian with wide, incredulous eyes, dropping his hands to his sides. "What the hell am I going to do?"

"Stop beating stuff up so you don't break a bone or something," Brian advised, "and consider your options. What are your options?"

Kevin merely blinked at him and shook his head slowly, slumping his back against the wall and sliding down to crouch against it with his hands between his legs. "What are my options?" he repeated with a shrug. "Stay married and have a baby. That's really the only one, isn't it?"

"Is it?" Brian asked with a lift of his shoulder.

"Well…yeah, I mean…I guess," Kevin sighed, lifting his elbows to his knees and resting his forehead against his hands. "Maybe. I don't know. I don't know if she'd…or I'd even want her to… Fuck," he said bitingly. "I don't know." He looked over to Brian, completely lost.

"Then, I suggest you start there," Brian said gently. "And we're going to be boarding soon, so we need to get back."

"Goddamn it," Kevin muttered. "I so did not need this right now."

~

Kevin closed the door behind him, feeling more of an effect from the saki than he'd felt previously. Maybe it was the kiss intoxicating him. He couldn't be sure of anything except the guilt beginning to settle in his chest. What was he thinking? It was just supposed to be a flirtation. She was just a crush, wasn't she? That's all it was supposed to be! What was he thinking?

He sat down in the suite room after grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and forced back most of it in one go. He'd need a lot more to fend off this hangover, but no amount of liquid was going to fend off the guilt. What was he thinking? Why did he kiss her? How could he have kissed her? She was married, but, unlike him, she was happily married. Had a baby with the 'Other Alex James.' He'd had no right to do that…but she had responded. She had kissed him back. Not that it meant there was a hope for either of them actually getting together, but she did kiss him back and for that brief moment, it'd been good. It'd been very good until their senses came rushing back to them.

He'd forget about it, that's all. It was just a kiss. It wasn't anything more. Just a stupid, drunken kiss that meant nothing other than appreciation, a flirtation more than anything else. He finished the bottled water and grabbed another, heading into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, attempting to find some aspirin for the morning. He was drunk, no way around it, so he chugged the second bottle of water and decided to take the third with him back to the bedroom.

When he opened the door, he realized there was someone in the bed. He could see their shape beneath the blankets, but they didn't stir at all when he switched on the light. God, not a dead body, he panicked, but as he stepped closer, he recognized the hair and stopped with the air catching in his throat.

"Jana?" he asked in disbelief.

Her fingers curled slightly, but she didn't seem to wake up at all.

He turned the light off and headed back into the suite room, leaving the bottle of water on the coffee table and taking out one of the small liquor bottles instead. It was down the hatch before he even dropped onto the couch. Holy fuck. His mind raced, thoughts of the what if's speeding through it. What if it had gone further? What if Em had gone through with his pass? What if they'd walked into the bedroom? What if Jana had come out and seen them? Holy fuck!

He stood up and went back to the doorway, looking again to the bed, almost hoping it was an overactive, drunken imagination, but she was still there, lying in his bed. He could see her bare shoulders peeking out from the top of the blankets as she slept peacefully, waiting for him to come back to his room. How long had she been there? Was he supposed to have met her somewhere? Had they planned this visit?

That was when he remembered his phone ringing during dinner, and he picked the cell out of his pocket and turned it on, listening to the message waiting for him. Jana. Fuck. 'I took you up on your offer, Kev and picked up the ticket. I'm in the airport now and should be at your hotel in about an hour, I think. I know you're busy, but I figured I'd come and be your own personal groupie for a few days. Love you! See you soon!'

She'd been here all this time while he was out having dinner and hitting on a happily married crush. His heart sank, and he slumped over onto the couch with an overwhelming urge to cry. That was the alcohol, wasn't it? If he wasn't half crocked, would he still have the urge to cry? If he wasn't half crocked, would he still have made a pass at Em?

He hadn't even made the promise to love, honor and respect Jana, but he'd somehow managed to break that promise to her anyway, didn't he? Twice now. Just like he'd done with Kristin after actually saying those words to her in front of family and friends. Jana was asleep in the other room, content and happy, flying hours to come see him and sacrificing her own time to be with him, and what had he done to deserve it? She'd slept peacefully, trusting that he'd come back here to her and be happy to see her, and what had he done?

Dear God, what had he done?

"Kevin?" Jana stood squinting in the light in the doorway, tying the hotel robe around her waist. He turned with panic all over his face, alarming her immediately. "Kev? What's wrong?"

Too late. She'd seen it. She saw the guilt and the panic. "Hi," he said quickly. Too quickly. Drunk.

"Is everything all right?" she asked, coming over towards him with concern on her face. She came around the side of the couch as his brain screamed 'Don't be nice to me! Don't sit next to me!' But she didn't hear it, and she sat down to face him, running her hands through his hair gently. "What's wrong?"

"Oh fuck," he sighed, pulling away from her.

"Kevin, what?" she asked, her face freezing in fear. "What's wrong?"

"I kissed Em," he blurted out angrily, standing up and moving away from her, but she remained frozen, her hands dropping to her lap as she looked at the carpet. "I'm so sorry, Jana! Oh, dear God, I am so sorry! I didn't mean…"

"Don't!" she interrupted, lifting her palm up to him. "Not another word, Kevin," she said firmly, trying to catch her breath. He hadn't just kicked her in the stomach, it only just felt that way, didn't it?

"No, but, Jan…"

"I mean it," she snapped, glaring up to his guilty, wounded expression. "Not another fucking word!"

"I'm sorry!" he protested, dropping to the chair next to him. Fucking alcohol. The room was spinning now. Shouldn't have taken that last drink.

She stood up and carefully headed back to the bedroom as he sat there, unsure of whether or not to follow. The light switched on, and he could hear her moving around, but his legs wouldn't lift him up from the chair to find out what she was doing. Probably because he knew what she was doing. She was leaving.

She came out a few minutes later, dressed, with her suitcase and headed towards the door. He didn't even stand up. All he could do was put his forehead into his palm and say, "Jana, please?"

"Not another word," she directed angrily. "Not another word from you."

He lifted his head and forced himself to stand, pleading to her with his expression. "Please, Jana."

"Fuck you," she spat, heading out the door and slamming it behind her.

~

Jana looked both ways down the hallway, completely confused as to where she was supposed to go. Her body begged to go back to sleep, disoriented by the time difference, and the four hours she had slept didn't seem to have made any difference. Now she needed to figure out what she was supposed to do and where she was supposed to go through a haze of confusion, hurt, disappointment, and most of all, fury. She headed down the hallway, finding Frank standing by the elevators.

"I need someplace to stay," she announced, swinging her bag up her shoulder a bit higher. Frank began to speak, but she held her hand up. "Not with Kevin."

He nodded and looked down the hallway as he pulled a key from his pocket. "Here darlin', I've got night duty. My room's free."

"I didn't mean…" she started, shaking her head in refusal.

Frank shook his head and took her hand, placing the key in her palm. "I'm not gonna need the room until at least 6. By then, your jet lag should kick in. Take the room, darlin'."

She wrapped her arms around him and sighed a grateful 'thank you' before heading down to his room. The most surprising thing, she noticed, was that she was more furious than hurt or upset. The tears in her eyes weren't from sadness, but confused anger. Yeah, sure, he was drunk, but he wasn't that drunk. He'd been aware enough to blurt out a confession, and if that wasn't an admittance of guilt…

He'd kissed the infamous Em -- the one that all the boys raved about in some fashion or other. The great photographer, the hot photographer, the one Kevin has a crush on…the married Em; Em with the cutest baby in the world; Em with the cutest little accent, Em with the fabulous gray eyes.

What was Picture Perfect Em doing kissing Kevin anyway?

She dropped her bag and just slid out of her jeans, not bothering to get fully undressed this time. Knowing she was too tired to think rationally, she refused to let herself think about anything at all. Her head was screaming for her to get on the next plane back to America, but her heart was fighting it, telling her 'it was just a kiss,' and the rest of her body was craving sleep like an addict in withdrawal. She gave in to the addict, dropped her head down on the pillow without even turning off the light and was immediately asleep.

~

She heard her name and looked across the dining room where Nick and Rachel were staring at her in disbelief. Nick stood and hugged her as she made her way over to the table, followed by Rachel, and then she could finally sink into the chair across from Nick. "What are you doing here?" he asked excitedly. "Does Kev know you're here?"

Jana smirked ruefully and closed her eyes for a second. "Yeah, he knows, not that it really matters when he's out sucking face with the great Em."

"When he's what?" Nick asked, his eyes bugging out of his face.

"With who?" Rachel asked in her own shock.

"Whatever." Jana just answered with an angry shake of her head and waving a hand in front of her.

"Kevin kissed Em?" Rachel asked, trying to understand. "Are you sure?"

"That's what he told me," Jana answered with a shrug. "Just what a girl wants to hear after literally flying around the world to surprise her boyfriend, isn't it?" She looked over to Nick, still blinking at her in shock. "Please, Nick, it really shouldn't be such a surprise to you at least."

"No, it is," Nick answered, trying to arrange the thoughts in his head by shaking it quickly. "I mean, not that…well, yeah, that he'd kiss someone…but not really…Em?"

"Geez, enough about the innocent, perfect Em. Please!" Jana sighed angrily. "Apparently she's not all that innocent if she's married and kissing other men."

"No, Jana," Rachel said, her voice gentle as she turned to look at her, "Em is so not like that."

"Uh, apparently, she is," Jana replied. "Unless there's more than one Em in the hotel that Kevin knows."

"Doubt it," Nick answered, biting his bottom lip and furrowing his eyebrows. "I just can't believe…after all this time?" He looked at Rachel and shook his head.

"All this time?" Jana asked, catching the glance.

"Kev's had something for Em for years," Nick explained. "We always tease him about it because he gets all…weird around her. They've been friends, and they flirt an' all, but it's never… He's never kissed her before. It's always just sort of been like, flirting. Nothing serious."

"A kiss isn't really serious," Jana said, "and I already knew about the crush. But…never mind. It's just yet another sign that I probably shouldn't trust Kevin when he's out of my sight for more than an hour."

"Jana, really," Nick protested, "I don't think he meant anything by it. Not with Em. Not really."

"Let me try to believe that," Jana said sarcastically and paused, looking up to the ceiling and biting her lips together for a moment. "Nope, not buying it," she announced looking back to Nick. "Fuck it. Did you order breakfast yet?"

"Did he tell you how it happened? What happened?" Rachel asked.

Jana shook her head. "Didn't stick around for the intimate details. He told me he kissed her, and before I could even get into it, I just left. I wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk about it, and he was well beyond too drunk to talk about it. I just left."

"Jana, look," Rachel started, "I know you don't want to believe it, but I know Em. I've known her for years, and this is nothing like her. Something had to have happened. She wouldn't do something like that to anyone. She'll be horrified when she finds out Kevin was out with her while you were here. She just wouldn't do that to anyone purposefully."

"What should I expect?" Jana asked honestly. "It's not like Kevin and I got together under any better circumstances."

"I don't think you understand Em," Nick said with a slow shake of his head. "Like, the friendship they have. It's just not like them. I never thought it was really anything that serious on her part. Like they flirted with each other because they knew it was safe? You know, kind of like…well, us."

"And you'll note that my tongue never found its way down your throat," Jana said distinctly.

"You haven't had a crush on me for five or six years either."

"For how long?" she asked, widening her eyes. A crush was one thing, but a long term crush?

"That's what I've been trying to tell you," Nick said. "This thing with Em is really old."

"And it's not like Em to do this," Rachel added. "I swear. Something more happened."

"Oh, I plan on finding out what happened, don't worry," Jana said firmly. "I did not come all this way on his request to turn around and leave. I'm just not going to be as excited to be here as I originally was." She stood up and smiled to them. "I'm going to see what's at the buffet," she said and headed across the dining room. Rachel's eyes widened suddenly and Nick looked in the other direction of the dining room as Em made her way around the tables to them.

Smiling painfully and placing her hand to her forehead, she sat in the chair next to Nick with a heavy breath. "Ugh," she groaned. "I had the most bizarre night. I so need to talk to you, Rache."

"We know," Rachel told her, lowering her voice for some reason. "Jana knows, too. She's here."

"Jana is here?" Em asked, sitting up straighter and widening her eyes. "Shit! She so hates me right now, doesn't she?"

"Um…" Rachel started, but it was too late. Jana was already heading back to the table. She put a plate down, but didn't sit. Instead, she looked over to Em, her expression freezing in a mix of anger and disgust.

"You're Jana!" Em said, putting a hand against her chest and covering her mouth quickly with her other hand. "Oh my God, I am so sorry!" she followed immediately.

Jana could only look at her, unsure what to make of Em's horrified expression. Was she horrified because she was sorry, or horrified because Jana knew? Was she sorry because she kissed him, or sorry because they were found out? Jana didn't even know what to say to her, but did take the time to study her and try to see what was so special about the Picture Perfect Em Evesham. She hadn't spoken enough yet for the cute accent to be in evidence, but but even Jana couldn't deny that she was stunning; big, gray eyes, thick dark lashes, perfect little mouth and dressed, even in casual clothes, like she is the person she was.

"I so know you hate me," Em continued, getting up from her chair. "I don't blame you, but I swear nothing happened."

"Other than a kiss," Jana said numbly. Just like on Kevin's tour bus that first time. Just a fucking kiss.

"Well, a kiss, but it didn't mean anything. It just sort of happened, and neither of us really meant it for it to." Em looked to her with such sincerity. "I swear, it happened, and I…he…we both just ...totally freaked out about it." Jana looked to Rachel and Nick, trying to figure out if she should even believe Em, but neither of their expressions seemed to help. Her gut feeling said to believe, but her anger didn't want to. "Whatever I can do to make you believe me…" She shook her head slowly.

Jana shook her head and sat down heavily. "I believe you," she said dryly, taking her fork and pushing food around on her plate. She didn't even know why she'd taken anything. She wasn't hungry, but at least she had something to focus on other than her merciless mental comparison of herself to Em.

"Kev's all sorts of screwed up," Nick ventured, trying his best to help explain the situation. "I don't think it meant anything."

"And why is Kev all sorts of screwed up, Nick?" Jana asked pointedly, tilting her head slightly. "Who's to say that I'm not all sorts of screwed up either? Do you see me running around kissing other people? No, I'm screwed up because I jumped on a plane, flew seventeen hours to be here with him only to find out he's out kissing other women."

"But we didn't mean for it to happen," Em said guiltily.

"I didn't even know about you, beyond some crush that wasn't fully explained to me," Jana said, looking to Em. "I just now found out he's had some kind of on-going flirtation with you for how many years? He never mentioned it. I'm just starting to wonder what else he's not mentioning." She dropped the fork and stood up with a shake of her head. "Thanks for being honest with me," she told Em as she glanced around the table. "I'll talk to you later."

Birds In Your Garden: Chapter 12
Page 47 | Page 48  |  Page 49 | Page 50 

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Read the companion story:
Oreos for Breakfast (Nick Fanfic)
by The Pumpkin Coach & Paperbag Princess

c. 2001, 2002 by Coriander
Some content not suitable for children. You have been warned.