Birds In Your Garden - Chap. 13

'…If you were a king up there on your throne
Would you be wise enough to let me go
For this Queen you think you own
Wants to be a hunter again
I want to see the world alone again
To take a chance on life again
So let me go….let me leave….let me go….'

Jana reached over and turned the radio down, feeling her heart pound in her chest. It was stupid. This whole thing was stupid. Even as she signaled and made the turn down the winding, tree lined road, she knew it was stupid. What was she expecting to see? Kevin and Kristin standing in the front yard in the frigid cold displaying their love in front of her? What?

All she saw as she slowed down, passing the house, were lights on in the living room and cars parked in the driveway. Christmas lights lined the log cabin frame and the bushes along the front, blowing in the winter wind. That was all. Nothing else to see. She wouldn't even know his car if they'd hired a rental. Were they inside enjoying a cozy, family evening? Making plans for next year when it would be their baby's first Christmas?

She shook her head, blinking the tears out of her eyes and pressed down on the accelerator, forcing herself to drive on as she cursed herself. 'You're becoming one of those weird stalkers, Jana. History or not, you're stalking him. Go home. Just turn the car around, don't look back and go home. It's played itself out and you came up empty again. And for God's sake, get Dido out of your tape player!'

Tim sat across from Kevin at the dining room table, dropping the separation papers down and looked across the table with widened eyes at Kevin, who sat with his head against his hand. "Well, that clears that up, doesn't it, little bro?" Kevin sighed and closed his eyes. "Come on, talk to me. It's Tim, Kev. What?"

Kevin opened a palm up on the tabletop and shook his head against his palm. "I don't even know where to start."

"Where's to start, Kev? She's gone. She's right. You have everything you wanted."

"Then why do I feel so…" He shook his head, feeling his chest tighten with emotions he couldn't identify.

Tim slid the papers aside and dropped his chin into his palm, looking at his little brother, still trying to recognize the little kid he'd grown up with and protected for so many years. Across from him sat a grown man, facial hair, shoulders broad, successful, ambitious...broken and confused. 'Merry Christmas,' he thought ironically and shook his head. "What, Kev?"

"I wasn't expecting this," Kevin said, furrowing his forehead as he touched the papers. "Not like this."

"Who cares how it happened? It happened, right? It's what you wanted, right?" Tim asked curiously. "A few weeks ago you were saying this is what you wanted. Bound and determined to be free of Kristin? Right? We did understand all that correctly, didn't we?" Kevin nodded slowly without comment. "I can see how it's a shock and all, but it's what you wanted. Right?"

"It was different when I…" Kevin started, realizing how ridiculous he sounded.

"When you were the one having an affair?" Tim finished. Kevin nodded and sighed heavily, dropping his hand and lifting his head to blink at him. "What'd you expect, Kev?"

"I've spent the last few weeks making myself want…" Kevin said firmly. "And I completely jeopardized everything I had in order to do the right thing..." He looked back to Tim questioningly. "And I'm supposed to be happy now? Happy...now that I've convinced myself I was going to be a father? I didn't just lose my wife, Tim. I lost a wife and baby and Jana and jeopardized another friend's marriage, not to mention my friendship with her, and…" He exhaled heavily. "And I don't understand why I feel like I've just been sacked? I don't understand why I feel like I want to cry?"

"Oh, man, don't cry," Tim said teasingly. "I can't handle a grown man crying." All Kevin did was turn his head away. "Look," Tim said more seriously, "Kev, it's all coming at you at once, so you're bound to be shocked by it all. But it's all for the best, really, if you think about it."

"She played everything out, Tim!" Kevin said angrily, looking back to him. "She played every Goddamn hand to her advantage and left me with fucking nothing!"

"No, Kev!" Tim said with a slight smile. "She left you with everything because you have everything to gain back, again. You have it all to get back." Kevin just blinked at him. "Think about it, man. What's left to lose? You go to Jana and tell her it's done." He lifted the papers in front of Kevin's face. "You have proof. You make her see why you did what you did and make her see how serious you are. If that's what you really want, right? Start talking, Kev. Start talking to the people you need to explain things to and use that Richardson determination to get what you want. We don't lay down when we're on the losing end, do we?"

"Yay, team," Kevin said dryly, tilting his head slightly.

"What, you think I'm gonna sit here and let you think you've lost everything?" Tim asked ironically. "If you want that, you called the wrong brother. Jerry'd tell you it was nothing more than what you deserve, but I'm not Jerry." He watched as Kevin bit his lips together and looked away again. "Look, I know you're tired. You look tired. You sound tired. You've been on a roller coaster for months now, haven't you? It was bound to end, man. You've reached the end. Get off, steady your legs, go have a beer and get back in line." He kept his eyes intent on Kevin, waiting for him to look back at him. "I mean it, Kevin. It's a shock, sure. But think about it this way. All she did was flip the table. You were doing the same thing to her, weren't you?" That comment made Kevin look at him. "She just took control of the game. You've still got time on the clock."

Kevin dropped his forehead back into his palm and exhaled heavily. "Coach? Can I sit this quarter out, please?"

"Oh, my, he does still know how to answer his phone!" Em's voice came across the cell phone. "Imagine that!"

"Hey, Em," he said quietly, closing his eyes wearily. He just returned from seeing Jerry and his family off at the airport. It'd been tense and awkward, but somehow saying good-bye had only depressed him further. Tim had left the day before, and his mother was off having lunch with some ladies from the church. He'd found out Jana hadn't even stayed for Christmas, and she still wasn't answering his messages, and when he looked out the window, Kentucky was having yet another cold, dreary, gray winter day.

"That's it? 'Hey Em'?" she asked, shocked.

"Look, Em, please," he sighed, "hate me, or don't hate me…just…please don't let me know about it right now, okay?"

"Kev?" Her voice softened. "What? What's happened?" He paused, unsure of where to even begin. "Kevin? Really, what's going on?"

"I don't even know," he said, sighing again. "To be honest? I don't have a fucking clue."

"Oh, come on," she prompted, "I know you better than that. You sound awful."

"Do I?" he asked curiously.

"Tired, baby," she told him gently. "I called to find out what Japan was all about, but you sound worse than you did in Japan."

"How is everything?" he asked in concern. "I'm sorry about what happened, Em. I never should have…"

"It helped, Kevin," she interrupted. "It helped my marriage immensely. You have no idea."

He watched a stiff, bare branch attempt to sway in the breeze outside the window and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Well…good then. I think."

"Kevin, what is it already?"

He inhaled deeply in an attempt to get the words out, but just ended up sighing sadly. "It's a mess, Em. Everything's just a mess. Kris left. Jana won't talk to me. I put you in a really lousy position. My family is pissed off and confused. They don't know whether to feel sorry for me or be angry with me. Hell, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be."

"Kristin left? When?"

"Day after Christmas," he said. "She's pregnant."

"Oh my God, Kevin!"

"It's not mine," he added quickly, pausing for her to make the connection in her head.

"Oh my God, Kevin!" she repeated, her tone completely different this time.

"She told me she thought she was pregnant before I got on the flight to Japan," he continued.

"Well, that explains some of Japan, doesn't it?"

"If you say so," he said. "It made a mess of things. Now that all the damage has been done, I'm supposed to pick up the pieces somehow, and I don't even know where to start."

"You start by getting the hell out of Kentucky," she said. "Get away for awhile, Kevin. Come to London. Stay with me, and get yourself together."

He snickered and shook his head. "I don't think so, Em. I'm tired, yeah, but I don't have a death wish to be slaughtered by your Alex James."

"Listen to me, Kevin," she said, using that teacher-voice on him. "Alex and I are fine. Get your things together, get on a plane, and I will pick you up at Heathrow."

He had to smile. "You know no one can refuse you when you use that tone of voice."

"Why do you think I use it?" she asked. "Do what I said, and we will go over everything once you're here. Okay?" He hesitated for a moment, merely exhaling. "Kevin? Okay?"

Kevin sat in the living room with Em's daughter Lexa on one knee, and Salem's youngest child, Lindy on his other. Four more children sat in front of him; Salem and John Taylor's children, Amherst, Evan and Jt and John's child from his first marriage, Atlanta. He had them captivated with his every word and not one of them dared look away from his wide-eyed expressions.

"Well," he said, scanning the faces of his audience, "what do you think happened next to Brer Rabbit?" Each child answered 'I don't know' in unison and shook their heads. "There he was, all stickity-stuckity in the tar." He reached out and tickled Amherst and Evan. "He tried and he tried…and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't get un-stickity-stuckity."

"But he has to get away!" Amherst said, her own eyes wide in fear for the rabbit.

"He does?" Kevin asked her in mock surprise. "Do you think he gets away?" He looked over to Atlanta with a furrowed brow.

"Of course he does!" she answered, rolling her eyes.

"How does he do that?" Kevin asked, waiting for her to answer. All she did was shrug at him. "Well, if you said he gets away, how do you think he does it?" She only shrugged again.

"Tell us, Kevin!" Amherst whined, tugging at his pants.

"He does get away," he nodded broadly to them with a smile. "And I'll tell you how!"

Salem moved to lean on the counter next to Em and watch Kevin. "He's simply wonderful," she said in amazement.

"Isn't he, though?" Em agreed with a smile. "He really needs a child of his own."

"I can't believe he's managed to get all of them in the same room together and sit down quietly," Salem said in amazement.

"You need to see him work a hysterical crowd of raging hormones." Em shook her head. "He's a pro."

"He's really pretty," Salem giggled, nudging Em. "And so bloody soft spoken and sweet. I'm just not used to it anymore. After having Durans in my living room for weeks on end? He just doesn't fit the mold of a pop star. Sorry."

"He does," Em said with a smile. "He's just not a Duran. Or a Blur, or a Pulp or anything else remotely British. He's a Backstreet Boy. They're all just as sweet and darling as he is."

"And pretty? Did I mention he's pretty?" Salem chuckled. "Think he'd pose for a nude?"

"You could ask," Em said with a laugh. "I've tried for years to get that ass on film, but he's too damn modest."

"Maybe if we get him drunk?"

"I've seen him drunk," Em said with a nod. "I still haven't managed it."

"Hmm," Salem thought out loud. "We get him drunk, you lure him in with your charm and I'll sneak up from behind?"

"Sounds like a plan," Em laughed. "But first, we have to pry him away from the munchkins."

"Oh, please!" Salem waved her hand. "We're moms'! They have to listen to us."

"We're moms', but he's a Backstreet Boy. He knows Nick Carter."

"Mmm, point."

"You're drooling, Luv," Alex said, poking Salem's shoulder and sticking his head between Em and Salem. He kissed Em's cheek quickly and winked at Salem. "You're married, remember?"

"I'm an artist," Salem laughed, standing up. "I'm supposed to know how to appreciate beauty."

"Yeah, sure, Luv," Alex said doubtfully. "Kevin? Wine?"

"Um, yeah, thanks," Kevin said, looking up from the children.

"Yeah, wine!" Salem laughed. "Give him some wine. You don't mind if we attempt to get you drunk and take some pictures, do you?" she asked playfully.

"She's a professional artist, Kev," Em added with a nod. "Having Salem Kraft do your portrait is one of the highest compliments you can have."

"Well then," he smiled broadly, getting up from the floor to a chorus of disappointed groans, still holding on to the two youngest children, "I'm flattered, but not quite sold."

"More wine!" Salem cheered with a laugh. "He needs more wine!"

"Kevin, can't you tell us another one?" Amherst asked in her tiny British accent, stretching her neck back to look up at him.

"Ami," Salem said, "it's adult time now. Take you brother and sisters into the other room now, please?" She could hear Amherst sighed deeply and drop her chin, but did as she was told. "And you, Sir Backstreet!" She handed him a glass of wine. "You deserve a metal or something for that!"

"I had no idea you had such a talent for story-telling, Kevy!" Em said, heading over to the kitchen table.

He nodded as he took a sip of wine and smiled to them. "Disney, remember?" he asked. "It's been awhile since I've had to entertain little-little one's though." He sunk into a chair and smiled, putting his glass down.

"You've got new fans," Salem told him, also sitting. "Now we're going to have to attempt to tell a story the same way. Thanks," she laughed. "I don't know anything about Briar Rabbit, either!"

"Old Southern tale," he said with a playful wink. "Comes with the territory, I suppose. My pap-pap used to tell me and my brothers that one all the time."

"And what did you learn from it?" Em asked playfully.

"When the youngest member of your vocal group grows up to be bigger than you, you'd better be smarter than he is!" he laughed.

None of this made sense, not even to Kevin and he was the one sitting in the dimly lit living room in Em's house talking to her husband about Jana. How he got here was still a bit of a mystery, but how he got here, in this room with 'the Other Alex James' without the man breaking every limb in his body was more of a mystery.

He was sure it had something to do with the amount of alcohol they had. And alcohol on top of jet-lag can make one do the things one would never do. Talk about your lady problems with the person who's married to the woman you made a pass to? This had to be one for the books, didn't it? As he took another sip of the tequila from the glass, however, he noticed Alex shake the bangs out of his eyes and study Kevin's face a bit more closely.

"So, she's in New York, then?" Alex asked Kevin. Kevin nodded, swirling the rest of his drink around the glass before tilting his head back and draining it down his throat. "And you came to…London, then?" he continued.

"Never said it made sense," Kevin shrugged, feeling as if the armchair was absorbing him. "Besides, she's not talking to me."

Alex nodded in understanding slowly, giving him a sympathetic nod. "Hate when they do that." He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Like you can't figure out on your own that you fucked up, they just have to point out even more that they know you fucked up, too."

This time, Kevin nodded in understanding. "I'm tellin' ya, man, I have no idea what more I'm supposed to say to her to make her believe nothing happened… Or, well, that it didn't mean anything. Whatever it was that happened."

Alex wagged a finger at Kevin with a smirk. "You, my friend, had better learn to keep your hands to yourself and your dick in your trousers."

Kevin dropped his head back and exhaled heavily. "No shit."

"I'll tell ya what though," Alex said, dragging himself to sit up and lean forward, still wagging a finger at him, "when it's the right bird, that lesson ain't so hard to remember." Kevin lifted his head slightly to lift an eyebrow at him in doubt. "No! I mean it, man. It ain't as hard as you're thinking it is. It's all up here." He pointed to his temple. "When you find you're in some kind of situation, all you have to do is ask one simple question - what do you have that you're willing to lose for a fuck? That pretty much ends everything right there."

Kevin nodded, squinting at Alex in thought. Does it come down to one simple question? What had he been thinking when he was holding Kristin? What had he been thinking when his lips found Em's? Do the right thing. But somehow he hadn't done that.

"You don't believe me, do you?" Alex asked with a slight laugh and a nod, dropping back into the couch and setting his feet up on the coffee table. "I've been there, mate. I fucked up with Em and lost her for a time." Kevin pushed himself up a bit in surprise. Hadn't Em always been with the 'other Alex James'? "But when it's worth it, you do the work and get her back. I'm sure your girl is worth it, yeah? Otherwise you wouldn't be here away from your friends and your family, right? Or are you still confused about what's going on? Not sure what you should do?"

Kevin shook his head. "No, man. I know what I want, I just…don't know how to convince her now."

Alex smirked at Kevin in amusement and finished his drink. "So you travel to the other side of the world to visit the woman you kissed to show her?" he mocked. Kevin merely sighed and dropped his head back. "What're you doing here, mate?" Alex asked plainly.

"Getting away," Kevin answered, "from pretty much everyone's well meant advice and avoiding the majority of people that hate me. I can handle you hating me - at least I know you have a right to. I can accept that."

Alex shook his head and puckered his lips. "Don't hate you, mate. I know my Em. We're fine. Don't do it again," he added with a direct look, "but we're okay. I know that you are one of her many admirers and have been for years. She told me what was going on in your life then, and I know what was going on in hers." His eyes dropped from Kevin's, guilty for a moment, before collecting himself and looking Kevin in the eye. "I think I can understand. But sounds to me you need to just tell everyone to piss off and do what you want."

Kevin ran his fingers beneath his chin and sighed. "Sounds easy enough, doesn't it? It's not that easy."

"Why not?"

"Our families for one. I can't just disown my family."

"They're going to excommunicate you over this?" Alex asked in surprise. "I thought Em said you were pretty close with them."

"I am," he nodded, "that's the problem."

"If you're that close to them and don't get it, then you're not that close, are you?"

"You don't know my brother," he groaned.

"Ah, he'll come around. If he doesn't, it's not like you're living with him right? A few hours being uncomfortable every, what, couple of months? Birthdays, holidays…big deal. What else?"

"I don't want it to get ugly," he answered.

"What is it now?"

"Ugly," he told him, tilting his head.

"Yeah, you avoided that real well." Alex nodded to him with a smile. "So, what are you waiting for?"

"Jana," he said. "She's not really too open to me right now."

"You've got to give her a reason to give you a chance, don't you think? How're you going to do that from London?" Alex shifted to sit up. "I'm not pushing you out the door, mind. You really are welcome to stay as long as you'd like. Sometimes leaving everything is just what you need to do. And Lexa adores you. She doesn't mind another admirer."

Kevin smiled and shook his head. "She definitely steals your heart."

"Yeah," Alex nodded. "She's an imp. You seem good with kids though. You won over John's kids. Ami can be hard to crack sometimes."

Kevin lifted his eyebrows. "Disney."

"Ah, is that it?"

"Kids are easy," Kevin admitted. "It's the adults I can't figure out."

"Ah, who can?" Alex said, leaning over to pour more tequila into their glasses. "Stop trying to figure them out, right? Just do what you do and get on with it."

"Get on with it?" Kevin asked, sipping his drink. "Isn't that what got me into trouble in the first place?"

Alex lifted his glass to him. "Within reason, then, okay?"

Kevin lifted his glass up to Alex. "Within reason."

Birds In Your Garden Disclaimer | Email Coriander

Read the companion story:
Oreos for Breakfast (Nick Fanfic)
by The Pumpkin Coach & Paperbag Princess

c. 2001, 2002 by Coriander
Some content not suitable for children. You have been warned.

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