I'd killed my goldfish. Just a couple of goldfish, but... Sitting at my kitchen counter, I leaned my head on my folded hands, staring at their tiny floating bodies. Bayley had gotten them for me my last birthday, surprising me in London, attempting to convince me to come home. In her usual sly style, she'd thought forcing me to care for something else might make me take care of myself a little more. It had worked, a bit.

And now Bates and Nigel were dead. Poor little guys. I literally could not remember the last time I'd fed them. What a shitty mom. I mean, goldfish! A sprinkle of food once a day. Clean the bowl every once in a while. No big deal. Even in my increasingly busy life, I should have been able to remember that, right?

I didn't dare tell John or Nick I'd killed their namesakes.

Let's see... if I wasn't shooting, I was in the darkroom. If I wasn't in the darkroom, I was out with Kate, drinking too much and dancing until the clubs closed down, stumbling home at all hours to fall into bed and start it all over again. I got up from the counter, moving over to the flower boxes in the my windows. They were looking pretty dismal as well. Luckily it rained in London, they were at least getting some water.

10:27. Five, in Philadelphia. I picked up the phone, dialing Bayley's number, sighing when she picked up. "I killed the fish, Bay."

"I'm not surprised, Emmie."

What? Shouldn't she be comforting me? "Excuse me?"

"What day is it, Em?"

"Um... Thursday?"

"Date."

I tapped a key on my laptop to disable the screen saver. What did it matter? There, in the corner- "July 25th. Oh. Oh, fuck. Oh my god. I can't believe I did that."

"We've never forgotten one another's birthdays, Em. Never. Wasn't that part of the pact we signed in 5th grade?" I smiled, trying not to cry, remembering our heart-felt pact. Never to hurt one another, to never put a boy above our friendships, to be friends forever and a host of other things. "And Astrid, Em! Astrid! How many times did her mother forget her birthday?" Yes. The birthday thing had been Astrid's.

I banged my head against the wall. "I'm sorry, Bay."

"Don't tell me, babe. Call Astrid."

"I will. Once I get you to forgive me."

"Em, I..." She sighed. I could see her, sitting on our old sofa, running her hand through her hair. Her... blond hair?

"What color is your hair?"

"Yellow, today. I'm bleaching it before I do this keen wine color I found. But I want to wait until after we go down the shore to do that."

Down the shore... after Bay and I moved to Philly, the four of us had scraped together the money every summer to go to the beach for a week. In varying shabby houses, as long as they were close to the water and the bars, we didn't care. "When's that?" I'd missed it last year.

"Week after next. For your birthday, remember? You were going to come? What's happened with that? Do you even read my email?" I pulled up my in-box, feeling terribly guilty at all those little dots meaning 'unread' next to most of the messages.

"I'll be there." I started by deleting all the ones from addresses I didn't recognize. I was still listed on the university's database on my university account, I kept getting annoying 'Do you know Duran Duran?' messages.

"When's your flight?"

"I don't know yet. You're right, I suck hugely, I'd forgotten all about it. But I will be there, OK? Know what? I'll even pay for the house." AJSexmeal? An Alex alias, he sometimes checked into hotels that way.

"Don't buy our forgiveness, Em."

I laughed, hitting the 'delete' key. "But I can! Let me share the wealth. Please. Tell me where you got the house, I'll call and wire them the rest of the money."

She giggled, agreeing, and things were better as we made plans. I spent the rest of the night on the phone, calling the realtor and the airlines, and spending three hours with Astrid discussing her latest fling.

New York was not a bit better than London. When Kate discovered my plans to go to the States, she'd asked me to join her for some meetings in New York about her advertising campaign.

So here I was, the evening before my birthday, in a club with people I didn't know, Kate's fashion friends. Even she didn't like them much, why was she forcing them on me? Unthinkable to Kate to stay in for an evening. The movies, maybe? I was tired. I wanted to see my friends, my oldest, bestest, dearest friends. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'd drive down from the city in that groovy convertible I'd rented for the week. A week of sun and old in-jokes and lots of margaritas, my old life. My real life.

Bayley's call had made me realize how weirdly familiar this whole summer had been. I'd done the same thing with Alex, immersed myself in my new life, ignoring the old. Hell, I'd talked to my friends and family more then than I had lately. Obsessive? Me?

But first, I must survive this evening, then I can have my normal life again. If I left now, Kate would be unhappy, and the last thing I wanted to do was deal with one of Kate's moods. She was across the room, flirting with someone, and I ordered another drink with a sigh. Her moods had been growing increasingly more disturbing over the last couple of weeks, and I felt almost guilty about leaving her for a week.

Then again, was I doing her a bit of good by staying? I always let her talk me into drinking and carousing, night after night. I knew, above all else, that she only did this to avoid going back to the flat she used to share with Jarvis.

Not that we ever talked about Jarvis. What a two timing lowlife he was, maybe, but not how much he'd hurt her. She wasn't always easy to talk to, my Katie.

The bartender yelled "hey, gorgeous!", pulling me out of my thoughts, and I rummaged for money, but he shook his head with a smile and motioned behind me. Great. Another drunken asshole to get rid of. Just what I need.

Pasting on a smile, I turned, looking up at a lovely man. Tall, dark hair, full lips. I knew him. But from the grin on his face, it was doubtful he remembered me, so I just smiled back. "Thank you."

"Oh, no, thank you," he drawled charmingly, in high flirt mode.

"For what?"

"For turning around to pick up that drink and allowing me to gaze adoringly at your very nice ass."

I laughed. I just had to. It was that or throw a drink in his face. "Well, you're welcome. Glad to know its appreciated." "Of course, I had been admiring your front earlier."

"Good to know, Mr. Tyler."

He raised an eyebrow at me, wondering how I knew his name. "Were you at the show?"

"Show? You played tonight?" I laughed. "No. We've met before."

"You must be mistaken. I would have remembered you."

"Probably not. Em Evesham, I took your picture once."

He laughed. "You were a stuck up bitch!"

I scowled at him. That photo session with the Jackson Bollocks had been one of the many reasons I'd vowed to stay away from pop stars. Well, that had lasted about a year. So much for my vows. "Mr. Tyler, you could not begin to understand what was going in my life that day."

In the middle of that tour of the States with Ask for Janice, someone had talked to someone and set up a session for me with the Jackson Bollocks. Justine and M had insisted that it would be good for me to do some work, some photos of someone other than Alex.

It was a disaster. The keyboardist had been cutting lines of coke on the props, the smell of pot was overwhelming and I'd had enough of pop star excesses. I had a small fit, their manager had confiscated all illegal substances from them and then we continued on.

"The pictures were good, weren't they?"

"Yes. We're still using them."

I tossed my hair. "So there. Still, I shouldn't've flipped out on you. I was mourning the death of a relationship, I had no right working."

"Took you a while to get back to it. I haven't seen your stuff anywhere else until this summer."

"Ah, that was the trouble. I wasn't a photographer then, that session was a complete fluke." I laughed. "Hell, my career now is based on a bizarre set of coincidences."

He raised his glass to me. "How better to have a career?"

I clinked glasses with him. "True enough."

"Em!" Kate threw her arms around me. Damn, what was she on? I could see by her eyes that she wasn't quite with us.

"Hello, Kate."

She looked over at Courtney and grinned. "Who's this?"

"Courtney Tyler of the Jackson Bollocks, at your service." He kissed her hand and she laughed.

"Oh, do join us in our next stop," she said, still holding his hand.

"Let me explain, Court, that my friend Kate has the attention span of a gnat, and obviously this club has grown dull."

"A woman after my own heart," he grinned. "I'd be delighted. Can I bring my friends?"

"The more the merrier! It's Em's birthday party!" she trilled, shooting me a sly smile. What? What was she going to do now?

Courtney looked at me expectantly. "Tomorrow. The 3rd," I informed him.

Kate pulled him down to stage whisper into his ear. "I think she needs to get laid."

"Kate!" Rolling my eyes, I whacked her. Christ, she just had no fucking shame sometimes.

Courtney smiled at me slowly. "That could certainly be arranged."

She giggled. "It's been-"

"Kate Sutton, not another word." She jumped away from him, turning to me with an abashed look. Only my best teacher's voice could get to her sometimes. "Let me do my own goddamned pick-ups, please."

She grinned at me and I grinned back. Not that I planned to do anything with Courtney, I just wanted her to leave us alone. But then I looked at him and found his smile to be entirely serious. Shaking my head, I waved him away. "Go find your friends and meet us back here."

With a deep bow, he left, leaving me alone with Kate. "Were you serious?"

"Of course not! Kate, have you ever known me to go home with a stranger?"

"Didn't you do pictures for them before?" She had a fucking amazing memory. It came from years of schmoozing in the fashion business, she told me.

"Yes."

"Then he's not a stranger!" I rolled my eyes at her. "Em, c'mon, he's lovely."

"I've been talking to him for three minutes, Kate! I'm not in the habit of sleeping with men I barely know."

"It's your birthday! Live a little!"

Sighing at the insistent Kate, I saw Courtney reappear, the rest of his band in tow. He made introductions- "This is the now famous Em Evesham," and then I was attacked.

"You should do our pictures again."

"Yeah, we're the best British band in America, you like British bands."

"Everyone you do ends up famous, do us!"

I laughed, they were like a group of first graders. "When?"

"Right now," Courtney insisted, making me laugh again.

"Do you see a camera anywhere on me?" He took the opportunity to survey my body slowly, and I crossed my arms in front of me, surprised at how quickly I was responding to him. I could positively feel his look on my skin. Shaking my head, I looked to the others. "When will you be in London again?" Blank stares all around. "Oh. I'm leaving tomorrow."

"When? We can do it tomorrow."

Within moments, it was decided. Tomorrow, one p.m., Central Park, at the fountain. It would only put me a couple of hours behind schedule, hopefully. That decided, Kate invited them all to join us, but they declined- after a pointed look from Courtney, I think. They look their leave of us, promising to be there early for the session, minimal drugs, and Kate dragged Court and I along with her friends.

Courtney and I fell behind the others as we made our drunken way to the next hip hot nightspot, and he rummaged through his pockets, producing a pack of cigarettes. Our eyes met when I took one, and he raised an eyebrow at me. "Do you know these people?"

"Not really. They're Kate's friends."

"Then I won't be insulting one of your friends when I say the woman in the lime green minidress and orange platforms looks ridiculous?"

I laughed. I'd been thinking the same thing since Kate had introduced us. In London, Kate would have been making fun of her with me, but here they were best friends. I felt distinctly annoyed and almost jealous.

"And the one with the perfect hair, didn't I see her on the cover of Vogue last month?"

"Probably. Want an introduction?"

He shook his head, draping his arm around my shoulders. "What for? So I can call her anorexic to her face?"

For a moment, I considered moving away from him, feeling a familar half-panic. It was an instinctive reaction whenever a man I didn't know well touched me. But this way it was easier to whisper catty comments to one another, so I stayed, the panic forgotten within half a block. We were ushered straight up to the VIP section upon our arrival, on Vogue girl's star power, I guess, and our motley crew staked out the biggest and best table. Courtney sat at the tiny table right next to them, looking up at me quizzically when I hesitated near him. "Would you rather dance?"

I considered him for a moment, the candle on the table casting interesting shadows along his high cheekbones, and then glanced over at Kate and her fashionable friends. "No." I started to sit in the chair across from him, and he shook his head, so I slid into the booth next to him.

"So you're based in New York now? Weren't you this hotshot London photographer when we met all those long months ago?"

"Neither. I wasn't a hotshot then, and I'm not based in New York now. London."

"Well, we're the best British band to ever come out of Portland."

"Good that I'm taking your pictures, then! I'm a hotshot now. At least that's what they tell me."

He picked up the candle to light another cigarette and I sighed quietly. I had such a damn smoking fetish. All Alex's fault, really. "No, you are truly a hotshot. I see your name everywhere."

I shrugged, lighting a cigarette of my own. "Fame begets fame. I stumbled into one lucky job and now everyone wants me."

"Pass some of that fame stuff over to us, wouldya? Or at least the money. Its easier to keep up the rock and roll rep when you've got the money behind it. I think I liked it better when we were unsigned."

A waitress in a tiny uniform approached us and Courtney ordered us beer. "Why did you like it better being unsigned?" I continued after she left.

"We had this couple of months where we were playing record companies off each other. We'd split up, me and Pete, and Zia and Eric, and run up these enormous room service bills, and get them to take us to terribly decadent sex clubs and stuff. It was fucking great."

"That was when I met you, wasn't it?"

"Absofuckinglutely. I was stoned out of my head."

"Yeah, Pete and Zia were talking about some creepy sex club." I shuddered. "Not my idea of a good time."

He leered at me suggestively. "I bet it would be with the right encouragement."

"Oh, don't even think it. I'm a good girl from the Midwest, high moral standards and all that rot."

Leaning away from me, he tapped his ash and considered me from between narrowed eyes. "Midwest?"

"Ohio. Very near Cincinnati. Ever been to Cincinnati?"

"Yes."

"What do you think of it?"

"Honestly?" I nodded, so he continued. "It's pretty fucking boring."

"Most of my life, I thought Cincinnati was big and exciting. Then I moved to Philadelphia with my best friend, and found out I was completely wrong. So that's the sort of naive woman you're talking to right now."

"You're not naive."

I saw the waitress approaching and found my wallet, handing her a $20 and telling her to keep the change. "That was generous," Courtney commented as she walked away.

"Not really. I bet these damn beers are at least 6 bucks each. Besides, I know our fashionable friends will stiff her. They just seem the type."

"You were a waitress once, weren't you?" he asked knowingly.

I laughed. "No. But my best friend was a bartender, and another good friend worked summers at her dad's pizza shop. I'm a good tipper."

"What did you do to earn money in the summers?"

"Why do you say I'm not naive?"

He rolled easily with my change of topic. "Well, you're hanging out with this disreputable lot."

"Not really by choice."

"But you do know an awful lot of pop stars," he countered.

I shrugged. "I somehow do, yes. Doesn't mean I indulge in their vices."

"Em, any woman who wears a dress like that is not naive and innocent."

Blushing, I looked down at my admittedly short dress, a brilliant dark blue with black designs. Gorgeous fabric, a very soft brushed silk. "It was a birthday present from Kate. She gets cranky if I don't follow her fashion advice."

"Don't even attempt to tell me that you don't like the fact that every man in here has a hard-on just from looking at you. You wouldn't look half as good in that dress if you didn't like it."

He was absolutely right, and I blushed deeper. "Well, you wouldn't be sitting here with me if my skirt was any longer, I'm sure."

Shaking his head, he took a drink of his beer. "Doesn't matter what you're wearing. You're the most interesting woman around, those stupid shallow fashion idiots bore me. You're not doing their pictures or anything, are you?"

"God no. Music only. Kate had me do her show a few weeks back and we almost lost a nice friendship because of it."

"Yeah? Why?" I told him the story, and he agreed that fashion was probably not the place for my talents. "So how did you become a photographer?"

"How did you become a pop star?"

"I asked first."

Rolling my eyes, I gave him the abridged version, photography was a hobby, education was my life, blah blah blah. I enjoyed his tales of his early bands far more, and we were laughing over bad band names when Kate suddenly flopped down next to me. "Em!"

I turned to her with a smile. "Kate!"

"It's one a.m.! I'm sorry I missed midnight. I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday."

"You still are, sweetie. I had no idea it was so late."

She reached around me to whack Courtney. "You're supposed to be paying attention to her!"

"Hey, do you see a watch on me anywhere? Besides, we were having such a good talk, we lost track of time."

"Exactly, Katie. Thanks for the thought."

She kissed my cheek, then leaned against me, lowering her voice confidentially. "Am I being mean and ignoring you on your birthday?"

"A little. But its OK. I know where the hotel is, I could always leave."

Grinning, she glanced over at Courtney, who was pretending not to listen to us. "Do you like Courtney?"

"He's nice, yes."

"Should I wait up for you?"

"Um... I don't know. Don't worry, I can find my way home."

"I meant-"

"I know what you meant, Kate. And I'm just saying don't worry about me."

Giggling, she left us alone, and Court raised an eyebrow at me. "What were you talking about?"

"Like you didn't hear."

"I honestly can't unless I'm reading your lips. It's loud in here." I nodded in agreement and he smiled at me. "Happy birthday."

"Tha-" I couldn't finish with his lips on mine. They were warm and soft, and very, very nice. I was still slightly surprised when he moved away from me.

"What was it that Kate was saying you needed for your birthday...?" Shaking my head, I finished my beer. "Yes, I think she said you needed to get laid."

My hands were shaking, and I put down my glass, running through my mental checklist of scary things. This is why I wasn't good at flirting. I always ended up being scared and talking myself out of it.

He ran his fingers lightly along the inside of my arm, and I looked up at him. "Yes or no, just say the word, Em. But I've been wondering what you taste like all night. I'm thinking red wine. Sweet. Warm. Intoxicating."

I kissed him this time, letting him slip his tongue inside my mouth, half surprised at how quickly I was responding to him. How could a man that spoke that well about oral sex be horrible? We broke apart and he smiled, brushing the hair away from my face. "I told Pete to get lost tonight."

"Cocky bastard."

"I just tend to think ahead."

"What if I say no?"

"Then I guess I'll go back and whack off, but that tends to get messy and loud, so Pete wouldn't want to be a part of that."

I laughed, my mental checklist forgotten. Hell, you only live once. It wasn't like I got offers like this every night. It'll be a birthday present to myself. It had been long enough since I had sex, after all. "Oh, I'll save you the indignity."

"You cool with Kate?"

"Kate's been informed not to wait up, yes."

He stood up, pulling me out of my seat. "Cocky bitch."

"Hardly. I just told her to enjoy her friends and not worry about me."

"Um-hm."

We half ran out of the club, my heart racing in a familiar way now that I had decided to just relax and enjoy this. He flagged a cab and we fell into it in a sprawl of limbs. He gave the cabbie the address of his hotel and then pulled me up against him, kissing me deeply. I kissed him back, slipping my hand under his shirt, enjoying the feel of his skin under my fingers. We broke apart and I moved to nibble on his collarbone, looking up when he laughed. "What?"

"Oh, for some bizarre reason I thought I'd have to break down all your little inhibitions, but I'm starting to think you don't have any."

"Why, because I'm attacking you in the back of a cab?"

Smiling, he leaned down, whispering in my ear. "I think the cabbie likes it." Turning my head as Courtney kissed my neck, I did, indeed, catch our driver's eyes looking at us in the rear view mirror. Quickly calculating the angle of the mirror, I figured he really couldn't see anything interesting, and was slightly disappointed until Courtney moaned loudly in my ear, then whispering. "I figure he can't see anything, might as well give him a soundtrack."

I attempted a moan and ended up in giggles, unable to fake a thing. It had sometimes been a problem in my sex life, my complete inability to fake interest. "Oh, I'm going to be able to tell if you're for real, aren't I?"

"Absofuckinglutely. I fake badly."

"Too bad for our cabbie friend." With that, we were at the hotel, and Court tossed some money at the cabbie, and we stumbled into the elevator, pushing the close button over and over again so that we could be alone.

As the elevator took off, he pushed me against the wall, kissing me madly, rubbing his hips into mine. I could feel his hardness bumping against me, and I was suddenly dizzy. It had just been too damn long since I'd had sex.

I was, however, relieved to know that it wasn't just Alex that could elicit such a response from my body. Before Alex, I'd been worried that I'd never learn to enjoy sex, but he had shown me otherwise.

The elevator stopped and we tumbled out, pawing at each other as he fumbled with the key at the door to his room, finally falling onto the small couch in a tangle of limbs. We kissed and fondled one another through our clothes until he fell off the couch, making both of us laugh. I moved to join him and he stopped me, having me sit back, my legs spread as he kneeled between them, a lavicious smile on his face.

I held my breath as he kissed the backs of my knees, the inside of my thighs, reached up to yank off my underwear in one quick motion. I raised my hips to help him slide them off, biting my lip to keep from begging him to touch me, fuck me, anything to stop the aching need between my legs.

My panties gone, he pushed my skirt out of the way, pulling my hips to the edge of the couch, finally sliding a long finger inside me, making me cry out slightly. "You're so wet." He removed his finger slowly, his eyes never leaving mine as he raised it to his lips, tasting it. "I was right. Exactly as I thought you'd taste."

Courtney was dancing around me, asking why I had so many cameras, and which ones would make him look the best. I just laughed and swatted him away from touching them, enjoying his endless chatter. He made me laugh, and god, I had needed last night. I had needed to be flirted with and told I was pretty by a lovely man, I needed to get drunk and stupid for the first time in my life and I needed to come 20 times by someone's hand other than my own.

We'd had fun, no strings attached. I'd always thought I'd be the type to insist on strings, but the fact that I was leaving this evening didn't phase me in the least. I might never see him again. Not a problem.

Is this really me? The serious quiet Em, having one night stands with pop stars? Hell, even this shoot was weird. No assistant, natural light, no tricks and mirrors. A band in a park, me and my cameras. They weren't paying me enough to make me stress over the perfect picture.

Suddenly Courtney yelled "Kate! You made it!" and flew across the fountain away from me, towards where Peter had been standing. Did he invite Kate? I'd just seen her at the hotel, when I stopped to change and grab my cameras. She'd sat on my bed and asked questions about Courtney, staggering into the shower when I left, in a rush to make her flight back to London.

No, Courtney threw his arms around a pretty blond and nuzzled her neck, making her laugh. He let her go and held her at arms length, saying something I couldn't quite hear over the splashing water. Short blond bowl cut, full lips and a cute upturned nose. Why does she look so familiar? Besides the fact that she looked rather like Pete, the Bollocks guitarist.

Kate Charms! Of course! She'd cut her hair. She'd been there, entwined with Pete, the last time I had shot them. Guess they were still friends, at least. And she'd been linked in the gossip columns with Alex...

I was about to wander over and figure it out, when Alex joined them.

Alex. My Alex. He handed her a cup of coffee, which she took gratefully with a kiss, and my heart just sank. I looked back at my cameras intently, wishing my hands would stop shaking.

Fuck. Just a couple of weeks ago he was telling me he was only friends with Kate. Guess that had changed. Damn, they even looked happy. What the hell is he doing in New York, anyway?

I'm happy, right? I had a lovely night with Courtney, I have this amazing career, I'm fucking happy. I don't need Alex fucking James.

God, this is worse that seeing him with Mimi. I knew he wasn't happy with Mimi, but Kate was his type. Smart and sarcastic, she had a life and a career of her own, probably never entangled him with the strings I longed for.

"Come and meet my Em, Katie." The fountain stopped and I looked up at hearing my name, meeting Alex's eyes. Courtney tried to lead her over to me and Alex grabbed her back, making her turn to him, a bit annoyed.

"What?" she asked him, and he glanced at me again before shrugging and letting her go. Rolling her eyes, she took Courtney's hand and let him lead her over to me. "Your Em, Courtney? What, did you order her from a catalogue?"

I laughed and held out my hand to her as they approached. "Nah, I'm only the flavor of the week. Do you get that joke too often?"

She took my hand, smiling. "Much too often. Kate Gordon."

"Em Evesham. Charmed." My stupid pun made Courtney laugh, and I giggled with him, trying to remember how much fun I'd been having two minutes ago before I saw Alex.

Kate rolled her eyes. "That one's even more annoying. Come on, hit me with them all. Charmed, I'm sure. This Charming woman... when you put it all together, there's the model of a charmless man..." She sang the last line of a Blur song and my heart twisted again at the easy way she could joke with Alex's music. I couldn't even use the word 'blur' in conversation without wincing mentally.

With a cheesy grin, Court draped his arm around my shoulders. "Told ya we'd get her before you did. We'll win the bet yet..."

"I was a bet?" I demanded indignantly.

"Just a minor one, darling. It was just over whose video you were going to do first." He leaned down to kiss me and I wiggled away, feeling cheapened.

"I don't do videos." I'd been asked, and declined. I was a still photographer, and had far to go before I considered myself an expert on that. I didn't believe in spreading myself too thin.

Like Court cared in the least. He dug in his pocket, producing a joint, offering it to me, then Kate. "Hey, lighten up, here- let's smoke a joint." In the middle of the fucking afternoon in public?

I wanna go home.

With a sigh, I sat on the edge of the fountain, fussing with my cameras the way I always did when I got aggravated with pop star excesses. Last night had been wonderful, but I didn't like Courtney showing me off to impress his friends this way. I wasn't into casual drug use, either, but that seemed to be the least of my problems at the moment.

"I can't. I'm pregnant." Kate's quiet proclamation pulled me out of my annoyance at Courtney.

His jaw hit the floor around the same time my heart did. Alex? A father? I knew he didn't want that, at least not now.

No, I did not know that. Maybe things were different with Kate. But he'd once told me he didn't want to be a father before he was 30. God knows I'd seen him flitting around the clubs all summer, that was hardly responsible father behavior. Hell, just a few weeks ago, he'd been dating Mimi and flirting with me.

Courtney started to hug her, then hesitated. "Good news, yes?"

She shrugged. "You try starting a relationship when you're pregnant with another man's child."

It's not Alex's! I was too giddy with that news to hear much of the rest of their conversation. Tucking the camera I was holding into the bag at my feet, I glanced over to where Kate and Court had left Pete and Alex. Peter was talking with the rest of the band now, the three of them hanging off a tree, Alex trying not to watch us and failing.

Grabbing another camera, I left Kate and Court still talking and walked over to Alex, snapping a few shots of the others playing in the tree. "Alex."

"Em. I should have known when I heard it was a last minute photo session. What other photographer is important enough to rearrange schedules over?" Charming as ever, even as he shot glances past me to Kate and Courtney.

"Thank you, darling. Doubtful, though, as I just discovered I was the object of a bet between the Bollocks and the Charms."

"Were you?"

"Evidently. Ask Courtney or Kate."

As if on cue, Courtney came flying over to the others, tackling Eric and they fell into a heap in the grass, wrestling playfully. I took several shots of their silliness, ignoring the fact that Kate and Alex were whispering behind me, then called out, "Now, Court, you don't want to get mussed before I take all these pictures, do you?"

He leapt up with a scream, straightening his clothes, and the others snickered at him. I was out of film already and I let them tease Courtney while I went back to my cameras, watching Alex and Kate hiss at one another out of the corner of my eye. Maybe they weren't as happy as they seemed on first glance. Pete started to approach them and Courtney distracted him.

Interesting, very interesting... There was all sorts of odd tension in the air that hadn't been present before Kate and Alex arrived. Courtney bounded over to me for a kiss and instructions, and I gave him both before asking how they knew Kate and Alex.

"I don't know Alex. Do you?" he wondered.

"Yes."

"Thought so." He leered suggestively at me and I pushed him away, looking around for something to stand on so that I could get some more interesting angles.

"So, Kate. You must know Kate, then," I continued with my questions.

"Yeah, she and Pete had a fling a while back. Quite adventurous, that Kate."

"I know. Well, she was all entwined with Pete when I did that session with you ages ago."

"All entwined with me, too." That distracted me from my search for angles, and I looked at him questioningly. "Pete was in the next bed." He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I sighed.

"I hope you don't talk about me that way."

"Ah, no, Em, I respect you."

"I bet. I'm not doing your fucking video." Using his shoulder for balance, I hopped up on a bench, letting him kiss me again. I did like him, I did. But it had been better when we were alone. Then it was just silly. Now I had to worry about how we looked to other people. Remind me never to have another one-night stand.

When I looked up, Kate was heading towards Pete, Alex still standing on the other side of the fountain away from us. I thought I caught him looking at me, but he looked away so quickly it was difficult to tell.

Whatever. I told the Bollocks to pose for me, and play, whatever came naturally. Kate sat on a bench near them, chatting with Pete mostly, but the others when they wandered close enough. The next time I noticed Alex was when he sat on my bench, picking up one of my cameras. "What are you doing?" I asked, wandering over to him.

"I thought these needed reloading."

Taking the camera away from my face, I looked at him. Alex never helped. "They do. Film's in my bag. The Nikon's a bitch, let me do it."

He didn't look up at me, just shrugged and rummaged through my bag. Fine. I could use the help. Cheating, I focused the telephoto on Kate, finding her and Pete in an intense discussion. Hmm. I sat next to Alex, who was muttering at my Nikon. "I told you to let me do the Nikon. Hand it over."

"I've got it." With that, it began bleeding film and I had to laugh. Seeing that I wasn't angry, he joined me, relaxing slightly, protesting vainly as I took the camera from him. He leaned over my shoulder as I reloaded it, trying to figure out the secret. "Do you ever read your email, Em?"

I glanced at him. "Why?"

"I wrote you a note a couple of weeks ago, and you never answered..." He looked almost... hurt at that.

"Oh. Really? I must have deleted it. I get a lot of weird emails, since I'm still on the university's database."

"That's how I found you."

"What, you couldn't call, if it was so important?"

"Lost your number."

I laughed. "So, I'm here now, what's up?"

He began to say something, then shook his head, looking around for Kate, his face falling when he found her. I followed his eyes, finding Kate and Pete in their still intense discussion. "She might as well just make a public confession," he muttered.

"Confess what?" I asked, knowing the answer, curious as to how he was dealing with Kate's pregnancy.

With a sigh, he turned back to me, searching my face for a long moment. "She's pregnant. But not by me."

"I know. Kate was telling Courtney when they were near me."

"Why the hell was she doing that?" he demanded, growing short with me.

"I don't know. Alex, I really don't want to be in the middle of this. If you're trying to make Kate jealous by hanging out with me, please stop."

"I'm not. She doesn't even know about us. At least I haven't told her." Ouch. Shouldn't she? If they're serious, shouldn't they talk about past lovers, even briefly? "I'm with you because... because you're not mad at me. At least presently."

I laughed. "Yeah, don't push it. Don't you want to put on a nice face in front of her ex-lovers, tho?"

"Not particularly."

We considered each other for a moment and I sighed. "Do stop me before I give you advice on your love life."

"No, do. You've always given good advice."

Shaking my head, I looked down at my camera, busying myself with changing the film. "Bad idea. Past history and all that. Only..."

"What?"

"She's pregnant, Alex. I don't know how you feel about her, but don't take this lightly. If you're going to stay with her, you're going to have some role in that child's life. Don't do that if you're not ready to handle it. Fucking up your life, or mine, or even Kate's is one thing, we're all adults. But don't do that to a baby."

He looked at me for the longest moment, considering what I'd just said, not sure whether to be annoyed or just accept it. Then Courtney came over to us, whining that he was bored. "Attention span of a two-year old, I swear. Here, put film in one of my cameras."

"They're all done," Alex offered.

I grinned at Alex. "Ever consider giving up pop music to be a photographer's assistant?"

"Only for you, Em." Smiling, he stood up. "I think I shall leave you."

"Oh, don't take Kate! You just got here," Courtney whined.

Alex just looked down at him, slumped on the bench with his arm along the back, his hand on my shoulder. "I won't. She can stay." His tone was cold, almost formal, but warmed when he turned to me. "Em, a pleasure as always."

"Indeed." He nodded to Courtney and then walked over to Kate, who was now... hugging Peter? They were in some sort of clinch, and I just didn't want to know.

Watching Alex watch Kate, Courtney spoke. "You two seem friendly."

"Do we?"

"Yes. Was it a just a fling or something more?"

"Ask him. I'm not sure that I know even today." Alex walked up behind Kate and she pulled away from Pete, looking up at Alex with a mixture of annoyance and guilt.

"When was it?" Courtney continued with his questions.

"A long time ago. We broke up... a year and a half ago? Something like that. And we were together about four or five months. How about Pete and Kate?"

He shrugged. "Not long. A few weeks? But they were inseparable for that entire time. They look alike, don't they?"

"I was just thinking that, yes. If Pete wants to take a break, Kate can stand in, no one will ever know the difference."

"Hey! Great idea!" He leapt up, calling for Kate and Pete, just as Alex walked away. Everyone loved the idea, but my Nikon did not, and after a few minutes fighting with it, I called the end of the shoot. They discussed dinner, preferably with a great deal of alcohol available, and I was packing up my cameras when Kate said my name quietly. "Ms. Evesham?"

"Em, please."

"Do you, um, have a card? Even if you don't do videos, the Charms would still like to work with you." She seemed nervous. I cannot possibly be cool enough to make the unflappable Kate Charms nervous.

"Great! I was beginning to think you hated me, my agent has called yours a few times." I had to search through my bag for a card. "Besides, I might just do a video for you, it would piss Courtney off."

She laughed, "Last night that good?"

I handed her a card with a giggle. "He's just so damn full of himself."

"I know."

Our eyes met and we both stopped laughing. Really, what would be the odds, that we could have slept with the same two men? That we would have switched in some unimaginable way at this point in time? A little more than a year ago, she'd been with Courtney briefly, and I'd just broken up with Alex. She hesitated, considering something. "Any idea why Alex kept trying to talk me out of working with you?"

"Oh?" Isn't that interesting? Why would Alex do that? And why would she be bringing it up at this precise moment?

"I'd always thought he didn't like you- no offense."

"None taken." What the fuck had he said?

"But then you were talking today. Do you know him?" The curiosity was evident. Fuck it, I don't care if Alex wants to pretend nothing ever happened between us.

"Um, yes. We dated for a while." Dated. What a useless word. It was so much more than that.

"Did you?" Obviously I had just confirmed her suspicions. Good.

"Don't worry, obviously it didn't mean much to him if he didn't tell you."

Blinking, she shook her head and looked back at me. "Um, yeah, we don't talk about our pasts much. Anyway, thanks. We'll give you a call."

"I look forward to it."

I loved staying in nice hotels. My car hadn't arrived yet. Yes, ma'am, we'll keep your bags right here, load your car and come and get you in the bar when it arrives. Have a drink on us.

Thanks. I ordered a coke, not wanting to impair myself for the long drive and opened my map, looking for the best way out of this godforsaken city. The roads blurred before my eyes as I was seized with just wanting to be there with my friends already. What kind of fucked up birthday was this? Nobody I had seen today had even remembered. Well, my Kate did, but I hadn't seen her for more than five minutes before I had to run off to my shoot and now she was on a plane back to London.

"Happy Birthday."

A white rose appeared in front of me, and, surprised, I looked up to find Alex standing next to me, a small smile on his face. He was well on his way to oblivion. He'd probably been drinking ever since he left us this afternoon. What the hell was he doing at my hotel?

"Thank you."

He settled himself carefully onto the stool next to me. "Sorry I forgot earlier. I didn't even know what day it was until I picked up a newspaper."

"That's OK." I was frankly surprised he knew my birthday at all. We hadn't been together on my birthday. He remembered something I'd told him? Considering him, I noticed the vase next to him on the bar was empty, and I replaced the flower he'd given me with a laugh. "No need to steal flowers."

"Hey, it was short notice, I didn't think I'd see you again today." We shared a smile and I had to remind myself that he was taken. Obviously thinking the same thing, he glanced at my map. "Going somewhere?"

"Yeah. The Jersey shore, see the girls."

"The world's best pizza!"

I grinned. "Yes." We'd gone down the shore when I'd been on that tour with him. They had a day off after the Philadelphia show, and while the others had gone on to New York, Bayley had taken Alex and I to the shore to enjoy the world's best pizza and see the differences between the American seaside and the English. It had been a lovely day, and his smile now told me he remembered it as fondly as I did. "Not the same town we went to, but not far."

"Where?"

I turned back to my map, and he hung his head over my shoulder to see. His hair tickled my cheek and I had to remind myself yet again that he was mine no longer. "See, this is Wildwood, where we went, and then this is Ocean City. About 30 minutes between them."

"What's wrong with Wildwood?" He hadn't moved, reaching out to trace my route with one long finger.

"Noisy. That's where all the college kids stay. We're old ladies now, wanted to stay where it's quieter. Ocean City is dry."

"Dry?"

"No alcohol."

He screamed and jumped away from me. "You're joking!"

I laughed, glad he had moved. "No. Founded by some Christians. They call it 'America's Family Resort'."

"What will you do?"

"Drive over the bridge and buy stuff and bring it back. Sit in the hot tub on our roof deck and get trashed and gossip."

"Is Tricia bringing the baby?" Even drunk he remembered things about me. Why did I find this so surprising? I remembered every little detail about his life.

"No. She might suffer withdrawal, but it was her idea to have it be just us girls."

"Sounds as if you're looking forward to it."

"Desperately. I'd be on the road now if my rental was here."

Sighing, he leaned his head on his hand. "Can I come?" He looked so tired and sad.

"Girls only."

"Damn."

"Besides, Alex, don't you have things to do here in the city? Where is your girlfriend?"

"Where's your boyfriend?"

"Courtney's hardly my boyfriend. I guess he's back at his hotel."

Sighing deeper, he slumped onto the bar. "If that's where Pete is, I bet that's where Kate is. She has a bad track record of infidelity."

His voice was loud, and I glanced around, spotting an empty table in the corner. "C'mon." Taking his arm, I led him back, ignoring his protests that now the drinks were too far away. "Alex, you don't really need another drink. You're getting loud."

He flopped into the nearest chair and I sat across from him. "But I want another drink."

A waitress appeared with the map I'd left behind, asking if we needed anything, and I told her coffee. Alex glowered in his chair. "Don't glower at me, Mr. James. I didn't do anything. If you want another drink, you can leave. I'm not dealing with a whining drunk Alex on my birthday, for god's sake."

Muttering, he remained.

"Besides, you and Kate will get nothing resolved if you show up drunk later tonight." He was generally such a silly drunk that it was impossible to discuss anything serious with him in that state. Or he'd just get mean, either way, not a good situation.

He tossed his hair out of his eyes. "Who says I want to resolve anything with her?"

I shrugged. "Fine. If she doesn't matter to you, keep drinking. But she seemed a bit upset the last I saw her, and I assumed that was because you two were fighting."

"Oh, don't assume anything with Kate. Pete probably wasn't paying enough attention to her."

"He barely left her side."

He moaned, covering his face with his hands as our waitress brought a pot of coffee. I waved her away and poured it myself, fixing it with the proper amount of sugar and milk and setting in front of him. "Drink your coffee, Alex."

"Do you know what happened with Kate and Pete?"

"Today? Not much. They seemed like old friends to me."

Uncovering his face, he looked at me intently. "Not today. Before."

"They had an affair. So did we, Alex. This does not mean they're still interested in one another."

For a long moment, he studied me, looking for me to slip and show him how much I still cared for him, and I just let him, attempting to remain as blank as possible. He cared about Kate, I was sure of that, I did not want to be in the middle of this. What was I doing here? Where the fuck was my car? I hated New York. "You said lovers today. Plural. Remember?"

Oh, shit. He didn't know about Courtney. Hell, Kate didn't know about me. I am so in the middle of this and I don't want to be. "Yes. Something about making her jealous in front of her ex-lovers."

"Who else?"

I shrugged. "Courtney. Doesn't sound like it meant anything. I didn't get any details."

His eyes narrowed, but not at me. Jealously was an emotion I'd only seen on Alex once, and it was why we'd broken up. He did stupid things when he was jealous. "Why was he talking about her?"

"I was asking how the Bollocks knew her. Casual conversation, Alex. Then he wanted to know how I knew you. It was nothing. Don't overreact."

He looked away from my eyes, picking up his coffee. "There are a lot of unresolved issues with Pete and Kate."

"It seems to me, that right now, there are a lot of unresolved issues between you and Kate, as well. Alex, I don't know what's going on, I don't even know how long you two have been together, but don't be stupid and get drunk and avoid her. Do you love her?"

"Yes." Not a second's hesitation. Ow ow ow. Why couldn't I get over him the way he'd obviously gotten over me?

"Then talk to her. She loves you, I think. I don't know. Forget it, I shouldn't be involved in this!"

"Sorry. How did you end up with the Jackson fucking Bollocks, anyway?"

I felt myself blush. Who was that wanton woman throwing herself at Courtney Tyler last night? Surely not me. "I don't even know. I was... proving something to myself, maybe."

"What, that you could still be a good groupie?"

"Don't you fucking judge me, Mr. James." I am not a groupie! I just... find myself in the company of pop stars.

He was instantly contrite. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way, honestly. It just seems... out of character for you, to fall for someone like that."

"I didn't fall for him, Alex. Far from it. I might never see him again, and that's fine."

"You didn't..."

His expression was so funny and confused that I had to smile at him. "What, I didn't have a one-night stand? Not that its any of your business, but I did. God, why are we discussing my dismal love life?"

"You didn't want to discuss mine any longer?"

"What, we can't discuss anything other than one another's love lives? Tell me about the new album."

He groaned. "Don't make me. They keep mixing me out, its awful. Tell me about your next shoot."

"I'm on vacation for a week, I have no idea what it is and I don't care."

"You're on vacation for a whole week? I'm jealous."

I smiled. "It's not like I'm staying in some luxury palace. A house with a nice view of the ocean."

"And your friends, I know that's what matters most to you."

"Yeah. They told me I was ignoring them all summer, I sorta dropped everything to be here."

"You? Ignore your friends?" He used to tease me terribly about his phone bills after we got together. I always offered to pay them, and he never let me. But I used to talk to one or the other of my three best friends about once a day, damn the long distance charges. No wonder I was so broke for a long while.

"I've been... busy. Working, and Kate- my Kate- is so convincing when she wants you to go out with her."

"Your Kate. That is so bizarre."

He shook his head and I smiled at him. "I like her. I sometimes think she finds me terribly dull, but usually we get on well. Sorry I've sorta stumbled into your circle of friends."

He looked up at me from pouring himself another cup of coffee. "Sorry? No, I rather enjoy hearing all the gossip about you."

"I can assure you, Alex, that most rumors about me are greatly exaggerated."

We laughed over rumors and gossip for a little while, until the concierge found me to tell me my car was ready to go. "Where are you staying? I'll drop you," I offered as we gathered our things.

"No, I'm fine, I'll take a taxi..."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I'll drop you. I'm not having you stay here and drink yourself into a stupor."

He considered me with a scowl for a moment. "You are just far too nice a person."

"No, I just have a low tolerance for self-destructive stupidity."

"Are you calling me stupid?"

I laughed, sidestepping his mock punch, and he followed me out to the car, complaining, but stopped short as we both considered the shiny silver Jaguar convertible in front of us. "Wow. Is that yours?"

The bellhop handed me the keys with a smile. "I guess so." With a giggle, I approached the driver's side, trailing my fingers along the immaculate trim. "Oh, man, I just love having money."

"Can you actually drive this thing?"

"I rented it for a whole week, yes. Jump in. Where are you staying?"

"I wish I could say across town." He attempted to hop over the door, and was still too drunk to do so, landing in a heap on the passenger seat. We both laughed at his folly, and I finally caught my breath and slid into the driver's seat. God, I loved this car already. The steering wheel felt like silk.

"Sit up and put your seatbelt on."

"Why, are you that bad of a driver?"

I pushed him into a proper sitting position and he fumbled for his seatbelt. "I'm a very good driver, Mr. James. Have I never driven you anywhere?"

We looked at one another, both of us going over our past history. That trip to Bournmouth? We'd taken a train. When we were on tour? Someone else always drove us. In London? Taxis, always taxis. "Guess not. It'll be a first. Buckle up."

"When was the last time you drove, Emmie?"

Emmie. Emmie. There were only a handful of people in my life that called me that, my family, my best friends, Alex. I only accepted it in the proper spirit of affection, corrected most others with a sharp "Em. Or Emma." "Um... this spring, when I was in Ohio to see Tricia and the baby. I'm not totally rusty, no worries."

At the word 'baby', Alex's face closed, and he sat up straight, brushing his hair out of his eyes in that slightly nervous way he had. Oh, I was glad I wasn't Kate. He told me where he was staying, and the bellhop told us the quickest way to get there. Putting the car into gear, I looked over at him. "Were you paying attention? I get terribly lost in New York."

Turning to face me, he raised an eyebrow. "Have you ever driven in New York?"

"Um... no."

"I'm taking a taxi!"

Laughing, I held his shoulder as he made to scramble out of the car. "Relax. It'll be fun. Do you trust me?"

Glancing at my hand on his shoulder, he met my eyes with utter seriousness. "Yes. I trust you."

Oh, great, now he trusts me. He believed Jarvis' stupid stories a year ago, but now he trusts me. I reclaimed my hand and inched into traffic, taking great joy in cutting off a taxi. Alex whimpered and reached over to fiddle with the radio. "You've got a CD player in this thing!"

"Do I? Damn, I don't have any CD's. Oh, no, wait, I think Court gave me the Bollocks last night. That might be in my bag somewhere."

"Well, we're not fucking playing that." He rummaged through the glove compartment while I concentrated on traffic. A couple of moments later, he suddenly yelled "Stop!"

It was a red light, so I did. "What?"

"Record store, right there. You need CD's. C'mon, there's even a parking place."

"It's a sign, I guess."

He helped me pull up the top on the car, and I armed the alarm carefully, worried about leaving this car on a New York street. Wouldn't that be the perfect end to my bizarre birthday?

But I forgot about the car as we giggled and bickered over the CD's, he recommended Kylie Minouge and I vetoed it. I bought 'Rio' and informed him that all good Duranies had at least 5 copies of it in various formats. I picked up the Charms and he didn't comment. He bought a lot of pop crap, and kept asking if I'd done the album art. No, but I had done sessions with half the groups he purchased.

On the way back to the car, he got distracted by a pizza shop and I indulged him. We sat next to the window so that I could keep an eye on my car and looked through our new goodies while eating typically perfect New York pizza. He giggled when I found the Spice Girls in my bag, he'd somehow slipped it in my stack of stuff.

On the way back to the car, he offered to buy me some proper flowers for my birthday, and I declined. "Nowhere to put them on the drive down the shore, since I fully intend upon having the top down the entire way. Thank you, tho. I bet your girlfriend would appreciate some."

"Yeah. I should do that."

He disappeared into the corner grocery while I figured out the mysteries of the 12 disc changer in my trunk and emerged a few minutes later with a lavish armload of flowers. "Did you put the Spicies in?"

"No." I looked up at his flowers. "You were always good with flowers. Those are lovely."

"Will they get me forgiven?"

"Alex, did I ever forgive you just because you bought me flowers?" He shook his head reluctantly. "Its never that easy, darling. C'mon, let's go. I've let you distract me long enough."

We wrestled the roof back and once settled in the car, he pulled out one orange blossom and tucked it in the cup holder. "That shouldn't blow away."

"Thank you. It smells wonderful. Now, how to make these CD's actually play..."

He leaned his head close to mine as we stared at the controls on the stereo, and it was all I could do not to kiss him. God, it was so easy to be with him. We knew each other, how to make one another laugh, it was comfortable and fun. But I wanted more than just comfort and fun. I wanted him, every bit of him, the passion and the sex and everything that our past encompassed.

He punched a button and suddenly "Rio" came blasting out of the stereo, making us both jump. I turned it down before pulling out into traffic, and we sang along on the drive to his hotel, only getting lost once. Pulling up to the doors of his rather nice hotel, I turned the music down almost all the way. "But I like that song," he whined.

"Time to get out and face the music."

With a sigh, he looked towards the doors of the hotel. "Do you even think she's in there?"

"I imagine so. She was going to dinner with the Bollocks last I saw, but I don't think she was planning on staying long."

He was quiet for a moment, the flowers in his lap, and I studied his profile, not letting myself think of how much I wanted him for myself. What was I doing, dropping him off, encouraging him to talk things out with this girlfriend... I'm his girlfriend. Me. OK, I was his girlfriend, once, but I'd liked it. A lot.

"What do you think I should do, Emmie? Is it worth it?"

He was still not looking at me, and I sighed, turning away from my study of his perfect nose. "I don't know, Alex."

"Please, Em. I respect your judgment. What should I do?"

No. The last thing I could do was give him advice on his love life. Absolutely not. I swallowed around the sudden lump in my throat. "It's your life. Not mine."

"But-"

I cut him off. "Please, Alex. I'm not entirely sure what my motivations would be if I gave you advice."

"What do you mean?" he asked, turning to look at me. It was growing dark, and his face was in shadows, so that I couldn't really read his expression.

He knew what I meant. Fucker. "I'm not sure if I should be keeping you together or breaking you up, and I'm really not sure if either of those is because its the best for you, or Kate, or if maybe I'm just trying to get some revenge of some sort."

"I'd deserve revenge."

I almost smiled. "I know."

He started to say something and I shook my head. "Go and talk to Kate. Give her those pretty flowers."

For a very long moment, he studied me, his eyes unreadable. "Thank you."

"For the ride? Not a problem."

"No. For ... nevermind." He shook his head, but I knew what he couldn't say. From Alex, that was almost an apology.

Goddamnit. I nodded at him sharply, unable to speak for a moment for fear that I'd throw myself at him. Quickly regaining control, I took a deep breath. "You're welcome, I suppose. You've put this off long enough, Alex, you should go in. The bellhops are giving us odd looks."

Nodding, he gathered his things and slid out of the car, coming over to my side to lean over me. "I'm glad I found you this afternoon."

"What were you doing at my hotel, anyway?"

"Looking for you or Kate. Sutton."

"Her flight left at four or something."

"Ah." Leaning down, he kissed my forehead lightly, and I shut my eyes at the touch of his lips, grabbing onto the steering wheel instead of him. "Have fun with your friends."

As soon as I left him, I fully intended to pick up my car phone and call them. The thought of an entire drive alone with only thoughts of Alex was more than I could bear. "I will. Should I tell them you say hi?"

"Sure. Well... bye."

"Bye. I'm sure we'll meet up in London."

"I'm sure." With one last look, he headed for the doors of the hotel, and I didn't pull away until he was out of sight. At the next traffic light, I fumbled for the phone and found the number of our shore house, smiling at the message on the machine. "We're either in the hot tub or sunning ourselves. Give us one good reason why we should return your call."

"Hey, its me. It's... um... about seven. Damn. And I'm just leaving the city. I had a really weird day, guys, I can't wait to see you."

"You're just leaving now?" Astrid wailed, picking up the phone.

"Yeah. Sorry. I got... distracted."

"What, with that pretty boy Bay was telling us about?" I given Bayley the quick rundown when I'd called to tell her that I'd be later than intended. "Did you actually get laid, Emmie?"

I laughed. No one in my life could quite believe that I'd had sex. Least of all me. "Yes, I did. But he wasn't the one distracting me. Alex was."

"Alex? The Alex?"

"There can be only one." I could hear a chorus from all of them when they heard his name, and in a moment, Astrid was back.

"Tell all, Em!"

"Astrid, honey, I'm in traffic. Can I tell you when I get there?"

"Did anything happen?"

"Oh, short of me convincing him he should work things out with his pregnant girlfriend, no."

"His girlfriend is pregnant?" That elicited more comments from the peanut gallery.

"It's not his!"

"Oh."

"I don't really know the full story. I didn't want to get too involved, you know? But I sobered him up and drove him back to his hotel and now I'm on my way. I'm actually about to hit the Tunnel, I know I'll lose you guys then."

"He was drunk at this hour?"

"Yes. It's Alex, Astrid."

She laughed. "True, yes."

"I'm practically in the Tunnel. I'll see you in the hot tub."

"We'll be here. Drive fast!"

"I will. You should see this car, darlin'." A crackle of static knocked them off the phone line, and I hung up. Duran echoed off the walls of the tunnel, crystal clear on my perfect stereo. Astrid was probably telling Bay and Tricia every detail of our conversation, and they'd discuss me and Alex until I got there. And then we'd discuss it some more. I wondered what they said when I wasn't around. I knew implicitly that they'd all adored him, and thought we were a good couple. But I wasn't sure if any of them really understood how much I'd loved him.

Who was I fooling? I still loved him. Today had only proven that. He would forever and always be the one I lost. I just had to learn to deal with that, to make it hurt a little less to be with him. Evidently he didn't feel the same way about me...

"Some people call it a one-night stand, but we can call it paradise..."

I giggled when that line entered my consciousness. It had taken almost exactly 27 years, but I had finally figured out what that meant. It was pretty fucking great. Courtney had been wonderful, funny and athletic. Even more, I knew why some relationships really shouldn't last more than a day.

God, what a fucking bizarre birthday. Sex with a stranger, giving advice to my one true love, it would end with my friends. Completely weird. I pulled out of the tunnel and breathed a sigh of relief that I was free of New York. I hated this city. Weird things always happened to me there, some good, some bad, sometimes both all at once.

'The Chauffeur' got me onto the main road to the shore, and then Elastica clicked on and I floored it, singing along, loving the feel of the wind in my hair. Money didn't buy happiness, but sometimes it helped. Every mile was a step away from the stupid boys in my life and a step closer to the magnificent women that I loved more than anything.